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The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

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GregoryReboot

Thank you so much Frances! That gives me hope. I need to hear that...

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Nena59

GregoryReboot,

I am experiencing similar things. It seems my baseline is getting better but I still have Windows, but mainly waves. They are not as bad. I have hope. I refuse to give up! We will make it!

 

 

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Happy2Heal

Hi 
I have a question for those folks who are off all meds (and maybe others)

I got down to "zero" last October and have been doing incredibly well.

 

I do still have some small minor waves, most of them have been in the 'annoying' category.

Overall I feel like I'm almost completely recovered, but I can see how it may take several years to FULLY recover and get my brain back where it should be.

 

Recently I've been having trouble with anger spirals. It *seems* like the anger is bringing on a WD/recovery wave, with visual symptoms, and some tinnitus, maybe a tiny bit of dread and dark thoughts.

 

so I have been trying to avoid getting angry. Um, that does not work lol

 

one of the things I never really worked on while I was drugged, is how to deal with strong emotions. I can now handle sadness and anxiety pretty well, but anger- not so much.


I tend to say and do stupid things when I am angry.

Just now, someone was picking up my foster rats to bring them to the vet for their neuter. The rat already in her car was not safely secured, and she wanted to just toss my foster boys carrier next to theirs, in an even less safe spot.
I calmly asked if there was a way to move all the stuff she had in the seat, that the carriers were on top of, so that the rat's carriers could be properly secured. So that was good.. BUT
I blurted out, "these are living creatures, if you have to stop suddenly, they are going to go flying and get seriously hurt" and I said that in a pretty angry, frustrated, "are you an idiot??" kind of tone.

 

I wish I'd said it in a less hostile way, but then again, the driver didn't really do much to remedy the situation

 

I came back inside after she drove off, and realized that my vision had gone dark (an old WD/recovery symptom for me) and that I was feeling a bit of dread (maybe worried that this means a return to the more severe symptoms of early acute WD?)

 

so, now I"m wondering, is my anger a nuero emotion, or is my anger a stress that is brining on a wave?

 

I don't know how to tell.

I have been in a "bad mood" for a few days now, or maybe about a week, but not without good reason. A friend (not a close one) passed away, I found out some relatives that I'd lost touch with, had also passed away, not terrible news as we weren't even in touch any more, but sad nonetheless, I have a situation going on with the landlord and housing code that's very frustrating as well as the stress of the weather (unusually cold and snowy for his late in March)

 

I don't think my 'mood' is a symptom of a wave, but I wonder about the flare ups in anger.

I know I need to learn ways to handle angry, it's probably my biggest weakness.

I tend to avoid confrontations and/or give in a lot, and then resent it, and then that will build up, and then the next time something sets me off, I explode and say all sorts of stupid hurtful and especially NON HELPFUL things!
Like with the landlord- it will be a miracle now if I can get him to do the work I want done.

 

I have a couple of books about dealing with emotions and I'm doing my best to work on that by myself, if anyone has any suggestions I'm open to them

 

but in the meantime, what do you think: is the anger a symptom of a wave, or is it causing a wave?

 

 

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Eqqnok

When i get a window during my protracted amilsulpride stabalization fase(im stabalizing at 500 mg down from 800 mg 2 years ago)

When i get a window i feel really alive and happy, and then i get very optimistic about the future. I also get windows which feels like my brain is getting washed with a great sence of wellbeing.

 

When i get the waves i get moderately depressed, anxious and i get a wierd feeling of being bored. Hard to explain.

Between the waves and windows im affected by cognitive symptoms and poor sleep. Im trying to get stable and when i get stable i will work with a therapist i know who is really skilled at healping people reduce there dose at there own pace.

Hang in there guys and girls. Im 17 months in withdrawal and im having a wave right now.

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Lilac

So very reassuring reading all these responses from those going through same  thing - windows and waves in protracted withdrawal  . But my doctor refuses to believe me . 

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Frances72

Ask your doctor is he’s or she is willing to read the book “Psychotropic Drug Withdrawal” by Dr Peter Breggins? If no, find another doctor who either understands what’s happening to you or who is open to understanding. Took us a while to find a supportive understanding doc. My mums doc sounded very sociopathic to me. X

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MF3452

No doubt. I've been off of Lex for a little over 6.5 years and was in an extended window until now. I started to feel some undue health anxiety and boom! Just like that, I'm back in a wave. Stress & anxiety can cause waves. It's a vicious cycle. Good luck!

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Altostrata

Merged similar topics.

 

MF3452, please start a topic for yourself in the Introductions forum.

 

Stress of any type can cause waves. Stress can also cause strong emotions. Strong emotions prior to waves may be coincidental, not causative.

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Justcope

Just had a few weeks of a window. It was lovely. Looks like I’m entering a wave again now. I hate the false sense of hope and security you get during the window, then you wake up and bam! Waves coming. Makes the wave feel worse 😞 it’ll pass... 

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Barbarannamated
On 4/26/2018 at 4:27 PM, Altostrata said:

Stress of any type can cause waves. Stress can also cause strong emotions. Strong emotions prior to waves may be coincidental, not causative.

 

Stress can make everything worse, in my experience.  It's been unrelenting since I started on Zoloft in '93 which correlated with the neuromuscular / movement disorders and snowballed to many additional drugs and forced medical retirement 17 years ago.  Then, withdrawal from Pristiq in 2010-11 (sloppy taper) made things worse and is still strong, but I permanently lost major parts of life during drugged years.   

 

Eqqnok mentioned boredom.  This has been a constant battle for me since not working and especially since being pretty much homebound for several years. I believe it's tied into the loss of motivation and inability to connect to and anticipate feelings of pleasure and reward.  I wonder if it's some manifestation of akathisia, also.  It's BRUTAL.  

 

 

 

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Eqqnok

Is there anyone else that have something i wouldn't call a window or a wave but being more stable without feeling good or bad? I'm having such a moment right now and it have lasted 5 hours so far and counting. My withdrawal depression wen't away little over 2 months ago and haven't returned. When i get a wave its usually an intens chemical burning and anxiety. Sometimes i don't understand how it really works, because im having a hard time feeling full after i eat because of the withdrawal. Its not like i have excessive hunger, its more like i can't feel full. So when i have eaten enough i have to say: Now i stop.

The best window i sometimes have is when my emotions are working near normal, i've had quite a few of these windows but they are a bit far between. When i get such a window i feel alive and feel like everthing is going to be okay and i have bright future ahead of me. When i get hit by a wave of anxiety i feel like im never going to enjoy being with my family, its

terrible.

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bubbles
Quote

Stress of any type can cause waves. Stress can also cause strong emotions. Strong emotions prior to waves may be coincidental, not causative.

 

This is the reason why I delay drops if there is a stressful period coming up. Well, I delay the drop if I can see the stressful period coming - you can't always, but sometimes.

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Ox123

I pretty much jumped off my medication at 3mg, so my waves/windows have been pretty intense.

Windows: Usually last 10-21 days, the first week of this is usually merged with a wave, meaning my brain is still restoring itself after the spiral down. I find my sleep returns to a more normal baseline, the panic subsides completely, anxiety also goes. I will generally forget that I will get 'ill' again and carry on living as I used to. 

Waves: Usually last 7-21 days, vary massively intensity, in terms of anxiety/panic. A wave can be the result of an external trigger - worrying about something, usually the state of my mental health, or being over stimulated - watching an intense football game, arguement etc. During a wave my sleep is affected significantly, usually starting off by waking early, followed by anxiety. Then if that peaks i will struggle to fall asleep as my mind becomes 'on fire', and struggle to fall and stay asleep. Morning cortisol rushes become a daily thing, I can sometimes break this cycle by morning runs, but doesnt always work.

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Pepita
2 hours ago, Ox123 said:

I pretty much jumped off my medication at 3mg, so my waves/windows have been pretty intense.

Windows: Usually last 10-21 days, the first week of this is usually merged with a wave, meaning my brain is still restoring itself after the spiral down. I find my sleep returns to a more normal baseline, the panic subsides completely, anxiety also goes. I will generally forget that I will get 'ill' again and carry on living as I used to. 

Waves: Usually last 7-21 days, vary massively intensity, in terms of anxiety/panic. A wave can be the result of an external trigger - worrying about something, usually the state of my mental health, or being over stimulated - watching an intense football game, arguement etc. During a wave my sleep is affected significantly, usually starting off by waking early, followed by anxiety. Then if that peaks i will struggle to fall asleep as my mind becomes 'on fire', and struggle to fall and stay asleep. Morning cortisol rushes become a daily thing, I can sometimes break this cycle by morning runs, but doesnt always work.

Hi there - I also always experience this sort or "merging" from wave to window where I really feel like my system is recovering from the wave. And I know too well that I tend to forget that I could ever feel this bad again. Oftentimes I ask myself 3 days after a wave is over: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??? How could I ever feel this way? Luckily I do have longer windows now that I am 2,5 years off meds. Windows can last up to 7 months. Not that everything is pitch perfect in this time but pretty normal. I´ll have maybe a few days where I feel more tired/anxious/sad but nothing that I can´t handle or that prevents me from going on with  my life -  and it passes quickly. Hopefully everything will even out for you soon :)))) 

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Ox123
11 hours ago, Pepita said:

Oftentimes I ask myself 3 days after a wave is over: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???


Yep!! I've even laughed during a window at how severe I let myself get.

How do your waves arrive? I've noticed most of mine are quite sudden, usually the external triggers precede the most lethal waves. I can recall waves trigger within seconds while I'm in a window. Kind of like the feeling you'd get if you'd just heard some really bad news, but it doesn't get processed and just mutates into a totally different beast. Usually completely psychological too, which is confusing my therapist. He doesn't understand how I can trigger these waves with no physical symptoms, since im using the words 'panic' and 'anxiety attack'.

 

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jonnypeters1234567
On 6/27/2018 at 12:58 PM, Eqqnok said:

Is there anyone else that have something i wouldn't call a window or a wave but being more stable without feeling good or bad? I'm having such a moment right now and it have lasted 5 hours so far and counting. My withdrawal depression wen't away little over 2 months ago and haven't returned. When i get a wave its usually an intens chemical burning and anxiety. Sometimes i don't understand how it really works, because im having a hard time feeling full after i eat because of the withdrawal. Its not like i have excessive hunger, its more like i can't feel full. So when i have eaten enough i have to say: Now i stop.

The best window i sometimes have is when my emotions are working near normal, i've had quite a few of these windows but they are a bit far between. When i get such a window i feel alive and feel like everthing is going to be okay and i have bright future ahead of me. When i get hit by a wave of anxiety i feel like im never going to enjoy being with my family, its

terrible.

Thats your normal feelings. The window to me feels like the being on the original drug but not as strong

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bubbles

What does it mean if there are no windows at all? After, say, several months? Not WD? Something else?

 

(PS, this isn't about me.)

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thecowisback

i'm wondering how others cope with the 'come down' after a window. i get a good day now and then when i feel a whole lot less scared and depressed and while a long way from 'normal' it's certainly a break from the feeling of constant terror. i love these days, but i know that the next day i'm going to be back to square one again. i had a window yesterday and today i'm feeling terrified of everything all over again and it feels like i'm back to square one. 

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RusTW

 has anybody experienced has anybody experienced their windows in the evening only I'm still tapering Seroquel and I'm getting windows in the evening and then when I wake up I have the anxiety and the nausea

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Justcope
On 7/5/2018 at 5:45 PM, Pepita said:

Hi there - I also always experience this sort or "merging" from wave to window where I really feel like my system is recovering from the wave. And I know too well that I tend to forget that I could ever feel this bad again. Oftentimes I ask myself 3 days after a wave is over: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??? How could I ever feel this way? Luckily I do have longer windows now that I am 2,5 years off meds. Windows can last up to 7 months. Not that everything is pitch perfect in this time but pretty normal. I´ll have maybe a few days where I feel more tired/anxious/sad but nothing that I can´t handle or that prevents me from going on with  my life -  and it passes quickly. Hopefully everything will even out for you soon :)))) 

Been a been a while since I’ve been on here. Truthfully- I’ve bern in a window for about 2 months. It’s been wonderful. Then this morning the anxiety hit. It’s **** I’ve lost all the good days of the last two months. 

Ive got my mantra going- this will pass. But my WD brain is trying to tell me it’s dtivking round for good. I know it won’t. Just sucks. 

Thats my whinge for today. 

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Pepita
On 7/5/2018 at 9:17 PM, Ox123 said:


Yep!! I've even laughed during a window at how severe I let myself get.

How do your waves arrive? I've noticed most of mine are quite sudden, usually the external triggers precede the most lethal waves. I can recall waves trigger within seconds while I'm in a window. Kind of like the feeling you'd get if you'd just heard some really bad news, but it doesn't get processed and just mutates into a totally different beast. Usually completely psychological too, which is confusing my therapist. He doesn't understand how I can trigger these waves with no physical symptoms, since im using the words 'panic' and 'anxiety attack'.

 

 

hmmmmm no usually my waves don't come that sudden. I do have those times where my mood changes 100 times a day- that happens really quickly, like you described. But usually my waves are triggered by stress at home, personal stress, too much training etc. But that's a littl over 2 years off meds;) right after quitting I just felt horroble throughout 8 months with maybe a few hours of windows

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Pepita
On 7/18/2018 at 3:14 PM, Justcope said:

Been a been a while since I’ve been on here. Truthfully- I’ve bern in a window for about 2 months. It’s been wonderful. Then this morning the anxiety hit. It’s **** I’ve lost all the good days of the last two months. 

Ive got my mantra going- this will pass. But my WD brain is trying to tell me it’s dtivking round for good. I know it won’t. Just sucks. 

Thats my whinge for today. 

I kno what you mean! when it turns dark it feels like it's never been different! Got to be mindfulnof that, be gentle and nice to yourself and remind you that this will again change! 

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Steve61

I’ve been reading lots of the posts on this thread and I have a question that constantly goes around in my head. I have the windows and waves, much, much more waves than windows at the moment. When I am in a wave , I am anxious, withdrawn, frightened about the future, don’t want to see anyone, angry etc.  So my question is - how do I differentiate between the withdrawal symptoms and how I was prior to taking my ad.

 

I read all the posts and it is as if the ads have caused all the problems but surely all of us went onto the drugs in the first place because of depression, anxiety, inability to cope etc etc. which are very similar to the symptoms of the withdrawal. I’m going through this because I really want to see if it’s better without drugs but my biggest fear is that I could do this for 12 or 18 months finally get off the drug only to find that I am back to where I started when I needed the drug originally. 

 

Any help ,experience or advice would be appreciated.

 

Steve

 

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Pepita
1 hour ago, Steve61 said:

I’ve been reading lots of the posts on this thread and I have a question that constantly goes around in my head. I have the windows and waves, much, much more waves than windows at the moment. When I am in a wave , I am anxious, withdrawn, frightened about the future, don’t want to see anyone, angry etc.  So my question is - how do I differentiate between the withdrawal symptoms and how I was prior to taking my ad.

 

I read all the posts and it is as if the ads have caused all the problems but surely all of us went onto the drugs in the first place because of depression, anxiety, inability to cope etc etc. which are very similar to the symptoms of the withdrawal. I’m going through this because I really want to see if it’s better without drugs but my biggest fear is that I could do this for 12 or 18 months finally get off the drug only to find that I am back to where I started when I needed the drug originally. 

 

Any help ,experience or advice would be appreciated.

 

Steve

 

Hi Steve,

I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! I felt/thought the same way - but now I know for sure that most of the issues were withdrawal. I say most, because as you said: there were reasons (at least for most of us) that got us on the drugs that are very similar to wd-symptoms. I felt so much worse in my acute withdrawal than prior to taking meds that I mostly trusted that all of this was withdrawal. But of course I had doubts every so often!!! 

The thing is: you can only trust tue process and fully commit yourself to give your body and mind the time it needs. There is no one who can proof to you that this is just withdrawal BUT there are so many, including me, who can tell you that everything withdrawal- related will pass in time! How did you feel before starting medication? what were your symptoms before, what are they now? I for example had mild panic attacks and depressive mood swings before taking meds- in withdrawal I haf that multiplied by a 1000 and various other issues so I knew that was new- it must be wd! 

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Steve61

Pepita, thank you so much for your reply. If I am completely honest with you, I am not sure if the withdrawals are different to my original symptoms or not. I’ve been on them for 25 years so it is not clear in my memory any more. That is one thing that I am sure about, Dosulepin has messed with my memory !!! 

 

My story is a complicated one in that I am an alcoholic, a recovering one. I got sober 30 years ago and after 5 years I was struggling to cope with life so that’s when I went on the ad’s. Now when I think back , my nervous system was probably still stabilising after the horrific battering it had taken from alcohol. 

 

So I don’t know ???  I am committed to this . I want to know what I will be like drug free but it is so hard and I do think every so often -  is it worth it ??

 

So so has it been worth it for you , Pepita ?? If so,in what ways, has it improved your life ?

 

Steve

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Pepita
22 minutes ago, Steve61 said:

Pepita, thank you so much for your reply. If I am completely honest with you, I am not sure if the withdrawals are different to my original symptoms or not. I’ve been on them for 25 years so it is not clear in my memory any more. That is one thing that I am sure about, Dosulepin has messed with my memory !!! 

 

My story is a complicated one in that I am an alcoholic, a recovering one. I got sober 30 years ago and after 5 years I was struggling to cope with life so that’s when I went on the ad’s. Now when I think back , my nervous system was probably still stabilising after the horrific battering it had taken from alcohol. 

 

So I don’t know ???  I am committed to this . I want to know what I will be like drug free but it is so hard and I do think every so often -  is it worth it ??

 

So so has it been worth it for you , Pepita ?? If so,in what ways, has it improved your life ?

 

Steve

Hi Steve!

first of: congratulations that you came off alcohol and 2) it's quite possible that your sStem was still recovering from that and as well I guess there was some reason why you were drinking. Maybe you didn't adjust you life in a way that would have been helpful- and that's a really tough thing to do because a) very often we don't even notice what we need to change and b) often we don't want to change😂

 

It was like that in my case. I realized over tue past years that I was treating myself wrong. I am a very very sensitive person but all I love to do is do things that are too much for me: Work too much + already a stressful job, training too much + going out too much + supressing all negative sad things in my life... all that lead me to feeling panicky or depressed (light depression but still being able to to my things) and well... my solution (or the doctors) were to take meds. So now that I am living my life without meds I am sure taking very good care for myself so that I live my life and do the things according to the needs of my nervous system;) yes in the beginning that's hard, I am used to putting pressure on myself.. I always was that all in or all out person, you know? I can't just train 2 a week- no, I wanna get better so it's 6 times.. like that:) I also found a. ery good therapist but actually it took me just a few sessions to understand what I had to do.

And yes, I do think it's totally worth it:))) besides rare waves I am feeling better than ever and getting more and more connected to the real me.

25 years is a really long time... how long since you're off? If you feel like you want to know and be the real you and you can cope as good as possible I think you should do it:)))) I always told myself: 5 years! I want to live 5 years without medication and if all in all I am good - I'll stay off:)

you already quit alcohol so you must be pretty strong! 

 

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Steve61

Thank you Pepita. You are helping so much. I identify with a lot of things that you say. Especially the training. I love to lift weights and I am always pushing myself to lift heavier weights and sometimes, I know, that they are too heavy. That then hurts my CNS. I am an obsessive personality type at the best of times. 

 

I will  never have a more relaxing time to try and quit. I’m retired and have nothing particularly stressful in my life. I can always find something to stress over though !!!  I learned a lot about myself when I quit drinking and a lot of it is about acceptance. If Im going to do this then I have to accept that things will get hard at times.  

 

I sort of deceived myself with ad’s. Because I am an alcoholic and addict, I would not mess with drugs that give me an instant hit. Weed, Valium, strong painkillers etc. I get addicted too easily. I was led to believe that ad’s are non addictive. I understand now that I don’t crave the drug like alcohol etc but this withdrawal syndrome is just as painful. 

 

I am trying to find different ways to cope and have recently started meditation classes.  I think that there may be something that will be helpful to me there.

 

Thanks again

Steve

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Pepita
2 hours ago, Steve61 said:

Thank you Pepita. You are helping so much. I identify with a lot of things that you say. Especially the training. I love to lift weights and I am always pushing myself to lift heavier weights and sometimes, I know, that they are too heavy. That then hurts my CNS. I am an obsessive personality type at the best of times. 

 

I will  never have a more relaxing time to try and quit. I’m retired and have nothing particularly stressful in my life. I can always find something to stress over though !!!  I learned a lot about myself when I quit drinking and a lot of it is about acceptance. If Im going to do this then I have to accept that things will get hard at times.  

 

I sort of deceived myself with ad’s. Because I am an alcoholic and addict, I would not mess with drugs that give me an instant hit. Weed, Valium, strong painkillers etc. I get addicted too easily. I was led to believe that ad’s are non addictive. I understand now that I don’t crave the drug like alcohol etc but this withdrawal syndrome is just as painful. 

 

I am trying to find different ways to cope and have recently started meditation classes.  I think that there may be something that will be helpful to me there.

 

Thanks again

Steve

Hi Steve,

yes, you can be stressed without any external indicators, I know too well;) It's personality I guess. I was always like that. When I startet ground school, in my first geography class I was asked a question I couldn't answer- so the rest of the day I studied until I knew all the countries😂 

 

How do you like meditation? I love it but it took a long while too until I could really enjoy it and get the calming benefits but it gets better and better and I find it very very helpful! 

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Steve61

Pepita

 

I think that Ive made a bit of a breakthrough with the meditation. I have tried at home ,many times ,without success. In the class  I finally was able to empty my mind. Only for a very short period of time but I did it. I think it was because I give up on it at home too easily. If I can’t get in the ‘zone’ , I give up. In the class I went through this stage and then progressed. I’m going to persist with the tapering and the meditation. You have been a great help. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

 

Steve

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Pepita
3 hours ago, Steve61 said:

Pepita

 

I think that Ive made a bit of a breakthrough with the meditation. I have tried at home ,many times ,without success. In the class  I finally was able to empty my mind. Only for a very short period of time but I did it. I think it was because I give up on it at home too easily. If I can’t get in the ‘zone’ , I give up. In the class I went through this stage and then progressed. I’m going to persist with the tapering and the meditation. You have been a great help. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

 

Steve

It's a pleasure to be of help!! really!!! I had the same thoughts sooooo often and I loved to hear from people that they did it and that all of this is leading somewhere! I am off 2,5 years now and of course, timing is different for everyone but I know for sure that it gets better and if you commit it's such a chance to learn and grow❤️

if you are on facebook, there's a group by baylissa frederik called "dearest friend"... it's a page solely for being supportive of oneself and learning to love yourself. First it felt silly but it really helped me sooooo much!!! and somehow it helps to write it in a group rather than only for yourself! you can check it out if you want to!

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Frances72

In my own experience as a recovering heroin addict and alcoholic, which I then used to help my mother come off 20+ years of ad's to become a truly awesome happy grandmother and super woman, I can't stress enough the importance of a healthy diet. NOT the type of diet the dietician or doctor recommends, but a traditional style diet high in pastured animal fats, organ meats, bone broth, organic vegetables, wild caught fish and roe, properly prepared organic grains, raw dairy (preferably cultured) etc. And complete avoidance of certain foods that will prevent recovery, or greatly slow it down, for eg; refined vegetable oils (canola, rice bran, cotton seed, sunflower oil, soya oil etc), margarines, refined flowers, refined sugars, artificial sweeteners, factory farmed meat and eggs, chemical additives. You basically need to always eat at home and cook from scratch. See the Price Pottenger Foundation, Weston A Price Foundation (though avoid there cod liver oil, a bit of controversy there), Gut and Psychology Syndrome (GAPS) 

Wishing you all, all the very best. Mum has been so happy for 2+ years now. IT took her two years to feel consistently well with no waves etc and to start putting on weight. She looks and feels awesome at age 66. 

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Steve61

Thanks for the replies. I’m willing to take advice wherever I get it. Ignorance is contempt prior to investigation. So I will investigate everything that has been suggested.

 

Seem to be getting more waves at the moment and I am due to taper this week. I might put it off until I feel more stable.

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Frances72

PS Steve, if you use wifi, you must turn it off while you sleep. Turn off mobiles and cordless phones. Learn basic building biology to keep your home, especially where you sleep as safe as possible. Keep the blue tooth and wifi options on your smart phone (if you have one) off to keep your radiation exposure to a minimum. 

 

 

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Justcope
On 8/4/2018 at 2:52 AM, Pepita said:

Hi Steve,

yes, you can be stressed without any external indicators, I know too well;) It's personality I guess. I was always like that. When I startet ground school, in my first geography class I was asked a question I couldn't answer- so the rest of the day I studied until I knew all the countries😂 

 

How do you like meditation? I love it but it took a long while too until I could really enjoy it and get the calming benefits but it gets better and better and I find it very very helpful! 

Reading these threads is everything to me at the moment. Like Steve- I’m questioning my sanity and so close to wanting to start a new drug! I’m sick of questioning my life. 

I think my pattern is that a wave is coming on then I search for reasons as to why my anxiety is hitting again- usually attaching it to my home life, my husband (who is the best) etc. then I beat myself up as I feel horrible for thinking this way. I find it so hard to think that my brain is healing when I feel so awful. Other than an upset gut, my symptoms are mostly emotional and in one day I can go through every emotion under the sun! 

I did meditation for some months then went through a window and stopped. Thinking of starting it up again... 

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Justcope
On 8/4/2018 at 6:43 PM, Steve61 said:

Thanks for the replies. I’m willing to take advice wherever I get it. Ignorance is contempt prior to investigation. So I will investigate everything that has been suggested.

 

Seem to be getting more waves at the moment and I am due to taper this week. I might put it off until I feel more stable.

I’m with you Steve! I feel the same! I’m close to wanting to go back on meds because these waves are awful! Mine are mostly emotional and anxiety based- which is why I went on the drugs in the first place!  I am on a super low dose of my meds so I’m terrified of stopping completely! 

Your posts are very encouraging. Glad I’m not alone 😞

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Steve61

Justcope, yes, I identify a lot with a lot of the things that you talk about. My withdrawals are mostly emotional and anxiety based and those were the main reasons why I started taking the drug in the first place. That’s why I keep getting the thought ‘is it withdrawal or is it the original symptoms returning ‘. When I have a wave I tend to attach the anxiety, anger etc to something or someone. It’s usually my partner who gets it and she is sooo understanding and does not deserve any of it. At the moment my anxiety and anger is directed at my neighbours who I believe have their tv on too loud. It’s taking me all my efforts not to confront them about it but my partner insists it is exactly the same as it has been for the last 15 years !!!! I also hate confrontation so I play that scenario around in my head !!!

 

I am going to stick it out though. I want to know what life is like drug free. This site has helped enormously. Without it, I would have gone back up to my normal dose and given up on trying to stop. I would just have believed that (because of my withdrawal Symptoms) I needed the drug. I would be convinced that my original symptoms had returned.

 

Im going to pres on with meditation. I find it so hard to do !!!  I have a racing  brain. 100 different thoughts going through my mind constantly. When I do manage to empty my mind ( if only for a few seconds ) It gives me hope. I realise now that my mind has always controlled me and it should be me controlling my mind.

 

Good Luck

Steve

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