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The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

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Chochka

Hi Steve.

 

I really identify with what you are describing. I had a year of intense anger when I first came off 5 years ago and it was so hard not to take it out on people. I nearly lost friends that year and ended up going back on the meds. I just could not let go of issues that now I see as mildly irritating and I found it hard to talk to people about things without exploding. Now I am nearly 2 years off meds completely and still have more waves than windows. One symptom is uncontrolled anxiety now and I fixate on something and cannot let it go. I have been abroad for the last few months and left my home and much-loved ducks and cats in the care of a tenant who I don't know. I regularly wake up in the night and panic about the animals. I am annoying my friends by facebooking them and asking them to go and check on the animals so I can get a decent night's sleep. Then I'm fine for a while and then I'll have a sleepless night and that will be it again until someone goes round and tells me they are ok. I've even thought about going home early because of it. (It's a PhD reserach trip so going home would mean jacking that in completely.)

 

I also meditate. It's not an immediate thing although I do sleep much better if I do it, but I'm sure it makes a difference in the long run. I have noticed myself reacting badly to immediate stress, like when I was bitten by a dog a couple of weeks ago and the wave I'm in immediately took a turn for the worse for a few days. I am positive that it can make a difference to that kind of reaction so I reckon that over a period of time it has a good effect on a wave. Don't worry about not 'being in the zone' for the entire time you are meditating. I've been taught that there is no 'zone' and it is the returning to that state that is the important thing, not remaining in it. I know that even if I have a really terrible session and not really focus all the way through, which is usual when I'm in a wave, I still sleep much better than if I don't meditate at all so it must be doing something.

 

All the best. Coming off this stuff is really major and it can take a long time. You seem to be doing really well.

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Pepita
16 hours ago, Justcope said:

Reading these threads is everything to me at the moment. Like Steve- I’m questioning my sanity and so close to wanting to start a new drug! I’m sick of questioning my life. 

I think my pattern is that a wave is coming on then I search for reasons as to why my anxiety is hitting again- usually attaching it to my home life, my husband (who is the best) etc. then I beat myself up as I feel horrible for thinking this way. I find it so hard to think that my brain is healing when I feel so awful. Other than an upset gut, my symptoms are mostly emotional and in one day I can go through every emotion under the sun! 

I did meditation for some months then went through a window and stopped. Thinking of starting it up again... 

Hi!

Yes, always looking for reasons is exhausting!! I guess it's normal, because we feel like we "have to solve" this. But that's just what withdrawal is. It is windows/waves, feeling confident one moment and doubting everything in the next. Although I am soooooooooo much better already I can still fall into waves (mostly small, shortlived ones. My last big one was in January) but I definitely got better at not blaming myself and driving myself crazy looking for reasons and doubting my sanity. I also know what you mean by changing emotions 200 times a day, it's exhausting!!!! you never really know what's coming next, it's hard to plan anything. 

But here's a thought: you said you meditated for a while and then stopped when you were in a window. That's something I realized for myself as well: my pattern is: do a lot of something when you can (for example work and train) and stop everything and meditate when you can't (when being in a wave). For a while now I have been following a plan: Train twice a week and do this no matter how you feel. Meditate regularly, no matter how you feel.. this consistency has helped a lot and I am finally starting to understand a balanced lifestyle😂 

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Steve61

Thanks for all your experience, guys. It’s a real help to me. One thing that continues to bug me though, will it be worth it in the end ? I know that the only way to find out is to see it through to the end and hopefully ,eventually, become drug free.  Chockha has very kindly shared her experiences of having waves 2 years after becoming drug free. This is my dilemma, how do we know that it isn’t the original symptoms that we took the ad’s for in the first place ?  I suppose my question is to you, Chockha. Has it been worth it ?

 

Once again, thanks for the experience, strength and hope.

Steve

 

 

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Chochka

Hi Steve.

 

My answer is that yes, it is very worth it in the end. I was put on ADs for CFS not for depression and my symptoms of withdrawal are so different from my initial symptoms that I know it's not my original ones returning. I have developed so much in the years that I have been withdrawing and learned how to deal with stuff that i couldn't deal with before. It's like the old saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I don't believe that for every situation but for this one I do. So far I've spent 5 and a half years coming off a drug that I was on for 4 years and the withdrawal has often been miles worse than the CFS that I was on them for. But I am much more 'myself' and in the windows I feel like the person I was years ago before I became ill. And that is well worth it even though the windows are still few and far between. I'm 48 and although I think this will go on for at least another two years, possibly even longer, the years I will have drug free will outnumber those numbed down by the drug or in chaos with the withdrawal. Someone earlier in this thread write that s/he was training twice a week - I have started cycling every day in the last couple of months however I feel and that's the first time I've been able to do that for years. I'm not just talking in a physical sense but also in a motivational sense. I used to be a triathlete before this nightmare started and was out training for hours every day. While on the drug my motivation and drive were numbed down,as well as my emotions, and coming off has unleashed that again. I am also learning how to deal with unpleasant emotions which years ago I would have struggled with.

 

So yes, I think it is worth it. Even though it has been one of the most difficult things I have done in my entire life.

 

Keep plodding on Steve, just one foot in front of the other. Eventually it will end and then you will look back and not regret coming off.

 

All the best.

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Pepita
2 minutes ago, Chochka said:

Hi Steve.

 

My answer is that yes, it is very worth it in the end. I was put on ADs for CFS not for depression and my symptoms of withdrawal are so different from my initial symptoms that I know it's not my original ones returning. I have developed so much in the years that I have been withdrawing and learned how to deal with stuff that i couldn't deal with before. It's like the old saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I don't believe that for every situation but for this one I do. So far I've spent 5 and a half years coming off a drug that I was on for 4 years and the withdrawal has often been miles worse than the CFS that I was on them for. But I am much more 'myself' and in the windows I feel like the person I was years ago before I became ill. And that is well worth it even though the windows are still few and far between. I'm 48 and although I think this will go on for at least another two years, possibly even longer, the years I will have drug free will outnumber those numbed down by the drug or in chaos with the withdrawal. Someone earlier in this thread write that s/he was training twice a week - I have started cycling every day in the last couple of months however I feel and that's the first time I've been able to do that for years. I'm not just talking in a physical sense but also in a motivational sense. I used to be a triathlete before this nightmare started and was out training for hours every day. While on the drug my motivation and drive were numbed down,as well as my emotions, and coming off has unleashed that again. I am also learning how to deal with unpleasant emotions which years ago I would have struggled with.

 

So yes, I think it is worth it. Even though it has been one of the most difficult things I have done in my entire life.

 

Keep plodding on Steve, just one foot in front of the other. Eventually it will end and then you will look back and not regret coming off.

 

All the best.

❤️ so true! I am all with you! It's totally worth to go through this for yourself and to give you the chance to become the real you again. congratulations that you've come so far and that you went through the worst so you got your strength back to fully believe in you and support yourself! 

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Pepita
27 minutes ago, Steve61 said:

Thanks for all your experience, guys. It’s a real help to me. One thing that continues to bug me though, will it be worth it in the end ? I know that the only way to find out is to see it through to the end and hopefully ,eventually, become drug free.  Chockha has very kindly shared her experiences of having waves 2 years after becoming drug free. This is my dilemma, how do we know that it isn’t the original symptoms that we took the ad’s for in the first place ?  I suppose my question is to you, Chockha. Has it been worth it ?

 

Once again, thanks for the experience, strength and hope.

Steve

 

 

Steve, I think even if you should decide to go back on meds in 10 years it has been worth it because you give your system the chance to heal and fight for yourself! 

 

why did you quit/started to taper? were you oerfectly fine on meds? 

 

another question is: what difference does it make really? wouldn't you want to find a way to deal with depression/anxiety if it wasn't wd-related? 

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Frances72

 

My Mother says it was absolutely worth coming off the meds! She is awesome and best she's ever been now age 66! 20 years on SSLR's and numb and disconnected.

 

Of course its worth it, your real life is worth it! For you and everyone close to you!

 

Make changes. Get healthy. Have any of you read Dr Peter Breggins book "Psychotropic Drug Withdrawal"? 

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Justcope
13 hours ago, Steve61 said:

Thanks for all your experience, guys. It’s a real help to me. One thing that continues to bug me though, will it be worth it in the end ? I know that the only way to find out is to see it through to the end and hopefully ,eventually, become drug free.  Chockha has very kindly shared her experiences of having waves 2 years after becoming drug free. This is my dilemma, how do we know that it isn’t the original symptoms that we took the ad’s for in the first place ?  I suppose my question is to you, Chockha. Has it been worth it ?

 

Once again, thanks for the experience, strength and hope.

Steve

 

 

This is my dilemma too! And my biggest fear. For me- the original stuff is back but also extra stuff, which is terrifying! I’m in a wave right now but it often feels like it will be like this forever. I’m so close to increasing my AD’s which makes me feel worse and more anxious! What a vicious cycle. 😞 reading people’s replies on here makes me feel a little better, but it doesn’t last. Struggling to remain mindful at present... 

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Steve61

Thanks for all the positive replies, guys. It is a real help in continuing this journey. 

 

I honestly do not not know what I will be like drug free. It is that long since I was drug free , 25 years, that I do not remember. My original symptoms and the withdrawal symptom are similar though, I’m sure. I want to know what it is like. I want to see if I can cope. I need to do it now at 61 or I feel that I will never do it. 

 

I’ve had sleep disturbance the last couple of nights. Awake very early and then I cannot go back to sleep..I was due to taper down last night but I have put it off because of this.  Oh well, it’s going to be a long,hard journey but thus site helps enormously.

 

Justcope, we are in a similar place. We can get through this. If we don’t do it, we will never know.

 

Steve

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Pepita
11 hours ago, Justcope said:

This is my dilemma too! And my biggest fear. For me- the original stuff is back but also extra stuff, which is terrifying! I’m in a wave right now but it often feels like it will be like this forever. I’m so close to increasing my AD’s which makes me feel worse and more anxious! What a vicious cycle. 😞 reading people’s replies on here makes me feel a little better, but it doesn’t last. Struggling to remain mindful at present... 

the fact that you have "other stuff" too is proof that you are in WD. As for the original issues: you can't say right now if this is because of WD or not. Since you started Meds, have you worked on why you had thos original issues (therapy etc)? has it helped? I worked a lot on myself during I was on ads and also when I tapered/quit. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't make any progress because my brain was constantly adjusting do different dosages etc. Now that I am

completely off for 2,5 years I can clearly see a huge progress and that all those sessions helped a lot. I am the best I've ever been

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Justcope
1 hour ago, Steve61 said:

Thanks for all the positive replies, guys. It is a real help in continuing this journey. 

 

I honestly do not not know what I will be like drug free. It is that long since I was drug free , 25 years, that I do not remember. My original symptoms and the withdrawal symptom are similar though, I’m sure. I want to know what it is like. I want to see if I can cope. I need to do it now at 61 or I feel that I will never do it. 

 

I’ve had sleep disturbance the last couple of nights. Awake very early and then I cannot go back to sleep..I was due to taper down last night but I have put it off because of this.  Oh well, it’s going to be a long,hard journey but thus site helps enormously.

 

Justcope, we are in a similar place. We can get through this. If we don’t do it, we will never know.

 

Steve

Hopefully we will get through it Steve. I guess the other people on here are a head of us in this awful process so that helps. 

 

A GP gave me Circadin- melatonin. Really helps with my sleep when I’m going through a wave as that and anxiety seem to be my worst symptoms. They gave me Temazapam but won’t prescribe anymore as it’s highly adictive. But I’ve found the melatonin works just as good! 

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Steve61

Pepita, ‘the best that you have ever been ‘.  That is what I wanted to hear. Thank you.

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Justcope
11 hours ago, Steve61 said:

Pepita, ‘the best that you have ever been ‘.  That is what I wanted to hear. Thank you.

Agree 😊

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Pepita

Here's a question: has anyone here had difficulties going on vacation (by being thrown into waves) and had this improved? I have to say that so many things improved since I quit my meds, I hardly remember withdrawal at times. I am working full time, different agencies, meetings- never could imagine that this would be possible again. So I can hardly complain ... BUT 😂.. there's one thing still that I seem to can't handle: vacations. One time since quitting meds I was in thailand 5 weeks (which i used to to all the years before) and 1 week croatia.Came back yesterday. It's not as bad as it was after Thailand, but only this one week sent me into weirdo-land. I take it better than the last time, I know this will pass but I for sure want to go on vacations in the future. Has anyone had similar experiences concerning holidays/vacation?

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Steve61

Hi. Pepita. I aren’t the best one to answer your question; really because I am still fairly early into my withdrawal but I went to Kraków ,Poland in May and my anxiety went through the roof for the first couple of days there. I’ve always loved holidays but always found them stressful until I’ve been there a couple of days . The holiday in Krakow was the same only multiplied by a hundred !!!  For me it’s a variety if reasons - leaving home and worrying if everything will be okay, planning the holiday, remembering everything I need to pack etc, etc.  

 

I tapered again a couple of days ago and had a terrible nights sleep last night. I think that it’s got to be a psychological effect not a physical one because it is only 2 nights into the taper. Woke up at 4am and that was it for sleep !! On the plus side, I do not feel too bad today. My withdrawals , when they are bad ,are all about, anxiety,fear,anger and intolerance.  I feel quite calm today so hopefully the sleep situation will not be long term but what do I know ???   It seems to vary all the time.

 

Steve

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Steve61
On 8/9/2018 at 11:49 AM, Justcope said:

Hopefully we will get through it Steve. I guess the other people on here are a head of us in this awful process so that helps. 

 

A GP gave me Circadin- melatonin. Really helps with my sleep when I’m going through a wave as that and anxiety seem to be my worst symptoms. They gave me Temazapam but won’t prescribe anymore as it’s highly adictive. But I’ve found the melatonin works just as good! 

Yes, anxiety is my constant companion. Has been my entire life , it is just ramped up by the withdrawals. I’ve got to be realistic though. It is not just withdrawals,. My anxiety is worse because of tapering my ad’s but it has always been there. Time for me to try new things. Meditation is at the top of the list. If I am going to live drug free, then I have got to try and find a way to master this anxiety that dominates my life. When my anxiety is really bad it can manifest itself as a physical illness. Especially aching joints. 

 

I have just tapered another 5 mgs and my anxiety is up a little more. I went to the cinema yesterday and while watching the film, I could hear sounds from the screen next door and it was annoying me. Just like the neighbours annoy me at night with their tv !!!!!!   I’m determined,though,to see this through. This site helps a lot. If it wasn’t for this site, I would have given up. Knowing that what I am going through is ‘normal’ makes it bearable

 

Steve

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Justcope
On 8/16/2018 at 7:12 PM, Steve61 said:

Yes, anxiety is my constant companion. Has been my entire life , it is just ramped up by the withdrawals. I’ve got to be realistic though. It is not just withdrawals,. My anxiety is worse because of tapering my ad’s but it has always been there. Time for me to try new things. Meditation is at the top of the list. If I am going to live drug free, then I have got to try and find a way to master this anxiety that dominates my life. When my anxiety is really bad it can manifest itself as a physical illness. Especially aching joints. 

 

I have just tapered another 5 mgs and my anxiety is up a little more. I went to the cinema yesterday and while watching the film, I could hear sounds from the screen next door and it was annoying me. Just like the neighbours annoy me at night with their tv !!!!!!   I’m determined,though,to see this through. This site helps a lot. If it wasn’t for this site, I would have given up. Knowing that what I am going through is ‘normal’ makes it bearable

 

Steve

Me too. Anxiety has always been there...  

anciety has been messing with my brain lately. I wakened and reinstated from 5mg lexapro to 10mg. The scary thing is today I feel just awful with the anxiety. Do now I’m scared that I can’t even settle it with meds. And then I feel like a failure for going back up a bit. Absolute mess right now. All I can keep saying is- it’ll pass... 

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Steve61
On 8/18/2018 at 10:27 AM, Justcope said:

Me too. Anxiety has always been there...  

anciety has been messing with my brain lately. I wakened and reinstated from 5mg lexapro to 10mg. The scary thing is today I feel just awful with the anxiety. Do now I’m scared that I can’t even settle it with meds. And then I feel like a failure for going back up a bit. Absolute mess right now. All I can keep saying is- it’ll pass... 

Yes, JC , this too shall pass. That is one big positive about suffering with  anxiety for so long  - I know that eventually it will subside. Everything passes, whether I feel good, bad or indifferent - it passes.  I know the answer, for me, is to control this anxiety instead of it controlling me. So I am persevering with meditation. I’m not very good at it but I am going to keep practicing. I really think that is where my answer, to the problem of anxiety, lies.

 

I am no expert on tapering but it does sound as if you went from 20 mgs to 5 mgs a bit quick so going back up to 10 might be a good idea. It is something that I had to do and I felt better after a few days.

 

Good luck

Steve

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Justcope
13 hours ago, Steve61 said:

Yes, JC , this too shall pass. That is one big positive about suffering with  anxiety for so long  - I know that eventually it will subside. Everything passes, whether I feel good, bad or indifferent - it passes.  I know the answer, for me, is to control this anxiety instead of it controlling me. So I am persevering with meditation. I’m not very good at it but I am going to keep practicing. I really think that is where my answer, to the problem of anxiety, lies.

 

I am no expert on tapering but it does sound as if you went from 20 mgs to 5 mgs a bit quick so going back up to 10 might be a good idea. It is something that I had to do and I felt better after a few days.

 

Good luck

Steve

Yeah I went by the dr recommendations 🙄 they thought I’d be fine to stop completely after 2 weeks! 

Ive been reading a book called “how to rewire your anxious brain”. It’s pretty fantastic and has calmed me down greatly in understanding what my drain is doing. For an anxious  person, I feel this should be our bible! 😬

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neroli
On 8/8/2018 at 9:48 PM, Steve61 said:

This is my dilemma, how do we know that it isn’t the original symptoms that we took the ad’s for in the first place ?

Steve61 - the first time I went off Citalopram I got really bloated with constipation, then on a couple of occasions a weird dizzy feeling.  Still thinking ADs were benign (duh!), I went back on them.  Second time I came off I went into anxiety and depression some months later and thought oh my, it's my "condition", so went back on them.  I now know that these were withdrawal symptoms - not my original condition (which was moderate depression, the tablets never took away my uneasiness with life, though).  Third time I came off them I had all sorts of weird aching joints, jolts of SI type thinking, intense guilt - so went back on them, still thinking it was my "condition".  Then the proverbial hit the fan when I went to the Dr telling her I was soooo tired all the time and she advised changing to another AD - was taken through 4 different ones in 6 months, felt like I'd been hit by a bus by the fourth one, CTd off it - I definitely knew that the symptoms I got that time were withdrawals, there absolutely could be no mistaking it (and I'd started searching online and found David Healy which made me realise it was protracted withdrawal - well damage, really).  Your situation is different, I know but many people report being better off them than on and there has been some research about this (thought I can't quote it to you right now because I'd have to search a whole heap to find it), Healy, has some stuff on it.  But maybe this video will be of use to you https://youtu.be/yG_tA52D-rE- Laura Delano about her removal of psych meds and how she feels better.  She has started an online initiative called Inner Compass which may be something else to help you.

 

Wish I'd found SA, Healy et al many years ago when I would have learned about withdrawal risks and maybe could have tapered safely off them.

 

I'm 61, too, and facing multi-drug withdrawal now and weak wobbly legs (that's another story).

 

Wishing you well with your taper, take it slow and steady.

 

Neroli.

 

PS originally from Nottingham.

 

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Steve61
7 hours ago, neroli said:

Steve61 - the first time I went off Citalopram I got really bloated with constipation, then on a couple of occasions a weird dizzy feeling.  Still thinking ADs were benign (duh!), I went back on them.  Second time I came off I went into anxiety and depression some months later and thought oh my, it's my "condition", so went back on them.  I now know that these were withdrawal symptoms - not my original condition (which was moderate depression, the tablets never took away my uneasiness with life, though).  Third time I came off them I had all sorts of weird aching joints, jolts of SI type thinking, intense guilt - so went back on them, still thinking it was my "condition".  Then the proverbial hit the fan when I went to the Dr telling her I was soooo tired all the time and she advised changing to another AD - was taken through 4 different ones in 6 months, felt like I'd been hit by a bus by the fourth one, CTd off it - I definitely knew that the symptoms I got that time were withdrawals, there absolutely could be no mistaking it (and I'd started searching online and found David Healy which made me realise it was protracted withdrawal - well damage, really).  Your situation is different, I know but many people report being better off them than on and there has been some research about this (thought I can't quote it to you right now because I'd have to search a whole heap to find it), Healy, has some stuff on it.  But maybe this video will be of use to you https://youtu.be/yG_tA52D-rE- Laura Delano about her removal of psych meds and how she feels better.  She has started an online initiative called Inner Compass which may be something else to help you.

 

Wish I'd found SA, Healy et al many years ago when I would have learned about withdrawal risks and maybe could have tapered safely off them.

 

I'm 61, too, and facing multi-drug withdrawal now and weak wobbly legs (that's another story).

 

Wishing you well with your taper, take it slow and steady.

 

Neroli.

 

PS originally from Nottingham.

 

 

15 hours ago, Justcope said:

Yeah I went by the dr recommendations 🙄 they thought I’d be fine to stop completely after 2 weeks! 

Ive been reading a book called “how to rewire your anxious brain”. It’s pretty fantastic and has calmed me down greatly in understanding what my drain is doing. For an anxious  person, I feel this should be our bible! 😬

Thank you, JC and Neroli. Without helpful replies and support and info, I would definitely have thought it is my original complaint and gone back on ad’s. To be honest,it is that long,since I went on to ad’s, that I can hardly remember what my original complaint/condition was. It’s 25 years ago ! I have watched the video that you recommended,neroli. Very helpful to know that what I am experiencing is normal.  I will definitely read the book JC. Has it really helped you that much ?? I am in a good place in the sense that I am like a sponge and want to absorb all available info. I think that I have to take advantage of this,while I feel this way,because (this may sound weird) it’s almost like it is the path I am meant to take. I know how quickly my moods and thought process can change ,though,so I want to grab this opportunity while I can.

Many thanks 

Steve

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Justcope
On 8/21/2018 at 1:31 AM, Steve61 said:

 

Thank you, JC and Neroli. Without helpful replies and support and info, I would definitely have thought it is my original complaint and gone back on ad’s. To be honest,it is that long,since I went on to ad’s, that I can hardly remember what my original complaint/condition was. It’s 25 years ago ! I have watched the video that you recommended,neroli. Very helpful to know that what I am experiencing is normal.  I will definitely read the book JC. Has it really helped you that much ?? I am in a good place in the sense that I am like a sponge and want to absorb all available info. I think that I have to take advantage of this,while I feel this way,because (this may sound weird) it’s almost like it is the path I am meant to take. I know how quickly my moods and thought process can change ,though,so I want to grab this opportunity while I can.

Many thanks 

Steve

The book has helped me distinguish between real life and what my brain is doing- and separating the two. It goes into detail about the different parts of the brain that cause anxiety- what it’s doing and why. I too have come to terms that I am an anxious person and I want to arm myself with as much knowledge as I can to get through this. It also goes into what we need to do to “rewire” the brain to help deal with anxiety. So far, it’s things we already know- just didn’t take seriously- meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing exercises. I’m only half way through the book. 

What got me the most was that anxiety would come from nowhere- no thought or trigger I knew of- but the book details where that comes from! Now I realise I’m not going crazy! 😂 I think it’s a must read for those of us that are anxious. I know I am- and that’s not to do with the meds- that’s why I went on them. 

I dunno- maybe I’m in a window at the moment, but bows the time to arm myself with all this info. I dropped back down to 5mg. I felt so bad going back up so decided to stay at 5 and work on meditation, breathing and exercise. 

 

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Steve61
23 hours ago, Justcope said:

The book has helped me distinguish between real life and what my brain is doing- and separating the two. It goes into detail about the different parts of the brain that cause anxiety- what it’s doing and why. I too have come to terms that I am an anxious person and I want to arm myself with as much knowledge as I can to get through this. It also goes into what we need to do to “rewire” the brain to help deal with anxiety. So far, it’s things we already know- just didn’t take seriously- meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing exercises. I’m only half way through the book. 

What got me the most was that anxiety would come from nowhere- no thought or trigger I knew of- but the book details where that comes from! Now I realise I’m not going crazy! 😂 I think it’s a must read for those of us that are anxious. I know I am- and that’s not to do with the meds- that’s why I went on them. 

I dunno- maybe I’m in a window at the moment, but bows the time to arm myself with all this info. I dropped back down to 5mg. I felt so bad going back up so decided to stay at 5 and work on meditation, breathing and exercise. 

 

Thanks for that JC. My anxiety can come, seemingly,from nowhere. Yesterday, I had a pretty good day until I sat down last night to watch tv . Then the anxiety started. It always starts in my stomach, butterflies then churning , then my brain starts racing. At least ,now, I am trying to see it for what it is instead of reacting to it. I will definitely read the book. 

 

I think we are very similar , JC in regards to anxiety and why we went on meds in the first place. I think we are in a similar place in our recovery as well.  I feel now is the time to learn as much as I can about getting off all drugs and learning about coping strategies, vitamin supplements etc. Thanks for the encouragement and info.

 

Steve

 

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Galmond

When it comes to waves and windows can anyone shed some light on what time frames seem to be milestones for people or time frames when windows become possibly more stable or frequent? And yes I'm aware everyone is different and that can play a determing factor.

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Pepita
8 hours ago, Galmond said:

When it comes to waves and windows can anyone shed some light on what time frames seem to be milestones for people or time frames when windows become possibly more stable or frequent? And yes I'm aware everyone is different and that can play a determing factor.

I was on meds 3 years. 1 year was basically terror - then waves became shorter, a little lighter etc. Now I am 3 years off and have windows that can last around 5-7 months in which I feel normal, can train work..emotional balance "normal"..well what is normal..:D Normal for me ...I feel good. 

But waves can still catch me- specially in stressful times. Then I can see that it will definitely take a few more years until I am rid of all withdrawal induces stuff. 

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Spruce30

I have a question that I was wondering if someone might be able to answer.

 

I have PSSD, and have been having mild windows (nothing like pre PSSD) and waves, for the last 3 years.

 

What I have noticed is that my waves seem to be getting weaker but also longer, and the same with my windows, i.e they are getting longer, but also weaker. This doesn't seem to fit with the pattern of the windows getting longer and stronger.

 

Is this something I should be worried about?

 

Sometimes I feel I am not making any progress at all, and that if I look back to a year ago, I only feel I have made very small improvement, if at all.

 

Should I be worried that this very slow improvement means I might never geal.?

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Nena59

Spruce30,

Hi, 

I am worried about the same thing. MY waves and windows used to be more defined. I am really discouraged about it. Will this be my life? It seems most people get more and more windows, but that hasn't been my case either. I have had a lot of stress lately, but still. I ct 2 years ago. I wish I could give you a more positive reply, but it sounds like we are sharing the same issue.

Nena

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Spruce30

Yes, especially recently I feel my windows and waves aren't following the typical path of the windows slowly getting better and the waves getting shorter and less intense. 

 

Sometimes I actually feel my progress is going backwards or is so slow it is almost glacial, or I feel I might be imagining it.

 

I do feel I have made definite but mild improvements in the genital anaesthesia and erections, but that is about it.

 

The libido and anorgasmia has barely improved at all in the last 3 years, and sometimes I think it might actually have got a bit worse.

 

It just feels like I am not progressing at the moment

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat

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Spruce30

Bump.

 

Anyone?

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