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The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

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Mikegs96

Can you have windows and waves in sexual function? Because sometimes my orgasms are 100% but other times they are really weak or aren't there at all.

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On 5/15/2019 at 5:35 AM, thecowisback said:

hormones affect withdrawals terribly in my experience. i'm peri-menopausal and i'm sure it's making withdrawal a whole lot harder to deal with. 

i class a window as the days i get when i still have the withdrawal effects but they are greatly reduced. some people class a window as any cessation in symptoms, for example i find my anxiety drops a huge amount as the evening wears on, but i don't class that as a window, that's just normal for me as my cortisol levels drop throughout the day. i've had 3 good days now which i class as a window. the first two days were great - i still had symptoms but they were manageable and not taking over my whole day. the first two days i had greatly reduced anxiety and very few intrusive thoughts, and those i had i could dismiss. the 3rd day wasn't quite so good but better than normal - that was yesterday. i was starting to feel the anxiety rising and i was getting hooked by intrusive thoughts. today my anxiety and ocd are back to what they have been throughout withdrawal so i class that as being back into a wave. i have maybe one of two days a month that i class as windows. some months go by with none, sometimes if i'm lucky i get them more often in a month. 

i just wish i could learn how to handle the waves better after a window. the windows are so blissful i never want them to end, then when i wake the next day back to 'normal' i completely wig out and feel like i'm back at square one. 

That is a relief that you think symptoms might get worse just due to hormones because it is the infamous (among the men in my house) 20th of the month timeframe and The depression and anxiety are so profound I want to run to the nearest drug peddling md and get on Prozac again as soon as possible. I am guessing the hormones are revving up the horrible symptoms to a fever pitch. Maybe too much talk therapy lately, which is a 2 and a half hour drive each way has left me too exhausted to fight. I have been going twice a week here lately and am bone tired emotionally, physically, mentally.

My sleep gets a lot worse around the 20th of the month too, which also happened even when I was on the Prozac.

I am starting to wonder about the dreaded one year wave too. Could this be it?

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thecowisback

if i'd known i was heading into menopause i would never have stopped the pills. as it is i have no idea how much my anxiety is down to hormones or withdrawals, especially when i read of other womens experiences of terrible anxiety during menopause. 

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persistente

My anxiety was unberable during waves and I do not think I am heading into menopause yet.  Even if so, staying on this poison was not the option once I learned how dangerous they can be. I just wished I knew the importance of tappering before the drugs turned against my brain.

 

I had the same issues like you. Each window, and I had so many in these nearly 2 years off, I felt great but it was always shortly followed by horrible wave that felt like I was at the beginning. But with time it improved. It looks like waves are not so district anymore. It feels more like a really bad day or not so good week. I can not be sure and I fear that those waves of hell can return but when I compare myself to that person at the beginning of wd, I know there was a huge improvement. Time helps. And maybe acceptance...

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thecowisback

👍👍👍

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On 5/21/2019 at 1:03 PM, thecowisback said:

if i'd known i was heading into menopause i would never have stopped the pills. as it is i have no idea how much my anxiety is down to hormones or withdrawals, especially when i read of other womens experiences of terrible anxiety during menopause. 

FYI I have been thru menopause and had horrible anxiety and thoughts of dread for the first year. Just like the withdrawal symptoms but not as intense probably because I was on Prozac. I was afraid every time I was in the car and someone else was driving, which is just like the first symptoms that I got when paws started. 

I just knew we were going to go over that bridge we crossed every time we crossed it, etc ....

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thecowisback

that's really interesting tweet! i never even knew anxiety was a symptom of menopause - i stupidly thought it was just a load of hot flushes and achy joints!

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lol. That's what I thought too. Learning to laugh about it helped, though.  The seven dwarves of menopause cracked me up particularly. Grumpy, sleepy, etc. One lady said she was all seven dwarves in one morning!

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thecowisback

😂😂😂

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Mole25

Hi, I am Mole,

 

Would like to "talk" to you guys on this topic. Although last Citralopram dose was in Sept 1917 (I tapered very slowly) I have still a lot of anxiety (not in the menopause) but now getting for the first time windows.

Persisente: I feel like you. When I get windows - I am elated - real happy.  Then comes a wave (over-sensitive and afraid)  - I see a neighbour or just hear his door bang and my brain produces an intense feeling of anxiety - brain blip - out of the blue. And pain in the brain. I am afraid to go shopping etc. Then I think I am getting worse. Lo and behold the next day I have a window. 

But your comments encourage me. Thank you.

We should talk regularly here and encourage each other and say we are getting better. Nobody else does it - and the doctors dont even believe us.

 

Take care, Mole - FYI: over 60 and I love my life (song Robbie Williams)

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Vonnegutjunky

Mole I may cry with joy from your post - your sumtlms are just like mine and I have never head anyone else use the term brain blip- that's what I always say - I get brain blips and anxiety from literally everything- noises, having to talk to the bathroom- everything - it's so disheartening- thank you for your post 

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Mole25
Posted (edited)

Hi Vonne,

 

Yeh, I got a "funny day" today.  Wanted to finish off a portrait - cant be bothered. Art normally takes my mind off my "Charly." A "wave" day.

 

Raining today here in Germany where I live - so no gardening today. Tomorrow will be better, I know that. Will do my Dr Joe Dispenza meditation tonight and relax. 

 

Lets correspond with each other - and boost each other up. 

 

Vonne, tomorrow you will have a great day. Put on some of your favourite music, get used to the loudness and dance with your husband.

 

Talk to you tmw.

 

Mole

Edited by Mole25

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persistente

Hello my felliw sufferers,

 

unfortunatelly I am also not doing well last 3 days. Adhedonia and depression are back. Thank God, anxiety is not present. No insomnia either so I feel I can get through this easier this time.

 

The rollecoster never stops. Nearly 2 years of wawes and windows. I thought it would be over at this time. It is hard to believe this is wd and that one day it is going to be over. Not soon enough. Who knows how much of this can I take?

 

I will try to stay calm...

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eboyd

9 days in to this wave.  They seemed to change after I began HRT.  I had a 2 week long wave and then a 2 week long window and now back to a wave 9 days in.  I have never had a window that lasted that long.  I was super productive and I really enjoyed my life during that time.  I can't wait to get back into the next window.  Hopefully it will last atleast 2 weeks again.  That would be great.  

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I hear you, persistente. Sorry you are suffering so. 

How long were the anhedonia and depression gone?

was it just a short window?

It has been one year for me and I have improved quite a bit, but I have never thought of giving up so much.

I am so tired of thinking ugly thoughts about my husband, who has been patient and kind through all this.

I am tired of feeling nothing for my God.

I am tired of the Ground Hog Day Movie mornings, that always begin the same with high anxiety and misery, followed by deep depression....

I think we just get so TIRED of the whole mess and impatient to have our life back.

I am so angry about this poisonous medicine that sometimes it is the only thing that helps me hang in there.

keep at it!

I want to see your name in the success stories one day😊

 

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persistente

Thank you. We can not give up. This is the only thing we can do. Everything else could make it worse...We will make it. One day. Hang on...

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Adili13

Anyone else have daily waves after they make a drop? It’s been almost three weeks of waves every day at 3 o’clock and 10 pmish. I find myself anticipating the waves and fearing them most of the day. 

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BfromNJ
On ‎6‎/‎1‎/‎2019 at 7:30 PM, Adili13 said:

Anyone else have daily waves after they make a drop? It’s been almost three weeks of waves every day at 3 o’clock and 10 pmish. I find myself anticipating the waves and fearing them most of the day. 

I do notice when I do it seems to be the same time each day.  its crazy. 

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thecowisback
On 5/4/2011 at 3:27 AM, Brandy said:

If you're feeling good, I think the term is "window."

 

It took me years to get the terms straight (waves and windows) and I still have to consciously think about them before I use them.

 

I think with me at least, it's because I have a mental picture of a wave as water rising joyously upward in the ocean, and I can't shake that image!!!

 

Drove me nuts for years...

 

just read this and realised why i keep getting the terms the wrong way round. i too envisage a wave as something joyous - i'm always happy when being carried along by a huge wave in the sea and so it's a term that evokes happiness for me 😉

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thecowisback
On 5/28/2019 at 5:41 PM, Tweet said:

I hear you, persistente. Sorry you are suffering so. 

How long were the anhedonia and depression gone?

was it just a short window?

It has been one year for me and I have improved quite a bit, but I have never thought of giving up so much.

I am so tired of thinking ugly thoughts about my husband, who has been patient and kind through all this.

I am tired of feeling nothing for my God.

I am tired of the Ground Hog Day Movie mornings, that always begin the same with high anxiety and misery, followed by deep depression....

I think we just get so TIRED of the whole mess and impatient to have our life back.

I am so angry about this poisonous medicine that sometimes it is the only thing that helps me hang in there.

keep at it!

I want to see your name in the success stories one day😊

 

 

yep, groundhog day perfectly sums up how i feel. it's a hopeless feeling that all this is never going to end even though i have to keep telling myself it will eventually. 

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BfromNJ
4 hours ago, thecowisback said:

 

just read this and realised why i keep getting the terms the wrong way round. i too envisage a wave as something joyous - i'm always happy when being carried along by a huge wave in the sea and so it's a term that evokes happiness for me 😉

Now see I look at it as a wave is something that can come on quick and take me under.  I kind of have a fear of water like that.    And a window is nice when opened on a nice day and letting the beautiful weather in.  

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eboyd

I have found that maintaining a level blood sugar level is essential to keeping my moods stabilized during the day.  If I go too long without eating I will turn into a raging bear.  Does anyone else find that this helps them as well?  During waves it doesn't matter as much.  But definitely when I am in a window it is essential.

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eboyd

Thanks ChessieCat.  It isn't just me then.  

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Just fyi I have the same thing.

Anxiety kicks up when I need to eat. 

Also,  when I  get too tired. 

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Tom37

Hi all,

 

A lot of reading  I’ve done suggests the windows get longer and clearer the further out you get while the waves gets weaker and shorter. I’ve been getting longer and clearer windows but currently in the midst  of what feels like the biggest wave I’ve ever had. Throw in insomnia where I can’t sleep at all at its definitely the worst. The last wave about 4 weeks ago was also bad but not as bad as this. Anyone else noticed this trend of having bad waves the further along you go? Did it result in bigger improvements afterwards? Was it the beginning of a big turning point for you? Did the waves eventually start to lessen?

 

 

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Spruce30

Tom 37 i would like an answer to this myself Re the waves. The further out i get, the longer the waves seem to get, although they seem to be getting a  bit weaker as time goes on. It doesn't make much sense at all.

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Tom and Spruce.  I am feeling very much normal, except for that constant nagging anxiety, during my windows. 

They are also lasting longer, even a week maybe 2. Then comes a wave and I am completely engulfed for days, usually 2 or 3, sometimes more, but VERY difficult to manage. 

Huge suffering. 

I have even started talking to dh about medications during one of these.

I get on the brink of suicidal again. 

Our torn and battered marriage is rocked AGAIN.

I really don’t think it is the actual wave, but more that, now that I am farther out I am bone tired physically and emotionally so I am perceiving the wave as worse.

Even during the wave I know in reality I feel way better than my best day back in September-February.

I guess what I am saying is, ARE the waves longer or deeper or is our poisoned brain playing tricks on us?(again)

Tom, the 10 month and one year megawaves are very much a reality, and the length and intensity are breathtaking. These can drag on for weeks. For me one was 4-5 weeks solid.

I also have heard I think of a 15 or 18 month wave here somewhere. 

Not good to expect it, but if you are blindsided by a very deep and long one it could be that.

I think of it as Satan not wanting to let go control of my mind and giving it one last desperate

try to unhinge me from stopping the meds. 

When I insist, also, on thinking how long can I take This, or about what it will be like if I never get better

this also weakens me, so for me this thought is discouraged when it comes along.

I also try not to think about how, 6 months ago I thought this would be over, yet here I am....

 

 

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savinggrace

is there ever a rapid pattern of windows and waves?  I seldom have windows but if I do it just lasts one day usually and then I am back to waves, though the depth of the trough or wave varies from day to day...  Admittedly did not read all eleven pages here, but I feel like I have super long waves and mini-windows...the windows are almost the exact opposite of how I usually feel.

 

if I knew some of these symptoms were not really getting worse, but just reappearing and going to go away again soon, it would be easier.

 

Grace

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hussy

i am 2.5 months out. i had windows and waves after 3 months in withdrawal. then the windows were becoming stronger. i was at 70 percent in my good windows days around 1.5 years in withdrawal. then after that suddently i went in a bad wave and this bad wave has continued for about 1 year now. some symptoms like fatigue are getting a lot worse ovr time

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Tom37

Hi all,

 

Anyone else notice their waves seem to come in cycles for certain period of time and then change?

 

Im in my second wave of this ‘cycle’ and it feels pretty much exactly the same as the first wave. Have had this happens quite a few times with the odd random different wave sometimes in between cycles. Feels like the body keeps trying to fix a certain thing but isn’t quite happy with the result so does it again and again until it is then moves on to the next bit. 

 

I know everyone is different but that’s how it seems to go for me.

 

 

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ChessieCat
On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.

 

 

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Nena59

Love that ChessieCat! thanks for sharing. It will be a good way to explain this horrific process to my loved ones.

 

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.

 

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persistente

I have been free of a major wave for the last month. Last year at this time it was the same. I hope October does nog bring the hell again. However, my waves are so mild when compared to those at the beginning of wd. The time really helps. Persistence and endurance result in complete healing. I hope.

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Elyssa143

@persistentethat is so nice to read! Im 17 months into this hell. And although still very very tough, my waves arent like they once were. But of course im still scared of them going back to that. I still struggled and have very tough times but I am hoping as the months go on the waves become less. I do find it hard to be feeling better and then smacked back down. Im glad you are doing better. I hope to be there soon!

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