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The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

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bubbles

What does it mean if there are no windows at all? After, say, several months? Not WD? Something else?

 

(PS, this isn't about me.)

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thecowisback

i'm wondering how others cope with the 'come down' after a window. i get a good day now and then when i feel a whole lot less scared and depressed and while a long way from 'normal' it's certainly a break from the feeling of constant terror. i love these days, but i know that the next day i'm going to be back to square one again. i had a window yesterday and today i'm feeling terrified of everything all over again and it feels like i'm back to square one. 

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RusTW

 has anybody experienced has anybody experienced their windows in the evening only I'm still tapering Seroquel and I'm getting windows in the evening and then when I wake up I have the anxiety and the nausea

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Justcope
On 7/5/2018 at 5:45 PM, Pepita said:

Hi there - I also always experience this sort or "merging" from wave to window where I really feel like my system is recovering from the wave. And I know too well that I tend to forget that I could ever feel this bad again. Oftentimes I ask myself 3 days after a wave is over: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??? How could I ever feel this way? Luckily I do have longer windows now that I am 2,5 years off meds. Windows can last up to 7 months. Not that everything is pitch perfect in this time but pretty normal. I´ll have maybe a few days where I feel more tired/anxious/sad but nothing that I can´t handle or that prevents me from going on with  my life -  and it passes quickly. Hopefully everything will even out for you soon :)))) 

Been a been a while since I’ve been on here. Truthfully- I’ve bern in a window for about 2 months. It’s been wonderful. Then this morning the anxiety hit. It’s **** I’ve lost all the good days of the last two months. 

Ive got my mantra going- this will pass. But my WD brain is trying to tell me it’s dtivking round for good. I know it won’t. Just sucks. 

Thats my whinge for today. 

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Pepita
On 7/5/2018 at 9:17 PM, Ox123 said:


Yep!! I've even laughed during a window at how severe I let myself get.

How do your waves arrive? I've noticed most of mine are quite sudden, usually the external triggers precede the most lethal waves. I can recall waves trigger within seconds while I'm in a window. Kind of like the feeling you'd get if you'd just heard some really bad news, but it doesn't get processed and just mutates into a totally different beast. Usually completely psychological too, which is confusing my therapist. He doesn't understand how I can trigger these waves with no physical symptoms, since im using the words 'panic' and 'anxiety attack'.

 

 

hmmmmm no usually my waves don't come that sudden. I do have those times where my mood changes 100 times a day- that happens really quickly, like you described. But usually my waves are triggered by stress at home, personal stress, too much training etc. But that's a littl over 2 years off meds;) right after quitting I just felt horroble throughout 8 months with maybe a few hours of windows

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Pepita
On 7/18/2018 at 3:14 PM, Justcope said:

Been a been a while since I’ve been on here. Truthfully- I’ve bern in a window for about 2 months. It’s been wonderful. Then this morning the anxiety hit. It’s **** I’ve lost all the good days of the last two months. 

Ive got my mantra going- this will pass. But my WD brain is trying to tell me it’s dtivking round for good. I know it won’t. Just sucks. 

Thats my whinge for today. 

I kno what you mean! when it turns dark it feels like it's never been different! Got to be mindfulnof that, be gentle and nice to yourself and remind you that this will again change! 

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Steve61

I’ve been reading lots of the posts on this thread and I have a question that constantly goes around in my head. I have the windows and waves, much, much more waves than windows at the moment. When I am in a wave , I am anxious, withdrawn, frightened about the future, don’t want to see anyone, angry etc.  So my question is - how do I differentiate between the withdrawal symptoms and how I was prior to taking my ad.

 

I read all the posts and it is as if the ads have caused all the problems but surely all of us went onto the drugs in the first place because of depression, anxiety, inability to cope etc etc. which are very similar to the symptoms of the withdrawal. I’m going through this because I really want to see if it’s better without drugs but my biggest fear is that I could do this for 12 or 18 months finally get off the drug only to find that I am back to where I started when I needed the drug originally. 

 

Any help ,experience or advice would be appreciated.

 

Steve

 

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Pepita
1 hour ago, Steve61 said:

I’ve been reading lots of the posts on this thread and I have a question that constantly goes around in my head. I have the windows and waves, much, much more waves than windows at the moment. When I am in a wave , I am anxious, withdrawn, frightened about the future, don’t want to see anyone, angry etc.  So my question is - how do I differentiate between the withdrawal symptoms and how I was prior to taking my ad.

 

I read all the posts and it is as if the ads have caused all the problems but surely all of us went onto the drugs in the first place because of depression, anxiety, inability to cope etc etc. which are very similar to the symptoms of the withdrawal. I’m going through this because I really want to see if it’s better without drugs but my biggest fear is that I could do this for 12 or 18 months finally get off the drug only to find that I am back to where I started when I needed the drug originally. 

 

Any help ,experience or advice would be appreciated.

 

Steve

 

Hi Steve,

I know EXACTLY what you mean!!! I felt/thought the same way - but now I know for sure that most of the issues were withdrawal. I say most, because as you said: there were reasons (at least for most of us) that got us on the drugs that are very similar to wd-symptoms. I felt so much worse in my acute withdrawal than prior to taking meds that I mostly trusted that all of this was withdrawal. But of course I had doubts every so often!!! 

The thing is: you can only trust tue process and fully commit yourself to give your body and mind the time it needs. There is no one who can proof to you that this is just withdrawal BUT there are so many, including me, who can tell you that everything withdrawal- related will pass in time! How did you feel before starting medication? what were your symptoms before, what are they now? I for example had mild panic attacks and depressive mood swings before taking meds- in withdrawal I haf that multiplied by a 1000 and various other issues so I knew that was new- it must be wd! 

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Steve61

Pepita, thank you so much for your reply. If I am completely honest with you, I am not sure if the withdrawals are different to my original symptoms or not. I’ve been on them for 25 years so it is not clear in my memory any more. That is one thing that I am sure about, Dosulepin has messed with my memory !!! 

 

My story is a complicated one in that I am an alcoholic, a recovering one. I got sober 30 years ago and after 5 years I was struggling to cope with life so that’s when I went on the ad’s. Now when I think back , my nervous system was probably still stabilising after the horrific battering it had taken from alcohol. 

 

So I don’t know ???  I am committed to this . I want to know what I will be like drug free but it is so hard and I do think every so often -  is it worth it ??

 

So so has it been worth it for you , Pepita ?? If so,in what ways, has it improved your life ?

 

Steve

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Pepita
22 minutes ago, Steve61 said:

Pepita, thank you so much for your reply. If I am completely honest with you, I am not sure if the withdrawals are different to my original symptoms or not. I’ve been on them for 25 years so it is not clear in my memory any more. That is one thing that I am sure about, Dosulepin has messed with my memory !!! 

 

My story is a complicated one in that I am an alcoholic, a recovering one. I got sober 30 years ago and after 5 years I was struggling to cope with life so that’s when I went on the ad’s. Now when I think back , my nervous system was probably still stabilising after the horrific battering it had taken from alcohol. 

 

So I don’t know ???  I am committed to this . I want to know what I will be like drug free but it is so hard and I do think every so often -  is it worth it ??

 

So so has it been worth it for you , Pepita ?? If so,in what ways, has it improved your life ?

 

Steve

Hi Steve!

first of: congratulations that you came off alcohol and 2) it's quite possible that your sStem was still recovering from that and as well I guess there was some reason why you were drinking. Maybe you didn't adjust you life in a way that would have been helpful- and that's a really tough thing to do because a) very often we don't even notice what we need to change and b) often we don't want to change😂

 

It was like that in my case. I realized over tue past years that I was treating myself wrong. I am a very very sensitive person but all I love to do is do things that are too much for me: Work too much + already a stressful job, training too much + going out too much + supressing all negative sad things in my life... all that lead me to feeling panicky or depressed (light depression but still being able to to my things) and well... my solution (or the doctors) were to take meds. So now that I am living my life without meds I am sure taking very good care for myself so that I live my life and do the things according to the needs of my nervous system;) yes in the beginning that's hard, I am used to putting pressure on myself.. I always was that all in or all out person, you know? I can't just train 2 a week- no, I wanna get better so it's 6 times.. like that:) I also found a. ery good therapist but actually it took me just a few sessions to understand what I had to do.

And yes, I do think it's totally worth it:))) besides rare waves I am feeling better than ever and getting more and more connected to the real me.

25 years is a really long time... how long since you're off? If you feel like you want to know and be the real you and you can cope as good as possible I think you should do it:)))) I always told myself: 5 years! I want to live 5 years without medication and if all in all I am good - I'll stay off:)

you already quit alcohol so you must be pretty strong! 

 

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Steve61

Thank you Pepita. You are helping so much. I identify with a lot of things that you say. Especially the training. I love to lift weights and I am always pushing myself to lift heavier weights and sometimes, I know, that they are too heavy. That then hurts my CNS. I am an obsessive personality type at the best of times. 

 

I will  never have a more relaxing time to try and quit. I’m retired and have nothing particularly stressful in my life. I can always find something to stress over though !!!  I learned a lot about myself when I quit drinking and a lot of it is about acceptance. If Im going to do this then I have to accept that things will get hard at times.  

 

I sort of deceived myself with ad’s. Because I am an alcoholic and addict, I would not mess with drugs that give me an instant hit. Weed, Valium, strong painkillers etc. I get addicted too easily. I was led to believe that ad’s are non addictive. I understand now that I don’t crave the drug like alcohol etc but this withdrawal syndrome is just as painful. 

 

I am trying to find different ways to cope and have recently started meditation classes.  I think that there may be something that will be helpful to me there.

 

Thanks again

Steve

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Pepita
2 hours ago, Steve61 said:

Thank you Pepita. You are helping so much. I identify with a lot of things that you say. Especially the training. I love to lift weights and I am always pushing myself to lift heavier weights and sometimes, I know, that they are too heavy. That then hurts my CNS. I am an obsessive personality type at the best of times. 

 

I will  never have a more relaxing time to try and quit. I’m retired and have nothing particularly stressful in my life. I can always find something to stress over though !!!  I learned a lot about myself when I quit drinking and a lot of it is about acceptance. If Im going to do this then I have to accept that things will get hard at times.  

 

I sort of deceived myself with ad’s. Because I am an alcoholic and addict, I would not mess with drugs that give me an instant hit. Weed, Valium, strong painkillers etc. I get addicted too easily. I was led to believe that ad’s are non addictive. I understand now that I don’t crave the drug like alcohol etc but this withdrawal syndrome is just as painful. 

 

I am trying to find different ways to cope and have recently started meditation classes.  I think that there may be something that will be helpful to me there.

 

Thanks again

Steve

Hi Steve,

yes, you can be stressed without any external indicators, I know too well;) It's personality I guess. I was always like that. When I startet ground school, in my first geography class I was asked a question I couldn't answer- so the rest of the day I studied until I knew all the countries😂 

 

How do you like meditation? I love it but it took a long while too until I could really enjoy it and get the calming benefits but it gets better and better and I find it very very helpful! 

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Steve61

Pepita

 

I think that Ive made a bit of a breakthrough with the meditation. I have tried at home ,many times ,without success. In the class  I finally was able to empty my mind. Only for a very short period of time but I did it. I think it was because I give up on it at home too easily. If I can’t get in the ‘zone’ , I give up. In the class I went through this stage and then progressed. I’m going to persist with the tapering and the meditation. You have been a great help. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

 

Steve

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Pepita
3 hours ago, Steve61 said:

Pepita

 

I think that Ive made a bit of a breakthrough with the meditation. I have tried at home ,many times ,without success. In the class  I finally was able to empty my mind. Only for a very short period of time but I did it. I think it was because I give up on it at home too easily. If I can’t get in the ‘zone’ , I give up. In the class I went through this stage and then progressed. I’m going to persist with the tapering and the meditation. You have been a great help. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

 

Steve

It's a pleasure to be of help!! really!!! I had the same thoughts sooooo often and I loved to hear from people that they did it and that all of this is leading somewhere! I am off 2,5 years now and of course, timing is different for everyone but I know for sure that it gets better and if you commit it's such a chance to learn and grow❤️

if you are on facebook, there's a group by baylissa frederik called "dearest friend"... it's a page solely for being supportive of oneself and learning to love yourself. First it felt silly but it really helped me sooooo much!!! and somehow it helps to write it in a group rather than only for yourself! you can check it out if you want to!

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Frances72

In my own experience as a recovering heroin addict and alcoholic, which I then used to help my mother come off 20+ years of ad's to become a truly awesome happy grandmother and super woman, I can't stress enough the importance of a healthy diet. NOT the type of diet the dietician or doctor recommends, but a traditional style diet high in pastured animal fats, organ meats, bone broth, organic vegetables, wild caught fish and roe, properly prepared organic grains, raw dairy (preferably cultured) etc. And complete avoidance of certain foods that will prevent recovery, or greatly slow it down, for eg; refined vegetable oils (canola, rice bran, cotton seed, sunflower oil, soya oil etc), margarines, refined flowers, refined sugars, artificial sweeteners, factory farmed meat and eggs, chemical additives. You basically need to always eat at home and cook from scratch. See the Price Pottenger Foundation, Weston A Price Foundation (though avoid there cod liver oil, a bit of controversy there), Gut and Psychology Syndrome (GAPS) 

Wishing you all, all the very best. Mum has been so happy for 2+ years now. IT took her two years to feel consistently well with no waves etc and to start putting on weight. She looks and feels awesome at age 66. 

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Steve61

Thanks for the replies. I’m willing to take advice wherever I get it. Ignorance is contempt prior to investigation. So I will investigate everything that has been suggested.

 

Seem to be getting more waves at the moment and I am due to taper this week. I might put it off until I feel more stable.

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Frances72

PS Steve, if you use wifi, you must turn it off while you sleep. Turn off mobiles and cordless phones. Learn basic building biology to keep your home, especially where you sleep as safe as possible. Keep the blue tooth and wifi options on your smart phone (if you have one) off to keep your radiation exposure to a minimum. 

 

 

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Justcope
On 8/4/2018 at 2:52 AM, Pepita said:

Hi Steve,

yes, you can be stressed without any external indicators, I know too well;) It's personality I guess. I was always like that. When I startet ground school, in my first geography class I was asked a question I couldn't answer- so the rest of the day I studied until I knew all the countries😂 

 

How do you like meditation? I love it but it took a long while too until I could really enjoy it and get the calming benefits but it gets better and better and I find it very very helpful! 

Reading these threads is everything to me at the moment. Like Steve- I’m questioning my sanity and so close to wanting to start a new drug! I’m sick of questioning my life. 

I think my pattern is that a wave is coming on then I search for reasons as to why my anxiety is hitting again- usually attaching it to my home life, my husband (who is the best) etc. then I beat myself up as I feel horrible for thinking this way. I find it so hard to think that my brain is healing when I feel so awful. Other than an upset gut, my symptoms are mostly emotional and in one day I can go through every emotion under the sun! 

I did meditation for some months then went through a window and stopped. Thinking of starting it up again... 

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Justcope
On 8/4/2018 at 6:43 PM, Steve61 said:

Thanks for the replies. I’m willing to take advice wherever I get it. Ignorance is contempt prior to investigation. So I will investigate everything that has been suggested.

 

Seem to be getting more waves at the moment and I am due to taper this week. I might put it off until I feel more stable.

I’m with you Steve! I feel the same! I’m close to wanting to go back on meds because these waves are awful! Mine are mostly emotional and anxiety based- which is why I went on the drugs in the first place!  I am on a super low dose of my meds so I’m terrified of stopping completely! 

Your posts are very encouraging. Glad I’m not alone 😞

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Steve61

Justcope, yes, I identify a lot with a lot of the things that you talk about. My withdrawals are mostly emotional and anxiety based and those were the main reasons why I started taking the drug in the first place. That’s why I keep getting the thought ‘is it withdrawal or is it the original symptoms returning ‘. When I have a wave I tend to attach the anxiety, anger etc to something or someone. It’s usually my partner who gets it and she is sooo understanding and does not deserve any of it. At the moment my anxiety and anger is directed at my neighbours who I believe have their tv on too loud. It’s taking me all my efforts not to confront them about it but my partner insists it is exactly the same as it has been for the last 15 years !!!! I also hate confrontation so I play that scenario around in my head !!!

 

I am going to stick it out though. I want to know what life is like drug free. This site has helped enormously. Without it, I would have gone back up to my normal dose and given up on trying to stop. I would just have believed that (because of my withdrawal Symptoms) I needed the drug. I would be convinced that my original symptoms had returned.

 

Im going to pres on with meditation. I find it so hard to do !!!  I have a racing  brain. 100 different thoughts going through my mind constantly. When I do manage to empty my mind ( if only for a few seconds ) It gives me hope. I realise now that my mind has always controlled me and it should be me controlling my mind.

 

Good Luck

Steve

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Chochka

Hi Steve.

 

I really identify with what you are describing. I had a year of intense anger when I first came off 5 years ago and it was so hard not to take it out on people. I nearly lost friends that year and ended up going back on the meds. I just could not let go of issues that now I see as mildly irritating and I found it hard to talk to people about things without exploding. Now I am nearly 2 years off meds completely and still have more waves than windows. One symptom is uncontrolled anxiety now and I fixate on something and cannot let it go. I have been abroad for the last few months and left my home and much-loved ducks and cats in the care of a tenant who I don't know. I regularly wake up in the night and panic about the animals. I am annoying my friends by facebooking them and asking them to go and check on the animals so I can get a decent night's sleep. Then I'm fine for a while and then I'll have a sleepless night and that will be it again until someone goes round and tells me they are ok. I've even thought about going home early because of it. (It's a PhD reserach trip so going home would mean jacking that in completely.)

 

I also meditate. It's not an immediate thing although I do sleep much better if I do it, but I'm sure it makes a difference in the long run. I have noticed myself reacting badly to immediate stress, like when I was bitten by a dog a couple of weeks ago and the wave I'm in immediately took a turn for the worse for a few days. I am positive that it can make a difference to that kind of reaction so I reckon that over a period of time it has a good effect on a wave. Don't worry about not 'being in the zone' for the entire time you are meditating. I've been taught that there is no 'zone' and it is the returning to that state that is the important thing, not remaining in it. I know that even if I have a really terrible session and not really focus all the way through, which is usual when I'm in a wave, I still sleep much better than if I don't meditate at all so it must be doing something.

 

All the best. Coming off this stuff is really major and it can take a long time. You seem to be doing really well.

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Pepita
16 hours ago, Justcope said:

Reading these threads is everything to me at the moment. Like Steve- I’m questioning my sanity and so close to wanting to start a new drug! I’m sick of questioning my life. 

I think my pattern is that a wave is coming on then I search for reasons as to why my anxiety is hitting again- usually attaching it to my home life, my husband (who is the best) etc. then I beat myself up as I feel horrible for thinking this way. I find it so hard to think that my brain is healing when I feel so awful. Other than an upset gut, my symptoms are mostly emotional and in one day I can go through every emotion under the sun! 

I did meditation for some months then went through a window and stopped. Thinking of starting it up again... 

Hi!

Yes, always looking for reasons is exhausting!! I guess it's normal, because we feel like we "have to solve" this. But that's just what withdrawal is. It is windows/waves, feeling confident one moment and doubting everything in the next. Although I am soooooooooo much better already I can still fall into waves (mostly small, shortlived ones. My last big one was in January) but I definitely got better at not blaming myself and driving myself crazy looking for reasons and doubting my sanity. I also know what you mean by changing emotions 200 times a day, it's exhausting!!!! you never really know what's coming next, it's hard to plan anything. 

But here's a thought: you said you meditated for a while and then stopped when you were in a window. That's something I realized for myself as well: my pattern is: do a lot of something when you can (for example work and train) and stop everything and meditate when you can't (when being in a wave). For a while now I have been following a plan: Train twice a week and do this no matter how you feel. Meditate regularly, no matter how you feel.. this consistency has helped a lot and I am finally starting to understand a balanced lifestyle😂 

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Steve61

Thanks for all your experience, guys. It’s a real help to me. One thing that continues to bug me though, will it be worth it in the end ? I know that the only way to find out is to see it through to the end and hopefully ,eventually, become drug free.  Chockha has very kindly shared her experiences of having waves 2 years after becoming drug free. This is my dilemma, how do we know that it isn’t the original symptoms that we took the ad’s for in the first place ?  I suppose my question is to you, Chockha. Has it been worth it ?

 

Once again, thanks for the experience, strength and hope.

Steve

 

 

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Chochka

Hi Steve.

 

My answer is that yes, it is very worth it in the end. I was put on ADs for CFS not for depression and my symptoms of withdrawal are so different from my initial symptoms that I know it's not my original ones returning. I have developed so much in the years that I have been withdrawing and learned how to deal with stuff that i couldn't deal with before. It's like the old saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I don't believe that for every situation but for this one I do. So far I've spent 5 and a half years coming off a drug that I was on for 4 years and the withdrawal has often been miles worse than the CFS that I was on them for. But I am much more 'myself' and in the windows I feel like the person I was years ago before I became ill. And that is well worth it even though the windows are still few and far between. I'm 48 and although I think this will go on for at least another two years, possibly even longer, the years I will have drug free will outnumber those numbed down by the drug or in chaos with the withdrawal. Someone earlier in this thread write that s/he was training twice a week - I have started cycling every day in the last couple of months however I feel and that's the first time I've been able to do that for years. I'm not just talking in a physical sense but also in a motivational sense. I used to be a triathlete before this nightmare started and was out training for hours every day. While on the drug my motivation and drive were numbed down,as well as my emotions, and coming off has unleashed that again. I am also learning how to deal with unpleasant emotions which years ago I would have struggled with.

 

So yes, I think it is worth it. Even though it has been one of the most difficult things I have done in my entire life.

 

Keep plodding on Steve, just one foot in front of the other. Eventually it will end and then you will look back and not regret coming off.

 

All the best.

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Pepita
2 minutes ago, Chochka said:

Hi Steve.

 

My answer is that yes, it is very worth it in the end. I was put on ADs for CFS not for depression and my symptoms of withdrawal are so different from my initial symptoms that I know it's not my original ones returning. I have developed so much in the years that I have been withdrawing and learned how to deal with stuff that i couldn't deal with before. It's like the old saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I don't believe that for every situation but for this one I do. So far I've spent 5 and a half years coming off a drug that I was on for 4 years and the withdrawal has often been miles worse than the CFS that I was on them for. But I am much more 'myself' and in the windows I feel like the person I was years ago before I became ill. And that is well worth it even though the windows are still few and far between. I'm 48 and although I think this will go on for at least another two years, possibly even longer, the years I will have drug free will outnumber those numbed down by the drug or in chaos with the withdrawal. Someone earlier in this thread write that s/he was training twice a week - I have started cycling every day in the last couple of months however I feel and that's the first time I've been able to do that for years. I'm not just talking in a physical sense but also in a motivational sense. I used to be a triathlete before this nightmare started and was out training for hours every day. While on the drug my motivation and drive were numbed down,as well as my emotions, and coming off has unleashed that again. I am also learning how to deal with unpleasant emotions which years ago I would have struggled with.

 

So yes, I think it is worth it. Even though it has been one of the most difficult things I have done in my entire life.

 

Keep plodding on Steve, just one foot in front of the other. Eventually it will end and then you will look back and not regret coming off.

 

All the best.

❤️ so true! I am all with you! It's totally worth to go through this for yourself and to give you the chance to become the real you again. congratulations that you've come so far and that you went through the worst so you got your strength back to fully believe in you and support yourself! 

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Pepita
27 minutes ago, Steve61 said:

Thanks for all your experience, guys. It’s a real help to me. One thing that continues to bug me though, will it be worth it in the end ? I know that the only way to find out is to see it through to the end and hopefully ,eventually, become drug free.  Chockha has very kindly shared her experiences of having waves 2 years after becoming drug free. This is my dilemma, how do we know that it isn’t the original symptoms that we took the ad’s for in the first place ?  I suppose my question is to you, Chockha. Has it been worth it ?

 

Once again, thanks for the experience, strength and hope.

Steve

 

 

Steve, I think even if you should decide to go back on meds in 10 years it has been worth it because you give your system the chance to heal and fight for yourself! 

 

why did you quit/started to taper? were you oerfectly fine on meds? 

 

another question is: what difference does it make really? wouldn't you want to find a way to deal with depression/anxiety if it wasn't wd-related? 

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Frances72

 

My Mother says it was absolutely worth coming off the meds! She is awesome and best she's ever been now age 66! 20 years on SSLR's and numb and disconnected.

 

Of course its worth it, your real life is worth it! For you and everyone close to you!

 

Make changes. Get healthy. Have any of you read Dr Peter Breggins book "Psychotropic Drug Withdrawal"? 

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Justcope
13 hours ago, Steve61 said:

Thanks for all your experience, guys. It’s a real help to me. One thing that continues to bug me though, will it be worth it in the end ? I know that the only way to find out is to see it through to the end and hopefully ,eventually, become drug free.  Chockha has very kindly shared her experiences of having waves 2 years after becoming drug free. This is my dilemma, how do we know that it isn’t the original symptoms that we took the ad’s for in the first place ?  I suppose my question is to you, Chockha. Has it been worth it ?

 

Once again, thanks for the experience, strength and hope.

Steve

 

 

This is my dilemma too! And my biggest fear. For me- the original stuff is back but also extra stuff, which is terrifying! I’m in a wave right now but it often feels like it will be like this forever. I’m so close to increasing my AD’s which makes me feel worse and more anxious! What a vicious cycle. 😞 reading people’s replies on here makes me feel a little better, but it doesn’t last. Struggling to remain mindful at present... 

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Steve61

Thanks for all the positive replies, guys. It is a real help in continuing this journey. 

 

I honestly do not not know what I will be like drug free. It is that long since I was drug free , 25 years, that I do not remember. My original symptoms and the withdrawal symptom are similar though, I’m sure. I want to know what it is like. I want to see if I can cope. I need to do it now at 61 or I feel that I will never do it. 

 

I’ve had sleep disturbance the last couple of nights. Awake very early and then I cannot go back to sleep..I was due to taper down last night but I have put it off because of this.  Oh well, it’s going to be a long,hard journey but thus site helps enormously.

 

Justcope, we are in a similar place. We can get through this. If we don’t do it, we will never know.

 

Steve

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Pepita
11 hours ago, Justcope said:

This is my dilemma too! And my biggest fear. For me- the original stuff is back but also extra stuff, which is terrifying! I’m in a wave right now but it often feels like it will be like this forever. I’m so close to increasing my AD’s which makes me feel worse and more anxious! What a vicious cycle. 😞 reading people’s replies on here makes me feel a little better, but it doesn’t last. Struggling to remain mindful at present... 

the fact that you have "other stuff" too is proof that you are in WD. As for the original issues: you can't say right now if this is because of WD or not. Since you started Meds, have you worked on why you had thos original issues (therapy etc)? has it helped? I worked a lot on myself during I was on ads and also when I tapered/quit. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't make any progress because my brain was constantly adjusting do different dosages etc. Now that I am

completely off for 2,5 years I can clearly see a huge progress and that all those sessions helped a lot. I am the best I've ever been

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Justcope
1 hour ago, Steve61 said:

Thanks for all the positive replies, guys. It is a real help in continuing this journey. 

 

I honestly do not not know what I will be like drug free. It is that long since I was drug free , 25 years, that I do not remember. My original symptoms and the withdrawal symptom are similar though, I’m sure. I want to know what it is like. I want to see if I can cope. I need to do it now at 61 or I feel that I will never do it. 

 

I’ve had sleep disturbance the last couple of nights. Awake very early and then I cannot go back to sleep..I was due to taper down last night but I have put it off because of this.  Oh well, it’s going to be a long,hard journey but thus site helps enormously.

 

Justcope, we are in a similar place. We can get through this. If we don’t do it, we will never know.

 

Steve

Hopefully we will get through it Steve. I guess the other people on here are a head of us in this awful process so that helps. 

 

A GP gave me Circadin- melatonin. Really helps with my sleep when I’m going through a wave as that and anxiety seem to be my worst symptoms. They gave me Temazapam but won’t prescribe anymore as it’s highly adictive. But I’ve found the melatonin works just as good! 

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Steve61

Pepita, ‘the best that you have ever been ‘.  That is what I wanted to hear. Thank you.

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Justcope
11 hours ago, Steve61 said:

Pepita, ‘the best that you have ever been ‘.  That is what I wanted to hear. Thank you.

Agree 😊

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Pepita

Here's a question: has anyone here had difficulties going on vacation (by being thrown into waves) and had this improved? I have to say that so many things improved since I quit my meds, I hardly remember withdrawal at times. I am working full time, different agencies, meetings- never could imagine that this would be possible again. So I can hardly complain ... BUT 😂.. there's one thing still that I seem to can't handle: vacations. One time since quitting meds I was in thailand 5 weeks (which i used to to all the years before) and 1 week croatia.Came back yesterday. It's not as bad as it was after Thailand, but only this one week sent me into weirdo-land. I take it better than the last time, I know this will pass but I for sure want to go on vacations in the future. Has anyone had similar experiences concerning holidays/vacation?

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Steve61

Hi. Pepita. I aren’t the best one to answer your question; really because I am still fairly early into my withdrawal but I went to Kraków ,Poland in May and my anxiety went through the roof for the first couple of days there. I’ve always loved holidays but always found them stressful until I’ve been there a couple of days . The holiday in Krakow was the same only multiplied by a hundred !!!  For me it’s a variety if reasons - leaving home and worrying if everything will be okay, planning the holiday, remembering everything I need to pack etc, etc.  

 

I tapered again a couple of days ago and had a terrible nights sleep last night. I think that it’s got to be a psychological effect not a physical one because it is only 2 nights into the taper. Woke up at 4am and that was it for sleep !! On the plus side, I do not feel too bad today. My withdrawals , when they are bad ,are all about, anxiety,fear,anger and intolerance.  I feel quite calm today so hopefully the sleep situation will not be long term but what do I know ???   It seems to vary all the time.

 

Steve

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Steve61
On 8/9/2018 at 11:49 AM, Justcope said:

Hopefully we will get through it Steve. I guess the other people on here are a head of us in this awful process so that helps. 

 

A GP gave me Circadin- melatonin. Really helps with my sleep when I’m going through a wave as that and anxiety seem to be my worst symptoms. They gave me Temazapam but won’t prescribe anymore as it’s highly adictive. But I’ve found the melatonin works just as good! 

Yes, anxiety is my constant companion. Has been my entire life , it is just ramped up by the withdrawals. I’ve got to be realistic though. It is not just withdrawals,. My anxiety is worse because of tapering my ad’s but it has always been there. Time for me to try new things. Meditation is at the top of the list. If I am going to live drug free, then I have got to try and find a way to master this anxiety that dominates my life. When my anxiety is really bad it can manifest itself as a physical illness. Especially aching joints. 

 

I have just tapered another 5 mgs and my anxiety is up a little more. I went to the cinema yesterday and while watching the film, I could hear sounds from the screen next door and it was annoying me. Just like the neighbours annoy me at night with their tv !!!!!!   I’m determined,though,to see this through. This site helps a lot. If it wasn’t for this site, I would have given up. Knowing that what I am going through is ‘normal’ makes it bearable

 

Steve

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