Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

Prestorb

Recommended Posts

Hey Pre, I so get what you're going through. I'm with you all the way. Just keep "fake it till you make it". You'll get there.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Thanks Clarabella and AliG for your support and encouragement! I really appreciate your stopping by my thread, it means so much to know I am not completely alone in this process. I often feel that way, with only my son and husband for family in the state, and living here less than four years. Not to mention the lovely isolating we tend to do when we are not feeling up to "citizen grade" - as Dave puts it.

 

But I wanted to post that I actually had a great day yesterday! I had jumped through all the hoops in September of last year to be able to substitute teach in our public school system. I thought this would be a perfect 1-2 day a week "job" during school hours because I have an 11 year old son, and choose to no longer work full time in my field (where part-time isn't an option). But tolerance depression hit, then cross-tapering and WD, and I had yet to substitute teach a single day. I was apprehensive, to say the least, and not terribly motivated.

 

But a teacher I know was desperate for a sub, so I reluctantly agreed to do it. I hardly slept, waking constantly and counting backwards from 100 to get back to sleep (how dull is that??). I had to wake at 5:15 am to be there at 6:50 am. But it turned out to be just fine, it was HS and the kids were pretty mature and respectful, the adults were nice and friendly, and it was not stressful. But the best thing was that my mind was distracted for the entire day and I didn't have time to ruminate, which is my downfall. Even with little sleep, I still felt energized and motivated when I got home.

 

The day was a gift for me and I am so thankful for that window of feeling good. Now I knew that it was likely just for the day, and I know that if I tried to do that everyday, I would become exhausted quickly and it would not continue to be a good thing. I did wake very tired today and haven't been terribly motivated, but that is okay. I know I am healing and I know that even small doses of getting out more and doing something new are energizing. And I have noticed that I am doing more and more very gradually, even though it is harder for me to see because I am with myself all day everyday!

 

Just prior to this little window, I had become very, very irritable (and emotional) for a few days and I think I know why. I was trying to keep my son (and usually a friend) entertained during Spring Break last week. Not only is it stressful for me to be around my 11 year old son all day for days on end (because he is pretty hyper and high maintenance), but I was also getting a lot more exercise than I had been. So I was overstimulated and it was making me really, really cranky. The first day back to school, I literally did next to nothing to recover. The second day was the day I substituted.

 

There seems to be a fine line between too little and too much exertion and stimulation while recovering in WD. I guess we each have to determine for ourselves where that line lies. For me personally, this is challenging because I used to use over exertion as a stress relieving and energizing strategy. I can't do that right now, so I have to find other ways. And one of those is social interaction, in whatever context. When I worked full-time, I had more social interaction than I ever wanted! But now, I have to be more proactive and that can be challenging, but I know its important.

 

I am happy to be able to post something positive (for a change) and I hope it will be encouraging to those of you struggling and waiting for a good hour or day. Hang in there and keep trying different things until you find something that works for you. We are healing very, very slowly so be patient. Cheers and God bless.  :)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment

 

 

 

 

 

 

The day was a gift for me and I am so thankful for that window of feeling good. Now I knew that it was likely just for the day, and I know that if I tried to do that everyday, I would become exhausted quickly and it would not continue to be a good thing. I did wake very tired today and haven't been terribly motivated, but that is okay. I know I am healing and I know that even small doses of getting out more and doing something new are energizing. And I have noticed that I am doing more and more very gradually, even though it is harder for me to see because I am with myself all day everyday!

 

Just prior to this little window, I had become very, very irritable (and emotional) for a few days and I think I know why. I was trying to keep my son (and usually a friend) entertained during Spring Break last week. Not only is it stressful for me to be around my 11 year old son all day for days on end (because he is pretty hyper and high maintenance), but I was also getting a lot more exercise than I had been. So I was overstimulated and it was making me really, really cranky. The first day back to school, I literally did next to nothing to recover. The second day was the day I substituted.

 

There seems to be a fine line between too little and too much exertion and stimulation while recovering in WD. I guess we each have to determine for ourselves where that line lies. For me personally, this is challenging because I used to use over exertion as a stress relieving and energizing strategy. I can't do that right now, so I have to find other ways.

Hi Prestorb!

 

Have just read your post and must thank you as you have just helped me put a finger on what I think has been happening to me the last week or so.

 

I am so pleased that you managed a good day and are feeling better. You also seem to know your limits though and when to rest etc.

 

I had been feeling much better lately but think I have overdone it physically. Like you I have always turned to exercise to burn off any stress and give myself a lift. I have been hitting the exercise too hard these couple of weeks and like you say have ended up over stimulated and unable to relax at all.Some of the withdrawal symptoms have crept back in too. I was racking my brains trying to think what was making me feel so bad and there it was all the time. Like you say there is a fine line between under and over stimulation.  I will have to take more care in future!

 

Hope that you get some more good days.

 

Flowers xxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

Link to comment

Hi Flowers! Thanks for stopping by my thread, I am so glad you found something helpful to you. It's great that you are starting to feel better. Best wishes to you in your recovery!

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment

Hi Prestorb :) 

Hi Flowers :)

 

I know exactly what you both mean about exertion/exercise as a means of stress relief and how it can really take its toll on us during withdrawal. I really enjoy cardio (mainly running and going on long, challenging hikes) and weight training for stress relief/maintaining mental wellbeing and I've noticed a subtle difference in how it makes me feel the day after (or even a few hours later). I definitely feel more tired than I would've done before embarking upon withdrawal. I think it's because our nervous systems are sensitised/destabilised by withdrawal and our bodies are working hard to heal. Physical stress from exercise, overstimulation in social situations, etc, add to the burden, I guess.

 

Prestorb, I'm delighted to hear about your substitute teaching role! It sounds like it fits perfectly around your current circumstances and you're settling in well. I'm really pleased for you :D

1st Sep '14 - reduced to 18mg from 20mg; 15th Sep - 17mg; 29th Sep -16mg; 21st Oct - 15mg; 10th Nov - 13.5mg; 1st Dec - 13mg;

11th Dec - 12.5mg; 5th Jan '15 - 12mg; 20th Jan - 11.5mg; 11th Feb  - 11mg; 26th Feb - 10.5mg; 5th Mar - 10mg; 1st Apr - 9mg; 29th Apr - 8.5mg; 29th May - 8mg; 18th Jun - 7.7mg; 9th July - 7.4mg; 11th Aug - 6.8mg; 2nd Sep - 6.5mg; 12th Sep - 6.3mg; 26th Sep - 6mg; 10th Oct - 5.7mg; 30th Oct - 5.3mg; 28th Nov - 4.8mg; 20th Dec - 4.4mg. 

Medication History:

January 1997: 20mg Paroxetine (Seroxat) daily for depression with anxiety. CT withdrawal attempted 1997 and 1999. Dividing pills withdrawal attempted 2002. Liquid/pill 13 month tapered withdrawal 2007/8. Started to become very ill days after CTing at 2mg. Prescribed other antidepressants (CitalopramMirtazipine) but neither were as effective and had more side effects, so Paroxetine 20mg reinstated June 2008.

Link to comment

Today has not been a good day. I have been pretty emotional, crying several times over the last 24 hours or so, and just generally more melancholy than normal (which is noteworthy because the current normal is melancholy! ). I think it's some added stress between dealing with some issues with my son at school, and trying to organize a school related activity for tomorrow. It's a school grounds clean up, it's really NOT a big deal, just something I committed to doing because I normally enjoy that type of outside work.

 

Oh, and my throat is sore and my head hurts, so it's either allergies (which I am leery of taking any meds for) or I have a cold. So, I am a total grump today and feeling very sorry for myself. And I usually LOVE this time of year, but am finding little joy in it this year. Just yesterday, I was communicating to someone that I felt like I had "stabilized" at my current dosage, apparently not! As soon as I say that, all the sh** hits the fan! Ugh...sorry to rant and be so negative. I usually reserve that for my own personal journal, guess I needed a double dose today. But it was time for an update, and it is what it is. It will pass, it's temporary, THANK GOD!!! I hope your day has been better than mine!

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I do hope the day goes well for you Prestorb.     Pace yourself , you are still a delicate little flower and need to be gentle.

 

Fresh

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

Link to comment

Sending you good wishes Prestorb. Sometimes it's hard to get motivated to do anything when we feel so rubbish anyway! Isn't it strange how each day things can be so different.

 

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

 

Flowers x

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Prestorb,

 

sounds like you have had some good days and some tough days! I commend you for getting out there and subbing- I know one of your goals is to be more active so make sure you pat yourself on the back! In terms of the crying- I had it pretty bad for a couple of months- it would come all of the sudden for maybe and hour or two and then I would get super down and tired. Eventually it got better- now I have a pretty normal cry response. My advice is to just let it out if you can and then breathe to stay grounded. Tears can be a great release!

 

 

I really hope you get some relief from the allergies so you can enjoy the season. sending you prayers that you will continue to get up and about and get a hang on these allergies.

Diagnosed bi-pollar II in 2003 at age 15.

Lithium, lexapro and seroquel for the next 8 years, with occasional klonopin.

Quit seroquel cold turkey in 2011.

1st unsuccessful attempt to stop ALL meds cold turkey- 2012

Switched to lithium, citalopram and adderall (only on adderall for a few weeks).

Cold turkey off EVERYTHING Feb 2014.

 

Previous symptoms; crying spells, suicidal depression and hopelessness (3 months). Frequent urination and chocolate, allergy medicine and food sensitivities (3 months). Body pain radiating through my spine, legs, arms and butt followed by muscle stiffness, weakness and tingling/loss of feeling (7 months). Brain zaps, head aches and intense depersonalization. Fight or flight upon waking and difficulty sleeping (2 months). Difficulty regulating body temperature-incredibly cold hands and feet (8 months). Diarrhea and difficulty eating (lost over 30 pounds). Acute and itchy acne? on my forehead, cheeks and chest (7 months). 

 

Current symptoms: anxiety, obsessive compulsions, feeling stuck/unable to act/shocked, pain along my spine, hair loss, easily stressed and overwhelmed, difficulty with social situations, generally moody. 

Link to comment

Thank you Flowers, Fresh, and Indigo for stopping by my thread and for your support and encouragement!

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment

Update

 

If you look at my signature, you will see I had a false start with tapering my 10 mg of Paxil this past week. I had been at this dosage for about 8 weeks (after a quick taper from 40 mg). My primary WD symptoms being low mood, lethargy, lack of motivation, apathy - just blah in general. It wasn't really changing, and I think my hope was that a dosage reduction might give me a boost. Wrong! I only saw a worsening of my symptoms, in addition to poor sleep. So by the fourth day, I made the decision to reinstate as I just felt that my system wasn't ready for a cut (and I am already feeling better). This probably was not helped by the fact that I was cutting the pill and hadn't yet ordered my scale for accurate measurements. I have since done so, next time I will be better prepared! Silly me, being impetuous.

 

Like everyone here, I just desperately want to feel better - and if that could happen immediately, then I could just get on with life and do all the things I need and want to do. Well, obviously, it's just not that simple. That kind of thinking is what got me into this mess to begin with. My introduction to ADs was at my own request for Lexapro in a last ditch effort to fix a bad first marriage, not because I felt I needed it emotionally, except in the sense that maybe it would help my first husband and I to like it each other better. Divorce still ensued, not long after my start on ADs, and in the tangle of life that followed, I never could seem to get off the damn things. Ten years later, and at least five of which I have spent dipping in and out of tolerance withdrawal (although I didn't know it until recently), and here I am.

 

Rambling a bit there, sorry! Anyway, I did realize within the last week that I may very well NOT be getting all the vitamins, minerals, etc. that my body needs because I no longer seem to tolerate all the supplements that I used to be able to take (not to mention that I am getting older, lol). I have tried and they seem to make me very irritable, so I have only been able to take vitamin D and chelated Mg. In the meantime, my lack of motivation extends to everything including buying, preparing, and eating healthy foods. But I did some online research about "eating your vitamins" and found a lot of good info and also have managed to motivate myself (for the moment) to try to eat more nutrient dense foods. Surely, this in addition to forcing myself to exercise more should boost my energy levels! Seems obvious enough, right? And yet, in the throes of this condition we call WD, even the most common sense efforts seem to take an enormous amount of self discipline and strength of will. Because many days, in my mind, sitting on the couch staring at my Ipad (as if it has all the answers), is all I really "feel" like doing. I am more fortunate than some, because I am physically capable of doing these things, it's only my own mind holding me back.

 

Outside of WD (tolerance included), I have always been an energetic and self-motivated person. This didn't necessarily means I always had my priorities straight, but I wasn't a couch potato. So motivating myself to do the things that my brain logically knows that I need to do when I feel like doing nothing requires a measure of self discipline that I will have to develop, because it is apparently quite undeveloped! Maybe that is my personal reason for experiencing this, I do believe events unfold the way they do in our lives for a reason. So as I move forward, I am intent on making a greater effort to do the things for myself (eating nutritiously, exercising, socializing) that should help me to "feel" better. Keeping in mind, that doing enough and doing too much is like walking a tightrope in WD, and it is different for each one of us. Over stimulation just exacerbates the WD symptoms, so it's challenging. And in my case (like most of you), if things like cleaning, laundry, etc. are not really kept up to my normal standards, then so be it. I guess this is called "self care", right, and apparently a LOT more is required in WD than I realized.

 

I wish each one of you hope that you will get through this, and that you will be stronger and more compassionate for the experience. Peace  :)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment

Good insightful post! Think you have much wisdom..

 

You know the option of going down 2% or 5% is always there too..

 

Good luck xx

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

Link to comment

Update

 

If you look at my signature, you will see I had a false start with tapering my 10 mg of Paxil this past week. I had been at this dosage for about 8 weeks (after a quick taper from 40 mg). My primary WD symptoms being low mood, lethargy, lack of motivation, apathy - just blah in general. It wasn't really changing, and I think my hope was that a dosage reduction might give me a boost. Wrong! I only saw a worsening of my symptoms, in addition to poor sleep. So by the fourth day, I made the decision to reinstate as I just felt that my system wasn't ready for a cut (and I am already feeling better). This probably was not helped by the fact that I was cutting the pill and hadn't yet ordered my scale for accurate measurements. I have since done so, next time I will be better prepared! Silly me, being impetuous.

 

Like everyone here, I just desperately want to feel better - and if that could happen immediately, then I could just get on with life and do all the things I need and want to do. Well, obviously, it's just not that simple. That kind of thinking is what got me into this mess to begin with. My introduction to ADs was at my own request for Lexapro in a last ditch effort to fix a bad first marriage, not because I felt I needed it emotionally, except in the sense that maybe it would help my first husband and I to like it each other better. Divorce still ensued, not long after my start on ADs, and in the tangle of life that followed, I never could seem to get off the damn things. Ten years later, and at least five of which I have spent dipping in and out of tolerance withdrawal (although I didn't know it until recently), and here I am.

 

Ramblingortunate than som a bit there, sorry! Anyway, I did realize within the last week that I may very well NOT be getting all the vitamins, minerals, etc. that my body needs because I no longer seem to tolerate all the supplements that I used to be able to take (not to mention that I am getting older, lol). I have tried and they seem to make me very irritable, so I have only been able to take vitamin D and chelated Mg. In the meantime, my lack of motivation extends to everything including buying, preparing, and eating healthy foods. But I did some online research about "eating your vitamins" and found a lot of good info and also have managed to motivate myself (for the moment) to try to eat more nutrient dense foods. Surely, this in addition to forcing myself to exercise more should boost my energy levels! Seems obvious enough, right? And yet, in the throes of this condition we call WD, even the most common sense efforts seem to take an enormous amount of self discipline and strength of will. Because many days, in my mind, sitting on the couch staring at my Ipad (as if it has all the answers), is all I really "feel" like doing. I am more fe, because I am physically capable of doing these things, it's only my own mind holding me back.

 

. This didnOutside of WD (tolerance included), I have always been an energetic and self-motivated person't necessarily means I always had my priorities straight, but I wasn't a couch potato. So motivating myself to do the things that my brain logically knows that I need to do when I feel like doing nothing requires a measure of self discipline that I will have to develop, because it is apparently quite undeveloped! Maybe that is my personal reason for experiencing this, I do believe events unfold the way they do in our lives for a reason. So as I move forward, I am intent on making a greater effort to do the things for myself (eating nutritiously, exercising, socializing) that should help me to "feel" better. Keeping in mind, that doing enough and doing too much is like walking a tightrope in WD, and it is different for each one of us. Over stimulation just exacerbates the WD symptoms, so it's challenging. And in my case (like most of you), if things like cleaning, laundry, etc. are not really kept up to my normal standards, then so be it. I guess this is called "self care", right, and apparently a LOT more is required in WD than I realized.

 

I wish each one of you hope that you will get through this, and that you will be stronger and more compassionate for the experience. Peace  :)

Edited by AliG

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment

  Sorry Pre, for how you're feeling . I have a lot of the same, and I can't edit properly.  LOL.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment

Hey Prestorb :)

 

What a wonderful, philosophical post!

 

I'm sorry to hear you struggled so much with the dose cut from 10 to 9mg and had to go back up. If it helps at all, I've been struggling in a similar sort or way recently (lethargy, lack of motivation, feeling irritable) so I've only cut .5mg this time and plan to hold for 4 wks before I make another micro cut. I'm also having a hard time with the self care thing. The healthy diet and supplements part is all in order for me at the moment, but the exercise side of things is suffering a bit. It's cold, windy and raining heavily where I am in the UK, so the thought of leaving the house to walk to the gym is one I'd rather not entertain.

 

Although you might sometimes question it, you've done extremely well to have come through a rapid taper from 40mg paxil, a switch to a different drug and a reinstatement of the original drug, all within the space of a few months. A work colleague of mine (who's always telling me not to be so hard on myself when something goes wrong or if I'm pushing myself too hard) has a little mantra she oft repeats, which goes something along the lines of "you're doing the best you can do, for you, right now". I think it ties in nicely with the idea of withdrawal being a very narrow tightrope we have to walk. It's the perfect answer to the question of whether we're doing too much or too little during withdrawal. Who can tell? All we know is that we're doing the very best we can do under a set uniquely complicated and challenging circumstances.

 

I hope things improve for you. You've had a tough few months and you deserve a bit of relief.x

1st Sep '14 - reduced to 18mg from 20mg; 15th Sep - 17mg; 29th Sep -16mg; 21st Oct - 15mg; 10th Nov - 13.5mg; 1st Dec - 13mg;

11th Dec - 12.5mg; 5th Jan '15 - 12mg; 20th Jan - 11.5mg; 11th Feb  - 11mg; 26th Feb - 10.5mg; 5th Mar - 10mg; 1st Apr - 9mg; 29th Apr - 8.5mg; 29th May - 8mg; 18th Jun - 7.7mg; 9th July - 7.4mg; 11th Aug - 6.8mg; 2nd Sep - 6.5mg; 12th Sep - 6.3mg; 26th Sep - 6mg; 10th Oct - 5.7mg; 30th Oct - 5.3mg; 28th Nov - 4.8mg; 20th Dec - 4.4mg. 

Medication History:

January 1997: 20mg Paroxetine (Seroxat) daily for depression with anxiety. CT withdrawal attempted 1997 and 1999. Dividing pills withdrawal attempted 2002. Liquid/pill 13 month tapered withdrawal 2007/8. Started to become very ill days after CTing at 2mg. Prescribed other antidepressants (CitalopramMirtazipine) but neither were as effective and had more side effects, so Paroxetine 20mg reinstated June 2008.

Link to comment

Thinking of you Prestorb.

 

Hope things settle a bit for you soon.

 

Flowers xxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

Link to comment

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement, I truly appreciate it!  :)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment

A quick update, I think my mood is improving ever so slightly, nothing dramatic. I have been trying to walk almost every day and eat more nutritiously. Like others, I notice more improvement later in the day which is so strange for me as I have always tended to be more of a morning person! So I just go with it, and if the walk doesn't happen until later in the day, so be it. At least I'm doing it.

 

I've also tried taking only one of my son's gummy multi vitamins and I seem to be able to tolerate this much lower dosage. It just occurred to me when I bought them for him. The adult multis seem to be over stimulating and make me very irritable, but I want to be sure I am getting the vitamins I need.

 

Getting away from the house and socializing a little definitely improves my mood, even though it is difficult for me to initiate and since I don't work full time, it is very easy to isolate. I started attending a weekly Counseling Support Group (mostly talk therapy) to help with this tendency to isolate if I feel depressed, and I am trying to make more effort to connect.

 

I also got my Gemini 20 scale and out of curiosity, weighed the leftover portions of the pill from when I tried to make a cut a couple of weeks ago (without the scale to verify the percentage!). Sure enough, it was a 20% cut - it's impossible to gauge without a scale - I was trying for 10%. Anyway, that confirms that I need to minimize my cuts to 10% or maybe even less. But it will be a while before I try again, I want to feel much better than I do now.

 

I also got the book, Anatomy of an Epidemic, along with my scale. I've only read the Forward and Prologue so far, but it is excellent and a relatively easy read (Whittaker, the author, is a novelist). I highly recommend it if you haven't read it

 

Well, that was longer than I intended but I think that covers it. Hang in there fellow withdrawal warriors! You are not alone.

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

pre, hey.

 

it sounds like a lot of very positive news to me! :)

 

happy for you!

 

hang in there and keep up the great work!

 

dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

Link to comment

Such good news! So pleased for you.

 

xxxxxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

Link to comment

 It sounds like you're doing well. . Keep up the good work.  Sending positive thoughts your way.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment

Thank you, thank you, thank you! We really do have to celebrate even the slightest of improvements! :-)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I reckon things are going to go alot smoother with an accurate scale.   20% indeed , oh deary me  :blush:

:)

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

Link to comment

Yes indeed, Fresh! Silly me, trying it without a scale.

 

A quick update, I seem to be in a wave this week with complete lack of energy, motivation and interest in much of anything - I think this is neuro depression? And then the irritation and frustration with myself for being such a slug. I have to remind myself often that this is not "me" and that it is drug induced. Also, that this pattern of feeling even slightly improved is often followed by feeling really lousy, but overall I am healing. It is a lesson in patience and humility, no doubt, to keep putting one foot in front of the other and resist doing something stupid to "fix it now!". Interestingly, because I have had virtually no real physical symptoms, I have noticed a very slight dizziness at times this week and some twitching in my left eye.

 

What I feel would be helpful to me at this point is distraction from myself during the day when I am alone. I am very fortunate that my husband is a good provider, so I don't "have" to work outside of the home. What a great distraction work is, but also a source of stress. Maybe a low stress, part-time job would help? Substitute teaching is not really low stress, I can only gear myself up for that about once a week! And a FT job in my field would probably slow my recovery because it would be too stressful. It's a balancing act, but this week I have wanted to escape from myself and make this time pass more quickly, if that makes sense? Dwelling on this "condition" and waiting for it to pass is not helping my frame of mind. And apparently, I am lousy at entertaining myself! Sigh.

 

Hang in there fellow withdrawal warriors, one day at a time, this too shall pass.... :-)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment

So much for that "quick" update! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! At least I'm consistently long winded... ;-)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment

 Hi Pre,  It's good to hear from you.  "Neuro - depression".  I understand. I've had it bad.  Don't beat yourself up, for being without energy or motivation. It is drug induced, and will pass. You're right about it being a lesson in patience. I think we all have "PhD's", in it by now. We can all graduate, with "Honors" !!    

 

 I understand about distracting from yourself. I struggle with that also. Life seems to close in, as so many activities are not possible. I have found the computer, invaluable, in that sense.  "Neuro - google" syndrome !

 

 I hope you're feeling better  very soon. 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

I think it has been almost a full month since I posted an update, time is moving more quickly these days - which is good. On my last post, I said I need more distractions from this withdrawal process, and I seem to have found some. So overall, I believe I am improving very slowly, nothing drastic by any measure. I still have constant anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure) and that really sucks the joy out of life, but at least I am able to function and do what I need to do for the most part. If I tried to put a percentage on my functionality at this point, I would probably peg 50-60% maybe. So, pretty far from where I would like to be but when I first started posting in mid February of this year, I would have put it at about 30% I think. So overall, that is a big improvement and I am thankful for that and especially for the support and resources that I have found here at SA. If not for this site, I am sure that I would have continued on the AD drug merry-go-round trying in vain to find a med solution to the problems that the ADs actually caused.

 

I should note that I am still at my 10 mg dosage of Paxil and at this point, only take chelated Mg (125 mg) before bed to help with sleep. I was taking vitamin D, but felt that maybe it was affecting my sleep so stopped just recently. I haven't been able to tolerate other vitamins or supplements without negative side effects, mostly irritability. I am irritable enough without the vitamins or supplements, funny how only experiencing negative emotions can have that effect! I try to walk at least every other day and get plenty of rest, and just listen to my body in general as to what it needs. If I don't walk, I don't sleep well so I need that exercise. And I get especially tired and irritable about a week or so prior to my cycle, much more so than before this withdrawal process. So I am definitely noticing patterns with my cycle as to when I feel a little better and when I feel a little worse, the joys of being female AND withdrawing from ADs.

 

I think distraction is one of the keys to getting through this because it is such a LONG process. Dwelling on it constantly makes it worse for me, because there is nothing I can do to speed it up. Its going to take time, so I might as well try to find ways to keep myself focused elsewhere while time is passing. In my case, physical symptoms are minimal, so this is more doable but even so, I am still not highly motivated so its easy for me to get into a rut and just dwell on how crappy I feel and how much the whole process sucks and how long it takes. Unfortunately, that makes me feel even worse and it doesn't speed up the process. If I am at least accomplishing something (anything!), I can distract myself with the task and at least feel some small sense of accomplishment.

 

Hang in there fellow withdrawal warriors, be kind to yourself and patient with the process. Take care :-)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

prestorb, hey.

thanks again for taking the time to stop by my thread, it means a ton. i just got done reading your update here. to me, it sounds like you are making some wonderful gains - and good on you for knowing what your body can and can't handle with the supplements. i think most of us have always kind of considered supplementation to be innocuous. after all, many have taken vitamins since their youths. i myself was a "flintstones kid." i don't know if our international community members will have any idea what that is. thematically marketed children's vitamins from the late 70s, early 80s. :) i test pathetically for vitamin d levels. i live in the northeast u.s., so it is par for course. vitamin d takes a long time to leave the body - so in supplementation, it stacks up pretty fast. i tend to supplement with it once per week or every two weeks in the sunnier season and twice weekly in the winter. dose dependent of course.

anyway, i just wanted to stop in and give you my best wishes for continued healing. you're a trooper!

hang in there.

dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

Link to comment

Hi Dave, thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement! I appreciate the feedback on your experience with vitamin D, I didn't realize that it takes so long to leave the body. I wish you the best with whatever challenges you are facing right now, I know you are up to it! Hang in there and take good care of yourself. :-)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

I am definitely moving on with life and continuing to improve slowly (evidenced by the fact that I am not on SA nearly as much as I was for the first several months). I have yet to begin a taper from 10 mg but I am not in a big hurry. It's summer, schedules are variable, and we just got a new dog so I will most likely wait until school starts before I start my taper. I have accepted that I just can't handle too many things changing at once, so I try to be careful not to stress myself unnecessarily if at all possible.

 

I still have days or even several in a row when I feel depressed, irritable, exhausted, etc. to an extent that isn't really "normal". And I am by no means as motivated or productive as I was pre-ADs or pre-poop out on ADs, but I do feel that I am healing, very slowly. And I am more active, getting more exercise, and not isolating as much as I was. Summer helps with all this, and I also do private and group therapy to address my own personal issues that exists outside of AD usage.

 

If you are in a particularly bad place, please find hope in knowing that time is the great healer with coming off of these medications. If you can find ways to distract yourself while this time passes, it will make it so much more tolerable. Hyper focusing on the symptoms doesn't make them go away any faster, and I don't think it really makes you feel better (at least it didn't help me). But focusing on other things gives your brain some relief from thinking that WD will never go away, and you need that desperately to maintain hope. Try to be as kind and patient with yourself as you possibly can be, WD is not fun but you can and will feel better in time.

 

I always like to recommend Baylissa Frederick's book Recovery and Renewal because it helped me realize how much time is sometimes needed to recover, every person is different. She also has a Facebook page called Bloom in Wellness that is very encouraging. Best wishes to you in your journey to wellness! :-)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Thank you, Prestorb. Please let us know how you're doing.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

WD definitely has a way of making stressful life events pale in comparison - and I think my WD has been SO much easier than many others, but it is still the lengthiest depressive episode I have ever suffered and seemed it would never end. The windows that I am experiencing now feel SO good that I can't even describe and honestly couldn't have believed would come, even as recent as a month or so ago. But I do still have days that are rather "blah", I would not call them waves really, but they don't seem to be sticking around for days on end like before. I keep in mind that I am not necessarily out of the woods (for one, I'm still on 10 mg of Paxil) and that I may very well and probably will face some waves in the future as I taper down to zero. But for now, I am drinking in all the positive feelings that I didn't experience for so long! I hope I never, ever take them for granted again.

 

A vacation from my 12 year old and all my other responsibilities over the last couple of weeks have definitely helped boost my mood, but during acute WD I couldn't even enjoy that. I was in such a complete and total funk with very close to zero positive feelings. So if you are in a bad place, try to tell yourself daily that TIME is the great healer with WD and that eventually, you will begin to feel like yourself again and experience more normal good and bad emotions (instead of just bad). What's more is that you will have a whole new perspective on life. I have to say that CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) has helped me tremendously with managing my automatic negative thought processes. Negative thoughts feed depression and can induce a vicious cycle (especially in WD!) that doesn't end unless you can somehow break that cycle and CBT teaches you how to do that. So if you suffer from depression especially, read up on CBT - it's the natural way to combat depression and doesn't come with all the nasty side effects of ADs. It may seem like a simple concept but it's amazingly powerful.

 

Hang in there fellow Withdrawal Warriors! The light at the end of the tunnel may be faint, but it's there, so stay focused on it - WD really is temporary. :)  

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello Prestorb,

 

I like your message on looking for distractions and acceptance very much. I also think it's very important for all of us in WD so I put it in the Best of SA ;)

 

Wishing you the best of luck on your journey ;)

 

Bubble

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Thank you Bubble! It took me a while to figure out that I could be my own worst enemy by focusing and obsessing about my various WD symptoms, instead of just having faith that they would eventually disappear...in time, so might as well pass that time as pleasantly as possible. Seems so simple, but it's not when we are frustrated with where we are and ready to move on - especially when we HOW we feel is so unlike whatever is "normal" for us. The nervous system just takes its own sweet time getting back to normal, but it does get there and that is what we need to try to focus on.

 

Since my last post, I have continued to feel pretty darn good with my motivation and energy levels FINALLY back to what feels relatively normal for me. So picture me doing the happy dance :D because I felt SO lousy (depressed, lethargic, anhedonic, completely unmotivated) for what seemed like SO long (really just 6-8 months), I honestly wondered if I would ever feel like myself again. For those of you still in the trenches, hang in there! Your brain and bodies will heal! None of us knows how long it will take, but our amazing systems somehow recover from the poisons. Keep the faith, and do whatever you can to pass the time and keep your spirits up.

 

Mind you, I still take 10 mg of Paxil everyday but have every intention of tapering off of that - very, very slowly. The drop from 40 mg to 10 mg at the beginning of this year (after 3 months of already being depressed and lethargic on the 40 mg because Paxil is a very sedating AD) pulled the rug out from under me. But after I found this site and it confirmed everything I had begun to suspect, I was determined to get off of this crap so I just hung in there, kept to myself a lot and dragged myself around to do what I absolutely had to do. It wasn't very pretty, to say the least but I got through it and you will too. I can't imagine ever taking just feeling GOOD for granted again, and maybe that is the lesson in all of this. Life is precious, I complain a whole lot less than I used to!

 

So I seriously considered starting the 10% taper from 10 mg this week or next, but frankly, I am still relishing having energy and motivation and I don't feel emotionally ready to deal with WD from tapering just yet. The other thing is that this time of the year (through the holidays) has historically been an emotionally challenging time for me - which I think I have determined goes back to a trauma at this time of year from childhood. So I've decided to hold off until January and I feel very comfortable with that decision, I think it is the right one for me. This isn't a race, if I can mostly avoid severe WD symptoms then that is what I want to do, waiting a few more months to begin my taper is just a little drop in the bucket of time.

 

Hang in there fellow Withdrawal Warriors! This too shall pass, and you will once again walk among the living. God bless you in your journey.  :)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

Link to comment

You sound great!

 

Just want to say though, that CBT can be at times impossible to use in withdrawal. The site toxic antidepressants remind us not to feel bad if we cannot implement the techniques..just thought I'd say as although it's helpful for some, for others not so and can even feel bad about themselves if they cannot get it to work in withdrawal..

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Well done, you!!! Keep up the great work, Pre - you are doing it! I like that you are looking at the full-picture of things as you heal. It will serve you well!

 

Hang in there,

 

Dave

1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy