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buxy2222

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buxy2222

Hi there just to introduce myself :unsure: , i was given seroxat after being told that i suffered anxiety, unfortunately this was not the case i was ill due to severe gyne problems that lead me to being badly anaemic :(.Following a major operation ect ect it became clear that i really should never of even started this drug as i had no problems with anxiety, depression or anything that it is prescribed for.

 

I tried to cold turkey back in 2002, big big mistake i ended up back on it as the withdrawal was too intense.2004 i started to taper, alternate days as advised by my GP, and took my last 20mg pill, after 5 years use, in September 2004. Since then my life has never been the same, even now 6 years later, i suffer debilitating symptoms daily, yes i have has better days during this time but have never had a full day without some symptom of withdrawal.

 

Ongoing problems that were not present prior to taking this drug are ;

anxiety

panic

depression

headaches

sinus problems

recurring infections

fatigue

heartbeat irregularities

depersonalisation

vision problems

cognitive impairment

allergies and sensitivities

 

The list is endless.....after 6 years of pure hell and loss of social life, work life, family life ect ect, that this drug has taken from me i really just want my life back now

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Altostrata

Welcome, buxy2222.

 

Hmmm, some of those symptoms are awfully (and I do mean awful) familiar.

 

Good to hear you have some glimmers when you feel better. This is so frustrating, isn't it?

 

Please keep us posted on your ups and downs in this topic. When, you feel better, it might help to note it here, it could be a comfort when you're in a trough.

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Healing

Cheers, Buxy! We never imagined it would take this long, did we? But we're gong to win through!

 

If you had to pick, is there one symptom that tortures you the most?

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compsports

Hi there just to introduce myself :unsure: , i was given seroxat after being told that i suffered anxiety, unfortunately this was not the case i was ill due to severe gyne problems that lead me to being badly anaemic :(.Following a major operation ect ect it became clear that i really should never of even started this drug as i had no problems with anxiety, depression or anything that it is prescribed for.

 

I tried to cold turkey back in 2002, big big mistake i ended up back on it as the withdrawal was too intense.2004 i started to taper, alternate days as advised by my GP, and took my last 20mg pill, after 5 years use, in September 2004. Since then my life has never been the same, even now 6 years later, i suffer debilitating symptoms daily, yes i have has better days during this time but have never had a full day without some symptom of withdrawal.

 

Ongoing problems that were not present prior to taking this drug are ;

anxiety

panic

depression

headaches

sinus problems

recurring infections

fatigue

heartbeat irregularities

depersonalisation

vision problems

cognitive impairment

allergies and sensitivities

 

The list is endless.....after 6 years of pure hell and loss of social life, work life, family life ect ect, that this drug has taken from me i really just want my life back now

 

Hi Buxy,

 

Welcome.

 

I am so sorry to hear of your difficulties. I can't imagine experiencing what you go through and hope it eventually improves.

 

Compsports

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Neuroplastic

Hey, Buxy! It's a long and arduous road, but always remember that you're going in the *right* direction.

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Lor95

Hi Buxy!!!!

Buxy, tell me, are you still AD free? Benzo free?

I have so much admiration for you PP old-timers - pioneers, you are.

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angie007

Hey Buxy my good friend,

 

Welcome good to have you here, hope your ok hun xx

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buxy2222

Cheers, Buxy! We never imagined it would take this long, did we? But we're gong to win through!

 

If you had to pick, is there one symptom that tortures you the most?

 

 

No i never imagined either :(, wow where do i start....one symptom.....ok there are 3 that i absolutely feel tortured by and they have to be ; Akathesia, burning sensations and the mental symptoms ie brain panic, despair feelings,feelings of mania and feeling like i really am mentally ill :(.

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buxy2222

Hey, Buxy! It's a long and arduous road, but always remember that you're going in the *right* direction.

 

 

I sure hope so :P

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buxy2222

Hi Buxy!!!!

Buxy, tell me, are you still AD free? Benzo free?

I have so much admiration for you PP old-timers - pioneers, you are.

 

 

Yes med free since 13th September 2004 :)

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Claudius

I am really sad about your story Buxy. You are even 3 years ahead of me, about 6.5 years off and still so many problems. It is my worst fear that damage is really permanent, but I have still not crossed the "David Healy" 4 years border and am apparently in better shape than you though I am still unable to work due to remaining symptoms caused by CNS destabilization.

I am the last one to advocate meds but have you ever thought of starting some less dangerous, non SSRI med? I know all of us, including me, are very anti those meds and very scary of their addictive and long-term effects. But I have thought by myself some time earlier that at one point I have to choose to staying off and feel crap for the rest of my life, or feel better with some med. Of course we did not need those meds in the first place, but what if we are so damaged by the meds that we will never feel normal again without some med?

I still tend to believe that we all heal, but your story makes me nervous and anxious. And just like anybody else I want to postpone the irreversible decision to get back at someting as long as possible.

Wish you all the best and hope that healing finally comes!

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buxy2222

I am really sad about your story Buxy. You are even 3 years ahead of me, about 6.5 years off and still so many problems. It is my worst fear that damage is really permanent, but I have still not crossed the "David Healy" 4 years border and am apparently in better shape than you though I am still unable to work due to remaining symptoms caused by CNS destabilization.

I am the last one to advocate meds but have you ever thought of starting some less dangerous, non SSRI med? I know all of us, including me, are very anti those meds and very scary of their addictive and long-term effects. But I have thought by myself some time earlier that at one point I have to choose to staying off and feel crap for the rest of my life, or feel better with some med. Of course we did not need those meds in the first place, but what if we are so damaged by the meds that we will never feel normal again without some med?

I still tend to believe that we all heal, but your story makes me nervous and anxious. And just like anybody else I want to postpone the irreversible decision to get back at someting as long as possible.

Wish you all the best and hope that healing finally comes!

 

Hi there, no I certainly do not believe that this is permanent,although yes for some it takes a heck of a long time to recover...im not kidding myself I really don`t think I will ever be what I once was... ie i do believe that I will always be more sensitive to stimulants ect.

 

Going back to drugs is not for me, i had such a bad reaction to my first ever meds which led me to Seroxat that no tyvm im not sure which is the less of the two evils, reactions or withdrawal but at least abstaining gives me a chance to recover and maybe get a quality of life back, going back could mean more damage to the very parts of my body that have been allowed to heal in the last 6 years. I could never do another withdrawal......ever.

 

I also tend to beleive that anything that is considered a permanent state is just that.....withdrawal is ups and downs, ok no fab feel great days but some are very tolerable and no 2 days are the same for me which kinda lets me know im not in a permanent state of damage.

 

Im no expert and some days i really can`t ever see feeling better but i have to take my chances and live on hope.

 

Thankyou for your well wishes :) and hope healing finally comes to us all :)

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Claudius

but at least abstaining gives me a chance to recover and maybe get a quality of life back, going back could mean more damage to the very parts of my body that have been allowed to heal in the last 6 years. I could never do another withdrawal......ever.

 

That is exacptly my point, and although I have felt enormous pressure from some family members and "doctors" to resume a med, I am still glad I dod jnot, and indeed, it is surely possible that the brittle recovery from 3,4,5 years will be undone in a few weeks or even days. And just like you I will never ever survivie a second years-long WD.

So hanging on is our only option. BEsides the pure WD oriented misery, in my case there is also a lot of emotionsl stuff that had accumulated in my body and the release of that is WD triggered.

Maybe, just MAYBE one day I will say that WD is in one sense been a blessing bwcause it finally forced me to deal with the past and break thoguh my emotional blocked patters. I a sens I feel more free and human now than before WD, it is just the remaining symptoms that still s*ck...

But ths can be different for anybody. I believe more and more that WD can also be a kind of awakening. But in our case, quitting Cold Turkey or even worse, alternating doses, has probably done our brain real physical/chemical damage which takes very long to heal...

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Druid

I agree implicitly on the "no more drugs for me" front. I really believe the best chance we have of healing is leaving our poor assaulted brains and bodies alone to heal. Doctors have suggested to me in the past that i "reinstate".. That makes it sound like not such a bad thing... like re-joining a club or forum that You have been a previous member of etc. What i interpret this as is.. and this is purely just my own opinion.. It's like i have stepped out in front of a car and got myself all mangled up because of this particular action.. and what the doctor is suggesting is that i step out in front of another car to see if it knocks me back into shape. No thanks doc!... It was because of drugs that i am like this.. why on earth would i take more of the same, the very thing that got me into this mess in the first place.

Our bodies and brains are truly incredible things with unfathomable complexity.. I just cant believe Psychiatrists and doctors arrogance in thinking that they can tamper with something so complex and so beyond their understanding with mind altering drugs like these.. It would make more sense for a monkey to try and fix my computer with a hammer than to let a doctor try and fix my brain with these drugs.. and i mean no disrespect to the subject matter... i really like monkeys...

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Altostrata

Good analogy -- being hit by a car!

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Punarbhava

I agree implicitly on the "no more drugs for me" front. I really believe the best chance we have of healing is leaving our poor assaulted brains and bodies alone to heal. Doctors have suggested to me in the past that i "reinstate".. That makes it sound like not such a bad thing... like re-joining a club or forum that You have been a previous member of etc. What i interpret this as is.. and this is purely just my own opinion.. It's like i have stepped out in front of a car and got myself all mangled up because of this particular action.. and what the doctor is suggesting is that i step out in front of another car to see if it knocks me back into shape. No thanks doc!... It was because of drugs that i am like this.. why on earth would i take more of the same, the very thing that got me into this mess in the first place.

Our bodies and brains are truly incredible things with unfathomable complexity.. I just cant believe Psychiatrists and doctors arrogance in thinking that they can tamper with something so complex and so beyond their understanding with mind altering drugs like these.. It would make more sense for a monkey to try and fix my computer with a hammer than to let a doctor try and fix my brain with these drugs.. and i really mean no disrespect to the subject matter... i really like monkeys...

 

 

Great post! I couldn't agree more!!! I'm with you on every single point!

 

 

 

 

Punar

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Claudius

It was because of drugs that i am like this.. why on earth would i take more of the same, the very thing that got me into this mess in the first place.

 

Ironically, when early in cold-turkey WD and when it becomes apparent that you belong to the group who cannot do this, the best thing you can do is going back and taper. An analogy that I once read on PP is : "get back to to the dog that bit you".

And when I could turn the clock back to end 2007, I would surely have gone back and taper the right way, because 2008 and 2009 were almost compeltely lost years for me, and 2010 only slightly better.

But now we are so far in WD, going back and taper is indeed no valid option anymore. And it is the repuslive feeling towrard these drugs that people go CT or want to get off as soon as possible. I read many Dutch fora and many people write that they are very sick after quitting but "Want the crap out of their bodies as soon as possible".

Very understandable but also the most deadly trap which I too felt into several times. And nearly paid for it with my life.

Of course the doctors are to blame for this, and even more, the criminal mafiosic industry behind this.

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Druid

I Agree Claudius.. I made the very same mistake through ignorance.. I had those very same feelings, i just wanted that toxic filth out of my body as quickly as possible and learned the hard way what a huge mistake this was.. I would always strongly recommend a VERY, very slow taper..

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Neuroplastic

So glad to read, folks, you all agree on this one thing. Why on earth should we go back to something that caused this all? :) In some, the healing process takes longer than on average. We truly believe that after having collected enough data on this forum, (and it's been growing at an amazing pace), we will be able to answer the question "why is WD so different between people".

 

To all of us here in that thread, and to Buxy, especially, *stay the course* and eventually we will all get there.

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Hopeful

Hi Buxy,

 

Good to see you!

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Healing

Maybe, just MAYBE one day I will say that WD is in one sense been a blessing bwcause it finally forced me to deal with the past and break thoguh my emotional blocked patters. I a sens I feel more free and human now than before WD, it is just the remaining symptoms that still s*ck...

I believe more and more that WD can also be a kind of awakening.

 

Oooh, I think you know me well enough by now, Claudius, to know that I will love this, and underscore it, and write it on a flag! :D

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Healing

It's like i have stepped out in front of a car and got myself all mangled up because of this particular action.. and what the doctor is suggesting is that i step out in front of another car to see if it knocks me back into shape. No thanks doc!...

 

This is definitely a keeper. :D

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Healing

Hi there, no I certainly do not believe that this is permanent,although yes for some it takes a heck of a long time to recover...

I also tend to beleive that anything that is considered a permanent state is just that.....withdrawal is ups and downs, ok no fab feel great days but some are very tolerable and no 2 days are the same for me which kinda lets me know im not in a permanent state of damage.

 

You have a great attitude, Buxy. Very sensible. It's so hard to keep the faith when it goes on so long, but I think you're absolutely right. :)

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buxy2222

I agree implicitly on the "no more drugs for me" front. I really believe the best chance we have of healing is leaving our poor assaulted brains and bodies alone to heal. Doctors have suggested to me in the past that i "reinstate".. That makes it sound like not such a bad thing... like re-joining a club or forum that You have been a previous member of etc. What i interpret this as is.. and this is purely just my own opinion.. It's like i have stepped out in front of a car and got myself all mangled up because of this particular action.. and what the doctor is suggesting is that i step out in front of another car to see if it knocks me back into shape. No thanks doc!... It was because of drugs that i am like this.. why on earth would i take more of the same, the very thing that got me into this mess in the first place.

Our bodies and brains are truly incredible things with unfathomable complexity.. I just cant believe Psychiatrists and doctors arrogance in thinking that they can tamper with something so complex and so beyond their understanding with mind altering drugs like these.. It would make more sense for a monkey to try and fix my computer with a hammer than to let a doctor try and fix my brain with these drugs.. and i mean no disrespect to the subject matter... i really like monkeys...

 

 

Love your comparisons Paul :) always have, you have this knack of explaining things using the strangest objects but get your point across sooooo bluddy well, love it :), even love the pie shop one too...:), but where did the bluddy monkey spring from? thats a new one, so u wouldnt let me try fix ur computer either then?? :P....gutted lol xxx

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buxy2222

 

It's like i have stepped out in front of a car and got myself all mangled up because of this particular action.. and what the doctor is suggesting is that i step out in front of another car to see if it knocks me back into shape. No thanks doc!...

 

This is definitely a keeper. :D

 

 

Lol Paul deffo has some great keepers :)

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buxy2222

Hi Buxy,

 

Good to see you!

 

Aw fanx.....good to see you too :)

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buxy2222

 

 

To all of us here in that thread, and to Buxy, especially, *stay the course* and eventually we will all get there.

 

 

Like it, staying the course sounds good to me, although some of it is soooooo bluddy steep and craggy :(, but i bluddy hope we all reach a better, more comfortable place in time too :)

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buxy2222

Good analogy -- being hit by a car!

 

 

 

:) only some of us wern`t hit by plain simple cars im sure mine was a double decker bus :( lol

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Druid

 

Good analogy -- being hit by a car!

 

 

 

:) only some of us wern`t hit by plain simple cars im sure mine was a double decker bus :( lol

 

And then IT REVERSED!!!...

 

Aww babe... You really have had it tough... You always amaze me with how well You deal with such adversity and for such a long time too. Can't tell You how much respect i have for You for that..

 

Sorry i missed You today. It was such a lovely day here I was out doing a coastal walk.. Paying for it now though.. but worth it..

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Druid

Hi Buxy,

 

Good to see you!

 

Hello Hopeful... Lovely to see You here... :)

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Hopeful

 

Hi Buxy,

 

Good to see you!

 

Hello Hopeful... Lovely to see You here... :)

 

 

Hi Druid...Great to see you here too!! :D

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buxy2222

 

 

Good analogy -- being hit by a car!

 

 

 

:) only some of us wern`t hit by plain simple cars im sure mine was a double decker bus :( lol

 

And then IT REVERSED!!!...

 

Aww babe... You really have had it tough... You always amaze me with how well You deal with such adversity and for such a long time too. Can't tell You how much respect i have for You for that..

 

Sorry i missed You today. It was such a lovely day here I was out doing a coastal walk.. Paying for it now though.. but worth it..

 

 

Reversed? mm then some :( , awww we both have had it tough hun you just play yours down and let me do all the whining :P lol, i wouldnt be here at all if it wern`t for you :)your my rock :), aww sorry your paying tonight but so pleased you had a lovely afternoon out with Sarah.....speak tmoz hun, night night xxx

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stan

Ongoing problems that were not present prior to taking this drug are ;

anxiety

panic

depression

headaches

sinus problems

recurring infections

fatigue

heartbeat irregularities

depersonalisation

vision problems

cognitive impairment

allergies and sensitivities

 

The list is endless.....

 

hi Buxy, when i read a book about anxiety or forum about panic , i can find many symptoms you have

anxiety

panic

depression

fatigue

heartbeat irregularities

depersonalisation

vision problems

cognitive impairment, and maybe allergies

 

it seems a too high level of anxiety(many hormones balance wrong) which the body have been unable to repair totally until yet

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buxy2222

 

Ongoing problems that were not present prior to taking this drug are ;

anxiety

panic

depression

headaches

sinus problems

recurring infections

fatigue

heartbeat irregularities

depersonalisation

vision problems

cognitive impairment

allergies and sensitivities

 

The list is endless.....

 

hi Buxy, when i read a book about anxiety or forum about panic , i can find many symptoms you have

anxiety

panic

depression

fatigue

heartbeat irregularities

depersonalisation

vision problems

cognitive impairment, and maybe allergies

 

it seems a too high level of anxiety(many hormones balance wrong) which the body have been unable to repair totally until yet

 

 

Im sorry Stan i still don`t know what u are trying to say, i just have anxiety now?

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Neuroplastic

I think what Stan is saying is that your body hasn't healed yet from SSRIs, and that's the reason behind your anxiety.

 

it seems a too high level of anxiety(many hormones balance wrong) which the body have been unable to repair totally until yet

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buxy2222

I think what Stan is saying is that your body hasn't healed yet from SSRIs, and that's the reason behind your anxiety.

 

it seems a too high level of anxiety(many hormones balance wrong) which the body have been unable to repair totally until yet

 

Okkk sorry text is very hard to interpret, thanks for helping out :), I totally agree Stan :)as i still have waves of akathesia its quite clear my cns is still soooo delicate :(

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