☼ AliG: Surviving

[Prestorb]

Hang in there AliG! You are well on your way, almost one year out. I truly believe you will see significant improvements this next year. Be kind to yourself, rest, and remind yourself constantly that this is a very slow process but you ARE healing, one day at a time and you will recover. Patience, acceptance, self compassion, repeat. ((((((((HUGS)))))))))

[calithebold]

Ali, hoping you have a more tolerable day today, thinking of you

[AliG]

Thanks so much to everyone, for the show of support. It means the world to me at the moment. Meimei, Peggy, Tilly, Martina, JanCarol, Pre, Cali, L&L, and Jen.  Also Alto and Dalsaan, Fresh and JustWTBF. Dave, Petunia, Wildflower, Purplestar, Frustrated,  Luv2 knit and Westcoast.   

 

It helps so much to have some understanding and compassion from those who have been through or are going through the same battle and truly get it. I really appreciate all the time and effort you have all put into helping me get through this. I'm truly blessed to have found this community where I feel understood.  When I joined I was feeling very alone and sad. Now I feel supported and encouraged by a beautiful group of people. I hope I can give as much to you all as you have given me.        

[LoveandLight]

just saying hello and thank you very much for posting on my thread! X

[ang]

 

Thanks Dalsaan, I will have a look at that site - free shipping sounds good!  

 

 Thanks too, JanCarol. Yes, today is 20 days off all drugs! I understand about fats and protein. I've been on a paleo type diet, but it wasn't helping and I seemedto gain weight and have to be very careful about cholesterol. I'm supposed to be on Statin drugs, but you know what I think about

that?  "Hell no!!!

 

I just thought I would give this a go to see if I feel any better. However, I'm having all the " healthy" fats - avocado, nuts. I do manage to get to the gym at random times.

 

I was told to go on statins, decided to give up effexor instead.   Got all my blood tests recently for past ten years.   No one told me about the stage 3a Kidney Disease, stuffed liver, and alll the other ailments, that have miraculously disappeared.....      Anyway, I think it is wise for you to avoid statins, even wiser for us the avoid ADs..  but we do what we have to to survive.   They are so horribly addictive, I didn't know....  think we all got conned.     And thanks Dalsaan for the link to the site with free shipping, I wanted a book on Amazon for $15, they wanted about $40 for shipping!!  aggghhh!

[AliG]

  The day I got the script for  "Crestor" I think, I came home and ripped it up, and into the bin. I think I had done enough research to know , like "psych Drugs", they were "Poison".  Sooo many "side effects", just like A/D's .  Toxic drugs to make $$$$$ for "Big Pharma".  Started researching-  Guess what, Cholesterol is "great".  Good for the brain, and  great for "Longevity".  " Aha" moment.!!   Thank God, I didn't fall into that "Rabbit Hole" as well.    It's soooo disgusting what these drug companies do.   So many people have been crippled by Statin drugs, as well.   It's truly scary!!      Thanks Ang.  

[Tilly]

Hi Ali,

 

Just stopping by to see how you are doing. You sound a little brighter, which is positive. I hope that you get a window soon to give you some breathing space.

 

Take good care of yourself.

 

Tilly x

[direstraits]

I agree about the statins-more poison- I started getting the leg pains & that was the end of that!

[JanCarol]

Hey Ali, how you going?  Have you taken any gentle walks?  What about finding a YouTube Yoga video and rolling around on the floor?  Gentle stuff will do you good.

 

I missed some yoga this week, so I've been doing a cheesy video from the 80's "David Carradine Tai Chi Workout" - it's gentle, but it's still movement (better than sitting in the computer chair all day).  I only do 10 minutes at a time.

 

You wrote:

 

Thanks Meimei,  Is that why some of us put on weight, no matter how we "diet"?  The  blood sugar.  Why do Psych drugs do that?

   Why do they raise Cortisol , so much?  What can we do to counteract that?    So many questions, so little time !!    Hope you don't mind

   the inquisition - just curious.  

There are some theories about mitochondrial destruction by the drugs. 

 

There are also some trauma theories about "extra padding," for protection from trauma.  They will leave you alone if you are "fat and ugly."  You will be safe if you are "fat and ugly."  I'm not saying this applies to you, though it does apply to me.  Just something to think about.  If you still need protection, the padding will be harder to lose.

 

And you wrote:

 I'm so sad tonight about what this has done to me and everyone here.   I've probably been reading too much.  Totally neuro .  Can't sleep - it's 2.45am here, and I know tomorrow will be another non- productive day.  Trying to be patient. In the meantime - life is slipping away ! 

 

It's so hard to be patient with ourselves.  We would be patient with a little animal, or a child, why is it so hard to be patient with ourselves?  I see crying as good, it releases endorphins that help you heal.  Imagine yourself as a tiny baby wild possum, in fight or flight all the time.  If you were caring for that possum, you would be so patient, you would move slowly and carefully, not to startle it.  You wouldn't make demands on it, like asking it to do tricks, you would wait until it felt safe again. 

 

Can you do the same for yourself?  You are Australian wildlife, rescued from pharma, I can see your wide wild eyes - you would never want to hurt anyone, but if you get startled, you might bite to protect yourself.  Be as gentle with yourself as you would a baby possum.

 

and:

 

The day I got the script for  "Crestor" I think, I came home and ripped it up, and into the bin. I think I had done enough research to know , like "psych Drugs", they were "Poison".  Sooo many "side effects", just like A/D's .  Toxic drugs to make $$$$$ for "Big Pharma".  Started researching-  Guess what, Cholesterol is "great".  Good for the brain, and  great for "Longevity".  " Aha" moment.!!   Thank God, I didn't fall into that "Rabbit Hole" as well.    It's soooo disgusting what these drug companies do.   So many people have been crippled by Statin drugs, as well.   It's truly scary!!      Thanks Ang.

Statins were at the beginning of my journey, when I realized that I had weak muscles, rapid heart beat, and a stooopid brain.  Now I'm fighting hubby about it, because the docs told him to do it - but - because he is on the statins it is impossible to exercise, and he has this gagging, choking cough that is hard to listen to.  I hope he will read the little book I got him, and make a better decision.  I think he'd be better off without the statins, and doing 30 minutes of hard exercise a day.  And cutting out sugar and carbs - but who am I to tell another person what to eat?

 

You do sound better than you did when you first got here - I know you've had some deep waves since then, and have been in a wave recently - but the windows will come again.  Please be gentle with yourself, don't overdo it when the windows come.  It will only make the next wave harder.

 

{{{Ali}}}

[calithebold]

Getting off of statins was one of the best things I did.

 

Still thinking of you

[JanCarol]

 

Also, in chatting with Cali, I remembered a great article on stress and weight gain:

http://chriskresser.com/10-ways-stress-makes-you-fat-and-diabetic

 

<3

[Purplestars22]

Just wanted to stop by your thread and say thank you for posting in my thread a couple of days ago been too sick to read threads. I wish you well and have a good day.

[AliG]

Thanks everyone.   J.C. That's adorable. I'm not sure where I am. I'm up and down and all over the place. It changes minute to minute.I'll check in and say more when I'm feeling up to it.

[Fresh]

It's windows and waves Ali.     The waves are thoughts and sensations , and they do always finish.

What sort of symptoms are you having this week?

[AliG]

Without words. Just trying to get through each moment.

[ten0275]

Ali, hey.

 

getting through each moment, particularly when that seemingly simple act requires 100% your effort, is victory. you are victorious in every moment you persevere. it's ok to be without words. right now, your fortitude in getting through speaks louder than any words you could utter.

 

you've tasted the windows and waves routine enough to know that the next window is on the horizon. it is. i hope it arrives for you soon. until such time.

 

hang in there.

 

dave

[AliG]

Thanks, Dave.

[luv2knit]

Ali, hope you're hanging in there! Thank you for stopping by my thread.

[calithebold]

I wish I could say something that would take all this away,Mobutu I can't. All I can say is I'm thinking of you and be gentle with yourself!

[LoveandLight]

((Ali))) xxx

[JanCarol]

Hey Ali, thinking of you, just checking in and reminding you of how scared that baby possum is!  <3

[AliG]

 Luv that possum.!!.  Thanks Guys.  I really feel I've got no strength, to say anything at the moment.  I just feel "washed out". I try to stay positive, but just feel  weak, tonight.   Struggling with insomnia, dizziness, fatigue, depression, and boredom from "lack of life".   At least from reading on here, I know I'm not alone.  I've been at this so long now, I don't know if this is a window  or a wave.   Everything's "topsy turvy".  After 20 yrs, I don't know.  I just feel "so" uncomfortable in my own skin.  I've been on such a concoction of drugs , for such a long time, that I don't know anymore, what's  normal. I know I don't feel right, but this has been going on a long time.   I have either been suffering, side effects from going on drugs or suffering "effects", from going off and being in "withdrawal".  This, I'm sure has been going on add infinitum.   So, I feel I have been In withdrawal, a long time.    Having said that,- now that I know what is "going on", I'm sure I will recover.    

[LoveandLight]

Pretty much feel the same xx

[direstraits]

 

I just feel so uncomfortable in my own skin

 

 

exactly

[Purplestars22]

Yes you will recover hang in there, I have all the hope for you.

[calithebold]

Hi Ali, Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I hope you feel somewhat better than last night. Be kind to yourself   

[AliG]

  Thanks guys for the support. I had a scary  experience driving the other day. I was coming up to a roundabout, and suddenly didn't know what to do. I slowed down to let the car on my right go around and then I wasn't sure if that's what you do, thinking I was holding up everyone behind me, so I kept going just before the other car , came around and "beeped" me, for doing the wrong thing.  It was awful, because I've done this a million times,  but quite suddenly, my mind went blank. It was "close" . I just avoided an accident.  I'm worried.  I just couldn't remember what to do .  Also some "spelling". I have always been an excellent speller. Now I have to write down certain words. Its just a blank.   Also words. Putting them together.   I was having a conversation, and there were two words I couldn't put together, like I was getting them all back to front.    I hope this is just temporary "withdrawal", and not anything worse.  Feedback on this , would be good, as I'm getting worried.       

[calithebold]

Not just you Ali, I don't drive but I do the memory, or should I say lack thereof, all the time. I thought it was me, so glad it's not :-)

[AliG]

  Cali, I hope it's a temporary "glitch".  I'm going to say that I think it is just "one more withdrawal symptom".    Hope you're going well. 

[peggy]

Hi Ali, i would think it is anxiety related - which of course is a withdrawal symptom xx

[Fresh]

How are you doing Ali?    Hope you've been taking it easy.

 

xxx

[AliG]

  Hi Fresh, thanks for checking in.  I'm stable today, as I've had 2 good sleeps, which seems to make so much difference for me.  I had a horrible experience 3 nights ago, where  I had , what I know now as "paresthesia".  I haven't had this before , in this way. I've had the occasional " restless legs", but this was  soooo severe -  it was unbearable.  I thought it was the beginning of "akathesia", but I haven't had it since. I had taken some " phenergan" for sleep.  Not a good idea!  Luckily, I haven't had it since.  I'm hoping it was just a reaction to the drug .  I suppose I just got so desperate for some sleep , I thought it would be harmless.  Insomnia, is a dream compared to that "hell".  Lesson learned, well and truly.  Apart from that, and dizziness, extreme fatigue , no enjoyment of anything  and the feeling my life is falling apart,  things are on track. 

 

To end on a more positive note,  I don't expect much more, at this stage. I understand that I'm going to have to go through some pain, and I'm accepting of that, as much as I can be.  I get angry, but I try to re-direct that into some positive healing.   I hope for healing for everyone reading this, as well.   "This too shall pass."

[LoveandLight]

((Alig)) your doing great cxx

[AliG]

  Thanks Love.  So are you. 

[luv2knit]

Ali, please be careful with the Phenergan. It is in the same class as Compazine, which is well known to cause akathisia. This would make me afraid that the Phenergan might cause it as well. I am allergic to Compazine, having had a very scary reaction to it years ago, so this is one I don't have to worry about!!!

[AliG]

  Thanks Luv, I didn't know that.  This was scary, though.  We have to be so careful, of everything.  It was "horrific".  I thought I knew to steer clear of "any" drugs, but "No".  Fell into the same hole.    When will we learn.