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☼ AliG: Surviving


AliG

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Thanks all. I appreciate the support and encouragement.

 

Free.Thank you. I believe there is a lot of repairs and construction going on behind the scenes. I choose to think that the "waviest times" are when the most crucial healing work is happening.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/10914-what-is-happening-in-your-brain/

 

I have always thought of it that way and it has helped to carry me through this even during the down times. I feel like I'm gradually starting to emerge from this withdrawal bubble but it takes extraordinary patience and there is no finite point where one hands you a medal and says "you have now graduated" and healed fully.

 

Unfortunately, I have past trauma so it becomes difficult to ascertain what is purely drug related.

 

I am over most of the physical  symptoms but still coping with the emotional. Is it still a result of the drugs or is it now just trauma from the past? What is normal or at least my new normal now?

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Interesting question Ali, what IS normal?  We are all unique and I don't think anyone is 'normal'  but everyone is judged against some idea of what is normal. Someone once told me that normal is what is right for you. We are expected to squeeze ourselves into a mould that is wrong, like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Withdrawal has so many symptoms they couldn't possibly all be listed, and all those are 'normal' for withdrawal. When withdrawal is over where do we put the symptoms that remain? Like you say, past traumas will still leave some symptoms that are not down to the drugs but the legacy of trauma. 

 

I am learning to live with my traumas, or should I say I am not living with them because I don't let them define me now. My brain still reacts though and might always do that. My doctor said I have no control over those reactions but they also say we have no control over depression because it is a disease of the brain which we know is not true. Sorry I am rambling! 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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That's ok. Mama P.  Ramble anytime. I do it and it's my thread where I encourage a lot of major rambling. LOL. :)

 

I am not living with them because I don't let them define me now. ( MamaP Quote )

 

I'm working on that too and my brain reacts also . I'm trying to take my power back after so many years of handing it over to others  - family  doctors etc. It takes some skill and navigation but it can be done.

 

Past traumas leave major scars but I'm hoping they too heal in time.

 

I know they will and won't listen to doctors or psychologists at this point.  I know enough to know  - they don't know anything.  I will make my own way and find my own truth. 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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You've posed some interesting questions Ali. To me, they seem like ones that we need live with and allow the answers to unfold. Or that's the way it is in my process. 

 

I'm not saying mindfulness is an answer to everything, because it has it's caveats as much as anything else. But what I'm learning to practice more is building resources, so that when trauma does arise, there is something there to accompany me. The feelings can still be very intense, but they don't last and take over my life in the way that they used to. And there's that saying, "neurons that fire together, wire together." In this case meaning we can help the neurons to wire with something beneficial. Not sure if that makes sense or not, but I'm noticing real concrete changes as a result of some of the practices I'm doing. 

 

Maybe the trauma surfacing during WD is also part of the healing process? I've had more of it the past 2 years for sure. I don't know that it goes away, but maybe healing is building a different relationship to it. And in that process, it doesn't take over in the same ways. 

 

I like what you said  "there is no finite point where one hands you a medal and says " you have now graduated " and healed fully."  Perhaps it comes down to the difference between healing and curing. Healing can happen on so many levels, even if cure never occurs. Like people who are at the end of their lives can often experience a very deep healing (emotional/spiritual/psychological), but they go on to die. WD can function in a very similar way, taking one to the depths of healing. Maybe expecting cure is actually not the best way to look at it? Just rambling and musing on your thread--you said it was okay :) 

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Normal?  Personally I am thankful I am not.  Or I don't know if there is such a thing having never fully experienced it.  Trying to mold and shape myself to appear as such sure did not work.

 

I am.

 

I am :mellow::wub::ph34r::)  -_-:huh:  :excl: :excl:  :wacko::blink:   I am especially liking the googly eyes not normal today.

 

Yah, sorry I mentioned the therapist thing to you........and, I think it, trauma gets in our systems......possibly the Amy G Dala part?  And then it just gets re-activated sometimes.......not a conscious thing one can do about it........such as all the talk, talk, talk stuff.  I kind of think maybe we can de-activate it and maybe it's a movement thing when you recognize it coming on........if you can.......and moving in some way......dance, stretch, walk, yoga, etc. and focusing on some other part of the body from the place you might be able to isolate it to.......if you have a re-activated trauma spot located.  Mine is mostly upper back neck tightness.......sometimes stomach aches or nausea.

 

I agree and do the same when wavish........I consider it a sign/symptom of healing, regeneration and something to respect not fight.

 

Ski ing has been postponed to Sunday.  Today took some pictures and it was a lovely Spring burst kind of day.  We are really not there yet fully.......Spring.......getting there though........just like recovery/healing..........always getting there.  The end point.........like saying I am fully recovered............hmmmm..........probably never, in a good way at least for me.  More like a shift or a new way of seeing, doing, etc.?

 

Love, peace, healing and growth,

 

And manymoretodays.........

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Hi Ali. It's me, Jamie. I have been thinking of your question , what is normal? Ali I am not sure what normal is. We are each created so unique and with our own unique set of life experiences. These experiences , well they shape us, our unique personality and how we try our best to respond to each experience. Notice that when our experiences are positive and feel good and right, we never seem to question that response. Yet, in our pain, we question if our response to any given experience is 'normal'??? This is a bit of a mystery to me. Our pain is real!! Whatever it is, it seems to me that perhaps we must allow it. Oh how difficult it is to sit with pain. It is so excruciating and can seem to overwhelm us. Ali, I take my pain to my most trusted friend. One who can just hold me as I cry out. One so trusted, who bathes me in peace. Normal?? Ali, there is no normal. Society will define for us an imperfect definition of normal. The only thing I am certain of is that it is 'normal' to live within the human experience and that always involves pain of experiences at some point in our lives. Sometimes that pain is experienced when we are young and not fully developed. It can be so difficult for an adult to process pain, let alone a child, I believe that the little one within needs to be nurtured, loved, held and allowed to feel, even when it threatens to leave us undone. Holding and healing the little one Ali. Try to put aside the word 'normal'. It is such a loose word with a multitude of definitions and not one accurate. Too subjective. Thinking of you

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Hi, Ali.

 

The concepts of  "normal" especially when dealing with trauma . . . . I'm going to copy and paste what you wrote to Nicolantana because it speaks to something so much BETTER than normal. 

 

You are amazing, Ali. In your own words: 

 

 

I don't believe that we emerge from this process unscathed however we can often come out stronger in the end even if it's perhaps slightly different than before. I think we undergo a metamorphosis of sorts so that even though there is some change, ultimately it is often for the better in the long term. I think the skills and knowledge we tend to acquire during this experience can set us up to lead a healthier and more aware life in the future.

 

Obviously if we could avoid this pain we would but in terms of seeing some positive benefits from it , at least there are some in my view. I think we become much better than our pre- med self. Compassion and understanding seem to grow exponentially , not to mention other positive qualities that seem to come to the fore.

 

I like to see the positive in this. It helps me to get through it.

 

 

 

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Hey AliG

I am into the exact point in time as you my friend.

I tend to have good days and then bam i get hit with bad days. On the good days thoughts worry me but does not have the power to put me down, on bad days yes they do and they put me on hold. So i start worrying whether is this WD or it is the real me that is causing all these problems.

 

So i asked in one forum and you know the answer they gave me...? You just ignore that question. And you know ?? that is so right. Why do i need to know whether the person i am right now is the real me or the wd one... Important at this stage is that i am only taking 4Mg of Remeron and i am way better then when i was on 6Mg of Bromazepam and 15Mg of Remeron and this is a lot to be proud of... :-)

Take it this way my friend... You were on so many meds and now your on no pills or very low doses of suplements and you re functioning. So why care whether this is WD or your trauma... time will tell you the truth. RUmination at this stage with existential questions makes u no good.

 

Hugs Santino

2015 -  2016 Xanax only rescue doses of 0.125 mg 1-2 times per month
 March 2016 0.125Mg * 2 Xanax for 10 days.

20 March 2016 0.25 Mg * 2 Xanax for one week. 1 April 2016 Tranxene 5 mg and Fevarin but bad reaction for 5 days.4 April 2016 25 Mg Amitryptiline + 6 MG bromazepam at night

Started tapering Bromazepam 6 days later reached up to 3 MG in 10 days and withdrawal. Pdoc asked to go 6 MG again.

10 of May started Remeron 15 MG and started tapering Bromazepam again.

SINCE 09/06/2016 BENZO FREE - Started Tapering Remeron 04/07/2016

 

04/Jul/16 12.8 Mg, 11/Aug/16 12 Mg, 20/Aug/16 11Mg, 3/Sept/16 10Mg, 11/Sept/16 9 Mg, 30/Sept/16 8.1 Mg, 14/Oct/16 7.25 Mg, 17/Nov/16 6.7, 23/Nov/16 6.5, 2/Dec/16 6.25, 9/Dec/16 6Mg, 25/Dec/16 5.7Mg, 4/Jan/17 5.4Mg, 20/Jan/17 5.2Mg, 07/Feb/17 5 Mg, 15/Feb/17 4.8Mg, 27/Feb/17 4.5Mg, 15/Mar/17 4.2Mg, 23/Mar/17 4Mg, 1/Apr/17 3.7Mg, 14/Apr/17 3.4Mg, 27/Apr/17 3.1Mg, 06/May/17 2.8Mg, 22/May/17 2.6Mg, 31/May/17 2.3Mg 09/Jun/17 2Mg, 20/Jun/17 1.7Mg, 29/Jun/17 1.4Mg, 11/Jul/17 1.2Mg, 20/Jul/17 1Mg, 31/Jul/17 0.8Mg, 11/Aug/17 0.6Mg, 23/Aug/17 0.5Mg, 05/Sept/17 0.4Mg, 13/Sept/17 0.3Mg. 22/Sept/17 0.2Mg, 03/Oct/17 0.15Mg, 10/Oct/17 0.1Mg, 23/Oct/17 0.05Mg, 22/Nov/17 0.025Mg, 06/DECEMBER/2017 MIRT FREEE.

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Thanks guys.

 

For me healing has involved letting time pass unhindered with no expectations. It is what it is and you have to let that evolve and make peace with it .

 

This is what I was watching today :  I found it helpful

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjWWj4XQHEU

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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interesting discussion.

 

I've been thinking a lot about all the changes I've been thru in the past couple of years, esp the most recent 6 mos, and the changes are MASSIVE for me.
so much so, that I no longer resemble my former self (literally and figuratively, I'm a good 40lbs lighter, for one thing)

I have days when I miss the "old" me, but then, I was in such a fog back then, I don't really know what it is I'm missing.... I think it's more that I miss not being so acutely aware of the world outside, because now, sometimes, it's hard to block it out and get into my own little world. I was always in my own little world in the past; now, I have to find ways to reconnect with that feeling of being just myself, by myself. Hard to explain.....

 

I have days when I wish I could turn back the clock, but then I realize, I want the best of the past, but I want to pair it up with the good stuff that I've got now. I don't *really* want to go back to the way things used to be. I miss that (obviously) false sense of security, that I was somehow protected in the foggy blanket I was wrapped up in. I was always inside my own head... and nothing outside of my own  head seemed real or important. SO I guess I miss being the center of the universe, the way  I was in my own mind LOL

 

 

I wonder sometimes about symptoms, if they are ones connected to PTSD or to WD or are the symptoms I had pre- medicated days......but I don't dwell on it too much. Regardless of the source, we still need to find a way to deal with them, right?

 

anyway I have a feeling I didn't add much to this discussion but just wanted to pop in with my thoughts on the subject... or vaguely connected to the subject  :/

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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This new "awareness", like H2H said in her first paragraph...........is what is sometimes weird for me still.  It's such a busy, busy world out there........and I find I am almost even more sensitive to too many people at once........especially if they are not real positively focused somehow or being too scattered about.

 

Sometimes, it's just the too many people seemingly hurrying about though that gets me feeling a bit overwhelmed.  I'm so glad I CAN step back, and have friends to talk with it about, or can write it down.  I try not to dwell anymore and stay stuck......oh, it still happens........maybe it's not even stuck and it is okay sometimes.

 

I think you will know AliG........and that maybe the knowing is a bit different for all of us.  I mean I feel like I am "back".........some of the old me restored and some of the new me getting comfortable.  Life is ever changing.......

 

......anyway big AliG hugs again and all the rest of us too........

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

 

mmt

 

Edited by ChessieCat
changed member name

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Ali,

 

Hey......check out Bessel van der Kolk MD if you haven't run across any of his stuff yet........concrete guidelines for working with trauma.  There may be some of his stuff on Beyondmeds as well......  I am liking it, his stuff.......fairly simple things to try.........

 

Monday, monday........hope this finds you well enough....

 

manymoretodays

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth!!

 

a quote of his I liked...."know what you know and feel what you feel" (in the context of helping others learning to find language for and expression of their inner experience)

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Ali, 

 

They are interesting questions you're posing. I'm not sure there's an "endpoint" where WD is over--at least not for me. I don't mean that at all in a hopeless sense. But there hasn't been that kind of ending with other major events in my life either. Not with the losses, not with childhood trauma, not with the car accident. Things have shifted and changed with all of it, but I'm still aware of the influence all those experiences have. I'm slowly learning to accept that there are good parts that go with those reminders. The main thing is that it keeps me on the path and it also brings an incredible amount of gratitude. It's so easy to stay focused on what's wrong (that's what our brains are wired to do). But in all the difficulties, there have also been gifts. That's not to say I'd wish this experience on anyone else or that I'm overly thrilled that my life unfolded this way. But given that it has, I need to make the most of all of it. 

 

I know this would not be a suitable answer for a lot of people on here. One of the main reasons I haven't written a success story is that I'm aware that for most people, the ultimate goal is being symptom-free. When I read the success stories, everyone asks questions of the person--is this or that symptom gone? Are you completely healed? And by healed, most people mean cured. I'm not cured, but I've experienced a great deal of healing through this process. 

 

Jack Kornfield, in A Path with Heart, tells the story of a poisoned tree. On first discovering it, some people thought it should be cut down, because it was a danger to people and animals. Others, who hated the idea of cutting down trees, said, ‘No, but we should build a fence around it, to isolate it.’ But there came a wise man who took some of the fruit of the poisoned tree, investigated its properties and devised from it a medicine that cured a deadly disease. “Through respect and understanding, this person sees in a way opposite to most people and finds value in the most difficult circumstances.” 

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Free,

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  If only it were just a little bit easier to learn how to be grateful under the duress of this process.  You are, of course, correct in that the path to true freedom is to be able to accept and let go of our expectations based on the past (which, by definition, is what "healing" requires).  It is one of the ultimate struggles of withdrawal.

 

Thanks for the Kornfield parable.  Very enlightening.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Andy, 

 

Being able to be grateful or any other positive emotion under duress is the challenge of life, not just in WD. But without the challenge, most of us have little motivation to try. When things are going smoothly, we tend to space out or bob along, assuming that this is how it "should be" and will continue to be. It's most often when difficulty arises that we are called to do more. If people who are dying (and frequently have a whole host of unpleasant symptoms) can rise to that challenge and find love, compassion, gratitude, joy----then why are we somehow immune from that? 

 

I've found that so much comes down to intention and practice. I would never have specifically asked for the conditions that have lead to the level of awakening I've experienced, I do feel incredibly grateful for everything that came together to make this possible. I would not have asked for my wife to die or to go through what I've experienced in WD. Yet, without those things, I most likely would have stayed complacent on the drugs, living in the ways that I was. I made an an intention when my wife died to be deeply changed by what we'd gone through--otherwise, the whole thing would have been a waste. I've been slower to make that intention from WD, but it is happening. 

 

I try to bring gratitude in when thoughts about how "it shouldn't be this way" arise. I think about how much I miss my wife and try to remember a few things I feel grateful for. The consequence is that now when those initial thoughts come up, gratitude comes with them. The brain can be re-trained to work differently. This takes a real commitment and a lot of patience--it doesn't happen overnight. But given the nature of my childhood, I had a brain that was overly wired towards the negative. If my brain can change, then why not yours or anyone else's? 

 

“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
 
Ali--hope you're okay with this discussion on your thread. I'd welcome any thoughts you have. 

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you for stopping by my thread and giving support/advice!

 

Being med free is a huge victory in itself for me. Now i can focus on just healing. 

 

How are you feeling yourself these days?

 

Hugs!

<p>Sept 2015: 5 mg Cipralex for 3 weeks. Lots of side effects. Reduced to 2.5 mg for 2 weeks. Experiencing withdrawal and side effects still after dose reduction. Quit after almost 4 weeks on 2.5 mg because of adverse effects. Experiencing withdrawal symptoms still. Reinstating 1mg after 3 weeks. Reduced to 0.50 after 2 days due to sensitive reaction (dysautonomia) and trip to ER. January 2016: After 14 months of tapering from 0.5 mg im now down to 0.08mg. Planing on one more drop before 4-8 weeks healing, then jump to zero. 14.03.17: Lexapro free!

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Thank you  C. I appreciate that . I'm three steps forward , two back . It's a process.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey AliG

I see you are continuing your fight my friend. That's tough i know but you re staying the course like a hero... 

 

Here is a video to brighten up your day my friend... we re fighting hard but we will do it for sure... 

2015 -  2016 Xanax only rescue doses of 0.125 mg 1-2 times per month
 March 2016 0.125Mg * 2 Xanax for 10 days.

20 March 2016 0.25 Mg * 2 Xanax for one week. 1 April 2016 Tranxene 5 mg and Fevarin but bad reaction for 5 days.4 April 2016 25 Mg Amitryptiline + 6 MG bromazepam at night

Started tapering Bromazepam 6 days later reached up to 3 MG in 10 days and withdrawal. Pdoc asked to go 6 MG again.

10 of May started Remeron 15 MG and started tapering Bromazepam again.

SINCE 09/06/2016 BENZO FREE - Started Tapering Remeron 04/07/2016

 

04/Jul/16 12.8 Mg, 11/Aug/16 12 Mg, 20/Aug/16 11Mg, 3/Sept/16 10Mg, 11/Sept/16 9 Mg, 30/Sept/16 8.1 Mg, 14/Oct/16 7.25 Mg, 17/Nov/16 6.7, 23/Nov/16 6.5, 2/Dec/16 6.25, 9/Dec/16 6Mg, 25/Dec/16 5.7Mg, 4/Jan/17 5.4Mg, 20/Jan/17 5.2Mg, 07/Feb/17 5 Mg, 15/Feb/17 4.8Mg, 27/Feb/17 4.5Mg, 15/Mar/17 4.2Mg, 23/Mar/17 4Mg, 1/Apr/17 3.7Mg, 14/Apr/17 3.4Mg, 27/Apr/17 3.1Mg, 06/May/17 2.8Mg, 22/May/17 2.6Mg, 31/May/17 2.3Mg 09/Jun/17 2Mg, 20/Jun/17 1.7Mg, 29/Jun/17 1.4Mg, 11/Jul/17 1.2Mg, 20/Jul/17 1Mg, 31/Jul/17 0.8Mg, 11/Aug/17 0.6Mg, 23/Aug/17 0.5Mg, 05/Sept/17 0.4Mg, 13/Sept/17 0.3Mg. 22/Sept/17 0.2Mg, 03/Oct/17 0.15Mg, 10/Oct/17 0.1Mg, 23/Oct/17 0.05Mg, 22/Nov/17 0.025Mg, 06/DECEMBER/2017 MIRT FREEE.

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  • Moderator

Hi AliG:

 

Just wondered how you are doing?

 

Hopefully better. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to comment

Thanks, all.

 

I am noticing an improvement in symptoms but still experiencing windows and waves.

 

This takes so much more patience than I ever thought that I had.

 

Positives : Sleeping normally. Dizziness - gone. Cortisol spikes - gone. Pins and needles - gone. Fatigue is almost gone and energy is returning. Burning legs /feet - gone. Heart palpitations are almost non- existent now as is SI. Mood swings are milder.

 

Depression comes and goes in a windows and waves pattern but is much less intense.

 

Negatives : Anhedonia / slight agoraphobia / neuro emotions are all still there but improving incrementally all the time.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator

Hi AliG:

 

Haven't seen you on forever!

 

Hope you are doing well. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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  • 2 months later...
  • Moderator

Hi Ali:

 

Haven't seen you on in forever!

 

I've got the stupid flu, among dental issues. I'm worn out.

 

Hope you're feeling better. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to comment

HI Frogie.Thanks for asking. I don't really have anything to add to my last update. Things are pretty much the same except I'm becoming even more accepting of the process and the insomnia has also come back. I hope it's temporary but who knows? I don't think about it all anymore - this is my "new normal " and I just try to cope with what is.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Moderator
54 minutes ago, AliG said:

HI Frogie.Thanks for asking. I don't really have anything to add to my last update. Things are pretty much the same except I'm becoming even more accepting of the process and the insomnia has also come back. I hope it's temporary but who knows? I don't think about it all anymore - this is my "new normal " and I just try to cope with what is.

I can relate 100%. I used to be able to lay my head down and I was asleep in 10 minutes. The last couple of weeks, I toss and turn and watch the clock move. I'm wondering if it's all the stress I've had with my teeth. Hopefully, this appt and one more and I'm done. Maybe then my sleep will go back to normal. 

 

I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to comment

It's good to hear from you AliG and sounds like you are doing as well as can be expected. Accepting the process for what it is and going on about life as best we can is probably one of the healthiest things we can do. Though so much easier said than done. I do hope the insomnia eases up for you sooner rather than later. Take care... :-)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

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Hard work pays off well! So happy to see the long listing of symptoms as 'GONE'!!

so well done!!

 

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Hi,Ali....sorry the insomnia is back...that stinks.

hope it resolves soon....hang in there...you've been doing great.

 

love,ds   xxx

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs.

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I don't know if you have ever tried magnesium oil spray before bed to help with sleep. I found it recommended on another site (for menopausal women!) and have been using it, I think it helps. I spray it on the tops of my feet because it's sticky and a little smelly - so as far away from my nose as possible! Just wanted to mention it in case you might like to give it a try. :-)

2005-2009, Lexapro 10 - 20 mg, CT WD w/severe depression and anxiety:  2010-2015, Paxil, 30 - 40 mg, tapered off at 10 mg/week, moderate anxiety and depression:  2010-2015, Clonozapam 0.25 mg, as needed for anxiety and sleep:  1/10/2015, Zoloft 25 mg, tried to increase to 50 and 75, but nausea and dizziness:  2/13/2015, Paxil 5 mg, added back after 2 weeks at zero to reduce WD:  2/28/2015, Paxil 10 mg, increased from 5 mg to reduce WD, HOLDING:  3/04/2015, Zoloft discontinued (reduced to ~12.5 mg on 2/19, ~6.25 mg on 2/26, then zero):  4/26/2015, Paxil starting 10% taper (no scale so was inadvertently at 20% taper, yikes!):  4/30/2015, Paxil 10 mg, reinstated (WD disappeared between August 2015 and May 2016)

5/02/2016, Started 10% taper, reinstated to 10 mg on 5/11/16:  4/29/2017, Last dose of Paxil (working with holistic psychiatrist, lots of supplements to aid WD):  Primary symptoms: apathy, demotivation, anhedonia, fatigue, stress intolerance, moderate social anxiety

7/1/2018 Finally feeling like myself again, success!!! Praise God! Even with the stress of relocating recently, I am feeling pretty good most of the time now. Granted, I eat healthy, I exercise, I don't drink caffeine or alcohol and I try hard find a healthy balance of quiet and social times. Hang in there and keep the faith, you can do it too!

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Hi Ali, 

Sorry to hear that you are still dealing with this crap. I only get hope from those recovered right now. I thought you were so close to being fully healed. This gets me questioning if anyone fully recovers. I just read that Jennifer Leigh is going through a bout after 7yrs off and is actually retiring. She gave me hope too before bc she said she had healed.  

2006-15 Effexor on and off mostly on. Also tried drugs that didn't work; notriptyline, Celexa, Zoloft, Welbutrin, Abilify, Pristiq, Cymbalta. Weaned off Effexor for last time quickly (2015) - horrible depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
Remeron (2016) helped wd symptoms. 
2017 - tapered off Rem over a few mths. Horrible wd symptoms with insomnia. Reinstating Remeron fail. For wd insomnia tried: Trazodone, Elavil, Gabapentin, Seroquel, Doxepin, Valium. Failed. 2mg Ativan at bed intermittent use 4mth.
CT Ativan - off all meds June '17.  Recovered by Oct '17 - well for a yr.
Oct '18-now. Major stresses, drank alcohol. In hell -insomnia, dp/dr, head pressure, anhedonia, no emotions, blank mind.
May/June '19 - 16 doses Rem CT, 10 doses 2mg Ativan. CT

Recovered Oct 2020-June 2022 - fully functional, working.  Only left with head pressure.

Major stresses - mainly financial, living space, relationship - severe insomnia, severe anxiety, depression, dp/dr, emotional numbness, blank mind

Sept 2022 - for sleep - took 8 doses of 15mg Remeron, 3 doses of 7.5mg, 3 doses of 3.75mg, 3 doses of 1.875mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Yay.........AliG post!!!!  ((((((AliG))))))

 

 

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Thanks guys. :)  As always your support is awesome.

 

Frogie, I do appreciate your concern. Thank you so much for checking in and thinking of me. I hope you are doing well.

 

Prestorb, I have used the Magnesium oil spray and highly recommend it but it stings which is probably why I don't use it more. If you can get past the "sting" it's such a good tool to use as it absorbs quickly and seems to have a fairly immediate effect. It has helped me at times as has all forms of magnesium. I love the stuff! It is probably one of those things that has helped me through withdrawal more than anything else. 

 

DireStraits, I know we have a similar timeline and it can be extremely frustrating and seemingly slow at times but "healing is happening". I feel it and know that I'm so very close. I just have a little way to go yet probably more as a result of my abusive past and the associated neuro - emotions involved (and brought up in withdrawal) than anything else at this point in time.They seem to be the last to go ... unfortunately. It all becomes so very exacerbated and turbulent in withdrawal.

 

LexAnger, you amaze me with your generosity of spirit especially considering what you are currently battling yourself. Hang in there.Yes,there are so many symptoms that have now gone and it's very easy to dismiss those quite easily now in retrospect but it's been a very real war and every inch of ground has been hard- won. It's not over yet but it's turning favorably and I know that I inch forward just a little bit more each day. I've learned to be so patient.That's a lesson right there. I wish we didn't have to but it's something we seem to have to endure to get through this in one piece.

 

MMT, thank you.We have been going through this together on a similar time frame. We are both slowly getting there.

 

UncomfortablyNumb,this is my personal thread where I vent some frustration at times. I am healing - I'm 90- 95 % and this insomnia is transitory. I know it and am not worried. It's all just a matter of time and I have total supreme confidence in that. I'm really not stressed as I have felt the difference over all these years and months and know that even if I have a step or two backwards it's only a matter of time before my course auto - corrects yet again. I have always had faith in this process and I have never wavered from that. I hope that gives you a little more confidence.Sometimes I think that positivity trumps all. You need to have some faith.

 

I know this latest insomnia episode is related to the flu and cold/ flu capsules that in retrospect I should not have taken but I thought they would be harmless ... they were not!  Lesson learned.

I know now NEVER to take anything. I thought I had learned this ... Sometimes it takes a few hard knocks ... to really get the message. Only natural healing from hereon in ...

 

The body ultimately heals itself and our job is to " NOT GET IN THE WAY " of that.

Much love .

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment
25 minutes ago, AliG said:

DireStraits, I know we have a similar timeline and it can be extremely frustrating and seemingly slow at times but "healing is happening". I feel it and know that I'm so very close. I just have a little way to go yet probably more as a result of my abusive past and the associated neuro - emotions involved (and brought up in withdrawal) than anything else at this point in time.They seem to be the last to go ... unfortunately. It all becomes so very exacerbated and turbulent in withdrawal.

 

Oh,Ali,I hear you on this .I feel like  I'm at the exact same place! so much coming up from the past and needing to be dealt with,so difficult and gut wrenching.  my poor husband....let's hold on to each other as we walk toward the finish line of healing and recovery.

love you,ds   xxx

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs.

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  • Moderator

Hi Ali:

 

I posted on my thread, could you stop by and read it and maybe give me some ideas?

 

You are so caring and good at putting me at ease. I could really use Ali right now lol...

 

Thanks. :)

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to comment

Dear DireStraits. I know that you have your past issues also.There is sometimes so much inherent sadness in this life and whilst in withdrawal it can become very overwhelming to deal with all the neuro-emotions etc.associated with all of that.They can sometimes push us hard however we have to stay strong and if we can manage to do that and get through this then we can basically do pretty much anything.

 

I like to think of it that way.This process strengthens us in ways we could never even have imagined! Hang in there. it will be OK.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi, Ali.

 

Just stopped by with some healing vibes. I'm so happy to read you're at 90-95% recovered and that your insomnia is transient. I hope you're over the flu and are sleeping better soon. 

 

 

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Frogie: I will stop on by.

Shep : I always love your very healing vibes. I refuse to think of this latest backslide in sleep as anything but a temporary upset during and after the flu and also owing to those pesky cold/ flu capsules which may seem fairly innocuous at the time but in actual fact are not. It's a lesson learned particularly when combined with Valerian for sleep.Oh my. A terrible combination!

 

Please be careful folks as even the most anti-medication person like myself can still get tripped up with seemingly innocent OTC drugs.They can set you back and it always takes time to recover from such an episode.

 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
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