MissTrish Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 AliG - thanks for stopping by my page. How are you? Are you sleeping any at all? Thinking of you, and sending you hope. 1986-2005: Limbitrol (15 Librium/ 50 Elavil combo) 1986-2005, 2005-successfully tapered Librium January of 2009-2011: Mirtazapine 30 mg; Cymbalta 60 mg; tapered cymbalta fall/winter of 2011/12 March 2012-March 2014: Mirtazapine, and various trials of Celexa, Zoloft, Wellbutrin and Lexapro; began Lexapro taper 9/18/14-Lexapro .7 mg; Mirtazapine 30 mg; 9/29/14 ditched Lexapro; added 25 mg Nortryptyline began mirtazapine taper 11/4/14: Mirtazapine 15 mg; Nortryptyline about 12.5 mg; 1/17/15: Mirtazapine 7.5 mg; Nortryptyline 2.5 mg, then jumped nortryptyline. 2/10: Mirtazapine 1.875, 2/11: Re-established at 6.75, 3/19-6.0 mg, 4/9-5.8, 4/17-6.3; 4/21 tried to re-establish at 7.5 4/23/15-Back to 5.8; 5/5-5.1mg; 5/16-4.6 mg; 5/24-4.2 mg; 6/2-3.9 mg; 6/9-3.6 mg; 6/16-3.3 mg; 6/23-3 mg 6/28-2.8 mg; 7/2-2.5 mg; 7/4-Jumped, due to increased misery from the drug itself. In a spell of panic due to agitation and insomnia, went through a few days each of 10, then 5 mg amitryptyline and 5 mg librium. Did not work out well. Horrible insomnia now. Link to comment
AliG Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thanks Guys. I appreciate the thoughts. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
luv2knit Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Thanks for stopping by, Ali! Hang in there! XOXO Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
Purplestars22 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Ali, it's great that you have a supporting system. I hope you are doing well and managing. Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety Failed attempt to stop reinstated 1 year taper skipping doses Celexa free 12/2013 1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hi Ali, thanks for stopping by on my thread. Wish you all the best, peace and healing. I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
freespirit Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Hi Ali, Thanks for your good wishes on my thread...I admire anyone that can maintain a relationship through wd....I could barely tolerate myself a lot of the time. Hope things ease off for you soon. Hang in there. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
degen12 Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I liked your interview with Buzz Aldrin. April / 2016: Cipralex 10 mg, Mirtazapine 30 mg, Lyrica 600 mg, Diazepam 20 mg, Bystolic 5 mg 2018: Lots of polypharmacy which is undocumented here. Started and stopped several drugs and changed doses of existing ones August / 2018: Back on track! Cipralex 15 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Diazepam 15 mg September 2018: Cipralex 15 mg -> 12.5 mg October 2018: Cipralex 12.5 mg -> 10 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg -> 3.75 mg -> Stopped, Diazepam 15 mg November 2019: Cipralex 5 mg, Diazepam 10 mg Link to comment
AliG Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 I'm not sure what you mean?, Degen. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
AliG Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Thanks guys for the support. I really appreciate it. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
degen12 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I'm not sure what you mean?, Degen. Oh, I was just referring to the interview that Ali G (Sacha Baron Cohen) did. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BheL-a5Aeis April / 2016: Cipralex 10 mg, Mirtazapine 30 mg, Lyrica 600 mg, Diazepam 20 mg, Bystolic 5 mg 2018: Lots of polypharmacy which is undocumented here. Started and stopped several drugs and changed doses of existing ones August / 2018: Back on track! Cipralex 15 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg, Diazepam 15 mg September 2018: Cipralex 15 mg -> 12.5 mg October 2018: Cipralex 12.5 mg -> 10 mg, Mirtazapine 7.5 mg -> 3.75 mg -> Stopped, Diazepam 15 mg November 2019: Cipralex 5 mg, Diazepam 10 mg Link to comment
chia1214 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Thanks for stopping by my thread Ali - I tried to multi-post to my most recent visitors, and made a mangle job of it! Oh well, more to learn! I left an answer to your question on my thread, not sure it was a helpful one. If you can find it in my mangle job! Hugs to you -- Chia Read my intro here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7569-chia1214-tapering-lamotrigine-maybe-clonazapam-later/#entry110043 1975 Hospitalized and first exposure to psych. drugs age 13-15 Haldol, Tofranil, Cogentin, Thorazine. On and off numerous AD’s & AP’s no records until 2000 2000 Celexa, Clonazepam 1mg – never exceeded 1 mg except occasional emergency use 2004 Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Effexor, recall add-on trials of Lexapro, Prozac, Wellbutrin during this time also 2007 Lithium added, switch Effexor to Pristiq, still on Lamictal (Lamotrigine) Clonazepam. Some cold turkey quits of everything over the years. No knowledge of WD 2011 Lithuim Gabapentin Lunestra, Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Clonazepam 2012 Taken off all but Lamictal (Lamotrigine), Clonazepam, began Zyprexa 2013 Abilify replaced Zyprexa (high lipids) added Wellbutrin, Prozac, Adderall 2014 Discontinued Abilify, Wellbutrin, Prozac, Adderall, added Latuda, Quetiapine, then stopped those. December 2014 Found SA Began slow taper of the only remaining two drugs I'm taking Clonazepam 0 mg Benzo free as of May 30, 2017 Lamotrigine 0 mg as of Jan 7, 2018 Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted July 27, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 27, 2015 Hey Ali - sounds like your past 2 months has been very full. What with stuff crashing down around your memories, and your daughter returning home - to stay? You had a window, and in that window, you were wise and warm and witty, with a clear vision. I encourage you to go back and re-read the things you wrote in May, just before the wave came crashing back. I'd also like to point out that your wave was stimulated by external events - so while your neuro-emotions have been extreme, and your insomnia has you climbing the walls - be kind to yourself. There's only so much you can take on at a time. I hope you can carve out time and a place for yourself, to be mindful and clear, and prepare yourself for the next external event. (for there will be one!) "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
luv2knit Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Thinking of you, Ali! Hang in there! I'm going through a rough patch too! Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted July 30, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted July 30, 2015 You had a window, and in that window, you were wise and warm and witty, with a clear vision. I encourage you to go back and re-read the things you wrote in May, just before the wave came crashing back What a brilliant post from JanCarol! These threads are journals and I wonder how many of us take this advice. Ali, I know it's been rough of late, but take JC's advice and "see yourself" as you were in the window. One of the things that happens to us in this process is we lose sight and sense of self. Refinding it through our own words is quite powerful. Hoping that next window opens for you soon and that it is a big old picture window that never shuts. Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Thinking of you!! Hope you are getting by alright. Hugs 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
AliG Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 Thanks guys. You are all great . I feel you all have helped me climb out of a dark place quite a few times. I can only hope I have helped some of you as well, in a small way. It seems to help so much to have some "validation" for our symptoms, which personally I don't get a lot of except from my husband. He's great and tries to understand but it's not the same as experiencing this. I hope we can all look back one day and this will be just a memory. So, it's been 14 months since C/T off Valdoxan, with 9 days in February on Citalopram (4 days), and Lumin (5 days). Then I found this site.I'm not quite sure where to count from, May 2014, or February 2015. Before that it was 15 - 20 years on & off just about every SSRI & SNRI, without knowing, that every time I came off one I was in withdrawal. So back on I went. It was a perfect storm as many of us have experienced. It has been and continues to be quite a ride . One that I would gladly get off if I could. I feel like I've been on this merry-go-round, for far too long. I'm lucky, I suppose in that I have been able to have some sort of a life in the midst of all this and for that I'm grateful. I'm married to a man I love and I have 3 beautiful children, who have grown into very fine people. I don't feel I fulfilled my potential, in other areas of my life including career and also friendships/ family. I feel like that was all derailed by the consequences & symptoms of being on the drugs. Of course, it started even earlier than that with trauma that catapulted me into depression, and then eventually onto the drugs - post natal depression. I was in fight /flight well before I got on medication . Growing up in a dysfunctional family, where you are constantly walking on eggshells puts you in a fearful state that never really ends. Trauma changes who you are.The fallout from that can be toxic and permanent. Relationships easily fall apart and any sort of family cohesion is tenuous at best. I have recently just been through a very traumatic event that sent me into a spin, and then a wave. I'm not sure why I'm letting this out here except I'm at a stage in my life where I want to be understood and to be able to speak the truth and not live constantly in fear. Therapy has never worked for me so maybe a bit of writing here will be therapeutic. Having said all that I've had the flu that never ends and been in a really bad wave. Withdrawal is like the "gift that just keeps on giving" .LOL. Anyway, I had a lovely day today. The sun was out, and I went to the markets with my husband, and he bought me some beautiful flowers, and we had some brunch & organic coffee, and we bought a whole bunch of fresh fruits & vegetables/ herbs. There was this guitar player/ singer, who was really good. I enjoyed the whole atmosphere of food , flowers, music and life . I definitely had a window but I think it was a combination of getting over the flu and getting a full night's sleep . I don't even know how that happened. So I'm cautious as to how long this will last but as with my last "window" I'm hoping it will be long enough to get a "taste of life" again and to remember how good it can be when you're in the state to experience joy . I've shared more than I normally do. I think I just needed to. We're all doing it tough but with virtual support for each other we will make it through. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted August 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 1, 2015 What an inspiring post Ali . . . I take my virtual hat off to you. You sound like your old self is back , but a stronger and more resolute version - the new real you. I'm so happy you've had today to restore your faith that things will even out eventually. I sense that today you truly have a deep belief that you're going to get through this , and that feeling has been a long time coming. I reckon you can count 14 months under your belt - the few days of reinstating was just a hiccup. Thank you for sharing . 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 1, 2015 Great post, Ali! You are right -- Freud wasn't correct about all of it, but some of the basics about childhood were certainly spot on. I share your feelings of "growing up dysfunctional" and get where you come from on basically never feeling "right." So, there you go, additional validation! Your story is one of strength and power and one that should fill your cup to the brim with pride. And now you are paying it forward which should be a source of further good feeling. You are already a success story and the story will continue to get better. Best Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
AliG Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 Thank you Fresh & Andy. Your words mean the world to me. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Frustrated Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 God bless you for being strong enough to share like that. I am glad you were able to get out and enjoy the day. I hope many more days like that come in the future. 2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale..6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th).4mg(April 27th).2 (June 27th) 0mg. done taper at beginning of August. Link to comment
AliG Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 Thank you Frustrated, and I wish the same for you. I'm hoping you get a beautiful "window" very soon. Hugs. xx Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
direstraits Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 sorry you can't sleep,Ali-that's the pits;affects everything else. praying this gets better for you, XO went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
luv2knit Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Thank you for sharing, Ali! I hope your window lasts! Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
AliG Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 Unfortunately, it doesn't last long and I'm up again with no sleep however I'm accepting of that and trying to make the best of it by posting on this site although there is not knowledge at 4 am in the morning. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
freespirit Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I applaud you Ali, for speaking your truth. I suspect there are many of us with childhood abuse and/or neglect who end up on AD. The impact of these things is huge, as you've shared in your post. It's possible to heal, but it's a very long road. And by heal, I don't mean cure. I just think it's possible to get to a place where those childhood experiences don't dominate every part of your life. I'm glad you had a window, though brief. Your description was so beautiful and there's a strength in your post. Thank you for sharing in this way with us. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted August 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 2, 2015 Wow, AliG, I think this is the truth upon which you will now be able to grow. Without that truth, you are like a tree with no roots, easy to topple, unsupported. But in speaking, and acknowledging that truth - in the face of what you've been told your whole life, to "keep it dark," is bringing a ray of light, a solar wind to blow the cobwebs from all those dark, dank, dusty corners. Thank you for sharing, I really still believe that a good therapist can help you - we're all just peers in here. But you've taken a huge step, and what an awesome one it is! You wrote: I don't feel I fulfilled my potential, in other areas of my life including career and also friendships/ family. I feel like that was all "derailed" by the consequences & symptoms of being on the drugs. While I don't think you can find anyone here in SA for whom that is not true - I would venture to say that - for the most part - this is part of being an adult. "I would've, I could've, I should've" can consume you. I know I often wake in the middle of the night with a regret - "O I shouldn't have said that!" even if it was 20 years ago. "If only I hadn't driven her away - " but it's too late. Too late, even for regrets. Let that past stream flow behind you, and continue to bravely paddle forward! (now if I could take my own advice! this is one of my cutting edge issues - this crippled, slow, unproductive me, and finding the value in that for others in the years I have left.) "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Pugknows Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Reading your posts is like having a cup of coffee with a friend. I really like you, Ali. I hope you consider me one of your buddies. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
AliG Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thanks Free, it is a long road. I've been reluctant to share too much here, in the past, but I thought it might help me & possibly someone else out there. Jan, I'm still thinking about it. We'll see. Thanks anyway. I'll try to keep "paddling forward". Pug, I definitely consider we're "buddies", and just wish that we could sit down and have that coffee , together. Thank you all for your support. ( Thanks Luv , D.S & Frustrated also ). Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Ha Ali not much knowledge at 4am.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Amazing post Ali 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
AliG Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 I know Love . I feel like I should apologize to anyone , that I have replied to on this site, at that time. Unfortunately, it has been a frequent occurrence.!! Oh dear. Apologies !!! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
AliG Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Thanks, Love. I'm not sure. I'm feeling a "little" exposed. I'm used to having my "secrets". Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 No I think your fine at 4am..just funny the way you put it 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
AliG Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 I know, it's a funny little world, here , that we inhabit at all times of the day & night. The good thing is that we all "understand", what we go through. At 4 am, after 0 hours sleep, a kind of "madness" sets in , at least with me. I hope I'm not the only one. I come on here , because it's "daytime" just about everywhere else, and it helps me "pass the time". It is funny though, as the poor little "brain cells", that are already so stressed , start to peter out completely. Hence - "not much knowledge" !!! LOL ! Unfortunately, I can feel another " night of insomnia" coming on. Sorry, guys ! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
pug Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Anyway, I had a lovely day today. The sun was out, and I went to the markets with my husband, and he bought me some beautiful flowers, and we had some brunch & organic coffee, and we bought a whole bunch of fresh fruits & vegetables/ herbs. There was this guitar player/ singer, who was really good. I enjoyed the whole atmosphere of food , flowers, music and life !! I definitely had a "window", but I think it was a combination of getting over the flu , and getting a full night's sleep . I don't even know how that happened. So I'm cautious, as to how long this will last, but as with my last "window", I'm hoping it will be long enough to get a "taste of life" again, and to remember how it can be when you're in the state to experience joy What a beautiful scene you describe, it is very inspiring! I hope that a new window will open wide very soon and for very long. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Rosie20yearsago Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Hi AliG Thanks for dropping by my thread earlier. I have read quite a bit of yours, and I was moved by your story. I am so sorry for what you have been through. You are really strong though, and that is something you have achieved through courageously fighting your circumstances throughout. And a loving husband and three children, that is definitely a big something, especially after a dysfunctional family. I know just what you mean though by that feeling that you have not fulfilled all you could have if these things had not happened to you. I feel the same. I also have an understanding husband and two lovely children. But my career and some of my friendships have also gone by the wayside and it is difficult not to regret some things. Still we are building some wisdom and perceptions that people without this experience cannot have, with which we can truly understand each other. And perhaps hopefully one day we can overturn the ignorance the medical world have about the effect of these particular drugs. Perhaps we will also have new opportunities that we would not have had before once healing has grounded us again. I hope so at least! I hope your sleeping gets better soon,that really sucks if you can't sleep. Take care, Rosie <p>Became depressed and anxious after persistent bulliying at school. started with fluoxetine 20 years ago(1995), when I was 21, was changed to seroxat(citalopram) 20 mg after a couple of years or so because of side effects. This enabled me to get through university and beyond but whenever I tried to stop, usually tapering, I never got past one year off meds. This time I stopped around Christmas 2014. I did taper but very fast I guess, from 40 to 30 to 20, then 10, then 5(I think), over a few months. I cannot remember precisely. I stopped while moving from the Netherland to Holland so am no longer under any medical supervision. However I am trying a reinstatement; I tried 1mg from the 29th of June for ten days, 2 mg from the 11 th July 2015, 1.8mg from 10th Aug, 1.6mg from 16th Sept. Link to comment
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