Rosie20yearsago Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Sounds good Ang! That emotional rollercoaster sounds tough, I feel for you Ali, I am having a window I guess; and am on holiday, visiting my old neighbours in Amsterdam, which is both very lovely and very heart wrenching, just wanted to check in and see how things were going over here! Wish you all the best! <p>Became depressed and anxious after persistent bulliying at school. started with fluoxetine 20 years ago(1995), when I was 21, was changed to seroxat(citalopram) 20 mg after a couple of years or so because of side effects. This enabled me to get through university and beyond but whenever I tried to stop, usually tapering, I never got past one year off meds. This time I stopped around Christmas 2014. I did taper but very fast I guess, from 40 to 30 to 20, then 10, then 5(I think), over a few months. I cannot remember precisely. I stopped while moving from the Netherland to Holland so am no longer under any medical supervision. However I am trying a reinstatement; I tried 1mg from the 29th of June for ten days, 2 mg from the 11 th July 2015, 1.8mg from 10th Aug, 1.6mg from 16th Sept. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted August 12, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 12, 2015 Hey Ali - I hope you are feeling better. You may be mad at me for this post - but please, just hear me out - and try some of this, and if it's not for you, it's not for you - but maybe it will lead to something that WILL help you - Okay, you've decided not to trust a therapist with your secrets. But I reckon you need some kind of challenge. Please see the following videos to see if there is something you can do on your own to confront your PTSD, trauma, anxiety - they are all bound up together and amplified by WD. Maybe there is not much you can do until the worst of the withdrawal is past. But maybe there is. Look at some of these to see if there is something which can help you to open up, welcome the sun into the dark corners which have kept you bound and tied for so long. I recognize that these things are not only old - like all your life - they are still hammering on you too. I think that there is PTSD, but that there is also TSD: Traumatic Stress Disorder. I believe that everyone in withdrawal is going through this - where the trauma yes, happened in the past, but the drug keeps that past stuff current with neuroemotions and events and effects that can be really crippling. Maybe there is nothing you can do now but wait, but I also challenge you to challenge yourself - find positive experiences "out there" - find mindsets which are pro-active and strengthen your identity, grounding, and Will so that you are grounded and don't become uprooted at every fierce wind which comes your way. Some people swear by trauma releasing exercises. www.youtube.com/watch?v=27VgK0LrR3Q Those don't work so well for me. (Post 1 of 3) But others in here have had excellent success with them. "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted August 12, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 12, 2015 he one I really like (here's the name I've been trying to remember for WEEKS!)is Babette Rothschild. She has a kind, gentle and practical approach to trauma www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhuzpUlaX_k Here is the introduction to her "8 Keys" talks: www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQz5yVkBm5w ALSO - FreeSpirit has turned me on to Lee Holden Chi Gung videos. In looking them up on YouTube, I have found dozens and dozens of EXCELLENT Chi Gung videos. Most of them are only 10 minutes or less long, so there's not an intense commitment - and doing them makes you feel better - frees your spirit a bit. Here's the Lee Holden one that got me started: But there are many others that I have been doing - I try to do one a day. It's not heavy exercise, but it feels healing, unifying, grounding, peace-making (Post 2 of 3) "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted August 12, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 12, 2015 Here's the last one - I had a friend in the Philippines who was caught in the earthquake / tsunami / cyclone a couple of years back, and it affected her horribly. The ground had been shaken out from underneath her and she took EMDR therapy and it helped immensely. Usually you go to an EMDR practitioner - but you don't trust practitioners, so here are some YouTube videos on EMDR: Some people swear by EMDR: www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQ_TnyknP5I Here are 2 videos to allow you to try doing EMDR yourself: www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlfQIRJEsYk www.youtube.com/watch?v=55BLzhHBkVc I tend to prefer the 2nd one. So here are some things to think about (Babette Rothschild), some things to try (trauma releasing, EMDR, and Chi Gung). Let us know if anything "clicks" with you, and if something rubs you the wrong way, let us know, and why. We are all learning. BTW, the meditation book you gave me is really quite excellent, thank you! <3 "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
freespirit Posted August 12, 2015 Share Posted August 12, 2015 I recognize that these things are not only old - like all your life - they are still hammering on you too. I think that there is PTSD, but that there is also TSD: Traumatic Stress Disorder. I believe that everyone in withdrawal is going through this - where the trauma yes, happened in the past, but the drug keeps that past stuff current with neuroemotions and events and effects that can be really crippling. Brilliantly said JC. I've been looking for a way to explain this, and you've done it. I also agree with seeking out positive experiences, even if you don't feel all that great when doing them. I think they are like drops of water filling a well. Like everything else in WD, it takes time and patience...but they do eventually help one not be swept away by every passing symptom or external experience. It's like learning to be a willow, that bends in the wind, but does not break. I know some people find just waiting things out to be the answer. But I've always figured I don't have time to wait..and the skills learned in WD translate into any difficulties through the rest of life. But maybe there are some periods where waiting is the thing to do. None of us has an answer that will apply to anyone else necessarily. We're all just winging it and learning as we go along. I hope you find something that helps through this time Ali. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus apace41 Posted August 19, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 19, 2015 Hi, Ali. It's been a while since you posted to your thread. How are you feeling? Hope you are doing well. Andy Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012 increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first") Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15 Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15 Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016 10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg. No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold. After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C, Link to comment
luv2knit Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Thinking of you, Ali!! XOXO Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
AliG Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Hi Andy, Thanks for asking. I've been in a "funk". No sleep , low mood, no energy , lack of "joie de vivre". Oh , the joy !! However, today, I had a "window". It never seems possible, when you're "going through it". ( The wave, that is. ), that you will get to the other side. It does happen (window), and when it does it seems "miraculous" !! My daughter and I , were dancing around in the kitchen tonight. I was cooking and listening to "Van Morrison" , "Elvis" ( suspicious minds), & "unchained melody", ( Righteous Brothers) & life felt good, for a change. How are you ? I hope you're doing well. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
AliG Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 You too , Luv. How are you ? You haven't posted, for a while . Are you ok ? I hope you're doing better. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
WinningThrough Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Hi Ali. Thanks for visiting my thread. I'm so glad to read you had a window :-) I hope you have many more to come. The only way out is through. Aug 2013 - Augmentin leading to akathisia Sept-Nov 2013 - Citalopram 20mg, severe reaction, off at 5mg. Valium 4mg, prn Oct 2013 - 5 zopiclone tablets, 7.5mg End Nov 2013-end Feb 2014, Seroquel, top dose 150mg, off at 25mg End Nov 2013-early march 2014, Zoloft 100mg top dose, off at 25mg End Dec-2013-early April 2014, lorazepam 1mg prn April 3rd 2014 zoloft 5mg for a few days. 18/4/14 - zoloft, 1mg. Came off at 0.35 mg,14th June 2014 29 June 2014 - 1mg lorazepam, last ever 29 June 2014 - med free Link to comment
AliG Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Thanks Winning Through, And the same to you . Keep on pushing, W.T. You're getting there. Love, Ali . Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
luv2knit Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Yay for windows! That's awesome! Van Morrison... Brown Eyed Girl? XOXO Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
AliG Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Definitely !! One of the best songs ever ! It felt so good, to be normal & enjoying life for a moment or two !! Like someone on here, said - A lightbulb moment ! This is how I used to be, before all this S **T! It felt amazing ! Life can be good . It gave me a "glimpse", of how life can be again, "apres drugs". !! There are definitely , "windows". Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
pug Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Hi Andy, Thanks for asking. I've been in a "funk". No sleep , low mood, no energy , lack of "joie de vivre". Oh , the joy !! However, today, I had a "window". It never seems possible, when you're "going through it". ( The wave, that is. ), that you will get to the other side. It does happen (window), and when it does it seems "miraculous" !! My daughter and I , were dancing around in the kitchen tonight. I was cooking and listening to "Van Morrison" , "Elvis" ( suspicious minds), & "unchained melody", ( Righteous Brothers) & life felt good, for a change. How are you ? I hope you're doing well. Good on you!!! This is wonderful news and I am so happy for you! 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
lundeliz Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I'm so happy you've had a nice window! There's nothing like a window to renew our hope. Wishing you many more bigger and brighter windows to come. 2006-Cymbalta 60mg for lyme disease2009-Quit Cymbalta c/tFeb. 2010-Reinstated 60mg CymMar.2010 to May.2012 tapered Cym to 36mgMay 2012-Crossed over to 30mg CelexaMay 2012-Oct.2013 Tapered Celexa down to 2.5mgOct.2013-Switched to 30 beads CymbaltaDec.4,2013-Stopped Cymbalta at 17 beads<p>Akathisia hit at 6 wks off and continuesNow taking melatonin when needed for sleep. Link to comment
freespirit Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Glad you had a window Ali..even brief ones can remind us of what's possible. Sorry about the heavy funk though...I understand, as I've been there a lot myself these days. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
AliG Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Hi all, Rosie , enjoy your holiday. J.C. I've tried E.M.D.R. . It didn't work for me. However, I like the Lee Holden - "Qi Gong". Free, thank you. I agree with you however, I just don't have the energy at the moment to be too "pro - active ". Andy, Thanks for asking . Thanks Luv, I hope you're doing a little better. Winning through - thank you. Pug - thank you. A "window" and then back to the "never-ending hell of insomnia". Anyway, "this too shall pass". (hopefully !! ) . I hope everyone's doing well , tonight. I consider this "withdrawal" to be a lesson in "patience & strength". After this, everything will feel like a "walk in the park ". Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
AliG Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Thank you Liz. That's so true. It gives us all hope. Thank you Free, as always, for your support. I'm constantly amazed at how quickly these symptoms can "wax & wane", with no rhyme or reason . You just never know what's around the corner. I try to be positive, even when I'm down, knowing that the next "window", is coming . However, it has been very hard, and some days I don't know how I'm going to get through. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Knaster Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I can so relate to the thoughts about doing nothing, accept and become stable. I am in a similar phase myself now and for the first time in years the dark depression blanket is not present. There is hope! * 2000: Diagnosed with depression after separation. Venlafaxine 150 mg. * 2001 - 2010: Continued taking Venlafaxine 150 mg out of habit. * 2010 - 2013: Several failed attempts to discontinue, caused anxiety, depression, no sleep, mood swings. * April 2014: New attempt to do a slow and proper taper from 150 mg. * March 2015: Down to 30 mg Venlafaxine. Anxiety is present but mostly manageable. Getting myself addicted to benzos again. * May 2015: Bridging to liquid Fluoxetine during 1 month. Fatigue introduced to the mix. * June 2015: On 12 mg Fluoxetine (3.0 ml liquid, equals 40 mg Venlafaxine) and about 1 mg Diazepam daily. * July 2015: 12 mg Fluoxetine (3.0 ml liquid). Tapering the Diazepam. Fatigue, anxiety mood swings, memory loss. Sleep is good. * August 2015: Off the benzo. Stable on the Fluoxetine. * Current withdrawal status (August 2015): Almost no issues. Minor mood swings and memory loss and bad stomach. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9387-knaster-fight-fight-fight/ Link to comment
clearday Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 AliG wrote on Clearday's thread: Clearday, I'm 15 months off, and I feel like I'm cycling through "windows & waves" more frequently. Is that how you are experiencing symptoms, at the moment? It sounded like it . You seem very much improved. I look forward to hearing more of your recovery / healing. Ali. Hi AliG, I'm trying to figure out what is going on. It seems I am in a wave for a week now, but it is just not a bad wave, so I can feel pretty good often. My worst symptom is always the head noise. During a wave, the head noise increases and other symptoms may flare up such as brain fog and chest tightness. But during this current wave, the head noise is there, but other symptoms have not flared up, so it's easy to forget that I am in a wave. Maybe the line between window and wave is just blurred for now. But overall, I am definitely getting better over time. Thanks for asking - Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned..... Prozac: 20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs Zoloft: 2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg Effexor: 2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. Lexapro: 10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to: Lexapro: 5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now. 24 months SSRI-free Link to comment
Mentor ang Posted August 23, 2015 Mentor Share Posted August 23, 2015 I am improving, I am 12 months plus out now, I am surviving and have a spark now, I never had previously. I was skeptical, but yes time does heal////////////// 1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression. Serotonin syndrome, oh yes! seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol. Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly) pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby). 98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout.... Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol, and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg tegretol 400mg. Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.Mid 15 .... 75mg seroquel, 3 x 1800mg SJW 2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW:::: 28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::; 18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump. 23/9 3mg....., 27/9 0mg. Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg............. LIGHTBULB MOMENT, I have MTHFR 2x mutations. CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it. Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues. Link to comment
AliG Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 Hi all. Thanks Knaster & Clearday . I can't sleep yet again ! Night after night. This insomnia just keeps on and on. Agghhhhh !!!!!!! I need to go to the "cursing thread ". I'm so over it ! Hour after hour. It is relentless ! I'm not getting any healing whatsoever. I'm so tired ! I can't keep going like this . Something has to give. I'm so mad !!! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 It is NOT fair!!!! Agreed!!! I'm so sorry you are having a rough time and I hope it passes! I'm thinking of you and hoping you see some improvement in baseline very soon. XOXO 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
pug Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Ali, I am sorry you are suffering and I am hoping that your next window and some sleep will be here quickly and in good measure. You have a right to be frustrated and upset, this process is not fair and very, very hard. Hold on, this can change quickly for you and happen like a "flip of the switch". 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Hi Ali! I hope you're asleep. Alas, I am NOT again. Grrrrr. I know sleep will come again eventually and I don't want to take a Unisom doxy for fear of getting dependent, even though it works like a charm! Figures I find an OTC sleep aid that works and I'm too stubborn to take it. Insomnia is a tough one, girlfriend. It's usually the last symptom to resolve, from what I've heard. I hope you get at least a few hours of rest, even if you can't zzzzzzz. I'll take sentry duty tonight. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted August 24, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted August 24, 2015 Are you getting any sleep at all over a 24 hour period Ali? 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
freespirit Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Ali, That really sucks about the relentless insomnia. I don't believe that means you aren't healing...it just means your sleep is being hardest hit. I think as Pugknows does..that healing is happening all the time, even though it may not look like it. For me, that belief helps me not get so freaked by the symptoms... I appreciate you stopping by my thread. I have no words of wisdom to share either...just a fellow traveler weaving down the winding road of WD recovery. I don't know how to describe what's happening with well as well...waves and windows seem to happen rapidly and sometimes, at the same time. It's enough to make your head spin. Take care, as best you can. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Tilly Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 My daughter and I , were dancing around in the kitchen tonight. I was cooking and listening to "Van Morrison" , "Elvis" ( suspicious minds), & "unchained melody", ( Righteous Brothers) & life felt good, for a change. How are you ? I hope you're doing well. Hi Ali, It seems like music is providing us both with therapeutic value recently. Great stuff! These are the moments that we need to hold onto. The moments of life that bring us joy. We need to work these moments throughout our daily life as much as possible. I'm working on this currently. PTSD provides such a tough battle on top of the trauma of withdrawal. Withdrawal does amplify the whole experience of PTSD to a point where it feels overwhelming and all consuming. There are no easy answers in response to this, as you well know. I have found that listening to myself more than ever helps me to negotiate my way through the pain. I trust my judgement and instinct more than I ever have. At times when I feel that my judgement is not at its best, I defer decisions and take no action until I feel happier to do so. I think that questioning and doubting yourself can be very much a part of PTSD and can make having faith in yourself very difficult. I am learning to sit with the horrendous feelings that arise from PTSD and speak of them, whether verbally or here. It still feels very strange to me to do so. I still feel guilt and anguish for speaking my truth, but also lighter somehow. We have learned to carry this baggage for so long as our guilt. It is not our guilt to carry, my love. It never was. Although I could verbally say this a long time ago, I never quite felt it. I am finally starting to feel this, only now can my healing really begin. I can only speak for what is helpful to me currently. It may not be helpful to you. There are no rules, Ali. Listen to what you need and learn to trust your instincts and follow your own path. We all deserve the best that life has to offer. We have suffered enough - beyond enough. All I know and believe is that we have come this far which shows incredible courage, strength and resilience. We are actively seeking ways forward and are being instrumental in our own healing. We have the capacity to heal and experience the peace that we have been lacking and long for. I believe in you Ali and wish you the peace that you deserve. Be kind to yourself and listen to yourself. You can get through this. You have so many people here willing you on. Let that bring you comfort during the difficult times and spur you on. Huge hugs and lots of love to you, as always xxx 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Sending hugs to you Ali..thank you very much for your support xxxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
direstraits Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 just stopping by to say"hi" and wishing you get some sleep...thanks for all your support...love,ds went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
AliG Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Thanks Love . Thanks D & S. Thanks Wildflower, & Pug. , Fresh & Free. Sounds like a commercial. LOL. Pug 1 & pug 2. Liz ,Ang & Clearday. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
AliG Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 And Tilly !! Thank you. Fresh - No sleep, at all. Maybe an hour or two ?? Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Tilly Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 Ali, try to get some rest. Rest your body and mind even if you can't sleep. It really helps. My mind whizzes when I'm sleep deprived and everything often looks so bleak when I'm lacking sleep. Lie down and have a listen to this and see if it helps to relax you and recharge your batteries a little. I hope that it brings you some relief xxx 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
AliG Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Thanks Tilly. It's so good to hear from you. Love & hugs. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Tilly Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 You too, chick All will be well. Get some rest, love. You must be exhausted xxx 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
AliG Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 It's 5.15 am here. I've been up all night again. This on top of depression is too much to handle. I don't know how much longer I can go with no sleep. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
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