JustWantToBeFree

February 25, 2015

Hi Everyone!

Thank you for welcoming me into this group, it means alot to me. I am a 25 year old female and need help in the worst way. I had been on SSRI's for almost 5 years straight and have been off for almost 5 months now (please see my signature for details).

Main reasons I went off were I constantly felt like I was in a dream, couldn't feel love for my husband, and extreme weight gain (80 lbs since I started). I am lost now, a lost soul. I have no idea who I am and if I'm even capable of living in this world without the buffer of medication.

I am scared constantly and have a feeling of impending doom like this is only going to get worse for me. Unfortunately I am very intelligent and am self assessing and ruminating 24/7. My mind HAS to be doing something and no matter how hard I try to divert my attention, whether it be through cleaning, reading, working, etc. the thoughts are always there.

Even if my mind gives me a break, my physical symtoms are so uncomfortable that they are a steady reminder of what I'm going through. This is my entire life. My anxiety and this withdrawal is it for me. It is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night and my first thought in the morning. I do the bare minimum to satisfy my husband and other than that I am nothing and nobody.

My identity has been lost. I have no hobbies, very few friends, and I don't even have a job now. My current symptoms are: Lightheadedness, blurred vision, shortness of breath, derealization, disequilibrium, extreme fatigue, NO MOTIVATION WHATSOEVER, brain fog, plugged ears, full head, internal shaking and hand tremors, depression, anxiety, and the odd panic attack.

I'm also experiencing neuro-emotion in the form of EXTREME irritibility which scares the heck out of me and further exacerbates my harm ocd. It is like a black cloud has decended over me and all I can focus on is the negative. Am I just experiencing all of this because my brain is struggling to balance and absorb serotonin again? Will I ever feel normal, content, and happiness?

I am convinced that there is something wrong with me medically to be causing all of this and had low ferritin (22) and low B-12 (336) the last time I had blood taken (2 weeks ago). Currently taking 500mg Vitamin C a day and 150mg Magnesium Citrate. Any advice is extremely appreciated. Thank you <3

February 25, 2015

Hi JW, you are not alone, there are many people here suffering the same way with withdrawal. It is a nightmare and feels like it will never end. The good news is that it will get better, your brain and nervous system are healing and the only thing that cures it is time.

The drugs change the way the brain works and when it is taken away it has to regrow and heal itself. Thankfully it is a remarkable organ that can heal itself.

This is our Rhi's analogy

"How fast the drug is out of your system is irrelevant. Your brain has been shaped and modeled around the chemistry that these drugs create. It has grown around the drugs the way a plant grows on a trellis. This happens to people at any age due to normal neuroplastic adaptations, but when you take a growing, developing young brain, I suspect the effects are very deep. Genes that would normally be expressed have been turned off and left dormant, and others have been turned on. Receptors that should have been present, never grew at all. Cells grew differently than they would have without the drug. All of those changes must be gradually reversed, and that's going to take some time."

You may be able to reinstate a tiny amount of prozac if you wish, as time goes by there is less chance of it working but some have successfully reinstated a few months off. A tiny dose of 1mg may help without the awful side effects, Side effects are dose related and can be much better at low doses. Prozac is available in a liquid which makes it easy t use for those low doses.. No one EVER wants to reinstate but it is the only way to lessen withdrawal. When stable you could then start a slow taper.

Here is the topic on reinstating.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/

Tapering prozac http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/759-tips-for-tapering-off-prozac-fluoxetine/

I realise that you might not want to do that, if so there are some excellent topics on the various symptoms and how people cope with them in the symptoms and self care section. You will get lots of support here, we are all in withdrawal or tapering so understand what you are going through.

Magnesium and fish oil are good, we recommend them to everyone so it is good that you already have them. Some find vit C can be a bit activating, others find it helps. It may be an idea to give it a miss for a day or 2 to see how things are without it. people tend to be very sensitive to vitamins and supplements in withdrawal, also things like caffeine and artificial sweeteners etc.

Take good care of yourself, as good as you would care for someone you love. Eat good nutritious food without additives, light exercise such as walking and swimming every day and a calm environment to avoid aggravating things. You will get there, it just takes time.

February 26, 2015

Thank you so much for replying mammaP. Is it normal to have overwhelming irritation? I had a job interview the other day and had a severe panic attack for the hour I was in there. I was so incredibly irritated and agitated I was scared I was going to attack the woman that was interviewing me. Was soaked in sweat, heart pounding, face burning, hands shaking. I wanted to run worse than anything and somehow I still got the job. DREADING it now and terrified to go back.

February 26, 2015

Hi justwanttobefree , welcome to the site.

Yes , it is normal to have overwhelming irritation , as well as many other symptoms you describe , during withdrawal.

Take a look in the "Symptoms and Self-Care" section , and open the thread called "What is Withdrawal Syndrome".

Second section down (What are withdrawal symptoms) , there's a comprehensive document called "Dr. Joseph Glenmullens WD symptoms Checkllst"

that is really helpful.

How do feel about the idea of trying 1mg of Prozac to see if you get relief? I understand if you have doubts , but your w/d may continue to get worse (see my sig).

Best wishes , Fresh

February 26, 2015

Thank you Fresh! That document was extremely helpful, I would say I have 80% of the symptoms he listed. Unfortunately I cannot go on prozac again, not even 1mg. After fighting this for 5 months i will view that as weakness on my part, because even though this sucks for me, I can bare it. I just can't justify putting that poison back into my body I wasn't able to view your signature (as I am on my phone) but when did your withdrawal get the worst? Were you on prozac as well? Do you or anybody else know if it's normal that im not experiencing windows and waves? It's all just bad. Every day.

February 26, 2015

Hi -

I too cold turkeyed off (six) years of Prozac and felt very ill for quite awhile, with some very similar symptoms as you especially the extreme fatigue.

I can tell you that I did recover from all the symptoms, they all slowly went away. But it will take time.

February 26, 2015

((((Just)))) Sending hugs your way. Everything you're feeling is the new "normal" you will feel for awhile in WD. The good news: It's temporary. Just relax as much as possible and let the symptoms come and go. And they WILL GO! I don't have windows after 4 months of CT, just a couple of dirty windshields. Ha! Like you, I couldn't put the poison in my body anymore. Maybe our journey will be tougher than those who taper. Maybe not. Maybe we will heal faster. Maybe not. Maybe we will get windows and waves. Maybe not. We won't know until we have arrived. It's frustrating. We just need to endure. We have each other.

February 26, 2015

Thank you for the kind words clearday & Pugknows. Unfortunately I have really been isolating myself at home for fear of the disorientation / panic attacks that I experience in public. Should I be forcing myself to go out? I just don't know what to do. Looking into chiropractic care as well because my lower back hurts and im always dizzy with blurred vision. If I could just feel a bit better I could do this :'( need some relief. I can't tell if the magnesium is helping or hurting and the one time I took fish oils I sank into a scary dark place the next day so I am scared to take them. Any advice is taken greatly to heart <3

February 26, 2015

Forcing ANYTHING on yourself is a bad idea at this stage of the WD. I would do next to nothing. Let your CNS heal.

February 27, 2015

Okay Pugknows, I will do that. God what I wouldn't give for an hour of peace and to feel my heart light with joy. If I could just feel it and know it's still there. I just need to know that I can still feel that way. It's only a faint memory now. I'm so envious of anyone who has windows. Pug you're saying that you have no windows after 4 months? I think your analogy of dirty windshields is quite fitting haha I feel like that's the closest I get

February 27, 2015

Hey I am new here aswell. Just wanted let you know my doctors didn't link all my symptoms to withdrawal so I thought there was foresure something wrong with me. Well after all my tests there's nothing wrong, only my body trying to recover. I have only gotten some Windows within the last month. Whats tough is that doctors are so uneducated about this. But thankfully we can connect with people on sites like this for support

February 27, 2015

I forgot to tell you I'm in my 6th month of WD

February 27, 2015

Hey , justwant , I would describe my withdrawal as a succession of smaller and smaller windows , that became so grubby you couldn't see out of them. There was no improvement , and I lasted 11 months , with the last 4 months housebound and terrified. At that time , I considered it a window when the panic abated , even if it was for an hour. I went to hospital and got re-medicated , and in 4 days was functional enough to go home and look after myself again.

The good news is I'm well again now , and my personality came back. I'm about to start a long , slow taper from Pristiq 50mg.

February 27, 2015

Hey Mort81, what med did you come off of? I'm so terrified reading other people's stories like I cannot suffer like this for months longer but I can't bare the thought of going on meds again :'( I feel so helpless and out of control. Fresh why do you think that happened to you? Did you CT? Your story is my worst nightmare, I'm so sorry you had to go through that <\3

February 28, 2015

Hi Justwanttobefree, I understand completely where you are coming from. I feel the same, just unable to express it as well as you do. The constant rumination and worry is the worst part of it for me right now, this complete lack of being able to feel anything positive is unrelenting. I have found praying (a lot) helps, at least for the moment. But no, I have very few if any windows, it mostly just feels the same all the time right now. And other folks have so many terrible symptoms, I should feel more grateful than I do for the few physical symptoms I have.

I know this is temporary but I often forget. And I also have the irritability that you describe, especially with my 11 year old son, which of course, makes me feel worse. Be sure to read the Recovery Success Stories on theForum page, they will encourage you. You seem to have a strong spirit, and this is a great site for encouragement and information.

Just the fact that you actually made it through a job interview is something you can be proud of, and they offered you the job! I am not working right now, a blessing and a curse because I need distraction desperately. But I don't know if I could handle the added stress of work with everything else right now. Like you, I feel I do the bare minimum to meet the needs of my family.

Just wanted to welcome you to the site and thank you for sharing your story. Many of us are in the same boat, trying to encourage and help each other as much as possible. I will be praying that you will have some rays of light shine on you very soon! :-)

March 1, 2015

Thankyou Prestorb for the kind words, I found them very comforting. I just can't comprehend that this is still withdrawal off of 10mg prozac CT 5 months ago! My anxiety is severe, I am terrified and having panic attacks every time I leave my house. I can barely get off the couch ever and I just don't trust myself. This feeling that I'm out of control and going to go insane or get possessed is constant. I get constant intrusive thoughts of demon voices coming out of me / screaming profanities, etc. I am scared to take anything, be it vitamins, minerals, yoga, meditation. So scared that it'll make me worse because I can't take much more. My family keeps telling me to go back on medication and I could just scream. Please God or somebody please

March 1, 2015

I'm sorry justwant , I didn't mean to frighten you. I think my w/d was so bad because 1. I had been on and off ad's for aroung 25 years , and 2. the taper I did was too fast , and I didn't stabilize throughout , just kept on decreasing.

I understand how you feel about reinstating , I did too , which is why I waited so long. Too long .

Message me if you want . . . you're going to get through this , it really will get better.

Fresh

March 2, 2015

PM'd you Fresh. Please people please give me some words of hope, I'm checking this thread every hour and hardly anyone has replied. I don't have a single positive moment in my days right now, crying constantly and terrified. Terrified of this continuing and terrified of the thought of going on medication. I'm begging anyone that reads this to reply to me

March 2, 2015

(((((Just))))) you are going to be okay. The chemical anxiety of WD is hideous. Agoraphobia during WD is so common. I am mostly bedridden all day, except to walk my dog in the morning and make a store run every other day. And the panic I feel is horrendous. Its all withdrawal. The people on this forum say it will diminish over time and eventually go away completely. It's a much slower process than any of us thought. Do deep breathing. Stay in bed in the dark as much as you can. Keep eating healthy foods all day to give your brain nutrients. Do what you can but don't push yourself. We are all here for you. ((((Hugs))))

March 3, 2015

Hi just, I hope its ok to shorten your name. I read through your thread, I'm sorry you are going through this and that you haven't been getting a lot of replies, I will try and comment of a few things you have written, I'm not doing so well myself at the moment.

I am convinced that there is something wrong with me medically to be causing all of this ...

Many of us think this, it just seems unbelievable that something prescribed by our doctor can make us feel so ill when we try and come off it, but its true. Lots of members have had all kinds of test done, trying to find other causes and most of the time, the tests come back negative. If you are genuinely concerned that this may be something else, do ask your doctor to do some tests, even if its for your own peace of mind.

Unfortunately I cannot go on prozac again, not even 1mg. After fighting this for 5 months i will view that as weakness on my part, because even though this sucks for me, I can bare it. I just can't justify putting that poison back into my body

I completely understand not wanting to put poison back into your body, but sometimes, and only sometimes, doing just that, for a short while can mean the difference between feeling better and being able to continue functioning in your life and coming off the drug slower, or feeling unwell for a long time and not being able to function in life for an unknown length of time. At 5 months off, there is no guarantee that it would work, but its an option, and for some people a sensible option if being able to function in life, up to a certain standard is important. I don't see it as a weakness, if I had known about reinstatement at 5 months and had the benefit of the information here, I would go back in time and try it, if I could.

Should I be forcing myself to go out? I just don't know what to do.

I think Pugknows already answered this, but I just want to reinforce it. No forcing of anything, only do as much as you are comfortably able to do, reduce stress, treat yourself gently, avoid things which stimulate your nervous system or anything which makes you feel worse.

I'm so terrified reading other people's stories ...

If reading other stories is too frightening at the moment don't do it. Instead you could read through this section:

Recovery from withdrawal success stories

This post contains a calming guided breathing exercise for helping to deal with symptoms.

Keep posting if you find it helps, make notes of your symptoms so that you can keep track of their patterns and see that you are getting better.

You will recover, and we are here to support you as you are getting there.

March 3, 2015

I am so sorry you are suffering so much justwannabefree. I personally have never been able to go the cold turkey route for all the reasons you have described, I know how miserable it is. Reinstatement at a lower dosage of the same AD or a different one does often help folks manage the side effects. I have done this several times, and had to do it just recently with Paxil. I don't look at it defeat, but instead as "taking two steps forward, one step back", still moving forward just more slowly. I am still intent on tapering off Paxil altogether, but I just know that it is going to take me a long time to do it. I just wish that I had realized this a long time ago, but better late than never. But know that it will all eventually pass and you will feel better in time, no one can tell you how long it will be though. I will be praying for relief for you, and hoping that you will find some soon. <<<HUGS>>>

March 4, 2015

I just wanted to say hi and I can totally relate to what your going though as so many others on here. You will get a lot of support here, hang in there, I know easier said than done. I wish I could offer more, but w/d has really done a number on me. Stay strong

March 6, 2015

Hey JW , how are you doing today?

March 6, 2015

Hi Everyone!

Thank you for welcoming me into this group, it means alot to me. I am a 25 year old female and need help in the worst way. I had been on SSRI's for almost 5 years straight and have been off for almost 5 months now (please see my signature for details).

Main reasons I went off were I constantly felt like I was in a dream, couldn't feel love for my husband, and extreme weight gain (80 lbs since I started). I am lost now, a lost soul. I have no idea who I am and if I'm even capable of living in this world without the buffer of medication.

I am scared constantly and have a feeling of impending doom like this is only going to get worse for me. Unfortunately I am very intelligent and am self assessing and ruminating 24/7. My mind HAS to be doing something and no matter how hard I try to divert my attention, whether it be through cleaning, reading, working, etc. the thoughts are always there.

Even if my mind gives me a break, my physical symtoms are so uncomfortable that they are a steady reminder of what I'm going through. This is my entire life. My anxiety and this withdrawal is it for me. It is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night and my first thought in the morning. I do the bare minimum to satisfy my husband and other than that I am nothing and nobody.

My identity has been lost. I have no hobbies, very few friends, and I don't even have a job now. My current symptoms are: Lightheadedness, blurred vision, shortness of breath, derealization, disequilibrium, extreme fatigue, NO MOTIVATION WHATSOEVER, brain fog, plugged ears, full head, internal shaking and hand tremors, depression, anxiety, and the odd panic attack.

I'm also experiencing neuro-emotion in the form of EXTREME irritibility which scares the heck out of me and further exacerbates my harm ocd. It is like a black cloud has decended over me and all I can focus on is the negative. Am I just experiencing all of this because my brain is struggling to balance and absorb serotonin again? Will I ever feel normal, content, and happiness?

I am convinced that there is something wrong with me medically to be causing all of this and had low ferritin (22) and low B-12 (336) the last time I had blood taken (2 weeks ago). Currently taking 500mg Vitamin C a day and 150mg Magnesium Citrate. Any advice is extremely appreciated. Thank you <3

Rest assured, you are not alone! Except for the hand tremors, I have the exact same symptoms as you do. I've been experiencing them for under a year now. I tried Prozac twice and my withdrawal may be due to that and/or Effexor XR. It's almost impossible to describe these horrendous feelings and symptoms to anyone has hasn't experienced it...including doctors and psychiatrists. To be fair, prior to having protracted WD, I never would have understood it had someone talked to me about it. That is, just how awful it is. Withdrawal from these drugs are supposed to last only a few weeks to a month (max.). In fact, ten year ago, I did have withdrawal from Celexa and it DID last only a month or less! How lucky I was back then :angry: Yet, how can these drugs cause so many people so much prolonged harm? And that's really an understatement! The state of psychiatry is in really bad shape. Many people cannot go the ECT or TMS route when these drugs don't work or stop working...which happens in over 40% of the population!!!!

March 7, 2015

Thank you all for your sweet comments, I have been reading here but not commenting on much due to the severity of my symptoms. Yesterday I was sure I would have to go to the hospital. Had a full panic attack for 7 hrs straight, convulsing, couldn't eat, could barely walk I felt so weighted down, constant violent intrusive thoughts. I am a f*<king mess. It feels so real. The terror and the thoughts are like a thick choking fog around me that becomes my reality and my conscious reasoning is nothing but a tiny voice screaming from miles away. It is too powerful. I can't hang on much longer

March 7, 2015

(((((Just))))) You are really suffering right now. Just keep trying to make your little inner voice louder, overpowering the negative voices. Talk outloud to yourself that you will get beyond this current onrush of cr*p in a couple of days, maybe even tomorrow. It happens all the time.

March 7, 2015

Thank you so much (((Pug))) I tried talking out loud to myself today and it actually helped. I know you are struggling so badly right now, it means a lot to me that you are helping on my thread and we both are going to beat this hell on earth. Hang in here with me <3

March 8, 2015

Does anyone else just feel so dead and unmotivated? Like I can't do ANYTHING but lay in bed or on the couch. When im up and walking it feels like weights are attached to my entire body.

March 8, 2015

I hear ya-it sucks <_<

March 8, 2015

Oh my God please let this end. I hate waking up. It's so fricking bleak like there is not a single reason in the world worth me getting out of this bed. The depression is so bad, I NEVER had this in my life till quitting prozac. I can't even cry, I'm just dead inside. Somebody please tell me this is going to get better ????

March 8, 2015

This is ridiculous. I don't know why I bother on this site, am I not worth replying to? Everyone else has tons of replies and I have 29 (12 of which are my own!!) I NEED HELP and advice im dying here. Cold turkey'ed off 10mg prozac 5 months ago. Happened to take 2 ciprofloxacin yesterday for a UTI and am out of my mind today. The scariest place I have ever been to. I didn't even know hell like this could exist. Want to end it.

March 8, 2015

Hey, justwanttobefree, people are here if you ever need to talk. Feel free to PM me anytime. I was in withdrawal from Prozac for a few months so I know a little bit about how you may feel. It does get better over time even though it's hard to hurt for so long.

March 9, 2015

(((((Just))))) I'm so sorry you are suffering like this. You will be better very soon. I've read on this site that many people have shorter withdrawal period coming off Prozac. It doesn't seem as dreadful as many of the other ADs. You feel horrible for a few months, then start feeling better each day. Hang on tight to a pillow, a blanket, a man (optional). Love you.

March 9, 2015

Is reinstating, then tapering, a small dose something you've considered? It may alleviate your WD symptoms.

March 9, 2015

Sorry your feeling bad xx

March 9, 2015

I am 4 months off Prozac and suffering a lot. The worst symptom for me is the electric shocks at night which shock me awake just as I'm falling asleep. Its like my nervous system won't allow for sleep. Not sleeping makes the tingles and anxiety worse and so it deepens the cycle. Melatonin helps, but not with the shocks. No matter how late at night I fall asleep, I always wake up at first light.

JustWantToBeFree - Protracted Prozac Withdrawal

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