justwanttobefree Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Love you pug ❤️ Had another terrible night with only 2 hours of sleep. Really weird disjointed OCD thoughts, words getting stuck in my head and intrusive violent thoughts. So scary ???? Now having severe anxiety today. My husband is overwhelmed because I lean on him so much and my family can't take it anymore. I am lost. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I know you feel lost and alone in this. Please ask hubby to be gentle with you. Tell him you understand how frustrated he is. Tell him you are too. But this takes time to straighten itself out in you. Remind him that you are willing to devote the time it takes to heal and ask him to just be there for you and reassure you, not push you. The more people push you, the tougher the road will be for you. Not a longer road, a rougher ride. You are still healing, in spite of your stressors. Remind yourself that you are going through very typical WD symptoms in common with 98% of us. You are not worse than the rest of us, just WD normal. This might help you accept what's happening and flow with it better. Just accept everything. Don't fight it, like I know your family wants you to. That's what the human race does. We fight things we should just accept and not let bother us. Try and float through the bad times, okay? Pughugs to you. You'll be okay. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I cannot even describe how confused and scattered my thinking is. It makes no sense and I am terrified that I will lose my mind in this. Can people go into psychosis or have a mental breakdown from a coldturkey off an SSRI?!?? It's like I'm not even in reality (although im not hallucinating thank god) Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
btdt Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks so much clearday. I am terrified of RI prozac this far into my WD because it was hell for me to get on it. I am seriously on the edge, I can't take this getting a single bit worse. Not one single bit. I am so terrified of having to go back on meds and suffer even longer or even worse, what if I have treatment resistant depression for good now!? Please God im begging I can't stand this please please please I am so scared my whole life is terrifying now no one can comfort me god PLEASE somebody I need help so badly I can't stand it Hi there fellow Canadian welcome to SA. I can't say I know much about how these drugs work for depression not induced by the drugs themselves as I did not have depression but leg pain as a reason to start taking it. So I will let others talk about that as they know better than I do. This I am curious about: " I am so scared my whole life is terrifying " Did you have this before drugs? I had this after drugs and never had it before drugs. I am just curious. WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Alexander Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Hello, I am just coming up to a year off paroxetine and hitting a bad phase again. Like the previous message, anxiety and tingles preventing sleep and I feel exhausted. Irritability off the scale. Take courage, justwanttobefree and things will improve and just try and be ready for waves of returning torment, but they will pass. You just have to try and be strong. But I am better than a year ago and that was a really bad place when my body just intolerable to live in. Still don't feel comfortable in my body now and find it hard to sit still. Wish I had never taken this rubbish. Prescribed 20mg a day of Seroxat on 2001 August 2013 decided to taper. Reduced by 10mg a week (adjusted over the week small amounts) Stopped completely in April 2014 Brain and body went haywire. Didn't realise it was withdrawal at first. Have not returned to ad's but can't get my life back. Link to comment
SelmaLady Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I have that kind of brain chaos a lot. When its very bad. I beg my husband not to put me "away" and to tell my kids that I love them. I'll say that over and over. He always assures me that I am NOT going to lose my mind, that I am experiencing a jumbled brain system but that the part of me that is sane, will stay sane. And he has always been right. And I have been in some very insane brain places where I can't grab onto anything sane at all. I know how terrifying it is to experience this. But it WILL pass and you will come back to reality in time. I'm so sorry that you have to experience this. Your brain is trying to find a way back to normal functioning. This is its way of getting there. Try to just let it be as best you can. xoxoxo 1971-81 Valium 5mg c/t PAWS 1992- through now Zoloft 25mg 2003-05 Valium 12mg Slow Taper Off 2013 Afrin Exposure to CNS 2013 O/D Val 230mg 2013 Doxepin 50mg Clonidine 2mg Zoloft 25mg 3/15/16 Doxepin 49mg Micro Tapering Zoloft 24.3mg Holding taper 3/15/16 Clonidine mg 0.1 1/2 - Decreasing incrementally. DISCONTINUED 10/9/16 Doxepin 48.9 Zoloft 24.3 Clonidine 01.10 Continuing micro taper on Doxepin. 11/16/16 Doxepin 48mg Zoloft 24.3mg Clonidine 1.30mg 5/4/17 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 24mg Clonidine 1.20mg Micro taper of Doxepin , Clonidine 01/13/19 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 21mg Will start Micro taper of Doxepin 2/19 12/21/21 Doxepin 20 mg ? Reducing using water micro taper--Pulling 24ml from 75ml 12/2121 Zoloft .060 grams by weight--HOLDING (info from post added by CC: On 12/21/21 my dosage was .060grams by weight or 20mg. ) 26 Apr 2022 - Zoloft at -0- Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Btdt: I was never put on antidepressants for depression either, I only suffer with it now that I've quit them :'( Absolutely horrible. As for your other question, no my life was never scary before going on them. I was an outgoing funloving person with a ton of friends. Same as on the medication. Now that I'm off I am a shell, I totally isolate, I hate leaving my house, and I am terrified of what lies ahead. I just can't see this ever getting better. Alexander: Thanks for your comment, I am glad you've seen some improvements. Hopefully your remaining symptoms are on their way out! I will try to be strong but nothing terrifies me more than the feeling I'm losing my mind. All I can think about is how much I love my family and my husband and never getting to experience them again. Them visiting me in a mental hospital. Me overmedicated with antipsychotics and stumbling through life in a daze. I am absolutely terrified. SelmaLady: You are an angel for what you wrote. Out of anyone on this site, after reading your thread I feel like you are one of the only ones that can understand and relate to what I'm trying to say. It is a state of unimaginable terror. I can't even fathom any other symptom being able to touch how distressing it is to lose one's sanity. I feel like I am hanging on by one tip of a fingernail. What you wrote gives me comfort though. Thank you <3 Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 This has been the worst day of my life. Terrified of what tonight and tomorrow brings. I am lost. My mind has given up. I am so confused and detached there is no hope. None. My head is so full, so much pressure, so much fog. Top half feels like it's filled with helium. So exhausted. Please God. Im begging. I am begging you. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
indigo Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 When it's this truly awefull, I know how hard it is to believe it will eventually pass. As you have quoted yourself "Courage is being scared to death, & saddling up anyways." On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds. When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped. May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone. January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe. Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level. Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety. Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3, 875mg Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D. Link to comment
Dane22 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Oh Sara. I Stopped by to check on you. I can say this, I had a nasty wave that lasted too long. It finally passed yesterday. Hop on your surf board and just paddle today. You don't have to be a super hero, save that for tomorrow. Just paddle through the wave. Thinking about you. September 2013. Diagnosed depression/anxiety. Start Prozac 10mg and slowly increase to 40mg. October 2013. Lorazepam 0.5mg prescribed for anxiety after complaining about nervous energy November 2013. prescribed a sleeping pill (name?) for insomnia. took once. ineffective. January to June 2014. psychiatrist agrees to lower dose to 15 mg due to side effects. August 2014 first attempt to quit cold turkey Lasted August 1, 2014 until October 1, 2014 November 2014 second attempt to quit cold turkey lasted Novemember 4, 2014 until Jan 13, 2015 January 2015 3rd attempt to quit cold turkey lasted feb 3, 2015 until feb 23, 2015 March 5, 2015 4th attempt to quit cold turkey. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Had more sleep last night thank god. Got about 5 hours. So detached from husband I can't even hold a conversation, it truly is like he's a stranger. Scares the living daylights out of me. Have a piercing headache in my left temple today, severe anxiety, and nausea. Need reassurance please ???? Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 ((((Just)))) You'll get through today, I promise. Take your day at work slowly and methodically. Love and hugs to you. I know it's tough. You are stronger than you think. Keep telling yourself that. Turn to God and ask for help when it's too much to bear. Praying for you. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Wildflower0214 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I'm really really really sorry you are so sick. Im sorry you are so frightened. Please know you are not alone when you feel desperate. Ok? 2005-Zoloft bad reaction.....2006-Lexepro......2012-Upped Lexepro.......2013-Upped Lexepro......2/2014- Attempted Taper Lexepro...2/2014- Updosed Lexepro.......3/2014-Ativan.....5/2014- CT switch from Lexpro to Effexor..... 5/2014-7/2014-Tapered Ativan from 1mg to .25mg.....6/2014-Bad reaction to Effexor........7/2014- Rapid taper Effexor every other day......7/5/2014- Off Effexor.......7/2014-12/2014 - Ativan .25mg.......12/25/2014 -Taper Ativan by 4% due to paradoxical reaction .24mg...11/18/2015-Taper Ativan 1% CURRENTLY ON: .2376mg Ativan taken in 6 .0396mg doses. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Have made it through another day. Suffered so badly that I was getting ready to say my goodbyes to my husband and family and commit myself. I cannot put into words how brain damaged and confused I was feeling. Thankyou God for ((Pug)) who talked me down for over an hour. Bless you, I am honored to have you as a friend!! I have realized that I cannot panic from these symptoms because it just makes everything worse and doesn't change anything. However it is very hard when all I can do is picture myself in a vegetative state in the psych ward staring at a wall not recognizing my loved ones. Praying for relief tomorrow. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Thankyou Wildflower0214, I will try to hang on to that <3 Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
btdt Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Have made it through another day. Suffered so badly that I was getting ready to say my goodbyes to my husband and family and commit myself. I cannot put into words how brain damaged and confused I was feeling. Thankyou God for ((Pug)) who talked me down for over an hour. Bless you, I am honored to have you as a friend!! I have realized that I cannot panic from these symptoms because it just makes everything worse and doesn't change anything. However it is very hard when all I can do is picture myself in a vegetative state in the psych ward staring at a wall not recognizing my loved ones. Praying for relief tomorrow. If you commit yourself they will likely give you more drugs. If you want to take something and try to taper off slowly you don't need to be committed to do that. I have gone back on meds many times over the years then I did not know about withdrawal... I never knew. I never wanted to go into a psych hosp the idea was the very last resort. If you feel really unsafe and think it is safer then maybe to me it does not seem safe I have never been so have nothing to base that on... I know it makes no sense. It does sound like your having some ugly thoughts that could do with some redirecting if your able if not distraction or meditation may be helpful. I hope your days ahead bring some improvement. peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I know WildFlower, the hospital is my absolute LAST resort. For me to go there means I truly have given up in every sense of the word. That my mind and body need any type of intervention to keep me alive. That the anguish is truly too much for me to bear. Praying to God it never comes to that. Had severe anxiety and harm ocd thoughts this morning but it seems to have passed and the confusion has lessened slightly today. Am on third day of my period so I'm speculating that's why it's been so horrific. Took some vitamin C, 150mg magnesium citrate, and 300mcg methyl b12. Just gotta keep moving forward. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
luv2knit Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 So sorry you are having such a tough time now. All we can do sometimes is take one day at a time (sometimes one minute at a time). It will get better... It just doesn't seem like that's possible right now, but eventually, you will see a little glimpse of daylight! Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
Martina23 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I think this really has something with your period, when my period comes the suicidal thoughts and harm OCD is by me much worse. 05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free- symptoms OCD Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Had a brutal night last night. Nausea, sweating, dizziness, broken sleep, headache, and at 5am my nose started gushing blood. What is going on?! ???? Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
indigo Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 That sounds brutal jwbf. So sorry. Wishing you well. On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds. When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped. May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone. January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe. Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level. Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety. Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3, 875mg Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Thanks indigo I appreciate it xo I am in a place of unimaginable mental anguish and terror. All I can do is just lie here on the couch as my body shakes like a leaf. My brain is tingling in my head, I'm dizzy and confused, and the blackness of this depression is unlike anything I have ever known. I truly feel like this is it for me. I just can't see a person being able to come back from this. I have lost everything, the very essence of myself. Please someone, I need help so badly. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
indigo Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I wish I knew of a safe, supportive place where you could get the help you need to get through this. Do you have anyone there helping you ? On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds. When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped. May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone. January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe. Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level. Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety. Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3, 875mg Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I just read your thread. I feel for you! It's so awful that when we're depressed it just seems like we will stay like this forever and it will never get better. But it will get better!!! You'll look back at this and say "that was an awful time... but I got through this!". Just hang on! And don't feel bad for lying on the couch, and doing nothing, ok? That's where recovering people belong. If you had a broken leg you'd be also on the couch. Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
indigo Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I looked up support for psychiatric drug withdrawal in Alberta on the Mad in America site. I know it's a huge state but I found this group. They have people experienced in helping with this. Here's the link. It has a list of their therapists with their photos. http://associatescounselling.ca/associates-team-lethbridge/ Check them out and consider talking with one of them over the phone. Hope you have a better day. On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds. When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped. May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone. January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe. Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level. Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety. Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3, 875mg Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus ten0275 Posted March 27, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted March 27, 2015 justwanttobefree, hello. All I can do is just lie here on the couch as my body shakes like a leaf. the leaves may be shaking, but have faith in the strength of the overall tree - even if it does not seem abundantly apparent right now. i hope you feel some relief, and very soon. i will keep you in my thoughts. i used to yearn for a safe place to ride out withdrawal when i was at my worst. without proper knowledge about what i was embarking upon, i chose a hospital. they kept me "safe" in the sense that i couldn't wear shoelaces or play a guitar unsupervised, but then they medicated me to oblivion. but i know that yearning for a safe place. i hope that a feeling of calm safety comes to you by some means, whatever they may be. thank you for stopping by my post and introducing yourself and passing on support when i most needed it. it meant a great deal. hang in there. dave 1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞 Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Indigo - Thank you so much for your care and concern. My dad is very caring and supportive but he lives 14 hours away ???? My husband is either loving and supportive or angry frustrated and mean. He means well and loves me but this suffering is way over his head. I have an appointment with a psychologist on Monday so hopefully I can feel like I have a solid liferaft in this. Today seems 20% better then yesterday, & for that I am grateful ???? Laura1981 - You are very sweet and I appreciate you commenting. I am trying to be more gentle with myself and allowing myself the laying around to heal. It's not easy though ???? ten0275 - Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad someone else understands what it is like to not feel safe in any sense. I am terrified constantly. Today is a smidgen better though so I will thank God for that and try to persevere. The hospital is my absolute last resort and as of right now it isn't in the cards. I know they will drug me as they did to you and I will not be heading there unless being heavily drugged is my only option to the alternative. Keep your head up, you are incredibly strong and a ray of light on this site! Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
indigo Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Hope psychologist turns out to be a good life raft. And yes, I'd keep out of hospital if at all possible. On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds. When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped. May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone. January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe. Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level. Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety. Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3, 875mg Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Hey Just, you sound a lot more positive now I'm so glad you are a bit better. I fingers crossed it continues. The situation with the husband sounds a bit tricky if he's starting to be mean. It's totally understandable: it's so hard to see a loved one suffer and not being able to stop the suffering. Is it impacting his life a lot? Can he still go out and do his hobbies occasionally? Do you feel that he's worried 24x7? Maybe he could find a councillor to help him cope, so that he dosen't burn out. Cheers, Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 Hey Laura ???? Yeah I think he's just so frustrated and exhausted. He said last night that we used to have so much fun and be best friends and partners in crime and now he feels like we have nothing in common. He's right. I am totally lost and terrified every minute of every day. I have no idea who I am without the safety net of medication and this withdrawal is all I can talk about. When someone is in desperate helpless despair they don't really feel like going out for dinner or dancing ???? I had quite a decent day yesterday but attempted to have a mojito last night and I think that's why I'm paying hard today. Extreme anxiety, depersonalization, & INTENSE OCD and harm thoughts (not new to me unfortunately, as this is why I was put on meds in the first place). Getting the living **** kicked out of me in this withdrawal. All I keep clinging to is that it's not like I was psychotic before the meds and all I was on was 10mg Prozac when I quit. People have been on higher doses for longer periods and cold turkeyed and lived to tell about it. I'm strong and I will too. I have to believe that. Thank you for caring ❤️ Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Babs Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Just wanted to chime in with some hope ... relentless depression was my major symptom in withdrawal. It went on for a long time (in episodes, though ... I'd be in a dark hole, then more or less normal for a few days, then back to gloom again). When it went away it was pretty much overnight. The episodes just stopped. You are healing every day and it could happen the same way for you. You don't even have to see the light at the end of the tunnel but just know that there IS one and you are working your way towards it. A lot of withdrawal is just hanging on and having faith that it will end. I hope you are doing better today. Paxil 20mg 1994-2005Tried to quit twice, finally did it on my 3rd attempt in 2005. I went from 20mg to zero in about four months, believing at the time that it was a reasonable taper. It wasn't. I suffered mostly emotional symptoms: frequent episodes of "anxious depression" lasting for about 17 months before it got noticeably better. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Hi Babs, thank you so much for the kind words, it gives me hope that there is light at the end of this dark lonely tunnel. My symptoms are changing constantly and luckily I don't have the soul crushing life sucking depression right now. It's more of an eerie emptiness. After doing some reading I think my predominant symptom is depersonalization (or derealization?) now. It feels like I can't participate in real life or communicate with people at all. I'm confused, can't focus, and have poor short term memory. The main symptom is the complete and utter disconnection from my husband (he is the only person im with all the time, my parents and sister live 14 hours away). It is like he is a stranger and I have trouble recognizing him, like he is unfamiliar to me. I struggle with being around him because I used to feel overwhelming happiness and now there is nothing. No joy, no love. Just an eerie sense of unease that I should be feeling something but im not. There is honestly no more disturbing feeling that I can think of. Throw in some intrusive thoughts about killing and im absolutely destroyed. I hate this. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Please somebody. I can't feel love or even affection for my soulmate. He is a stranger. Please somebody tell me this will end Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Hey Just! I have the same: My ability to love seems somehow diminished. I have it on and off. Some hours it's better than others. I try to use the good hours to pour extra love on my darling and in the bad hours I fake. I'm sure it will pass!!!! It's another one of those awful, draining symptoms.... but over time they will all get better. Do you have the issue all the time or is it on and off like with me? I wish you strength!!! Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Thanks Laura, it is absolutely constant for me. The last time I had a 5 second burst of love was 2 weekends ago and I'm with my husband every day. I can't feel ANYTHING positive and he seems so far away like I don't know him. It's terrifying ???? Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 That sounds awful! I feel for you! It's incredible how these meds or their absence can derail the brain transmitters... I hope someone comes along the thread soon and says "I had that, it passed". I'm sure it will pass, hang in there! A 5 second burst is short, but it shows that theoretically it still works... I'll cross all available fingers for you that it gets better very soon! Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
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