justwanttobefree Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Thank you ❤️ I just can't do this anymore. I know this is it for me. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Hold on!!!! It's awful but it will get better. I discovered yesterday that spicy food lifts my headaches. I have them almost nonstop since effexor. It also lifts the brain fog a bit. Do you like spicy food? Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Sorry your feeling so bad..I think this a lot..keep going xx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
indigo Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 This guide to getting off psychiatric drugs has been an invaluable help to me. This is the latest edition. It is very supportive and gentle and emphasises that only YOU know your own mind, sense how much you can take of withdrawal, and there is no shame in backing off and getting whatever you need to carry on. http://www.willhall.net/files/ComingOffPsychDrugsHarmReductGuide2Edonline.pdf On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds. When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped. May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone. January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe. Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level. Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety. Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3, 875mg Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 You rock indigo, im reading it right now. Thank you ❤️ So I just got back from my first appointment with a psychologist today and it was pretty interesting. He pointed out that I was put on these drugs for ocd and anxiety and that's exactly what's happening now. I have worked myself into a frenzy, I obsess about my symptoms and the outcome of this 24/7, and I catastrosize. How can I expect to feel love for my husband when I'm in s black pit of despair? How can I relate to him and connect to him when I'm in a tornado of terror in my mind every second of every day? I have convinced myself that this is the end of my life and that just simply is not the case. I may not be able to control my symptoms but I can damn well control how I react to them. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Purplestars22 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You have gained a lot of perspective during your visit with the psychologist. I like your positive realization on how that you have control on how it will affect you and react to them. The best wishes to you... Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety Failed attempt to stop reinstated 1 year taper skipping doses Celexa free 12/2013 1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only Link to comment
indigo Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Glad you're reading Will Hall's guide. I re-read it whenever I start thinking I'm not withdrawing fast enough or whatever else I've thought up to torment myself. On 20 mg of Prozac for about ten years. Sept 2012 started reducing 10% a drop using gram scale, with average of one month holds. When I'd reached the half way mark, taking 10 mg powder out of the 20 mg capsules, I switched over to 10 mg capsules and cutting down from those. Withdrawals got harder the lower I dropped. May 2013 changed to 5% drops, holding until all withdrawal symptoms gone. January 2015 changed to liquid prozac (concentration of 20MG per 5 mL) using a 1mL oral syringe. Current dose of fluoxetine solution equivalent 3.4 mg. Any effort to drop below this has been disastrous so for the time being I'm staying at this level. Adding 200 mg Tryptophan and 200 GABA a day has helped with anxiety. Also take 1,300mg Omega- 3, 875mg Magnesium, 1800mg Curcumin, 1000mg Vit C, 5000 Vit D. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 This depersonalization is what is going to crack me. I have lost all sense of myself. I have no human connection at all to my loved ones / pets. I am in the deepest bowels of hell screaming and no one can help me. Oh god why. Why this. Please im begging you spare me from this horror, have I not endured enough? I have no idea what is going on. Nothing feels real. If I go back on medication will this go away? Please im begging, I can't do this anymore. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 ((((Just)))) Hugging you. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I hope you'll feel a bit better soon! Keep holding on! The real you will come back! Sending a hug. Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
AliG Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Hi JWTBF, I've read most of your story and can relate to a lot of your symptoms. I also have the rebound depression, severe fatigue, no interest in anything and " couch syndrome". I also relate to your problems with your husband. I've also had windows, along the way , which I'm sure you will get to if you can just keep going forward in whatever way you can. Some days it seems to be if we can just "survive", another minute, another hour , another day - then the next day seems brighter. Because I think now I have had protracted withdrawal over a number of years form going on and off various A/D's, I think I have had lots of windows and waves, which hopefully will eventually turn into one long, never ending window. Hope that helps. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Thanks AliG that was very comforting xoxo. I need advice now please everyone. Should I reinstate a small dose of Prozac (I'm 6 months out) or try a different AD? Keep in mind both Cipralex (Lexapro) and Prozac worked great for me in the past, I came off because of weight gain. I mentally cannot handle this torture another minute. I cannot feel any emotion other than terror and deep sadness. I have lost all sense of who I am. My marriage is in the toilet. Please can a mod or someone help. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 For the love of god someone just tell me I can get through this without being permanently disabled. Tell me that these splitting headaches, this overwhelming fatigue, this sick black depression, this total loss of self is not forever. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted April 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 2, 2015 Just- You will survive this. You will. I went through exactly what you are going through. I had to reinstate. I simply couldn't tolerate it any more. A couple years ago, before I knew what withdrawal was or that that was what I was experiencing I reinstated after about 5 months of being off Prozac. It worked for me, but there are no guarentees. I've heard reinstatement can be somewhat of a crapshoot. If I were you I would reinstate which ever drug you were on last. Don't try and go new. I felt a little worse the first few days after reinstatement but then began to feel better. Give it time. It's not an overnight fix. You'll survive this, and when you feel better you won't understand why you thought you wouldn't. Here's the thread about reinstatement: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-stop-withdrawal-symptoms/ 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
AliG Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Hi Just, sorry you're still struggling. From what I can gather reinstatement can be a gamble. It works for some, but not others. If you do it I understand you have to start very low - like 1mg. Please read the thread about reinstatement. I have thought about it myself but I'm not prepared to risk it , at this stage. Having said that, everyone is different, and you seem to be really suffering at the moment. You will get through this, but it might take some time and patience. Prayers and hugs, Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 3, 2015 Author Share Posted April 3, 2015 Thank you for the advice Addax & AliG. Still not sure if I can bring myself to do it. God this is horrifying, I just wish I knew how much of this I'm bringing on myself. Like I said, I am VERY obsessive and all I do is google about withdrawal and look on this site all day! & when I'm not doing that I'm just worrying about my symptoms. They are SO hard to ignore though like severe depression and loss of sense of self. How am I supposed to ignore these things. I think it's a vicious cycle for me It scares me too how much my brain function is impaired like I'm so confused / brain fogged / brain fatigued all day. Unfortunately I have read on other threads that this can last for years along with the depersonalization / loss of self feeling. I feel so incredibly hopeless like I'm between a rock and a hard place. Reinstate: Put the poison back in my body and pray to god it doesn't go sideways and make me worse -OR- Keep Going: Try to control my thoughts and reprogram my brain to believe that I will get better. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Addax Posted April 3, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 3, 2015 I am VERY obsessive and all I do is google about withdrawal and look on this site all day! & when I'm not doing that I'm just worrying about my symptoms. They are SO hard to ignore though like severe depression and loss of sense of self. How am I supposed to ignore these things. I think it's a vicious cycle for me . I'm pretty well convinced the obsessive thinking/ruminating is withdrawal symptom. Too many people report this going on. I experienced it during acute withdrawal and it's nothing like anything I've ever experienced in my life. The constant dread, hopeless thoughts, endless searching for answers on the web, constantly Talking about it, convinced you won't get better, that you're going to like "this" For years or even forever... It's not you, It's withdrawal. It still amazes me how convinced we become during this experience that we're broken or damaged beyond repair, and that we believe this regardless of the lack of evidence. We believe only the bad and negative things we read, incapable of believing that the positive or successful stories could possibly happen to us... This crazy, horrific thought process is incredibly common in withdrawal... So again, it's not you, you're not broken, it's not permanent, you are experiencing one of the crueler withdrawal symptoms... You are going to be okay. You are. 1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg (with a few stops and starts) Fall 2012: Returned to 40mg after discontinuing and horrid withdrawal Fall 2013: 40mg Fluoxetine, added 150mg Wellbutrin to treat fatigue Winter 2014: Attempting to taper both (too fast) April 2014: 9mg Fluoxetine + 37.5 Wellbutrin Summer 2014: 8 mg Fluoxetine + 0 Wellbutrin (way too fast a drop) Late summer/Early Fall 2014: Debilitating Withdrawal symptoms Fall 2014 - Wellbutrin successfully kicked to the curb but… Oct- Dec 2014: Panicked reinstatement of Fluoxetine ->30mg - held for 5yrs Jan 2021: taper to 20mg Fluoxetine then tapering by 1mg every 2-3 months Fall 2022 - held at 10mg->December 2022: 9mg->Feb 2023: 8mg ->March 2023: brassmonkey slide begins: 7.8mg -> 7.6 -> 7.4->2 week hold (April)->7.2->7mg->6.8->2 week hold->6.6-> 1-month hold ->(June)-6.5->4-week hold-> (July)-6.4 (discontinued brassmonkey slide and slowed taper)-> (Aug)-6.2->(Sept)-6.0->(Oct)-5.9->(Nov)-5.8->(Dec)-5.7->wave!->(Jan)-5.8->(Feb)-6mg and holding. My 2014 withdrawal experience: https://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/ Link to comment
AliG Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Just, I'm the same. Constant googling etc. I agree with Addax- I think It's a withdrawal symptom. I can really relate to your symptoms. Hopefully it will settle down for both of us. I totally understand your anxiety with reinstatement. I'm going through the same thing. So totally confused. I hear so many contradicting outcomes. Anyway, I hope you work it out. Prayers and hugs . Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 Addax & AliG you guys are angels for your replies, my deepest gratitude for your reassurance ❤️ I had the strangest thing happen after my last post, I ate a little bowl of spicy thai curry on rice (all I had eaten all day was a handful of grapes, the nausea was overwhelming) and within an hour I felt 80% better. Talk about a window. & yesterday I was 80% better as well! Today I feel quite tired again, brain fog, lack of motivation, and some intrusive thoughts but still not nearly as bad as it was. Oh please God let me be turning a corner. I read EMT1's thread and it gave me such hope as she was on prozac as well. There is really something to be said for the mindset in all this chaos! Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Laura1981 Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Thats so amazing JustWantToBeFree! Good to hear you're starting to feel better. For me, spicy food helps too. I read that part of our suffering is because the chemical chaos in our brains causes a lack of dopamine. Eating spicy food like curries supposedly releases dopamine. I do it each time I get headaches now. Not sure it's placebo or real, but it works. Anyway, so glad to hear you're starting to have good moments. Sending a hug. Laura Feb 2015 Took venlafaxine for 5 days only... experienced withdrawal that made me completely non-functional Mar 2015 took under 1mg of Sertraline for 10 days in an attempt to combat Venlafaxine withdrawal. Got adverse reactions. After stopping Sertraline, withdrawal got much worse. New, horrific symptoms. June 2015 Still non-functional but slowly getting better. Still brain zaps, migraines, sweating, heart racing, depression, crying spells September 2015: 24/7 brain zaps, twitches in the face, no concentration, bad memory, language skills deteriorating. Profile feed: http://goo.gl/3g2GRn Sign this petition for a blackbox warning on Prozac in Ireland: https://www.change.org/p/leo-varadakar-hpra-the-lack-of-a-blackbox-warning-on-prozac-in-ireland-and-its-use-by-the-hse-in-under-18-s?recruiter=63289046&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_for_starters_page&utm_term=des-lg-no_src-no_msg Link to comment
AliG Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 Hi Just WTBF, I'm so pleased that you're doing much better. That is such a positive sign !! I think it's great that you saw the Psych, who helped you re- frame your thoughts. I catastrophise , as well, so I understand. Keep up with the curry, if that's working. I've got to run, but I just wanted to check in . Thanks so much, for the lovely things you said , on my thread. It means so much . Keep thinking good thoughts and I know things will turn around. Best wishes, Ali Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Thanks for your support ladies, it means so much to me ❤️ Well after a few good days I have been hit with severe unrelenting anxiety. My god is it powerful. The feeling of impending darkness is unlike anything I've ever experienced and im shaking 24/7. It's totally in my mind though, physically I just have cortisol surges every few minutes. When is this nightmare going to end? Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 It's going to end soon, Just. Hugs to you. We are almost there. Keep believing and it will happen. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 This is so bad. I'm a few days into my 7th month now and my symptoms are changing almost daily. Debilitating anxiety, anhedonia, depression, neuro-fear, neuro-anger, intrusive thoughts, forehead tingling, splitting headaches in my temples, extreme light sensitivity, and now today I have full facial numbness especially around my mouth. It feels like it's drooping and my speech is slurred. What have I done to myself. I never should have gone off this poison, I never should have started it. I didn't know God, I didn't know. Please don't punish me like this, I'm a good person. I would do anything for anyone. I have a good heart. I have a beautiful family and a loving husband. Please don't condemn me to this agony. I simply don't have any fight left. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 ((((Just)))). Hang on sweetheart. Hang on. January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 I'm trying pug. Clinging with the tips of my fingernails now. When is this torture going to end? Every morning I wake up praying it'll be better and it just isn't. My soul is being ripped from me. Woke up with excruciating head pressure last night and have yet another headache today. Anxiety through the roof, feelings of terror and darkness. I just can't see this getting better. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 Facial numbness and slurred speech have subsided thank god but more mental symptoms have taken their place. Had a full on panic attack today. Repeated intrusive thoughts of losing control of myself, screaming obscenities, punching people. Truly feel out of control, can withdrawal make me do things that I don't want to do? Can it make me psychotic? Why does no one answer me, I keep checking and it hurts that hardly anyone ever talks to me. I'm so sorry I can't write on your threads much I am just so destroyed. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 Plus I keep losing my hearing in alternate ears atleast once every couple hours for like 20 seconds. I can't even fathom this. Somebody tell me I'm through the worst of it, I just entered my 7th month. Please Im begging Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
direstraits Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 sorry you're suffering so much,just-I wish I could help you some how these thoughts can't hurt you-you have to let them float by & know they aren't you can you try CBT? maybe that will help ....yoga,meditation it will get better ....you're young went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
SelmaLady Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 ((Just)) I have had horrible thoughts too--they are VERY common in withdrawal/serotonin dysregulation. No, they can't make you do anything. They are tortuous though and surely are convincing that you are losing your mind. The facial numbness is also part of the neuro upset but it can be frightening. Good at least that's left. Our systems are so very revved up and we can experience so many scary and tormenting things. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I so understand when you say that you didn't know this would happen and that you have a husband and family that you love and want to be "yourself" for them. I want you to know that these awful thoughts will go away at some point == it's the getting through this part of a recovery that is hideous. I am doing much better with those kinds of thots and am so grateful to have a least some bit of sanity. Try to see these awful thots as sepatate from who you are, and that they are temporary. Am thinking about you and praying for you. Hang on. You'll get through this. xoxo 1971-81 Valium 5mg c/t PAWS 1992- through now Zoloft 25mg 2003-05 Valium 12mg Slow Taper Off 2013 Afrin Exposure to CNS 2013 O/D Val 230mg 2013 Doxepin 50mg Clonidine 2mg Zoloft 25mg 3/15/16 Doxepin 49mg Micro Tapering Zoloft 24.3mg Holding taper 3/15/16 Clonidine mg 0.1 1/2 - Decreasing incrementally. DISCONTINUED 10/9/16 Doxepin 48.9 Zoloft 24.3 Clonidine 01.10 Continuing micro taper on Doxepin. 11/16/16 Doxepin 48mg Zoloft 24.3mg Clonidine 1.30mg 5/4/17 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 24mg Clonidine 1.20mg Micro taper of Doxepin , Clonidine 01/13/19 Doxepin 45mg Zoloft 21mg Will start Micro taper of Doxepin 2/19 12/21/21 Doxepin 20 mg ? Reducing using water micro taper--Pulling 24ml from 75ml 12/2121 Zoloft .060 grams by weight--HOLDING (info from post added by CC: On 12/21/21 my dosage was .060grams by weight or 20mg. ) 26 Apr 2022 - Zoloft at -0- Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thanks direstraits for the comment Yes I am working hard at CBT, I need to get my negative dark thoughts under control. It's so hard to utilize the skills I'm learning though because my mind is so scrambled and fogged Selma thank you so much for checking on my thread, it means a lot to me as you are someone I really look up to <3 I can relate to a lot of your symptoms and your words give me immense reassurance. I just want to be better so incredibly badly. I miss feeling happiness and love SO badly my heart just aches with the emptiness. Will this depression ever release me from it's grasp? I WAS NEVER DEPRESSED IN MY LIFE BEFORE THESE F*$&ING DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
pug Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Hello, I have read your thread (I need to start my own) and I am feeling for you, as I have been cold turkey since November of 2014. A book I have found greatly helpful is, Mindfulness: an Eight week plan for finding peace in a frantic world, by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. One of the quotes from the book that I carry with me and read often is: "...you are gently reminding yourself that your current state of mind is not a solid fact, but is instead governed by interlinked thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and impulses to act. These can, and do, ebb and flow, and you can become aware of them as they do so." This quote helps me to realize that how I feel this very moment is not going to last forever, it will change, as all things do. Just knowing this makes me feel better, that feeling like crap is not my permanent reality, and that gives me hope. You need hope and I am telling you that it is there, just take it moment by moment through the worst of it; and don't forget to acknowledge the minute here or minute there when you feel some relief. That means that the crap part is not permanent. All the best to you. 20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014 Found this forum the last day of 2014 The secret is to keep going! Time will heal. Link to comment
shelby Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I know exactly how you feel. There is never any peace.I never feel "safe". Constant terror. But people say it gets better... 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
shelby Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 I'm not sure if you are religious or what your faith is but this helped me tonight Isaiah 54: 7-8 I think many people wonder where God is during all this. I know I have... but He's there 40 year old male - First panic attack in May 2012 May 2012 Atenolol (beta blocker)25mg, Ativan 2mg August 2012 Rapid taper ativan, started zoloft 25mg Dec 2012... rapid taper zoloft, January 2013 Xanax 1mg for 1 month February 2013 Klonopin 1mg April 2013 to May 2013 Rapid Taper Klonopin to 0.5mg June 10th 2013 jumped from 0.5 Kpin and Atenolol 25mg July 2013 two days of Ativan 1mg b/c of hospital visit September 2013 started Effexor 75mg (this was a mistake i think) July 2014 to October 2014 tapered off Effexor... July 2015 - Reinstated zoloft 50mg Link to comment
AliG Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thinking of you, Just. Hoping you get through this wave. You are not alone. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
justwanttobefree Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 Thank you pug, shelby, & aliG. Your words have helped me a lot. I am reading your posts over every few minutes. I think what scares me is I don't even know if I'm in a wave or a window right now. The physical symptoms have eased (headaches, facial numbness, cortisol/panic etc.) but i wake up every day with the feelings of doom and it doesn't lift. This dark black depression just doesn't budge but it's not the severe chemical suicidal depression I had before. Am I in a window because the other symptoms have lifted or a wave because I still feel terrible and hopeless? I just need to know that this is going to go away. I could be strong if I knew that one day I would feel joy with the warmth of the sun on my face again, and feel peace and contentment when my husband kisses me, and wake up looking forward to the day. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face, I've just never felt so alone and so hopeless. Diagnosed: Pure O Ocd, Severe Anxiety Disorder NOS, PMDD November 2009 - May 2013- CIPRALEX 20mg C/T off 20mg Cipralex Went into dark depression (never experienced before med) September 2013 - March 2014- PROZAC 20mg Weaned down to 10mg and held October 1st 2014 C/T off 10mg Prozac Protracted withdrawal - 8 months of the most horrific suffering imaginable June 1st 2015 - ZOLOFT 25mg June 26th 2015 - Dose increase to 50mg of Zoloft (taken at night after dinner). Slowly improving but still have severe OCD/ruminating, intense DP/DR, and brain fog. Just trying to stabilize at this point. Link to comment
Recommended Posts