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Fresh's Fractured Fairytale: How Much Can a Koala Bear?

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Fresh

Once upon a time ,  in a land far, far away 

 

lived a little girl called Fresh.     She lived with her mummy and daddy and big sister and their dog.    She was bright , sensitive ,

creative , a gymnast.    Her parents were well meaning (if not a little dysfunctional) and Fresh had a stable life and opportunities

to try many different things.

 

Her teen years were challenging , but Fresh finished high school and went on to complete a university degree. 

 

At the end of university , Fresh felt lost.   She had broken up with her long-term boyfriend , had no permanent employment or

income ,  was applying for jobs  and living in a friend's spare room.   Her doctor suggested she had a depressive illness and should try an antidepressant.

This was a terrific solution!    Fresh felt a lot better very quickly , and continued her career path and her journey as a young woman.

 

Fast forward twenty-five years , and Fresh was a mess (see my sig.) (yes , I am Fresh :D).

 

In September 2012 , I decided to start tapering from 120mg of Cymbalta.   

I intended to go from 120mg to 90mg , i.e. one 60mg tab. and one 30mg tab.   After a week or so at 90mg , I accidentally forgot to

put the 60mg tabs out for a few weeks , and realized later I had been taking only 30mg.   I wasn't in a good space at all.    But I figured I had been through the worst of it , so I'd just stay on 30mg.   Bad idea.

 

I started seeing Dr. Lucire in March 2014.    I followed her advice and continued tapering at 2mg per week over 12 weeks. My last

dose of Cymbalta was July 21 , 2014.

 

This first video was taken six months after my last dose , the first time the akathisia hit me like a mack truck.

 

http://youtu.be/0_1e0BIQVyc

 

The second video was taken around seven weeks after the first.  I like to call it "Akathisia 101".

 

http://youtu.be/4H-oYvsjA1A

 

I stuck it out until May at home.    I had been housebound and terrified for months , and believed I could never get better from

this , this is how I would be for the rest of my life.

 

These days I'm happy to say I survived that experience , and am doing pretty well.


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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ten0275

Fresh, hey.

 

i'd say welcome, but you've been here for some time - lending much support and kindness to the site, i might add. thank you for posting your story. i've wondered about it, having patched together bits and pieces from things you have written around this site.

 

the videos are a good idea. now i see why you were seeking the technical assitance to bring them to fruition. i could not get the first one to play for me, but the second was fully operable and it made me cry to see it. i am so entirely sorry you've suffered as you have.

 

however as you ended your introduction, you truly are a survivor and it is so wonderful to know you are doing "pretty well" now.

 

hang in there Fresh, and thanks again for your continued presence and for sharing your journey as you have.

 

dave


1996 - .5mg Ativan as needed, 7.5mg Remeron daily2008 - .5mg Xanax, Ativan discontinued, Remeron continued2012 - .5mg Xanax, .25mg Ativan 3x daily, Remeron continued2/2012 - Jumped from Remeron, continued .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily4/2012 - Began rapid taper of .5mg Xanax .25mg Ativan 3x daily6/2012 - Jumped from Xanax and Ativan, voluntary hospitalization followed7/2012 - 2nd voluntary hospitalization, reinstated Remeron, bumped to 30mg, also given risperidone.8/2012 - discontinued risperidone, tried gabapentin, dicontinued gabapentin, Remeron 30mg continued10/2012 to current - tapered Remeron 10% every 4 to 6 weeks (sometimes more time) using liquid compound12/2014 - 2mg Remeron 1/16/2015 - 1.9mg Remeron 8/1/2015 -1.6mg Remeron - 03/1/2016 - 1.5mg Remeron - 1/2/2017 1.3mg - 5/7/2017 1.2mg - 5/13/2017 - syringe size change - 6/8/2017 - 1.1mg - 7/10/2017 - 1mg - 9/1/2017 - 0.9mg - 10/22/2017 - 0.8mg - 11/22/2017 - 0.7mg - 2/2/2018 - 0.6mg - 3/13/2018 - new compound pharmacy - 5/20/2018 - 0.5mg - 8/31/2018 - 0.4mg - 11/16/2018 - 0.3mg - 12/24/2018 - 0.2mg - 4/1/2019 - 0.1mg - 5/1/2019 - .05mg - 0mg achieved 2019-06-15. 🤞

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Fresh

Thankyou ten , brother Dave.    There is a problem with the first video , but I'll get onto it tomorrow.  

Today I've had all the technological challenges I can take for one day.

 

:)


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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AmyK

Oh Fresh, I am so sorry you have suffered like this. It's almost unbearable to watch. It must have been pure horror to be living it! I am so so glad that you are in a better place now.

Lots of love.


Current dose: 0! Free!  Quit June 2017.

 

2017: Last dose zoloft: 17 June 0,00065 mg 18 May 0, 001 mg 14 May 0,002 mg 9 May 0,003 mg 28 April 0,006 mg 19 April 0,009 mg 8 April 0,013 mg 25 March 0,019 mg 22 March 0,039 mg 18 March 0,052 mg 16 March 0,079 mg 4 March 0,086 1 March 0,099 mg 22 February 0,11 mg 15 February 0,13 mg 6 February 0,145 mg 24 January 0,15 mg 19 January 0,19 mg 10 January 0,20 mg 3 January

 

2016: 0,98 to 0,22 mg

2015: 2,35 to 1,01 mg

2014: 4,9 to 2,5 mg

2013: 9,1 to 5,1 mg

2012: 15,7 to 9,7 mg

2011: Started on 25 mg - then 50 mg- dropped to 25- to 12.5 mg - back to 25 mg - after 18.75 mg started tiny tapering to 16.6 mg

 

Started on 25 mg Zoloft in March 2011 due to stressrelated tinnitus that gave me panicattacks. Had a terrible reaction to Zoloft from start, but was told to "hold on". After four months I was stuck. Therefore the long taper. Crazy, I know... Super sensitive to drops and have dropped by 4-6 % from the previous dose.

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ardyes

Hi fresh. Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants :)

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Addax

Oh Fresh :-( Like Dave, the 2nd video brought tears to my eyes. It made me so sad. It also made me so very angry for you. I am sorry you had to endure that horror. I'm sorry any of us do...

 

I'm glad you're at least doing "pretty well" at this point. What a journey it is just to get there!

 

I look forward to reading of your continued improvement.


1988-2012: Prozac @ 60mg to treat an eating disorder. Several unsuccessful attempts to discontinue.Fall 2012: Failed attempt to discontinue then -> 40mg Prozac and added 150mg Wellbutrin.Late summer 2013:Began slower Prozac taper.Spring 2014:Got to 10mg Prozac, 75mg of Wellbutrin -April 2014: 9mg Prozac & 37.5mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 9mg Prozac & 25 mg Wellbutrin 2x/day->9mg Prozac 1x/day & ~8mg Wellbutrin 2x/day -> 8.1mg Prozac, 0 WellbutrinSept '14: 8.1mg Prozac -> crashed hardOct '14: 10mg ProzacNov '14: 20mg -> 30mgDec '14: 30mg, Feb 10: 27mg. Mar 7: 25mg Mar 21, 2015: 20mg. May 21, 2016: 20mg and holding strong.

 

My experience: http://rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-a-prozac-story/

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Rhiannon

I'm so sorry for what you've been through, for the hell that brought you here. And so glad you're doing better now.

 

Please keep that Pristiq taper slow and careful! We'll be here with you this time around.


Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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btdt

" 2010-2012 Cymbalta  120mg

Sept. 2012  -decreased 90mg in 6months - too fast. Didn't know any better.   Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months.                          "

I have watched videos by a Dr Lucrie... is this the same doctor?  Dr.Yolande Lucire that is her... she did not know of the 10% taper wait... to stablize?  Sorry I am just surprised to see this. 

 

If you still have her I hope there has been some discussion with her about the rate of taper and the guidelines here.  Getting one doctor involved can change thing for the better for a  lot of her other patients. 

 

No matter what the rates on any taper program say the real proof is in how you feel with delayed withdrawal this is still tricky... at least a month is a good idea for a wait time I would suggest waiting even longer.... maybe 2 months.  See how you feel and go from there. 

I wish you peace


WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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Altostrata

Thank you for posting this, Fresh. I am sorry you've had to go through this.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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dalsaan

 

Hi Fresh,

 

No one should have to go through what you and others have. I'm sorry for your suffering. You are a survivor and I'm glad you have the SA community.

 

Thanks for welcoming and supporting others

 

Dalsaan


Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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Petunia

I'm sorry for everything you've been through Fresh and glad you now have an introduction where you can share your ongoing journey and receive some support for yourself.

 

Thank you for making the video while going through such a difficult time, I have no idea how you managed it, and thank you for sharing it.  Its good for people to be able to see what akathisia can look like.  Its frightening what these drugs can reduce functioning people to, I'm so glad you made it through.

 

Like Rhi wrote, please be extra careful with your pristiq taper.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Fresh

Lol  ,  no wuckin' furries about tapering cautiously . . . I never want to go back to that space.   For me ,it's just not worth risking

for the ideal of being med. free.

 

xxx


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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Songbird

Lol  ,  no wuckin' furries about tapering cautiously . . . I never want to go back to that space.   For me ,it's just not worth risking

for the ideal of being med. free.

 

I think you are very brave to make and post a video.  It reminded me very much of my crash in 2008.  A lot of the same symptoms.  It was the most horrific torture and I never want to go back there either, which is why I'm doing such an extremely slow taper.  I'm glad you are feeling better these days.


2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 July 2.9mg

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peggy

nice to meet you Fresh!


Started in 2000 - On 150mg most of the time, (but up to 225mg at highest dose for 6 months in the beginning)
Reduced off easily first time - but got depressed (not too much anxiety) 6 months later
Back on effexor for another 9 months.
Reduced off again with no immediate w/d - suddenly got depressed and anxious ++ again 3 or 4 months later.
Back on effexor - this time for 3 years
Reduced off over a month - 6 weeks later terrible anxiety - back on.
Rinse and repeat 4 more times - each time the period before the anxiety comes back got shorter and shorter
Jan - July 2012 75mg down to 37.5mg;, 8/3/12 - 35mg. 8/25/12 - 32mg. 9/11- 28mg, 10/2 - 25mg, 10/29 - 22mg, 11/19 - 19.8mg; 12/11 - 17m,
1/1- 15.5mg; 1/22 -14mg, 2/7 14.9mg, 2/18 - 17.8mg - crashed big time: back to 75mg where i sat for 2 years....

4th  March 2015 - 67.5mg;   31st March - 60mg;  24th April - 53mg; 13th May - 48mg; 26th May - 45mg;  9th June - 41mg; 1 July- 37.5mg; 20 July - 34mg; 11 August - 31mg; 1st Sept - 28mg;  1st Dec - 25.8mg;  28th Dec - 23.2mg; 23rd Jan-21.9mg; Feb 7th- 21mg; March 1st - 20.1mg, March 30th - 18mg

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KarenB

I'm so so sorry you were given that trauma :(.  I've been sitting at my computer stunned.  I hardly know what to write.  Whoever makes and still distributes those drugs should be in prison.  And here you are now giving us all so much of your time and love and kindness. 

 

I hope you get so much love and kindness back.

 

Love from Karen


2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

My story of healing:ContinuedHealing

***I am not a doctor; please do your own research and be able to take responsibility for decisions you make.*** 

           'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Fuhgetabouddit

Bless your heart for having to go through that. I never had akathisia, but when you let go of the chair, that's EXACTLY how I walked for quite some time and am still a bit uncoordinated but it's better. I felt I was stumbling drunk and literally could barely put one foot in front of the other.

 

I am so glad you are better!


1997, 10mg Zoloft, c/t after week, no problems; 1997 lexapro, c/t after week, no problems. 2004 synthroid 88 mcg, Armour thyroid 30 mg. current-synthroid 50 mg, armour thyroid 60 mg. August 2014 4 mg betamethasone inj, rocephin inj, bactrim ds 180/750, epipen inj, 3 mg Albuterol inhaled, benadryl as box instructed for less than 72 hour period, 75 mg effexor, quit after one dose

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AliG

Fresh, you are an inspiration!!    I'm confused though. This story , on here was yesterday. Have you not shared this before?  I have been searching for your thread , and only found this today.   I watched the second video as the first didn't work and I am without words . You are a very courageous lady and I feel  honored to kind of

know you.  Thank you for welcoming me , as a newbie to this wonderful community of survivors.   I am so pleased you are getting better. 


Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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LoveandLight

Yes you are an inspiration and I'm sorry for what you've had to go through x


2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Meimeiquest

I am so sorry and so admiring, too. Thank you for making and posting this.


1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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Fresh

WOW , thankyou so much to everyone for such kind and comforting words.    It's been quite the journey for me to get to a point where I could finally do an introduction.

 

I found this site in January 2014 , six months into my withdrawal.    I read a few things , and signed up.  Within half an hour I was messaging Alto asking

to change my screen name.  I was worried some people may find the one I first had presumptuous or disrespectful.

Shortly after that I couldn't go on a computer any more , until June.   

Somehow , I found my way back in January this year , and started posting in Feb.      I've been very ambivalent about what I wanted to put in my intro , how much I wanted to disclose.

Since yesterday , I've felt like a gay person must when they "come out".    I've opened up about my struggle over the past 25 years.    I've divulged my biggest secret.

And I have a tremendous sense of peace about it.    So thanks again for helping me feel I made a good decision.

 

As far as being "pretty good" now , compared to when I was sick I'm doing freaking awesome!!   

I'm doing new things again , like yoga , volunteering in a soup kitchen  , posting videos on youtube , lol.    And I'm enjoying the process , and taking

things in my stride.

 

The Dr Lucire who took over my care in 2013 is the same Yolande (Yola) Lucire as in the video on her page here in "In The Media".    She has a caseload of

900 patients that have informed her practise with regard to tapering.

We have an ongoing dialogue in regard to my experience , and she is totally open to any new input that helps her to help people the best way.

 

I did notice on her website that she has included Survivingantidepressants.org  in her links/resources page.    Well , not just included it - it's number one at the top

of the list.

I must ask her if she's emailed any other specialists about this site yet  ;).

 

Yola went over and above what anyone could ever expect in her care of me.    She's an old high school friend of my mum , and from the first time I saw her in 2013,

she said I could come to her home any time I wanted , just ring first. 

One day in January , she was particularly worried that I was going to hurt myself , after my mother relayed something I had said.    So the two of them turned

up at my place unannounced. When I didn't answer the buzzer , they came around the back and broke through two fences to come in the back door.  I was out , had 

taken my dog to the park.     Next thing , Yola texts me saying that if I did not ring her she would go to the police.

I understood that meant she was prepared to have me scheduled under the Mental Health Act , by the police.

I was absolutely furious at the time , but we got past it , and I have a tonne of respect for her now.

 

She had me try a heap of medications in the hope of stopping the akathisia  -  codeine , valium , normison , tetrabenazine (suggested by a neurologist she brought to my home) , Xanax , reinstating Cymbalta (smidge method) , endone ,  propanalol ,  cetapress , magnesium , and melatonin.  

Nothing helped , and on 24 March I stopped everything.

Three days later the akathisia went to a whole other level , way way up there.

 

 

Today's Song of the Day is "I Am What I Am" , on songlyrics.com

 

I am what I am , I am my own special creation.

So , come take a look , give me the hook , or the ovation

It's my world that I want to have a little pride in.

My world , and it's not a place I have to hide in.

Life's not worth a damn , till you can say "Hey world,

I am what I am"

 

I am what I am , I don't want praise , I don't want pity.

I bang my own drum , some think it's noise , I think it's pretty.

And , so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle?

Why not try to see things from a different angle?

Your life is a sham till you can shout out "I am what I am".

 

I am what I am , and what I am needs no excuses.

I deal my own deck , sometimes the ace , sometimes the deuces.

It's one life and there's no return and no deposit.

One life , so you'd better like what's in your closet.

Life's not worth a damn , till you can shout out  I  AM  WHAT  I  AM.

 

 

 Fresh    :blush:


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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calithebold

Hi Fresh

 

I have been unable to watch your video because I am too scared because of all the drugs I am on and how long my journey is going to be, it feels so overwhelming to me right now. I don't want to get freaked out or overwhelmed but I can see how it's affected others and I think you are so very brave. How you going down there in Sydney? I'm in Brisbane. I have been up for a while now, I don't much sleep past three something these days. I want to thank you so much too for stopping by my thread. So you're an ex-gymnast, cool, my favourite sport, I did trampolining, though didn't progress too high in the levels as my parents moved away in the country, I just used to scary the living daylights out of them on my own trampoline without a spotter, lol. I hope you have a peaceful day and I promise that one day I will watch the video you put up, when I'm stronger :)


All medications::

Xanax (1995-96), Aropax (1995-96), Mellaril (1997-2000), Efexor (1997-2002), Seroquel (2000-now), Lithium Carbonate (2000-now), Avanza (2002-05), Epilim (2005), Seroquel-XR (2000-now), Zyprexa (2002-14), Raberprazole (2000-now prn), Crestor (2009-15), Gabapentin (2009-12), Lamictal (2010-now), Abilify (2011-now) Lyrica (2012-now), Diazepam (2010-now prn), Saphris (2014), Respiridone (2014), Chlorpromazine (2014) Neulatil (07/2016)

 

Current medications:

Lithium Carbonate 750mg; Seroquel-XR 600mg800mg 04/16, 600mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 200mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 500mg 04/16; Lamictal 250mg 200mg150mg 04/16; Lyrica 300mg; Abilify 20mg 30mg 11/15 Zoloft 25mg 04/16 ceased after a week due to severe suicidal thoughts; Seroquel 25mg prn; Diazepam 40mg CT Jan 2013, 5mg occasionally, (massive med changes in April 2016 due to a hospital admission).

 

SupplementsFish oil 4000mgMagnesium 100mg Niacinamide 1000mgSlippery Elm 800mg , B12 1000mcg, Zinc 50mg, B6 100mg, Vitamin D 2000IU, Calcium 1200mgP5P 100mg, Vitamin C 2000mg, Vitamin E 400IU

 

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Meimeiquest

So how much can a koala bear? More than you could imagine!


1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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westcoast

Fresh, that was a great story and it was brave of you to post your videos. Both of them played for me. Thank you.


2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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Broken

Hi Fresh finally managed to get your videos to work. I'm happy this was you then and not now, glad you're feeling much more like yourself again.

 

Unpleasant to watch.

 

Second video was the loneliest game of musical chair I've ever seen, but with one competitor you were always going to win in the end!

 

I've been there countless times pacing up and down and sobbing uncontrollably, not a pretty sight.

 

Withdrawal is unbearable and unpredictable, your incredibly strong to have come through it and with your warm, friendly and supportive personality intact.

 

I'm proud of you as I'm sure you are of your own achievement.

 

Thank you.


December 2008 Prescribed 20mg citalopram (celexa) for depression and OCD.July 2013 stopped taking citalopram (celexa). November 2013 reinstated citalopram (celexa) following replapse at 20mg for 4 weeks, 40mg for 4 weeks and tapered off over 4 weeks as my condition had deteriorated. February 2014 started 20mg of fluoxetine (prozac). Didn't tolerate it and stopped 4 weeks later, experienced no withdrawal. May 2014 started 25mg of sertraline (zoloft), increased to 50mg after 1 week. Remained at 50mg for 4 weeks before increasing to 100mg at the request of my psychiatrist despite advising of suicidal ideation for an additional week before stopping. Advised to drop to 50mg for 3 days before withdrawing altogether. I did as advised and horrendous withdrawal ensued. 11th August 2014 commenced escitalopram (lexapro), weaned off end of October 2014. Commenced Clonazepam December 2014 0.5mg twice daily, switched to Diazepam 10mg twice daily with a view to tapering of the benzodiazepine altogether. Tapering schedule presently at a reduction of 1mg of Diazepam every 1-2 weeks depending upon side effects. So far experienced no severe physical side effects except worsening of PGAD symptoms upon reduction which does seem to improve within a few days of doing so. Presently taking no antidepressants however still experiencing mild agitation, severe depression and PGAD which is currently being treated by a physiotherapist.

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Broken

How much can a koala bear? It can bear all day everyday regardless of what it's faced with. It is afterall a bear!


December 2008 Prescribed 20mg citalopram (celexa) for depression and OCD.July 2013 stopped taking citalopram (celexa). November 2013 reinstated citalopram (celexa) following replapse at 20mg for 4 weeks, 40mg for 4 weeks and tapered off over 4 weeks as my condition had deteriorated. February 2014 started 20mg of fluoxetine (prozac). Didn't tolerate it and stopped 4 weeks later, experienced no withdrawal. May 2014 started 25mg of sertraline (zoloft), increased to 50mg after 1 week. Remained at 50mg for 4 weeks before increasing to 100mg at the request of my psychiatrist despite advising of suicidal ideation for an additional week before stopping. Advised to drop to 50mg for 3 days before withdrawing altogether. I did as advised and horrendous withdrawal ensued. 11th August 2014 commenced escitalopram (lexapro), weaned off end of October 2014. Commenced Clonazepam December 2014 0.5mg twice daily, switched to Diazepam 10mg twice daily with a view to tapering of the benzodiazepine altogether. Tapering schedule presently at a reduction of 1mg of Diazepam every 1-2 weeks depending upon side effects. So far experienced no severe physical side effects except worsening of PGAD symptoms upon reduction which does seem to improve within a few days of doing so. Presently taking no antidepressants however still experiencing mild agitation, severe depression and PGAD which is currently being treated by a physiotherapist.

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Fresh

Cali , thankyou for your comments , and for honouring yourself by NOT watching anything that makes you more nervous at this time.   That would be my advice to

anyone  in  withdrawal  -  don't  push  yourself  any more  than  you're  comfortable  with  ,  be  gentle.

 

Meimei , westcoast , I appreciate your input.   I survived more than I ever would have thought possible.     I started a spiritual journey in 2004 , and I was riding on faith throughout my withdrawal.   It was out of my hands after a point.  I surrendered to the Divine Mother  because there was nothing else I could do.  On one level I was incredulous that this was actually even happening . . . that my life had come to this.    I've believed for many years that I had a lot of bad karma to burn off from previous lives.

It was the only explanation that made sense.   I'm not a bad person and haven't done anything to deserve this this time round. 

 

Broken , thankyou for the belly laugh.   

I was in a good position to win that game , you'd think.    But I couldn't win , because when the music stopped I couldn't sit down!    So I rode it out , half an hour at a time.


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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ang

Well done.  The one photo I threw away, was me in the Mother and Baby ward in a mental hospital after a horrible reaction to a damn valium.. The picture said it all.. I was thin, exhausted, and with the psych of mother and baby ward.  So weird that when I originally got there that they didn't believe I had a baby.... so immediately put me on antipsychotics..

 

three weeks of lab rat hell.....sent home drug free, with absolutely no backup.....  (there are no such thing as withdrawals?)...........

 

After watching your video, I wish I had that picture to share.....  I now think I should photograph myself, in all my filth, just to show my progression on the path back to health.

 

Thankyou for sharing.


1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression.  Serotonin syndrome, oh yes!  seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol.

Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly)  pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby).  98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.
2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout....  Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol,   and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.
Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg  seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg  tegretol 400mg.  Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.
Mid 15 ....   75mg  seroquel,  3 x 1800mg SJW  2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave
5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x  SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW
15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::   28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::;  18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump.

23/9  3mg.....,  27/9 0mg.  Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg.............  LIGHTBULB MOMENT,  I have  MTHFR 2x mutations.  CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it.

Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues.

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Fresh

Thankyou ang.    When read  about your experiences , it makes me feel fortunate that at least I was able to hide my ordeal over the years enough to avoid the police

or an involuntary hospital admission.  

Technology makes it easier now than it was 15 years ago.    Take those photos or video on your mobile phone.    You can decide later what you want to do with them.

But you will always have that objective evidence , and you know how I love that.  :)


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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chicken

Fresh, OMG. I watched your video and could have substituted myself into your video a few years ago.

 

The problem for me is I've had that kind of anxiety and pacing without even taking a drug, however I tried taking prozac again to help it and it made it 100% worse and also added insomnia to it. My anxiety also caused me to throw up a lot and I lost down to 100 lbs. I ended up in the hospital because my weight was getting low and after three months it was no easing off the anxiety.

 

That is how I got on remeron and then had the same experience again when going off remeron. Cipro was added during reinstatement and made some kind of weird different anxiety happen again. Bridged to a different med and now stable. I'm tapering now and hope to never experience that again.  I've never called it akathesia, but severe anxiety. Didn't know what it was really called at that time.

 

Either way, it made me pace the floor day and night. At one point when I couldn't pace I would drive. I believe I put a thousand miles on my car driving around the county to try to ease it. Akathesia/Anxiety will make you want to die. I don't think there is a physical pain that can compare to it.

 

I'm glad you're better. I'm just stopping in to say that I know exactly what you went through. It was like watching me on that video. Scary.


Prozac 1999-2009 quit semi cold turkey.

 

2012 Placed on Seroquel 25 mg, Tranxene (Clorezepate) 3.75 mg 3x a day, Remeron 30 mg for anxiety/akathesia.

 

Weaned off Seroquel and Tranxene .to Remeron 15 Mg.

In May 2014 tried quitting Remeron at its lowest dose. Had severe withdrawals.Reinstated Remeron at 30 mg by doctor. August 5 2014 entered hospital. Doctor pulled the Remeron and bridged it to Pamelor (Nortriptyline) 40mg and Zyprexa 2.5mg.After removing the Remeron all my bad symptoms went away and I am stable.

 

9/11/14 - 7.5 mg tranxene, 40mg Pamelor, Zyprexa 2.5mg

12/29/14 -  20mg Pamelor, 1/6/15,  7/31/15 3.5mg, 8/10/15 3.2 mg, 9/15/15 2.2mg, 10/15/15 1.8mg

(Feb 2016 - 1.4mg Pamelor only -  OFF OF TRANXENE AND ZYPREXA SINCE DEC 2014 BENZO FREE Since 2014. Nortrityline (Pamelor) .8mg Aug 2016

March 2017 DRUG FREE

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Hopefull

Hi Fresh,

 

I really think you are really brave by posting the video and  showing others the torment that you have been going through. I am sorry that you have been going through this. I could not watch the second video it was emotionally overwhelming. I hope that you are feeling better. Best wishes, Hopefull.


DRUG HISTORY:

 

November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction).

January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey).

January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering.

October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg.

September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed.

September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised.

February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. :(

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Fresh

Thankyou Hopefull.    The second video is actually a lot more calm than the first.   You'll get to it when you're ready.  I really hope that mine wasn't the scary movie

that unsettled you.  Perhaps I need to make a new one to illustrate how things  have changed for the better.

 

Chicken , thankyou for sharing.   Driving for many hours at a time is another classic symptom of akathisia.    So is the feeling of dread , a constant sense of urgency ,

and a general inability to be still.    I never had words either until 2013 , so I used to describe it as "antsy", from the latin term "ants in the pants" (lol).

 

Did you get stable on the combination of tranxene , pamelor and zyprexa?     I look forward to  reading your thread.

 

I'd like to share my experience with forums at this point.    I got my first computer in 2003 , and it's made me a little nervous ever since.   Am trying really hard to think of it as my friend.  

This is the first forum I've been a part of (unless you count adultmatchmaker.com , and the mods. there never intervened).  I apologize for any feathers I've ruffled , but I think I'm getting the hang of it now.   I feel blessed to have found my way here.   This site has helped me make sense of the past 25 years , and that is invaluable.

 

p.s.  I started dog training classes with my doglet on Sunday , and it was lots of fun.    She should pass her test to qualify as my assistance dog in

about 6 months if it goes well.   Thanks Indigo  for the idea  :).


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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pieuw

Hi Fresh,

 

I have seen your videos, they broke my heart.

It's such an unwordly suffering that you must have been through...

I had no idea this existed, and that a human being could survive this. What a strong person you must be.

 

Hug x


started on 10mg Sipralexa (Lexapro) in january 2010 for general anxiety disorder/panic attacks (possibly burn-out from studying).
stayed on it for 4,5 years.

started to reduce Lexapro with this "schedule" (and ignored doctor's advice to quit in 14 days):
- 10mg to 5mg on 16/07/2014 (no WD symptoms)
- after 8 weeks: 5mg to 2,5mg on 12/09/2014 (
1st week: heavy sweating at night; mood swings (angry), brainfog/derealization)

- after 7 weeks: 2,5mg to 2mg on 03/11/2014 (1st week: heavy sweating at night; from 2nd week on: mild brain zaps, eye floaters, mood swings)
- after 14 weeks: 2mg to 1,5mg on 14/02/2015 (
1st week: heavy sweating at night; from 2nd week on: shaking, trembling, severe anxiety attacks, loss of appetite, insomnia, very depressive feelings; from 3rd week on: shaking and trembling reduced, sometimes a "window" but anxiety always returns, very dark thoughts)

- updosed to 2mg on 07/03/2014

 

supplements: Metarelax (magnesium + Vit B ); Omega 3-fish oil; Sedinal drops in case of extreme anxiety;

acupuncture + CBT  

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LoveandLight

Thank you for all your support xx


2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Fresh

This was taken last Sunday at a good old Aussie balcony-BBQ. - that's me in white.   :D

post-2715-0-87074700-1426655288_thumb.jpg


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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Hopefull

You like nice! :) No it was not your video that made me have a panic attack, although your video was overwhelming in terms of what the drugs can do to a human being!  I am glad that you are feeling better!  xxx Hopefull.  :)


DRUG HISTORY:

 

November 2013- Zoloft, ( Bad reaction).

January 2014 - March 2014 Seroquel.( Quit Cold Turkey).

January2014- Mirtazapine, I was taking 15mg at one stage, reduced to 7.5mg, Pgad reactions to Mirtazapine. Doctor kept increasing it to 37.5mg, until July 2014. No improvement, experiencing panic attacks, on 37.5 mg. I had enough by October 2014. Began tapering.

October 2014- Started tapering Mirtazapine from 37.5mg.

September 2015- Down to 4mg of Mirtazapine. Crashed.

September 16th- Up dosed to 5mg. Held this dose for almost 5 months. Stabilised.

February 2016- Began tapering again. From 5mg to 4.5mg of Mirtazapine. (Rocking the boat, again)! Lol. :(

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Fresh

So I started my taper from pristiq 50mg , almost 3 weeks ago now.   The whole thing has been a comedy of errors , as are many things in my life.

 

I was ready , good to go , as I sat with my brand new digital scales and pill-cutter.   

But I found the scales weren't precise enough.   Although they weighed down to 0.01 , found I could add a chunk and they didn't register any change.   Back to

ebay for an upgrade.   So far so good.

 

My new scales arrived , and I was a little nervous.   I began by weighing one 50mg tablet of pristiq , and it weighed 37mg.(0.37) 

But wait , I hear you ask , how is that possible?

I was confused too.   The tablet clearly didn't contain 50mg of anything.    I was seeing doctors the next day and decided I would ask them.

 

First stop the next day , my nutrient doctor.    At the end of the appointment I pulled out my scales and tablets , and asked him about it.    He explained something

that I sort of thought I understood , but I didn't want to appear dumb , so I thanked him politely and left.

 

Next stop , Yola.   Again I pulled out what I needed to demonstrate my predicament.   Well , she was stumped too.   Was this an issue for the Therapeutic Goods Administration?

 

On the way home , I stopped at the pharmacy , and they explained it to me.   

Because the scale shows milligrams , it's out of 1000.  That is , the tablets weighed 370mg each.    Of that , 50mg is active ingredient and 320mg is filler/other stuff.

 

After the decrease , I had some sneezing and snuffling for 4-5 days.    After that finished ,  I felt more energised , a little euphoric.  My sleep became disturbed and I

was awake till between 1 and 4am for a week or so.    I've had lots of "scathingly brilliant ideas"   (Hayley Mills , The Trouble With Angels).

I've decided I need to make a movie.  A 15-20 minutes documentary style on akathisia , with a theoretical narrative and lots of people describing their experience of it.

I'm inquiring about grants and crowd-funding.     I'm also thinking about a book.   A friend who's an astrologer had her blog published , so why not me?   If I keep

posting here I can compile the posts and it's as good as written.

 

My sleep is back to normal after 3 weeks . . . I sleep around midnight till 9am , and have a 2 hour nanna-nap each afternoon.    The changes I've noticed are characteristic

of my withdrawal last year , when I just kept ploughing ahead with the decreases rather than waiting at each level.

 

Given that it's almost a month , I think I'll give it 2 months at this dose (330mg).    


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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