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☼ freespirit: Mirtazapine withdrawal


freespirit

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I'm glad you've had such good success with acupuncture. I hope that continues.

 

Qi gong has been described as "acupuncture without needles". For the past 2 1/2 years, I've been in essence, doing my own acupuncture. Qi gong can do everything that the needles do..and you don't have to wait for an appt. The advantage is that you get to know more what your qi is doing, through working with it daily. I also do some qi gong meditations for moving energy, clearing toxins, balancing qi, etc. I'm not really sure what acupuncture might be able to do that is different...except that once in awhile, it's nice to have someone else doing part of the work...overall, I'm quite wary of going to practitioners, and only seek them out when what I'm doing is not quite enough...or maybe I'm not quite patient enough for the qi gong to do what it will do!

 

What I'm experiencing now is unlike the sensitivity I had earlier on. I used to be affected by sounds, light, smells, other people's energy...that does not seem to be occurring presently. I believe what is happening now has its basis in trauma. There's a different quality to it, one that I'm familiar with. I'd be hard pressed to find words to explain that..but it's more of a sense of knowing in my body. I've been working with these things for a very long time. I hope this time, I can find my way through differently. I get more concerned than usual about seeing any new practitioners, given past experience of people not really listening to concerns related to trauma. I'll see how the acupuncturist is in that regard. I'd have no problem now stopping the treatment if I needed to. 

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Makes sense and sounds like you are very in touch with what you are experiencing and what works for you.   Yes, it's nice to share the load with someone if it's the right fit.  

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Yes freespirit, I do think PTSD and withdrawal is a particularly hard combination. When the stress threshold is very low

old deep wounds are triggered. For instance, I'm naturally an intoverted person but of course I need contact with friends.

When I'm  feeling down I have a hard time reaching out to friends to go for a dog walk, meet for coffee or even drop by because

if they don't return my call or are busy with other friends, the old wound of my father telling me "nobody likes you" takes over.

I isolate more.Hide my loneliness Get caught in a caught in a Catch 22 cycle self isolation.

I can relate to your anxiety about feeling ill. I know the fear that symptoms might signify something deadly. I've had that happen in WD.  

When the WD lifts I see it in perspective, realizing it was rampant anxiety. I think those of us who spend a lot of time alone are  probably more prone to this kind of thinking.

 

I tend to isolate more too..and have done since my wife died especially. I find it hard being around people when I'm not doing well and they don't get it. I tend to feel more lonely when I'm with folks who are on a very different wavelength, than I do being alone. My Mom always sent us to our rooms when we got sad or angry. So, I guess I tend to do the same thing with myself, thinking my emotions are unacceptable.

 

Before I had that positive test, I was managing a lot better with health anxiety. Now, every time my digestion is off, I worry it's cancer. That's heightened by the experiences of people close to me dying from cancer too. My wife had no other symptoms except some changes in digestion and a bit of fatigue. Her cancer was stage 4 when diagnosed.

 

I agree that spending a lot of time alone and being more introverted probably leads us down the path of this kind of thinking more.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Had a really good day yesterday, both physically and emotionally. I went for a 26 km. bike ride, which took about 2 hours. While I didn't feel as happy riding as I sometimes do, I felt a big sense of accomplishment at the end. It's been years since it seemed possible i could exercise like this. And the ride really boosted my mood too. Felt great all evening and had a very good sleep.

 

Was ok when I woke up this morning, but for no external reason, I started feeling a bit off. My legs needed a break from the bike, so I walked at the beach. I kept trying to focus on my breath and the sights and sounds around me. My mind was wanting to ruminate on things...it seems to be especially stuck on thoughts about doctors...ugh.

 

Had to take one of my cats to the vet this afternoon, because he was in a fight. Unlike the doctor's office, the vet and staff are fantastic. But even there, I have some anxiety from past experiences with our previous cats..anyway, he had a couple of major scratches, has a tear in one ear, a couple of bite wounds, and one eye was scratched. Needless to say, he'll be confined indoors for awhile.

 

Yesterday, looked up the address for the doc who first put me on AD. My thoughts on these letters keep going over and over in my mind. I need to actually write them and hope that will ease some of the rumination.

 

I'm going back to the chiropractor tomorrow. I don't even know what to hope for...my back is hardly bothering me right now. Maybe she can put my digestion back to where it was before the last treatment..or maybe it can help shift my mood a little. Do other people go through more difficulty around the anniversary of jumping off?? just wondering if that's a factor in what's been happening the last while. At least my sleep is coming around again. I'm waking once, but often going right back to sleep again. Wish it meant I felt more rested though..maybe it's just that I'm getting more tired from the heat that we're dealing with here.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Hi Free,

 

I'm so happy for you, that you had such a good day, yesterday.  The bike ride sounds "awesome" , and I'm envious that you have a beach nearby. That must be so therapeutic.  I think the fact that you're sleeping , must make all the difference to your mood as well. I know you're struggling with a bit of negativity, as I am as well, but it sounds like you're moving forward, in a positive way.  You are very "proactive" with your self care in recovery, and you're seeing the benefits.  I will have to try and take a leaf out of your book, and apply the same diligence, to my own "healing".  Procrastination, is my big enemy at the moment, as well as extreme exhaustion !!    I find at 14 months off,  "windows and waves" seem to cycle at a higher speed than before. I hope that is a good sign, but I'm not sure.  :unsure:   Anyway, keep up the good work.  You will get there.   Hugs,  Ali.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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hi free

so happy you had agood day yesterday-you inspire me with the bike ride ,that's great!

 

I understand your mind wanting to ruminate;this is one of my worst symptoms.

 

I had an awful time at my 1 yr. anniversary,also,thinking I should be so much better, hang in there.

 

hope your kitty recovers quickly;ours stay indoors.thank goodness,we already lost one to being hit by a car :(

 

xo

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs.

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Hi Ali,

 

I was in procrastination mode for years! I tend to see it as part of the freeze response of the ns to trauma and to meds. Even when I wanted to, I couldn't seem to get out of my chair. I believe starting very small can be a useful way to go. Somehow, committing to that 7 minutes of qi gong once or twice a day shifted something...which continued to shift through wd. Of course there have times where I was too ill to do much of anything...and plenty of times where I still don't feel like doing something. But having a lot of those experiences where I did something, in spite of how I felt, has built something I can draw on. The day I went for the long bike ride, I didn't think I wanted to go..and it turned out much better than I imagined. But don't be hard on yourself when you just can't do it..that only adds to the misery. Do whatever you can for that day and be kind to yourself..at least I think that's more helpful than beating oneself up!

 

I'm very lucky about where I live. The beach is a 10 minute bike ride away. I'm sorry to say that literally years went by where I rarely went. Now I'm done there multiple times a week, even in the rain or storms. Even if all I can manage is to sit down there, it usually helps.

 

I know I'm also very fortunate regarding sleep....even that past week of sleeping poorly hit me hard. I'm not sure how you and others manage through such very long periods without sleeping. I think you have a very good attitude, given how hard it must be for you. I hope you're able to get some rest...it definitely makes a difference.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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My kitties were indoors until about 2 months ago. They always had a screened in area of about 200 sq. ft. where they could at least be out watching the birds and getting fresh air. But the male cat made it clear he wasn't happy being indoors..that's actually been the case for the past 2 years. I just didn't think I could live with the worry of them being outside, but I also couldn't live with him being miserable. He spends nearly all his time in the back yard and the female never goes beyond there. But other cats do come into the yard. In the past, he's just walked away and come inside. Since I wasn't here, I don't know what happened.

 

Thanks for saying that about the anniversary. I wanted to be "all done with wd" by then..I know it was unrealistic, but you can't blame a girl for dreaming. Maybe there's some memory that comes up about how it was when you first jumped off too. The physical side was pretty awful for me then..not so much emotional. I find it tough to maintain any kind of balance when both are going on.

 

I wish there was a switch to turn off rumination....ugh. It sucks the life out of everything and doesn't accomplish a thing, at least not for me. It gets exhausting to have to exercise every single time my mind starts doing that..once in awhile, I'd like to just sit down and watch a movie or read a book..but these days, being inactive seems to allow my mind to turn into overdrive.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Free - wow, what an inspiring story you have.

 

First and always, I am sorry for your loss.  Nobody knows what that is like for you, and that you talk freely of your wife's death and your grief here, makes me be honored to listen in on your processes, honored that you feel safe enough to post here.  Never feel that you speak of your grief too much - we have so few places which are safe to express those feelings, experiences, emotions, memories, choices, etc.  And it helps us.  I have some weird grief issues now - not people close now, but it seems like (geez, I'm only 53) so many of my peers are starting to die, some of them I have been close to.  And I live 14,000 miles away from them, they are in the USA, and so closure is something I never get.  Not with my father, not with my ex husband, not with my first boyfriend, and I won't really get it with Mom, when she dies.  So reading of your grief and grief processes is helping me, really. And I'm honored to be allowed to listen and respond to this tender place in you, in me, in all of us really, if we only listen.

 

And THANK YOU for pointing the way on the Qi Gong videos!  Naturally, YouTube is chock-a-block full of little 10 minute sessions, and when I get to the States, I will pick up some Lee Holden vids, too.  Very nice!  I think this is the piece of the puzzle that I've been missing since I've been too injured to return to karate.  It feels stupid being pulled from a sport I've practiced through thick and thin for a tiny injury to my pinky - but - it's been 10 months on the mend SO FAR - and I can't be extending that possibility.  I've looked for Tai Chi classes (I used to do that for about 5 years when my back went out) but they are a shy and reclusive lot, Tai Chi instructors in Australia.  So the Qi Gong fills the hole - and I have no excuse.  Just 10 minutes, okay?  

 

How you commit to 26 km bikerides - well.  Impressive!

 

(waves) Yo! Crazy Cat lady!  I have posted my "owner" on the pet pages.

 

...and wow, your doctor experience makes me grateful - I live in a small village (but surrounded by larger suburbs) and have around a hundred doctors within 10 minutes of me.  Next time I drive to one of the good ones - 25-30 minutes away - I will not complain!  I will remember you!

 

It's been a couple of weeks since I made this note:  

 

SAD light:  I read on www.psycheducation.org that if you are oversensitive to light therapy, to take it not when you first wake up, but around noon, when the light outside should be at it's peak.  This is intended to prevent overstimulation in bipolar disorder, but could also apply to the dysregulation of withdrawal, as well,  

 

I think you are already doing this - getting your sunlight a little later in the day - but I just wanted to affirm what you found out in your own body.

 

More in a mo - a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • Moderator Emeritus

FreeSpirit, you wrote:  

 

I think the Zen moments are grace...but grace comes I believe, from doing things that foster it as a possibility.

 

Ah, you get it!  In certain churches and religions, "grace" is a stroke from heaven that if you get it, you "get it," but that you can only get it when God says so.

 

But some places - teach that you can "court" grace like a lover.

 

Kind of like improving your luck by working hard.

 

You wrote:

 

On one hand, I could follow that and let myself sleep a strange cycle. But when that was happening a few months ago, I started feeling more and more isolated. Most of my best time was being lived entirely alone and I found I wasn't able to do anything social as a result.

 

Oh lordy, I understand that!  I live in a daytime, sunshine-y bright country where the women all wear girly clothes and high heels, and everyone gets up in the morning, and comes home at night.  At nighttime, the only ones out are the "creatures of darkness" (i.e., muggers, gangs, assaulting types, and just a few dog-walkers).

 

With my out-of-kilter schedule, I feel like I never get enough sunshine (yep, missed the "sun-walk" again today), it becomes difficult to meet with friends - especially if they have school age children, who are getting out of school at the same time I am waking up!  Appointments become difficult, as they always have to be mid-afternoon.  I can only do one thing a day, as all malls and businesses in this day-time country close at 5 pm.  8 pm for groceries, if I'm lucky.

 

If I leave my sleep to "when I want to sleep" - which was the first thing I allowed to happen when I "accepted" the "bipolar diagnosis" - sleep when I am tired, wake when I am rested, Zen approach - then I am so unproductive that I stay up later into the wee hours of the morning so that I can listen to a lecture, or watch a video, or read articles or threads and learn and grow.  Then the cycle starts again.

 

And, of course, now, (thanks to Fitbit) I realize that even when I sleep for 10 hours, I'm only getting 4-5 hours of sleep.  Hmmmm.  You say "CPAP" and I've resisted for so long.  There has to be an alternative to a machine!  Sure, our ancestors died younger, and died in their sleep - but I have difficulty trusting a corporate marketing mechanism for putting everyone on a sleep machine. I hear you, it works for you (as it does for my SA friend MeiMei, and my hubby, too!).  EGADS twin CPAPs!

 

 

Then, you wrote:

 

 I know for sure that imposing "should" is a direct path to making everything worse. I do know that when I'm more accepting of how things are, the symptoms are the same, but my experience of them is markedly different. 

 

Oh yeah, good one.  But if I never did "should," would I do anything?  I'm so tired, so fatigued - that I feel I have to invoke some musts.

 

So what about "must?"  as I am aging and the body crumbles when neglected, I "must" get out an move it.  Putting a discipline to that - is the essential key.  And then I do feel better.

 

Where is the line between "should" and discipline?  Is it my mother's voice?  ("you should, you shouldn't")

 

You wrote:

 

Most people with dementia get angry or mean...for my Mom, it softened her. I would never have thought I'd be able to be there with her as she was dying, but I managed a few months. And since she'd died, some aspects have become more clear and easier.

 

It was the same for me.  My father - who was formidable in his active life - could reduce me to a simpering 5 year old with a snide remark.  He could insult me by laughing at others, it was harsh.  Think "Archie Bunker" - who - even though he was not right wing - he idolized for "speaking his mind."  His form of humour was more Rodney Dangerfield - insulting, denigrating, and emotionally difficult.

 

But as he "demented" (verb not a noun, a process of becoming) his edges became softer, fuzzier.  He was a big man, and so he was hard work for the nurses to clean and change him.  But they loved him.  He became sweet and kind and gentle and childlike.  As though all of those edges were necessary for functioning in the world - but that this gentle man was his true heart.  I stopped being afraid of his judgements - he no longer had any - and just sought to love and touch him while I could, to share what I could while I could.  I couldn't be there for his death, but I'm in awe of the emotional intelligence of my brother, who told him get "get dressed, we're going out to the dance," just before he died.

 

That's the best closure I could hope for.  I actually learned about his death on Facebook, but that's another story.  I think I have notes for one more post in a mo.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Free sez:

 

Is there anyone else on here who has diabetes or pre-diabetes and is having trouble with low blood sugar?

and

 

Does wd somehow affect your pancreas or is something happening with the endocrine system with regard to insulin?? 

and

 

A lot of people with diabetes end up on antidepressants. There is some link between the 2, although not known for sure exactly what...possibly inflammation, some people speculate.

 

I don't know about that - but I do know that the reverse is true.  A lot of people on antidepressants (and all manner of psych drugs) end up with diabetes. 

 

as you noted, here:

 

 I've read that mirt can increase the risk of diabetes by as much as 84%, if you are on longer than 2 years and/or are on a higher dose. Wish I'd known that before I took the drugs.

 

As can statins.  It's interesting that the drugs which "prevent heart disease" cause diabetes, and the drugs which "treat" diabetes cause heart disease….

 

Someone smarter than me might be able to describe that connection better (maybe Chris Kessler, have you ever read him?)

 

You comment on diabetic "diet":

 

I've never followed the diabetes diet, which in my view, is terrible. It has way more carbs than I'd ever eat. When I did the education program and saw a dietician, 

 

Gods, I get that!  It's gotten so that I won't go to see a dietician, because I don't want to count calories or carbs or fat grams - and I've learned more about sensitivities by doing an IgG blood test than anything taught me by FODMAPS or otherwise.

 

The dietician always insists on WEIGHING me, and I find that insulting.  What if WEIGHT is not my goal, but HEALTH is?  Do you have to judge me by how much gravity my mass can pull down?  HARGH!

 

Here downunder, they follow what is called "low GI" - which is always balance your carbs with fats, proteins, fibre, or minerals.  It's more of a "balance," than it is "low sugar."  I agree about the diet sodas, though.  Evil stuff, they can actually make your diabetes worse - it is one of the reasons that I am terrified of developing diabetes - I cannot, will not, use any artificial sweeteners (maybe a tiny amount of erithritol or xylitol, but always mixed with high fibre, high mineral raw cane sugar.

 

And I agree with you about the dieticians.  I can get 5 visits per year covered by our national health plan - but why would I spend those 5 visits arguing with a dietician / nutritionist?  At least for the next 10 years while they sort out all this new information about rancid industrial plant oils, inflammation, and vitamin k from your butter and animal fats.

 

You mentioned meditation retreats - I believe that is too intense for people in WD, often lots of silent time - I find an afternoon seminar should be more than adequate, while a whole weekend could be over the top.  Akathisia at a retreat would be sheer torture!

 

As far as your visit to your awful doc, maybe, as it is in Australian health, the Dr needs an x-ray first so that he can verify that you may need more - like an MRI or ultrasound or something. My GP sent me to get a head x-ray when I complained of headaches.  As if!   Here, a GP can only refer to x-ray, ultrasound, and maybe CT scan, but only a specialist can refer to MRI.  Of course, the specialist is likely to be a surgeon, and give a surgeon a hammer, and he'll find a reason to operate! I have no idea where your nearest specialist would be….

 

Did you ever get in to see that other, possibly likeable, recommended by your friend, Doc?

 

How's the tart cherry working out?  I just started a trial of that - I've had no ill effects, but I still have a good deal of pain.  Just for fun, I found some stick on "health magnets" marked down to $2.  I am trying them on my knee and hip.  Amazingly (and weirdly) they do seem to help, regardless of my skeptical expectations!

 

Additionally, I found in the mark-down bin at the chemist, a disposable TENS unit, which I can put on my back or my shoulders or my knee.  When the batteries run out, it is disposed of.  I think, however, that the sticky-pads will wear out first.  I cannot say that it is eliminating pain or reducing inflammation - but - I feel like I get a few hours of relief from it anyway.

 

Regarding your pain and your chiro, you wrote:

 

She suggested I try ice for back pain. While that isn't even remotely appealing, I'm going to give it a try. I'm desperate at this point for some relief. 

Oh, I swear by the ice.  It saved my life.  What I found, is that if it is tendons, ligaments, inflammation, the ice numbs, and "knits" so that the area feels stronger after an ice session.  Sometimes, I've come home with a pulled back, and put 20 minutes on the ice, and the next day - forgot I had an injury!  I know what you mean though - it's like discipline - sometimes a bit hard to take.

 

If it's joint and connective tissue, or nerve, ice can be good.  If it's muscular and/or nerve, heat is better.  I had one physio suggest that alternating heat and ice:  ice to reduce pain and swelling, heat to relax, then ice again, then heat again - I found this effective, and managed to live about 5 years with pain, just using ice and heat.  (oh, and horse linament!)

 

I think the magic number for ice is 12 minutes, minimum.  You now it is right, because you have to go "through" an uncomfortable, "can't stand it" time, and then when you come out on the other side, it's ahhhhh, feel so much better!

 

Your Chiro suggested:

 

The chiro told me that she has worked with dancers who swear by this mix in the bath for pain: 1 cup epsom salts, 1 cup hydrogen peroxide, and 1 cup baking soda. That's worth a try too.

 

Here's my formula:  

1 Tbsp borax (because my water is fluoridated)

1/2 - 1 cup baking soda (use more if you've been exercising, it breaks up lactic acid)

1-2 cups epsom salts or - my favorite, if you can get it - magnesium chloride (about 5x stronger than epsom salts)

a splash (about 3 Tbsp) of apple cider vinegar for absorption.

a few sprinkles of my favorite scent or Zen muscle relaxing oil

 

Bath should be warm, comfortable, but not hot.  The magnesium is best absorbed that way.

 

20 minute minimum, your body will only absorb what it needs, but most of us are magnesium deficient anyway.

 

It's one of the things that losing karate has done - the discipline of that workout made me NEED the magnesium bath, so I was getting it more regularly.  Probably sleeping better, less aches and pains.  Without that pressure of the karate, it's harder to just jump in the bath for a soak.  When I've just had a hard workout (which I rarely do now) I know that if I take the mag bath, I won't suffer.  Now I just suffer, without the karate or the bath!   :blush:

 

You question your chiro treatment here:

 

I thought it was perhaps coincidence that I've developed much worse hives both times after the chiro treatment. I know that seems odd..but given the relationship between the nervous and immune systems, it's not really a stretch. I do find chiro treatments a bit traumatic. I have a history of PTSD and a brain injury well before wd.

and

 

I feel like I've hit by a mac truck. In my mind, the jury is still out as to whether more vigorous treatment like chiropractic, is the best thing for me. It never was in the past, but I'm open to trying different things at this point. I really like the chiropractor and that helps.

 

...

 

Maybe I need to just live with it and not be seeking treatment? Who knows?

 

It's probably just me, but I don't think highly of chiropractic as a training method.  That said, when someone is a Healer, it doesn't really matter whether they went to Chiro or MD or Osteopathy or TCM or Reiki or Rolfing or massage or Hands of Light school - a healer is a healer.

 

The hives thing makes me think that the treatment might be too invasive - but then - read this by Stephen Morgan, The Wind Never Lies:  http://beyondmeds.com/2009/02/02/the-wind-never-lies-must-read/ - he had a mysterious patch/rash on his chest that didn't clear until he was "well" - both emotionally and physically.

 

Histamines might be responding to emotional stuff, too.

 

See?  You've really made me do some thinking in reading your thread.  I'm not the most efficient reader / poster in SA so it may be awhile before I get back, I'll try and get your responses to these, to see if we can learn and grow some more!

 

You are indeed an inspiration, I'm honored to be sharing this community with you.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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HI Free.  I don't always have anything to add but I do follow your thread.  I am thinking about you and wish you well.  Love and hugs.

2002-put on amitryptiline for fibromyalgia. 10mg.2004-stopped abruptly. Didn't think it helped.2006 approx.-put on Paxil for mild anxiety 20 mg.2007 upped to 40 mg. not sure why.2011- tapered from 40 to 10. went nuts and went back to 20mg2014- tapered from 20mg to 0 from April to The end of June.current meds- Metformin(type 2 diabetic) and low dose aspirin.Take multi vitamin and vit b12, vit. D and magnesium. 5 months off Paxil. Still suffering.recently added 1.2mg of Paxil to alleviate withdrawals.(Nov 30)Dropped to .9mg because having symptoms from reinstatement.(dec 23)<p>taper to .76mg-.8mg (Feb 3) approx. weight .010 to about .008-.009 on scale.
.6mg (march 19th.) .5mg(April 19th)
.4mg(April 27th)
.2 (June 27th)

0mg.  done taper at beginning of August.

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Thanks Frustrated...nice for you to stop by.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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JC,

 

Thanks for your in-depth responses...I'm still mulling and will get back to you. I was very touched by your posts.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Hi Free

 

I wanted to say hello and see how you are.   I've been reading your posts above and wondering how you are doing over the last couple of days.

 

Thinking good thoughts and steady healing for you.

 

Hibari

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Good of you to check in with me Hibari. I tend to drop off when I'm feeling more introspective, as I have been since seeing the chiropractor on Friday. We had 2 conversations regarding healing, the emergence of more intense symptoms, and how to listen in as to what is too much. I'm happy to say she was not the least defensive when I told her how difficult things had been since our last appointment. She had already written in her notes that she felt it was better to proceed with some osteopathic adjustments (she is trained in this, as well as chiropractic and craniosacral). Those conversations have given me a lot of food for thought. The adjustments seem to result in a small ripple, but one what has been much more manageable.

 

On Sunday, I went for another longish bike ride. This was a trail I'd done before, but I enjoyed it much more this time. It runs along a river and in one place, there are 2 channels and you are riding between them. It was a warm day, but since much of the trail is shaded by tall trees, it was very pleasant. I'm finding that I appreciate it when there are other people out walking or riding too. Normally, I try to choose places or times where I'll be alone..so this is a shift for me, to look forward to a few brief interactions on the trail.

 

Yesterday, I got a call that the acupuncturist had a cancellation and I could get in to see her in the afternoon. Perhaps it was a bit close to the chiropractic visit, but it seemed better than waiting until the end of Sept. It was a good appt. and I liked her quite well, though I believed she could have listened a bit more. She worked primarily on the areas of settling the nervous system and my digestion, which were the 2 main things I listed as concerns. I was instructed not to do any qi gong or strenuous exercise for 24 hours after the treatment. I felt relaxed enough to just watch a bit of tv and hang out with the cats last night. I plan on a bike ride or walk this afternoon, but will take it a bit easier. I slept well for 6 hours, but was awakened with a hot flash...but my mood was fine and has been for the rest of the morning to this point.

 

I was supposed to have a massage tomorrow, but decided to cancel. 3 different types of treatment within a week is likely too much...plus the financial considerations. I want to let the acupuncture have time to work through my  body. I came home with an herb, and will decide later if I'm actually going to take it or not. I may wait a week before even trying it, so I know if something comes up, that it might be the herb.

 

Talking with the chiropractor has made me reconsider my assumptions that it's a negative thing to have increasing symptoms. I've noted many times through healing from different things, that sometimes, it gets worse before it gets better. I have such an aversion to certain feelings, believing I've already felt them "too much" in my life. There are some things I find very difficult to sit with, in spite of decades of meditation practice. Over the weekend, I did a few short stints of sitting practice, which  brought the extreme desire to bolt. I don't know what's underneath that I'm so afraid of, but I suspect there is something I need to face--and not run from.

 

The acupuncturist asked me what I might feel I need to let go of, and what I feel could be the next steps in my life. In terms of letting go, I sensed that it's the anger I feel towards doctors and western medicine...as I know that holding on to it only interferes with my health and moving forward. The next steps are practical ones, regarding work, finances, and my living situation. Of course, these were my immediate responses, but I expect that other thoughts will arise.

 

I'm working very hard not to allow my mind to just ruminate on what's wrong. There are just as many things that are right and I feel better when I drop into my body more, sense the world around me, rather than cut off and stay in my head. I have to retrain myself in terms of what I do when everything is not going swimmingly, or in the ways I believe it should be.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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JC,

 

Thanks again for your very thoughtful responses. I know this site is about wd, but it's my feeling that many of us are dealing with unresolved grief. There are almost no places to talk about it or process it. Even though I was dealing with multiple and big losses, people in my life moved on very quickly. That included some hospice friends, who perhaps were burned out from hearing about loss all week long. Regardless, there is little place for grief in our society--we are expected to get over it and go back to the person we once were.

 

I'm sorry that you're so far away from people who are dying. I've been in that boat too and found it made it much harder to come to terms with the losses. Are you able to do any kind of rituals for yourself? It's good that you had some time with your Dad, even if you weren't with him at the end. I wasn't there with my Mom either, due to the behavior of my brothers. We all do the best we can.

 

Glad to hear you're finding the qi gong helpful. I'm hoping to be able to do a 1 day workshop with Lee Holden in November. There is some travel involved, but by car. Will see if I can manage with eating out for a night and day...that's my chief concern.

 

I am not using my SAD light over the summer, but will probably begin using it in the next couple of weeks. Evenings do seem to be better, as I fall asleep at a more normal time and also wake up not quite as early. I find if I start using it in August, it prevents the inevitable lows that come once the rains hit in Oct or Nov.

 

If I could ride 26 km on my bike 5 or 6 times a week, I think my mood would be fantastic. However, it's still a challenge physically. I can't do that kind of ride every day or even every other day. But getting outside and riding helps take me out of my ruminating mind, more than anything else at this point. I'm grateful for the break! And the good mood usually lasts through the rest of the day, and sometimes, into the next one.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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JC,

 

The Tart Cherry has worked well for me. I think it took about 2 weeks for noticeable improvement. My joint pain went way down, especially in my feet, where the arthritis is worst. It also seemed to lower inflammation overall and there was less burning kind of pain my body. I started it around the same time as beginning with the chiropractor, so it may have been both together that produced some change.

 

The chiropractor and I mutually came to an understanding that those adjustments were possible too much, at least for now. She is also trained in osteopathy, so that's what we did last time. She's also used some craniosacral therapy in my neck area. I haven't been a fan of more intense kinds of treatment in the past, because it does tend to trigger PTSD. However, I have been in a place of really questioning about healing, wanting to be more open to different possibilities..and realizing that I'm not the same person I was trying these kinds of things in the past.

 

In addition, this chiro is actually receptive to feedback and says she is wanting to learn about what works for me and my body. That goes a very long way for me, as in the past, practitioners have blamed or shamed me for how I've responded to treatments. She is interested in a deep inquiry about healing, not having preconceived ideas about what will or won't work...she doesn't have an agenda. This is similar to how my naturopath operates and both listen to what I think is going on in my body or what I sense I might need.

 

I am still uncertain as to how much of what is happening symptom-wise is past trauma and how much is WD. I realize I might never know. But I wonder if dealing with those 2 things is different. This is a question for me. Is is okay to have more symptoms emerge, if it means healing from some of this past trauma? I don't think there's any simple answer and what's known often happens in hindsight, at least for me. I am wary, because of experiences in the past where I pushed past reasonable limits, in the name of "healing"...so, that has made me more cautious and careful. But I also don't want to limit what is possible in terms of perhaps moving beyond, or letting go of some of these old wounds.

 

My pain level has gone way down since seeing the chiro. I'm open to using ice though, if it arises again. I've used it in the past for arthritis pain in my feet and it worked very well. It's interesting that the acupuncturist I saw believes literally that "cold is evil" and should not be used. I'm of the belief that if it works, then use it...I can't abide by what any form of healing thinks is the one and only way. I think all of us on here have seen where that got us and have discovered that no 2 of us has the same path to recovery.

 

It's too hot right now for magnesium baths, even warm ones...but I'll do that again when it cools off. I use magnesium lotion every night before bed. It seems to be the best way of absorption for me.

 

I gave up on meditation retreats 3 years ago. In fact, I gave up on mindfulness practice then. I wouldn't even entertain a weekend retreat at this point and maybe never. I came to understand that the retreat experience is too similar to childhood things and doesn't provide adequate support for the kind of places I tend to drop into.

 

I believe the histamine issue for me at least, is very much emotionally driven. That was an interesting story from beyond meds..thank you for sharing that. I can hope perhaps, that the rash I've had on my upper arms since jumping off might go away at some point too.

 

Your posts made me think a lot too...I'm grateful for you reading my thread and responding to so many different things...I hope I've adequately addressed what you wrote about.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Hi Free,

 

So much insight and honesty in your posts.   Your chiropractor sounds really good and a practitioner who is willing to learn and receive information from their patient is so important. 

I have been educating my acupuncturist and her supervisor on what I am going through.  When they ask me certain "standard" questions such as "how's your sleep" and I say I am drugged into sleep or "how is your digestion" and I say it fluctuates depending on my pattern of wd, there is a big pause.   Today, when the supervising acupuncturist said, "you just got back from being away and yet your energy is depleted", I had to explain that it takes a tremendous amount of energy to go through withdrawal.  However, they are both invested in me getting better and are kind.  I am getting what I need in terms of healing from them so I will continue to go.

 

Taking a pause from massage after two holistic treatments also seems very wise and intuitive.  After my mom died, and prior to sliding into a deep depression, I went for a series of 10 Rolfing treatments.  I kept wanting to try things to feel better.  In hindsight, the treatments were destabilizing to me because they kept opening me up at time when I needed to contract. 

Sometimes more is not better. 

 

I also agree with you about meditation.  Again during the Rolfing session time, I signed up for a meditation class.  I couldn't bear it and while I was struggling acutely with depression, I kept trying to meditate.  It was not comforting to me at all and even now, I have not gone back to meditation.  I also had a few spiritual friends, offer up meditation as the cure for my trauma of care taking and depression.  When I explained how it was not working, I got the "you need to be more open" line.  I lost a friendship over that and it actually is okay with me. 

I am not opposed to meditation and will, as you say, drop into a session if it calls to me but nothing formalized or intense at this time or maybe never.

 

I understand your contemplation of trauma, grief and wd.  I agree there may not be a concrete answer now and that some of the symptoms may not reveal what they are attached in this moment.  For me, my sense right now of my journey is the willingness to not know.  I face continually  in my meetings, with my spirituality and my healing.   It's the toughest yet most important aspect of my development as a person.

 

I know there is much more that you have written and I apologize if this response is a lot about me and my response to your insights.  I just really respect the deep work you are doing to heal and I relate to much of it. 

 

Thank you for sharing.

 

H

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Hey beautiful!

 

My swans and coots are chirruping for you on their daily visits.

 

Sending you much love as always.

 

Cat xxx

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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Hibari,

 

I'm grateful that you shared your experiences on my thread about acupuncture, Rolfing, and meditation. I think there's a lot to be said for going slowly, even though a part of me would prefer to have things over and done with.

 

How often are you receiving acupuncture? The woman I saw also said I was depleted, but had no judgment about it. I shared some of the things I've been going through in recent years on my intake form, so she knew that there had been a lot. I'm starting to become less concerned with whether people understand WD exactly. Instead it seems more important if they listen and are willing to think outside the box and respond as needed, rather than on some kind of agenda.

 

Several Buddhist teachers I've worked with do not recommend meditating while a person is depressed. They have found that it tends to deepen the negative loops, rather than relieve them. That being said, everyone is different. I know of some friends who did manage to continue practice while depressed and found it helpful. I'm not sure about learning meditation while depressed though. It's one thing if you already have the skills and can apply them to thoughts and emotions. But, I think one of my main concerns is that there is so much focus on awareness, and not so much on the state of the heart...which I've found to be more important, at least for me. Meditation isn't an answer for everyone or everything..and timing and type of practice are very significant too.

 

I can imagine how Rolfing would too much at a time like you were going through. I've never had it, but know it can be very intense and open things quickly.

 

I'm trying to work with my tendency to want to know what's happening. I know that letting go around this would be helpful. I think it's part of the fight/flight and trauma that makes me feel I want to be in control. What is probably more helpful is what you are describing, which is to not know, but just open to what's happening.

 

Thanks again for your experience and insights...

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Hey beautiful!

 

My swans and coots are chirruping for you on their daily visits.

 

Sending you much love as always.

 

Cat xxx

 

Wonderful to see you again....and I'm gratefully receiving the love you are sending.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Free

 

Thanks so much for the helpful advice re sinuses and immune system. I do take echinacea but usually only during the winter months. I think my problems start with allergies - it is very dusty and hot here at the moment.  Also I am in air con a lot although I won't have it at home.

 

I googled the acupressure and you are  right, it does help. I think the saline nasal spray has started to kick in at last! .So hopefully i am on the mend.

 

I am so grateful to you for taking the time to post on my thread and help me.

 

How are you doing? I hope you are managing to enjoy summer.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

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Free Spirit -How often are you receiving acupuncture? The woman I saw also said I was depleted, but had no judgment about it. I shared some of the things I've been going through in recent years on my intake form, so she knew that there had been a lot. I'm starting to become less concerned with whether people understand WD exactly. Instead it seems more important if they listen and are willing to think outside the box and respond as needed, rather than on some kind of agenda.

 

I go once a week and have a combination of acupuncture with about 20 minutes of Reflexology (which I love!) at the end.  I have just added in a pre-acupuncture session where where a machine is used to test points in my feet and hands.  Once that is done, a formula is given.  Very much like Kinesiology for the feet but more hands on.  It's been so interesting to watch and is I believe a very subtle process.  

 

Free Spirit-Several Buddhist teachers I've worked with do not recommend meditating while a person is depressed. They have found that it tends to deepen the negative loops, rather than relieve them. That being said, everyone is different. I know of some friends who did manage to continue practice while depressed and found it helpful. I'm not sure about learning meditation while depressed though. It's one thing if you already have the skills and can apply them to thoughts and emotions. But, I think one of my main concerns is that there is so much focus on awareness, and not so much on the state of the heart...which I've found to be more important, at least for me. Meditation isn't an answer for everyone or everything..and timing and type of practice are very significant too.

 

Thank you for sharing this.  Even though I am learning to trust more that "I know what I know" to have that confirmed by your Buddhist teachers is so validating.  I had been meditating before trying a new class, but you're right, taking on something new like that was too disorienting.   You seem to have a good handle on meditation's value for you when appropriate. 

 

I heard someone today say, "My whole family tells me I come from a line of anxious and worried people and that's who we are.  But even if I am anxious person in general, it's not the same as it was before".   I framed her thoughts for myself in that, for right now I air on the anxious side.  And because of my upbringing and the trauma I experienced, I may always hang out around the anxiety pool. But maybe it won't always be as deep.   I don't know yet but if I can accept myself for being anxious and vulnerable at this time, it may make it easier.

 

I think you are doing great Free Spirit, not that you are always feeling great but that you are a very fluid process that seems to be taking you forward.  .   

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Nice of you to stop by Flowers...I just posted on your thread. Good that some things are helping and you can hopefully, avoid any meds..and still be on track for starting your taper when you wanted to.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Hibari,

 

Obviously the things you have found are working for you and that's great. I'm not sure I could handle weekly treatments of any kind at this point. Seems like once a month or so is a good time frame at the moment.

 

The acupuncturist did a few minutes of massage at the end of my treatment, which I found a nice way to close things. She also did a blessing for me, which I found very touching.

 

That's interesting about the anxiety. I'd say my family was highly anxious as well. Though I've had some bouts through wd, in general, the free-floating anxiety I felt on Remeron is now minimal. Overall, I'd say I'm a lot less anxious. I'm not sure for myself what level of healing is possible around that either...it's just another one of those open questions. Daily practices have made a huge difference too...though it's taking me awhile to embody the "go with the flow" from qi gong.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Hi Free,

 

I don't have any words of wisdom, at the moment. Just offering my support & hugs. <_<:):blush::wub:    Feeling low.  So over this .

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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I'm grateful you stopped by Ali...nice of you to check in. I hear you on the "so over it". I'm sorry you're feeling low. Not sleeping for so long is really brutal...wish you were able to get some rest.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Things have been interesting since the acupuncture. Went though a few days of increasing symptoms--worse insomnia, digestion, cortisol spikes. The spikes were accompanied by overall body pain that felt like a "body zap"...also, a few times of intense anger and frustration.

 

I've almost been afraid to post or acknowledge that something has changed for the positive over the past 4 days...as in afraid, I'll jinx it. But a few nights ago, I had a window where there were zero physical, mental, or emotional symptoms. It was short-lived, in that some digestion things came back somewhat. But the emotional well-being lasted into the next day. I think it's the first time I've had a period of no symptoms at all, as there is usually something lurking in the background.

 

There has been a very rapid shifting from waves to windows, sometimes having both almost simultaneously. It's disconcerting to feel wonderful one moment and positively ill the next..and who knows what it means exactly. But it's a change from feeling lonely and sad 24/7 anyway.

 

My digestion has improved to a point where it feels almost normal. Since the issues started for me when I began tapering over 2 years ago, I had almost forgotten what normal felt like. I even managed to eat some spicy food without any problems and had a couple of spoonfuls of yogurt. First dairy I've had in about 10 months. Not something I'd do every day on either of those things, but a relief to not feel quite so restricted.

 

My best emotional times are still when outside riding my bike. I've tried to slow down some and just savor the experiences, rather than focusing so much on fitness. I was a bit weary from not sleeping as well earlier in the week anyway.

 

Since the acupuncture, I'm also back to feeling more benefit when I do qi gong. For the last few weeks, the usual relief has been minimal or short-lived after qi gong. Now, it's more like it has been through most of WD. I don't always feel peaceful while doing it, but I do much better after I finish.

 

Except for the first few nights after the treatment, my mind has been calmer and less rumination on what's wrong..and more able to shift my awareness towards the present moment.

 

This morning, I started taking the herb that the acupuncturist recommended. I know a lot of people find the whole concept of muscle testing to be bogus, but I'm willing to be open to it. She tested for which herb (not the one she thought I needed, as it turned out), and for many pills to take a day. These are actually a combination of herbs known in Chinese medicine as happy pills. Will see how it goes and hope for the best.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Hi free,

 

Apologies for my absence on your thread of late. Although not physically present, you are in my thoughts daily. I too drop off and withdraw at times of introspection and or low ebb.

 

A few things strike me about our shared experiences.

 

Your qi gong is my equivalent of my yoga, cycling, swimming & dancing. Through these activities I find so much more renewed energy, healing, sense of purpose than I ever found through counselling. I cannot explain it, there is a physical element, but something more that causes me to achieve healing, confidence, peace and sense of purpose through these activities which override my negative feelings and trauma. I just need to integrate these activities into my daily life as a priority. As yet, I have been unable to do this consistently due to my level of functioning, but I am working on this as a priority currently.

 

Regarding your health anxieties. This pernicious element has crept into my daily life recently when never present previously.

 

I believe that this is due to the fact that shortly before I started SSRIs I nursed my Great Uncle through terminal cancer. I was not only his niece, but also his carer and advocate at just 18 years of age. It was a privilege to care for him at the end of his life. I loved him dearly and I know that he regarded me as the daughter that he never had. But with this responsibility comes immense pain. Once known, it cannot be unknown or forgotten. 

 

I sunk into a deep depression upon losing him that I could never fully process at the time as I had no outlet or support and started SSRIs soon after.

 

I also worked as a social worker for 13 years whilst on medication, dealing with trauma on a daily basis that most people never encounter and feeling huge empathy for every individuals and families that I worked with and an overwhelming desire to heal or fix the nature of their pain. I was myself at this point operating as a wounded healer with my own unresolved trauma being suppressed in order to attend to the needs of others.

 

I am sure as a therapist that you have experienced similar, undoubtedly so.

 

I see the health anxiety that we are currently experiencing as a transitional path that accompanies a grieving process that is incomplete / interrupted by SSRI medication in addition to pre existing personal & professional trauma and reactivated trauma. Is this making sense at all? This is my experience and thoughts on things only. Not at all definitive. We are all so unique.

 

I believe that the ways that we activate healing in our own individual ways will shift these anxieties gradually. Qi gong, swimming, cycling etc. I am getting my health screenings up to date this year and accessing a massage therapist to assist me with my muscle tension. Outside of this, I will ignore any health anxiety symptoms and cut this fear off at source.

 

We have been through more than enough to let every twinge or episode of fatigue manifest as cancer or a death sentence in our minds. Haven't we suffered enough persecution? Easier said than done, true. But for many months now I have been certain that a whole host of ailments will cause me to perish imminently. It never happened and the likelihood is (especially given our interests and way of life) we will not expire until a ripe old age and deserve to enjoy our lives pain and worry free up until this point.

 

I see our health anxiety as another layer of recovery to overcome arising from trauma yet to be healed along with withdrawal and existing trauma.

 

I hope that my words have not caused offence, free. I know how delicate and sensitive this topic is, first hand.

 

Love, peace and healing to you, as always xxx

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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Just to add, something I just thought of that may or may not resonate.

 

From an early age I had the belief that I would die young. This did not scare me. I just made sure that I packed in as much living into each day as possible and lived each day as if it were my last.

 

Upon reflection, I believe that this belief was a direct response to my childhood abuse whereby I never felt safe or in control of my body / self. This caused me to grab opportunities as I had nothing to lose in doing so and everything to gain in terms of living and experience.

 

Although positive aspects were achieved as a consequence, the negative aspect remains with me. The sense of time passing too quickly and what opportunities I may lose. The sense of time passing has been a constant since my early life.

 

That said, I did not die young. I am 40 and still a spring chicken ;) I am neither old nor young. My life never did extinguish prematurely.

 

I see this predicament as very much aligned to my current health anxiety. Both instances borne out of trauma.

 

Let me know your thoughts when you have had time to mull them over. I am interested in your feedback. This experience is such a learning curve for us all, isn't it?!

 

Love & healing to you xxx

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

Link to comment

Thanks for your thoughts on these things Tilly. Indeed, a great deal of it resonated with me.

 

I also held the belief I wouldn't live a long life. That probably came through the abuse I dealt with, as well as the death of my Dad when I was very young. I think underneath, there was a large part of me that didn't really want to be here....where I felt undeserving not just of being happy, but of even being alive. Who knows how far back that feeling came from? Through some of the work I've done, as well as reading, I believe that those feelings can begin when we are in the womb...

 

Added to all of this were many life experiences where I believed I had failed--at work, relationships, my family, friendships. All of this, I took as evidence that as a failure, I really had no right at all to be here. When my health started to deteriorate rapidly on AD, and my wife became ill and died, I was certain that my time here was limited.

 

For whatever reasons, it was when I started doing qi gong, that something around this began to change. It was the first time in a very long time, that I felt something I was doing could have an impact on my health and well-being..something not dependent on taking a drug, or relying on someone else for healing. But deeper than that, it awakened some sense of wellness and a bubbling up of happiness that had been absent through much of my life.

 

I believe that my more recent health anxieties are more a fear of being engaged with the medical system. I'm not afraid of death itself, but I'm very afraid of western medical treatment. In my first visit with the new doctor, he told me that there's a necessity to treat early signs of colon cancer "aggressively". From my point of view, this is the whole problem with medicine here. I've seen so many people go down that rabbit hole, losing themselves and what they value in the quest to treat this or that aggressively. They are the same words my wife used around her own cancer...

 

Quite honestly, I'm seriously considering how I could opt out of some of the health screening. There's a lot of evidence on some of it that there is very little benefit. I'd like to learn to trust even deeper, that I know when something is amiss in my body. I feel best when I have the least contact with western medicine.

 

Of course, there is another layer to my fears of being ill. There is literally no one who would take care of me, should I become seriously ill. I'd be faced with living in some kind of assisted living situation. Losing my cats, my independence, and the opportunities to care myself in the ways I've learned to, does send a chill through me.

 

My biggest fear used to be that my family would somehow enter into things, when I was vulnerable. But I've insured legally, and through my 2 friends who would make medical decisions should I not be able to, that my family would not be allowed access to me. There's no way they could be involved in any decision-making either. At least that fear has been laid to rest.

 

You are still young, at least from my perspective. At age 60, I know that I'm not young, and that having lost many friends and loved ones, that there are no guarantees about living a long life. Parts of my life have come to an end (relationship), or are coming towards a close (work). This by no means signals that my life is over, but it does signal that I don't have forever. It's hard to put into words, but there comes a deep knowing, that time is limited. This is a very different sense than the one I carried from childhood. This is more an acceptance of the cycles of life and death.

 

Except for the results of this recent test, a lot of my previous health anxieties had really dissipated. Earlier on in WD, I obsessed and worried about every little symptom. Now, they mostly pass right through me. I see them and let them go. It will take some further work to let go of the deeper fears, around facing into illness alone, and especially of losing independence. Like most of us I suppose, I'd hope that my passing would happen more quickly, so that would be less of an issue or a short-lived one. But it's something I don't have control over....hence, the need to face into the fears, as best I can.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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“You have a unique body and mind, with a particular history and conditioning. No one can offer you a formula for navigating all situations and all states of mind. Only by listening inwardly in a fresh and open way will you discern at any given time what most serves your healing and freedom.”

 

~ Tara Brach, "True Refuge"

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

Link to comment

Thanks for your thoughts on these things Tilly. Indeed, a great deal of it resonated with me.

 

I also held the belief I wouldn't live a long life. That probably came through the abuse I dealt with, as well as the death of my Dad when I was very young. I think underneath, there was a large part of me that didn't really want to be here....where I felt undeserving not just of being happy, but of even being alive. Who knows how far back that feeling came from? Through some of the work I've done, as well as reading, I believe that those feelings can begin when we are in the womb...

 

Added to all of this were many life experiences where I believed I had failed--at work, relationships, my family, friendships. All of this, I took as evidence that as a failure, I really had no right at all to be here. When my health started to deteriorate rapidly on AD, and my wife became ill and died, I was certain that my time here was limited.

 

For whatever reasons, it was when I started doing qi gong, that something around this began to change. It was the first time in a very long time, that I felt something I was doing could have an impact on my health and well-being..something not dependent on taking a drug, or relying on someone else for healing. But deeper than that, it awakened some sense of wellness and a bubbling up of happiness that had been absent through much of my life.

 

I believe that my more recent health anxieties are more a fear of being engaged with the medical system. I'm not afraid of death itself, but I'm very afraid of western medical treatment. In my first visit with the new doctor, he told me that there's a necessity to treat early signs of colon cancer "aggressively". From my point of view, this is the whole problem with medicine here. I've seen so many people go down that rabbit hole, losing themselves and what they value in the quest to treat this or that aggressively. They are the same words my wife used around her own cancer...

 

Quite honestly, I'm seriously considering how I could opt out of some of the health screening. There's a lot of evidence on some of it that there is very little benefit. I'd like to learn to trust even deeper, that I know when something is amiss in my body. I feel best when I have the least contact with western medicine.

 

Of course, there is another layer to my fears of being ill. There is literally no one who would take care of me, should I become seriously ill. I'd be faced with living in some kind of assisted living situation. Losing my cats, my independence, and the opportunities to care myself in the ways I've learned to, does send a chill through me.

 

My biggest fear used to be that my family would somehow enter into things, when I was vulnerable. But I've insured legally, and through my 2 friends who would make medical decisions should I not be able to, that my family would not be allowed access to me. There's no way they could be involved in any decision-making either. At least that fear has been laid to rest.

 

You are still young, at least from my perspective. At age 60, I know that I'm not young, and that having lost many friends and loved ones, that there are no guarantees about living a long life. Parts of my life have come to an end (relationship), or are coming towards a close (work). This by no means signals that my life is over, but it does signal that I don't have forever. It's hard to put into words, but there comes a deep knowing, that time is limited. This is a very different sense than the one I carried from childhood. This is more an acceptance of the cycles of life and death.

 

Except for the results of this recent test, a lot of my previous health anxieties had really dissipated. Earlier on in WD, I obsessed and worried about every little symptom. Now, they mostly pass right through me. I see them and let them go. It will take some further work to let go of the deeper fears, around facing into illness alone, and especially of losing independence. Like most of us I suppose, I'd hope that my passing would happen more quickly, so that would be less of an issue or a short-lived one. But it's something I don't have control over....hence, the need to face into the fears, as best I can.

Hi Free,

 

A lot of what you have written resonates with me.

 

At times when we feel that we have failed, I think, from my perspective, I have doubted my purpose. But also, when things are going well I fear that something will go wrong to jeopardise the happiness or progress made. Maybe both of these situations arise from not feeling deserving enough?

You have made such amazing progress. Maybe the fear of something jeopardising it is creeping in currently?

 

 

From what you say, we both appear to achieve healing, happiness and peace from taking an active role in our own health and well being through qi gong, cycling, nature etc.

 

I think that you have hit on something for me that I had not consciously realised. I believe that I fear engaging with the established medical system as it stands. I believe that this is a natural reaction as this system has both failed us and those we have loved, not just in terms of outcomes, but in the (aggressive, non inclusive) methods of treatment.

 

I am planning to get my eyes tested soon as I feel that my prescription for my reading glasses has changed and I believe that this may alleviate some of the dizziness and eye tension that I experience that may not be solely due to withdrawal. I would also like to have a smear test as my body / hormones are changing and It has been many years since I have felt able to undertake this screening.

 

Otherwise, I am happy to increase my exercise to previous levels and continue to eat a nutritious diet to safeguard my health and listen to my body and what it needs.

 

I completely understand your fears about who will care for you should you ever be ill enough to need such care alongside fears about loss of independence and choice over the way you live your life. These thoughts pre occupy me at times and others I have known who are younger than me. I believe that this is a growing concern for so many people in a society where families are becoming increasingly fragmented. I am glad that at least your concerns surrounding your family's unwanted intervention is no longer a worry for you. 

 

There is nothing to say that you will not be in a different situation with someone to care for you, should the time come. I very much hope that is the case. You have given so much to others and have much to offer. I hope that a new relationship or companionship finds you when the time is right for it to present itself to you. 

 

Take good care of you. You are in my thoughts, Free. xxx

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

Link to comment

“You have a unique body and mind, with a particular history and conditioning. No one can offer you a formula for navigating all situations and all states of mind. Only by listening inwardly in a fresh and open way will you discern at any given time what most serves your healing and freedom.”

 

~ Tara Brach, "True Refuge"

This is a lovely quote. Very true. Thank you for posting, Free.

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

Link to comment

Thinking of you and wishing you peace.

 

Tilly x

 

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927

1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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