success ☼ freespirit: Mirtazapine withdrawal

[freespirit]

These things make me so angry and sad...it's terrible that you went through this. It's a shame he didn't have to pay you back AND lose his bloody license. Did you report him around the dream he recounted to you? There are some very screwed up therapists out there, some very inept ones, and precious few decent ones..at least in my experience.

 

The guy I reported is a trauma therapist, trained by Peter Levine. He's a published and respected therapist...who teaches masters level students at the university here. The thing that got me more than anything was that he simply did not understand or accept responsibility for what he did. His apology amounted to, "I'm sorry you felt that way."

 

I think there are very good reasons for us not to trust. I used to be hard on myself about it...now, I just realize I have to be very careful..and more than anything, I do my own healing as much as is possible.

 

It's pretty bad when you need help to get over what's happened to you through therapy.

[dalsaan]

There are some very screwed up therapists out there, some very inept ones, and precious few decent ones...

Absolutely, I coulnt agree more

[AliG]

This resonated with me,  . There's loss of so much, not just at the time of abuse, but a lifetime accumulation of losses of dreams, relationships, intimacy, health, etc. And of course trauma brings with it so much grief..which I found largely unacknowledged through therapy.   

 

 I've also had trauma, and like you have never found "therapy" helpful. It tended to "re- traumatize" me.  I've  been reading here and just wanted to say that I think you're handling this process, well.   Wishing you continued recovery.

[freespirit]

Thanks for stopping by Ali. Sorry that you too have been harmed by therapy. I suspect there are many of us in that boat..even though many therapists acted puzzled, as though I was the only one who didn't get better from their methods. Thanks for the good wishes. I appreciate them.

[Flowers]

Hi Freespirit!  Thanks so much for giving me all the info on foods and diet etc. It has certainly given me something to think about.

As I said I will try anything to help myself. This has given me food for thought (sorry about the pun!) and I will be reading the links you gave me with interest.

 

I do like most of the things you mentioned and as it is difficult for us to buy processed foods like ready meals here - don't like them much anyway - we tend to cook from first principles. I love garlic, ginger, herbs and fresh green veg so maybe need to step up using them a bit more.

 

I think this is definitely nerve pain. It moves around from different parts of my spine. The area can be tender to touch and then it's gone!!  It seems to vary in degrees and today it is not so bad thank goodness. I did manage to get some sleep too.

 

I have just started mindfulness which I do find relaxing and have had a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy and mindfulness with a  friend who has his own practice in UK via SKYPE! It's early days yet and I know I have to practice.

 

I am also finding magnesium oil helpful.

 

Once again thank you so much for taking the time to help me. Hope you are OK?

 

Flowers xxxx

[freespirit]

Glad to hear you got some sleep. Having pain during the night is always so much worse I find.

 

It sounds like you've got a good diet going already. Maybe some additions will prove helpful. It's always so hard to say..as it can seem like you're doing everything right and yet the symptoms are just part of the process.

 

Nearly all the physical issues I've had can be traced to inflammation..and maybe some of the mental/emotional ones too. I think stress and trauma have played a huge role in that.

 

Mindfulness can be a very helpful practice..and yes, like anything, it's a challenge getting an actual practice going..especially on your own. Are there any groups available where you live? In other places I've lived, I used to go weekly or at least attend retreats..there is virtually nothing here in that regard.

 

I haven't yet tried magnesium oil, but use lotion...however, the back pain is in an area very hard for me to reach. Nothing much seems to help yet with this pain. I'm considering seeing a chiropractor, as I've had past injuries to my back too...as well as a fall off my bicycle a few months ago. Perhaps those things are playing a role in this too.

 

I'm doing okay at the moment. Facing an anniversary date in about 10 days, so my emotions are all over the place..just as they have been through the grieving process...but it's harder having the physical side of wd so activated at the same time. Some nights am sleeping fine, while others I'm restless, sweaty, and feel like I've been through a war by the time I finally get up. Last night was one of those. Some days, I'm resorting to naps--because it's the only real rest I'm getting. I know that can potentially interfere with sleep, but experience has been that a nap generally helps. Otherwise, I'm bouncing off the walls and overtired by the time I go to bed..then can't sleep at all.

 

On the plus side, I've finally gotten a few things done I've been procrastinating on. I filed my taxes, claimed some medical expenses for insurance, and finished planting my garden. Often when I feel crappy physically and/or emotionally, it's hard to accomplish anything..so, I see that as a great sign of some progress. At least I can't add to the misery by telling myself I'm lazy.

 

And this morning, I picked the first roses of the season...my favorite part of having a garden.

[AliG]

  HI Free  ,  I too, love roses although mine have been sadly neglected.  I will have to rectify that.  I just wanted to thank you for the encouraging words on my thread. I really appreciate that. 

    

                   I was thinking about what you said about blood sugar. I have a theory that the A/D's totally mess with insulin , blood sugar, endocrine (thyroid),  cholesterol and metabolism  and more.  My cholesterol went through the roof and I have weight gain from the drugs, that I just can't budge no matter how much I diet and exercise.  Cortisol, complicates things further, in my opinion.   I think, like all the other symptoms, it might take years to resolve.  Just my thoughts, but I see a pattern with people here, complaining of similar conditions.

 

                  Anyway, I hope you get some relief from your symptoms, and continued recovery.

[freespirit]

Ali,

 

I've found roses to be quite resilient...mine have recovered from some neglect and in fact, did better during some of my absence.

 

I agree with you about the effects of ad. I too, gained a ton of weight, had high cholesterol and am coming to believe that remeron may have been the main source of high blood sugar. And yes, nothing I did made any change in weight or cholesterol when I was on the drugs. I've lost over half of what I gained, so still have a long way to go.

 

The endocrine system is very complex, so it's hard to know what might be happening. I know that ad have been associated with insulin resistance and very much believe I was dealing with that..so perhaps my pancreas was so used to putting out high levels of insulin for 10 years that it is still adjusting...

 

Thanks again for your good wishes...keep enjoying your window.

[AliG]

 Lucky you to have lost some of your weight.   This is my point , that some of us has seriously  stuffed up metabolism, that we can't lose weight.   I think we are dealing with high insulin, and cholesterol.   Anyway, just another  symptom , to deal with.  I hope you get some relief, soon.  Sending positive thoughts , your way,  Ali.

[MissTrish]

I got my cholesterol test results yesterday and was pleased and slightly surprised to find that they have actually dropped a bit.  My good cholesterol is high.  Not sure if that's because I'm on so much less a/d or because of my diet philosophy:  animal fats and olive oil okay; plant based oils no-no (except, I'll be honest, I do love fried chicken and tend to buy that sometimes).  I use olive oil and balsamic or rice vinegar on my salads, eat full fat yogurt, and real butter.  I'm convinced high cholesterol is related more to carbs, sugars, and plant-based fats than to anything else.

 

I lost 40 lbs a year or so ago on Weight Watchers but my cholesterol actually went up.  I think it's because of the low fat foods I was eating.

[freespirit]

 Lucky you to have lost some of your weight.   This is my point , that some of us has seriously  stuffed up metabolism, that we can't lose weight.   I think we are dealing with high insulin, and cholesterol.   Anyway, just another  symptom , to deal with.  I hope you get some relief, soon.  Sending positive thoughts , your way,  Ali.

 

I know I'm fortunate to have lost what I have so far. For the past couple of months, I've been cycling up and down the same 2-3 pounds. Frustrating. I refuse to count calories; I focus on eating good nutrition and since I'm eating no sugar, wheat, or dairy, I think my calories are relatively low anyway. I could probably lose if I could do a bit more intense exercise, but that isn't an option right now. I like to believe the combination of things I've been doing contributed to the weight loss...but it might have more to do with good luck than anything else.

[freespirit]

I got my cholesterol test results yesterday and was pleased and slightly surprised to find that they have actually dropped a bit.  My good cholesterol is high.  Not sure if that's because I'm on so much less a/d or because of my diet philosophy:  animal fats and olive oil okay; plant based oils no-no (except, I'll be honest, I do love fried chicken and tend to buy that sometimes).  I use olive oil and balsamic or rice vinegar on my salads, eat full fat yogurt, and real butter.  I'm convinced high cholesterol is related more to carbs, sugars, and plant-based fats than to anything else.

 

I lost 40 lbs a year or so ago on Weight Watchers but my cholesterol actually went up.  I think it's because of the low fat foods I was eating.

 

That's good news on your cholesterol. I tend to agree with you on part of what raises cholesterol is carbs...for some of us, at least, they tend to produce more inflammation..which results in more cholesterol. I haven't had mine checked in a long while, but will likely do so when I see the doc next week. I'll be interested to see what no meds, more exercise, weight loss, and a better diet have done.

 

I've never followed the diabetes diet, which in my view, is terrible. It has way more carbs than I'd ever eat. When I did the education program and saw a dietician, they expect you to eat 45-60 carbs per meal and 3 snacks of 15 carbs each. If I did that, I'd weigh 500 pounds and be on insulin right now. They also restrict animal fat, and well most fats, except plant-based fats. The dietician wanted me to drink milk 3 or 4 times a day too...which would have never worked in my body. They seem to know nothing about current research and are still in the dark ages. They told me it's fine to drink diet pop (never do it), as long as you limit to 10 or so per day..right..and believe that margarine is superior to butter...never touch the stuff. I too, only eat butter.

 

A lot of people with diabetes end up on antidepressants. There is some link between the 2, although not known for sure exactly what...possibly inflammation, some people speculate. But, we know what happens to weight, cholesterol and insulin resistance on the drugs..so, people end up getting blamed for not "trying hard enough" at their diet or exercise..when it's the damn meds that are making them sicker....plus, the recommended diabetes diet.

 

There is no history of diabetes in my family on either side. And while you can get it without a family history...it is less likely. I've read that mirt can increase the risk of diabetes by as much as 84%, if you are on longer than 2 years and/or are on a higher dose. Wish I'd known that before I took the drugs.

[Flowers]

Glad to hear you got some sleep. Having pain during the night is always so much worse I find.

 

It sounds like you've got a good diet going already. Maybe some additions will prove helpful. It's always so hard to say..as it can seem like you're doing everything right and yet the symptoms are just part of the process.

 

Nearly all the physical issues I've had can be traced to inflammation..and maybe some of the mental/emotional ones too. I think stress and trauma have played a huge role in that.

 

Mindfulness can be a very helpful practice..and yes, like anything, it's a challenge getting an actual practice going..especially on your own. Are there any groups available where you live? In other places I've lived, I used to go weekly or at least attend retreats..there is virtually nothing here in that regard.

 

I haven't yet tried magnesium oil, but use lotion...however, the back pain is in an area very hard for me to reach. Nothing much seems to help yet with this pain. I'm considering seeing a chiropractor, as I've had past injuries to my back too...as well as a fall off my bicycle a few months ago. Perhaps those things are playing a role in this too.

 

I'm doing okay at the moment. Facing an anniversary date in about 10 days, so my emotions are all over the place..just as they have been through the grieving process...but it's harder having the physical side of wd so activated at the same time. Some nights am sleeping fine, while others I'm restless, sweaty, and feel like I've been through a war by the time I finally get up. Last night was one of those. Some days, I'm resorting to naps--because it's the only real rest I'm getting. I know that can potentially interfere with sleep, but experience has been that a nap generally helps. Otherwise, I'm bouncing off the walls and overtired by the time I go to bed..then can't sleep at all.

 

On the plus side, I've finally gotten a few things done I've been procrastinating on. I filed my taxes, claimed some medical expenses for insurance, and finished planting my garden. Often when I feel crappy physically and/or emotionally, it's hard to accomplish anything..so, I see that as a great sign of some progress. At least I can't add to the misery by telling myself I'm lazy.

 

And this morning, I picked the first roses of the season...my favorite part of having a garden.

Roses - how wonderful to be able to pick your own. I love gardening and flowers hence my name on here!

 

I haven't been able to find any group related mindfulness here. There is very little Yoga or anything else like that going on. I will keep on practising and hope to feel some benefits soon.

 

So sorry you are having to  go through an anniversary date soon. Not easy with all the other things going on rocking the boat. Will you have some company on the day in question? I do hope you will not be alone unless you choose to be.

 

You have done well organising your finances and gardening, especially if you have had little sleep. I must admit if I feel drowsy enough to sleep during the day I just give in to it. I always feel better afterwards and I feel it is my body telling me I need it. Shame it doesn't work like that at night though!!

 

I'm going to make a stir fry meal tonight. Lots of veg grown by the farmer next door, garlic and ginger. I suddenly thought that I rarely use ginger in cooking even though I love it. So here goes.

 

Take care.

 

Flowers xxx

[freespirit]

Sounds like a great dinner Flowers; what time should I be there? lol. It is a bit of a trek from western Canada to Spain though.

 

I love ginger and use it in everything from cooked cereal to smoothies.

 

I will likely be alone on that day, but by choice. It's my wedding anniversary. I'm looking for a lilac to plant...other than that, will probably take a walk in one of our favorite places and spend some time looking at old photos...possibly do some writing. I often find the lead up is more difficult than the day itself.

 

Too bad there are no appropriate groups there for meditation. It's good you have support through your friend, via skype. Technology can help a lot with isolation. There are some good resources on the web too. I was seldom able to do retreats with the teacher I worked with, but listened to her talks every week online..and did the occasional phone call. Not the same as sitting with a group, but much better than nothing.

 

Take care and hope you enjoy your dinner.

[bluebalu86]

Hi freespirit

 

Thank you for your input on my thread. I think your opinion and point of view on many topics is very valuable and interesting for me. 

[Flowers]

You would have been very welcome! It was delicious! Ginger in smoothies - now there's an idea! Yum!

 

I thought it might be your wedding anniversary. I hope  you will find comfort in your  memories of happy times spent together. Planting a tree is a beautiful idea. I love lilac and miss the spring blooms on the tree I had in my garden in England so much.

 

The only relatives I have left are in Canada. I have never been there but they have visited us in UK. Do you know Sooke on Vancouver Island?

 

xxx

[freespirit]

Hi freespirit

 

Thank you for your input on my thread. I think your opinion and point of view on many topics is very valuable and interesting for me. 

Thanks for stopping by....the great thing about being on a board like this is that we each have very diverse experiences and knowledge to bring in...like a smorgasbord or tapestry. I appreciate reading your posts too. 

[freespirit]

You would have been very welcome! It was delicious! Ginger in smoothies - now there's an idea! Yum!

 

I thought it might be your wedding anniversary. I hope  you will find comfort in your  memories of happy times spent together. Planting a tree is a beautiful idea. I love lilac and miss the spring blooms on the tree I had in my garden in England so much.

 

The only relatives I have left are in Canada. I have never been there but they have visited us in UK. Do you know Sooke on Vancouver Island?

 

xxx

 

I've planted something each year on our anniversary, since my wife died...a couple of roses and another tree. I initially thought I wouldn't stay long in this house, but I've found watching things grow has been very encouraging and supportive for me. While I dislike the many months of grey, it is a great place for gardening..like being able to grow things that don't do well in harsher climates. Last year, the roses were magnificent and I expect they will be this year too. Having flowers is good for my spirit...

 

Yes, I know where Sooke is..though I haven't spent time there. I'm actually not that far away from it.

[freespirit]

I think it's been awhile since I posted an update on here.

 

Mostly, I feel I'm managing okay. I'm back to sleeping 6 or 7 hours most nights and am not feeling so exhausted during the days. Now having to eat something every night before bed or I will otherwise wake up from very low blood sugar during the night..and consequently feel lousy the whole day afterwards.

 

Had a very upsetting visit with my doctor yesterday. I was actually in a very good mood when I went in. He asked me about medications and one by one, I told him I'm no longer taking any of them--except for thyroid. He tried to lecture me about the diabetes meds but I told him to look at my blood work for the past year. My values are all what a non-diabetic would have. Why would I continue to take a med that I clearly do not need? He then lectured me about asthma, which I never believed I had in the first place. I have zero symptoms and my lung capacity has doubled since I got off remeron and stopped taking the asthma drugs. I've told him repeatedly I've never had an asthma attack and that the rescue drug makes my breathing worse, not better...

 

I told him all the things I'm doing and about losing the weight. I told him I no longer have depression. He grabs his prescription pad and says, "what about mood--you seem down today". WTF? Did you not hear anything I told you? I'm exercising, meditating, eating a healthy diet, working in my garden, got outside nearly every day in the winter...and who do you know who does all that when they are depressed? Maybe I don't appear jolly and happy because I can't stand stupid doctors!!!!!!

 

I was so stunned that I didn't know how to respond. I came away realizing that this stupid doc, like a lot of people, mistake my quiet and more reserved manner for depression. I'm not a dance on tables kind of person. That doesn't make me depressed; it just makes me who I am. Needless to say, I came away very angry.

 

I talked to him about my back pain, which now includes some weakness in my arms...he reluctantly said he's send me for an x-ray to see about arthritis. I already know there is extensive arthritis in my back and neck..and an x-ray will not show if there's a problem with a disc. So, he's useless when it comes to actually investigating anything..and this is the first time in almost 5 years I've asked for anything like this..so not like I'm asking for something every time I go in there.

 

I came home and searched, but the only doctors within a 75 mile range taking patients are ones that have the worst reviews you could imagine. There is no walk-in clinic here or I would just opt for that. I only need to doc to fill one script a year, and write the requests for blood work for diabetes and thyroid. But I feel I just cannot go back to this guy. I'm still so angry for how he treated and mistreated my wife when she was ill. I do not want to keep placing myself in this presence. Maybe I just have to let go and hope for the best in terms of finding someone else...

 

On a more positive front, I've been working on some things around the house. The fences have needed staining for years, but I simply felt unable to do it. I spent a few days early in the week preparing one area and yesterday, a neighbor and his son came over to help me with the staining. Together, we are going to do all the fences. I'll do the decks myself, which feels totally manageable. I have someone coming to paint the house later this summer. Slowly, I'll be able to bring the place back to something I feel more comfortable with.

 

I can't believe how unmotivated I became on remeron. Even on days where I haven't slept well, I am more interested in projects and can achieve small things that seemed impossible when I was on the drugs. I'm seeing more and more hints of the person I was before ad. That dense fog and weight I lived under for years is gradually dissipating. Every day, I gain stronger resolve about not taking any drugs over the long term.

 

I found an online version of qi gong classes, which I'm completely stoked about.  Though I'd love to go and do some training, traveling right now isn't really an option, given my dietary restrictions. So, I get to work with a teacher and have input on my practice, without going anywhere. I can watch the videos anytime, so it's still practicing whenever works for me. It means I'm doing at least an hour of practice a day, plus a meditation..and am definitely already feeling the benefits from doing this.

 

Today will be another day of staining fences...it's good to be able to do some big projects again.

[indigo]

Thanks for sharing so much. Your lifestyle seems so much like mine which also revolves around working on my land.

 Doctor visit was total downer. How maddening to have to deal with his lack of respect for all your amazing progress. 

There maybe doctors  online with whom you could skype. 

[MissTrish]

Wow, Freespirit, your doctor seems to be on an 'only doctor in town' power trip.  I am sorry you have had to deal with him.  It seems you could hardly do worse, unless you steel yourself just to see him for what you need, and have no expectation of a happy visit.  I'm glad he agreed to arrange checking into your back.  I feel fortunate to live in an area where I have a nice selection of doctors (unless I need a specialist; that's a whole other story!  To get my psych meds, there is really only one place I can go to see a psychiatrist, that will take my insurance).

 

That is exciting about your Qi Gong classes!  I did a class of kundalini yoga with some friends last weekend and it was quite lovely.  I'm trying to do a little bit of chakra work more often and to bump up my meditation some.  I recently was certified as a Reiki level II practitioner, so I've been sending healing energy every morning with a bit of meditation.  And I use it on myself as well.

 

I love reading about your progress, and love that you can recognize your healing yourself, despite what some narrow minded "doctor" says.

[freespirit]

Thanks for sharing so much. Your lifestyle seems so much like mine which also revolves around working on my land.

 Doctor visit was total downer. How maddening to have to deal with his lack of respect for all your amazing progress. 

There maybe doctors  online with whom you could skype. 

Hi Indigo,

 

Thanks for the suggestion about a doctor online. I'll look into whether we have this in Canada at all. What a relief that could be.

 

Being outside is really some of the best medicine for me..nice when I can achieve something while being outside, but even sitting on a bench at the beach helps.

[freespirit]

Wow, Freespirit, your doctor seems to be on an 'only doctor in town' power trip.  I am sorry you have had to deal with him.  It seems you could hardly do worse, unless you steel yourself just to see him for what you need, and have no expectation of a happy visit.  I'm glad he agreed to arrange checking into your back.  I feel fortunate to live in an area where I have a nice selection of doctors (unless I need a specialist; that's a whole other story!  To get my psych meds, there is really only one place I can go to see a psychiatrist, that will take my insurance).

 

That is exciting about your Qi Gong classes!  I did a class of kundalini yoga with some friends last weekend and it was quite lovely.  I'm trying to do a little bit of chakra work more often and to bump up my meditation some.  I recently was certified as a Reiki level II practitioner, so I've been sending healing energy every morning with a bit of meditation.  And I use it on myself as well.

 

I love reading about your progress, and love that you can recognize your healing yourself, despite what some narrow minded "doctor" says.

Miss Trish,

 

That's so cool about Reiki. I also have level 2, which I did a long time ago. Last year, I took an animal Reiki course. In that, I learned how to chant one of the symbols, which works much better for me than trying to visualize it. For a long while, I was chanting every day and it really helped..maybe I need to pick that up again. There are so many good, positive things one can do..sometimes, it's hard to fit everything in!

 

I envy you having choice in practitioners. I would have fired this doc a long time ago, if I had thought of another option. I did realize yesterday that some years ago, I saw a doctor in a large practice about 45 minutes away. We left, because she went on maternity leave and was gone for several years. Her husband was seeing her patients and I really didn't care for him. But it's possible I'm still on their list and could go back. She could be a bit abrupt, but wasn't a pill pusher. And she was the doc who finally heard about my exhaustion and snoring, so sent me for a sleep study. She would be a better option for what I need now..especially because I have my naturopath, who I see for most things I know western medicine has little to offer.

[freespirit]

Update

 

I'm still ruminating and angry about the doc visit on Thursday. In fact, I woke in the middle of the night last night and was awake for several hours...stewing about it. It's been typical for me to wait on things like this and later write a letter or not. I'm feeling this time I may book an appointment to go back and express my dissatisfaction and fire the jerk.

 

I looked on the province's doctor's regulations and the first principle listed is "to treat patients with respect"....and I also looked at what's involved in making a complaint. Not sure if I will take that step or not. When I did that with the therapist who violated boundaries, I just got more angry because there was so little done in response to that complaint. So, it comes down to what will be the best for me in all of this...still mulling.

 

I've worked hard all this week on the fences and have 1/3 completed now. It made a huge difference having help, which I so seldom ask for. I'm going to take a few days break from it, to rest..and also, because tomorrow is my anniversary. I want to spend the day doing some things to honor the memories.

 

Though I've had more anger this week, I'm not feeling the dread I normally do around anniversary or other days...and not as much sadness as sometimes either. Last night was the only night I didn't sleep well...usually have more insomnia around significant dates....and though I worked hard this week and exercised most days, my energy has remained quite good. I feel tired at the end of the day, but not overly so. I took breaks while I was working, and drank plenty of water.

 

I am ever so slowly increasing the intensity of exercise on the bike. That means sometimes riding a shade harder for 15-30 seconds, followed by normal riding..doing a few times in the period of exercise..and have increased the time on the bike by about 5 minutes. It doesn't feel like pushing myself, but more gently stretching..and so far, no negative impact. Keeping cooler seems to be key to reducing the symptoms....and my blood sugar has been more stable too.

 

The issues with food and histamine are ongoing. I seem to go along fine, then suddenly get hit with more symptoms (mostly hives and some digestive issues)...and can't identify what might have caused them. I'm also getting bored with the ways I'm eating..and frustrated with feeling so restricted about eating anything out.

 

I think this afternoon will entail a nap and sitting outside on the deck. I can admire my hard work on the fence....

[Flowers]

Hi Freespirit

 

I am  pleased  for you that you  have achieved so much in the garden with the fences. Hard work but very satisfying enjoying an enhanced garden.

 

I totally understand your predicament with your Doctor. He certainly doesn't seem to know his patients very well! I am so sorry that you had an upsetting consultation with him and hope you can find an alternative Dr soon. I hope the XRay gives the diagnosis to enable you to get treatment and  relief from the pain in your back.

 

You seem to be doing quite well  on the whole which is good to hear. I wish you a peaceful day tomorrow and will be thinking of you.

 

Flowers xxx

[MissTrish]

Freespirit, I think that finding it hard to let go of anger, for me at least, is sometimes part of my w/d process.  Most of the time I'm pretty good at letting go of things, after determining that there is nothing more I can do about it.  And sometimes it does help me to write a letter expressing everything I feel, but not to send it.  But there are times when it just seems that no matter what I am feeling the resentment and anger.  I know you will find the best path for yourself in this doctor situation.

 

I understand the eating boredom thing!

 

Sending you thoughts and energies of peace and serenity.

[freespirit]

Thanks for thinking of me Flowers. I had an okay day, though different than the other anniversaries. I ended up spending a good share of the day cleaning house and moving furniture..which will not make my cats very happy, as they don't like change. I bought a rose to plant, as I've been unable to find a lilac. But I was too tired to plant it last night. Today it's raining, so maybe will wait for a day or 2...or might buy a big pot for it and keep it on my deck.

 

I'm not sure I'll go back to this doc for the results of the x-rays. Will see what I can do about finding someone else instead. I know that the next one is not likely to be any different, but at least I won't have the history with them to contend with. I realized too, that drugs are the only thing they will offer and since that isn't really an option, I'd be better off seeing a chiropractor or getting acupuncture.

[freespirit]

I appreciate your perspective Miss Trish. I've had more rumination while taking Remeron and during withdrawal especially. I wouldn't say it's always easy for me to let go...but the drugs have provided another level of difficulty with it. I've sometimes had the tendency to try and force the process of letting go, which doesn't work very well either. I'm having to relearn some of these skills.

 

The other thing is that when I'm in more grief, as I have been around this anniversary, I am also more likely to get angry. It's useful then, to wait on taking any action, until things settle a bit.

 

I think in a way, I've been waiting for something to happen with the doc that really gets me...in order to finally make the step to do something about it. In some ways, he's been okay..or more so in the first few years I was seeing him. My wife was always so insistent that it was important to have a family doctor, and not rely on walk-in clinics. However, having a family doc did zero to protect her from some lousy things happening during her illness. If I had something serious, I don't think I'd want this guy taking care of me.

[Flowers]

Hi Freespirit

 

Thanks for stopping by my thread and being so supportive - it means a lot.

 

Sometimes it's good to keep busy when we are upset - I was thinking of you. A rose is very appropriate and will keep your wife's memory alive for a long time to come.

 

All my animals hate any change too in the house - they have their favourite spots!

 

I didn't go to my Dr with the back pain as I knew he would only dish out painkillers that I wouldn't want to take. Will chiropractors be happy to treat you without an XRay? I have never been to one so don't really know how they operate. Maybe you could go back to this Dr for the XRay results just so you know all is OK in your spine. You don't have to take the drugs he will probably prescribe.

 

Well, yes I always thought it was important to have a family Dr who knew your history etc but have lost faith in all that now. My family Dr in the UK  told me I would have to take AD's for the rest of my life and look where that has got me!  Now I think it is important to have a good Dr who listens to his patients and is open to natural therapies too. You have to have a good relationship with them so you can work together.  It is hard here as there is the language problem. I do speak Spanish but struggle with medical terminology. especially WD and CNS etc  Everyone here treats Dr's like they are God and never question them. The medical system and care is good but the relationship with the Dr is very formal. You are allocated a GP and that is it, you have no choice.

 

I hope things are more flexible in Canada and that you find a good solution soon.

 

What sort of cats to do you have? Are they pedigrees or moggies. Ours are all rescued - there are many abandoned animals here in Spain. It is so sad.

 

xxx

[freespirit]

Thanks for thinking of me Flowers. I really appreciate it.

 

I normally spend a lot of time on significant days reminiscing, looking at photos and doing some writing. I felt sort of guilty about doing things differently. But I somehow needed to do what I did. The house was a bit of a mess, given I'd been working hard outside over the past few weeks. And changing things around often helps me for some reason.

 

I haven't seen a chiropractor in decades, so not sure if they will work without an x-ray. The woman who has been recommended to me does very gentle adjustments, plus does craniosacral therapy..something I've had very good success with in the past. I would see someone for acupuncture, if I had a recommendation. I might ask around on that one.

 

I was thinking yesterday that I might take into the doctor some of the research I found on alternatives to drugs that treat asthma, depression, reflux, etc. There are some remarkable studies. Like one that showed doing deep breathing on a daily basis did the same thing as PPI do...minus the bad side effects. I've found doctors here have zero interest or tolerance for alternative care.  

 

There is a severe shortage of doctors here. That's my main limitation. I can change to someone else, if I can find another doc. I honestly think this is a big part of the problem. Doctors are overworked, but also, they know it's almost impossible to find another one...so they must feel they can get away with anything. Plus, the state of health care in this country in general is not very good.

 

Do you have a doc there you feel you can work with? I think it could be difficult getting assigned someone, without a choice. Are doctors open to other forms of healing there?

 

My cats came from the cat rescue here. They were kittens, which we fostered first--until they were old enough to be adopted. The male cat has a sensitive nervous system like mine. It's odd though, because he is intensely curious and is outgoing..but reacts strongly to any kind of change. His sister is shy and reserved, but does not get upset by things being moved around. They are orange tabbies..so nothing fancy, but both are incredibly sweet and loving.

[freespirit]

Update

 

Yesterday, I decided to try taking a krill oil capsule. I'd stopped them last November because it was the last thing I could think of in terms of histamine issues..and within a few days, the symptoms settled down. My stomach was upset all day yesterday and still is today. I also had some weird head rushes and quite a few bouts of intense heat. I felt like my head was going to explode. So, the oil is a bust for now. It's disappointing, as it definitely helped for a few months in WD in terms of mood, pain, and energy.

 

Whether it was the oil or it being close to my anniversary I don't know...but I woke up in a foul mood this morning. I was fine when I went to bed last night. I've been angry for hours and ruminating over a couple of things that are bugging me.

 

I decided though, it was time to try and do something about the pain in my back. It's making life miserable and limiting me in things I want to be doing. I have an appointment with the chiropractor on Friday. Right now, I'm less worried about it doing anything untoward to my nervous system..and more concerned about what I'll do if it doesn't help at all. Of course, I don't expect one treatment will cure it..and maybe it will take a few to even see improvement.

 

I also made the decision to order some tart cherry capsules. I know I can tolerate the juice, but the sugar in it concerns me...and also, it's not possible for me to drink enough of it to perhaps get the benefits I need. I haven't tried any new supplements since the disaster I had last fall from taking one digestive enzyme. I checked all the ingredients in the tart cherry and it should be okay. But who knows? I don't seem to be reacting the way I was to things, in spite of the experience with the krill oil. I hope this supplement will be okay, as it's supposed to help with allergies and inflammation. My joints, in addition to my back, are pretty painful these days. I can no longer take glucosamine, which also used to help reduce arthritis pain.

 

Are we having fun yet???

 

It's 2 years this month since I started tapering. I didn't record the date for some reason....what a hell this time has been. I don't think back too much to how bad it was at times, as I don't want to dwell on it. But it's been a long and miserable journey. The only people I would wish this on are the docs and psychiatrists who prescribe these drugs. They really ought to feel it, to understand the consequences of their actions. Short of that, I hope that karma really does exist and they will in some way, reap what they have sown. So much for being Zen today.

[direstraits]

I agree completely!!

[Frustrated]

Reep what they sow! YES!

[Flowers]

Thanks for thinking of me Flowers. I really appreciate it.

 

I normally spend a lot of time on significant days reminiscing, looking at photos and doing some writing. I felt sort of guilty about doing things differently. But I somehow needed to do what I did. The house was a bit of a mess, given I'd been working hard outside over the past few weeks. And changing things around often helps me for some reason.

 

I haven't seen a chiropractor in decades, so not sure if they will work without an x-ray. The woman who has been recommended to me does very gentle adjustments, plus does craniosacral therapy..something I've had very good success with in the past. I would see someone for acupuncture, if I had a recommendation. I might ask around on that one.

 

I was thinking yesterday that I might take into the doctor some of the research I found on alternatives to drugs that treat asthma, depression, reflux, etc. There are some remarkable studies. Like one that showed doing deep breathing on a daily basis did the same thing as PPI do...minus the bad side effects. I've found doctors here have zero interest or tolerance for alternative care.  

 

There is a severe shortage of doctors here. That's my main limitation. I can change to someone else, if I can find another doc. I honestly think this is a big part of the problem. Doctors are overworked, but also, they know it's almost impossible to find another one...so they must feel they can get away with anything. Plus, the state of health care in this country in general is not very good.

 

Do you have a doc there you feel you can work with? I think it could be difficult getting assigned someone, without a choice. Are doctors open to other forms of healing there?

 

My cats came from the cat rescue here. They were kittens, which we fostered first--until they were old enough to be adopted. The male cat has a sensitive nervous system like mine. It's odd though, because he is intensely curious and is outgoing..but reacts strongly to any kind of change. His sister is shy and reserved, but does not get upset by things being moved around. They are orange tabbies..so nothing fancy, but both are incredibly sweet and loving.

Your cats sound so cute! I love tabby cats. Well I love all cats!!

 

My Dr is OK but is always trying to get me to take valium! Need I say anymore. I don't think they would have a clue about alternative therapies to be honest!

 

The Psychiatrist I saw in Feb was South American and did have some interesting views. He said he would support me if I wanted to taper off Citalopram. He didn't want to  prescribe anymore drugs to 'ease WD' and suggested Yoga and gentle walking each day. He did seem to know a little about withdrawal but said he thought it was very rare that people were so badly affected. I felt quite refreshed by this but when I told my Dr all this he just looked at me like I was crazy and had imagined it all!!!

 

I suppose all we can do is keep trying alternative therapies and supplements and hope they may help. I wish you well at the Chiropractors.

[MissTrish]

Good morning, Freespirit.

How was your night last night?

Life can be a hard road at times.  I am learning to find the rays of light within the darkness, at least most of the time.  And I'm grateful for those around me who can show me those rays when I can't see them for myself.  You have been very good at doing that for others.

I am hoping your day today is a better one.  I am glad you are making some decisions about back care.

Some days all we can do is walk the walk and trust that there will be other days that are better.  There always are.

Thinking of you today.

[freespirit]

Flowers,

 

I love cats too (obviously). I know that I'm exceptionally biased, but these 2 are both very sweet...and they love each other. They are brother and sister. We had 2 brothers before and they seriously disliked one another, except at the very beginning and very end of their lives. It's so much easier living in a harmonious home...especially because these 2 are indoor cats. 

 

That seems progressive of the psychiatrist you saw to be open to yoga and walking as medicine. I guess most people don't tell their docs or psychs how bad WD can be, for fear of being medicated again. It sounds like that guy was open to hearing at least. I've said almost nothing to my doc, except that it was a miserable process.

 

I think you're right that we need to just keep on trying things. The body and mind keep changing, and we need to change along with them. For me, it's progress to consider seeing other practitioners. I feel more confident about being able to take care of myself and know if it's helpful or not.