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☼ freespirit: Mirtazapine withdrawal

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freespirit

 

freespirit-a-life-free-from-antidepressants

 

I've been reading on here for awhile, but hadn't felt able to post. I've appreciated what I've read and found it helpful for the WD process.

 

I took about a year and a half to come off mirt...which was probably too fast, as I can see in hindsight. I'd been on it almost 10 years by the time I finally stopped taking it.

 

The most helpful things have been: daily qi gong practice (moving and some sitting meditation practice), exercise, eating a healthy diet, being in nature, listening to music, playing Wii, guided imagery, hypnosis, and precious few supplements.

 

I started the process of reducing just a year and a half after my wife died. Some people would think this an insane time to do this, but I literally felt the AD was killing me. But it has made things confusing, where I'm often unable to tell if the emotions I'm experiencing are grief or AD withdrawal.

 

After 10 years of being on this drug, I literally felt it was killing me. I'd gained 70 pounds and developed diabetes, asthma, acid reflux, sleep apnea, and fibromyalgia. Since coming off Remeron, I've also been able to stop taking meds for pain, reflux, asthma, diabetes. I went from 7 meds down to 1 (low thyroid med).

 

After stopping mirt, I developed histamine intolerance. Since then, I've radically changed my diet and have had to stop a number of the supplements I was taking. I can no longer tolerate krill oil or magnesium...and have had to turn more attention towards managing the HI.

 

I now tell friends that no amount of money in the world would ever make me go back on AD again. I can see now how clouded my mind was by taking them, and how much they increased suicidal thoughts..as well as making me numb to so much of life. While withdrawal has been horrible, at least I feel that I'm moving towards being alive again.

 

At the moment, I seem to be in another wave..although it coincided with the anniversary of my wife's death and birthday...but stress and strong emotions do seem to influence and increase WD symptoms. I'd like to say I'm getting better at riding the waves..but the truth is, I'm getting damn sick of them!

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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dalsaan

Hi freespirit

 

Welcome to SA. I'm sorry about the passing of your wife and the experiences you've had with mirtazapine. Emotional distress does exacerbate withdrawal symptoms because they are both being processed with the same nervous system. Be gentle with yourself. An anniversary of the passing of a loved one is a very difficult time.

 

I'm glad you decided to come of the AD and I hear you on its effects. I've been on it for ten years bad have been coming off for two and a half years.

 

Can I ask you to complete your signature. That provides a shorthand version of your drug history so that you don't have to repeat it. Instructions are here-http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Do you have any questions or anything we can help with? What are your current withdrawal symptoms?

 

Dalsaan


Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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freespirit

Thanks for your reply. I'm not sure what else to add to my signature. I don't have any memory of when I did each decrease, or how much I went down each time.

 

At the moment, withdrawal symptoms include: disrupted sleep, wild mood swings, anger (or rage to be more accurate), a few headaches, low energy, obsessive negative thinking, plus the assortment of things that come with histamine intolerance--hives, sneezing, temp. fluctuations, digestive issues.

 

I mostly wanted to sign on because of the extreme isolation I feel living here. That comes from being both a grieving widow (and there are very few gay people here), the AD withdrawal process, plus the fact that I've never felt that I belonged here. Being emotional distraught and physically unwell has only added the the sense of aloneness. Not only is it hard to plan anything, I can no longer do things like going for meals with anyone..simply too impossible because of the many diet restrictions from histamine intolerance.

 

I feel like I'm constantly having to adjust nearly everything I'm doing. On some days, a few minutes of qi gong is all I need for calming my nervous system. Other days, it takes much longer. Some days, exercise is the ticket..and others, it stirs everything up and seems counterproductive. I'm also juggling managing blood sugar without meds..so I can't stop exercising altogether..nor would I want to. Exercise has been key to helping my mood, along with losing half the weight I gained on the bloody AD.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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UselessSpork

I feel like I'm constantly having to adjust nearly everything I'm doing. On some days, a few minutes of qi gong is all I need for calming my nervous system. Other days, it takes much longer. Some days, exercise is the ticket..and others, it stirs everything up and seems counterproductive. I'm also juggling managing blood sugar without meds..so I can't stop exercising altogether..nor would I want to. Exercise has been key to helping my mood, along with losing half the weight I gained on the bloody AD.

 

I am trying to get off Mirtazapine aswell and this last statement speaks to me. Some days somethings seem to work, and other days they dont.. or they make it worse, its a constant annoying battle huh? The mirtazapine also messed with my tolerence to histamine, although it seems to be getting better now. Is the quality of your days really inconsistent? like will have a good day then a bad right after, then maybe another bad then another good, or whichever. It seems there are alot of people on this forum trying to get off mirtazapine, at least we picked a popular one right?


(November 26 2013) Had a reaction to taking CBD oil and had a panic attack that started this whole thing.

(November 9 2014) 8.6 months on Mirtazapine, started tapering down random amounts.

(January 17 2015) *STOPPED TAKING MIRTAZAPINE* after an unstable 2 month taper.

(February 5 2015) *REINSTATED at 3.9 MG OF MIRTAZAPINE* after nearly 3 weeks of a very unstable windows and waves pattern

(February 5 2015 ) Felt better right away after reinstating, am more stable than i was at 0mg, but am still not as stable as i was PRE-TAPER.

(April 19 2015) After waiting around 2 months from Feb 5 and i started to feel ok enough, i reduced from 3.9 mg to 3.5 mg. then continued to reduce by about .4 mg every 2 or so weeks.

The reductions were going quite smoothly and i wasn't feeling too bad in general... until...

(July 13 2015) Shortly after reducing from 1.9 mg to 1.6 mg i hit a wall and my mood started to become noticeably worse in general

(August 4) after not really improving much i reduced from 1.6 mg to 1.5 mg, and i have been holding ever since.

I feel bad in general these days despite holding, and feel im not too much better than i was during January 17 to February 5 after jumping off at 4 MG.

I am questioning if taking the drug is actually making me worse, i dunno.

 

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Lookingforhope55

Sorry for your loss. You have found a great community here. Lots of great information and support. This is a good place to talk and let people know how you are doing. I don't know anyone here, but i do check in on people and pray nightly for everyone here.

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freespirit

 

I feel like I'm constantly having to adjust nearly everything I'm doing. On some days, a few minutes of qi gong is all I need for calming my nervous system. Other days, it takes much longer. Some days, exercise is the ticket..and others, it stirs everything up and seems counterproductive. I'm also juggling managing blood sugar without meds..so I can't stop exercising altogether..nor would I want to. Exercise has been key to helping my mood, along with losing half the weight I gained on the bloody AD.

 

I am trying to get off Mirtazapine aswell and this last statement speaks to me. Some days somethings seem to work, and other days they dont.. or they make it worse, its a constant annoying battle huh? The mirtazapine also messed with my tolerence to histamine, although it seems to be getting better now. Is the quality of your days really inconsistent? like will have a good day then a bad right after, then maybe another bad then another good, or whichever. It seems there are alot of people on this forum trying to get off mirtazapine, at least we picked a popular one right?

 

The quality of my days is very inconsistent. I can't even say a time of day is worse or better than another. However, this has also been true through the grief process and before I started tapering. I can literally be crying one minute and laughing the next. It's unnerving to say the least.

The main thing that has helped me is the qi gong practice, which I started before the taper. Even if it only calms me for a short time, it's a time I otherwise wouldn't get. I don't think I could have come off mirt. without qi gong..and help through my naturopath.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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UselessSpork

The inconsistency is whats the worst i find, the unpredictability introduces anticipatory anxiety in me. Either way its good that you found something that has helped, i couldn't imagine going through a loss then having to deal with withdrawals, you are very strong willed my friend!


(November 26 2013) Had a reaction to taking CBD oil and had a panic attack that started this whole thing.

(November 9 2014) 8.6 months on Mirtazapine, started tapering down random amounts.

(January 17 2015) *STOPPED TAKING MIRTAZAPINE* after an unstable 2 month taper.

(February 5 2015) *REINSTATED at 3.9 MG OF MIRTAZAPINE* after nearly 3 weeks of a very unstable windows and waves pattern

(February 5 2015 ) Felt better right away after reinstating, am more stable than i was at 0mg, but am still not as stable as i was PRE-TAPER.

(April 19 2015) After waiting around 2 months from Feb 5 and i started to feel ok enough, i reduced from 3.9 mg to 3.5 mg. then continued to reduce by about .4 mg every 2 or so weeks.

The reductions were going quite smoothly and i wasn't feeling too bad in general... until...

(July 13 2015) Shortly after reducing from 1.9 mg to 1.6 mg i hit a wall and my mood started to become noticeably worse in general

(August 4) after not really improving much i reduced from 1.6 mg to 1.5 mg, and i have been holding ever since.

I feel bad in general these days despite holding, and feel im not too much better than i was during January 17 to February 5 after jumping off at 4 MG.

I am questioning if taking the drug is actually making me worse, i dunno.

 

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Rhiannon

Welcome to the forum, freespirit.

 

What you describe is quite typical for the first year or two after coming off a psych drug for someone who was on it for as long as you were. You're healing, and it's going to get better, albeit in a "windows and waves" kind of pattern.

 

I don't know if you're familiar with the website Beyond Meds, but Gianna found that when she discovered her histamine intolerance (probably also induced by psych meds) it was really a turning point for her. Here's the thread we have on that: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3503-histamine-food-intolerance/

 

and her website discusses it too. 

 

That kind of feelings of isolation and loneliness that you describe is not surprising; it's common to feel that way in withdrawal (even for people who are not at all alone) plus you are grieving the loss of your wife and it's the anniversary of that, so of course you are feeling sad and alone. I wish I could reach through this computer screen and give you a hug.

 

Since I can't, let me say again, welcome to the forum. I hope you will find support and encouragement here as you continue your healing process. I know you're going to be fine. It does often take a couple of years before people really feel they're out of the woods though.


Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. 

Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010.  Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea.

 

Feb 15 2010:  300 mg Neurontin  200 Lamictal   10 Celexa      0.65 Xanax   and 5 mg Ambien 

Feb 10 2014:   62 Lamictal    1.1 Celexa         0.135 Xanax    1.8 Valium

Feb 10 2015:   50 Lamictal      0.875 Celexa    0.11 Xanax      1.5 Valium

Feb 15 2016:   47.5 Lamictal   0.75 Celexa      0.0875 Xanax    1.42 Valium    

2/12/20             12                       0.045               0.007                   1 

 

I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion.

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freespirit

Thanks for your welcome and kindness. It's good to be amongst people who understand this hell. No one around me gets how difficult WD can be.

 

I have previously read the thread on histamine intolerance, along with a lot of other research I did on it. Eating a low histamine diet has made a huge difference in terms of reducing or eliminating a lot of the physical symptoms I was having. Slowly, I've been able to add in a few thing on a very once in a while basis--like blueberries.

 

For whatever reasons, I had 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night. Then I put on some imagery to listen to, and slept another 2 hours. The world is entirely different when I can rest. But even last evening, I felt calmer than I have in some time. I do my best to feel gratetul for any respite...


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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dalsaan

I'm glad you go some sleep, it does wonders for the spirit and for healing. There is lots of stuff on here about sleep. I have used taurine to good effect in the sense of improving my sleep quality.


Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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calithebold

I just wanted to say I read your thread and I really feel for you, especially with your loss. I lost my grandmother four weeks ago, which was incredibly hard but a spouse would be horrific. I'm sorry for your loss. I was on mirtazapine about seven years ago and was taken off of 15mg cold turkey. I had been on it for two years. I don't know how I coped, I don't think I did.


All medications::

Xanax (1995-96), Aropax (1995-96), Mellaril (1997-2000), Efexor (1997-2002), Seroquel (2000-now), Lithium Carbonate (2000-now), Avanza (2002-05), Epilim (2005), Seroquel-XR (2000-now), Zyprexa (2002-14), Raberprazole (2000-now prn), Crestor (2009-15), Gabapentin (2009-12), Lamictal (2010-now), Abilify (2011-now) Lyrica (2012-now), Diazepam (2010-now prn), Saphris (2014), Respiridone (2014), Chlorpromazine (2014) Neulatil (07/2016)

 

Current medications:

Lithium Carbonate 750mg; Seroquel-XR 600mg800mg 04/16, 600mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 200mg 04/16, 400mg 04/16, 500mg 04/16; Lamictal 250mg 200mg150mg 04/16; Lyrica 300mg; Abilify 20mg 30mg 11/15 Zoloft 25mg 04/16 ceased after a week due to severe suicidal thoughts; Seroquel 25mg prn; Diazepam 40mg CT Jan 2013, 5mg occasionally, (massive med changes in April 2016 due to a hospital admission).

 

SupplementsFish oil 4000mgMagnesium 100mg Niacinamide 1000mgSlippery Elm 800mg , B12 1000mcg, Zinc 50mg, B6 100mg, Vitamin D 2000IU, Calcium 1200mgP5P 100mg, Vitamin C 2000mg, Vitamin E 400IU

 

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freespirit

I'm glad you go some sleep, it does wonders for the spirit and for healing. There is lots of stuff on here about sleep. I have used taurine to good effect in the sense of improving my sleep quality.

I'm glad you've found something helpful for sleep. I've had insomnia off and on for much of my adult life. I find things work for awhile, then stop working. Also, it depends on the cause of not sleeping..

 

You wouldn't know it by my current signature, but I'm not a fan of taking supplements. My goal is to be healthy enough to barely need anything. Most of what I'm taking now is because of the histamine issue, and the limited diet I'm eating.

 

In addition to the effects many of us have suffered by trying different supplements, I also have the diabetes to contend with. Many things cause sharp rises in blood sugar for me, even things that are supposed to regulate blood sugar. Every single spike like that increases risk for heart attack, stroke, blindness, kidney failure, and amputation of limbs...so, I'm extremely careful in what I'm willing to try and take...

 

I prefer trying to balance things through qi gong, imagery, or hypnosis. For me, there is no down side to those things..and it means I'm doing it for myself, not dependent on whether a drug or supplement works. I feel much more empowered by doing for myself, rather than relying on something or someone else.

 

This is my way..and wouldn't necessarily work for anyone else...but what got me in this whole mess in the first place was listening to other people and agreeing to take meds in the first place. I'm finding my own way out. I listen to what has helped others and take everything I hear and read with a grain of salt...and more than anything, I listen deeply to what my body/mind/spirit needs in each moment. That's my path to healing.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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dalsaan

I'm glad to hear you listen deeply to your body and spirit. It's the best way to go. I do the same

 

D


Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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johnmtz

I appreciate your post freespirit. I almost fit your profile.  8 years ago, I had a panic attack and an episode of depression. I was not suicidal or anything. I tried SSRIs in the past and never liked them and smartly threw them away after about 2 weeks. And indeed, I always got better anyway. But for some reason, I was convinced that Mirtazapine was better and newer. That I should take this one. I was sceptical.  I wish I resisted.

 

In Canada, they start you right at 30mg. Seems that is the smallest pill.  I took it and it freaked me out. So I just chipped off the end and started with that. Since they don't make Mirtazipine small, I did my best. I was probably taking 3mg to 7.5 mg for about 4 years.

 

The sad thing is that about 4 years ago, when I was travelling, I was tapering off the Mirtazapine out of necessity because I was running out. I fell asleep with no drug one night but woke up feeling both rested but in a panic. I never felt this before in my life. I was scared and ran to a local clinic. I got another refill and took it that night. It felt like a wave of calm and release. It was then I knew I was hooked. I didn't know at that time what to do. And with my busy schedule, I just continued on 7.5 mg.  I should have researched and continued my withdrawal with that low dose. I was sleeping well without it. I was so damn close. But I didn't.

 

Then I moved to BC, Canada 3 year ago. I was having trouble sleeping so I went to a 15mg from 7.5mg, then 30, 45, then 60.  I realized it did not help with sleep anymore.  8 years ago, I would fall asleep with no effort at all. I almost always got 7 hours each night of uninterrupted sleep.  And when I was on 7.5 mg of Mirtazapine up to 3 year ago, I was also sleeping ok. In fact, no sleepless nights.  But 3 years ago, it started and it took my confidence away completely.

 

So I went to the doc and he gave me zolpidem 10mg and a months supply (he was a real pill pusher). So I took it and got hooked. The positive thing is that I reduced my Mirtazapine back down to almost nothing. However, I noticed I had withdrawals sometime so I took a 15mg from time to time. But now, I was hooked on this sleeping pill zolpidem.  I never took sleeping pills in my life. After 8 months of daily usage, I got off them. But one thing that helped me was to take a 15 mg Mirtazapine. So now I'm back on that poison again.  Then, I couldn't sleep until I took a 30mg, then 45. 

 

So now I am on this site as a new member because I am now entering my withdrawal hell. I went down to 26 mg last night. I had a hard time getting to sleep and I only slept 5 hours when I did.

 

I am scared I have screwed up my sleep. That is the worst fear I have. I have lost confidence in sleep without Mirtazapine. I know I will have other issues like depression, anxiety, mania,. That is very bad. But if I don't sleep well, then all those will get worse.

 

I am tempted to get another type of sleeping pill and alternate the use. But ultimately, I want to sleep without a pill period. I want off Mirtazapine and I want my life back. 

 

How can I get my sleep back. What have I done to my neuroreceptors?  I need sleep to function. I might have to quit my job. I have to support a family. Is there any way to help my brain heal these damaged neuro receptors that have been downregulated?  Will there be some permanent damage?

 

I appreciated the info on HI. I didn't know about that so I will try that diet.  I looked at wikipedia at the list of binding sites in the brain for Mirtazapine. Which binding site should I be the most concerned about and how can I heal my damaged brain stem?

 

Cheers,

 

J


Mirtazapine since 2008:

I started January 2008 on approx 4 mg per night.

2010, I was on 7,5 mg per night

2012, I went up to 15 mg

2013  up to 45 mg on some nights

2013 to 2014 on Zolpidem 10 mg

Jan 2014 off of Zolpidem C/T

Jan 2014 down to 15 mg Mirt

Feb 2015 back up to between 30 to 45 mg per night

Late Feb 2015 started fast taper from 45 to 0 mg. 30 day taper. C/T March 25

Using supplements but have withdrawals problems

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freespirit

 

 

I am scared I have screwed up my sleep. That is the worst fear I have. I have lost confidence in sleep without Mirtazapine. I know I will have other issues like depression, anxiety, mania,. That is very bad. But if I don't sleep well, then all those will get worse.

 

I am tempted to get another type of sleeping pill and alternate the use. But ultimately, I want to sleep without a pill period. I want off Mirtazapine and I want my life back. 

 

How can I get my sleep back. What have I done to my neuroreceptors?  I need sleep to function. I might have to quit my job. I have to support a family. Is there any way to help my brain heal these damaged neuro receptors that have been downregulated?  Will there be some permanent damage?

 

I appreciated the info on HI. I didn't know about that so I will try that diet.  I looked at wikipedia at the list of binding sites in the brain for Mirtazapine. Which binding site should I be the most concerned about and how can I heal my damaged brain stem?

 

Cheers,

 

J

Hi John, 

 

I too had a lot of anxiety around sleep with coming off mirt. However, I had developed very bad insomnia when my wife became ill and even more so after she died. Still, I was afraid of being off it altogether. 

 

A few months before I started tapering, a friend introduced me to qi gong. For a couple of months, I just did this routine once or twice a day.  

 The results were immediate and dramatic. After the first day, I slept through the night for the first time in a couple of years. I had improved energy, mood, reduced pain. In fact, without this, I don't know I would even have attempted coming off the drug. 

 

I continued to practice and still do, on a daily basis. Throughout the tapering process, I'd have a week or so of worsening sleep, but then I'd go back to sleeping through the night again. I have had more disrupted sleep since I stopped the meds completely. But there have also been periods of a month or more of resting better. The more recent insomnia I think, is more related to grief..but there is no real way of knowing. 

 

At the beginning, I was obsessed with finding an "answer" to a lot of my questions. I also expended energy I wish I hadn't being angry at the doc who put me on them in the first place..as it turned out, I'd had undiagnosed sleep apnea, probably for years, which was a major contributing factor to being depressed. I now wish I'd put my energy into healing, rather than some of what I did instead. 

 

I'm only an expert on my own process..not on anyone else's. What worked for me might be totally wrong for someone else. I've always had a more sensitive nervous system, so I tend to choose healing forms that are less invasive..

 

I've also worked a lot with guided imagery over the past 5 years. I found these particularly helpful (including ones for sleep, depression, and recovery from drugs and alcohol): http://www.healthjourneys.com/ 

 

I believe there's pretty good evidence that things like meditation in various forms can make direct changes to the brain. I prefer to hold the idea that healing is possible and not get too hung up on exactly how that's going to happen. That confidence for me has come through qi gong, a previous 20 year meditation practice, but mostly in surviving and healing through my wife's death. 

 

It's good you're here now and can get some good knowledge through the site. Other people have come through this and found a better life. I believe that's possible for anyone, including you. 


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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freespirit

I just wanted to say I read your thread and I really feel for you, especially with your loss. I lost my grandmother four weeks ago, which was incredibly hard but a spouse would be horrific. I'm sorry for your loss. I was on mirtazapine about seven years ago and was taken off of 15mg cold turkey. I had been on it for two years. I don't know how I coped, I don't think I did.

I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother. All loss is difficult I think. Thanks for your understanding. For me, losing my wife is the hardest experience of my life..and that's saying a lot..


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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freespirit

For the past week, I'm back to sleeping well and mostly uninterrupted. A few nights, I've woken once, but been able to go right back to sleep. If only I could convince my cats not to wake me at 5:30 to be fed.

 

In the times that my sleep returns, I feel as though I'm resting in a way I haven't in years..or maybe ever. This makes me hopeful for the future.

 

Even though I'm resting better, my motivation is very low at the moment. I continually have to lower my expectations of what's possible through these times..but since I have been through many rounds of it associated with grief, this is getting easier to cope with. I have trust that the energy and motivation will come back at some point too.

 

It's allergy season here...and I'm experiencing some increased histamine issues. It gets tiring eating in such a limited and regimented way..but with so much pollen, I have to keep a handle on lowering histamine where I can.

 

Having read a lot of the stories on here, I consider myself lucky in terms of WD. It has been miserable at times, but my experience is not nearly what others have had to go through. I like to think that the couple of years of preparation I did with the naturopath, cleaning up my diet, exercising and doing qi gong had something to do with that..


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Altostrata

Welcome, freespirit.

 

It's a very good sign you're sleeping better.

 

Coincidentally, I also have histamine food intolerance, caused by taking aspirin for 6 months as prescribed by my cardiologist. After 6 months on the HIT diet, the food intolerance got somewhat better. Still working on it.

 

It does seem to act up on high-allergy days, which are often in this drought. When my allergies are bad, I'm using azelastine nasal spray at half-dose every 2-3 days and 0.25mg ketotifen nightly. Both are mast cell stabilizers and antihistamines.

 

The ketotifen dampens histamine food reactions and seems to be helping me sleep.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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freespirit

Glad you've found some relief from the HI Altostrata. I had to look both of those things up, as they aren't ones I'm familiar with.

 

I've been on the diet about 6 months now and it has made a huge difference. I'm reacting less to foods that are a bit higher in histamine. I might be more careful than I need to be, but would hate to go back to how things were last fall. I take Vitamin C, plus a high potency Quercetin. Those both helped reduce symptoms a lot. I'm not willing to take the massive doses of C that some people do though.

 

I used to have Nasonex for allergies, but stopped taking that last year. It seems virtually any drug has either an opposite effect, or else, a huge rebound. I've become kind of "drug phobic".

 

I'd like to swim more often than I do (twice a week), but there are sometimes reactions to the chlorine there..which tends to set off other allergies. All a balancing act.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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freespirit

This has been very mixed bag week. I'm doing much, much better emotionally. Calmer, happier, fewer negative thoughts and more optimistic. I've had a good solid week of sleep too.

 

The physical side has been a bit more challenging. Whether it's something I've eaten or just spring allergies, the histamine has been kicked up some. More sneezing, headaches, dry eyes.

 

In spite of eating well, I'm having a lot of bouts of low blood sugar. In fact, no matter what I eat, my sugar drops too low after riding my bike..even though, I'm riding at a very modest pace, for a short distance,  and at a time when sugar should be peaking. It's been awhile since I felt so crappy after a low. But I was struck by how similar it was to how I felt at times from tapering--shaky, headache, irratic mood, fogging thinking, ringing in my ears, vision changes, muscle cramps. It made me wonder whether some of what I've attributed to as withdrawal is actually low blood sugar. I also suspect that the brain is more sensitive to drops in sugar during withdrawal.

 

I've spent a lot of time reading on here this week..and time contemplating as well. I realize that coming off more quickly than recommended might well have contributed to me getting histamine intolerance. But in spite of it being a royal pain at times to be so careful about diet, it's also been an incredible blessing. I'm eating healthier than I have in years...no sugar, dairy, or wheat. I've lost 40 pounds without "dieting" per se. I used to rely too much on my diabetes drug go keep sugar in check, while I sometimes indulged in things I knew weren't good for me. I went off the drugs not long after stopping Remeron..too many low blood sugar episodes, plus it made a big difference to some of the digestive issues.

 

Going through this process is making me a different, and stronger person. I don't rely on drugs anymore. If I have pain, I'm far more likely to do some stretching, taking a magesium bath, or do a bit of exercise or qi gong. I'm not afraid of my emotions (well, except for rage)...I realize more than anything, I need to be proactive about my physical and mental health.

 

For the moment, I'm taking some supplements because even with dietary and other changes, I still need them right now. But, to just take a supplement and wait for something to get better is too much like the person I became on Remeron. I gave up in so many ways and became a victim. I'm determined not to live my life like that anymore.

 

I realize through reading that most people measure their success on here by how few symptoms they have. Don't get my wrong, I wouldn't mind having fewer things to deal with...but for me, I measure how I'm doing through a different lens. I look at how compassionate I am with myself, especially when things are hard. I ask myself whether I'm doing everything I can to be healthy and happy. I ask myself how well I'm learning to deal with the difficulties. Because one day, hopefully, the WD symptoms will be much less...but that doesn't mean difficulties end. Life will always throw down something in my path. What I learn through this process will help serve me through the rest of my life.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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carbonek3

Hi, Freespirit.
I'm glad to hear that you are doing better emotionally this week. Even though your physical progress is not what you wish it were, it is amazing that you have been able to stop so many of your medications, lose weight, and nurture healthy physical practices like qi gong, swimming, and biking. Your story is very inspiring.
I hope you are able to find relief from the histamine intolerance and low blood sugar.

Im a gay woman, too, and I can only imagine what you are going through. Still, it makes sense to me that you would start your taper a year after your partner's death. My dad's death a few months ago was a catalyst for me. He had struggled with addiction for so much of his life, and his passing made me resolve to live with more clarity and to fight for the future I've dreamed of. Grieving may have complicated things for me, but I know that its something I personally need to experience without medication.

I hope you are able to find good support in BC. But know that lots of people will be thinking of you here.

 


2007 - 2010 10 mg escitalopram, switched to 20 mg citalopram (sometimes 40 mg, decreased w/o taper)
2011 20 mg citalopram, 150 mg buproprion SR, 10 mg ambien for 3 months

2015

February      20 mg citalopram, 150 mg buproprion SR reduced to 100 mg

March          20 mg citalopram, 75 mg buproprion
April           
20 mg citalopram, 56.25 --> 37.5 mg buproprion
May              
20 mg citalopram, 18.75 mg buproprion

 

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freespirit

 

Im a gay woman, too, and I can only imagine what you are going through. Still, it makes sense to me that you would start your taper a year after your partner's death. My dad's death a few months ago was a catalyst for me. He had struggled with addiction for so much of his life, and his passing made me resolve to live with more clarity and to fight for the future I've dreamed of. Grieving may have complicated things for me, but I know that its something I personally need to experience without medication.

 

I hope you are able to find good support in BC. But know that lots of people will be thinking of you here.

 

 

Carbonek3,

 

I'm sorry about your Dad's death. Loss is difficult, but also contains the seeds for great transformation. I think it's good you've been able to move towards the kind of life that you want for yourself.

 

My journey off AD has been very much a part of the grief process. I can't really separate one from another. It was partly finding a deep inner strength through the loss that lead me to believe something else was possible in terms of meds. It made me see how much I'd underestimated myself and the power I always had to make deeper change in my life.

 

Before my wife died, she told me that she wanted more than anything for me to be happy..and for me to care for myself in the ways I had for her and our old cats. I've held that intention throughout my journey, coming to see that those wishes were also mine..and that the 2 things are profoundly linked.

 

My intention has been that I'd be transformed by what we went through during her illness, and the time since her death. That has come true, though not in any way I could have imagined. It has meant multiple other losses--friends, family, career, a 20 year spiritual practice--but it has also brought a sense that I have a second chance at life.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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freespirit

A couple of days ago, I started wondering if reducing the time on my SAD light was contributing to the symptoms I've been experiencing. In the past, I've always been able to go down by 15 minutes at a time..wait a month, go down another 15 minutes,etc. I went more slowly this month...but I suspect that I was having WD effects from going faster than I should. So, I have "reinstated" and will wait a few weeks before trying another 5 minute decrease. There's no reason at all to hurry this. Anyone have ideas on tapering from a SAD light???

 

I have used the light over the winter for the past 8 years or so. Last year, I continued using it throughout tapering, as I felt it was helping to mitigate some of the symptoms. When I got into a weird sleep cycle over this winter (falling asleep sitting up at 7 or 7:30 PM and waking at 3:30-4), I tried using it in the evening instead of the morning. In a couple of days, I went back to a more normal schedule. Not something I'd recommend to anyone who hasn't used a light before, but it seemed to work for me.

 

Yesterday, I felt okay--a bit tired, a little nauseous, achy. I thought it would be okay to go do a few errands. I got really upset while driving (one of my big triggers, perhaps because of a previous car accident)...and got cranky in the grocery store with someone, although I didn't say anything. This is one way I end up feeling so isolated. If you can't even get out of the house safely do get some things done, WTH?

 

I know I haven't been at this as long as some of you. But I have been at this in a very similar way through the grief process. It's been 3 years of dealing with low energy, crazy erratic moods, poor sleep, never knowing when the next wave will hit, physical pain..in fact, I've been struck by how similar the window and wave pattern of recovery from drugs is to grieving. 

 

I've spent 3 years not being able to talk much about my loss..people quickly change the topic, avoid you, try to tell you how you should feel, etc...much like the kind of isolation most of of us feel going through WD. I'm starting to get a little tired of being alone as much as I am..even for an introverted introvert, this is a little too much alone.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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freespirit

Sleeping through the night was short-lived this time. I think monkeying around with my SAD light has resulted in the disruptions, but hard to know. I'm fighting to stay awake in the evening, then wake around 3 or 4. The difference compared to other times though, is that I'm mostly able to fall back to sleep..and I'm not getting upset about it. One thing I've realized is that I don't always feel more tired from not sleeping.

 

And even though I've been sleeping more poorly, my mood is still pretty good. Less obsessive or intrusive thoughts, more ability to let them go when they do come...and not feeling so incapacitated in general. When those thoughts come, I tell myself they are WD thoughts, and that seems to help me not get so caught up on them.

 

I haven't felt energetic enough to tackle work in the yard, but have managed some other things instead. It turns out I can be tired, but still do some clearing of closets and paperwork. The taxes sit waiting, but I was able to shred a ton of old paperwork. I'm still making an effort to focus more on what I can do, than what I can't do..and keep reminding myself it's all temporary.

 

I've mostly been a glass half-empty person through my life. It takes a lot to change looking at life through that lens, but I'm working at it. Some moments it's more possible than others to maintain that perspective.

 

Still exercising, though missed a couple of days this week. But when I'm more tired, I tend to focus more on qi gong practice..which helps with everything from mood to pain.

 

I've been thinking a lot about how I ended up on Remeron in the first place. I'd been seeing a new doctor, since we were new to the area. I knew that something was really wrong, given the level of exhaustion I was experiencing. The doc did the standard blood tests and told me that everything as normal. When I tried to talk about the fatigue, he told me, "all women are tired"..and then began the push for antidepressants. Placed in the same position now, I'd be likely to say "all doctors are______". I'd keep searching, instead of listening to a doctor. While I'd dealt with depression through much of my life, I'd always managed up until then...and the precipitating factor to the crushing fatigue was sleep apnea, not depression.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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johnmtz

Hi freespirit.  The quack I saw...get this, I was on Remeron, and then he wanted to add Celexa while still on 30mg Remeron (no taper off suggested)...then he started me on the powerful sleeping pills a month at a time. When I said maybe I should get a referrel to a psychiatrist ..he just scuffed and said that all he would do is put me on Celexa. Well no, not the psychiatrist I saw. He did not recommend another AD and in fact told me to reduce my Remeron.  This doc also refused to send me to an ENT when I had bad tinnitus and hearing loss from the sleeping pill. I still suffer from tinnitus to this day (however it is much lower now). Hearing loss in one ear is still there. That is what I got taking Zolpidem for 8 months and never told about it. It was my fault not to research all of this. I just was ignoring it because of my anxiety (which was induced by mirt). So it was a self feeding circle. And the doc just kept feeding me into worse and worse health.

 

Bottom line is that you should not trust doctors until you do your own research. I should have researched Remeron but I trusted health care professionals carte blanche back then. Not after what has happened to me. From a botched surgery that has left me with lost eye sight in one eye to quacks that kept pushing me to go from 7.5 mg to 15 then 30 mg or Remeron, I have absolutely no faith in the medical system. I must do my own research first and be my own advocate.

 

What that doctor said to you would be grounds for a lawsuit in the USA but in Canada, a doctor could cut your foot off doing an appendectomy and you can't sue. So they go on being incompetent.


Mirtazapine since 2008:

I started January 2008 on approx 4 mg per night.

2010, I was on 7,5 mg per night

2012, I went up to 15 mg

2013  up to 45 mg on some nights

2013 to 2014 on Zolpidem 10 mg

Jan 2014 off of Zolpidem C/T

Jan 2014 down to 15 mg Mirt

Feb 2015 back up to between 30 to 45 mg per night

Late Feb 2015 started fast taper from 45 to 0 mg. 30 day taper. C/T March 25

Using supplements but have withdrawals problems

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freespirit

Hi Johnmtz,

 

You've endured some really crappy medical care. The thing in Canada too, is that there are so few doctors, that you are sometimes forced to see a terrible one or go without. Of course, the way I see things now, I would be better off not having one.

 

The doctor I currently see (rarely) tried to add a 2nd antidepressant to the Remeron after I had a car accident. I'd had a mild brain injury and wasn't thinking very clearly. There was also no taper. On the first day, I ended up in the ER, with what was most likely serotonin poisoning. 

 

A few years ago, he tried to persuade me to see a psychiatrist. I came home and read her doctor review. She was rated the worst psychiatrist in the province. She screams at her patients when they refuse meds and diagnoses everyone who walks through her door in 5 minutes or less---with bipolar. Thank God I refused that referral..and from that point, started working with a naturopath. I hate to think of what boat I'd be in now, had I ended up on multiple drugs. 

 

And just to prove the stupid doc wrong, having seen the naturopath for a few months, the fatigue and muscle pain started to improve. The doctor simply wouldn't listen to me when I told him I wasn't depressed at that point. I had tons of things I wanted to do, but wasn't able to do them. Now I realize the remeron was likely very much a cause of a lot of the symptoms I was having.

 

I'm sure there are a few good docs out there, but in my view most of them are___ (fill in the blank any way that you care to).

 

I had bad tinnitus with the brain injury. It took a long time, but eventually went away...of course, it's come again with WD..but I have confidence it can be healed again.

 

Stronger and wiser, we go forward from here.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Lilu

What are symptoms of histamine food intolerance. I have really bad nasal allergies year round. And wonder if any foods are contributing to that. I went to an allergist, and she said that food doesn't cause nasal allergies and congestion. Somehow, I don't believe her.


2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin,Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Extremely sensitive to stress which triggers Myoclonus.)

Intro page: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4149-lilu-depression-worsened-by-meds/

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johnmtz

Diamine oxidase (DAO). I think you can buy this supplement: Histame.  You can take this with food.


Mirtazapine since 2008:

I started January 2008 on approx 4 mg per night.

2010, I was on 7,5 mg per night

2012, I went up to 15 mg

2013  up to 45 mg on some nights

2013 to 2014 on Zolpidem 10 mg

Jan 2014 off of Zolpidem C/T

Jan 2014 down to 15 mg Mirt

Feb 2015 back up to between 30 to 45 mg per night

Late Feb 2015 started fast taper from 45 to 0 mg. 30 day taper. C/T March 25

Using supplements but have withdrawals problems

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johnmtz

 

Swanson Ultra Daosin Diamine Oxidase 4.20 mg 30 Caps

 


Mirtazapine since 2008:

I started January 2008 on approx 4 mg per night.

2010, I was on 7,5 mg per night

2012, I went up to 15 mg

2013  up to 45 mg on some nights

2013 to 2014 on Zolpidem 10 mg

Jan 2014 off of Zolpidem C/T

Jan 2014 down to 15 mg Mirt

Feb 2015 back up to between 30 to 45 mg per night

Late Feb 2015 started fast taper from 45 to 0 mg. 30 day taper. C/T March 25

Using supplements but have withdrawals problems

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freespirit

What are symptoms of histamine food intolerance. I have really bad nasal allergies year round. And wonder if any foods are contributing to that. I went to an allergist, and she said that food doesn't cause nasal allergies and congestion. Somehow, I don't believe her.

 

There can be few or many symptoms of HI. Nasal allergies is one of them. From my understanding, it isn't that one is allergic to the food itself, but is a reaction to the histamine contained in it. You can check out this thread: http://survivinganti...od-intolerance/ or do a search for histamine intolerance on the web. There is a lot of conflicting information and probably many docs have never heard of it.

 

There is no test for it and the main way of finding out if that is the issue or not is eating a lower histamine diet and seeing what happens as a result.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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freespirit

Diamine oxidase (DAO). I think you can buy this supplement: Histame.  You can take this with food.

Yes, I've read about this supplement and know it helps some people. I was at a stage of being tired of spending money on supplements, only to find I wasn't able to take them for some reason. Some people react to these pills, given they come from pork. I decided against buying them, and focused more on diet and qi gong instead.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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freespirit

I'm realizing too, that for me, I needed to have a very fundamental shift in how I treated my body/mind. The thing that got me into all of this was agreeing to take a drug that supposedly did one thing, but had multiple other impacts--many of them negative.  This isn't an intellectual exercise to me; it's a result of qi gong practice and a lot of soul-searching. I'm working on not seeing symptoms as "enemies", but more as messengers. If something is happening, it means there is something out of balance. What can I do to bring about balance, without imposing something additional for my body/mind to deal with and process? It's a basic difference between Western medicine and Chinese medicine. Western medicine looks at a symptom and tries to get rid of it. Chinese medicine looks at a cause and how to support the body in doing what it already knows how to do--to heal itself.

 

In the words of Einstein, "no problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." The situation I find myself in was also of my doing. The doctor who put me on these drugs was an idiot. But I also made the choice to take them and to continue to take one drug after another. I'm not saying this to put blame on myself, but to take responsibility. It means I want to  make very different choices now, than I did then.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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freespirit

I've had more physical symptoms this week--increased pain, fatigue, digestive issues. It's been awhile since I've had fibro type of pain, but that has happened a few days. Woke up several nights with severe jaw pain. I've been using arnica ointment, epsom salt baths, magnesium lotion. Nothing takes the pain away entirely, but everything helps some. I'm still staying away from any pain medication for fear of what it might end up doing.

 

Even though I've been more fatigued, I managed to get out and do work in the yard a few days. I took things easy, with lots of breaks, lots of water, and was content with what I accomplished. I'm finding when I'm more accepting of how I feel and what I can do for that day, I actually get a lot more done. My body has been telling me for years that the way I tend to overwork isn't right, but I've spent a lot of time overriding and doing anyway. When I have no choice but to slow down, I feel so much better.

 

My sleep has been a little better, though not great. I don't sleep through the night, but at least am not waking with a racing heart and sweats. And I'm not getting upset about being awake...consequently, I'm able to rest or even fall back to sleep for awhile after that.

 

And in spite of not feeling well physically, my mood continues to be pretty stable. I'm appreciating some moments of quiet contentment, fewer times of racing thoughts, and less negative thinking in general.


Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a.few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications: Natural Dessicated Thyroid 22.5 mg/day

Current Supplements: Vitamin C, D, K2, B12, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium lotion, oil, or epsom salts bath daily, CBD, and cannabis.What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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Dane22

Hey FreeSpirit. Stopping by to check in on you. Sounds like some of the peripheral issues are improving. I'd gladly take my baby steps as opposed to being slammed with a wave, eh?

 

Sleep is something I'm still working on. Sometimes its good, other times...not so good. But I like your comment about not getting upset about it. When I become agitated about not being able to fall back asleep, it just makes it worse. Kudos to you!


September 2013. Diagnosed depression/anxiety. Start Prozac 10mg and slowly increase to 40mg.

October 2013. Lorazepam 0.5mg prescribed for anxiety after complaining about nervous energy

November 2013. prescribed a sleeping pill (name?) for insomnia. took once. ineffective.

January to June 2014. psychiatrist agrees to lower dose to 15 mg due to side effects.

August 2014 first attempt to quit cold turkey Lasted August 1, 2014 until October 1, 2014

November 2014 second attempt to quit cold turkey lasted Novemember 4, 2014 until Jan 13, 2015

January 2015 3rd attempt to quit cold turkey lasted feb 3, 2015 until feb 23, 2015

March 5, 2015 4th attempt to quit cold turkey.

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Lilu

 I'm finding when I'm more accepting of how I feel and what I can do for that day, I actually get a lot more done. My body has been telling me for years that the way I tend to overwork isn't right, but I've spent a lot of time overriding and doing anyway. When I have no choice but to slow down, I feel so much better.

 

My sleep has been a little better, though not great. I don't sleep through the night, but at least am not waking with a racing heart and sweats. And I'm not getting upset about being awake...consequently, I'm able to rest or even fall back to sleep for awhile after that.

 

And in spite of not feeling well physically, my mood continues to be pretty stable. I'm appreciating some moments of quiet contentment, fewer times of racing thoughts, and less negative thinking in general.

 

Your posts are so inspiring. How did you get so good at taking such a healthy perspective? Is it your meditation practice? I have a hard time NOT struggling against my symptoms, especially the severe insomnia that I have had for almost 6 months now. I'm finding it impossible not to turn to sleep drugs on nights when I can't sleep at all. Even though these drugs barely work anymore and cause uncontrollable crying spells. Everytime I resolve to not use them, when things get really bad, and I can't take it anymore, and am feeling desperate to sleep, I wind up taking them again. I get so mad at myself, at my brain, at my body, at the situation, that all I can do is cry.  I know intellectually that I shouldn't struggle against insomnia, and that only raises my anxiety. But after trying various natural methods and still not falling back asleep, it just gets to me. At times I feel so desperate to sleep, I think that at that moment I would shoot up Heroine, if it would help me fall asleep right then and there.

 

How did you get to be so "Zen" about everything you're going thru? How do I get there? 


2005-2008: Effexor; 1/2008 Tapered 3 months, then quit. 7/2008-2009 Reinstated Effexor (crying spells at start of new job.)
2009-3/2013: Switched to Pristiq 50 mg then 100 mg
3/2013: Switched to Lexapro 10mg. Cut down to 5 mg. CT for 2 weeks then reinstated for 6 weeks
8/2013-8/2014: Tapering Lexapro (Lots of withdrawal symptoms)
11/2014 -8/2015: Developed severe insomnia and uncontrollable daily crying spells
12/2014-6/2015: Tried Ambien, Klonopin,Ativan, Lunesta, Sonata, Trazadone, Seroquel, Rameron, Gabapentin - Developed Anxiety disorder, PTSD, and Psychogenic Myoclonus
7/2015-1/2016: Reinstated Lexapro 2 mg (mild improvement, but crying spells still present)

1/2016-5/2017: Lexapro 5 mg ( helped a lot, but poor stress tolerance & depressive episodes)

5/20/2017 - Raised dose to Lexapro 10 mg due to lingering depression(Total of 2 failed tapers & severe PAWS)

9/11/2018 - Present: Still on 10 mg Lexapro and mostly recovered.(Extremely sensitive to stress which triggers Myoclonus.)

Intro page: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4149-lilu-depression-worsened-by-meds/

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Tilly

Hi Freespirit,

 

Welcome to this community.

 

Thank you for taking time to respond to my thread. I really appreciate it.

 

I have read through your thread. Firstly, I am truly sorry to hear of the loss of your wife. I can't begin to understand how incredibly painful the loss of a life partner is. Healing from a loss of such significance requires time and support. I hope that you find the support that you deserve here.

 

You demonstrate strength, courage and insight in your posts which can only facilitate your healing and continued growth.

 

We share many values and interests including the importance of self nurturing and connection to nature and self.

 

I look forward to following your progress with interest and wish you every success and happiness on your journey.

 

Tilly x


1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg  -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 -  short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg  ->

2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg  (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 -   October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments  -> Oct 2014  - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg;  19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March.

Diet:  mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins.  Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated).

Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics.

Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure.

Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future.

 

"Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain

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