freespirit Posted September 26, 2015 Author Share Posted September 26, 2015 All of that sounded really good as far as moving into something new. And........I am hoping to find or start some Yoga teacher training somewhere soon. A different modality but something that may really help rewire me and also lead to more opportunities. I think that you are right.......fall and grief feelings possibly going hand in hand. I used to love the school years.........such a nice way to offset the doldrums, and getting out there and starting a semester. We can grieve so much I suppose, if we put our minds to it. Scott is gone........I miss him mainly. This orphanhood/W/D/being alone is not so bad really...........well, I guess what I am saying is that you guys are wonderful. I am so glad I found my way here. I will be working on my acceptance speech for when I get that sunshine thing by my name and am classified as healed. It'll probably be a huge let down.......LOL......arriving there. I am only kidding. It'll be huge! The yoga teacher training sounds like a wonderful idea MMT. There are many practices available that can do what qi gong does for me. Each us finds what best suits our nature. I've thought a number of times about doing qi gong teacher training...but maybe it would be too much like what I've done in the past. Still, there's something to be said for teaching people what they can do for themselves to bring healing. When I did my counseling training many years ago, there was a prevailing though that people "get over" grief in 2-5 years. When I started at hospice, I was introduced to the reality that grief is a life-long process. The intense, acute grief changes over time...but one can always be thrown back into it by life events, reminders, anniversaries, etc. In many respects, this 3rd year has been harder than the 2nd year was...perhaps because of facing into all of it minus any AD. I don't go looking for it, but it finds me, in whatever I'm doing. I wonder if leaving this house and area with so many reminders will make a difference. Hard to know. I'm glad you're here and have found a home in this community. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 26, 2015 Author Share Posted September 26, 2015 Oh my love, I empathise so much with you in this post. I will post later in more detail when I am able to give your post a worthy response, when I am better able to respond and express myself. In the meantime, I wanted you to know that you are very much in my heart and in my thoughts. Sending you love and wishing you healing and peace, as always. Tilly x Lovely to see you here Tilly. I was just thinking of you yesterday, when I was out on my bike ride. It warms my heart to know you've been thinking of me too...and your beautiful wishes for me. I hope one day, we can be out riding our bikes together...until then, take good care of yourself. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
AliG Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Hi Free, Just saying " Hi ", & hope you're going well ! Every time , I read your posts, I want to run out & buy a bike. I have the perfect one , lined up ! It's not a " speed bike", it's a cute " pastel green", retro bike with a basket in front. It's out the front of a bike shop , that I drive past most days on my way to the gym. It's like what you would ride in France, with " baguettes & flowers " in the basket ! LOL. Unfortunately, I'm not in France or even B.C. Canada. ! I dearly want it , but I'm not quite sure, what I would do with it . What sort ( bike), do you have ? I do live in a semi - rural, part of the city. There's a nice river, I could ride along next to, I suppose. Not sure ! I think I need to be living in France !! . Maybe , just a dream, but a nice one . Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 Hi Ali, I think there is some reason you're so drawn to that bike. As to what you'd do with it...do a bit of searching for bike trails in your area or ask around about good places to ride...I love the thought of being able to ride in France, and though I'm not eating wheat..well, baguettes and flowers sounds like a very nice touch. Dreams are important. This is my bike: http://www.giant-bicycles.com/en-us/bikes/model/sedona/22195/84018/in a dark green color. I have a men's bike, because it was the only 1 available in a small enough frame size for me. I'd like to buy a 2nd one at some point, more of a hybrid that is lighter and better for riding in urban settings. This one is very good for gravel or off-trail riding. At this time of my life, I'm doing my best to listen to that still small voice...I've spent far too much of my life being "practical" and not doing enough of what brings me joy. I bought myself a guitar a few years ago. Learning is painfully slow, but it's something I dreamed of since I was a teen. It's never too late to follow your dreams... Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 28, 2015 Author Share Posted September 28, 2015 Bit of an update. Due to a couple of things in my personal life, last week was kind of tough emotionally. I've mostly stopped referring to things as windows or waves, because it tends to make me judge what is happening as good or bad. One thing I did notice though, is that it didn't seem to set off as many symptoms as has happened in the past. And compared to days on Remeron, I continued to ride, walk, do qi gong, eat well, and generally take good care of myself. One of the cats woke me around 5:30 as usual this morning. I'd managed about 7 hours of sleep then and thought I'd be up, as I always am. But we all fell back to sleep and I didn't wake up for another 3 hours. I don't remember the last time I slept 10 hours..but it was probably before I started tapering. I'm some days not feeling great emotionally in the mornings, so maybe sleeping in means I'll bypass that for today. Yesterday, I decided to ride in my what has become my favorite trail--the one by the river. Last week when I was up there, I could hear bears down by the river. That got my adrenaline going and what began as a leisurely ride turned into a fast-paced one..lol..one way to get your adrenaline going. Well, yesterday as I was riding, I saw a bear on the trail, only about 50 yds away. I had been ringing my bike bell, just to make noise to warn any bears I was coming. This one saw me, heard the bell, and continued sitting where it was. At that point, I was wondering whether ringing the bell was just telling him/her that lunch was coming...really, I know they are more interested in the salmon run that's happening...but I turned around and ended up taking my bike to the suburban setting instead...which is probably where I'll be riding for the foreseeable future. I repeated my colon screening test last week and am waiting for results, which I think will happen this week. Unless there is some drastic increase in blood, I've decided I will forgo the colonoscopy. I'm sure the doctor wouldn't be happy with my decision, but I am not about to subject myself to something that is most likely unnecessary. Though my digestion is for the most part normal, I am experiencing increased inflammation in my body..maybe seasonal changes, or some aspect of wd, or something else? I'm back to thinking that I want to move from this area. I have been on the fence and back and forth many, many times through the past couple of years. Part of me feels that I need the change to help facilitate some internal changes. Part of me is afraid of letting go of everything here. Part of me longs for adventure, while the other part prefers some stability. I do hope there is some middle ground on this. Except for 1 friend, I don't even tell anyone what my current thoughts are..it's too embarrassing to feel so undecided. This week, I have to get more estimates and make a decision on the retaining wall...get someone else to come and haul yard waste, so I can continue with fall clean-up...and I have the pellet stove guy coming to do the yearly maintenance. Both cats are going into the vet too. I hope I can find time to get myself into the chiropractor, as my back is bothering me more again. We are supposed to have a full week of sunshine, so I'll be out riding, walking, and working in the yard to get in as much daylight as I can. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
direstraits Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 hi,free, I'm glad to hear you're taking good care of yourself, getting more sleep...that sounded scary about the bear,I' d be terrified! I think it's so stressful when we can't make a decision about something...I hope you will be able to resolve this soon but it's very understandable with all you've been through...Iwonder if it could be contributing to your back pain ,also... anyway,enjoy all that sun! we're supposed to get lots of rain here.. hugs,ds went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted September 28, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 28, 2015 Once again free.......I can relate. I do need to move from this area of mine.........I think I do...........in any case downsize, and get rid of a lot of stuff. And I get excited about moving too.....to I do not know where yet either. I am on the 2 year plan for all this though..........although the 2 year plan started last Spring and I have done some things........but not a whole lot. In any case.......boxes and boxing up stuff and labeling comes next(this before truly parting with anything). And tomorrow have a Realtor guy coming to kind of advise me on prioritizing what I should do to maximize my sale price...........later, of course. I am sure I will get a pretty good spiel of his services and all too.......but that will be helpful in the long run. Then.......I wonder? Really? Should I ? I am decided though to go eventually..........less stress and all that I figure.........more time to just live, and do other stuff besides the endless home maintenance and all. Shoot.......should we just do a home switch?? And I am kidding, people don't always know, but I am..........I need this nest this winter.......no doubt in my mind about that right now. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
AliG Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Hi Free, As an " Aussie", who's never even seen a bear, that sounds terrifying !! It does sound like you live in a beautiful part of the world. I can imagine , that might be hard to give up. I can understand the indecision, as well as the wavering between wanting "adventure", but also stability. I have it, as well, and hope you're right about there being a middle ground ! I don't think you should be embarrassed about your indecision. I think it's perfectly natural , that you would feel that way. It's your home , and I'm sure it carries so many memories for you. It's familiar & comfortable, and the thought of leaving, probably pulls you out of your " comfort zone", even if you feel you should, & that it's time to make a move. I'm not sure if that's how you feel, but I'm thinking it would be close to that. I know that's how I feel, when I think about a change , like that. I'm sure, ultimately, you will make the right decision for you. I'm also in total agreement about possible " unnecessary" medical tests. Particularly, when they involve " general anaesthetic" !! Something to be avoided at all costs, in my opinion. I hope you enjoy your week of sunshine ! Let's hope the weatherman's right ! I know it makes such a difference in my mood. I love sunshine & blue skies. Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 hi,free, I'm glad to hear you're taking good care of yourself, getting more sleep...that sounded scary about the bear,I' d be terrified! I think it's so stressful when we can't make a decision about something...I hope you will be able to resolve this soon but it's very understandable with all you've been through...Iwonder if it could be contributing to your back pain ,also... anyway,enjoy all that sun! we're supposed to get lots of rain here.. hugs,ds Hi DS, Bear sightings are pretty commonplace here. We have them in our neighborhood at times. Several have been spotted a couple of streets up from me and along the trails that are about a 5 minute walk away. I've avoided walking those trails, because a mother bear and 2 cubs have been seen a few times there. Still, that's the closest that I've seen one and usually, I have been in the car when I've spotted them before. I do think the financial concerns and issues about the house are contributing to the back pain. I keep having the sense that it's related to not being able to let go of something..whether that's the house itself or another issue altogether, I don't know. In any case, I'll phone the chiropractor today and try to get in. I find those treatments much more than just physical ones...I have the feeling we are working on things at a deeper level, though I don't always know what that is. I expect that both grief and wd are contributing to not being able to make a clear decision on what step to take from here. I've been in such a constant state of change, not knowing who I am exactly, or what will best serve the next part of my life. I've moved a lot in my life. This is the longest I've been in one place since I left home at 19. Maybe that's a factor too. I hope you're managing okay..seems like you're having more extreme ups and downs at the moment. Things will even out and improve for you. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 Once again free.......I can relate. I do need to move from this area of mine.........I think I do...........in any case downsize, and get rid of a lot of stuff. And I get excited about moving too.....to I do not know where yet either. I am on the 2 year plan for all this though..........although the 2 year plan started last Spring and I have done some things........but not a whole lot. In any case.......boxes and boxing up stuff and labeling comes next(this before truly parting with anything). And tomorrow have a Realtor guy coming to kind of advise me on prioritizing what I should do to maximize my sale price...........later, of course. I am sure I will get a pretty good spiel of his services and all too.......but that will be helpful in the long run. Then.......I wonder? Really? Should I ? I am decided though to go eventually..........less stress and all that I figure.........more time to just live, and do other stuff besides the endless home maintenance and all. Shoot.......should we just do a home switch?? And I am kidding, people don't always know, but I am..........I need this nest this winter.......no doubt in my mind about that right now. Thanks for sharing this MMT. Will you still stay in the SW area though? I know what you mean about being able to just live and not have the responsibility of endless house maintenance. I feel as though I'd like a different kind of lifestyle...one where I'm not a slave to my house and yard. I've been purging belongings from the house ever since my wife died. Initially, most of if was her things. She had a hard time letting go of stuff, so it was a big process. Then I moved on to some of my things. There is still paperwork to be dealt with. The last time I attempted it, it was just too hard to cope. There are photographs too, ones from before I knew my wife. Haven't been able to face those yet either. I've been dismantling her life and the one that we shared for the past 3 1/2 years. Maybe I won't know what to do with myself when that process ends. I'm still looking for a realtor..but would appreciate some advice too. I've done some of the jobs which I knew had to be done..staining and painting for example. But I wonder what else I might have overlooked. I mostly likely won't look to be selling until the spring next year either. I need to know where I'm going for one thing! Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 Hi Free, As an " Aussie", who's never even seen a bear, that sounds terrifying !! It does sound like you live in a beautiful part of the world. I can imagine , that might be hard to give up. I can understand the indecision, as well as the wavering between wanting "adventure", but also stability. I have it, as well, and hope you're right about there being a middle ground ! I don't think you should be embarrassed about your indecision. I think it's perfectly natural , that you would feel that way. It's your home , and I'm sure it carries so many memories for you. It's familiar & comfortable, and the thought of leaving, probably pulls you out of your " comfort zone", even if you feel you should, & that it's time to make a move. I'm not sure if that's how you feel, but I'm thinking it would be close to that. I know that's how I feel, when I think about a change , like that. I'm sure, ultimately, you will make the right decision for you. I'm also in total agreement about possible " unnecessary" medical tests. Particularly, when they involve " general anaesthetic" !! Something to be avoided at all costs, in my opinion. I hope you enjoy your week of sunshine ! Let's hope the weatherman's right ! I know it makes such a difference in my mood. I love sunshine & blue skies. Love, Ali. Hi Ali, There are bears and cougars in BC and sightings happen all over the province, even in urban centers. I haven't seen one that close for a long time, and not since I've been out riding my bike. Here, their hibernation is only in Jan and Feb..so they can be around most of the year. Black bears are normally not a problem in terms of attacking people, unless you get between them and their cubs. But they are large and imposing... It's hard not judging myself around the indecision or the ever-changing decisions about leaving here. At times, not just the home, but also the area, carry so many reminders that I find painful. In other moments, the same things are comforting. I know that I don't want to tend to this much house and yard anymore. In fact, that was true even when my wife was still here. But there are few other options for me in terms of affordable housing in this neck of the woods. One of the areas I'm considering is just as beautiful, but different. It's more inland with mountains, lakes, and trees. It's much sunnier, which means snow--rather than rain. In some respects, I've never fully adjusted to living in such gray climes. I miss the sun and blue skies over the winter. But after more than 25 years away from the snow and cold, I wonder how that will be too. But mostly, I wonder if I'm up for moving to a place where I don't know anyone and completely starting over...still finances may well dictate my ultimate decision. I want a much more affordable home too, which will allow me more freedom to do other things. We definitely agree on the medical stuff. There are things I intend to opt out of in the future, tests I've done in the past. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
tgirl Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Hello Free, Just wanted to stop bye and see how your doing. Scary about the Bears! I don't think I would be riding out there either. Hope you are well, Tgirl April 2014 remeron 45mg. June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!! Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0 Currently Remeron 7.5 Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems. August 2015 down to 0.1 mg Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg. Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 Hi Tgirl...nice to see you here. How are things going for you right now? I know most people are scared of animals like bears...honestly, the 2 legged varieties (humans) are more of a concern in my mind. But yes, I'll be riding in more populated areas for the time being. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
AliG Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Free, Just lost a " whole post". Will come back at a later stage, when I get past it . LOL. !! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 Aah....I hate when that happens Ali. I'm sure it will be just as good the 2nd time around! I just got my test results on colon screening. Yep, all normal this time. That's the sound of me breathing an enormous sigh of relief. Though I've worked hard at not letting my mind go hog-wild with worry, it's not easy to completely set it down. Now, no argument with the doctor about colonoscopy...but I need to get a prescription refill for thyroid meds for now..though I intend to pursue other thyroid testing on my own and hope to treat more naturally and maybe more effectively too. I'm going to tell the doctor, not ask, about doing diabetes blood work every 6 months, instead of every 3. I don't actually need him to rewrite the orders, even if he disagrees. It's just what I'm doing. This whole thing has made me even more determined around my health goals...as well as stepping further out of the western model of testing for every darn thing...except of course, the things that might actually be helpful for me. But I'm not going to succumb to doing stuff solely because a doctor thinks it's the best course of action, especially when I don't necessarily trust or respect their opinion. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
direstraits Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 oh,that's wonderful,free...so happy for you. went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Free, Totally , get it ! I have come to the conclusion, you have to be your own " health advocate". You use them , for your own purposes .( doctors) that is !! Do the research, and tell them what you want. In my humble opinion, they are only good for ordering tests, - but only if needed !! Again, you have to research ! As you probably know by now, I'm anti - doctors, tests etc . !! I really think, by now , I have done so much more research, than any doctor I know . I literally turn up & tell them what to do ! They have no clue ! Literally, " clueless". Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Hibari Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Hi Free, Glad to hear your colon screening was clear-I find getting past some of those tests can lift my anxiety (just had that with a mammogram). I agree with you about moving away from the standard western medicine protocol. I believe that if given a chance, the body will seek health and signal us about what we need. Sometimes we do need the help of western medicine but for the most part, I think if we take care of our bodies to the best of our ability, we can live in a healthy state. Being put on antidepressants has confirmed this for me. I read your post on clearing things out and how overwhelming it can be especially around the items that are about the people you have loved. I have been on a de-cluttering path though it goes in fits and starts. A friend of mine recommended the book, The life-changing magic of tidying up by Marie Kondo. Because I am too foggy at times to read the whole thing, she told me that the author recommended throwing things out in a particular order because starting with the sentimental items first was too much for most people and for good reason. I couldn’t look at any of the things I saved after my mother died till now, 3 years later. The author recommended doing it in this order Clothes, Books, Paper, Miscellaneous items and the last category was Mementos. I have done the first two categories and now am in the paper category-yikes! I have so much paper that I have saved but I have found that I can scan the stuff I want to hold onto and shred the rest. The author really believes, and I do too, that when we throw things out and clear our spaces, our lives begin to change. I am seeing that change happening in my professional life as I really clear out my papers (and reduce my meds). Just wanted to pass the book title on but I have a feeling you already understand the connection she makes about our living spaces and ourselves. I too have been on thyroid medication , for about 25 years. I take Armour Thyroid, which was prescribed to me by a medical doctor who was holistic. Since then I have had many doctors try and switch me off of it to but I know it targets both T3 and T4 effectively. It has helped me immediately after I started taking but I am thinking after I get off my meds, and then the bioidentical hormones, that I will look at my thyroid support. I will see how acupuncture fits into this. From my perspective, I think you are doing well, moving forward with great consciousness. I notice through out your posts a steady change that may feel incremental to you but is very evident since I have joined this site and read through your thread from the beginning. Don't know what else to say, except I have faith in your process. 9/2013-4/2014: After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro, Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs 1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs 7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021 Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize 10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6 6/16 3.4 6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7 7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0 9/5 1.8 9/16 1.6 9/30 1.4 10/13 1.2 10/26 1.0 11/9 0.8 11/22 0.6 12/6 0.4 12/23 0.2. 2024 1/4/24 Remeron/Mirtazapine free Additional Support: Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs, L-theanine Link to comment
freespirit Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 Thanks for this Hibari...saying you have faith in my process. I mostly can, but like anyone, feel very lost in some moments. In general throughout my life, I've found it relatively easy to let go of "stuff". Some aspects of it have been harder since my wife's death, but I've persisted through it. I'm down to the last few things that need to be sorted. I find it best if I wait until the moment is right. Otherwise, it is overly painful and not very useful..in that it's hard in those moments to let things go. I have only a few of her clothes left, which I've thought of making into a quilt. Most of her personal belongings are gone...I still have almost everything that she gave me, all of which are things I treasure and bring fond memories. It's hard to know what to bring with you, when you don't know where you're going!...that's where I am now. I don't know exactly which parts of my life I want to carry forward with me. In the past, I've sometimes ditched things..then found that thing (like doing art) comes around again, and I'm faced with buying all new supplies again. Though I desperately want to move forward in some ways, it seems to me that it's not yet time...I am still very much "in process" I think. I made about 10 trips in my station wagon to the thrift store and they've been here several times to pick up furniture...plus the bags of things that went to the landfill...including about a dozen bags of shredded paper. It's been a long process, much like everything else. I know there's another layer to address though. But I felt an enormous weight lift with all that letting go. We had way too much clutter in the house. It's now much more the way I'd prefer to live in a place...but of course moving to a smaller house will call me to let go even more. This was posted on FB today and really spoke to me. David Whyte is one of my most beloved writers: "Courage is the measure of our heartfelt participation with life, with another, with a community, a work, a future. To be courageous, is not necessarily to go anywhere or do anything except to make conscious those things we already feel deeply and then to live through the unending vulnerabilities of those consequences. To be courageous is to seat our feelings deeply in the body and in the world: to live up to and into the necessities of relationships that often already exist, with things we find we already care deeply about: with a person, a future, a possibility in society, or with an unknown that begs us on and always has begged us on. Whether we stay or whether we go - to be courageous is to stay close to the way we are made." ... COURAGE From CONSOLATIONS:The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaningof Everyday Words© 2015 David Whyte and Many Rivers Press Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Hibari Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Free said It's hard to know what to bring with you, when you don't know where you're going!...that's where I am now. I don't know exactly which parts of my life I want to carry forward with me. In the past, I've sometimes ditched things..then found that thing (like doing art) comes around again, and I'm faced with buying all new supplies again. Though I desperately want to move forward in some ways, it seems to me that it's not yet time...I am still very much "in process" I think. That makes a lot of sense, it is hard to know what to bring when you don't know where you are going. Yes, it sounds like you are very much in process and are very conscious of letting it unfold. Thank you for posting that poem, it is lovely and I am copying it to look at when I need to. I absolutely have faith in your process. 9/2013-4/2014: After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro, Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs 1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs 7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021 Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize 10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6 6/16 3.4 6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7 7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0 9/5 1.8 9/16 1.6 9/30 1.4 10/13 1.2 10/26 1.0 11/9 0.8 11/22 0.6 12/6 0.4 12/23 0.2. 2024 1/4/24 Remeron/Mirtazapine free Additional Support: Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs, L-theanine Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted September 30, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 30, 2015 Once again free.......I can relate. I do need to move from this area of mine.........I think I do...........in any case downsize, and get rid of a lot of stuff. And I get excited about moving too.....to I do not know where yet either. I am on the 2 year plan for all this though..........although the 2 year plan started last Spring and I have done some things........but not a whole lot. In any case.......boxes and boxing up stuff and labeling comes next(this before truly parting with anything). And tomorrow have a Realtor guy coming to kind of advise me on prioritizing what I should do to maximize my sale price...........later, of course. I am sure I will get a pretty good spiel of his services and all too.......but that will be helpful in the long run. Then.......I wonder? Really? Should I ? I am decided though to go eventually..........less stress and all that I figure.........more time to just live, and do other stuff besides the endless home maintenance and all. Shoot.......should we just do a home switch?? And I am kidding, people don't always know, but I am..........I need this nest this winter.......no doubt in my mind about that right now. Thanks for sharing this MMT. Will you still stay in the SW area though? I know what you mean about being able to just live and not have the responsibility of endless house maintenance. I feel as though I'd like a different kind of lifestyle...one where I'm not a slave to my house and yard. I've been purging belongings from the house ever since my wife died. Initially, most of if was her things. She had a hard time letting go of stuff, so it was a big process. Then I moved on to some of my things. There is still paperwork to be dealt with. The last time I attempted it, it was just too hard to cope. There are photographs too, ones from before I knew my wife. Haven't been able to face those yet either. I've been dismantling her life and the one that we shared for the past 3 1/2 years. Maybe I won't know what to do with myself when that process ends. I'm still looking for a realtor..but would appreciate some advice too. I've done some of the jobs which I knew had to be done..staining and painting for example. But I wonder what else I might have overlooked. I mostly likely won't look to be selling until the spring next year either. I need to know where I'm going for one thing! I can share with you most of what I am still processing from today. It went well and gave me some real peace and hope. And I've got notes! Should I PM this info. at a later date? Little stuff really.......but he put it together nicely for me and even showed concern. Yikes.........I'm going to give it a year from this Spring.........unless somebody shows up with some kind of out of this world offer prematurely. I may or may not stay in the SW. One option.......lol........a goat farmer a bit further South........sounds kind of isolated though. I just hope I can get some experience in the "hospitality" industry this winter..........I have a dream.......I have a really nice dream...........!!! I cried for just a moment while this realtor was here.......as I described some of my wonderful neighbors and all I have been given........and learned.........sheesh, good tears, healthy tears............. And the local handyman/landscaper called a few hours ago. I have help! Just don't rush me people!! I mean local people. And of course, I won't say goodbye........I will just ride a little further off into the sunset......or sunrise or rainstorm even. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 MMT, I'd definitely like to hear what the realtor told you, so feel free to PM me. I can relate on the tears about leaving...it's definitely a mixed bag for me too. For the most part, I have great neighbors. And for both my wife and myself, actually setting down roots somewhere was very significant. In a sense, I feel as though we both grew up in this house..though we were approaching 50 when we bought it. We put a lot of love, sweat and tears into this home and yard. Some parts will make it difficult to leave... I've found in the past, that moving to a new place, allows for a new self to emerge...and it's sometimes more possible to let go of parts of oneself that no longer serve. Perhaps it gets harder to move as one ages...I've never agonized this much about moving before. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Tilly Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I just got my test results on colon screening. Yep, all normal this time. That's the sound of me breathing an enormous sigh of relief. Amazing news, Free! I'm so happy to read this. Our health is our wealth. Your wealth increased today Enjoy the peace of mind that this allows you. As always, you are in my thoughts. I will stop by again soon. In the meantime, huge hugs to you. Be gentle with yourself. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 2, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 2, 2015 Will do, free. Hopefully tomorrow. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted October 3, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 3, 2015 Hey Free - I came here because I have processed what you said on the Alpha-Stim thread about dreaming, how you miss dreaming. And - hey - you lived in a Tipi at Big Sur (or something) so you will get this: you can cultivate dreams. You have a meditation practice? This kind of goes against the "mindfulness" or "zen" thing where if you meet the Buddha on the road, you are to kill him - because "manifestations" can be traps. But you can cultivate manifestations. The easiest way to start is strengthening your visualization skills. Gently cover your eyes with your palms, and rub gently until you see the lights, these are phosphenes. GENTLY, too much of a good thing is not a good thing. (eventually, you will not need to palm your eyes at all) Use your skills to form these phosphenes into colors and shapes. The easiest one is the numbers 1 through 9. Visualize them, first in 2D, as a flat color. Make them all the same color, then work on making each one a different colour. A good example of a nice long meditation is to go through the spectrum black-red-orange-yellow-green-blue-indigo-violet-white - make all numbers 1-9 in black. Start over, make them in red. Then orange, etc. Hold each number for a few seconds, then let go, let the number fade fully before conjuring up the next one. Think of variations - visualize roman numerals, or domino faces. Make the background light and the number dark, then reverse the background to white (much harder). Then move to 3 dimensional numbers - rotate the numbers in your minds eye, to see all 3 dimensions of them. When you get really good at these variations, you can start to do numbers of things. Like One Tree. Two Birds. 3 Hens (whups, where's the partridge and pear tree?) - whatever you want. The more detail the better, and the more colourful the better. A longer form of this is the alphabet. When you can hold the images for longer, you can use longer strings of images. I love to use the Norse Runes, myself, but I have an affinity for them. As you get good at alphabet, then you can do words, or even affirmations. Other things to visualize are shapes - circles squares, then move into 3D shapes - spheres, cubes, etc. (this is a variation on the numbers theme). Or maybe you can start with a simple Yantra or Mandala, gradually making it more complex. You can visualize drawing the mandala, or you can try visualizing it wholly formed all at once. Start with just 5 minutes a day. It is something you can practice while you are waiting in a waiting room, or pause by the sea and close your eyes for a short time. By strengthening your inner eye, you are training it to show you things. This is a way to do it without creating art (which is also awesome for dreaming), which I am pretty lame at. But the visioning work - with a little "massaging," seems to come to me more naturally than other esoteric practices. Especially since I can control it, it doesn't require subservience to any belief, practice, guru, or religion. "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus JanCarol Posted October 3, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 3, 2015 So while I came here to post that, I also read your thread: You wrote: I'd be interested in hearing what you know about the other co-factors too Jan. I have looked at these. I found this list: To get the most benefit from vitamin D, you must have other cofactors in your body. Vitamin D has a number of cofactors; the ones listed below are the most important. MagnesiumVitamin K Zinc Boron Vitamin A Pasted from <https://www.vitamindcouncil.org/about-vitamin-d/vitamin-d-and-other-vitamins-and-minerals/> I am on all of these except for Vitamin A. The Zinc I am on to balance my copper (emotional balance), the boron, I started taking as a co-factor with Magnesium. The magnesium has so many benefits all it's own - responsible for something like 200-400 neurotransmitter cascades in the body and brain. The vitamin A I am a bit leery of for me, perhaps because it is metabolized in the liver, and that makes me nervous with my former drug load. I will consider it in future. I'm a huge fan of Vitamin K. Weston Price has all kinds of articles on it (calling it co-Factor X), and Chris Kresser speaks very highly of it. One of the main functions I see for Vitamin K is the way it takes calcification from your arteries and brain, and deposits them in bone. This has to be a good thing. YOU CAN get it in diet - grass fed butter, nattokinase, and dark leafy greens. I take a supplement, as I'm not reliable to eat all the right foods. I hear you about the dairy thing. But you see - you are not caught, then, in the dairy trap. Too much dairy - besides being mucous forming - can trap your magnesium, and most of the vitamin D in commercial milk is crap, anyway. I'm off dairy for my IBS, but I am taking 10k of Vitamin D. I was on 5, but have upped it to try and improve my sleep, skin, and mood. And it, too, is not really a "Vitamin," but is a hormone, and a co-factor for so many other nutrients, too (in my understanding). You wrote: Since my wife died, I seem to have more trouble adjusting to changes in the seasons. There are obvious reasons for some of that, like heading into the time of year when diagnosis first happened, or when she began to seriously decline. But more than that, it's like I have to remember each time how to "do fall" or there's more of a sense of being at loose ends, restless, and not the usual anticipation of that parts that I like when seasons change. Like being more of an introvert, fall used to be a time I looked forward to. Now, I think more about lonely, dark evenings. When in the US, I was very sensitive to seasonal changes. Now, I miss them. There has to be a balance between the freezing cold wet dark, and the seasons here in the Land of Oz, which are subtle and almost imperceptible to my nature-based mindset. At least I don't have to use a lamp for mood, instead, just go outside, especially in spring and summer. One Vit D article I read (or vid I watched, hard to keep track sometimes) talked about "stocking up" on Vit D for the winter. That in ancient times (or even more recently as a few hundred years ago) we would work the fields in spring, summer, and fall - outside hunting, collecting, gathering - and also gathering enough Vit D to last us through the dark of winter. This seasonal pattern is even more vital to long term health than the daily one, which is so important for sleep and wake cycles. ManyMoreTodays wrote: And here is a question for you...........how do tell if a acupuncture place is reputable? I just happened to walk by a place last week and they do sliding scale prices too...........but still feel kind of hesitant about going in and scheduling or even calling them. I don't know if it's a trust issue or financial worry.........the why don't I? Or the not wanting to take further responsibility for my own health. Or appointments are just a pain. I liked your suggestion of the student practitioners. Sometimes being a healer is not about training, but about instinct, caring, and empathy. Learning a method is just a technique for applying those native gifts. I have had acupuncture in the past, and have learned what I like. I like my acupuncturist to be not Chinese - I've found the Chinese practitioners to be arrogant, mysterious, and unwilling to explain to you what they are doing or why, or what is going on. I like my practitioner to be communicative. Turns out, my current practitioner is an excellent listener, too. (maybe even better than my p-doc or GP!) Most practitioners will let you chat to them, interview them, to find out what their priorities are. You can tell them - I have special needs (withdrawal) and watch them for their response. Do they seem to understand where you are coming from? Is my case too complex for you? Are you interested in my case? You can usually tell when it is a truly caring, healing person - or if it is someone who is just interested in "procedure" without considering your process. You wrote: though I intend to pursue other thyroid testing on my own and hope to treat more naturally and maybe more effectively too. Ah. Yeah. Speaking of co-factors - I've been learning about them for thyroid, too. I saw a great article, then lost it, about co-factors for making your thyroid more efficient. There were cofactors for each section of the Thyroid profiles, whether T3, T4, or TSH or other elements were involved. I'm afraid my research was not cognitively absorbed enough for me to get much out of it - but I'd like to make you aware that there are thyroid co-factors - and the one I've decided on for me is iodine (small amounts, in kelp, not in the mineral itself) and selenium (which is completely absent from Australian soil). But for yourself, if you get a comprehensive thyroid work-up, you may be able to balance your own if you can understand the research. If you do, and you can help me to understand, that would be great, too! Hibari's recommendation for the Armour thyroid - that is legal for you to get (not so, for me) is a good suggestion. However, even though it addresses full specrum thyroid, you know that not one size fits all. So many people do better on Armour, but my GP (yes, I know, Western Medicine) would rather adjust EACH element, T3, and T4, pharmaceutically, instead of just taking a glandular. I am on a full spectrum, and if I get my T3 up high enough, then my T4 is still deficient, and my TSH is 0. My GP looked at this with a snort, but my Ortho-doc takes it in stride. I return to the co-factors, as a way of correcting these weird numbers. I don't know what I'm doing, really, but I've got to try - if only to stay away from doctors all the more! Free, again: It's hard to know what to bring with you, when you don't know where you're going! LOL it's hard to know what to bring with you, what to give away, what to sell, what to throw away - even when you DO know where you are going! I have mourned the loss of so many little, handy things I thought I could replace in moving to Australia, and have seen so much JUNK that I wish I'd left behind…. Steady state of overwhelm in the "stuff department." Great to visit with you, watching your growth, improvement, and insights is so good for all of us! I hope you see the Sun today! "Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again. My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices. A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia. CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013. Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine). Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 - Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years on Lithium). Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made. The tedious thread (my intro): JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium The happy thread (my success story): JanCarol - Undiagnosed Off all bipolar drugs My own blog: https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/ I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016! Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 I just got my test results on colon screening. Yep, all normal this time. That's the sound of me breathing an enormous sigh of relief. Amazing news, Free! I'm so happy to read this. Our health is our wealth. Your wealth increased today Enjoy the peace of mind that this allows you. As always, you are in my thoughts. I will stop by again soon. In the meantime, huge hugs to you. Be gentle with yourself. Tilly x Thank you Tilly. I'm feeling more at ease having this settled, as well as my cat having his teeth fixed up. The whole household feels more at peaceful now. I saw you posted on your thread, so I'll head over there too. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 Hey Free - I came here because I have processed what you said on the Alpha-Stim thread about dreaming, how you miss dreaming. And - hey - you lived in a Tipi at Big Sur (or something) so you will get this: you can cultivate dreams. You have a meditation practice? This kind of goes against the "mindfulness" or "zen" thing where if you meet the Buddha on the road, you are to kill him - because "manifestations" can be traps. Hi Jan, Yes, I lived in a canvas dome in Big Sur...I had some very big dreams while I was there. Nature is incredible and living that close to all of it awakened a lot of things within me. I have an eclectic meditation practice...I do everything from Buddhist loving kindness, to Kelly Howell brainsync, guided imagery, hypnosis and a few Taoist energy moving practices thrown in...and some chanting from the Reiki tradition. Thing is, I'm not a very visual person. Most things come to me through other senses. Did you know only about 50% of the population is primarily visual? That's why meditations that rely mostly or only on that sense don't work for a lot of us. In guided imagery, I evoke mostly sounds and sensations, and that will in turn, bring up images. I'm willing to give these things you suggested a try though. It's also made me interested in digging out the little device I do have, which is not like what you or others are using. This is mine: http://www.photosonix.com/products/luma-10 I didn't use it a lot, because I found the flashing lights a bit off-putting at times and only had 1 or 2 interesting experiences using it. You can combine it with music or imagery/meditation/hypnosis cd's too. I think some of the programs are designed to increase visuals. There have been a number of times through my life, when I've been going through very deep changes, where dreams just disappear for awhile. Carl Jung said of these times that "the unconscious is searching for new symbols". The only dreams I've remembered in this past year have been about my wife...and I think there have been maybe 4 or so in that time period. Absolutely nothing else besides that....not even a fragment of something. My unconscious must be stumped on trying to find those new symbols! lol. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 Jan, Thanks for all the information on co-factors. I've been interested in Vitamin K and doing a bit of research on it. I just don't want to end up on a whole pile of supplements, like I used to be. When you read, it sounds like you need 1 of everything. So, it takes some listening to discern what is right for the moment. I did see the sun today. I walked this morning, then went for a bike ride this afternoon. Apparently, my 100 km. weeks are no longer happening though. I don't notice it while walking, but my legs feel weak sometimes riding..and I just don't have the oomph at the moment for longer rides. Still, I'm on my bike nearly every day nonetheless. We're in a dry, sunny spell...so am doing my best to soak up every bit of light that I can. In some ways, I'm trying to still hold on to who I was during the summer..which of course, is never wise. Change of seasons means I'm changing too. Realizing that what is calling me more right now is to explore creatively. It's been a long while since I've done any art consistently, but I'm being regularly pointed back to that...and to music, meaning pick up my guitar again and start plucking away. Though I've always been comfortable with my own company, the winters here tend to be too isolating for me..even as a very introverted introvert! A friend has lent me a book on Zentangles: http://www.amazon.com/One-Zentangle-Day-Relaxation-Inspiration/dp/1592538118I'm going to give it a go, though I'm not sure I have the patience for it...maybe it will teach me patience..lol. If I like doing it, I can meet with my friend a couple of other women in this area once a week, where we would do art together for a few hours. I wonder if there's a way to combine my love of mandalas with the zentangles, which I'm sure there is. Anyway, good motivation to get going on my art...knowing it could mean having some companionship around it too. I won't stop riding and walking, but when it's dark early in the evening and pouring down rain...I need other things to keep my spirits up. I can only play so much Wii over the winter! Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
AliG Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Aah....I hate when that happens Ali. I'm sure it will be just as good the 2nd time around! I just got my test results on colon screening. Yep, all normal this time. That's the sound of me breathing an enormous sigh of relief. Though I've worked hard at not letting my mind go hog-wild with worry, it's not easy to completely set it down. Now, no argument with the doctor about colonoscopy...but I need to get a prescription refill for thyroid meds for now..though I intend to pursue other thyroid testing on my own and hope to treat more naturally and maybe more effectively too. I'm going to tell the doctor, not ask, about doing diabetes blood work every 6 months, instead of every 3. I don't actually need him to rewrite the orders, even if he disagrees. It's just what I'm doing. This whole thing has made me even more determined around my health goals...as well as stepping further out of the western model of testing for every darn thing...except of course, the things that might actually be helpful for me. But I'm not going to succumb to doing stuff solely because a doctor thinks it's the best course of action, especially when I don't necessarily trust or respect their opinion. I'm sorry Free. I never got around to saying how happy I am , that you got the " all clear" on the screening. That must be a huge relief, for you . I can imagine that has been hanging over you , like the " Sword of Damocles". I can hear you exhaling !! LOL ! Breathe ! On another note, even though I haven't yet " committed" to buying the bike, I have been doing my " Tour de S.A" training " , in " spin classes". !! LOL ! Such a nice dream, and makes me smile, every time I think about it !! Ride, on !! ( How are those T-shirts coming along ?? ) Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 Thanks Ali. Yes, a big weight off my shoulders regarding the stupid test. I'll be in no hurry to submit to any other kinds of tests for awhile now..no matter what the doc thinks. I am too busy training to design the tshirts right now...lol. After tomorrow, the sunshine is supposed to end and we're back to the rain...so I'm making hay while the sun shines, so to speak. I think my back hurts from lifting my bike on and off the bike rack of my car too many times! Oh well, that makes more work for the chiropractor. I think I need to do some weight training, to make the lifting of the bike on and off the rack a little easier..of course on the tour, we'll have someone else to do it, right? Glad to hear you're in training...the Tour de SA will be awesome! I think I'll be doing some art over the winter...so maybe, I can come up with a snazzy design for the shirts. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 The past few days have seen more low mood again...even with the sunshine and riding my bike and walking. Not sure what's up with that, except perhaps the Thanksgiving holiday is coming up this weekend..and yes, I find myself both thinking of past ones and wondering what to do to be more proactive in making something happen for this one. I've had a lot of moments of feeling sorry for myself for spending yet another holiday alone..and it's been difficult to change the channel on that belief. Yesterday, I took a longer ride on my bike. It's seeming to take at least 10 km. to get myself out of the blue mood. I managed a 21 k ride, some of it through some very ritzy neighborhoods--where I was plagued with feelings of not belonging...so I took myself back to one of my more usual routes and things got better in the 2nd half of the ride in terms of mood..except for when I was driving home in the car. At least I didn't give anyone the finger...lol...but did a fair amount of swearing. While that ride and the extra qi gong lifted my mood last night, I didn't sleep well. I was restless, had leg pain, and woke up cold after a few hours...followed by waking up too warm awhile later. Still, the better mood has lasted..so I'll take having a poor sleep in exchange. I'm seeing the chiropractor tomorrow and am hoping it will resolve more of the back pain again. Today is the last somewhat nice day predicted for weather this week...so onward with the training for the Tour de SA! Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Flowers Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Hi Free Just catching up on threads and it was good to read that you got the all clear for the colon screening. One less thing to worry about! Gosh you are doing amazingly well on your bike - you must be superfit! It's great that you have found something you enjoy that can help with your mood. I wish you lots of sunny autumn days so you can still get out and about. Much love Flowers xxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
tgirl Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Hello Free, Just wanted to say good luck with the chiro. Glad to hear that your mood lifted last night! Tgirl April 2014 remeron 45mg. June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!! Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0 Currently Remeron 7.5 Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems. August 2015 down to 0.1 mg Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg. Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Thanks Flowers and Tgirl. There's ever-deepening gratitude for finding things that make me happy...even if it isn't always there. Riding in autumn days is very different than the summer treks...and I'm learning how to love those differences too. Stephen Levine says "letting go of our suffering is the hardest work we'll ever do"...something I find to be very accurate. Those old mental patterns are sticky and persistent....and not very easy to let go of. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Tilly Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Free, You are a shining star! You do belong. Absolutely! To the very best of people, humanity, communities and human / animal love. ritzy, glitzy...meh shitzy! I can not write as well as I want to, due to my current functioning, but wanted so much to respond. Your feline friends are blessed and loved as much as we are here to have you as a part of our family. The Autumn rolls into winter and brings a sense of both loss and renewal. Our feelings never stay the same. You will cycle your way through the seasons and feelings of loss to a sense of renewal. I so wish I could stop by for a cuppa and cycle with you. Not to view a ritzy glitzy home (my trainers would splatter the cream carpets). But to visit the warmest and most genuine of women who has more ritz and glitz on offer than any material property! Be kind to yourself, lovely. You are the most beautiful of spirits, much loved, needed and wanted by so many (more than you currently acknowledge). Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
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