Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 31, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 31, 2015 Thanks MMT. I don't feel all that good, but admit that it's difficult to have perspective from the inside of this current wave. I'd settle for a job too. I've stopped caring about a career. Just need a way to bring in some money. Problem is, I've done such non-traditional training and work in my life...it's doesn't really add up to a job. If I was doing better physically, I'd consider cleaning houses a couple of days a week. It sounds like we're in a similar boat with training we'd both like to do. I don't have the extra money to do it, without having something coming in....still, people have at least heard of yoga. Would you like to teach it, or are you looking at it more as something to do for yourself? Qi gong is not very well known. I would like to use it for employment purposes and try freelancing it to various mental health treatment facilities. And for myself. I had read of the benefits of it for mental health awhile back. It was really interesting and scientific and I thought, a sound approach, to helping redo patterns that become fixed so often after trauma experiences. I think I could do some of the coursework online from the not local place. I was hoping the local place though could teach me a lot as well. When I went to the job fair I actually brought my Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator Career Report. Something I did a decade ago at a local college. I don't imagine that that kind of thing has changed for me. I am an Extraverted Intuition with Feeling. Lol. That sounds funny. That must bring up a lot all that clearing that you are doing of your wife's things. I trust that you just need to do that now. Like I had to reduce my Lexapro after my loved one's death........too quickly and all, but I know that mentality of.........well, it can't get any worse so let me do this other really hard thing now. I would hate to say don't trust yourself.......do something else........shift your focus and all that..........I don't know much about much except....... once again........I can relate. Oh well, maybe that gruesome story will take you out of your wavishness a bit. Doubtful. Thanks for letting me let it out though. Burp. Wow. Hey......I just deleted my gruesome story.........was good to type it all out but..........somehow, it just didn't belong is all. Yes, work on that sleep. Your cat is a queen...... it sounds like....... and you treat her/him as such. You are doing fine. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 Hi Free, I'm so sorry to hear of your recent wave. I hope that it abates very soon. Non traditional training has positives as you can meet the needs of a niche market. I know this from my own experience. Try to consider your options at a later date when you have the energy to give to this task. In the meantime, get plenty of rest and nurture yourself through this wave as best you can. I have memory boxes of letters, photographs and my journals. I tend to explore them at positive times and during lows for different reasons. There is always something of benefit that I get from this process. An uplifting, reinforcement, acceptance of loss or shedding of pain. I don't always understand the purpose at the time, but often do in retrospect. Give yourself time and permission to not understand this exploration right now. Allow it to become clear as and when it needs to. I too have a demanding kitty among my brood and have employed similar techniques as you recently in order to retrain behaviour and avoid jarring during a low ebb. All will be well with our feline companions, of this I am certain Be kind to yourself lovely. You are in my thoughts as always. We are doing the best that we can and progress can not always be seen in the present, but viewed more clearly retrospectively. Love and hugs to you, you beautiful spirit and wonderful woman. Tilly x Hi Tilly, Of course you're right...being at a low point is not a good place for making big plans on anything. This is one of those very well-worn ruts in my brain. I've been trying to find my work since I was 15...having tried a number of different things and when I look back at my life, feel as though I've failed at most of them. I'm heavily weighing the idea of downsizing and simplifying my life to a much greater degree, which would place a lot less demand on working. It might be the best thing for my mental health over the long term. I can pursue my various interests for myself, rather than trying to turn them into some kind of work. Struggling at the moment to be patient with myself and the process. In a few months, my wife will have been gone 4 years. I find it increasingly difficult to tell people I don't know what I want to do or where I want to live...how long can a person sit in the unknown? Sometimes, I wonder if it would be better to do something, anything...just move and see how things play out. It would be easier to do that, if I didn't have the cats. Also, having self-judgment about my reactions to my problematic cat. Lacking patience with him too. But somehow, I need to sleep..and can, without his interruptions. Last night, he scratched and cried to get in...while he's usually crying to get out. Nothing seems to be helping him these days...no amount of Reiki, cuddles, etc. settles him. He acts like he's in WD or has ADHD. I know he sometimes reacts to my moods and then, acts out...but I can't stop myself from feeling what I'm feeling..though I am careful not to upset them too much... More than anything, right now I feel weary from holding everything together. Just once, I wish someone would offer to prepare a meal for me or just think of asking me over on a holiday. I get tired of needing to be strong for myself, for the cats..still working on what to do regarding my retaining wall..which I hope does not collapse before I can have someone replace it...having a hard time deciding on who to do it and materials to use, etc. It can't be set aside, while other things can be. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 31, 2015 Author Share Posted October 31, 2015 Thanks MMT. I don't feel all that good, but admit that it's difficult to have perspective from the inside of this current wave. I'd settle for a job too. I've stopped caring about a career. Just need a way to bring in some money. Problem is, I've done such non-traditional training and work in my life...it's doesn't really add up to a job. If I was doing better physically, I'd consider cleaning houses a couple of days a week. It sounds like we're in a similar boat with training we'd both like to do. I don't have the extra money to do it, without having something coming in....still, people have at least heard of yoga. Would you like to teach it, or are you looking at it more as something to do for yourself? Qi gong is not very well known. I would like to use it for employment purposes and try freelancing it to various mental health treatment facilities. And for myself. I had read of the benefits of it for mental health awhile back. It was really interesting and scientific and I thought, a sound approach, to helping redo patterns that become fixed so often after trauma experiences. I think I could do some of the coursework online from the not local place. I was hoping the local place though could teach me a lot as well. When I went to the job fair I actually brought my Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator Career Report. Something I did a decade ago at a local college. I don't imagine that that kind of thing has changed for me. I am an Extraverted Intuition with Feeling. Lol. That sounds funny. That must bring up a lot all that clearing that you are doing of your wife's things. I trust that you just need to do that now. Like I had to reduce my Lexapro after my loved one's death........too quickly and all, but I know that mentality of.........well, it can't get any worse so let me do this other really hard thing now. I would hate to say don't trust yourself.......do something else........shift your focus and all that..........I don't know much about much except....... once again........I can relate. Oh well, maybe that gruesome story will take you out of your wavishness a bit. Doubtful. Thanks for letting me let it out though. Burp. Wow. Hey......I just deleted my gruesome story.........was good to type it all out but..........somehow, it just didn't belong is all. Yes, work on that sleep. Your cat is a queen...... it sounds like....... and you treat her/him as such. You are doing fine. MMT, I'm sorry for the additional pain you went through after the death of your partner. There are so many more losses that come with the big ones. We're often so focused on the large ones, that we forget how all those lesser ones are piled on. I'm grateful that you shared your story though, because it does help me. When I worked with people who were grieving, I typically saw those who were still more in the early stages. I never worked with anyone over the long term, so questions about "stuff" and many more things I've dealt with in the later years rarely came up. No one talks about how to go sort through and keep or discard aspects of a loved one's life. Not that anyone else could tell you what to do, because it's all so individual. But honestly, no one at all even mentions it...so you wind up thinking you're the only one still holding onto your wife's nursing certificate or spinning wheel or a few precious clothes. My friends, even ones who worked for hospice, very quickly stopped ever mentioning my wife. One friend started cringing whenever I mentioned her name. It's another loss, where there's no one to share stories with about her. Sometimes, I feel as though she never really existed, that our life together was just something made up in my imagination. I know that the focus of this site is on WD...but it's always been my thought that many of us end up on meds because of multiple lifetime losses, ones that we have never had the opportunity to grieve. And without grieving them, it will be hard to move forward in life... You are an extroverted feeling type. I'm an INFP (introverted feeling perceiving). Apparently, as we age, according to Jung, we take on some of the other less dominant features too..or can do. I think I was more extroverted when I was younger. How about you? I've found at times of sorting through belongings, that I need to be a bit angry or detached in order to do it..otherwise, the pain of loss is so profound that I end up in a puddle and unable to let anything go. These boxes of photos are stored near my bike, so I seem them every single time I go for a ride. They have been gnawing at me for some time...so it seemed right to begin to tackle them. The thing is, when I'm doing better, I don't want to go digging up grief. So there really is no good time to do it. I know sometimes I've pushed myself too hard about letting go and have later regretted it...I can often only tell in hindsight. I encourage you, if you're drawn to yoga, in whatever ways work for you. I believe working with the body is key to releasing and changing old patterns. My cats are over-the-top spoiled. That's coming back to bite me I think. It's hard to put your foot down, when they are this age. The little girl is a princess and her brother is king lion. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted November 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 1, 2015 Yup. It was only a month or slightly more when I felt censored talking to anyone about my loss. I vow to listen and validate emotions of others in the future, as often as possible, when the opportunity arises. Real life speak, I think though...........as far as doing that goes.............. I couldn't believe how crass people seemed to me.......back then...........at the time of his untimely death. I think I probably have it easy really.......minimal stuff, a couple fond remembrances is all.............. and was very gracious to his daughter for taking care of things...... quickly/unemotionally.........well, most of the time.........I admit being short on just a few occasions when it came to a few topics. And it was always that 2 on one thing going on.........she and her boyfriend(now hubby) and me standing alone. Triangulation? I don't know.........but I prefer one to one, if at all possible........I mean if both can speak the same language and all.......LOL...........it definitely helps with understanding and trust. Ah.......well............ You are not the only one holding on to some "stuff"..........I assure you..........reminds me.........where did I put that aftershave of his.......or was it men's cologne? It's calming. Brings back better memories......the ones I need to keep. Yes, definitely I think the extravert/intuitive/feeling me can and does like to go to introvert and perceptual mindfulness at times. Needed for balance, here on the ground level. Must get the application in for the job where I arrange the lift lines creatively.........lol.......and be kind and friendly and informative to all, while punching/checking lift passes. "Those people" were the friendliest at the job fair. Not sure if that falls under "mountain operations" or what.........best do my homework........later. As always, I appreciate the rest of your comments.........I see blue skies today.........must decide where to donate the rest of the candy, and where to show up today.......... Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 8, 2015 Author Share Posted November 8, 2015 I'm taking a break from posting on here for the most part. I'm finding it more beneficial at the moment to face into the emotions, do a lot of qi gong and meditation, and get outside no matter what the weather. Not being on the board has helped settle my mind a lot. As I posted on Ali's thread, I'm finding myself face-to-face with some aspects of myself and my life experience that I've never fully been able to accept or meet with compassion. It's not very pleasant work, but work that has to be done. I can't keep dragging these things around and wonder why my life and relationships don't change. At the same time, I've learned of a possible work position that I intend to apply for. This of course, means updating my resume and cover letter, and being willing to risk myself being rejected. But this is also something I need to face into. I think if I'm fortunate enough to get the job, I'll take the qi gong teacher training--with the goal of doing it only for myself, with no plans to actually teach it. I need to stop replaying my pattern of doing things I'm interested in and trying to make them into my work. I know all the wisdom in the world tells you to follow your bliss, but that has simply never panned out for me on the work front. I think I'm better off to keep my interests and my work separate. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Hibari Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 I want to acknowledge your decision not to post for now. One of my favorite expressions is "I know what I know because I know how I feel'. I hear in your thread how you "know what you know" I also get your decision regarding your intentions around work. Sometimes having one area of our lives more in balance ripples into all the others. Wishing you peace and continued clarity over these next few weeks. H 9/2013-4/2014: After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro, Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs 1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs 7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021 Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize 10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6 6/16 3.4 6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7 7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0 9/5 1.8 9/16 1.6 9/30 1.4 10/13 1.2 10/26 1.0 11/9 0.8 11/22 0.6 12/6 0.4 12/23 0.2. 2024 1/4/24 Remeron/Mirtazapine free Additional Support: Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs, L-theanine Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 Thank you Hibari....I appreciate your input. It's also a process of gathering back all my energy, so I can face these things that I've not been very successful with in the past. I find reading a lot on here can lead my mind in so many different directions and when I try to meditate or do qi gong, my mind is so scattered...it then takes a long time to bring it back to the present moment. I agree with you about feeling some success in one part of life can help carry over to others... Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Flowers Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I totally understand as have been having breaks from the internet in general as well as this site. I seem to feel so much better if I am out and about now and the weather has been kind to us here this Autumn. I have been reading again and enjoying my books so much. I hope you manage to concentrate on those issues you want to address and work your way through them. Even though we may not be posting much you will still be in my thoughts as everyone else on here is. Hope you will stop by when you can to let us know how you are doing. xxxxxxxxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
melanie Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Hi Freespirit, Just wanted to let you know that I started reading your posts since you sent me that article on Buddhism. I read all the 13 pages of the article, you were right about suffering... I find your posts very inspiring. I hope one day you come back to the forum. Good luck with your work plans... I hope to reply your post one day on my thread. It gave me a lot to think of. Be kind and compassionate to yourself, Mel 1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/ Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 I totally understand as have been having breaks from the internet in general as well as this site. I seem to feel so much better if I am out and about now and the weather has been kind to us here this Autumn. I have been reading again and enjoying my books so much. I hope you manage to concentrate on those issues you want to address and work your way through them. Even though we may not be posting much you will still be in my thoughts as everyone else on here is. Hope you will stop by when you can to let us know how you are doing. xxxxxxxxx Flowers, I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying reading and finding ways to be more out in the world. Thanks for your support around doing things a little differently... I'll try to post something about where the process finds me these days... Take care. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 Hi Freespirit, Just wanted to let you know that I started reading your posts since you sent me that article on Buddhism. I read all the 13 pages of the article, you were right about suffering... I find your posts very inspiring. I hope one day you come back to the forum. Good luck with your work plans... I hope to reply your post one day on my thread. It gave me a lot to think of. Be kind and compassionate to yourself, Mel I'm glad you found the article on suffering to be useful. I appreciate your good wishes regarding work....I'm following where the whole thing is taking me. Sometimes, the process itself is far more beneficial than the outcome..in that it leads to certain freedoms or opens doors that had until that point, remained closed. I find that I'm seeing at least 2 sides to everything, including my participation on the board. It makes decision-making more complex and uncertain. There are things I both miss and don't miss from being on here more regularly. More than anything, I need to be what you said, "kind and compassionate"...because it is at these very junctures I've had the worst experiences with therapists, family, or friends...who heaped judgment, anger, and cruelty on me. I'm very carefully trying to attend to the wounded places with a kind of care that has rarely been shown to me. I'm fiercely protective of myself in ways I've generally reserved for those closest to me. I believe this is bringing about a kind of healing previously unavailable to me. But it's the process itself that matters most, not the outcome on this either. Thanks for stopping by... Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Tilly Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Hey lovely! Great to see you here as always. Just stopping by to send you a real time hug and let you know how much you are valued Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 Thanks Tilly....nice to meet up in real time....have been reading your posts on other threads with much appreciation. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Tilly Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Thanks Tilly....nice to meet up in real time....have been reading your posts on other threads with much appreciation. It Is my birthday this month. You asked me what I would do to celebrate. What I am able to do or not on the day will be dictated by my symptoms on that day. So be it. Regardless of the outcome of that day, one of the greatest gifts to me this year is getting to know genuine people very much including you, who understand, empathise and offer acceptance. This will be counted amongst my many blessings on my birthday, whether I am cycling, dining out or snuggling under the duvet watching films. Thank you for your friendship, Free. It is precious and valued x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 14, 2015 Author Share Posted November 14, 2015 Thank you Tilly. Your courage is an inspiration to me...your kindness to others as well. Blessings to you on your journey. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 14, 2015 Author Share Posted November 14, 2015 I've come to a place of knowing that it's time for me to leave SA. This has been brewing for some weeks, but recent events, both internal and external, have made things much more clear to me. The most important thing at this moment is protecting and caring for myself. I've worked long and hard to reconnect with myself following AD use, trauma, grief, and some terrible therapy experiences. I'll do anything on earth to protect myself and some very hard-won gains. For some time, I've wondered why the "sun" symbol never appeared on my thread, as it has on others. Now, I realize how little that matters. The truth is, I'm healing in ways that I never dreamed possible...and not just from AD use, but from those things mentioned above. I don't need anyone's validation or approval. In Hibari's words, "I know what I know." After a very long period of recovery, I am ready to return to work. If not this particular job I'm applying for, then something else...no matter if what's needed is to reinvent myself yet again. I've done it before and will do it again. I'm ready to be a part of the world again. I've reconnected with my body in a way that has been lost to me since my youth. I'm stronger, more resilient, and at the same time, more vulnerable. It's all good, even the vulnerability. I'm still learning how best to care for that aspect, which is both like and unlike the way I've always been. I'm connected back to the earth in ways I haven't been in a very long time too. I stumble and fall on a regular basis (metaphorically speaking). The earth is there to catch me, in the same ways it was for me as a child. I realized this week that through this whole time since my wife's death, I've never actually been alone, though I felt that way. I've had musicians and poets, writers, and artists as my companions. I have my cats. I have nature. I'm blessed to have a couple of very good friends. And I sometimes sense that my wife and our cats are still walking beside me, or standing behind me, when that's needed. I have all the people who made the imagery and meditations I listen to, a qi gong teacher, a couple of amazing practitioners, a lot of friends and loved ones who have passed on. I am immensely grateful for what I've been given. For a period of time, SA provided a stopping off place for me...but that's what it is, a place for me stop in, and then move on from. The same thing happened from the caregiver's group, then the widow's group I participated it. These things have been part of my journey, but they are not the journey itself. What's meant for me is to continue on my own, and in time, connect with whatever comes next. But it's necessary to let go of this, in order to make room for whatever is waiting for me. One of the hopes I have as to what comes next, is to take my writing back inside, and return to the book that I began a very long time ago. It's calling to me again. It's time for me to attend to that, and if it means it's written only for me, that's perhaps all that's needed. Time here is brief and passes before we know it...I want to make the most of whatever precious time is given to me. I'm grateful for what I've learned here, for the friendship and companionship, as well as some opportunity to offer back. I wish only the best in healing for everyone on here. I close with a couple of things that are close to my heart at the moment. A quote from Carlos Casteneda: "Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use.” And because music has been one of the keys to my recovery and healing. I leave this song. It helps remind me of what matters most in my life. It's what I experienced time and time again through hospice work, and what life came down to as I was caring for my wife. It's what has carried me through the challenges that life has brought. "In the end, only kindness matters." Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted November 14, 2015 Administrator Share Posted November 14, 2015 freespirit, there was no intention to withhold a "here comes the sun" symbol from your topic; rather, it hasn't been clear you've recovered from withdrawal syndrome. Here is your ☼ Of course, everyone has their time to move on. Best of everything to you. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually! This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Tilly Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 This is a beautifully honest and touching post, Free. I am so pleased to see you acknowledge your progress, skills, qualities and value and embrace the chapter of your life that lies ahead of you. You have achieved and progressed so much in deeply distressing circumstances and times of profound loss. I am so proud of you. Your posts here have been of such value to so many. They have been inspirational, motivational, comforting and validating to me personally as has all of the wonderful advice and support that you have offered to me. Thank you for giving so much of yourself to benefit others. I deeply appreciate you doing this. As I have told you many times before, you are a wonderful person of integrity, kindness, compassion and spirit. You have so many precious and rare qualities to be cherished. I am blessed beyond measure to have found a friendship with you that will develop beyond your time here. Your absence will be felt deeply here, however your words remain to provide comfort, insight and inspiration to current members and those yet to find this resource. I wish you every continued success in your healing and the best that life has to offer you in all paths that you follow. You are never alone. You are much loved and valued. Tilly x 1999 - 2004 Paroxetine 20mg -> 2004 - 2007 Citalopram 20mg -> 2007 - short term Trazedone use (insomnia) -> 2007 - 2009 Fluoxetine 20mg -> 2009 - Jan 2012 Citalopram 20mg (Spring / Summer 2012 protracted withdrawal & related agoraphobia) -> 2012 - September Restarted Citalopram - unbearable start up effects. Discontinued in under 1 week -> Oct 12 - October 2014 Escitalopram - 10mg prescribed. Started on 5mg and worked up to 10mg in 2.5mg increments -> Oct 2014 - 5mg; 30/03/15 2.5mg; 15/04/15 3.5mg; 20/05/15 2.9mg; 19/09/15 2.8mg; 30/10/15 2.7mg; 13/11/15 2.6mg. Holding until March. Diet: mostly pescatarianl & lots of veg. Weekly offal for b vitamins. Turmeric, nigella seeds, avocados, apple cider vinegar, coconut products daily. Lots of fluids: water, lemon juice, coconut water, herbal & green tea (decaffeinated). Supplements: vitamin C 4000mg, Omega 3 fish oil - high DPA & EHA, vitamin E 400iu, vitamin D3 5000mg (Winter only - from sun in Spring / Summer), probiotics. Current Symptoms: chronic fatigue, erratic sleep, extreme photophobia, eye floaters, noise sensitivity, tinnitus, cognitive & speech difficulties, dizziness, irregular gait, poor co ordination, severe facial and upper body muscle tension, head and neck pressure. Coping Strategies: good nutrition, cooking, gardening & growing my own food, cycling, dancing, yoga, photography, sewing & creative pursuits, self massage, pampering, meditation, journalling, nature, cuddling cats & humans, laughter & humour, gratitude, self care, aromatherapy, audio books, word games & believing in myself, my potential and my future. "Everything I need is within me" - Shakti Gawain Link to comment
direstraits Posted November 14, 2015 Share Posted November 14, 2015 sad that you're leaving but glad that you feel able to move on with your life. thanks for all the support,advice,wisdom and caring...I'll miss you. wishing you all the best as you go on with your life. Love, Joanne XO went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
Hibari Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 I am happy you are following your inner voice about leaving SA and it's is so caring of you to let us all know instead of just disappearing. I will miss reading your insights and perspective. Thank you for all your kind support and wisdom, it has helped me tremendously on this journey. I hope in the way distant future, you will let us know how you are doing because I know there are many people here who will want to know . Wishing you continued heath and healing. Hibari 9/2013-4/2014: After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro, Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs 1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs 7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021 Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize 10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6 6/16 3.4 6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7 7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0 9/5 1.8 9/16 1.6 9/30 1.4 10/13 1.2 10/26 1.0 11/9 0.8 11/22 0.6 12/6 0.4 12/23 0.2. 2024 1/4/24 Remeron/Mirtazapine free Additional Support: Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs, L-theanine Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted November 15, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 15, 2015 Oh.....me too........will leave you a note here.......dear freespirit.........kindred spirit. Thank you. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
AliG Posted November 15, 2015 Share Posted November 15, 2015 Free, Love you and your spirit ! I will miss your words of wisdom, and your courage in dealing with the side effects of withdrawal, but also the " aftermath" that follows, and the positive transitioning that can occur as a result, due largely to self care and nurturing. You were big on this, and I think it affected quite a few of us , in a very positive way. Your QiGong was something that was very positive for a lot of people here, including myself. I think , we are all richer for having known you. . I know I certainly am. Love this quote. I close with a couple of things that are close to my heart at the moment. A quote from Carlos Casteneda: "Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use.” Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 freespirit, there was no intention to withhold a "here comes the sun" symbol from your topic; rather, it hasn't been clear you've recovered from withdrawal syndrome. Here is your ☼ Of course, everyone has their time to move on. Best of everything to you. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually! Alto, I wouldn't say I'd recovered from withdrawal syndrome. My definition of healing isn't what most people would adhere to. My intentions lie much more in whether I'm using this experience wisely, in terms of deeper learning and spiritual growth. However, I've come to a place where it's impossible for me to determine what is my natural waves and windows (this has always been true for me, though not quite as physically intense as during WD), and what might still be related to the drugs. I went through a car accident, brain injury, multiple losses and changes, health challenges all in a short period of time. There is no way of knowing if I'd be exactly where I am, even if I'd never taken AD. The way I live my life wouldn't be considered a "success" to most people. I don't expect to be out in bars anytime soon or attending parties...since I hate both those things and always have. Few people would want the kind of monastic life that I lead. However, what matters to me is that I am accepting who I am and what I need my life to be. I trust myself in knowing what bests serves me and follow that. To me, that's the deepest success...but it would mean very little to a lot of folks. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 sad that you're leaving but glad that you feel able to move on with your life. thanks for all the support,advice,wisdom and caring...I'll miss you. wishing you all the best as you go on with your life. Love, Joanne XO Thank you Joanne....I will miss you too. I very much appreciate sharing this part of my journey with you. Keep plugging..things can and do change over time. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 I am happy you are following your inner voice about leaving SA and it's is so caring of you to let us all know instead of just disappearing. I will miss reading your insights and perspective. Thank you for all your kind support and wisdom, it has helped me tremendously on this journey. I hope in the way distant future, you will let us know how you are doing because I know there are many people here who will want to know . Wishing you continued heath and healing. Hibari I've very much appreciated your wisdom Hibari. It was because of your sharing about acupuncture that I decided to give it a try. And I love that you've found a home in Alanon that serves you. I believe a sense of community can provide a sort of healing that is absent in one-on-one practices. There's great value in peer support, where everyone is an expert and has something to contribute. I think your experience and wisdom will continue to serve you well as you continue your path off drugs. I wish you well on this next stage of your journey. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 Free, Love you and your spirit ! I will miss your words of wisdom, and your courage in dealing with the side effects of withdrawal, but also the " aftermath" that follows, and the positive transitioning that can occur as a result, due largely to self care and nurturing. You were big on this, and I think it affected quite a few of us , in a very positive way. Your QiGong was something that was very positive for a lot of people here, including myself. I think , we are all richer for having known you. . I know I certainly am. Love this quote. I close with a couple of things that are close to my heart at the moment. A quote from Carlos Casteneda: "Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use.” Right back at you Ali...I love you and your spirit. In the midst of terrible suffering, you're on here encouraging and supporting...I think you're amazing in the face of what you've been through. That kind of self-care is available to every one of us, if we are willing to listen and follow what has always been there. Beneath abuse and all kinds of trauma, there's an inner core that contains exactly what we need. This is not a belief, it's a direct experience..not just for me, but for the many people I've had the privilege of walking beside through trauma, loss, and grief. Healing is your birthright, just as it's mine and everyone's. You are deserving of your own love and care. But as the Buddha said, "try that out and see if it's true for you". ((((((Hugs)))))) Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 I will come back and check in at some point in the future...for the moment, I need to let go of dwelling upon symptoms and focus more on building the kind of life that will support me through the next stage of my journey. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 15, 2015 Author Share Posted November 15, 2015 Oh.....me too........will leave you a note here.......dear freespirit.........kindred spirit. Thank you. Thank you many more todays...I have been corrected into using your full name too...lol. I'm so grateful for your sharing. You are authentic and true..a rare find in the world. All the best on whatever unfolds for you..in work, living situation..in all your life. Happy trails! Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted November 16, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 16, 2015 I hope I'm not too late to add my voice to the many who are going to miss you freespirit. I also feel privileged to have 'met' you and to have been able to benefit from witnessing your growing inner strength and self knowledge. Your words have made me think deeply about what is really important and have reinforced some of my own inner knowing. I'm so glad some of 'you' will remain here in the wisdom you have shared. The video you posted brought tears to my eyes and I just don't cry these days. My wish for you is that you are blessed with love and kindness for the rest of your journey, wherever it takes you. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 16, 2015 Author Share Posted November 16, 2015 Thanks for your good wishes Petunia. I hope you're blessed with those things as you continue your journey too. I've appreciated knowing you as well. I've loved reading your posts, which I've learned from and also in many respects, find affirming of my path too. I believe it's a good thing when we can be touched by something like this video. I watched this so many times during my acute grieving period. One of the things I miss most is my wife's kindness and compassion. I'm a veritable fount of sad or soulful music. It may seem counter-intuitive to listen to sad things when you're sad...but for me, I found these to be companions through the darkness. I hope that you are caring for yourself as well as you care for others on here. You give a lot through your writing, as well as through sharing of your own experiences. Blessings on this next phase of your journey. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
bluebalu86 Posted November 16, 2015 Share Posted November 16, 2015 I will miss you free. I find your posts very insightful and valuable. I hope you come back feeling much better and much healed. Take care friend I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.December - things getting even worse. January - unbearable suffering Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus dalsaan Posted November 16, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 16, 2015 Thanks for everything you have brought to SA, most of all your spirit. I wish you all the best travelling your path Dalsaan xx Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist. Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014. Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September. Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015. Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15). Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past. DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017 >My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan Link to comment
freespirit Posted November 17, 2015 Author Share Posted November 17, 2015 Thank you blue and Dalsaan. Best wishes to you both.... Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Flowers Posted November 17, 2015 Share Posted November 17, 2015 Dear Freespirit Thank you for giving such good advice and encouragement in your posts. I will miss you but am pleased that you feel able to move on and so I wish you good luck on the next stage of your journey. Do visit when you are able and let us know how you are doing. Love from Flowers xxx 15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM. MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT. JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month. 28.5 mgs FEB Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs . JUNE 24 mgs . JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to 22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed. 13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize 1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at 50 mgs at night. Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. XANAX Jan 27 - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover. Feb 14 2019 Updosed Xanax by .0625 Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily. Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM 20mg taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm. XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night. LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight. SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm. 7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm. 2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19 .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg x 2. 23.1.20 .23 mg x 2. 20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20 .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2. 18.6.20 .11mg x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2. 2.12.20 .06 mg x 2. 8.1.21 .05 mg x 2. 4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2. 7.4.21 .02 mg x 2. 9.5.21 .01 mg x 2. 21.6.21 .01 mg x 1. 11.8.21 ZERO! Link to comment
freespirit Posted January 13, 2016 Author Share Posted January 13, 2016 Thought I would drop in and update. It's hard to believe that 2 months have gone by... I got the job I applied for and started training in December. I was supposed to have a month to make the transition, but that didn't happen; I only got a couple of days of training. I started on my own this week. I'm interviewing caregivers of hospice patients for a research project. There is a lot of travel involved, including finding my way in places I'm unfamiliar with. Good thing for GPS! The driving is tiring at this point, but I imagine I'll get more used to it as time goes on. I'm only going to be working 45 hours/month or less. Ideal at this point. I appreciate being a part of a study that hopefully, will have some impact on the resources available to caregivers. I've added a number of supplements through this time and all have been well-tolerated. I think they are proving useful at this point. I'm taking phytoplankton oil, a good alternative for those of us who can't tolerate fish oil. Also have added CoQ10, B6, K2 and hope to add back B complex at some point. My mood has been reasonably good, even through the holidays...and with the the stress and anxiety of starting a new job. I've had my moments of course, but am getting better all the time of not letting myself go down the rabbit hole. Emotions come up and move through..the way I believe I am intended to process them. I'm still exercising 6 days a week, though outdoor bike rides are shorter, due to colder weather. I've had to adjust exercise times and duration, because of my variable and sometimes uncertain, work schedule. I continue do do about an hour or more of qi gong every day. At the end of a work day, it's amazing what a huge difference it makes. Same with meditation. Most evenings, I'm taking a magnesium bath and find I generally have better quality of sleep. Days I don't take the bath, I use mag lotion once or twice. I've found if I put the lotion on before bike rides, my muscles don't get sore at all. Having back and rib pain still, though better than it was. I'm back to both chiropractor and acupuncturist. These are making a huge difference in many symptoms. My mood is more stable, I have almost no fatigue, sleep is generally good, digestion seems normal. I wouldn't even describe my process as waves and windows anymore. After a couple of months of no weight loss, I've gone down 3 pounds this past month. The prominent remaining issue is food sensitivity. I'm still not able to eat a lot of higher histamine foods. I had black beans one day and woke up in the middle of the night as though I'd had a dozen cups of coffee..and was awake most of the night. I get hives once in awhile too. Had a small bit of yogurt last week, plus a tiny bit of pineapple. Still have hives from that. But the problem foods no longer seem to affect my digestion as they once did, nor do they cause muscle or joint pain. It's been very good for me to step away from SA. I spend very little time thinking about symptoms or being in Wd. My focus has shifted to feeling more a part of the world again. It's been a hell of a long haul, and not just from getting of the drugs. I've felt more or less incapacitated and withdrawn from life since my MVA in 2008. Every little while, I notice more aspects of myself returning. Patience, which felt lost for ever..is back. I feel more gentle and compassionate with others too and with myself. I'm feeling myself more and more as the strong, determined, resourceful woman I once was. For the first time since my wife's death (well, since I met my wife really), I find myself attracted to someone. It's an impossible situation and I'm using the experience just to look at my emotions, work through some things that I need to..and accept that these feelings will never go anywhere. Though sometimes a bit scary, it's also good to feel alive again. Remeron robbed me almost completely of libido...but apparently, that too, was temporary. And yes Alto, I will one of these days soon, write a success story. I wanted to see how I'd fare with work first... Healing is always possible. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
direstraits Posted January 13, 2016 Share Posted January 13, 2016 so happy to hear from you,free! I thinkof you often and am so glad to hear how well you're doing; so happy for you. I've worried how you were coping with all the nasty weather you've had there but you seem to be doing fine. I hope things continue to improve for you. take care...xoxo went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
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