success ☼ freespirit: Mirtazapine withdrawal

[GardeniaBlossom]

Thanks for letting us know how you're doing, freespirit. I thought about you today and wondered how you were doing. I hope by tomorrow that at least some of this lifts. I'm sorry to hear that your swim didn't help.

 

I wouldn't go back and see a doctor if I didn't feel comfortable with her. Also her assessment of what you needed and the course of treatment you required was not accurate before. I wonder if there is another osteopath in the area who might be able to more help.

 

I hope you're able to sleep well, tonight.

 

xo

[MissTrish]

Sent you some healing Reiki energy this morning, free.

[freespirit]

Sent you some healing Reiki energy this morning, free.

 

I believe I felt that....my back and mood are both better today. Very much appreciated..and I would be happy to return the favor, anytime you need it.

[freespirit]

Thanks for letting us know how you're doing, freespirit. I thought about you today and wondered how you were doing. I hope by tomorrow that at least some of this lifts. I'm sorry to hear that your swim didn't help.

 

I wouldn't go back and see a doctor if I didn't feel comfortable with her. Also her assessment of what you needed and the course of treatment you required was not accurate before. I wonder if there is another osteopath in the area who might be able to more help.

 

I hope you're able to sleep well, tonight.

 

xo

 

Thanks for your good wishes GB. You're right about the osteopath--I wouldn't go back to her. The next closest osteopath is a 2 hour drive away, and is not covered by medical insurance. I saw a cranial therapist in the same city after my car accident. I don't know how I was able to sit in the car for all that time, before and after treatment..but it doesn't feel like a possibility right now.

 

I ended up walking, riding my bike, and doing an hour of qi gong last night. By the time I went to bed, I was less grumpy. Today is better.

 

While I love swimming and find the activity helpful...it is difficult these days being at the pool. I get very reactive to more aggressive swimmers, and the noise. If I had my own pool, I'd probably swim daily. For me, it's like qi gong in the water..very meditative and helps to clear my mind, in addition to the physical benefits. Since I haven't yet won the lottery, my own pool is highly unlikely.

 

I did rest very well last night, in spite of it being very warm. I've come to feel so grateful for sleep...

 

I hope you are doing okay GB.

[freespirit]

I'm very happy to say that my back pain has been greatly reduced. I had 1 day of being mostly pain-free and a couple of having only a few bouts of pain. I was able to swim for a longer period last night and today, went out on my mountain bike. I can manage about 1/2 hour of walking now, before it starts to hurt more. Even when the pain is there, it's not as severe as it was before. I still think I'll wait until next week for another chiropractic treatment.

 

Have had more emotions coming up since seeing the chiro....but it passed more quickly this time. Yesterday was a "feel sorry for myself" kind of day. I keep trying to steer myself towards feeling grateful for what I do have...but am not always successful.

 

Still having a very major issue with hives. It got a lot worse last week..and maybe partly caused by taking that 1 T3. Apparently codeine can set off a histamine reaction. It could also be due to the heat. I'm waking up at night itchy and scratching. Nothing much seems to help. Trying to just ride it out.

 

I haven't been keeping track, but for the past while, I have been feeling better most days around 5 PM. This morning was different. I got up and changed the sheets, put in a load of laundry, cleaned the house and watered the garden...all done by 10 AM. After lunch, I went out for a bike ride. It's been a long time since I've been able to ride outside, because of my back.

 

I'm taking naps again most days...partly because it's so hot, making it harder to sleep as well at night..and partly, because it seems to improve my mood most of the time. It's too hot for my cats to want to sleep beside me...but once in awhile, they do join me on the bed.

 

In just over a month, it will be a year since I stopped taking Remeron. I remember at that time, thinking I had it made, believing I'd been through the worst of it while tapering..and in some ways, that was true...but in others, some aspects have been worse since I jumped off.

[direstraits]

so glad to hear you're feeling better,hope it continues xo

[MissTrish]

Free, what kind of soap do you use?  I was feeling really hivey over the past few weeks and discovered the main cause was the fragrance in the soap I was using.  As you know, I make soap and I was using one with a fragrance oil that apparently my skin didn't like.  I went back to my old standby - lavender eucalyptus - and things have improved greatly.  I'd look for a natural soap, not a detergent bar.  You may already know/do this.

 

I'm down to 2.8 mg Remeron myself.  My body keeps rejecting the drug and I keep tapering.  I have been reading some interesting info that makes sense to me.  It's being talked about in a Facebook group I belong to for survivors of psych drugs - you may already be familiar with it, but it's about limbic kindling.  The theory is that stresses on the brain have led to a chronic hypersensitivity, and in many of our cases that stress was the drugs.  Here's a good link:

 

http://www.cortjohnson.org/blog/2014/05/17/limbic-kindling-hard-wiring-brain-hypersensitives-chronic-fatigue-syndrome/

 

I'm also having back/bone structure issues.  I do have scoliosis, which I've been able to ignore most of my life, but poor posture (due to the scoliosis itself) and too much time spent in chairs in front of a computer have made it worse.  If I had the money I'd be in the chiropractor's office at least weekly.  I went last week and she straightened me out (one hip was higher than the other pre-visit).  I am doing mini-yoga sessions daily to try to help with that, but I also think that coming off the Remeron has contributed to my muscles being much, much tighter which obviously makes things worse.

 

Gearing up for a huge happy stressor in a few weeks or less - Grandbaby #1 is due July 20th.  Over the moon.

[freespirit]

Miss Trish,

 

Since developing histamine issues, I started using a hypoallergenic unscented soap. I periodically use essential oils in the shower or bath and haven't reacted to any of those to this point.

 

I had heard of kindling before, but had never read anything this detailed. It makes a lot of sense. I was reading on the low histamine chef about the role of imagery and hypnosis in helping to regulate the nervous system...to help reduce the level of inflammation and histamine that's produced. This wasn't new to me, but a bit different take on things.

 

I thought it was perhaps coincidence that I've developed much worse hives both times after the chiro treatment. I know that seems odd..but given the relationship between the nervous and immune systems, it's not really a stretch. I do find chiro treatments a bit traumatic. I have a history of PTSD and a brain injury well before wd.

 

I experienced very tight muscles throughout wd. I would wake up with muscles that felt on the verge of cramping..yet, I wouldn't have done anything unusual activity-wise in the days before. I was grateful for massage, that helped through most of things. Chiro is not my preferred form of treatment. Does the practitioner you see do the typical type of adjustments or the more gentle ones? 

 

My back is definitely doing better, so I'll go back and have another treatment. One thing I don't like about chiropractors is that it seems like they just want to keep you coming and coming. I'm alright about having support for periods of time, but don't want to rely on anyone all the time..though I do go monthly for massage. For some reason, that seems different to me.

 

It's nice you have something exciting to look forward to...with the new grandbaby.

[Flowers]

Hi Freespirit - thanks for stopping by my thread. Yes I am feeling a lot better thank you and becoming more interested in life in general. I am going to start tapering in the Autumn.

 

I am so pleased to hear that your back pain is easing at last.

 

I too am taking siestas due to the heat. Prickly heat is my enemy in the summer but aloe vera helps soothe this a lot.

 

I haven't seen much of my cats either- they seem to prefer to be outside in a cool place and I can't blame them for that. I love it when I open the door first thing in the morning and they all come barging in for their breakfast!

 

I am still trying to eat a lot of  the anti inflammatory foods  you very kindly informed me about. I am sure it has helped with the burning pain flare ups which are not so frequent now.

 

I hope the hives don't bother you so much - the heat really makes any skin conditions feel a  100 times worse!!

 

Love from Flowers xxx

[MissTrish]

I might consider a massage, although my muscles are so tight I am not sure the massage would last me more than a day.

 

Free, at what point/mg/ml did you, as they say, 'jump' from Remeron?  What was your experience like?

 

I had an early wakening today; although the Remeron does make me sleep most of the time, it also increases my anxiety.  Sounds weird, I know.  I keep feeling like I want to just be done with this and begin healing.  At this point I'm not sure if tapering is giving me much benefit.

 

 

 

[freespirit]

Nice of you to stop by Flowers. That's great news you're doing so much better and feel closer to tapering. I hope you enjoy the summer, in spite of the heat.

 

Aloe vera is a good suggestion. With being so sensitive to a lot of things, I tend to not consider trying something else. But a pure aloe should be pretty safe. Fortunately, the hives have eased off...but yes, heat makes many things worse!

 

One of my cats wanted to come under the covers this morning. It had cooled off, but not that much! I got up pretty quickly, as it was sure to bring on a hot flash. She's still under there...

 

I'm glad the anti-inflammatory diet is helping. I think the tart cherry supplement I'm using is being of help too. My joints are feeling better and I'm having a lot less inflammation in my body. It's nice when you can find anything that makes a difference.

[freespirit]

Hi Miss Trish,

 

Sometimes, the massage only lasts me for a few days too. But I figure that any relief is a good thing. It does help remind the body of what it feels like to relax. I often do some stretching before and/or after a massage. That seems to improve the chances of it lasting a bit longer.

 

I jumped off Remeron at 3.75 last August. I'd been at that place for about 4 months. The part that hit me the hardest was the histamine issue. I started sneezing 20 or 30 times a day, runny nose, hives, and the digestive problems. I also had some insomnia through that part. There was also some dizziness and nausea. In spite of feeling awful physically, I did well emotionally until Christmas...then was hit with grief.

 

It was around the end of November that I learned about histamine intolerance and changed my diet. It took a bit for things to settle, but gradually a lot of the physical symptoms subsided. My sleep started to get a lot better after that too. Digestive issues were the most persistent, but that slowly improved too and I was able to add a probiotic in Jan. of this year. That made a big difference to how I was feeling.

 

One of the things that helped me the most after I jumped off was the vitamin infusions I had from the naturopath...along with some homeopathy. The infusions would hold me for about 4-6 weeks in terms of reducing symptoms...it's been a couple of months now since I've had one. I have used them in the past too, as they helped with a lot of the fibromyalgia type of symptoms and went a long way to improving mood as well. I've generally seemed to need them more through the winter, as that's typically the more challenging time of year for me.

 

I started dropping weight about 2 weeks after jumping off. I was losing 3-4 pounds a week at the beginning. Yes, I was eating better and started exercising more regularly...but I'd tried those things while on the drug..and nothing happened.

 

I've had the drugged but anxious feeling at times, even after jumping off. I don't know if that's particular to remeron, or to ad in general.

 

You have a yoga practice and some good support in your life. I think those can go a long way to helping to mitigate things through wd. I can't imagine how I would have managed without the things I do. Even if the only break you have from things in while you're doing your practice, that's something. I also believe that having a practice makes a big difference to rebalancing the whole nervous system. I think through qi gong, I've changed a lot of the underlying issues that led me to ad in the first place.

 

Let me know if there's anything else you'd like me to describe about that time...truthfully, I don't think about it that much these days...

[MissTrish]

Thank you!  It's refreshing to see someone who jumped from that dosage and lived to tell about it, lol.  All I read are horror stories - one poor man jumped at .03(!) and didn't sleep for nearly a week.

 

It just goes to show how different all of us are.

 

I'm going to keep walking the walk and trusting my intuition on this one.  More will be revealed.

[freespirit]

We definitely are all very different. I wouldn't tell someone else to do what I did...but it was somehow the way I needed to go through it. Having the symptoms I did through wd made me a very dedicated qi gong practitioner. I was at times, doing 2 hours a day of practice. I've said this before, but I believe everything I did health-wise prior to starting wd helped me. For example, part of the work I did with the naturopath was rebuilding my adrenals...along with a lot of other balancing things. I had a number of things already in place and dealing with intense emotions was nothing new to me..nor was having a more sensitized nervous system. Things have been more heightened through wd of course. But the emotional part through losing my wife was much more difficult than the wd emotions have been. The physical side has been the more challenging aspect of wd for me for the most part.

[MissTrish]

I mean to ask; what do you do for the hives?  Itching today after the latest cut.

[freespirit]

I've tried a few different things...sometimes one will work, and sometimes, nothing works. Epsom salts or baking soda bath, arnica cream (some sites say it makes hives worse though), benadryl cream or cortisone cream (rarely use these). Sometimes bringing down my body temperature helps to relieve them--or at least the itching part-- like a cool shower or applying ice. Also, making sure I drink plenty of water, especially around mealtimes.

 

I'm really starting to look at diet and the whole histamine issue differently now. I realized my problem has to do more with inflammation in general..and yesterday, came across this blog from the low histamine chef: http://thelowhistaminechef.com/the-inflammation-bucket/

 

I used to do hypnotherapy and have become lazy about it--meaning I listen to ones that someone else made. I am formulating how I might use self-hypnosis to work with my nervous system and whatever is causing the inflammation....

[freespirit]

I've had a lot of sadness/loneliness coming up again. Is it real or is it neuro-emotion? Or is it from my childhood history? Or some combination of all of them. I realized when reading the thread on the effects of past trauma, that the emptiness I often feel was my default state through a good share of my childhood. I can point to my current life and say I feel sad and lonely because of the death of my wife, but there's a quality to how I'm feeling these days that goes beyond that.

 

A couple of days ago, I acknowledged to myself that the feelings might well be also coming from childhood. Once I did that, the feelings lifted for a bit and there was some relief. But since then, I feel nothing. It isn't numbness or anhedonia as I've experienced those in the past. I have moments of feeling pleasure being outside, or with my cats, or even taking a bath. It's more like some part of myself has vanished and in its place, there is nothing. That's the best I can do at explaining something which makes no sense, which I cannot understand. So, I've traded my back pain and hives for whatever this new twist on the mental/emotional level is.

 

On a physical level, I am definitely feeling better. I have another appt. with the chiropractor in a couple of days. My back pain is significantly less than it was and the hives seem to have finally abated. I've had much more energy since the last chiro treatment, even though it's been very hot here.

 

I managed to get the back section of my fence stained over a couple of days. I wish I had more pleasure at completing these jobs. I mean, it's a relief to look out the window and see progress. But every completion feels one step closer to leaving here, which these days, fills me with a lot of sadness. Maybe I am finally coming to terms with some part of this, but it's all very unclear at the moment.

 

I know that the focus of this site is on wd...but it's impossible for me tease out what is that and what is loss. They are very tightly woven together, probably along with my life history. While I am normally quite good at sorting out what is coming from where, it is all currently very murky. I feel like a stranger in a strange land.

[Flowers]

Hi Freespirit

 

I was just thinking about you tonight and when I got on the site there was an update from you.

 

I am so glad that your physical problems are improving and that you were able to do some more to the fence.

 

I would say that your emotions are down to a comibination of all the things you have gone through together with WD and you are now working your way through them. In WD I have found that my emotions are heightened but they are not neuro emotions and feel that my brain is struggling sometimes with any situation that makes me upset or unstable. Shakes me up a bit!  Maybe whilst on the drugs they  blot out our emotions and when we stop them they all come flooding back?

 

Anything unsettling like you having to think  about moving home is bound to cause upset.

 

I am sure you will figure it all out for yourself in good time and you will come out of the murk.

 

In the meantime take good care - you are in my thoughts.

 

xxxx

[MissTrish]

 

 

I would say that your emotions are down to a comibination of all the things you have gone through together with WD and you are now working your way through them. In WD I have found that my emotions are heightened but they are not neuro emotions and feel that my brain is struggling sometimes with any situation that makes me upset or unstable. Shakes me up a bit!  Maybe whilst on the drugs they  blot out our emotions and when we stop them they all come flooding back?

 

 

I think this makes a lot of sense.  They say that when alcoholics get sober, they are the same emotional age they were when they started drinking.  Clearly we are not alcoholics but I think there is a germ of wisdom in that - when we have drugs hijacking our system, perhaps our brains just really don't go through the necessary learning and we don't process our feelings in a way that helps us to deal with future feelings if any of this makes any sense!

 

Anyway, don't you just love all these new learning experiences, lol?  I have a friend who calls them AFGOs - Another Freakin' Growth Opportunity.

Thinking of you today.

[AliG]

Is there a "germ of wisdom" ?? There?? Maybe , / maybe not. You sound "excited" Miss Trish.  Not everyone is as "excited " as  you. Some people are going through "the depths". , of "despair".  Please "don't assume".  No , we don't love "these learning experiences".  Don't assume. "Growth opportunity". Are you kidding me. ?

[MissTrish]

AliG, I'm sorry you took offense; I'm also going through the depths.  Perhaps it wasn't clear that it was meant as sarcasm.

[AliG]

 Sorry.  Just "neuro - emotions. ".  Sorry.  Angry & bitter, tonight.  I didn't mean to take it out on you, Miss Trish.  I sincerely apologize.  Please forgive , me.

[MissTrish]

I understand those emotions, AliG.  So sorry you're in so much pain.  Sending you energies of serenity and healing.

[freespirit]

Hi Freespirit

 

I was just thinking about you tonight and when I got on the site there was an update from you.

 

I am so glad that your physical problems are improving and that you were able to do some more to the fence.

 

I would say that your emotions are down to a comibination of all the things you have gone through together with WD and you are now working your way through them. In WD I have found that my emotions are heightened but they are not neuro emotions and feel that my brain is struggling sometimes with any situation that makes me upset or unstable. Shakes me up a bit!  Maybe whilst on the drugs they  blot out our emotions and when we stop them they all come flooding back?

 

Anything unsettling like you having to think  about moving home is bound to cause upset.

 

I am sure you will figure it all out for yourself in good time and you will come out of the murk.

 

In the meantime take good care - you are in my thoughts.

 

xxxx

Thanks for stopping by Flowers..and for your good wishes. 

 

I've been thinking of moving ever since my wife died. In fact, I never expected to be here this long...so it isn't new for me to be considering it. It's more that I'm having the sense of letting go and moving towards being able to leave here. It's an intuitive, internal feeling, not so much a thought in my head.

 

I know that some feelings were blunted while on ad. I think that's part of why I'm having a harder time through this 3rd round of anniversary dates. But in that first year, all I did was grieve...I mean, that's all I did. While other widows I knew were avoiding and distracting, I literally dove in. I sometimes turned my phone off for weeks at a time...I probably could have benefited from some distraction...but I was committed to feeling the emotions..and of course, more came up when I started tapering a year after her death.

 

I can't really articulate this very well, but my sense of this is some spiritual process of letting go of who I always believed myself to be. I think I came into this world sad and lonely..and a whole lot of experiences in my life had solidified that..until I came to believe that's who I was. When I was feeling these emotions the other day and more opened to them, something inside let go. And I am coming to realize that those feelings are not who I am, but rather, a part of my life experience. I don't know if that makes any sense...but what is left is some emptiness, where that piece of what I thought of is "me"..is no longer central to my identity.

 

It's profoundly unsettling to release, and to come to see one is not what they always thought they were. The emptiness is unsettling too, though I am generally very comfortable with silence. This is a different emptiness, not like the lonely feelings...but more, that there is space inside of me now...maybe that all just sounds crazy and odd...but these are the only words I have right now.

[indigo]

Thank you deeply for this. It makes perfect sense. I felt comforted to read how you offered yourself up to grief to be transformed by it. I understand.

And sometimes  it seems there is no alternative, if one is to be true to oneself.

Anyway, thank you. I'm having a hard day, on the edge of tears, everything feels too harsh.

[freespirit]

 

 

 

I would say that your emotions are down to a comibination of all the things you have gone through together with WD and you are now working your way through them. In WD I have found that my emotions are heightened but they are not neuro emotions and feel that my brain is struggling sometimes with any situation that makes me upset or unstable. Shakes me up a bit!  Maybe whilst on the drugs they  blot out our emotions and when we stop them they all come flooding back?

 

 

I think this makes a lot of sense.  They say that when alcoholics get sober, they are the same emotional age they were when they started drinking.  Clearly we are not alcoholics but I think there is a germ of wisdom in that - when we have drugs hijacking our system, perhaps our brains just really don't go through the necessary learning and we don't process our feelings in a way that helps us to deal with future feelings if any of this makes any sense!

 

Anyway, don't you just love all these new learning experiences, lol?  I have a friend who calls them AFGOs - Another Freakin' Growth Opportunity.

Thinking of you today.

 

LOL...someone I knew called them that too..but she inserted a different "f word" rather than freakin'.

 

And yes, my initial response is usually one of resistance. It takes me a bit to get to acceptance of them (acceptance doesn't mean you necessarily like them though!) I put up a pretty good fight first, before acceptance even enters into my consciousness.

 

But underneath that dislike of growth experiences, there is a part of me that welcomes them. I know that makes me rather odd..but there you have it.

 

When my wife died, I made the intention that I wanted to be deeply changed by what we'd gone through during her illness death. I didn't want to just survive or get through, I wanted to be transformed. Sometimes, you have to be careful what you ask for! I didn't know what that would ultimately mean...I just knew that I didn't want all of what we'd experienced to be wasted in any way. I've derived a lot of meaning through that intention...which in many ways, kept me alive during that first year.

 

It's been harder for me to approach wd in the same way, but I try to bring the same kind of intention. I want to be changed by it and I never expect to go back to who I was prior to using remeron. That person I was is long gone, at least in most respects. I have no idea who I will be at the end of all of this, or even if there is an end. By that I mean, I anticipate I'll keep learning from wd in the same ways I continue to learn from the grieving process. Grief doesn't have an "end"..it changes forms in certain respects, but it doesn't go away. I continue to learn from my relationship every day too, even though my wife is no longer alive.

 

I do hope of course, that there's a lessening of wd being such a central part of my life. I'd like to think that somewhere on this road, it will recede into the background more and not require as much of my time and energy. I hope there comes a time where I can re-engage with the world a little more, be less self-absorbed, and have more energy for things I love doing, feel more joy and gratitude.

[freespirit]

((((((((((((Hugs Ali)))))))))) sorry you're having such a hard time. Thinking of you...

[LoveandLight]

I like that about intention. Maybe makes all the difference in how we cope.

[freespirit]

Thank you deeply for this. It makes perfect sense. I felt comforted to read how you offered yourself up to grief to be transformed by it. I understand.

And sometimes  it seems there is no alternative, if one is to be true to oneself.

Anyway, thank you. I'm having a hard day, on the edge of tears, everything feels too harsh.

 

I'm sorry you're having a rough go of it today Indigo. I just read on your thread and will go over and respond to your post there. I am familiar with my own version of what you are describing...I'm glad the post spoke to you in some way.

[freespirit]

I like that about intention. Maybe makes all the difference in how we cope.

 

Hi L&L. The meditation teacher I worked with for a long time talked a lot about intention. Every single time she sits to meditate, she first makes an intention..and on each retreat I did with her, we made an intention for the retreat. Things never unfolded in the ways I thought they would...lol..try making an intention to open your heart more. Guess what happens--everything that gets in the way of being more open-hearted comes up.

 

I find having some intention is a place to come back to, when I become lost, confused, disheartened. I can remember then, that the reason I'm there is for something different than what my mind so often believes. Having intention releases some of the future-oriented outcome into being present with what's happening right here, right now..and knowing that it's how I'm being with the process that really matters...not what the end result is. It can be very freeing, if held in an open-handed way.

[LoveandLight]

Very nice free spirit .

[freespirit]

thanks love.

[freespirit]

Life is real roller coaster these days. Seems like every time I start feeling better, something else happens and I'm riding the waves again.

 

Had a very good visit with chiropractor on Friday and felt a lot better afterwards. I wasn't in as much pain as the previous 2 treatments. Overall, I had a sense of feeling more comfortable and trusting her more. A lot of emotion has been coming up since the treatment. I'm sure this is a good thing, though it doesn't feel that great. It does make me feel better in my body and I've had more energy again this time....

 

That evening, I looked up some medical test results online. Not a good idea on a Friday night. I had a positive result on the screening for colon cancer. Rationally, I know there's a very good chance it's a false positive. It could have been the amount of inflammation I had in my gut a few weeks ago, when I had the test. It could just be polyps. It could be nothing. But given what I went through with my wife and her cancer, it has been nearly impossible for me to set aside.

 

When I looked at the results, it said I'd be referred by my doctor for a colonoscopy. I called his office today and while they have the results, he hasn't even looked at them yet (they were posted over 2 weeks ago). I am scared about having to go back to see him and even more scared about him handling my care, if there is something more serious going on. The soonest I could get in is next Thursday..and he won't make the referral without a visit. Plus, it's a 2 month wait to get in for the test anyway. A long time for my mind to be dwelling on it.

 

I called the previous doc I'd seen, but I can't get back in to see her. There is no one else accepting new patients. So, I am stuck with this stupid *******, who will no doubt grab his bloody prescription pad and try to give me AD or ativan. I'm concerned I'll blow up. I can't stand the thought of having to see him again..and having to go back there to get further results. He did a lousy job of handling my wife's care..and that was before. He's gotten much worse over the past few years. I wish there was a better option, or even a different option. Our medical system here sucks.

[direstraits]

hi,freespirit-

 

oh,dear,I hope everything is alright w/ you;sorry to read this and that you have to wait so long for any confirmation.

 

you're in my thoughts and prayers. xo

[Frustrated]

Oh wow I feel the exact same about my doctor. He always pushes meds without looking into things. He did it with my step father who actually had stage four cancer by the time the hospital caught it. I really do blame my doctor for his death. If he had of looked into my dad's issues he would not have been stage four because they would have caught it a year earlier. I dread seeing him. He tries pushing meds on me every time and never tests me for anything. Sorry you are dealing with this. I am sure all will be fine but the wait is horrid and shouldn't occur at all. Noone should have to wait months for tests and answers.

[MissTrish]

Free, I can completely hear your fear/frustration/anxiety on this issue.  I had a similar situation over ten years ago.  I had been dx'd w/Hep C (my hubby has it; turns out in my case it's inactive).  But we had to have our sons tested, because if I had it when I gave birth to them then I could have passed it to them.  Both boys were pre-teens at the time.  As a mother I was just beside myself waiting for the test results.  A dear friend said to me, "is there anything you can do about any of this right this minute?"  And when she said that I understood, that no, I couldn't.  What was done was done - the results were not up to me.  Getting them sooner or later was not going to change what was to be.  And it just took the anxiety right out of me.  

 

Maybe it will help you to just walk through each day, one day at a time and know that all of this is in the hands of the Universe.  Stick around here; talk about the fear and anxiety if it gets out of hand.  You aren't alone!  And know that there are powers in this Universe that are much stronger and more loving than your idiot doctor!