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OnaRage - Here's my story. You've probably heard it all before...

OnaRage

By OnaRage
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dalsaan Newbie

dalsaan

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That's a lot of supplements!   Some of which I haven't heard of.   Supplements like pharmaceuticals can go paradoxical and have adverse effects.   This is particularly the case when we are in withdrawal - our symptoms become sensitive to everything.   

 

In taking so many supplements you could also be having interactions between them or them and your cymbalta.   For example, mixing 5HTP with any other serotonergic drug (any antidepressant) is an issue - see this thread http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/656-5-htp-5-hydroxytryptophan-and-tryptophan/?p=6069&hl=5htp&fromsearch=1#entry6069

 

How long have you been taking 5HTP?

 

I'm going to ask some of the other mods advice on what might be the supplements to be particularly wary of in terms of how you are feeling or your insomnia.

 

D

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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Songbird Rookie

Songbird

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This past week was the first decent night of sleep I've had in quite some time.

Do you mean one decent night or most of this past week?  Are you now sleeping better than you were?  If so, it might be better not to change anything just yet.  With all those supplements, it will be very difficult to tell what is causing what.  What are your current symptoms?  Are any still improving?

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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JanCarol Contributor

JanCarol

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Hello Ona!  Wow!  4 years of having the docs bounce your brain like a basketball!  I'm sorry to hear you have been through this.  Many of us have.

 

I'm not a doctor or naturopath, but have studied supplement for 30 years.  I have some questions and concerns.

 

First, the hormones:  are they from your doctor or your naturopath?  Do you get blood tests to determine the correct levels?  Hormones are tricky, and it is a science and an art "getting it right."  It would be easy for them to stimulate your system and make the windows narrower and darker.   Additionally, these psych drugs mess up all sorts of hormonal regulation.  Maybe you would've had "early menopause" without them, maybe not - but may I ask how old you are?  I'm 52, been on the other side of the menopause door for at least 10 years now.  It's not so bad as all that.  I have resisted hormonal treatment because I thought I had a "mood disorder" and I was afraid to tamper with my stability.

 

Now I have an orthomolecular doctor, and she is treating me for adrenal fatigue (like your naturopath) and one of these days she will look at my hormones, too.  Then I will learn more.  For now, I am just asking questions, and want to know if you understand why you are on the specific hormones (estradiol, testosterone, progesterone, adrenal, and thyroid) that you are.

 

That you had a good long length of a window from taking just 10 beads of Cymbalta is encouraging.  I agree with others here, though, to wait for your basketball brain to bounce a few more times until you are stable enough to drop a bead.

 

This also tells you how powerful these drugs are, and how rampantly our doctors overprescribe them, using charts and graphs and "therapeutic doses" blah blah.  Don't believe it for a minute, they got those charts and graphs from Corporate Pharma, who taught them how to use them in medical school.  We are on our own.

 

My experience with a PNP was negative.  She just wanted to "go by the book," and I refused, and put my foot down until I could see a real psychiatrist.   I was poor, I could not afford medical care.  I accepted the meds given, at the time, but insisted on them being minimal, below "therapeutic dose."  

 

I was in an in between place like you - I could work 10-15 hours a week - at a "high level of functioning" so my applications for disability were denied.  In my state (Indiana) all applications are denied first time through - you have to get a "disability lawyer" who will refer you to the doctors who can get your application through.  HOWEVER, getting disability while "denying treatment" (refusing medication) is darned difficult in a world where "protracted withdrawal symptom" is a "fiction on the internet."  WE all know about it, but the doctors and SDI don't have a clue.

 

If you have not noticed here, Alto said not to take the Methyl-B at night.  Alto is the expert on withdrawal, reinstatement, etc.  B vitamins are often stimulating, and many people cannot take them - day or night.  Taking them at night is like asking to stay awake at night.

 

I have other questions about your Inositol.  Here's what my doctor said about GABA and Inositol:  Always at night (why are you taking Inositol in the morning?) and either one, OR the other, but not both.  She said that most people will respond to one or the other.  And that to take both of them can cause a conflict (some chemical cascade that I do not understand because I am not a doctor, pharmacist, chemist, or even a scientist!)

 

I know you love your naturopath.  I'm taking a moment to let you know that many of us have been damaged by naturopaths.  Some of us have been helped - but it's a crapshoot.  Your naturopath may not know anything about psych drug withdrawal, and the sensitive protocols to be followed.  Apparently she doesn't, because your supplement load is high and complex.

 

I wouldn't go to a naturopath here.  Maybe in Europe, but not here.  I get too many "bullhockey detector" lights going off.  But that's me.  I go to an herbalist now, but I am often telling her stuff and contradicting her.

 

It is up to you to understand what you are taking and why you are taking it.  If you have to have a special appointment with your naturopath to write it down and spell it out so you can research it and understand it - then you are taking charge of your own health.

 

Regarding pill organizers:  I have an awful load of supplements (yuck) and I just spent 1.5 days filling my 4 weeks of AM trays.  I have 4 trays, early am, AM, Afternoon, and PM.  The AM and PM are huge.  I use 3XL Jumbo trays like these:

 

http://www.forgettingthepill.com/products/jumbo-7-day-pill-organizer-item-316

 

Then, you can fill them once a week, or twice a month, or once a month.  Then you know they are right, and they will reduce your stress.  This is an essential tool if you are on any kind of regular protocol.  Especially where missing a dose could induce rage, insomnia, irritability, etc. etc.  

 

Already you are learning how SA can help.  You've learned that 10 beads is a powerful tool.  You are learning to take charge of your own health and medication.  You are on the path to healing.

 

I have to go now, I will post this so you can see it - and review it to see if I made any errors and correct them later.  Take care!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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JanCarol Contributor

JanCarol

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A "disability lawyer" works for a cut of your disability check.  Don't look for the highest standards in those people, they are lower than ambulance chasers.  Preying on the poor to cut through government red tape to get a pittance.  Sometimes, rarely, you will get a compassionate soul who likes to help the disabled - but they still make their bread and butter from their cut of the disability settlement.

 

I, too, currently live off of my husband.  I don't think I could do the withdrawal thing if I was trying to pay for the roof over my head, a car, food, etc.  I likely would've stayed on the meds.  The flip side of that is, I could manipulate my psychiatrist in Indiana to doing only small amounts of drugs, pleading that I needed to make a living.  When I arrived in Australia, I was a mess and just believed what I was told, and bought into the "mood stabilizer + antidepressant + sleep aid" thing.  Then my health started going downhill.  Coinciding with statins and PPI for stomach acid.  The PPI was the first drug to go - inspired by that, I went off the statin, and realized how much it was hurting my brain.  

 

Then I read "Anatomy of an Epidemic" by Robert Whitaker.  I highly recommend that book.  I'll bet it's in your local library.  It tells us how the use of psych drugs has not led to positive outcomes.  When he went to write the book, he was looking forward to exploring how modern medicine has made life more humane and liveable now that we can treat these "illnesses" with drugs.  What he found was horrific.  Huge increases in disability, horrible complaints of agitation, akithesia, and awful outcomes.  The culprits were mainly antidepressants (what you went through) and "anti-psychotics" (what we call neuroleptics, because they are brain damaging agents).  That book set me on the course I am on now.

 

I don't know if "adrenal fatigue" is real, or not.  I cannot say that my doctor's treatment for that has been spectacular.  I have multiple health problems, mostly iatrogenic (caused by medicines or medical procedures), and it's a complicated puzzle to unravel.  There are people here on SA in both camps.  Some believe in it and believe that the supplements help.  Some (maybe most) believe that it is another grab for the money of desperate people.  Or, "flavor of the day*" as some would say.  In my court, the jury is still out - I am hungry for anything to help this deep fatigue.  Looking at my case, calling it "adrenal fatigue" makes sense (I have no ovaries or thyroid, surgically removed), but it hasn't been proven in the pudding yet (I've been treated for it for over 8 months)

 

*Many say that the MTHFR gene thing is a "flavor of the day," also - if it is such a horrible mutation, then why to up to 40% of the population have this "abnormal" methylation?  The other "flavor of the day" is "pyroluria."  If you don't know - don't worry about it.

Do you need a PNP?  Perhaps just to provide you enough Cymbalta to taper off?

 

Was your PNP the one who talked about how you were put on "optimal" or "highest" doses previously?  Who told you:  

 

And, with each and every one of these SSRI's, I was:

 

  1. Prescribed either the target or the very highest dose of the medication allowed.  
  2. I was not tapered off the medication slowly or safely.
  3. The next medication was another one that I metabolized poorly.

 

 

Or did you learn this for yourself?  If the latter, I applaud your understanding of what has been done to you.

 

You may metabolize these medicines especially poorly - but here is a thing.  

 

If you give these "medicines" (DRUGS) to a "normal" person who is not complaining of anything, who has appropriate liver metabolites etc etc., THEY CAN STILL cause problems.  

 

I wouldn't go looking for a new one, it's like looking for a new trouble.

 

Instead, I would encourage you to learn about yourself.  About how to keep yourself steady, about how to manage your anger so that you don't hurt people around you.   First:  Neruo emotions.

 

Many times in withdrawal (and you are certainly there) you will have feelings.  Whether they are rage, or fear, or paranoia, or sadness - in withdrawal you feel these emotions at extreme intensity.  They are caused by the adjusting of your brain to not having the chemicals in.  To the adjusting of the plant to having the trellis pulled out, like Rhiannon says.  Or, of the bouncing of the basketball brain before it can settle down.  

 

I use the basketball because each time you make a change supplements, drugs, or sometimes even diet or lifestyle, it sets the brain-ball bouncing again and you have to wait for it to stabilize.  

 

So here's neuro-emotions:     Neuro-emotion

 

and  Irritability and Anger as Neuroemotions

 

And insomnia - regardless of your supplements (though they may be able to be optimized for sleep) - is normal in withdrawal.  As you look around the site, you will see many insomniacs moaning about no sleep tonight, last night, and hopes for sleep tomorrow night.

 

Read what others have to say about not sleeping here:

Sleep Problems - That Awful Withdrawal Insomnia

 

and see if you can find something helpful, here:

Tips to help sleep - withdrawal insomnia

 

Lastly, lets talk about 2 of your supplements.  These are the 2 supplements that most people here find most helpful.  Magnesium and fish oil.  I see that you are on both.  However, I have some questions.  One fish oil a day is not very much, can you add another at night?  That still a very small dose - there are some people who do not see results until 4-10 grams of fish oil per day.  WARNING:  some people do react to fish oil, and have to discontinue it.  It is rare, but it happens.  We don't know why.  Also, the brand of fish oil may be important to you (I never looked at the brand until I came to SA)

 

And magnesium.  What form of magnesium are you taking?  Is it magnesium oxide?  I took that for 10 years before I realized I could've chewed on rocks and gotten more benefit.  Learn more about magnesium and fish oil here:

King of Supplements: Omega 3 Fatty Acids (Fish Oil)

Magnesium, Nature's Calcium Channel Blocker

 

If you are on blood pressure medicine, you need to be careful about magnesium.  It is also contraindicated in kidney disease.  But - the potential benefits of good magnesium can relax your muscles, soothe your anxiety, and even improve your sleep.  I'm a big fan of the Epsom Salts or Magnesium Chloride bath.  Ahhhhhhh.  A mood shifter right away (well, 20 minutes of it, anyway!)

 

This should give you a lot to research and learn about.  We have been conditioned - almost from birth - to be "good girls" and "do what the doctor says."  I hope to encourage you to learn you body, learn about how it is for others, and find your own way to health.

 

Everyone I know who has stepped onto this path is better off than when they started - even if they went through heck to get there!  Nearly all of them wouldn't go back to the forest of "good girls and boys" ever again!  

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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JanCarol Contributor

JanCarol

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Oh hargh.  One last thing.

 

5HtP

 

Who put you on this?

 

It is a good supplement, I am on it myself.  But I am supposed to discontinue it (which I will, when I am ready).

 

It is not the best thing for people in withdrawal.  It's like taking another SSRI, and you don't even know if your methylation can handle it.  (Sam-E is another one, stay away from that one!)

 

I'm not telling you not to take it.  I will give you a link to a discussion about it:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/656-5-htp-5-hydroxytryptophan-and-tryptophan/

 

and I would like for you to talk about if it helps you or not.  When did you start taking it?  Were you still on SSRI's then?  Was this from your naturopath?

Have you noticed anything from it?  Is this one that you take morning and night, as well?

 

And I will ask a few more while I am here, about your early menopause.  Who diagnosed this?  What were your symptoms?  Are you on the hormones primarily for mood?  Or were there other hormonal symptoms that you are trying to alleviate?

 

Thanks for your patience, I'll leave your thread alone for awhile!   :blush:

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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How long have you been taking 5HTP?

 

I think I've only been on the 5HTP for a month.  All of these supplements have been "prescribed" by my Naturopath.  At the time this was prescribed, I was going off the Cymbalta completely and moving to Lamictal.  She just didn't think to tell me to get off the 5HTP when things didn't go as planned.

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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This past week was the first decent night of sleep I've had in quite some time.

Do you mean one decent night or most of this past week?  Are you now sleeping better than you were?  If so, it might be better not to change anything just yet.  With all those supplements, it will be very difficult to tell what is causing what.  What are your current symptoms?  Are any still improving?

 

It's the first week that I've had multiple nights of decent sleep and I have definitely been sleeping better than I have been.  Last night didn't go so well but there are many reasons this could be the case.  

 

1) I'm sensitive to wheat and have been avoiding it like the plague.  My mother in law served a great rice dish that tasted AWESOME.  After dinner, I read the label for the rice mix.  It had wheat in it.  I started getting a weird headache almost immediately following dinner.

2) I got agitated over a long standing issue with my husband right before bed so I didn't sleep in the same room and got stuck sleeping with my dogs.  They hog the bed and my puppy got up three times to go outside.  

3) I stopped taking the Benedryl and 5-HTP yesterday and am still down one bead to 9 total on the Cymbalta.

 

So, who knows!  Sleep has been an ongoing issue for me since well before the anti-depressants even.  But, sometimes with the changes in medications, I can sleep for absolute days.

 

As far as my current symptoms, I'd been enjoying a pretty good window last week but started to get slower on Saturday and by yesterday evening, I was in full blown depression and anxiety.  But seeing my in-laws will do that!  I've come to hate all holidays.

 

All of this has been very cyclical.  Some days I feel so good I apply for jobs.  Other days, I'm depressed, anxious and feel utterly hopeless.  

 

I've had physical symptoms that have been all over the place ranging from akasthia and headaches to just severe depression.  Just when I think I'm getting better, I get hit by another wave.  

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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Hey JanCarol,

 

You certainly gave me a lot to go through, think about and research.  I appreciate all of your input and feedback.  You asked a number of questions that I want to answer.  I'm going to try to take them in the order you made them.  

 

I think the first question you asked was about the hormones.  I stopped having regular periods in my very early 30's and began to question this with doctors I would see at that time.  I never found a single one I trusted back then. I'd had other problems that were never resolved so I continued to try to find a doctor that made sense.  Of the doctors that I saw, I don't recall a single one saying that I should be the least bit concerned about my sporadic/non-existent periods.  They all told me to thank my lucky stars.  I knew that wasn't right!  Hence, my continued "shopping".  I met my husband when I was thirty-five and, at that time, I was thinking that children might be a good idea so I went to see an Endocrinologist.  After doing testing, I was told I had premature ovarian failure.  My husband said he didn't want more kids as his were grown so I let it go again.  I started worrying about it again a couple years later when I became completely disinterested in sex and sex had become very painful.  My husband had left his previous marriage due to a lack of sex.  I didn't want to end up in the same position so I sought HRT.  I was denied by doctors at first because I was a smoker.  I quit smoking and was finally put on hormones.  

 

Please note that I don't absolutely recall when I was put on my first anti-depressant.  It was likely before my ovaries decided to take a dive.  I remember having been on both Celexa and Wellbutrin but stopped taking them after crapping my pants at work.  I attributed that to the medications (and I'm fairly certain I was right).  I don't know the dosage or how long I took the meds.  I don't totally remember why I took them either.  Looking back, I do know that no amount of depression today could convince me that one of these drugs was worth it or even necessary!  But I digress...

 

The hormones I was prescribed were originally from my PCP who was a general practitioner.  I reviewed and discussed these with my Naturopath and have continued to take them as they've proven helpful in the bedroom (when not overriden by adverse effects of the antidepressants).

 

The thyroid medication was actually prescribed by my Naturopath after bloodwork showed my thyroid functioning at a lower level.  I was not below the scale but I was lower than she would have liked.  I think this came up because I was suffering from severe lethargy which, looking back, seems to be a factor of having been overdosed with Cymbalta (as well as previously being overdosed on other SSRI's).  I was also very lethargic during my withdrawals after my CT from all meds in May of 2013.  I've since questioned the need for the Thyroid medication. We were going to test my thyroid levels at about six weeks after quitting the Cymbalta but, as I'm not completely off of it, I'm not sure the bloodwork will be needed if I think the low functioning was driven by anti-depressant use.  I would love to get an opinion from someone with experience here as to whether I should continue this therapy and what I can expect in terms of withdrawals and body functioning if I choose to get off.

 

As for my age, I'll be 46 in July...  

 

As for the Inositol and GABA - I was originally on GABA but we switched it to the Inositol because the genetic testing indicated that I might respond well to it and it might help with weight loss.  I'm 5'2" and 190 lbs.  I've always had a weight issue but this is flat out RIDICULOUS! 

 

You asked if I needed a PNP.  I don't.  I met this woman at a social function and got to talking to her about my condition.  We thought we might be able to work well together.  It's not really turning out to be the case.  I'm also having some issues right now with my Naturopath because she also doesn't believe in AD withdrawal.  She's not going to be much good at treating something she doesn't believe in.

 

I'm on the fence as to who to have on my team to help me through this ordeal.  I feel like, I should have a relationship with at least some kind of doctor who has been through some history with me.  It is too hard to try to break in a new one.  If I do have a medical problem, I don't want to start from scratch.  I also worry about finances.  I worry that my husband will reach a point where he's had enough.  I have nothing to fall back on.  I want that disability in place for that and many other reasons but, I'm also not good at lying.  If I'm not going to get disability because I'm not "treating my condition" in the eyes of Social Security, then my one choice to win my case is to lie.  I don't lie very well.  I never have and never will.  I like this about myself.  I don't want to change it to beat a system that is beating me.  It's a tough position to be in. 

 

I'm hitting an "overwhelmed" point so I'll revisit and finish this up a little later when I'm feeling better.

 

Thanks to all of you for being here to help!

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

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Ona, those are a lot of supplements and drugs. Any can be conflicting, you don't know which is helping or hurting. A cocktail such as you're taking is seldom necessary, sometimes harmful, and usually a waste of money.

 

If you haven't already, please put ALL the drugs and supplements you take in the Drug Interactions Checker http://www.drugs.com/drug_interactions.html and post the results in this topic.

 

If no one drug or supplement stands out as a problem, you may wish to systematically test them. Keeping EVERYTHING constant (dosage, time you take them, etc.), you might reduce one supplement at a time.

 

For example, reduce your 5-HTP dose by 25% for a few days. If nothing happens, reduce by another 25%. You may find this is doing nothing for you, or it could be helping you sleep. If so, then keep the 5-HTP constant at a level that is helpful and reduce something else, such as the inositol.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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JanCarol Contributor

JanCarol

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AH.  hah.  The bedroom.  I gave up on that a decade ago!   :blush:

 

The Armour thyroid at that dose is pretty weak, it would only supplement your adrenal and give you a tiny kick.  I wouldn't hurry to get off that one.

 

Sexual dysfunction (I don't know about the ovary thing) is common with these drugs.  Wellbutrin supposedly is free of sexual side effects - but I've heard of "like bunnies" behaviour on it that bordered on dysfunctional, too.

 

So it seems like your depression could have had a huge medical component, around your ovarian failure (gosh that sounds so awful to say, I can't imagine going through that).

 

Alto's right - if you make changes, do them like tapers, nice and gentle.  We don't want you bouncing, and you don't want to bounce.

 

You are using the terms "waves and windows" - which tells me you might know about this - but I assure you it is a normal pattern of recovery - gradually the windows become brighter, clearer, and hold longer.  Sometimes the waves get more intense, sometimes you can see past them to the next window.

http://://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/82-the-windows-and-waves-pattern-of-recovery/

 

There's not a one of us who walked in here with a practitioner on our side.  Well, maybe one, but I don't know who it is.

 

Each of us has had to either search, trial and error, for a new practitioner - or - train the practitioners we have - or both.  If you are comfortable with your naturopath, consider educating her.  

 

Here's where I started (after reading Anatomy of an Epidemic):  

Icarus Harm Reduction Guide to Coming off Psych Drugs

 

It is free, and short enough you could actually print out a copy of it (70 pp) if you wanted.  My psychiatrist threw a fit, because it wasn't written by doctors, and she has no respect for peer support like this.  But your Naturopath will have no such preconceptions, and will probably grasp it quickly.

 

The only reason she doesn't believe in it is because she's 1.  Never heard of it, 2. Never been exposed to it, and 3. Never seen it in person.

 

Well you can do that!  It's a little crazy (but hey, we're used to that by now!), to try and fight the Goliath of Pharmaceutical Training, but everyone we teach is perhaps one less harmed.  And if she comes to understand it - with her knowledge of methylation, blah blah, she may be good at helping people in recovery - she just doesn't know it yet!   ;) 

 

Does she work with any MD's for testing or is she on her own?  (Naturopaths in Indiana must be MD supervised.)    I ask because I don't know how many beads in a capsule of Cymbalta, or how many capsules you have, and therefore how long your supply will last.  It's better to plan for that in advance, rather than wait until you run out and then suffer from it.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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JanCarol Contributor

JanCarol

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Ooh!  I don't know where you are exactly, but there is an Icarus affiliated peer group in Portland, OR:

 

http://theicarusproject.net/content/icarus-project-local-chapters-and-affinity-groups

 

also - check our list of recommended practitioners here (and yes,  some of them still need more training)

 

Recommended doctors, practitioners and clinics

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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OMG!  I was just going to ask about doctors in Portland!  JanCarol, you ROCK!  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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I sent the following to Dr Malika Burman in Portland, OR:

 

"I am struggling to get myself back to normal after a lengthy battle with depression but, more importantly, severe antidepressant withdrawal symptoms. I've worked with a number of different doctors and nurse practitioners but have not found a fit that works. You were recommended by the folks on the Surviving Antidepressant website.

If you have time for new patients and feel you can work with someone who is extremely depressed and anxious but more from the antidepressants themselves so wants NO medication, I need help.

Thanks in advance for your consideration."
 

Her response was as follows:

 

"I'm sorry but I don't know of that website, also I've never seen anyone who was depressed as a result of antidepressants that wasn't very depressed before they were started.  I'm probably not the best fit, someone else may have more experience with what you are describing.    MB"

 

So that didn't go so well.  There's one other doc that I'll try.  I'll let you know how it goes but I would consider removing that doc from the list unless you think the way I explained my situation was not clear enough.

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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After receiving her response, I sent her the following:

 

"Thanks for the response.  One more quick question for you.  Are you familiar with Antidepressant withdrawal syndrome?"

 

Her unfortunate response was:

 

"Yes it does not last very long.  MB"

 

I thought about trying to "educate" her.  I'm just not in a good position to do so.  The agitation would be way too great.

 

Sob.

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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LoveandLight Newbie

LoveandLight

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Well that's a dispointment, to say the least. The Icarus project sounds good xx

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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LoveandLight Newbie

LoveandLight

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On a that's great to hear that some days you feel so good your applying for jobs. Think of those good days.

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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So I tried calling the 2nd doctor listed in Portland, OR - Dr Paul Conti.  I spoke with the receptionist and asked if the doctor was experienced with prolonged antidepressant withdrawal syndrome.  She said, "Yes".  However, they don't taking insurance and the initial visit is $380 for 90 minutes.  60 minutes is talking to a therapist who takes you information/history.  Then you have 30 minutes with the doctor himself.

 

#1 - Even though I can submit my claim to insurance, the cost seems way too high.

#2 - 30 minutes with the doctor himself?  That's it?  For $380?  

 

I get the sneaking suspicion that I will be labeled with yet another disorder in that 30 minutes and probably given the suggestion to be put on another drug.   And, at $380 a pop, we will likely be out of money long before a solution is reached.

 

 Am I just being hypersensitive?  

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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I'm feeling particularly hopeless today.  Why isn't there help out there for people like us?   

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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Is there any way to fix my original post as far as format goes.  I had copied an Excel spreadsheet that I'd put together with what I'd taken, etc.  It had 5 or so columns.  When I pasted it, it had looked OK.  But when I posted, it became garbled.  It's my second paragraph.  I just think it makes what I said completely impossible to follow.

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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I've been doing a ton of reading the last two days.  It's about all I can stand to do,

 

When I finally read the Cymbalta tapering tips, I realized I'm not doing it right.  I've been swallowing my 10 beads without a capsule.  The tips say that stomach acid destroys the medication before it gets to where it needs to be.  I think if that were really the case, I wouldn't have the mild improvement that I've had in taking the beads after dropping from 10 mg.  I also could distinctly feel the drop from 10 to 9.  But I don't know.  Now I'm not really sure what to do.  I have an email into the local compounding pharmacy asking about getting a custom dosage capsule made up.  I just thought I'd ask for your advice as well while I wait.    Do I need the capsule?

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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Songbird Rookie

Songbird

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From googling around it seems the Cymbalta does come in a gastro-resistant capsule.  If your 10 beads are helping then some of the dose must be getting through, although perhaps less than if it were encased in the original capsule.  You can buy empty capsules although they may not be fully gastro-resistant.  The compounding pharmacy should be able to give you more information.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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So, again, I read a bit too much today but I think I may have figured something out.  

 

In 2011, I started taking 20 mg of Citalopram for depression and anxiety.  I'd had a major life disruption in my main support group and was having a struggle dealing with that.  I was also struggling with both career and marriage.  The career had long been stressful and I was trying to find a place in my career path that would make it possible for me to continue to make a living without constantly dreading going to work. My husband had not been very supportive when I lost my main support group.  In retrospect, I probably should have left my marriage and worked on a serious career change but instead I stuck it out and decided that antidepressants would get me through.  Uh.....  no.

 

So I started taking the 20 mg on 4/25/11.  I started experiencing bleeding that was attributed to my hormone replacement therapy on 4/29.  We changed my HRT's up and by 5/17/11, I was seen by the doc again and was feeling better.  It was noted that I'd stopped having hot flashes and mood swings (these were not noted at all before taking the Citalopram).  I was seen again on 6/4/11 because I had lower back pain, fever, chills, headache, urinary frequency and urgency, lethargy for the previous two weeks.  By that date, I'd been in bed for three days straight.  I was tested for a UTI but came back negative but was given Cephalexin (500 mg 3x/day 7 days) anyway.  On 6/10/11 I was seen in Urgent Care for extreme fever, hills, aches (especially in lower right side and neck).  I was sent for a CT which showed an enlarged spleen and a few other things.  They concluded it must be viral and sent me home. At this point, they changed the antibiotic from Cephalexin to Cipro (2x / day for 7 days).  On 6/13, I went back to the doc with the same symptoms.  My temp was up to 104.  By 6/15, I went back for a recheck.  I was still fatigued but asked if this could be a reaction to the Citalopram.  No answer to that question...

 

I went back on 9/28/11 (3 months later) and  noted that I was sleeping long periods of time and that I was more depressed and stressed than ever.   I noted that I'd had fleeting thoughts of suicide. So, the brilliant doctor switched me to Sertraline HCL 50 mg.  We stopped the Citalopram CT at this time.  On 10/17/11 I was back complaining that I was not feeling better and that I was cranky and tired for no reason.  The doc couldn't remember what I'd been on or when so she switched me by phone to Fluoxetine HCL 20 mg.  The Sertraline HCL 50 was stopped CT.  On 11/1/11, I was seen by another doc at the same clinic because I was still suffering and getting worse.  He looked at my previous medications and said they weren't likely helpful at those low doses so he changed me yet again to Effexor 75 mg.  Again, the switch was made immediately.  No taper.  No consideration that these meds OBVIOUSLY didn't agree with me.  I went back a month later complaining of, not only a severely dark mood, but also having trouble focusing, frequent crying spells and panic attacks.  (Note that I'd had very few panic attacks in my lifetime.  These were now becoming frequent and the new "normal").  They increased the meds again.  I was OK for about 6 months but had more issues that seemed like they were UTI's.  I also got a very strange surge in sex drive that made no sense.  I finally had to ask for a change in hormones because I remember telling the doctor that I didn't want to be humping someone's leg.  

 

So I have a question at this point.  To me, the fever, chills, aches, etc.  seem like they might have been indicative of Serotonin Syndrome.  Is that possible?  And I'm not sure how I was OK for six months on a higher dose of Fluoxitine without having those same symptoms of fever, chills, etc.  

 

On 6/5/12, I believe I was "visited" by a rather large kick in the butt of PTSD over a work issue.  That was really where it all fell apart completely.  I was dropped from 150 mg of Fluoxitine and put back on Sertraline very quickly.  I remember this entire episode as being debilitating.  I don't know how I survived it and kept my job at the time.  But I wasn't normal.  The job was highly stressful.  I came apart at the seams and lost my battle to keep my career on April Fools' Day 2013 (the only holiday I had left that I liked).  

 

What pattern do you see?  This was all ONE doctor.  I want to sue her until SHE commits suicide!  I'm so bloody angry!

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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After spending nearly the entire week in pajamas with extreme depression, lethargy and insomnia, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to pull myself together for dinner and Garth Brooks concert last night.  I thought about cancelling but it was so expensive I couldn't bring myself to tell my husband I couldn't do it after all.  What seems so strange is that I came out of it just in time for to hop in the shower.  

 

Sometimes I think that the promise of fun and excitement can cure us, if only temporarily.  

 

Anyone else had such an experience?

 

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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LoveandLight Newbie

LoveandLight

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That's funny and good!

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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What's not so funny is going from being so nearly myself to being back to exhausted and dark again.  So disappointed the window didn't last longer.  So damn discouraged!  I'm so sick of this!

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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What's not so funny is going from being so nearly myself to being back to exhausted and dark again.  So disappointed the window didn't last longer.  So damn discouraged!  I'm so sick of this!

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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lundeliz Newbie

lundeliz

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Yes, I agree it's really hard when the window closes.  Glad you got to enjoy the concert though.

 

At least we can look forward to the next window, hopefully a bigger and better one.  Hold on, it's

 

coming!

2006-Cymbalta 60mg for lyme disease2009-Quit Cymbalta c/tFeb. 2010-Reinstated 60mg CymMar.2010 to May.2012 tapered Cym to 36mgMay 2012-Crossed over to 30mg CelexaMay 2012-Oct.2013 Tapered Celexa down to 2.5mgOct.2013-Switched to 30 beads CymbaltaDec.4,2013-Stopped Cymbalta at 17 beads<p>Akathisia hit at 6 wks off and continuesNow taking melatonin when needed for sleep.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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If I can get it together again, I get to see Bill Maher on Saturday.  I'm trying to remember that and make it one more day at a time.

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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dalsaan Newbie

dalsaan

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Keep your chin up, windows are evidence that your system has the capacity/potential to be well. I know it's disappointing when they close but getting riled up about it is counterproductive because it's stressful.

 

Be gentle on yourself

 

D

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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Thanks, Dalsaan!  I'm trying to.

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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So I can't find a compounding pharmacy locally that will help.  I'm very frustrated.  I sent my doctor a long note about how I felt, about this site and about what I've been through.  I basically said I didn't feel there was anything left for her to do for me and that I hoped, if nothing else, she learned to warn people about side effects of AD's.  I asked her to take the time to review some of the information from this site and to understand that, contrary to popular medical opinion, withdrawals can be long lasting, significant and debilitating.  I saw a post on FB yesterday where a fellow sufferer made some headway with an intern she was seeing.  Maybe there is hope that we can teach the medical profession, at least if only a few.  

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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JanCarol Contributor

JanCarol

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Hey Ona. 

 

You may have another culprit in there, too, along with all the horrible rapid antidepressant changes.  Cipro.  People who have been damaged by Cipro call it being "Floxed."  Based on a class of antidepressants.

 

Not like you need to be more angry now, but maybe being angry is better than being dark and depressed?  (it is for me, anyway)

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7325-do-you-really-want-to-take-cipro-or-levaquin/

 

I'm sorry that our "recommended doctors" turned out to be ignorant, or out of reach.  It is a special specialty field, you know, doctoring for those that nobody else believes in?  We get similar prices here in Oz for these special specialty doctors.  The ones who treat Lyme disease (when conventional medicine says it is not in Australia, or Australians - even when they contract the disease in the USA), for example.  And the ones who understand what withdrawal is, and how to treat it.

 

Not even a lot of natural practitioners do - though - they will tell you:  Drugs, bad.  Don't take them, unless you have to."  Guess you know that now, too.

 

But finding one who says, "yes, withdrawal can be protracted.  and I can help you." is a rare bird.  There are numbers of the former, and the latter - but getting the combination is astounding.

 

My next suggestion to you is that you contact Icarus, and see if they have any docs that work with them.  And heck, if you can join an Icarus Peer Support Group, you'll be able to teach US!!!!

 

If Icarus have no suggestions, here is another angle to take (and they will usually respect your Naturopath, too):  

https://www.functionalmedicine.org/practitioner_search.aspx?id=117#results  Functional medicine (also expensive) is a radical arm of allopathic medicine that treats nutritional with toxin screens, etc.  I'm not saying they know about withdrawal, but they are likely to be more amenable to someone in withdrawal than a "normal doc."

 

I'm glad you got it going at the last minute for the concert.  Why is that?  That happens to me too.  I duwanna go, just leave me here, and then OMG! Get ready! and you go, and you're glad you did.

 

Another thing you might be noticing is that DOING STUFF, like going to a concert or visiting friends, or even talking on the phone - is EXHAUSTING.  If we go to play a game for a few hours with some friends - I'm useless for 3 days.  Three days seems to be the usual exhaustion for the usual, normal event.  A trip, or a theatre marathon (3 days, 6 shows a day) - might do me in for about 5.  But sometimes, on the other side of that exhaustion, I get "normal" again - like if I take an overseas trip and suffer 18 hours or more of sleep deprivation (I am NOT recommending this!), it seems like I will have a long window (4-6 weeks), or period of "normal, upbeat, friendly, daytime, active" person.  WTF?

 

Anyhow, I'm just cautioning you.  When you have a window, you are tempted to clean the oven, wash the dog, mow the lawn, trim the hedge, get it ALL done before the wave hits - but IF YOU DO - (I don't anymore) - you pay a price that worsens the wave when it comes.  Sometimes, like the concert, you have to pay the price.  Sometimes I pay the price to make sure my husband is not alone.  Sometimes I tell him, "can't you get one of the boys to go with you to this one?"

 

So being gentle with yourself, as Dalsaan says, is more than just when you feel bad - it's when you feel good, too - overdoing can be hard on your healing.

 

(I am not suggesting you are overdoing, I'm just explaining why you felt crap after the concert, and cautioning you for what to expect in future.)

 

Feel good today!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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JanCarol Contributor

JanCarol

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You know, another thing OnaRage, that makes me angry, is you and I, and others - cannot blame any specific drug, company or source.  There's no lawsuit in our future, no settlement, no justice or redemption before those who did this.

 

Because it's systemic.  It's not just your doctor, and it's not considered "wrong" what was done.  It's my doctor, and Alto's and Dalsaan's, and so many doctors!

 

And once you know it is happening, why is it like a conspiracy theory?  Why is it so hidden, so denied?

 

I just wanted to stand with you and shake my fists one more time.  :o

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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You know, another thing OnaRage, that makes me angry, is you and I, and others - cannot blame any specific drug, company or source.  There's no lawsuit in our future, no settlement, no justice or redemption before those who did this.

 

Because it's systemic.  It's not just your doctor, and it's not considered "wrong" what was done.  It's my doctor, and Alto's and Dalsaan's, and so many doctors!

 

And once you know it is happening, why is it like a conspiracy theory?  Why is it so hidden, so denied?

 

I just wanted to stand with you and shake my fists one more time.  :o

JanCarol, you seem gifted at lifting me up.  Thank you so much for your reply!  I have been angry.  I'm shaking my fists and I'm trying to figure out who should pay for this.  And the sooner I accept that no one doctor did this (there was a parade of them) and the sooner I accept that there isn't one medication or drug company to go after (there was a parade of them too), the sooner I can move on and look for solutions.  They say forgiveness is necessary for healing.  Both forgiveness and acceptance are so difficult for me!  But I do see the wisdom in the teachings.

 

I also understand fully that when I get windows I need to try hard not to over do it.  I tend to do exactly as you said, "clean the oven, wash the dog, mow the lawn, trim the hedge..."  Today is a beautiful window complete with sunshine outside.  So I have done a few loads of laundry, trimmed the dogs nails, vacuumed, mopped, did dishes, and was getting ready to go outside and do some yard work.  But you're right.  If I keep going, I'm bound to crash completely for the next several days and I can't afford to do that.  We leave Saturday morning for a short trip to see Bill Maher in Eugene, Oregon.  He is my weekly bright spot on HBO and I've waited to see him for YEARS!  So, I'm going to eat a sandwich, drink a glass of water and enjoy the view of spring in my beautiful blooming yard.

 

I will research Cipro on my next down day and I will look more into Icarus then too.  

 

Sending big hugs your way, JanCarol!  Thank you so much for your replies!

 

And have an awesome day!!!!!!!!!

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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OnaRage Newbie

OnaRage

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So, after having a long window last week, I lost it just in time to ruin my husband's birthday with the old depression/negativity.  I felt horrible.  Then we both got sick and spent this last week trying to get well.  I don't know if that's the reason I'm back to being under the wave or if it, again, is just part of the cycle of withdrawals.

 

I find that I am just incapable of dealing with other people anymore.  It's like my feelings are raw nerve endings.  I'm constantly being ignored, rejected, dismissed or otherwise neglected by those I thought would treat me better.  I'm just constantly hurt and all I want to do is crawl back under my rock where it stops happening.

 

And the suicidal thoughts return and I can't see the good in my life anymore.

 

I have no job.  No hope of getting one.  Few friends who will last because I can't keep up my "normal" charade for long periods of time.  And I wish my loving husband would run off and make a better life for himself because he deserves it.

 

It gets so old listening to myself whine.

 

It could be so much worse.  And, though I know it, it doesn't change the fact that I feel defeated.

 

 

Celexa 20 mg from 4/28/11 to 9/28/11 - RESULT - Didn't help enough.  Was moved to a new medication.  Med prescribed by PCP with diag of GAD and AD.

Zoloft 50 mg from 9/29/11 to 10/17/11 - RESULT - Symptoms getting worse not better.  Moved to a new medication

Prozac 20 mg from 10/18/11 to 11/1/11 - RESULT - It made me homocidal.  That was new to me!  So fun!  :-(

Effexor 75 mg to 150 mg  from 11/2/11 to 6/9/12 - RESULT - Requested increase in dose as a work situation triggered PTSD and severe depression

Zoloft 25 mg to 150 mg from 7/9/12 to 11/6/12

Zoloft 200 mg from 11/7/12 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - Medication not working.  Was graduated off this too quickly by an emergency PNP who diagnosed me as BP

BUSPAR 30 mg from 1/4/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - one 10 mg tab 3x/day - RESULT - Severe hot flashes, lethargy, unable to function

Lamictal 50 mg 4/17/13 to 5/13/13 - RESULT - new PNP told me Lamictal could kill me and that we needed to transition me off immediately.  Tried again for three days in March 2015.  Had severe chest pains on day 2 so quit taking.

Dropped all meds after going to yet another psychiatrist who gave me yet another diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and wanted to change meds again.

Cymbalta 30 mg to 60 mg to 20 mg from 12/27/13 to 2/24/15 then stopped taking altogether until 3/23 when reinstated 10 beads.

Ativan .5 to 1 mg as needed since 2011 (at least).  Not a daily med.  Used mostly during periods of detox from antidepressants.  Stopped taking in March 2015 due to fear of dependency and risk of causing further depression.

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westcoast Newbie

westcoast

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OnARage, it took me over two years to get over discontinuation. Absolutely the foulest era of my life. I remember your first post. I related, then and now.

 

There is every chance that if you can ride this out month you will recover.

 

Your clean-date is no all that long ago.

 

If you can try not to hold opinions of yourself, and your future, it will help. It helps me. None of us knows that will come down the pink in the next 12 months. Who knows, maybe some good luck!

 

I felt like and was a joyless, poorly groomed heavy drinker for most of 2013. To think that that morose pig has most her ducks in a row, including a new man ... I would not have believed a guy as well-put together and good looking would approach me. He is 8 years younger too.

 

Please go easy on yourself. It is horrible to lose it at your husband all that. But the temper is hard to control in the first months after wd.

 

Lay low. Forget the future for the moment. Don't judge yourself in withdrawal now, or later.

 

It will get better, maybe a month at a time.

 

And JanCarol, I agree about inability to sue because of chaotic drug history.

 

The FDA had a role in all this.

2009: Cancer hospital said I had adjustment disorder because I thought they were doing it wrong. Their headshrinker prescribed Effexor, and my life set on a new course. I didn't know what was ahead, like a passenger on Disneyland's Matterhorn, smiling and waving as it climbs...clink, clink, clink.

2010: Post surgical accidental Effexor discontinuation by nurses, masked by intravenous Dilaudid. (The car is balanced at the top of the track.) I get home, pop a Vicodin, and ...

Whooosh...down, down, down, down, down...goes the trajectory of my life, up goes my mood and tendency to think everything is a good idea.
2012: After the bipolar jig was up, now a walking bag of unrelated symptoms, I went crazy on Daytrana (the Ritalin skin patch by Noven), because ADHD was a perfect fit for a bag of unrelated symptoms. I was prescribed Effexor for the nervousness of it, and things got neurological. An EEG showed enough activity to warrant an epilepsy diagnosis rather than non-epileptic ("psychogenic") seizures.

:o 2013-2014: Quit everything and got worse. I probably went through DAWS: dopamine agonist withdrawal syndrome. I drank to not feel, but I felt a lot: dread, fear, regret, grief: an utter sense of total loss of everything worth breathing about, for almost two years.

I was not suicidal but I wanted to be dead, at least dead to the experience of my own brain and body.

2015: I  began to recover after adding virgin coconut oil and organic grass-fed fed butter to a cup of instant coffee in the morning.

I did it hoping for mental acuity and better memory. After ten days of that, I was much better, mood-wise. Approximately neutral.

And, I experienced drowsiness. I could sleep. Not exactly happy, I did 30 days on Wellbutrin, because it had done me no harm in the past. 

I don't have the DAWS mood or state of mind. It never feel like doing anything if it means standing up.

In fact, I don't especially like moving. I'm a brain with a beanbag body.   :unsure:

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