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caperjackie

caperjackie 4 Years Off Paxil

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caperjackie

I posted the following this time last year on another forum. It was my 3 year update.

 

 

Today - I am active, healthy and busy living my life with barely a thought to WD. I feel pleasure and pain, excitement and disappointment, joy and hurt, I cry and I laugh - all the normal range of emotions that are part of the human condition. I have my energy and motivation back. Today - I consider myself a full success story because any more healing will be a bonus only.

 

This, is without question, the hardest thing that I have ever gone through but I do not regret doing it. I am completely 'med' free and have my own mind back (for what that is worth lol) so IF the handful of 'residual issues' (listed below) that remain, happen to stay around I consider the price worth it.

 

Residual Issues 

Physical

Tinnitus - this is by far the worst physical symptom. It started while on Paxil and became considerably and progressively worse once off. There are basically 2 sounds which both vary in intensity - a high pitched whine and a low buzzing.  Every month or so I get a few hours break of blissful silence which gives me hope that it will completely go away one day. Can be irritating at times and I am usually aware of it but the overall impact has become minimal.

Numb feet - this has stayed with me since coming off and sometimes affects my balance. It too varies in intensity but aside from being more careful in the shower (cannot tell if I am going to slip) this has less than minimal impact on my life.

Vision - eyes are healthy but vision problems come and go. Mostly blurring and floaters. Minimal impact.

Skin - still have worse acne outbreaks than when I was a teenager. I suspect that the hormonal system could still be adjusting. Impact on my life ....... ZERO

 

Psychological/Emotional

Stress tolerance -these have been bad for the duration and up until a couple of months ago I would have said that they were still at very low levels. Recently though, I have found myself in a number of very high stress situations  and surprised myself by not falling apart - apparently I just needed some practice LOL. Impact on my life ........... moderate to minimal

Anxiety levels - these have vastly improved (how could they not after the ridiculous stuff of acute WD), however ............ I still have times and they have a different 'feel' to pre- med anxiety. Impact on my life is moderate because this only impacts when the levels are bad - the regular anxiety that I have always lived with is now a walk in the park by comparison.

Depression - once in a while with months between sessions. This is something that I never had pre 'meds' so I count it as a residual issue. It comes with the usual misery - crying, lethargy, suicidal thoughts etc. Impact is minimal because it happens rarely and only lasts a few days.

 

Update

Nothing has changed in the last year except for a bit more anhedonia. Although I said that it doesn't matter above, I now realize that I had hoped for some more healing. I still do not regret coming off these foul poisons and would do it again even knowing what was ahead ........... however ............ is this it?

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Altostrata

Congratulations, caperjackie. I am sure more healing is ahead of you.

 

(To read more of caperjackie's history, see ☼ caperjackie: 9 months off Paxil

 

Please continue to converse with her in this Success Story topic.)

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aberdeen

caperjackie, hi! I feel very similar. I think anhedonia is just a tag a long symptom for the long haul. I do notice mine has periods of more improvement than ever before though. It windows and waves of course, but the windows are better than they once were (speaking specifically of the anhedonia). It will go eventually. It was also one of my first symptoms, it began before the really torturous stuff, and seems to have outlasted it also. Hang in there.

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nz11

Caperjackie just saw this thread .

 

Wishing you heaps more healing . 

 

I also have anhedonia so you are not alone.

How about sleep ...are you sleeping ok.

Yes i have also surprised myself by being able to hold it together when i was bracing myself for a cog implosion that never occured or if it did it was short lived. 

 

Thanks for taking the time to do an update

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oskcajga

I posted the following this time last year on another forum. It was my 3 year update.

 

 

Today - I am active, healthy and busy living my life with barely a thought to WD. I feel pleasure and pain, excitement and disappointment, joy and hurt, I cry and I laugh - all the normal range of emotions that are part of the human condition. I have my energy and motivation back. Today - I consider myself a full success story because any more healing will be a bonus only.

 

This, is without question, the hardest thing that I have ever gone through but I do not regret doing it. I am completely 'med' free and have my own mind back (for what that is worth lol) so IF the handful of 'residual issues' (listed below) that remain, happen to stay around I consider the price worth it.

 

Residual Issues 

Physical

Tinnitus - this is by far the worst physical symptom. It started while on Paxil and became considerably and progressively worse once off. There are basically 2 sounds which both vary in intensity - a high pitched whine and a low buzzing.  Every month or so I get a few hours break of blissful silence which gives me hope that it will completely go away one day. Can be irritating at times and I am usually aware of it but the overall impact has become minimal.

Numb feet - this has stayed with me since coming off and sometimes affects my balance. It too varies in intensity but aside from being more careful in the shower (cannot tell if I am going to slip) this has less than minimal impact on my life.

Vision - eyes are healthy but vision problems come and go. Mostly blurring and floaters. Minimal impact.

Skin - still have worse acne outbreaks than when I was a teenager. I suspect that the hormonal system could still be adjusting. Impact on my life ....... ZERO

 

Psychological/Emotional

Stress tolerance -these have been bad for the duration and up until a couple of months ago I would have said that they were still at very low levels. Recently though, I have found myself in a number of very high stress situations  and surprised myself by not falling apart - apparently I just needed some practice LOL. Impact on my life ........... moderate to minimal

Anxiety levels - these have vastly improved (how could they not after the ridiculous stuff of acute WD), however ............ I still have times and they have a different 'feel' to pre- med anxiety. Impact on my life is moderate because this only impacts when the levels are bad - the regular anxiety that I have always lived with is now a walk in the park by comparison.

Depression - once in a while with months between sessions. This is something that I never had pre 'meds' so I count it as a residual issue. It comes with the usual misery - crying, lethargy, suicidal thoughts etc. Impact is minimal because it happens rarely and only lasts a few days.

 

Update

Nothing has changed in the last year except for a bit more anhedonia. Although I said that it doesn't matter above, I now realize that I had hoped for some more healing. I still do not regret coming off these foul poisons and would do it again even knowing what was ahead ........... however ............ is this it?

 

 

Wow, that's an incredible amount of healing.  I'd be so thrilled if I could be in that sort of shape 3 years off this stuff.  Congratulations, you're so lucky.

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nz11

Hi Caperjackie

 

Just wanted to let you know i have got my front row seat sorted in anticipation of your 5 yr update which i think is due at the end of the month right?

 

Hope you are doing even better these days.

 

nz11

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ChessieCat

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC

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