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☼ oskcajga: Partial recovery: SSRI/SNRI withdrawal and adverse reaction


oskcajga

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I believe I was the first reader of your initial introduction as I noted it was immediately after you posted. I was very impressed thinking wow, you did it like a thesis :) I actually shared your initial intro with my family as I have 95% of what you had but I always have difficulty explaining it. that's how well your brain is working even in such a hellish situation!

  

Unofrtunately, I am not out yet as you can see from my signature. I am still on 3.425 mg Lexapro doing <1% cut every couple weeks. If I ever get out, it will be 7+ yrs giving this rate and assumming no other hiccup along the way. I am still going through all the fun experiences every moment.

 

 

With such a slow taper are you able to avoid withdrawals?   The only way I'd have the patience to taper so slowly would be to completely avoid going through withdrawals (or at least minimize it).  I personally did a fairly rapid taper (something like 20% reduction once every week or so, then I just stopped at 10mg of cymbalta), which is probably why I'm in the mess that I'm in to begin with.  Wish I hadn't been so cavalier about the tapering process, but even my taper was better than going cold turkey.

 

I'm really glad that you found my writing to be helpful and aided in your personal experiences with this wonderful SSRI nightmare so many people find themselves in.  Sometimes I get "inspired" to write.  It's very rare, and I haven't really had a moment like it since I wrote that post.   I was just planning on keeping this all to myself until I was fully recovered until I stumbled upon this youtube video of a very very sad case of withdrawals: 

 

If you watch this video, you'll see that this woman was actually quite cognisant and capable - she was also feeling emotions, etc etc.  I find the most tragic thing about this video the fact that she went back on the meds after 7 months!!!  Noooo... so sad.  According to her own update on youtube, she got pregnant while taking paxil and has a daughter.  Not even sure if that's tragic or not, but I'm leaning towards tragic.  She's apparently still a slave to paxil.  Pretty good evidence right there that this is very serious problem in the world (people are total slaves to this stuff).

 

Anyways, good luck on your taper.  Sounds like it's a pretty straightforward process for you, although it's going to obviously take a long time (unless you decide to speed things up a bit). 

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Update:

 

Spilled a bunch of gasoline all over my arm and then inhaled a bunch of gasoline as well.  Thought I'd have a terrible adverse reaction, but I just felt sort of out of it for an hour or so, now feeling much much better.  A year ago this sort of thing would have created a MASSIVE panic attack and I'd be totally incapacitated for a couple of days, at least.

 

Sign of improvement.

 

Oddly, all these "exposures" to chemicals, or other things usually result in my trigeminal nerve to get all out of whack, causing confusion, depersonalization, difficulty concentrating, etc.  The symptoms are almost always the same, regardless of what I was exposed to.

 

I'm sure I'll be fully recovered within a day, nothing tragic to report, thankfully.

 

I have reactions to many things. Smells things don't even have to touch me at this point I cannot tolerate chemicals nail polish hair products tooth paste cleaning products with scent... this list could be endless.  It did improve for a time but I am right back in the thick of it again and I am not sure why. 

 

I posted a few videos last night about change your brain... was the title.  I watched like videos for hours all last night got over stimulated and slept very little what not to do if your making a list.  

On one of those videos they were showing scans of brains and on the brains of a person who worked with paint there was a difference .. drugs effects show up too.. I would like to have this type of scan done... it relates this way he said nail polish and getting your hair done can damage your brain futher and make you more apt to have Alzheimer.... so finally I found some validation on the smells and chemicals... Not only that he says there are different types of depression and they need to be treated differently... and what else.. sorry i am not thinking great... how to fix it and it takes 4 months he says for you brain to heal... I wanted to laugh at that but I didn't .. guess it depends on what you do to treat it.. and he tells you how to treat it.  fish oil food no toxins no mold cant recall the rest.

 

At least your getting better.  

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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/watch?v=65c8wkB3WnI

 http..utube with the bit above and you will see her video and you will find many others... like her. 

I did not see an address for her so I looked it up 

 

My heart goes out to her a living hell indeed. 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment

 

Update:

 

Spilled a bunch of gasoline all over my arm and then inhaled a bunch of gasoline as well.  Thought I'd have a terrible adverse reaction, but I just felt sort of out of it for an hour or so, now feeling much much better.  A year ago this sort of thing would have created a MASSIVE panic attack and I'd be totally incapacitated for a couple of days, at least.

 

Sign of improvement.

 

Oddly, all these "exposures" to chemicals, or other things usually result in my trigeminal nerve to get all out of whack, causing confusion, depersonalization, difficulty concentrating, etc.  The symptoms are almost always the same, regardless of what I was exposed to.

 

I'm sure I'll be fully recovered within a day, nothing tragic to report, thankfully.

 

I have reactions to many things. Smells things don't even have to touch me at this point I cannot tolerate chemicals nail polish hair products tooth paste cleaning products with scent... this list could be endless.  It did improve for a time but I am right back in the thick of it again and I am not sure why. 

 

I posted a few videos last night about change your brain... was the title.  I watched like videos for hours all last night got over stimulated and slept very little what not to do if your making a list.  

On one of those videos they were showing scans of brains and on the brains of a person who worked with paint there was a difference .. drugs effects show up too.. I would like to have this type of scan done... it relates this way he said nail polish and getting your hair done can damage your brain futher and make you more apt to have Alzheimer.... so finally I found some validation on the smells and chemicals... Not only that he says there are different types of depression and they need to be treated differently... and what else.. sorry i am not thinking great... how to fix it and it takes 4 months he says for you brain to heal... I wanted to laugh at that but I didn't .. guess it depends on what you do to treat it.. and he tells you how to treat it.  fish oil food no toxins no mold cant recall the rest.

 

At least your getting better.  

 

 

I know where you are - I use to be super sensitive to things too.  I got lucky and my brain healed and now I can tolerate MOST things. 

 

The hypersensitivity is one of the MOST limiting experiences I've ever had in my entire life.  The worst of it lasted for about a year, and it was just terrible the entire time.  I am just extremely lucky and extremely grateful that mine healed.  I feel sorry for you, because I totally understand your sensitivities.  The best thing I did to help was to eat an extremely good diet, get exercise a lot, and just wait.  Nothing special, just avoidance of irritating substances and lots and lots of patience.

 

I seriously think that we can all heal from this, it just takes longer in some people than others.  Good luck.

Link to comment

 

 

Update:

 

Spilled a bunch of gasoline all over my arm and then inhaled a bunch of gasoline as well.  Thought I'd have a terrible adverse reaction, but I just felt sort of out of it for an hour or so, now feeling much much better.  A year ago this sort of thing would have created a MASSIVE panic attack and I'd be totally incapacitated for a couple of days, at least.

 

Sign of improvement.

 

Oddly, all these "exposures" to chemicals, or other things usually result in my trigeminal nerve to get all out of whack, causing confusion, depersonalization, difficulty concentrating, etc.  The symptoms are almost always the same, regardless of what I was exposed to.

 

I'm sure I'll be fully recovered within a day, nothing tragic to report, thankfully.

 

I have reactions to many things. Smells things don't even have to touch me at this point I cannot tolerate chemicals nail polish hair products tooth paste cleaning products with scent... this list could be endless.  It did improve for a time but I am right back in the thick of it again and I am not sure why. 

 

I posted a few videos last night about change your brain... was the title.  I watched like videos for hours all last night got over stimulated and slept very little what not to do if your making a list.  

On one of those videos they were showing scans of brains and on the brains of a person who worked with paint there was a difference .. drugs effects show up too.. I would like to have this type of scan done... it relates this way he said nail polish and getting your hair done can damage your brain futher and make you more apt to have Alzheimer.... so finally I found some validation on the smells and chemicals... Not only that he says there are different types of depression and they need to be treated differently... and what else.. sorry i am not thinking great... how to fix it and it takes 4 months he says for you brain to heal... I wanted to laugh at that but I didn't .. guess it depends on what you do to treat it.. and he tells you how to treat it.  fish oil food no toxins no mold cant recall the rest.

 

At least your getting better.  

 

 

I know where you are - I use to be super sensitive to things too.  I got lucky and my brain healed and now I can tolerate MOST things. 

 

The hypersensitivity is one of the MOST limiting experiences I've ever had in my entire life.  The worst of it lasted for about a year, and it was just terrible the entire time.  I am just extremely lucky and extremely grateful that mine healed.  I feel sorry for you, because I totally understand your sensitivities.  The best thing I did to help was to eat an extremely good diet, get exercise a lot, and just wait.  Nothing special, just avoidance of irritating substances and lots and lots of patience.

 

I seriously think that we can all heal from this, it just takes longer in some people than others.  Good luck.

 

That is the thing I was the same as you it healed now it came back.

Avoiding toxins is not so easy my sons girl friend dyes her hair in the bath tub and is constantly doing her nails I go out... or leave to my room but really it is ridiculous having it come back after being gone for such a long time. 

I had a car accident I was hurt but this did not start with the accident which was over 2 years go now... it started a few months maybe 5 months ago.. came back boom. I am having other issues too a hand/arm that shakes the same had the palm has a burning sensation at times the shaking is hit and miss not that often but it is scary. I can't exercise I have not recovered from neck and back pain... I also have to do things slowly or I get dizzy. 

 

Just all creepy. 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment

 

 

 

Update:

 

Spilled a bunch of gasoline all over my arm and then inhaled a bunch of gasoline as well.  Thought I'd have a terrible adverse reaction, but I just felt sort of out of it for an hour or so, now feeling much much better.  A year ago this sort of thing would have created a MASSIVE panic attack and I'd be totally incapacitated for a couple of days, at least.

 

Sign of improvement.

 

Oddly, all these "exposures" to chemicals, or other things usually result in my trigeminal nerve to get all out of whack, causing confusion, depersonalization, difficulty concentrating, etc.  The symptoms are almost always the same, regardless of what I was exposed to.

 

I'm sure I'll be fully recovered within a day, nothing tragic to report, thankfully.

 

I have reactions to many things. Smells things don't even have to touch me at this point I cannot tolerate chemicals nail polish hair products tooth paste cleaning products with scent... this list could be endless.  It did improve for a time but I am right back in the thick of it again and I am not sure why. 

 

I posted a few videos last night about change your brain... was the title.  I watched like videos for hours all last night got over stimulated and slept very little what not to do if your making a list.  

On one of those videos they were showing scans of brains and on the brains of a person who worked with paint there was a difference .. drugs effects show up too.. I would like to have this type of scan done... it relates this way he said nail polish and getting your hair done can damage your brain futher and make you more apt to have Alzheimer.... so finally I found some validation on the smells and chemicals... Not only that he says there are different types of depression and they need to be treated differently... and what else.. sorry i am not thinking great... how to fix it and it takes 4 months he says for you brain to heal... I wanted to laugh at that but I didn't .. guess it depends on what you do to treat it.. and he tells you how to treat it.  fish oil food no toxins no mold cant recall the rest.

 

At least your getting better.  

 

 

I know where you are - I use to be super sensitive to things too.  I got lucky and my brain healed and now I can tolerate MOST things. 

 

The hypersensitivity is one of the MOST limiting experiences I've ever had in my entire life.  The worst of it lasted for about a year, and it was just terrible the entire time.  I am just extremely lucky and extremely grateful that mine healed.  I feel sorry for you, because I totally understand your sensitivities.  The best thing I did to help was to eat an extremely good diet, get exercise a lot, and just wait.  Nothing special, just avoidance of irritating substances and lots and lots of patience.

 

I seriously think that we can all heal from this, it just takes longer in some people than others.  Good luck.

 

That is the thing I was the same as you it healed now it came back.

Avoiding toxins is not so easy my sons girl friend dyes her hair in the bath tub and is constantly doing her nails I go out... or leave to my room but really it is ridiculous having it come back after being gone for such a long time. 

I had a car accident I was hurt but this did not start with the accident which was over 2 years go now... it started a few months maybe 5 months ago.. came back boom. I am having other issues too a hand/arm that shakes the same had the palm has a burning sensation at times the shaking is hit and miss not that often but it is scary. I can't exercise I have not recovered from neck and back pain... I also have to do things slowly or I get dizzy. 

 

Just all creepy. 

 

 

Hmm, it sounds like you're having a difficult time.  It's stressful to have all of these people living in your house when you're hypersensitive to things.  I understand how that might feel - I had to live with people for a long time now and it was not always easy.  I'm now living with people and thankfully I'm not hypersensitive to as much, so I can at least more or less participate and communicate.

 

Are you currently taking any other medication that might be interfering with the healing process?  ANY medication you're taking might be a confounding factor.  If you're 100% off other medication, then you might just be going through a wave of a return of symptoms.

 

Certainly you can go for walks, right?  I don't vigorously exercise, most of my "exercise" consists of long walks (maybe 1-5 miles).  All it takes is some walking to really count as "exercise".    I usually don't have the internal motivation to jog or do any sort of more extreme exercise, but I consider walking the dogs or going outside and walking around the parks to be exercise.  If you can even just walk for 10 minutes each day, that's enough.  Sitting around the house and not doing anything is only going to exacerbate your symptoms.  I'd try to muster what ever sort of energy you can to get out and go for walks that last for as long as you can handle.  Maybe try going outside and doing some gardening, or something.  As long as you're not just laying around, that's what counts.

 

The back and neck pain is more or less unavoidable.  Unless you want to be an opioid addict for the rest of your life, it's unfortunately just a matter of learning to live with the pain.  I know that is tough to hear, but it's the truth.  There's no cure for chronic pain through conventional medicine - there are a number of other techniques that can be used, but western medicine will 99% of the time try to medicate the pain away.  I'm sure you're aware of this, I'm just preaching to the quire.

Link to comment

 

 

 

 

Update:

 

Spilled a bunch of gasoline all over my arm and then inhaled a bunch of gasoline as well.  Thought I'd have a terrible adverse reaction, but I just felt sort of out of it for an hour or so, now feeling much much better.  A year ago this sort of thing would have created a MASSIVE panic attack and I'd be totally incapacitated for a couple of days, at least.

 

Sign of improvement.

 

Oddly, all these "exposures" to chemicals, or other things usually result in my trigeminal nerve to get all out of whack, causing confusion, depersonalization, difficulty concentrating, etc.  The symptoms are almost always the same, regardless of what I was exposed to.

 

I'm sure I'll be fully recovered within a day, nothing tragic to report, thankfully.

 

I have reactions to many things. Smells things don't even have to touch me at this point I cannot tolerate chemicals nail polish hair products tooth paste cleaning products with scent... this list could be endless.  It did improve for a time but I am right back in the thick of it again and I am not sure why. 

 

I posted a few videos last night about change your brain... was the title.  I watched like videos for hours all last night got over stimulated and slept very little what not to do if your making a list.  

On one of those videos they were showing scans of brains and on the brains of a person who worked with paint there was a difference .. drugs effects show up too.. I would like to have this type of scan done... it relates this way he said nail polish and getting your hair done can damage your brain futher and make you more apt to have Alzheimer.... so finally I found some validation on the smells and chemicals... Not only that he says there are different types of depression and they need to be treated differently... and what else.. sorry i am not thinking great... how to fix it and it takes 4 months he says for you brain to heal... I wanted to laugh at that but I didn't .. guess it depends on what you do to treat it.. and he tells you how to treat it.  fish oil food no toxins no mold cant recall the rest.

 

At least your getting better.  

 

 

I know where you are - I use to be super sensitive to things too.  I got lucky and my brain healed and now I can tolerate MOST things. 

 

The hypersensitivity is one of the MOST limiting experiences I've ever had in my entire life.  The worst of it lasted for about a year, and it was just terrible the entire time.  I am just extremely lucky and extremely grateful that mine healed.  I feel sorry for you, because I totally understand your sensitivities.  The best thing I did to help was to eat an extremely good diet, get exercise a lot, and just wait.  Nothing special, just avoidance of irritating substances and lots and lots of patience.

 

I seriously think that we can all heal from this, it just takes longer in some people than others.  Good luck.

 

That is the thing I was the same as you it healed now it came back.

Avoiding toxins is not so easy my sons girl friend dyes her hair in the bath tub and is constantly doing her nails I go out... or leave to my room but really it is ridiculous having it come back after being gone for such a long time. 

I had a car accident I was hurt but this did not start with the accident which was over 2 years go now... it started a few months maybe 5 months ago.. came back boom. I am having other issues too a hand/arm that shakes the same had the palm has a burning sensation at times the shaking is hit and miss not that often but it is scary. I can't exercise I have not recovered from neck and back pain... I also have to do things slowly or I get dizzy. 

 

Just all creepy. 

 

 

Hmm, it sounds like you're having a difficult time.  It's stressful to have all of these people living in your house when you're hypersensitive to things.  I understand how that might feel - I had to live with people for a long time now and it was not always easy.  I'm now living with people and thankfully I'm not hypersensitive to as much, so I can at least more or less participate and communicate.

 

Are you currently taking any other medication that might be interfering with the healing process?  ANY medication you're taking might be a confounding factor.  If you're 100% off other medication, then you might just be going through a wave of a return of symptoms.

 

Certainly you can go for walks, right?  I don't vigorously exercise, most of my "exercise" consists of long walks (maybe 1-5 miles).  All it takes is some walking to really count as "exercise".    I usually don't have the internal motivation to jog or do any sort of more extreme exercise, but I consider walking the dogs or going outside and walking around the parks to be exercise.  If you can even just walk for 10 minutes each day, that's enough.  Sitting around the house and not doing anything is only going to exacerbate your symptoms.  I'd try to muster what ever sort of energy you can to get out and go for walks that last for as long as you can handle.  Maybe try going outside and doing some gardening, or something.  As long as you're not just laying around, that's what counts.

 

The back and neck pain is more or less unavoidable.  Unless you want to be an opioid addict for the rest of your life, it's unfortunately just a matter of learning to live with the pain.  I know that is tough to hear, but it's the truth.  There's no cure for chronic pain through conventional medicine - there are a number of other techniques that can be used, but western medicine will 99% of the time try to medicate the pain away.  I'm sure you're aware of this, I'm just preaching to the quire.

 

It is not my house and they want me out but I don't have enough income from disablity for market rent there are no supported housing left.. long waiting list I have been on for years... so I am in a pickle just now.  I lost my house with my effexor fall... long long ago and my saving and my health. 

Go read my personal thread.. it does not start at the beginning really there have been a lot of things.  Some drug reactions a surgery some broken bones a car accident a ton of infections ... on and on it tires me out to say it all. I keep breaking my foot that really limits my walking just started back I injured it again a short time ago but it was not broken I need to baby it still. The same bone keeps breaking in a different place.. baby in the word. 

LOL oh my you sound like me... giving sound advice.. I take codeine as little as I can get away with .. but I am well aware the dose is increasing... painfully aware still I need to sleep if I do not sleep then I am opening another can of worms to crazy town.. I cannot sleep in pain I try... believe me I try.. I have many other things I try first but it always resorts back to codeine. 

We are not sure yet that what I am dealing with is chronic pain of unknown ? or if it is something else that can be fixed... I have been doing this a long time I know my options see my thread if you dare. Yep pretty much the choir here.. been there done that.. wish it wasn't so but it is... I am nothing if not a realist... I know what I am up against and there are few things left for me to try due to drug reactions no pain block nadda so I will be a drug addict who dies of an exploded liver or I will find another way.. we will see but I would choose that to being in care.. that is how I roll. :) choices they are so tricky aren't they... :)

peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment

You know I also have another med I have for emergency mirgrain it is called forinal I have had 10 pills for the last 3 years or so.. still have a few... one day this wk I got the lights that warn me I did not have an T3 that I would normally try to calm it with so I took the forinal and that day I did go to the garden and get some flowers as my back was not killing me and I went for a walk.. 

On seeing my doc to get more T3 I said to her what a relief it was not to have pain even for a brief time...... told her about the forinal that she gave to me... she asked for a drug test so we did that too...and around we go.  I have pills a new one with demeral and norepinephrine they gave me last year at emerg is sits untouched... I am not a drug addict tho some wish I were it would make me easier to manipulate discredit and dispose of.  But I am done making it easy for everyone but me... :) I guess  you mean well but I have got 30 years with this pain drug antidepressant stuff things are tense with me .. sometimes think it may be related to a concussion we know they are cumulative and I have had a few. There are always so many variables and challenges in life nothing is every easy or simple .. I did not ask for easy I asked for possible... that is suppose to be my new motto but today I would ask for justice too... just because it seems lacking.  

I have used these in the past 2 months benadryl for hives T3 likley about 30 or so.. I cut them up take only enough to get thru.. I know I am on think ice... am never completely pain free except that mirgrain pill did it this wk.. for a few hours first time in 2.5 years... had steroid and antibiotics that is the end of my drug list. yes I know it is not good all things were a must... at the time. 

peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment

Well, I don't have the luxury to be totally disabled as I have to work to support myself and faster taper simply dose not allow me to maintain the very basic functions to be partially functioning, also it is intolerable.

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Well, I don't have the luxury to be totally disabled as I have to work to support myself and faster taper simply dose not allow me to maintain the very basic functions to be partially functioning, also it is intolerable.

 

Do you think being totally disabled is a luxury? I am having a knew jerk reaction here and it is not right you obviously don't get it.  Let me explain for some of use who were drugged a long time a point comes where or did for me where the drug actually makes you sick.. so it seems... side effects increase and some things I will say is tolerance there is not much to back it all up that I know of...but tolerance to me means having more and more symptoms tolerance  effects until your are non functional...at that point you will see doctors likley many I did.  Ended at a neurologist who said I had to get off Effexor wanted me off and right onto cymbalta but I was already sick and going to cymbalta made me worse .. a few other drugs were tried a parkinson one mirapex... and lyrica both bad for me... so back to effexor... for me it was likely swallowing poison my body could not keep it down my body rejected it.

I say it all quick and cute here but I figure tolerance started a couple of years before I got to the neurologist who wanted to play with meds... I did that for another year.. then I quit cold turkey.

 

I was already completely disabled before I went cold turkey... my one foot was dragging my head would drop to my chest I could not think or manage my money... this is what 18 years of antidepressants got me.

 

 

I was on and off many drugs in those years and ya I worked and I kept working until I couldn't. There is withdrawal and then there is withdrawal where you body will not tolerate any more medications. Nothing helped it was the end of the line my body said no more.. it can happen.  

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment

Well, I don't have the luxury to be totally disabled as I have to work to support myself and faster taper simply dose not allow me to maintain the very basic functions to be partially functioning, also it is intolerable.

 

I totally understand.  I tried to go back on the drugs after a little while (a month or two) after a fast taper, but they just totally messed me up even more.  So after like 4 horrible weeks of trying to reinstate, I took myself off the prozac and have just in a lot of pain and very miserable ever since.  I wish I had done a slow taper...god do I wish I did that.  I would have saved myself so much agony.  I suppose that I thought I was going to be able to heal from the drugs quickly, because it's unusual to suffer from protracted withdrawal.  Wrong.

 

Glad to know that you're still functioning, you're a heck of a lot better off than most of us if that's the case.

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there is more

http://naturesnurtureblog.com/greener-household-cleaners/

 

shampoo

How to Make Natural Shampoo
 
Prep time
5 mins
Total time
5 mins
 
Simple homemade shampoo with coconut milk and liquid castille soap. Works on most hair types!
Author: Wellness Mama
Recipe type: Beauty
Ingredients
 
Instructions
  1. Combine all ingredients in an old shampoo bottle or jar of some kind (pump soap dispensers and even foaming dispensers work well for this. If you use a foaming dispenser, add ¼ cup of distilled water)
  2. Shake well to mix.
  3. Keep in shower for up to a month.
  4. Shake before each use.
  5. Use about a teaspoon every time you shampoo.
  6. If you use a foaming dispenser, it also makes a great shaving cream- just dilute with ¼ cup distilled water!
 
Notes
Some people find that rinsing with a 50:50 mixture of apple cider vinegar and water makes hair silkier with a homemade shampoo like this.

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment

 

there is more

http://naturesnurtureblog.com/greener-household-cleaners/

 

shampoo

How to Make Natural Shampoo
 
Prep time
5 mins
Total time
5 mins
 
Simple homemade shampoo with coconut milk and liquid castille soap. Works on most hair types!
Author: Wellness Mama
Recipe type: Beauty
Ingredients
 
Instructions
  1. Combine all ingredients in an old shampoo bottle or jar of some kind (pump soap dispensers and even foaming dispensers work well for this. If you use a foaming dispenser, add ¼ cup of distilled water)
  2. Shake well to mix.
  3. Keep in shower for up to a month.
  4. Shake before each use.
  5. Use about a teaspoon every time you shampoo.
  6. If you use a foaming dispenser, it also makes a great shaving cream- just dilute with ¼ cup distilled water!
 
Notes
Some people find that rinsing with a 50:50 mixture of apple cider vinegar and water makes hair silkier with a homemade shampoo like this.

 

 

 

errrr, I guess we all now know how to make natural shampoo. 

Link to comment

LOL I know it is not funny to you but it is speaking volumes loudly to me I need a break!  

 

This was to be sent in pm to another member who has a chemical sensitivity other odd thing I sent her a fix it for this today and she did not question it when she wrote back.... surely she thinks I have flipped my lid... I will ask a mod to remove it sorry...

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment

LOL I know it is not funny to you but it is speaking volumes loudly to me I need a break!  

 

This was to be sent in pm to another member who has a chemical sensitivity other odd thing I sent her a fix it for this today and she did not question it when she wrote back.... surely she thinks I have flipped my lid... I will ask a mod to remove it sorry...

 

nonono, keep it on this thread.

Link to comment

I already asked it to be removed but if you want it I will cancel the request with another request :) you got it :)

 

never know when you may want to make your own shampoo not sure about that bonners soap tho looking for a different one...:)

peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment

oskcajga posted 01 June 2015 - 07:41 PM on Theon's thread:

 

You got that right!

 

I got sick from Prozac WD in 2003, I was in protracted withdrawal for three years, and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I did all medical tests, nobody could figure it out. My doctor didn't believe me. So I was never told that Prozac had harmed me so bad.

 

So years later, I went back on SSRIs, this time Lexapro.

 

When I went off Lexapro, I got hit hard with weird symptoms seven months after stopping. It was only then that I went on the Internet and figured out Lexapro was causing the strange, severe symptoms. I read other stories of people reporting exactly the same symptoms, months after stopping.

 

It was only then that I realized that Prozac had made me sick, so many years ago. It took me eleven years to find out what had made me so sick for so long in 2003.

 

Finally, it all made sense. And everything I have learned since then has only confirmed that it is these drugs that have caused my symptoms. There's just no doubt. So many people reporting the same thing, over and over. And all their doctors clueless too. Hard to believe. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't go through myself - twice. I am an engineer by education, I am science-minded. Once I had access to all the evidence, there was only one conclusion I could reach. The evidence is just overwhelming. I was so happy to finally figure out what made me so sick.  :lol:  But then of course I got very angry at my doctors!  :angry:  

 

And, I am healing exactly according to the windows and waves pattern of recovery. I'm getting better. I have no anxiety or depression.

 

I am basically my same old self now. The nerve damage I have from Lexapro - paresthesia of the brain manifesting as roaring tinnitus - is getting slowly better.

 

You're lucky to have more or less returned to your old self.  Like you, I also realized what was going on due to medication use early on in my life because of a bad experience with medications many years later.  It all made sense to me, after many years of suffering and blaming myself for my deficiencies.

 

It's all sad and tragic. 

 

I have some sort of parathesia of my brain, but also my trigeminal nerve and all of my peripheral nerves that is also slowly getting better but it's not quick enough and my life is going to complete shambles in the process.  It's very hard to not want to hurt myself, but I somehow just keep surviving one day at a time.  So hard.

 

I'm really happy to hear that you feel like you're going back to your old self.  It must be a great feeling to have.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I too had my career cut short due to protracted SSRI WD. I too am predominantly academic, high achieving in the sciences, and had that capacity stunted by protracted SSRI WD and the damage caused to our brains by the use of SSRIs.

 

I'm pretty sure that use of these drugs has reduced my mental and physical capacity to some degree. 

 

It is good to feel largely like my old self because it reassures me that we all have a large capacity to heal.

 

I definitely have good reason to believe that much more healing is on the way. And I bet that the same holds for you. 

 

I know what it feels like to be in the darkest months and years of SSRI WD. Sometimes it seems that all is lost. And that is the nature of SSRI WD; it seems to take longer than a human can bear. Yet you can get all your thoughts together well, your brain is working well, and you are in there, intact, underneath your withdrawal symptoms. Once you accrue much more healing over the next months and years, you should see yourself in much better shape towards the end of the recovery process.

 

Have you seen these videos?

 

 

 

Hell hath no fury as an SSRI scorned.....

 

Prozac:   20 mg 1996 – May 2003 CT to 0 mg; by Aug 03 CRASH then protracted WD 3 yrs

Zoloft:    2004 few weeks;, CT to 0 mg

Effexor:  2005 few months CT to 0 mg; bad withdrawal. 

Lexapro:  10 mg from 2009 – 2011; cut dose in half to:

Lexapro:    5 mg from 2011 – Feb. 2014; CT to 0 mg; 2 months of fatigue, followed by:
Aug - Oct 2014 Lexapro WD Insomnia Wave; sleeping very good from Nov 2014 - Nov 2015; broken sleep pattern Dec 2015 - Jan 2016

Dec 2014 - present: Brutal Lexapro WD ear ringing/head ringing/head pressure lasting for 14 months now.

 

24 months SSRI-free  

Link to comment

 

oskcajga posted 01 June 2015 - 07:41 PM on Theon's thread:

 

You got that right!

 

I got sick from Prozac WD in 2003, I was in protracted withdrawal for three years, and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I did all medical tests, nobody could figure it out. My doctor didn't believe me. So I was never told that Prozac had harmed me so bad.

 

So years later, I went back on SSRIs, this time Lexapro.

 

When I went off Lexapro, I got hit hard with weird symptoms seven months after stopping. It was only then that I went on the Internet and figured out Lexapro was causing the strange, severe symptoms. I read other stories of people reporting exactly the same symptoms, months after stopping.

 

It was only then that I realized that Prozac had made me sick, so many years ago. It took me eleven years to find out what had made me so sick for so long in 2003.

 

Finally, it all made sense. And everything I have learned since then has only confirmed that it is these drugs that have caused my symptoms. There's just no doubt. So many people reporting the same thing, over and over. And all their doctors clueless too. Hard to believe. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't go through myself - twice. I am an engineer by education, I am science-minded. Once I had access to all the evidence, there was only one conclusion I could reach. The evidence is just overwhelming. I was so happy to finally figure out what made me so sick.  :lol:  But then of course I got very angry at my doctors!  :angry:  

 

And, I am healing exactly according to the windows and waves pattern of recovery. I'm getting better. I have no anxiety or depression.

 

I am basically my same old self now. The nerve damage I have from Lexapro - paresthesia of the brain manifesting as roaring tinnitus - is getting slowly better.

 

You're lucky to have more or less returned to your old self.  Like you, I also realized what was going on due to medication use early on in my life because of a bad experience with medications many years later.  It all made sense to me, after many years of suffering and blaming myself for my deficiencies.

 

It's all sad and tragic. 

 

I have some sort of parathesia of my brain, but also my trigeminal nerve and all of my peripheral nerves that is also slowly getting better but it's not quick enough and my life is going to complete shambles in the process.  It's very hard to not want to hurt myself, but I somehow just keep surviving one day at a time.  So hard.

 

I'm really happy to hear that you feel like you're going back to your old self.  It must be a great feeling to have.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

I too had my career cut short due to protracted SSRI WD. I too am predominantly academic, high achieving in the sciences, and had that capacity stunted by protracted SSRI WD and the damage caused to our brains by the use of SSRIs.

 

I'm pretty sure that use of these drugs has reduced my mental and physical capacity to some degree. 

 

It is good to feel largely like my old self because it reassures me that we all have a large capacity to heal.

 

I definitely have good reason to believe that much more healing is on the way. And I bet that the same holds for you. 

 

I know what it feels like to be in the darkest months and years of SSRI WD. Sometimes it seems that all is lost. And that is the nature of SSRI WD; it seems to take longer than a human can bear. Yet you can get all your thoughts together well, your brain is working well, and you are in there, intact, underneath your withdrawal symptoms. Once you accrue much more healing over the next months and years, you should see yourself in much better shape towards the end of the recovery process.

 

Have you seen these videos?

 

 

 

 

 

The most frustrating aspect of my experience with these medications is that I WAS well on my way to full recovery when I decided to smoke too much pot at a party (while coming down off 12.5mg of adderall) and just totally fried my CNS.  I have YET to recover from that wonderful decision (been 13 months now), and so the setback was almost too much for me to bear.

 

Amazingly, I've recovered probably 50-75% from that horrible experience (I can't even tell you all the crazy symtoms I experienced - but I was basically in a complete panic depersonalized state that doing much of anything was extremely hard).  So that gives me quite a bit of hope - but the whole thing has just left me SEVERELY rattled and at a loss (i.e., often want to kill myself).

 

Sort of feels like someone broke into my house, stole all my money - and then was in the process of paying me back like 50% of it - when suddenly another person breaks into my house, steals that 50% and then steals all of my furniture and sets all of my belongings on fire. 

 

I keep on plugging, somehow.  I enjoyed those videos.

Link to comment

Hi oskcajga

 

I read your story, it was interesting, you have been through A LOT. I don't know how you've managed to accomplish things in that state, I'm barely able to leave my apartment. You are a hero in my eyes. I'm sorry for your suffering but glad you are recovering. We all make stupid mistakes along the way,don't blame yourself. You'll be fine.

I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

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Oskcajga,

 

Reading many of the CT stories, I guess I should consider myself lucky that I do not go all the way down to zero in the initial attemp to taper. I was hit very bad at 2.5mg so I increased to 2.7 then stayed there for a year not knowing what to do and also knowing that I can not tolerate what I got at 2.5. I too was hurt the worst after another increase to 4.5 last year. I have been tapering super slow since then to get to the current 3.4. I can't really say I have been functional as most days I was only partially functional both in time and level of functionality. I believe what kept me going is the better hours in evenings. My symptoms,hysical, mental, and psychological all get mush less during majority evenings when I catch up with work, shopping, excercise etc. and get reenergized both physically and mentally. I believe I push myself harder too to do things even I feel very bad and unable, such as swimming I did almost every single day during evening. Whenever I have some better hours or minutes, I go for full action. I'm still at rather high dose now, I don't know what it gonna to be like in the future or next day, I learned to focus each day only, and live for it the fullest possible for what ever the condition I have. Knowing that long marathon to get rid of this poison, I tend to make these years leave some memories not completely defeated.

 

Wish you well!

Lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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  • 2 weeks later...

Oskcajga,

 

Reading many of the CT stories, I guess I should consider myself lucky that I do not go all the way down to zero in the initial attemp to taper. I was hit very bad at 2.5mg so I increased to 2.7 then stayed there for a year not knowing what to do and also knowing that I can not tolerate what I got at 2.5. I too was hurt the worst after another increase to 4.5 last year. I have been tapering super slow since then to get to the current 3.4. I can't really say I have been functional as most days I was only partially functional both in time and level of functionality. I believe what kept me going is the better hours in evenings. My symptoms,hysical, mental, and psychological all get mush less during majority evenings when I catch up with work, shopping, excercise etc. and get reenergized both physically and mentally. I believe I push myself harder too to do things even I feel very bad and unable, such as swimming I did almost every single day during evening. Whenever I have some better hours or minutes, I go for full action. I'm still at rather high dose now, I don't know what it gonna to be like in the future or next day, I learned to focus each day only, and live for it the fullest possible for what ever the condition I have. Knowing that long marathon to get rid of this poison, I tend to make these years leave some memories not completely defeated.

 

Wish you well!

Lex

 

I can empathize with your struggles.  I think that you're going to suffer no matter what, especially if you're suffering at such a slow taper.  I don't really think that increasing  your dose once you get to a low level is the action I would take if I were in your position.  I'd just get to a new low dose and never increase - your WD is going to happen no matter what.  We're talking about reversable brain damage that these drugs cause.  In some ways it might be dangerous to continually exposed to these drugs due to a taper that takes too long.

 

Ultimately it's up to you, but it seems like an excruciatingly awful task to cut pills or take liquid droplets and measure everything out for 7 years.  Even a 5% taper is extremely slow, but it would cut your time down dramatically.  Remember:  you're still funding the drug company every time you buy these drugs from the pharmacy.

 

You have much more patience than I do.  I couldn't wait to get the drugs out of my house, and I did a very fast taper (which is probably why I'm so messed up).  I couldn't bear to have the drugs around my life, but I suppose everyone is different.  

 

Honestly, if I were in your position I'd just drop .5mg every 1-2 months or so, and then be done with the stuff for good.  I don't think there's much of an advantage biologically to doing a 1% taper, because it sounds like you're still suffering a LOT.  If you're going to suffer,  you might as well be free of the drugs.  That's my thought process.

 

We're all in this together, all affected unjustly.  I wish you the best of luck, and 3.4mg isn't very much, hopefully you can get off soon.  Maybe you'll be able to go quicker and be free from the poison sooner than you think.  Who knows.  Do what makes you comfortable.  I support you.

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Hi oskcajga

 

I read your story, it was interesting, you have been through A LOT. I don't know how you've managed to accomplish things in that state, I'm barely able to leave my apartment. You are a hero in my eyes. I'm sorry for your suffering but glad you are recovering. We all make stupid mistakes along the way,don't blame yourself. You'll be fine.

 

Thank you for your reply, it meant a lot to me.  After reading a lot of the posts on this website, I have come to the conclusion that I could totally be homebound right now and basically never leave my bed if I was so disposed.  I leave the bed and do things in this world because...well I suppose it makes me feel a little better, maybe.  It acts as a distraction from otherwise wanting to just buy a gun and blow my brains out.  If I just laid in bed all day, that's exactly what I'd eventually do.  So I get up, go outside, do things around the house - anything, even pathetic things. 

 

I couldn't bear to be alive anymore knowing that I COULD be going outside and doing things, but instead I'm laying in bed - perhaps it's the contrast between my previous life and my current life that makes this even more dramatic.  I suppose I'm not SO damaged that I can't feel that level of ego, which means there's hope for me.

 

I drive back and forth between PA and NY to visit both of my parents.  I do all sorts of things I definitely shouldn't be doing.  Driving is very risky, and I often close my eyes because of the trigeminal nerve pain - but I do it anyways because I haven't gotten into an accident yet, so why not.  If I die in an accident, It wouldn't be much of a loss because my life is very miserable - but the fact that I haven't gotten into an accident yet means I probably won;t get into on ein the future.  I have this same sort of cavalier attitude towards WD - I just don't have THAT much to lose anymore, and I don't seem to be getting into any bad situations currently, so why not keep doign what I'm doing.   

 

 I got WD during a period in my life where I felt next to invincible, and was VERY successful in school (if only for a short period of time).  I excelled socially, and had a bunch of friends and a good life.  It was at my peak, really, that I was struck down by WD - and for some reason I've just been very persistant ever since, even through EXCRUCIATING wd.  If I had been a clerk at a shopping store, and had no future, I would definitely not have as much enthusiasm for bothering to try.  I suppose that I feel that if I can even get 50-75% healed, I could still live a very good life.  I'm at like 20-30% right now.

 

Perhaps I do things I shouldn't be doing because I still hold onto the hope that someday I'll be able to work and do soemthing with my life.  I still have excellent credit, and if I can ever work again, I could probably buy a house or something with that credit.  Therefore, I don't just say "screw it" and go deeply into debt or whatever.  I've always been an extremely stubborn person in some respects, and I've been able to survive difficult things before. 

 

From the beginning of this horrible experience 2 years ago, I thought that persistent outdoor activities, diet, and exercise would only help to acelerate the healing process.  I was both correct and incorrect - I got much better with exercise and diet, but I also found myself in awkward social situations, and eventually this lead to my demise (I had no social boundaries and this lead to too much drinking and smoking etc which strongly exacerbated my WD symptoms). 

 

I have no clue how much any of my "not bedridden" decision is helping, but I know that a couple of months ago I couldn't do anything much but now I'm able to do all sorts of intense  yard work activities for my parents.  I can't do much intellectually, but my quality of life is slowly improving.  This post is about the extent of my intellectual abilities, just to exemplify my limits.

 

One thing I KNOW that's happening, is that I'm accomplishing things on my life in spite of WD.  I got the degree, which was my major goal.  I managed my finances, moved across the country, and have now been working with my parents in the yard, trying to get my academic papers published, etc etc.  I'm still DOING things, and so if I just staying in my apartment from the beginning I would have definitely missed out on a lot of pain and suffering, but I'd be in a much worse position AFTER I recover.  I sort of always knew it was temporary, I suppose. Though it seems like it's going to last forever.  The feelings of suicide come when I exceed my capacity to do things:  Like when I was in grad school going through WD, I wanted to kill myself REALLY BADLY.  I'd walk to the top of parking structures and just sit there and fantasize.  Now I don't do things like that, mostly because I'm not being stretched beyond my intellectual capacity anymore, so I don't feel as bad as often.

 

Do you find that you CAN get out of the house and do things, or are you at the stage where you're too damaged to do even that?  It's summer now, so it's a perfect time to do things.  It also depends on what there is to do:  walking around a lot of people can be extremely stressful - whereas going outside into a yard and working on a garden in perfect isolation can be very rewarding, even for someone totally disabled.  If you can get out of the apartment, I'd encourage you to do so.  Maybe just walk to the nearest park and back.  That's exercise.

 

Good luck and I look forward to reading of your continued healing.

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Thank you for your thoughts!

I agree with you that we all have to go through WD. From reading others stories, I feel this super slow taper allows me holding on a full time job and taking care of daily routines which I have to maintain. I tried faster taper too, it disables me in a much higher level and the suffering is way too intolerable.

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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  • Administrator

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol



to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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  • 3 weeks later...

So I went to see a neurologist today and posted my experience on another thread:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9372-going-to-see-a-neurologist-next-week-any-suggestions/

 

Long story short:  He thinks that I have either MS or its stress/anxiety related.  He ordered a brain MRI, and an EEG (upon my request) and referred me to a psycotherapist for talk therapy in dealing with my issues.

 

Ultimately he said, "lets wait for the tests".  Based on my experience, it's either MS, or most likely anxiety and stress related issues".

 

so overall, I'm not sure what to think.  I am very hesistant to get the MRI with contrast - I got one back in November (without contrast) and it didn't show anything.  I'll definitely get the EEG.

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Very typical.

To tell you the truth, I stopped seeing doctors long time ago except for getting prsciriptions for the meds. I don't hunk you will see anything showing up wrong either on the MRI and/or EEG. I had both myself perfectly normal even I have tons of weird symptoms.

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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So I got a call today to see about possibly working as a scientist at a local big corporation.  I'm not sure how it's going to go, considering that I've lost much of the ability to function that I once had that made me competitive in the workplace.  I figure I'd just post this here and let you guys know.  My strategy is to just see how far I can get and do my best and see if my withdrawal symptoms and obvious disability make it possible to function in the world.  I definitely need the money, as I only have several hundred dollars left in my account to pay my bills at this point.

 

I don't know what to do, I'm sure they'll figure out that I'm not as smart as someone else who might be applying for a job that requires a PhD, but I might surprise myself. 

 

I figure if I can keep the job for 1 month (that might be stretching it, even), I can net 4-6k and survive for a year or so because I only spend $300-400 a month tops.  

 

I doubt I'll even get through the interview, but it wouldn't be the first inverview I've failed at because of withdrawals. 

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Thanks for letting us know.

You will be surprised how much you can do if you really push it! I am surprised how I made it in tha past years keeping a full time job but sometimes that demand actually drags me and keeps me moving instead of falling.

 

Good luck to your interview and everything following it.

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Good luck!

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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So I got a call today to see about possibly working as a scientist at a local big corporation.  I'm not sure how it's going to go, considering that I've lost much of the ability to function that I once had that made me competitive in the workplace.  I figure I'd just post this here and let you guys know.  My strategy is to just see how far I can get and do my best and see if my withdrawal symptoms and obvious disability make it possible to function in the world.  I definitely need the money, as I only have several hundred dollars left in my account to pay my bills at this point.

 

I don't know what to do, I'm sure they'll figure out that I'm not as smart as someone else who might be applying for a job that requires a PhD, but I might surprise myself. 

 

I figure if I can keep the job for 1 month (that might be stretching it, even), I can net 4-6k and survive for a year or so because I only spend $300-400 a month tops.  

 

I doubt I'll even get through the interview, but it wouldn't be the first inverview I've failed at because of withdrawals. 

 

Here is wishing you the very best luck!

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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Hi oskcajga

 

I read your story, it was interesting, you have been through A LOT. I don't know how you've managed to accomplish things in that state, I'm barely able to leave my apartment. You are a hero in my eyes. I'm sorry for your suffering but glad you are recovering. We all make stupid mistakes along the way,don't blame yourself. You'll be fine.

 

Thank you for your reply, it meant a lot to me.  After reading a lot of the posts on this website, I have come to the conclusion that I could totally be homebound right now and basically never leave my bed if I was so disposed.  I leave the bed and do things in this world because...well I suppose it makes me feel a little better, maybe.  It acts as a distraction from otherwise wanting to just buy a gun and blow my brains out.  If I just laid in bed all day, that's exactly what I'd eventually do.  So I get up, go outside, do things around the house - anything, even pathetic things. 

 

I couldn't bear to be alive anymore knowing that I COULD be going outside and doing things, but instead I'm laying in bed - perhaps it's the contrast between my previous life and my current life that makes this even more dramatic.  I suppose I'm not SO damaged that I can't feel that level of ego, which means there's hope for me.

 

I drive back and forth between PA and NY to visit both of my parents.  I do all sorts of things I definitely shouldn't be doing.  Driving is very risky, and I often close my eyes because of the trigeminal nerve pain - but I do it anyways because I haven't gotten into an accident yet, so why not.  If I die in an accident, It wouldn't be much of a loss because my life is very miserable - but the fact that I haven't gotten into an accident yet means I probably won;t get into on ein the future.  I have this same sort of cavalier attitude towards WD - I just don't have THAT much to lose anymore, and I don't seem to be getting into any bad situations currently, so why not keep doign what I'm doing.   

 

 I got WD during a period in my life where I felt next to invincible, and was VERY successful in school (if only for a short period of time).  I excelled socially, and had a bunch of friends and a good life.  It was at my peak, really, that I was struck down by WD - and for some reason I've just been very persistant ever since, even through EXCRUCIATING wd.  If I had been a clerk at a shopping store, and had no future, I would definitely not have as much enthusiasm for bothering to try.  I suppose that I feel that if I can even get 50-75% healed, I could still live a very good life.  I'm at like 20-30% right now.

 

Perhaps I do things I shouldn't be doing because I still hold onto the hope that someday I'll be able to work and do soemthing with my life.  I still have excellent credit, and if I can ever work again, I could probably buy a house or something with that credit.  Therefore, I don't just say "screw it" and go deeply into debt or whatever.  I've always been an extremely stubborn person in some respects, and I've been able to survive difficult things before. 

 

From the beginning of this horrible experience 2 years ago, I thought that persistent outdoor activities, diet, and exercise would only help to acelerate the healing process.  I was both correct and incorrect - I got much better with exercise and diet, but I also found myself in awkward social situations, and eventually this lead to my demise (I had no social boundaries and this lead to too much drinking and smoking etc which strongly exacerbated my WD symptoms). 

 

I have no clue how much any of my "not bedridden" decision is helping, but I know that a couple of months ago I couldn't do anything much but now I'm able to do all sorts of intense  yard work activities for my parents.  I can't do much intellectually, but my quality of life is slowly improving.  This post is about the extent of my intellectual abilities, just to exemplify my limits.

 

One thing I KNOW that's happening, is that I'm accomplishing things on my life in spite of WD.  I got the degree, which was my major goal.  I managed my finances, moved across the country, and have now been working with my parents in the yard, trying to get my academic papers published, etc etc.  I'm still DOING things, and so if I just staying in my apartment from the beginning I would have definitely missed out on a lot of pain and suffering, but I'd be in a much worse position AFTER I recover.  I sort of always knew it was temporary, I suppose. Though it seems like it's going to last forever.  The feelings of suicide come when I exceed my capacity to do things:  Like when I was in grad school going through WD, I wanted to kill myself REALLY BADLY.  I'd walk to the top of parking structures and just sit there and fantasize.  Now I don't do things like that, mostly because I'm not being stretched beyond my intellectual capacity anymore, so I don't feel as bad as often.

 

Do you find that you CAN get out of the house and do things, or are you at the stage where you're too damaged to do even that?  It's summer now, so it's a perfect time to do things.  It also depends on what there is to do:  walking around a lot of people can be extremely stressful - whereas going outside into a yard and working on a garden in perfect isolation can be very rewarding, even for someone totally disabled.  If you can get out of the apartment, I'd encourage you to do so.  Maybe just walk to the nearest park and back.  That's exercise.

 

Good luck and I look forward to reading of your continued healing.

 

 

Thank you for this, it is very inspirational.  I am seeing some signs of recovery in my own journey and I love hearing about others doing better; it somehow feels like we are all sharing the burden and successes together.

 

I am wishing you continued healing and good fortune!

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
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Today I felt "depressed" for the first time in a long while - well over a year since my symptoms relapsed.  I have also noticed that my hypersensitivity to things, such as fire smoke, popcorn, etc - things that used to not affect me whatsoever, has become more difficult to notice.  I've been able to enjoy sweets again too - as a result I've gained a little bit of weight.

 

So slow slow slow slow slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

 


I had a window about 6 months ago where virtually all of my symptoms began to disappear and I thought I was going to fully recover very quickly - that window then disappeared after about 10 minutes of bliss.  Then, I was back into this miserable state I've been in for some time.  Then about 3 months later I had another window, it wasn't as significant, and it lasted all of about 30-40 minutes, but I'd say 50% of all my symptoms immediately disappeared and I felt like a completely different person.

 

Having that window gave me a great deal of hope for a recovery at some point in the distant future.

 

I haven't had a window in about 3-4 months now, but I hope I get another one - it felt really good.

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I'm sure you will have longer and more frequent windows, osk.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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Osk,

 

I responded to your post regarding the "could be MS, could be anxiety" your neuro gave you on the other board. Then I came here to understand in depth. I am highly confident from reading your thread and your well-written posts that you don't have MS. Your symptoms are spot on for withdrawal and the improvement you have shown is not consistent, imo, with MS, even relapsing/remitting. Your story and symptoms are nightmarish but all too common. I have had some of your symptoms but not to the degree you (and others) have suffered.

 

Your attitude has been the right one -- convinced you will heal over some period of time so long as you are good to yourself. That is all the diagnosis you really need. Western medicine can't "fix" MS (although recent studies on fecal transplants hold promise) so all they would do is pump you full of immunosuppressants which would interact with the withdrawal.

 

Stay with your instincts. You are healing and will continue to do so.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Osk,

 

I responded to your post regarding the "could be MS, could be anxiety" your neuro gave you on the other board. Then I came here to understand in depth. I am highly confident from reading your thread and your well-written posts that you don't have MS. Your symptoms are spot on for withdrawal and the improvement you have shown is not consistent, imo, with MS, even relapsing/remitting. Your story and symptoms are nightmarish but all too common. I have had some of your symptoms but not to the degree you (and others) have suffered.

 

Your attitude has been the right one -- convinced you will heal over some period of time so long as you are good to yourself. That is all the diagnosis you really need. Western medicine can't "fix" MS (although recent studies on fecal transplants hold promise) so all they would do is pump you full of immunosuppressants which would interact with the withdrawal.

 

Stay with your instincts. You are healing and will continue to do so.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

It sounds like you know what you're talking about and I agree that it's most likely withdrawal.  Even if it were MS, it's not like there would be any treatment that wouldn't mess with my hyperesensitive nervous system.  MS seems to me like this condition that is debilitating to some people, but makes doctors and pharmaceutical companies a LOT of money.  Even if I were diagnosed with it, and they found lesions on my brain, etc, I wouldn't take the medication.  That's probably not the case, considering the pattern of my symptoms, but I wouldn't give those money loving scumbags a cent of my money.  Nature will just do its thing with me and that will be it.  I've learned my lesson about western medicine and pharmaceutical "treatments".

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On another note, it seems like a local industry is interested in interviewing me for some very prestigious positions at their institution.  To say I'm worried would be an understatement.  I was taking adderall for 7 years, and have never done any scientific work without taking that medication.  I have no adderall left, so I couldn't just start taking it to perform at my job.  I just went through like 9 hellish months of adderall withdrawal too - so I'm not in any rush to negate that progress.

 

I didn't really even apply to this job - they found my resume somewhere and have been contacting me consistently for months - on a whim, when I was feeling good, I suppose, I send a note indicating that I was interested - now the recruiter has me applied for 3 jobs after I answered his phone call yesterday.  Feels so risky.  People assume that I'm this fancy doctor who knows everything - and even people that understand my situation, assume that I'm this super smart person - but I'm not like that anymore - and it stresses me the heck out and makes me feel worse when people say things like that.   In my condition, it would have been very very easy for me to fail and not graduate.  I got some very very supportive faculty members to help me prepare my presentation, and I got some questions that I just happened to know the answer to before hand.  It was very fortunate - there was some skill involved obviously.  Also, a lot of adderall helped - I took 10-15mg a day to get me through that period - and I was able to do it. 

 

I have a lot of doubts whether or not I could hold down a job like that during withdrawals.  I sort of feel like the best course of action might be to go there, work for a few months, make something like 5-8 thousand dollars, and then they'll fire me because I'm just not as capable as I used to be.

 

I'm not even convinced I'll get through the interview.  I have no idea how I'm going to perform. 

 

I need to start waking up earlier than 12PM, but I have a very hard time getting enough sleep these days - sometimes I'll be up most of the night, tossing and turning, until my brain finally decides to dream.  Then, I'll wake up many hours later and I'll feel paralyzed - my hands will be completely numb because I put too much pressure on them while sleeping, and my skin feels like it's covered with wet paper bags.

 

How is one supposed to function with a condition like this?  But I NEED the money - If I can survive in this job for even a month, I'll be able to pay my bills for another year at least.

 

If I get fired or something before the 6 month contract expires, then I'll not be able to get work at that company again - and it's the only scientific employer in my entire area.  But I need to focus on today - I don't think it's the best idea, considering the severity of my situation, to worry about politics and future jobs down the road.

 

I still wake up with brain zaps - not giant brain zaps - the ones that knock someone onto their feet - but just little ones, with auditory noises to go along with it.  Sounds and feels like a quick electrical jab in my trigeminal nerve - and they go like crazy- say 20-50X some mornings - other mornings I have none at all.

 

I'll obviously let folks know what happens, but I'm quite worried.  80% of everything I learned is just gone - poof - no evidence of it in my brain.  I used to have such a superior working memory, and I'd be able to learn anything that anyone teaches me - now I can barely remember somethign someone told me a couple of minutes ago.

 

Hard to believe that I have all these symptoms from just 30mg of Cymbalta, and then 10mg of prozac combined with the lowest dose of tramadol.  Is there any way that a person can be any unluckier?  What the hell, life?

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