Jonesy3: Paxil, bring it! Ok, not really...

[Jonesy3]

Hello everyone!

 

I just wanted to introduce myself and get some insight. I know you guys read story after story, and I could explain all the brutal details of my suffering, but I have a feeling most of you already know so, I will try to make this short.

 

For context, I am now 28 years old.

 

At 13 years of age, my parents were going through a divorce and I was put on Paxil for panic disorder (after a couple of anxiety attacks). I was left on it and no one ever thought to try and take me off.

 

I lived 10 years on Paxil and was happy and healthy (I didn't really have life to compare it to though - so who knows if I was really as healthy as I could have been).

 

At 23 years old, I got pregnant and decided to get off the Paxil cold turkey. I'll let you imagine how that went The actual withdrawals probably lasted a couple of weeks, but then I moved into protracted withdrawal. I had no idea at this time what was going on. I knew nothing about SSRI's and just thought as I was going through copious amounts of stress and anxiety. And honestly, I think the pregnancy hormones actually helped my symptoms. After I had my daughter things became unbearable.

 

I was diagnosed with Hashimotos (autoimmune thyroid condition) and lived the next three years, from ages 24-26 bedridden, agoraphobic, 110 pounds. At this time, I still didn't connect this to the Paxil. I badges off meds by this time, for three years. I blamed everything on my thyroid condition and spent hours upon hours researching thyroid/adrenal fatigue.

 

At some point, I felt so hopeless and suicidal that I allowed a dr to put me back on the Paxil. And wouldn't you know... Within a few months, my body was being to make progress for the first time in years. I won't lie, the break from my hell was amazing. I began to finally make the connection to what happened in my life. I don't feel like I did the first 10 years I was on Paxil. I now have that extremely flat mood and am still dealing with some cortisol issues from the damage the cold turkey created in my body.

 

I have been back in the Paxil for two years now, and finally have put all the puzzle pieces together.

 

At this time, I would like to start a SLOW taper. I know that I read that someone did a four year taper successfully and didn't deal with withdrawal. I've lived that he'll and I don't want to ever go back.

 

Here are my questions:

 

1. Does my experience sound like protracted withdrawal?

2. What is a loooong taper someone might suggest? I already have a rx for liquid Paxil

3. When I got off cold turkey my cortisol flatlined. Will this happen again if I withdraw slowly?

4. Thinking far down the line, but at some point I would like to have another child. Is it possible to wean for a few years and then hold at whatever dose I'm at during pregnancy (hopefully under 5mcg) and then begin tapering again after baby? I know this isn't ideal but I don't know if I can wait four years...

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm stable now on Paxil 20mcg but ready to start my taper.

 

Lindsay

[Fresh]

Hi  Lyndsay ,  welcome to the site.   And thankyou for explaining your situation.

 

The point of tapering slowly is to avoid serious withdrawal symptoms.  You and your body will be the expert at what's

best/tolerable for you.

 

Try reading some threads in the Tapering section , "Why Taper By 10%"  and "Tips for Tapering off Paxil (paroxetine)".

There's no reason you can't do this taper in a safe way where you are in control.

 

Best wishes ,  Fresh

[ten0275]

lindsay, hey.

how are you holding up? it is really great that you are embarking upon this taper from a place of stability. the obvious goal is to proceed at such a rate that you maintain this stability and it sounds like you have the patience for that. perfect!

the responses you received in your "how long do taper symptoms last" thread were really good.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8825-how-long-do-taper-symptoms-last/

you're on-board with the cut 10% and hold 4-to-6 weeks model and that is really great.

correct me if i am wrong, but your biggest issue at this point appears to be low cortisol? the affects of withdrawal on cortisol tend to sway it one way or the other. while i can't tell you if a slow withdrawal will prevent your cortisol levels from flat-lining again, i am fairly confident that you will not suffer such an extreme fluctuation as you did when your cold turkey commenced. i say this from experience on the other end of the problem. that is to say, from the place of overabundant morning cortisol. before i was into the slow-and-low taper method, my morning cortisol was consistently high and the cause of much anxiety (sheer terror more like it) and suffering. the spikes were absolutely atrocious. but after stabilizing and starting a slow taper, i found that with each cut, the dose reduction's impact on cortisol felt markedly less in both duration and intensity. i have to think this would swing both ways. and at the end of the day, your body is seeking to find homeostasis and the cortisol response will correct as healing occurs across all systems.

i'm sure, based on your experience researching thyroid/adrenal fatigue, you're well acquainted with the importance of a clean diet, sufficient rest, and stress management/exercise. are you utilizing some of these things? how about caffeine intake? often in withdrawal, many of us have to abstain from caffeine. but in your case, moderate caffeine consumption might actually be quite helpful. i stress "moderate" however. caffeine increases cortisol secretion, but it is unsurprisingly prone to tolerance - partial tolerance, but tolerance nonetheless. i utilize caffeine in the form of black coffee (no redbulls for me!) now when i feel flat. it is helpful when symptoms of anxiety are not manifesting.

in terms of your desire to have another child - if that is something that you are considering further down the line, as in years from now as you've indicated, i'd say give yourself a solid year to see how the taper progresses. right now, you are in a good spot and i think paying close attention to each cut - knowing when to hold and when to drop - is the essential. so much of what you describe - the liquid paxil, your current stabilization, and your willingness to be patient and forbearing in your withdrawal this time around would suggest you are in a very good position to be off paxil for keepsies. if it were me, i'd give it a solid year of withdrawal experience before i started looking at the what-if's of another little one. it's just too hard to say at this point where you will be when you decide to move forward with your family expansion.

anyway, welcome. i think you are fairly well-acquainted with the site at this point, so utilize the resources and support as you need. this thread, your introduction and personal thread, is a great place to check in and update and query. keep us in the loop. i'll check back.

hang in there!

dave

[Jlynn]

Hi, Just checking in to see how you are doing and hoping all is well!

[Jonesy3]

Hey guys! Just wanted to check in! Did my first drop from 20mcg to 18 and held for a month and did great! Just made second cut to 16.8mcg. First withdrawal symptoms started creeping in around day 5 after cut. Overall, I would consider them mild, foggy brain, hungover type feeling and sleepy. It's now my third day of feeling effects. How much longer can I expect them to last? Maybe I will even just do a 5% cut next month. Definitely not feeling terrible, but even feeling a smidge of these feelings takes me back to where I used to be with my CT and scares me!

[mammaP]

Glad you are doing ok Jonesy, the symptoms will subside in time, it is a good idea to do 5% next time as you said to avoid withdrawal symptoms. Wait until you've been stable for a few weeks before making another cut to be sure you are ready. Some people need to take it a bit slower than others but everyone gets there in the end however slow it has to be! 

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Jonesy.

 

If those withdrawal symptoms don't go away after 3 days, you may wish to updose slightly, maybe to 17mg?, and count on a 5% taper. You may be a person who is very sensitive to dosage changes.

[nz11]

Hi Jonesy3,

Be careful what you wish for ..you definitely do not want to 'bring it on' when it comes to ssri wdl.

 

I totally agree with the others to slow the taper to 5%

 

This is a thread i highly rec you have a look at by mapleleafgirl and how she got off paxil after 3 crashes and a successful taper .

 

Note how she came out of the gate very slow i believe that is key esp for long term users. She explains in #7.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7812-mapleleafgirl-successfully-tapered-off-paxil/ 

 

I calculated her average taper and it was 6% of the previous dose per month. But she in fact on some occasions held for longer than a month.

 

You can do it.

[Jonesy3]

Question for you guys! I went from 20mcg to 18 last month and did fine. This month I went from 18 to 16.8 and started having some mild withdrawal around day 5 after lowering. It is now day 9 from cut and I am still feeling off. I don't feel horrible, I would say a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. Should I bump up to 17.5ish or just ride it out? How long can I expect stmptoms to persist? Mainly fatigue, a bit of insomnia, and just feeling off. TIA!

[bluebalu86]

Hi Jonesy and welcome to the forum.

 

You have been through a lot. Take your time to taper really slowly and gradually and you should be fine. I wish you much success with your taper. Make it as slow as you need it to feel stable.

[Altostrata]

Jonesy, over the 9 days, have your symptoms gotten better? It could be that this time around, you could just hold until you feel okay, not have to updose. Then you might taper at 5%.

[Jonesy3]

Symptoms aren't getting worse, but not a ton better. Like I said, they aren't miserable, but it just scares me because when I cold turkey'd I continued to get worse and worse as the months passed. I know this will be different but I have just never tapered and want to avoid witgdrawal as much as possible.

[Altostrata]

I would give 17mg a try and see what happens. You'd be surprised what a tiny bit more could do.

[Jonesy3]

Will I get any startup reactions if I do that?

[Jonesy3]

Anyone have skin rashes while they are tapering? Is this my body trying to detox? I've never had any skin issues before.

[Jonesy3]

Bump

[nz11]

I do recall once going to the doctor because i had developed a rash ...it was kind of red patches and over my stomach and back ...it was during the time i was on paxil although not sure when. I may have been tapering or ri-ing not sure. Seemed to go away after a little while. Never had that prior to the drugs - doc just gave me some lotion and sent me home.

I didnt for a moment think it was due to the drug. I am now only just wondering afresh what caused it as i see others now talking of rashes.

[Jonesy3]

Hello everyone!

 

So, I have been tapering from 20mcg of Paxil (with the liquid) since April 2015. I am now down to 16mcg. So, far I am doing fine as far as withdrawal, as I have been going extremely slow... about 5% a month.

 

I CT'ed off of Paxil in the fall of 2009 and never made the connection as to what was making me so ILL (I was extremely naïve). I lived until summer of 2012 completely off of meds. Unfortunately, my health continued to decline and I NEVER made improvement. It wasn't until the summer of 2012 that I made the connection and got back on the paxil. The horrible symptoms I had lived with every minute of my life disappeared within a few weeks.

 

However, this time on Paxil, I am so NUMB. Feel no happiness, joy or feel anything for that matter! For that reason, I want off.

 

I have two questions:

 

1. For those that have gone through the long, slow taper, when did your numbness lift? Was it somewhere in the taper or was it not until you were completely off?

 

2. Have those of you that have been here for awhile (or on Paxil Progress) noticed a connection between thyroid problems and abrupt withdrawal from ssri's? I developed Hashimoto's during my cold turkey and still have a hard time regulating my thyroid. Oddly enough, I don't have many of the typical low thyroid symptoms. It is my belief that the ssri jacks up your cortisol so much, that the thyroid is impacted. Thoughts on this?

 

Thanks everyone!

 

Lindsay

[Altostrata]

Jonesy, I think the answer to your first question is "it varies."

 

In your second, you've made an interesting observation. I don't know if anyone has made this connection. Coincidentally, when I was going through acute withdrawal, I had the first signs of Hashimoto's in test results. So far, I have no symptoms, so I haven't made any attempts to "regulate" my thyroid.

[Toulouse]

Jonesy3,  good luck with your taper journey. I am currently tapering as well.  (and also getting rashes/hives with my taper).  When I went down from 20 to 10mg, I had a good month of clarity, where I got my emotions back, I was able to feel what I had been missing all these years on Paxil.  Though I've been in sort of a fog since tapering down to 5 and then 2.5-ish,  that brief moment of clarity is what I use to remind myself that this will all be worth it when it's over.  I hope that the numb/fog lifts soon after reaching that 0.mg mark.  Best wishes in your tapering