Sunnydays: 11 months off 16 years of ssri (CT)

[Sunnydays]

Hello everyone.

I found this site a few months ago but only now do I feel I have the mental strength to write anything remotely coherent. I am in no way recovered but I hope my story offers some encouragement to those in acute withdrawal particularly those who cold turkey.

As a teenager I suffered anorexia, I was hospitalised several times and things got pretty serious. This was back in the 90s and there was not the specialised care available that there is today. The professionals tried there best but did not know really what to do with me. This went on for years I would put weight on to loose it again, my poor parents suffered terribly. Eventually some bright spark suggested a antidepressant, I was 5 stone and eating nothing and I believe I did not metabolise the drug properly. I became a zombie which frustrated me more as I could not exercise. Roll on 2 years and at 18 I started to improve I gained some weight went back to college but I could fine no happiness in life, I felt flat, empty with little enthusiasm and basically wanted to sleep constantly. Looking back I did not feel depressed I could still work and function I just felt flat and lonely. Anyway on my Drs advise I began seroxat I think it was 20mg but not sure. I took this for 4 years, I have to say it did help I became less withdrawn and got more joy from life, but I had regular periods of unexplained illness, I would became almost chronically fatigued for days on end unable to do anything but sleep.

I'm trying to cut this shorter so I will summarise. Seroxat was hell to come off, I tried several times and ended up doing a cold turkey which was rough very rough ( although my standards on rough have recently widened ) It took but 6 weeks to get any improvement but even then I cried constantly and My Dr put me on prozac and lorazepam for the sleeplessness. A week later and I mean a week I had gone from crying all day everyday unable to do much at all to, up at 7am
In the gym then off to work, the change was unbelievable and my Dr was slapping his self on the back and I was beside myself with happiness.

Roll on 5 years.. I'm still doing great Iv cut down to a prozac every other day and changed lorazepam to diazepam but I only take very small amounts of this maybe 5mg a week.

Roll on another 3 years I'm in prozac 20mg every 3 days and same amount of diazepam. I'm ok but get more anxious and worried about stuff but I'm working and functioning ok.

2014 I decided the prozac is done I'm happy I'm working I have 2 kids I don't need 7ish mg of prozac. My Dr says just stop your virtually off it anyway worse you will get if flu like symptoms. So I do.

I remember a few days after stopping feeling fantastic so relaxed happy and full of joy.

Roll on 2 months and I start to get very stressed with the kids I tenner throwing a plate at the wall and just standing there and crying. I felt angry all the time and I'm the most placid person in the world.

Roll on another 2 months and things start to get serious I can't sleep I toss and turn all night, I'm stressed and angry 24-7.

6 month after stopping prozac the sh@t really hits the fan. My whole world turns. I won't go into all the symptoms as from reading on the site I know you have felt them. These are the top 5 though

# fear ( I will not use anxiety as it does not convey the true horror of this feeling. A word has yet to be invented to describe it)
# severe agitation ( maybe akathesia )
# severe insomnia nights on end without sleep and massive muscle jerks
# severe depression and it brought it's friends DP DR and SI
# severe neck pain, ear pressure, jaw pain

To basically stop you all dropping off I got no breaks for 5 months. I narrowly avoided involuntary hospital admission. I also had a massive reaction to another AD I think it was cirtralopram.

After 7months after acute and nearly a year after CT, Im starting to see some improvement and you cannot wipe the smile of my face when i do. It does not last long, the max I have had is 5 days and I still have very poor sleep but I genuinely thought I was the one that would never get a window.

There is hope all you have to do is wait.

[Frustrated]

Thank you for sharing.  I hope I see improvement at 11 months too.  I am 9 and a half months out and miserable still.  Pain and anxiety seems to be worse not better.  It gives me some hope that things may turn around in the next couple months for me too. OH haha and welcome to the site.

[luv2knit]

Welcome, Sunnydays. I'm almost 9 months off a much too fast taper (basically cold turkey) after 20 years on Zoloft. I got through a 4-month flare, an even worse 6-month flare, had a day or two window a few times, and am now back down in the pit again. I too hope for some sign of improvement some time soon. I have a number of symptoms, but the nonstop akathisia (along with SI) is the worst. After some improvement, my insomnia has come back full force as well.

[clearday]

Hi,

 

I also cold turkeyed off Prozac, and took awhile to recover. If you want, you can read my Prozac story, post #17 on Feb. 7th in my thread:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8148-%E2%98%BC-clearday-off-prozac-12-yrs-off-lexapro-1-yr/

 

Good luck to you as your symptoms slowly improve over time.

[Sunnydays]

Thank you everyone

 

I truly hope I'm coming out of the worst

 

Luv2knit I understand the torture of akathesia and I still get it now. Long car journeys or sitting for long periods are almost painful with the need to move.

 

I still struggle with the depression, I can be talking or walking and be struck so hard with a feeling of complete and utter despair that it takes my breath away but I am hopeful this will improve I'm time.

 

As Winston Churchill one said " if your going through hell, keep going"

[Sunnydays]

I wonder if anyone has had treatment for restless leg syndrome. I suffer terribly with it since stopping ssri, I feel it all day as well but it is much worse at night and I also feel it in my arms not just calves.

[luv2knit]

SD--Is it actually restless legs, or is it physical symptoms of akathisia? In my experience, there are both physical and psychological symptoms of akathisia, and the physical is much like restless legs all over your body.

[mammaP]

Hi Sunnydays, welcome to SA. Thank you for sharing your story, it is terrible how people suffer trying to get off these drugs and doctors just don't know anything about withdrawal.  

 

I am glad that you are seeing better days now, and hope that you will continue to get better and better.  

I also suffer with restless legs at times and it is worst at night when my legs just will not keep still and really ache badly. Someone here suggested a bar of soap, I'd read about it before but was sceptical. I tried it last night and it did seem to help, my legs were not as bad as usual but no-one seems to know how or why it works! I put the soap in a sock and kind of play with it, roll it around with my feet. I've always rubbed my feet together in bed, even as a toddler so it is easy for me to 'play' with the soap. It's worth a try! 

[Sunnydays]

Hi luv2knit thanks for the reply

 

I'm not sure, I'm definitely not as agitated as I was in early withdrawal but I feel the need to move almost constantly, I can force myself to be still for short periods of time but it's tough, it's worse in my calves and arms, I will wake after a couple of hrs sleep with such a desperate need to move my legs it is painful. It's also worse when my period is due not sure if that is relevant.

[Sunnydays]

Thanks mammap I'm off to the shop to buy soap x

[clearday]

I wonder if anyone has had treatment for restless leg syndrome. I suffer terribly with it since stopping ssri, I feel it all day as well but it is much worse at night and I also feel it in my arms not just calves.

 

I had restless legs for a year or so during bedtime after CT Prozac. It's a type of akathisia. It went away eventually.

[Sunnydays]

Thanks CD

 

Will resist the medication the dr suggested. I never had it prior so hopefully will leave on it's on accord.

[JanCarol]

Hey Sunny, welcome to SA!

 

It sounds like you have been through so much - and you have found a place where people believe you.  We know it's the drugs, we don't doubt that for a second (unlike most health professionals).

 

Another thing that people do for restless legs is magnesium.

If you can get topical magnesium chloride oil, you can put it directly on the restless legs.

 

Taking it orally is a good possibility, too.  Be sure to get a good magnesium, like magnesium chelate of some sort, as is it better absorbed (I'm fancy, I take Mag Glycinate, and a wee bit of Mag l-Threonate at night).  It is a muscle relaxant, and it also helps your neurons heal.

Magnesium

 

Another one that is good for healing neurons and smoothing the nervous system is fish oil.  Omega-3 fish oil

 

Have a read of these, and see if you can find some answers.  Be aware, that people in withdrawal are very unique and can have paradoxical reactions to anything, especially stimulating things like certain amino acids, or B vitamins.

 

You are wise not to listen to the Doc on this one - he would give you an anti-seizure medicine like Neurontin or Lyrica, and then you'd have a new taper to do, all over again.  I don't think that is what you want (there are people here tapering anti-seizure drugs, too)

 

Welcome!  You've come to the right place, and there is so much information here for you to use in your healing, and taking charge of your own care.

 

I'll give you one more, just because it's so good:

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Take care!

[Sunnydays]

Thanks jancarol

 

I'm allergic to fish but I have purchased some magnesium today I think it was citrate.

 

I'm due back to work this coming week after almost 9 months off. I'm getting very very anxious about it, not because I don't want to go but I'm so scared I'm not ready, I still feel so poorly some days. I have to try though as my finances are looking as tired as my eyes these day.

Thank you for the links and the kind words

[LoveandLight]

Good luck back to work

[Sunnydays]

Thank you loveandlight x

[Sunnydays]

Thank you loveandlight x

[Addax]

Hi Sunnydays. Welcome to SA! I am currently tapering from Prozac. I've been on the drug for most of the last 25/26 years after being prescribed it for Bulimia as a teenager.

 

I wanted to comment on some of what you said in your last post...

 

I'm allergic to fish but I have purchased some magnesium today I think it was citrate.

I'm due back to work this coming week after almost 9 months off. I'm getting very very anxious about it, not because I don't want to go but I'm so scared I'm not ready, I still feel so poorly some days. I have to try though as my finances are looking as tired as my eyes these day.

There are Vegan versions of Omega 3 (which typically comes from fish or krill oils). They are derived from seaweed. They are much less potent, so you would have to take more, but it might be a good alternative for you. Just make sure it contains both EPA and DHA. Many vegan supplements only contain DHA. Walnuts and flaxseed might be good things to encorporate into your diet as well,mbut they're not sufficient as a complete supplement for omega-3.

 

I completely get the nervousness of going back to work. I've been working from home for nearly 2 years and will be returning to regular work and work hours in about a month. Don't be surprised if your symptoms feel stronger while you anticipate going back to work. Stress can do a number on us during withdrawal since our symptoms are tied into to our stress response. I say "anticipation" because I'm betting that after you're first day or two you'll find the anticipation is much worse than the actual event. Just take care of yourself and be gentle to yourself, and don't skip breakfast! That's important because the drop in blood sugar associated with being hungry can ramp up cortisol, that damn stress hormone. I think It's best if you can incorporate some protein in breakfast. Also, I've kept magnisium in my purse just-in-case.

 

Your body may take some time to adjust to the added stress of going back to work, but it will adjust, so don't get down if you feel more tired than you're used to or it feels like some of your symptoms feel stronger... You WILL adjust. Of course, as I mentioned earlier, you may feel perfectly fine once you're no longer anticipating what it will be like, and actually doing it :-). Anticipation is my Achilles heal, and what I anticipate is almost always much worse than what actually occurs. Our brains can be big jerks when we're in withdrawal. In fact, mine has turned into a complete A**hole at times.

 

Keep us updated on how things go!

[Sunnydays]

Addax

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to write. It was really comforting as I don't know why I am getting so wound up, I have not slept for 3 nights imaging walking info the office and having to concentrate for long periods of time it very scary. To be fair to my boss he has been very understanding and has said I can take breaks whenever I want.

 

I have just purchased some seriphos from amazon to see if it helps with sleep. I have also just added a large bag of almonds, my daughter would not let me buy walnuts she says they look like brains!

 

Thank you again

[Sunnydays]

Has anyone noticed sugar makes agitation worse? I thought I was imaging it but I have defineltly noticed a link. This afternoon I was feeling fairly calm watching TV, I shared some cake with my daughter and I have been anxious tighte chested and agitated all afternoon

[coldturkmama]

I find certain foods trigger me as well. Unfortunately, I crave sugar/carbs really badly in WD.

[Petunia]

Welcome from me too Sunnydays,

To answer your question about sugar, yes, many of us find we do much better by cutting out sugar, or reducing it as much as possible.

 

Some people also find that in withdrawal, symptoms are increased by alcohol, caffeine and spicy or processed foods.  Keeping notes of your symptoms and what you eat can help you to identify your own trigger foods.

 

Please would you put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

[btdt]

Welcome Sunnydays I am glad you well enough to type now.  I can recall a time I could not do this in my cold turkey life... so here is to the smile may it come and stay one day and symptoms be a thing of the past. 

peace

[Sunnydays]

Struggling at work guys. I feel like I have gone back a month as far as symptoms go.

 

Another question if possible, my doctor has given me some tramadol for back pain Iv struggled with for years, I am completely phobic of any meds I struggle to swallow paracetamol since withdrawl and I have not taken it yet. I'm told it will help me relax which is tempting me but I cannot take the risk of going back to acute after coming so far. Any advise ?

[btdt]

I did try a med for the legs but reacted to it ... reacted to the mag too. 

 

Here is my thing for it heating pad in the bed hot and cold packs some times... I know not what you want to be doing all night but lets face I was not sleeping anyway.  

 

Rubs deep heat rub is popular but I found the cold rub better even it I had to keep reapplying it and absorbing junior not sure what is in it but I really like it best I still have aching legs mostly just the one so this has never gone completely away for me not ever.  Weather seems to play a part... hot baths help sometimes and not others. 

 

Sometimes they hurt so bad I want to cry then I take a pain pill...I know you don't want to do that this early in but at 7 years out... I cave take the stupid pill some times. 

 

peace

[Sunnydays]

Hi

Can anyone in the know give me some advise.

 

I'm seriously considering reinstating a tiny amount of prozac. I had been having some slightly better days at the beginning of this month, but the last week has been horrendous, terrible insomnia, vertigo ( I have even been Referred to a neurologist ) tinnitus, full ears,very painful jaw, neck and shoulder pain, severe headache. I have been very teary and panicky as well.

 

Really my question is is 11 months too late ? I read somewhere that after so long " all bets are off " as to if you will have success or not. ? Has anyone had benefitted after 11 months ?

[bluebalu86]

Can anyone explain what "SI" means?

[Pugknows]

Suicidal Ideation, BB.

 

Sunny, 11 months is a long time off for reinstatement. Almost like taking a new drug that may go sideways on you. Do you think you can hang on a couple more weeks before doing anything?

 

I know you just want relief, but you'll be throwing a drug at your nervous system that's been working so hard for so long to try to find its normal drug-free life.

 

I'm a CT, so I know nothing about reinstatement or tapering a drug that was making me deathly ill. I've had a very rough WD, but I wouldn't throw more drugs at my brain, no matter how bad it gets. I'm 6.5 months off all meds. Early phases still. Lot's of endless suffering every day with no windows. My time of peace and nerve stability will come and so will yours.

 

Try not to make a decision today. Hold off at least until tomorrow. Love and prayers to you. Pug

[clearday]

Hi

Can anyone in the know give me some advise.

 

I'm seriously considering reinstating a tiny amount of prozac. I had been having some slightly better days at the beginning of this month, but the last week has been horrendous, terrible insomnia, vertigo ( I have even been Referred to a neurologist ) tinnitus, full ears,very painful jaw, neck and shoulder pain, severe headache. I have been very teary and panicky as well.

 

Really my question is is 11 months too late ? I read somewhere that after so long " all bets are off " as to if you will have success or not. ? Has anyone had benefitted after 11 months ?

 

Sorry I can't help you with reinstatement advice. I also CT'd and by the time I got hit with delayed withdrawal, it was too late to reinstate.

 

I can tell you that I have been through the brutal "delayed onset insomnia wave" and it cleared up after a couple months, and I sleep great ever since.

 

But I still have the full ears and tinnitus now for five months. It is very challenging but it is dynamic and there have been real improvements. Lots of stuff going on in there. It was bad in my right ear for four months, that cleared up and now it is mostly in my left ear. So repair work is in progress, it just takes a long time.

 

I was very tempted to take tiny amounts of Lexapro to reduce the severity of withdrawal during difficult times. Then I thought about the fact that Lexapro caused the damage in the first place, and I decided to hunker down for the long haul and get as much distance away from this poison as I can. SSRIs are very powerful drugs even in small amounts. I want my body to readjust to life off these SSRI drugs once and for all. But that's just me. Reinstatement helps a lot of people. And for others, it throws a monkey wrench into the recovery process.

 

It's a tough decision, and I wish you the best of luck regardless of what you choose. I hope others here with reinstatement experience will help you.

 

In case you haven't read the thread about reinstatement, here it is:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7562-about-reinstating-and-stabilizing-to-reduce-withdrawal-symptoms/

[luv2knit]

I am 9 months out, a much too rapid taper (basically CT) afyer (Oops!!)

[luv2knit]

Sunny, I am 9 months out, a much too rapid taper (basically CT) after 20 years. When I first saw your story, I was extremely encouraged. That being said, at 3 months out, I was faced with the decision of whether to consider reinstatement. One of the primary questions I asked myself was whether I had seen ANY improvement. I felt I had, and decided against RI. No one can make that decision for you, but that is one thing you might want to consider. Either way, it is a difficult journey. Reinstatement is not a magic cure--especially this far out. Good Luck, whatever you decide.

[Sunnydays]

Pugknows and clearday- thank you so much it made me quite emotional again reading your replys. I have always been someone who looks after there body and to think It is struggling so much and there is nothing I can do is upsetting. I am going to try and wait it out, I cry buckets watching other people moving around so freely, running, walking, playing with there children and at the moment I have to think about every movement I make. I must try not to feel sorry for myself. Thank you for the support it means the world to me

[Sunnydays]

Luv2knit- I really thought I had this thing on the run, I definitely saw improvement, me being me though I did push myself. As soon as I had a better day I was off trying to do things I was doing before walking miles and long shopping trips.

 

I think as humans we process feelings in real time as soon as we feel some relief we are convinced we will not be ill again and the same goes when we are ill.

 

The insomnia makes everything feel ten times worse, when I do try to sleep I have terrible jerks that literally lift me off my bed. Not pleasant at all.

 

We will all improve x

[clearday]

Yes, exactly, I had hundreds of "hypnotic jerks" at bedtime preventing me from sleeping for hours during my insomnia wave. Horrible.

 

The jerks slowly subsided over two months and never came back. Once they went away, I sleep better now than during all five years while on Lexapro. I get much better restorative sleep now that I am off Lexapro. Apparently, the insomnia wave was my body restoring natural sleep rhythms.

 

On the worst nights I would use a tiny amount of Xanax to bump me into sleep. That really helped me. Then I got off the Xanax no problem.

 

The ear ringing is always worse at bedtime and upon waking. Yet amazingly I get adequate sleep. 

 

Me too, I look around at everyone living life without daily suffering and I feel left out. We are in the fight of our lives. I have to recommit to the battle on a daily basis. As time goes by, we get better at fighting the battle. We get used to the pattern, once it settles into a pattern. Still, always a challenge. Despair happens - it is part of withdrawal - and renewed hope happens.

 

Yet I do sports, go running, do a lot of things, and enjoy life. I had a great six-day window a couple weeks ago. It was all me, no drugs. More of that to come!

 

The "full ears", or head pressure, is accompanied by the tinnitus. The times when this head pressure reduces, the tinnitus reduces and gets muffled. And I feel more normal, the slight veil between me and the environment lifts. As this slowly subsides over the next few months and year or so, I have good reason to expect a return of something resembling normalcy. There are many stories of recovery, and some take two or three years.  So, I have no choice but to ride the waves and windows. 

[Sunnydays]

Clearday

 

You sound so positive, it has made me get out my bed and face another day. I had a terrible night, some very strange sensations that I have not had before, at times feeling very heavy like I would fall through the bed, tiny noises ( a cat outside) sounded incredibly loud almost painful. I tossed and turned for hours exhausted but unable to find sleep, too anxious to get out of bed and walk the strange feeling corridor of my flat. I eventually fell in to some kind of toxic haze type sleep, felt like I was swimming through mud half awake half asleep. I got out of bed to go to the toilet and had to hold the walls to stay stable.

 

I'm so glad you exercise now, exercise was very important to me, I will never forget the feeling of a hard workout then relaxing on the sofa to watch a film with my babies. The day that comes back you will never able to wipe the smile from my face. How long before you could workout clearday ? X

[clearday]

For some reason, I've always been able to workout. I would avoid it if fatigue was too great, but when I felt strong I would get to the gym or go running.

 

With this head pressure/full ears/tinnitus, I too have had some very strange brain sensations at night before sleep, upon waking up in the middle of the night, and upon waking up in the morning. Sometimes it is "brain bubbling", or bumping inside the head; sometimes a brain zap. Once it felt like all the connections in my brain were disappearing one by one, that happened only once, it was scary, and others on here have reported similar sensations. Another time I had the weirdest experience of all, it was like a vivid dream, but much more clear. I was staring face down in my bed with my eyes closed but I could clearly see a well lit room filled with details, all HD-3D. Only happened once, but it was very strange. 

 

These strange brain sensations at night were infrequent and have slowly diminished over the last five months.

 

I have also had the sensitivity to sounds during this type of withdrawal. I believe it is our nerves which are hyper-sensitive at this time. The tinnitus is the result of this hypersensitivity; the sound we "hear" is a phantom sound generated by hyper-sensitive nerves in our brain which send the signals to our auditory cortex, making us think we are hearing something. Our nerves are hyper-sensitive because the SSRIs have been withdrawn, and they are used to functioning with the SSRIs. The nerves just need a lot of time to adjust, heal, and eventually calm down.

 

I also had a couple days where I felt like I was "on the doorstep of panic". I never had anything close to panic attacks in my life. This feeling of near panic during this withdrawal is a type of mental akathisia, commonly reported by others on here. Luckily I only had it a couple times and it went away. It usually happened in response to a substance (e.g. cigar or caffeine), highlighting that our nerves are just extra sensitive at this time. I was extra sensitive to substances and stress for about two months, so I avoided substances for awhile. For the last two months I am no longer sensitive to substances. So I am healing.  

 

Here is a great recovery story, it's definitely worth reading:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/3523-success-recovery-from-protracted-zoloft-withdrawal-and-pssd/