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FeelingMellow: 3 years after Citaploram 10mg (took for 1 year) and still not feeling right


FeelingMellow

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FeelingMellow

Hello,

I came across this forum a few times while searching for information about my situation. After going through some posts I thought it might be a good idea to tell my story and see if anybody has any direction I might try. I apologize for the long post, but honestly even after writing all this down there's even more I didn't write about...

 

The past 4 years of my life have been quite a turmoil. Lost my mother to cancer, failed startup in which I lost quite a sum of money going into, got my own share of cancer and surgery, lost my cat to skin cancer and was forced to put her down. Add to that a life-long difficult management of untreated OCD, ADHD and treated thyroid issues in which all eventually brought me to a psychologist who recommended trying SSRI (Citaploram). Boy was that a mistake.

 

At first the SSRI... was pretty incredible. The first couple of weeks were maniac in the sense that I would sing and dance to myself and the general feeling of "there is no tomorrow to think about" was releasing to my normally overly active brain. I thought it was good, I thought I finally found a tool I can use to make my life better...

 

But it came at a cost... One which was too big for me to spend on that "feel good" mental state. It took me a while to realize that my ability to experience life was slowly diminishing. Slowly turning into this odd, grey, lifeless, tasteless, emotionless state of mind. I was never a super happy kind of person, but before I took SSRI I definitely had a much more vivid experience of all my senses and life was much much different. I realized that I was feeling "better" because there was much less noise to disturb me in my every day activities. It wasn't a good feeling at all, it was simply the lack of a bad one. It even screwed up my internal temperature regulation, I used to be able to go outside in the middle of winter in underpants and feel great while in summertime feel way too hot. Now It's been reversed completely. I can't stand cold anymore and warm weather feels great. I could live with this but this drug had obviously done changes to my body. These symptoms persist to this day and these are only the ones I am aware of...

 

So after about a year on it I tapered off Citaploram for about 2 months, it was horrible, I had a lot of brain zaps and an overall feeling that my life is slipping away, almost killed myself at one point but lucky for me I didn't.

 

But that was nothing compared to what I'm experiencing now. I am "better" now than when I was on SSRI, but nowhere near what I was before it. My baseline of cognitive experience of life had decreased to about half or so of what it was. For example my eye sight IS 20/20, but everything seems like it's blurry and disturbed. I can read letter from far away but at the same time they seem blurred. My sense of smell is great, but I get no emotional response from smelling something I like. My sense of touch (especially during sex) had become dull and almost as if I'm not feeling, yet at the same time I don't have any issues with doing every day stuff (I don't tend to drop things). Reaching an orgasm with a partner is difficult. I was depressed for a long time until I realized that I'm basically depressed over absolutely nothing. I'm financially stable, work-out, got a great job that I was dreaming of my whole childhood and it pays well, bought an apartment, etc. Life is supposed to be great but it isn't. It's like I'm a bystander of this theatrical thing that's called life and nobody's inviting me to join in for the fun.

 

If I could compare it to anything, it's like the body is fine on its own but the internal sensor that's supposed to experience it has been blocked.

 

Another thing I recently came to realize is that the way my memory works had changed drastically. It's more difficult for me to remember old things and I don't remember much at all from anything over a few months ago (I often think that something happened just a year ago when it actually happened 5 or more ago). I used to have an almost photographic long term memory, I could remember smells, sounds, visuals. For example finding where I parked my car was never an issue, I would remember the exact path I took and everything. It took me a while to realize this was a thing now. I still have memories, but they're much less clear and vivid now.

 

Now I would probably not be very much aware of this if it weren't for the occasional "blips" I get. I call them blips because they're sudden, unwarranted and pass after a couple of seconds. While on these blips I am suddenly normal, I get this rush of emotional feeling and for a few seconds life turns HD again. Honestly speaking often the frame rate of my eye sight becomes HD as well. It's due to these blips that I know what my brain is capable of experiencing and in those moments I remember exactly how I used to feel. When they're gone I forget, but the memory of the experience remains.

 

------

 

After discovering my own cancer (now "cured" through surgery) and basically feeling like I'm about to lose my mind I went to a psychologist for 24 sessions which was basically pointless. He couldn't understand what I was going through and the solutions he offered (breathing exercises) proved pointless too. Talking about it just made it worse. He thought I was depressed from the cancer which I wasn't (it was just what broke me).

So I went to a psychiatrist and told him my story. He would constantly claim that SSRIs have no long term effects (which is obviously bullsh*t when looking at other cases on scientific literature like post SSRI sexual dysfunction). He first recommended trying a different kind of SSRI (and I told him there's no way I'm putting that poison in me again). I eventually realized I should just treat him as a rubber stamp because he doesn't really know anything about my issue and I should try to carefully treat myself, so I asked to try Ritalin thinking there's a chance the SSRI screwed up my dopamin system. He was reluctant to give me the prescription because he thought I was bi-polar or borderline-personality which was also bullsh*t (never had any of the symptoms except anger when the kinda of people who screwed me up know nothing about how to fix me). Good for me the Ritalin definitely helps with my lack of motivation caused by the bluntness of emotions (why would I want to do anything if I get no emotional feedback from my actions?). It makes it easier for me to be externally happy, though internally I feel very little at all. It also makes my ADHD more manageable which is something I need in this very confusing period of my life. At least I'm not depressed anymore. Actually the lack of any depression right now has been a great perspective to how the depression was never the cause for the lack of emotions but actually the symptom.

 

Overall the Ritalin is a good thing for now but it didn't do nothing about my overall lack of life experience. So I still need a solution for that. I don't want to live the rest of my life being a robot... and that's how I feel.

 

----- 

 

I don't have a biological background but I do have an engineering one. After (carefully) reading material online for the past few months I have a few theories of what may have happened.

 

1. I now have less serotonin receptors in my body which is why everything feels like it's low-definition. There's basically a lower resolution of experience. I came up with this theory after reading that SSRI decreases the density of serotonin receptors. When I brought this up against my psychiatrist he said that it's true but it's supposed to come back to baseline after discontinuation. Considering the lack of understanding about SSRIs these people have I have a feeling this information is based on pseudoscience, or simply bad research ethics.

 

2. My body produces less serotonin. I came up with this theory after reading how SSRIs work. I won't go deep into that, but basically the blocking of reuptake could cause the body to produce less (which is why a dosage increase after a while of usage is required). Same thing as before it's supposed to return to baseline, but it's possible it never did.

 

3. The receptors are less sensitive. This is also something that could happen since when the receptor is flooded with serotonin it starts to shut itself down. It's possible they never came to baseline.

 

4. There's permanent brain damage (scarring) in the receptors from the flood of serotonin (similar to MDMA usage). I certainly hope this isn't the case.

 

-----

 

Now what to do with all this information and theories... I've had a few ideas... I want to try things like 5htp and Inositol since they're relatively mild substances which couldn't hurt much. A pharmacological path is something I am willing to consider, but reluctantly at best. But honestly what I've been trying so far were shots in the dark. Professionals seem to know nothing about what I'm experiencing which I find very disturbing. I find it hard to trust these people with the most precious thing in my life: my cognition.

 

So... Any ideas?

June 2012 - Started taking Escitaploram 10mg. After a few months (not sure exactly how long) started feeling like a robot. Emotions were there but were "far away" from my cognition. Decided it's not worth it anymore.

April - June 2013 - Tapered down until stopping completely.  After last dose had two weeks of hell. Never recovered completely until this day.

 

Persisting issues:

- Mild Palinopsia. Problems focusing on images (I used to paint, very difficult now, this is the most distressing issue I have). Problems focusing on my imagination (I used to have a very active imagination). Reading always looks like the letters are dancing around even though I can read fine. Problems with body temperature regulation, especially going out in the cold is a big issue now. Occasional "blips" of being normal again, they last 2-5 seconds and then gone, the world becomes HD and I'm thrilled. Then it's gone. Overall the world feels like a dream and not reality. I often wonder if I am actually dreaming all this.

 

February 2015 - Started taking Ritalin quick release 10mg/day. It's been a great help with my depression and focus. Did nothing about any of my other issues.

March 2015 - Stopped taking Ritalin until I decide if the possibility for addiction and long term issues are worth it.

March 2015 - Started taking 100mgX2/day 5HTP + high dose of Omega3 EPA/DHA to see if that has any effect.

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

Hi mellow-- welcome to SA. There is a ton of good information here, along with a lot of practical experience, I'm glad you found us.  It is pretty clear from what you are saying that you are in WD from the two month taper of Citaploram.  That was way, way to fast and it giving you all the classic symptoms.  However, taking the Ritalin isn't helping matters at all, it comes with it's own set of problems that will be compounding what your are all ready feeling, and will require its own taper to come off of.  I totally understand the cognitive issues, being an engineer/artist myself I found them quite distressing, the nice thing is that they resolve with time, lots of time.  In fact time is really the only thing that seems to work.  A lot of people have tried a lot of supplements and treatments, some help some people a bit, but for the most part they are useless if not detrimental.  

 

No one really knows the exact way in which these drugs work, not even the people who make them.  A combination or theories 1, 2, and 3 covers what is known.  The drug causes the receptors to "down regulate" making them less sensitive, causing a buildup of serotonin.  Something to that effect.   From my research I can't find any evidence that the changes are permanent, but they do effect some people more harshly than others.  The brain has a tremendous capacity to heal itself, and the less we interfere with it the better.

 

Hope that helps, and again welcome to the group. 

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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FeelingMellow

Hello brassmonkey

 

The psychiatrist actually told me that there's no withdrawal symptoms from Ritalin... I wonder if that's going to turn up to be a lie too...

I'm actually getting zero side effects from using it, which is comforting.

 

 

[edit]

Thing is... it's been almost 3 years since I stopped taking citaploram... and it hasn't gotten any better... at times worse... I am at the end of my youthful years, without an SO (I stopped looking at some point). I can't wait until I'm 40 to relive my life again... 

June 2012 - Started taking Escitaploram 10mg. After a few months (not sure exactly how long) started feeling like a robot. Emotions were there but were "far away" from my cognition. Decided it's not worth it anymore.

April - June 2013 - Tapered down until stopping completely.  After last dose had two weeks of hell. Never recovered completely until this day.

 

Persisting issues:

- Mild Palinopsia. Problems focusing on images (I used to paint, very difficult now, this is the most distressing issue I have). Problems focusing on my imagination (I used to have a very active imagination). Reading always looks like the letters are dancing around even though I can read fine. Problems with body temperature regulation, especially going out in the cold is a big issue now. Occasional "blips" of being normal again, they last 2-5 seconds and then gone, the world becomes HD and I'm thrilled. Then it's gone. Overall the world feels like a dream and not reality. I often wonder if I am actually dreaming all this.

 

February 2015 - Started taking Ritalin quick release 10mg/day. It's been a great help with my depression and focus. Did nothing about any of my other issues.

March 2015 - Stopped taking Ritalin until I decide if the possibility for addiction and long term issues are worth it.

March 2015 - Started taking 100mgX2/day 5HTP + high dose of Omega3 EPA/DHA to see if that has any effect.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome FeelingMellow,

I moved your introductory post from the symptoms section to a Journal thread of its own. This way more people will notice it, and you can maintain your own journal. You can use this thread to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want.

 

Thank you for sharing your story, I'm sorry for everything you have been through.  Like you, I went on stimulant medication after stopping SSRIs, I also thought my problem (withdrawal), was somehow related to dopamine.  I tried to make various ADHD meds 'work' for over a year, before giving up on them, I think they caused further damage to my nervous system.

 

Please would you put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

Petunia.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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FeelingMellow

Hi Petunia,

I will do my best to add my history to my signature soon.

Have you had any ADHD symptoms before taking SSRI? I have and they've gotten worse after SSRI which is the only reason I considered taking Ritalin. I'm asking because I want to know if you've taken them to feel better or to treat ADHD. From what I understand when treated for "real" ADHD it is different than giving it to "normal" people.

 

Thanks for the perspective

June 2012 - Started taking Escitaploram 10mg. After a few months (not sure exactly how long) started feeling like a robot. Emotions were there but were "far away" from my cognition. Decided it's not worth it anymore.

April - June 2013 - Tapered down until stopping completely.  After last dose had two weeks of hell. Never recovered completely until this day.

 

Persisting issues:

- Mild Palinopsia. Problems focusing on images (I used to paint, very difficult now, this is the most distressing issue I have). Problems focusing on my imagination (I used to have a very active imagination). Reading always looks like the letters are dancing around even though I can read fine. Problems with body temperature regulation, especially going out in the cold is a big issue now. Occasional "blips" of being normal again, they last 2-5 seconds and then gone, the world becomes HD and I'm thrilled. Then it's gone. Overall the world feels like a dream and not reality. I often wonder if I am actually dreaming all this.

 

February 2015 - Started taking Ritalin quick release 10mg/day. It's been a great help with my depression and focus. Did nothing about any of my other issues.

March 2015 - Stopped taking Ritalin until I decide if the possibility for addiction and long term issues are worth it.

March 2015 - Started taking 100mgX2/day 5HTP + high dose of Omega3 EPA/DHA to see if that has any effect.

Link to post
  • Administrator

Welcome, FM.

 

Your theories are going in the right direction; here's more information about the effects of going off an SSRI What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

It's quite common that antidepressants cause emotional and sexual anesthesia. These can also result from going off them too fast.

 

For most of us with prolonged post-discontinuation syndrome, our serotonin receptors were desensitized for a time. They are an important part of a hormonal feedback system. While they are not working properly, other parts of the hormonal system do the best they can but function sub-optimally, affecting the autonomic nervous system. The dysfunction can persist even after the serotonin receptors correct.

 

The body tends to heal itself, however, but very gradually and sometime in an irregular pattern. See The Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery

 

It's impossible to tell how long healing will take. It's a good sign you have little windows of feeling normal-ish; they will get longer and more frequent.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

PS Ritalin is an amphetamine analog, no surprise it assists concentration. I have no idea how this will affect your healing. Yes, you need to taper it. It's addictive qualities are well-known.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
Have you had any ADHD symptoms before taking SSRI? I have and they've gotten worse after SSRI which is the only reason I considered taking Ritalin. I'm asking because I want to know if you've taken them to feel better or to treat ADHD. From what I understand when treated for "real" ADHD it is different than giving it to "normal" people.

 

 

I've had some of the symptoms of ADHD my whole life, but in retrospect, I think they were more likely a combination of the way I was responding to boredom or anxiety.  During the times of my life when I was engaged in activities I found interesting, or meaningful, I wouldn't have any problems and could focus for hours and get a lot accomplished.

 

When I got my ADHD diagnosis, I didn't think I actually had it, or really even believed in the diagnosis.  I was looking for a way to safely and legally increase my dopamine because I'd come to the conclusion that 'lack of dopamine' was my problem, not serotonin imbalance.

 

Initially, the dexamphetamine I was taking made me feel better, which isn't surprising, it also had the effect of reducing anxiety and restlessness.  But when it wore off, after 2 - 3 hours, I was much worse, I would get rebound withdrawal.  It started to become clear that I wasn't medicating an illness, but that I was addicted to another harmful substance.

 

While the stimulant meds were active in my system, I would feel calm and content and be perfectly happy engaged in whatever activity I was doing, even if it was something boring, tedious and meaningless, the drug had the effect of making the most pointless, ridiculous activities, seem like the most important or fun thing in the world, so I don't know if that makes me 'normal' or not.

 

If I had to give myself a diagnosis now, I would say I have a low tolerance for uncomfortable emotions, caused by not having any emotional support as I was growing up.  But I'm drug free now, and in protracted withdrawal, so I have the perfect opportunity to learn how to handle emotions because I've endured much worse than anything before drugs.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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FeelingMellow

Hi Altostrata, thanks for the info I'll give it a good read. Waves isn't exactly what I'm experiencing though, it's more like random blips that come and go without prior notice (last a couple of seconds and disappear). I wouldn't say it's any better now than it was a few months after stopping Citaploram.

 

Petunia's post gave me a perspective about what I'm doing and I've decided to ditch Ritalin for now. I've been taking the lowst dose (10mg/day) for the past two months. I'm hoping my withdrawal won't be hellish. I'm about 48 hours from my last dose and experiencing some strong heart beats, tiredness etc. So far no depression, just feeling sick. I actually yalled at the social worker that's been "helping" me since I had my cancer surgery since the psychiatrist (supposed to be their "top" guy at the clinic) told me straight that Ritalin doesn't have any withdrawal symptoms. I feel like an idiot believing him. I straight up told her that if he's so sure about it then I want him to put his money where his mouth is and give me a written letter. I'm pretty sure that's never going to happen.

 

The more I read about SSRI long term withdrawal the more I just want to put a knife through my skull and get it over with. I'm starting to lose hope to ever feel human again.

June 2012 - Started taking Escitaploram 10mg. After a few months (not sure exactly how long) started feeling like a robot. Emotions were there but were "far away" from my cognition. Decided it's not worth it anymore.

April - June 2013 - Tapered down until stopping completely.  After last dose had two weeks of hell. Never recovered completely until this day.

 

Persisting issues:

- Mild Palinopsia. Problems focusing on images (I used to paint, very difficult now, this is the most distressing issue I have). Problems focusing on my imagination (I used to have a very active imagination). Reading always looks like the letters are dancing around even though I can read fine. Problems with body temperature regulation, especially going out in the cold is a big issue now. Occasional "blips" of being normal again, they last 2-5 seconds and then gone, the world becomes HD and I'm thrilled. Then it's gone. Overall the world feels like a dream and not reality. I often wonder if I am actually dreaming all this.

 

February 2015 - Started taking Ritalin quick release 10mg/day. It's been a great help with my depression and focus. Did nothing about any of my other issues.

March 2015 - Stopped taking Ritalin until I decide if the possibility for addiction and long term issues are worth it.

March 2015 - Started taking 100mgX2/day 5HTP + high dose of Omega3 EPA/DHA to see if that has any effect.

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FeelingMellow

Petunia, did the rebound symptoms of ADHD come immediately when you started taking them? Or was it months after use? Ritalin actually gives me a calm feeling hours after I use it and I don't get any rebound.

 

BTW the rapid heart beating are gone, now just a mild head ache, I'm actually writing this between workout sessions. 

June 2012 - Started taking Escitaploram 10mg. After a few months (not sure exactly how long) started feeling like a robot. Emotions were there but were "far away" from my cognition. Decided it's not worth it anymore.

April - June 2013 - Tapered down until stopping completely.  After last dose had two weeks of hell. Never recovered completely until this day.

 

Persisting issues:

- Mild Palinopsia. Problems focusing on images (I used to paint, very difficult now, this is the most distressing issue I have). Problems focusing on my imagination (I used to have a very active imagination). Reading always looks like the letters are dancing around even though I can read fine. Problems with body temperature regulation, especially going out in the cold is a big issue now. Occasional "blips" of being normal again, they last 2-5 seconds and then gone, the world becomes HD and I'm thrilled. Then it's gone. Overall the world feels like a dream and not reality. I often wonder if I am actually dreaming all this.

 

February 2015 - Started taking Ritalin quick release 10mg/day. It's been a great help with my depression and focus. Did nothing about any of my other issues.

March 2015 - Stopped taking Ritalin until I decide if the possibility for addiction and long term issues are worth it.

March 2015 - Started taking 100mgX2/day 5HTP + high dose of Omega3 EPA/DHA to see if that has any effect.

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FeelingMellow

Also wanted to add I made a mistake while writing the post, the drug I took was Escitalopram, not Citaploram. I took it under the brand name Cipralex. Not sure if it makes much of a difference. 

June 2012 - Started taking Escitaploram 10mg. After a few months (not sure exactly how long) started feeling like a robot. Emotions were there but were "far away" from my cognition. Decided it's not worth it anymore.

April - June 2013 - Tapered down until stopping completely.  After last dose had two weeks of hell. Never recovered completely until this day.

 

Persisting issues:

- Mild Palinopsia. Problems focusing on images (I used to paint, very difficult now, this is the most distressing issue I have). Problems focusing on my imagination (I used to have a very active imagination). Reading always looks like the letters are dancing around even though I can read fine. Problems with body temperature regulation, especially going out in the cold is a big issue now. Occasional "blips" of being normal again, they last 2-5 seconds and then gone, the world becomes HD and I'm thrilled. Then it's gone. Overall the world feels like a dream and not reality. I often wonder if I am actually dreaming all this.

 

February 2015 - Started taking Ritalin quick release 10mg/day. It's been a great help with my depression and focus. Did nothing about any of my other issues.

March 2015 - Stopped taking Ritalin until I decide if the possibility for addiction and long term issues are worth it.

March 2015 - Started taking 100mgX2/day 5HTP + high dose of Omega3 EPA/DHA to see if that has any effect.

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  • Administrator

Please do not ever just ditch a psychiatric drug you've been taking daily! I hope quitting Ritalin does not cause additional problems for you.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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FeelingMellow

Day 3 and right now no serious ill effects. I got about 10 hours sleep tonight. 

I'm actually feeling... alright...Not depressed or seriously tired. Had some interestingly vivid dreams. It could be the 5htp (100mgX2/day) and omega3 I started taking.

Brain fog is still present as always.

If this feeling of OKayness persists then Ritalin might be a workable aid for me. Perhaps not as a 24/hour medicine but only when I really need it (work/life stress, Ritalin actually calms my brain down and helps me think).

 

As a side note, I set an appointment to an internal doctor (is that how you say it in English?) who I went to when I was first diagnosed with cancer. He told me to return after the surgery and that he might help me out. He's supposed to be an expert in chemical imbalances etc and treats with self-healing and nutrition as well as medicine. He seemed nice and caring when I first met him. Hoping for the best.

June 2012 - Started taking Escitaploram 10mg. After a few months (not sure exactly how long) started feeling like a robot. Emotions were there but were "far away" from my cognition. Decided it's not worth it anymore.

April - June 2013 - Tapered down until stopping completely.  After last dose had two weeks of hell. Never recovered completely until this day.

 

Persisting issues:

- Mild Palinopsia. Problems focusing on images (I used to paint, very difficult now, this is the most distressing issue I have). Problems focusing on my imagination (I used to have a very active imagination). Reading always looks like the letters are dancing around even though I can read fine. Problems with body temperature regulation, especially going out in the cold is a big issue now. Occasional "blips" of being normal again, they last 2-5 seconds and then gone, the world becomes HD and I'm thrilled. Then it's gone. Overall the world feels like a dream and not reality. I often wonder if I am actually dreaming all this.

 

February 2015 - Started taking Ritalin quick release 10mg/day. It's been a great help with my depression and focus. Did nothing about any of my other issues.

March 2015 - Stopped taking Ritalin until I decide if the possibility for addiction and long term issues are worth it.

March 2015 - Started taking 100mgX2/day 5HTP + high dose of Omega3 EPA/DHA to see if that has any effect.

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  • Administrator

If you are talking about the "chemical imbalances" that are supposed to cause psychiatric disorders -- there's no such thing.

 

Your history of many drugs may have left your nervous system sensitized. Going on and off drugs can make this worse. If I were you, I'd be very, very careful with any drugs, including Ritalin, and 5-HTP, too.

 

The next time you take and quit Ritalin, you may not be so lucky. In your state, I would not take it as a study aid ever.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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FeelingMellow

Alostrata, I don't really understand the reasoning behind your post. I'm pretty sure chemical imbalance is a thing, if I were to take something like MDMA or Cocaine I'm pretty sure it would imbalance my brain chemicals to a point in which I normally would not desire, not to mention the after-effect of these drugs which can last for a long time. So why couldn't my brain chemicals be imbalanced any other way? Not saying that mine is necessarily is, just that the statement of "there is no such thing" sounds a bit far fetched to me.

 

Also I don't really have a history of many drugs... Just Cipralex and recently for two months Ritalin... Not sure the meaning of that part either.

 

So basically you're suggesting to do nothing? That's not really an option for me...

June 2012 - Started taking Escitaploram 10mg. After a few months (not sure exactly how long) started feeling like a robot. Emotions were there but were "far away" from my cognition. Decided it's not worth it anymore.

April - June 2013 - Tapered down until stopping completely.  After last dose had two weeks of hell. Never recovered completely until this day.

 

Persisting issues:

- Mild Palinopsia. Problems focusing on images (I used to paint, very difficult now, this is the most distressing issue I have). Problems focusing on my imagination (I used to have a very active imagination). Reading always looks like the letters are dancing around even though I can read fine. Problems with body temperature regulation, especially going out in the cold is a big issue now. Occasional "blips" of being normal again, they last 2-5 seconds and then gone, the world becomes HD and I'm thrilled. Then it's gone. Overall the world feels like a dream and not reality. I often wonder if I am actually dreaming all this.

 

February 2015 - Started taking Ritalin quick release 10mg/day. It's been a great help with my depression and focus. Did nothing about any of my other issues.

March 2015 - Stopped taking Ritalin until I decide if the possibility for addiction and long term issues are worth it.

March 2015 - Started taking 100mgX2/day 5HTP + high dose of Omega3 EPA/DHA to see if that has any effect.

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Please see Again, chemical imbalance is a myth. Stop the lies, please.

 

Were you not treated with drugs when you had cancer?

 

Taking psychoactive drugs does indeed affect the nervous system, but it does not "balance" it. Most nervous systems come balanced when factory-installed.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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FeelingMellow

I was lucky to have found the cancer in a very early stage so a surgical removal was my best option, there was no need for chemo. I guess you could say that I've been on pain pills for a while but that was pretty short (about a week).

 

"Imbalance" may not be the correct term, but deficiency in body chemicals is a real thing. I happen to have a personal history with thyroid illnesses, and I know for certain that low thyroid activity directly causes low energy and depression. Taking thyroid hormone replacement drugs brings the system back to "balance". One could argue that just like certain people are born with an under-active thyroid they could be born with an under-active dopamine/serotonin system. That being said, I do think that SSRIs specifically are doing more damage than good. However I do believe "fixing" chemical deficiency through physical activity and nutrition could be beneficial.

 

As a short update, I'm actually feeling pretty good. The 5HTP and Omega3 EPA/DHA must be doing something to my system. My "blips" have been more frequent, stronger and I've been... feeling.... more than "normally". Brain fog is still present though I know that nutritional help takes a while to do any real change. It may be a hint that my theory of low serotonin activity is true. 

June 2012 - Started taking Escitaploram 10mg. After a few months (not sure exactly how long) started feeling like a robot. Emotions were there but were "far away" from my cognition. Decided it's not worth it anymore.

April - June 2013 - Tapered down until stopping completely.  After last dose had two weeks of hell. Never recovered completely until this day.

 

Persisting issues:

- Mild Palinopsia. Problems focusing on images (I used to paint, very difficult now, this is the most distressing issue I have). Problems focusing on my imagination (I used to have a very active imagination). Reading always looks like the letters are dancing around even though I can read fine. Problems with body temperature regulation, especially going out in the cold is a big issue now. Occasional "blips" of being normal again, they last 2-5 seconds and then gone, the world becomes HD and I'm thrilled. Then it's gone. Overall the world feels like a dream and not reality. I often wonder if I am actually dreaming all this.

 

February 2015 - Started taking Ritalin quick release 10mg/day. It's been a great help with my depression and focus. Did nothing about any of my other issues.

March 2015 - Stopped taking Ritalin until I decide if the possibility for addiction and long term issues are worth it.

March 2015 - Started taking 100mgX2/day 5HTP + high dose of Omega3 EPA/DHA to see if that has any effect.

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