kathy1444 -- off Pristiq

[kathy1444]

hello, I'm new to all of this so please bare with me. I was diagnosed with depression, bi-polar and borderline personalty disorder 2 years ago after going through psychosis. I was in a physically and mentally abusive relationship with a sociopath I needed therapy to deal with all these emotions not all these meds to numb me into a dull, lifeless, emotionless nothing but I at the time didn't care I was desperate to feel better and thought medication was the answer blindly and eagerly walking into a mental trap only to pay dearly now.

I have never been suicidal till put on antidepressants fighting thoughts of harming myself for the past 2 years and the fact my life has only gotten worse, being reduced to nothing I finally realized after going to therapy and feeling better from that in just a short time verses the 2 years of numerous antidepressants, Geodon and Topamax maybe I don't need all this medication. My doctor told me to quit cold turkey when I told him I no longer wanted to take Pristiq, I knew better from just missing a day I would start to feel the withdrawals which is also why I wanted off of it, if it was that bad it messed with me after missing a day it's not good.

I went down to 50 mg in June and did fine from there I got samples from the doctor and cut them in half the first week of July and still o.k. so the following week I felt safe to go down to 1/4 and that's when it all hit hard!! I am blessed to say I haven't suffered the brain zapps though had I, I really think I would have lost it and had to be admitted. Hot and cold, my whole body hurt so bad I didn't what to do, I couldn't eat, running to the bathroom, the anxiety attacks were so intense the Ativan barely helped, I couldn't sleep, my thoughts scared me to be alone yet I couldn't handle being around anyone, didn't feel I was thinking "right". After the third day I just quit the Pristiq all together figuring "0h well" at that point. I really didn't care if it did kill me at that point! I have to admit at that point I was so messed up I couldn't think right and didn't take my Geodon and Topamax for 2 days making matters worse.

I have been off the Pristiq for over a week still having extreme feelings of aggression, feeling of being lost, losing myself to nothingness, I'm here but I'm not. I don't even know how to describe it I just know it's not me and I'm so scared it's not going to end!! I feel blessed to have found this group, hoping it will help knowing there is support and understanding because I got neither from my doctor and I have a wonderful, loving family that listens but can not begin to understand what this feels like.

Geodon is from what I've read going to be HARDER I can not even begin to imagine as I still struggle with this but the fear of forever losing myself to a psych medication that does more harm than good is greater than the fear of what I will have to endure as long as I have hope I can still be saved!!!

[Phil]

Hi Kathy, welcome to SA!

 

I don't know much about the drugs you mention, so hopefully the others will have more advice on them. I can relate to a lot of the withdrawal symptoms you mention though, my heart goes out to you.

Tapering off drugs is essential to keep some stability.

 

The good news is that recovery is possible and you will certainly get better.

 

Just to be clear, you are still taking Geodon? And have just come off Pristiq?

I just did a quick google and Pristiq is an SNRI.

[Phil]

I also meant to say, regarding the bpd and bipolar diagnosis...you might want to "undiagnose yourself". If you went through an abusive relationship then no wonder you'd be struggling emotionally. Many of us here are learning holistic ways of healing and are rejecting psychiatric labels.

[kathy1444]

Thanks Phil for the reply!! Yes I am currently still on Geodon being tapered off but from what I've read due to the length of time I've been on it and it being a antipsychotic drug it will a hell of it's own and long. I'm still suffering from this not knowing when the end is. I am so mad at myself for letting it go for so long, the drugs never made my life, mood or anything better!! I was reduced to a dull, lifeless, numb suicidal waste, instead of waking up I allowed my dosage to be increased and convinced I was "treatment resistant" so desperate at one point I almost let him convince me I needed shock therapy.

Before all that happened to me I was always a positive, happy, emotionally and spiritually balanced person. I didn't believe in suicide as a child or adult and I think that is always what enabled me to be able to get help before hurting myself. Part of the real me awakened and said "no more, I want to live and feel" I denied so many emotions during that time and after with the medication. I'm back to meditation taking myself to my safe place but can't seem to get there since withdrawals, can't wait for therapy tomorrow and writing helps.

I told my doctor it's wrong when heroin addicts go through less withdrawal and damage than these drugs that reduce us psych med junkies but in the end I blame myself on this one and I'm paying.

[Altostrata]

Hi, Kathy. Thank you for posting your story.

 

As you probably suspect, your taper off Pristiq might have been too fast.

 

It's such a new drug, it wasn't clear what would happen when you cut up the tablets -- they have a time-release coating.

 

If I were you, I'd go back on a quarter-tablet for the time being, to reduce your withdrawal symptoms and let your nervous system stabilize on the lower dose.

 

Take on the Geodon and the Topamax later. It may not be more difficult to taper them. Topamax comes in "sprinkle capsules" that have tapering possibilities, and Geodon comes in a liquid.

 

Do not taper all the medications at once!!!

 

What was the order in which you were prescribed these medications? Were any of them prescribed to treat side effects of another?

[Eliotsmum]

Hi Kathy: What about going to another doctor.....one that knows a bit more about tapering off these meds? I got off Pristiq on April 9, 2011 that was my last pill. I had 3 weeks of brain zaps etc., feelings of anger/agression were part of that first 3 weeks, then it did get better, although, now I'm dealing with morning anxiety. When i tapered off Pristiq I did not cut up the 50mg pills because they were timed release. I took them every other day for 2 weeks, then every 3rd day for 2 weeks, then every 4th day for 2 weeks, then I stopped. It was not fun. I took 2 weeks off work (I still have to take the occasional day off work due to withdrawal, 4 months later. I missed 2 days last week) During that 1st 3 weeks, I could barely drive. I was a wreck emotionally, crying, anger, etc. But it subsided after 3 weeks. I hope you will find a Dr who knows more about how to taper off, rather than going it alone, maybe ask friends if they have a good Dr? or people at work? Stay strong.

[kathy1444]

It's been a week without I really don't want to put it back in my system! I was up all night writing, by choice, actually going through moments of psycho babbble, paranoid delusion, serious aggression but by morning for the first time, since this began, I felt a little inner peace as I looked back on my life and realized I have lived a good, blessed life full of loving, supportive, loyal family and friends.

I don't know how long it will last but it feels good and I'm going to enjoy it while I can!! I find myself going in and out, that awful feeling in my gut won't go away, still running to the bathroom, and spotting which isn't normal for me and I don't know if it can affect hormones also, so far no signs of aggression but that doesn't give me much reassurance since my mom wants me to go out in public with her.

Today is a hopeful day and I'm thankful these are the moments we need, even if brief, to get through.

I probably should switch doctors but I've been with him for 2 years and he really works with me financially. He listens now but I probably didn't help my case as far as not being crazy after some of the things I said. We are created to feel regardless good, bad, happy, sad it's a balance. These medications can numb all emotions and care for life and self and a withdrawal far worse and dangerous than illegal drugs. Hell, if I would have known that is what I was I could have done less damage to myself and at least got a good high. I've been through opiate withdrawal and my brother was addicted to heroin, even his withdrawals though really bad not compared to these psych meds.

The Geodon is already lowered and I'm doing o.k. but I do think you are right it's too much to handle at one time but at the same time I just want it over with.

[Altostrata]

Don't get too anxious about being off all medications or you will make yourself sicker with withdrawal from them.

 

You quit Pristiq almost cold-turkey. For some people, the withdrawal symptoms go away within weeks; for others, it can take months or years.

 

You don't know which group you're in until time has passed. Tapering a little slower may lower the risk of having the prolonged withdrawal symptoms.

 

How are you tapering off Geodon?

 

Whatever you decide, we'll support you.

[kathy1444]

Hello, Altostrata

I was on 80mg 2x a day on the Geodon for a year and I took myself down to once a day this past year. This month he finally told me to take at night and dosage lowered to 60mg.

My weight is finally going down, a positive, but not eating right actually barely.

I am worried worst case hallucinations, hearing voices, body tremors and ticks and physical flue like symptoms, rapid heart rate, mental, crap I can't remember, length of withdrawal depends on time on Geodon.

I really do blame myself for not educating myself to the medications side effects,risks and withdrawals. I allowed treatment to go on getting worse accepting I was "treatment resissant".

I'm in therapy also and that seems to help a lot as I finally deal with the trauma that triggered my psychosis, and began all these meds.

Over a month ago something happened and I "awoke" the me I was before that year of trauma and 2 years wasted on medication, I felt stronger, wiser and determined to live and feel with that passion for life I once had!! I decided it was time to get back my life, no more medications!

I felt so empowered I just jumped in not understanding the full physical and mental distress suffered and still going through.

Finding this website was a blessing and life saver for me!! I have a wonderful, loving and supportive family but they can not begin to relate or understand what I'm going through.

[Altostrata]

Kathy, you're going to be okay. You are taking care of yourself and learning from therapy.

 

The past is the past and you are a different person now.

 

It sounds like you've been feeling better as you've reduced the drugs.

 

Could you put your drug history and tapering in your signature? This would help us understand where you are as you progress. See Please put your withdrawal history in your signature for instructions.

[kathy1444]

Thanks Altostrate!

Your directions were great!! I hope that helps, wondering how to make and add friends? I just now learned how to e-mail, this is all new to me. Any guidance is helpful and much needed.

[ajay]

Hi Kathy!

 

I know nothing about the drugs you're taking, and I wish you well coming off of them. Some of us who have been on antidepressants for a long time (well over 2 years) had a hard time with a quick taper like what you described for the Pristiq. I felt more or less okay until about 3 months after I stopped taking the meds. Then all hell broke loose. So my caution would be to take it very slowly going off the meds. It is a major change for your brain, and as flexible as brains may be, it takes awhile for them to adjust. Please be patient with yourself.

 

It sounds like you're making amazing progress in therapy. That's great!

[Phil]

Hi Kathy, I wish you well, you have a great spirit. I can relate too well to feeling numbed and suicidal on meds. All the best to you.

[kathy1444]

Today has been really hard!! Did go to therapy, fighting anxiety, I got a relaxation CD to try as soon as I can get myself to calm down.

I am a emotional wreck I don't know if I want to scream, cry, vent, listen to comforting words, start a fight, run away, or curl in a ball!!

I am so confused and scattered in my head right now, I can't focus right. Trying to keep reminding myself to breathe!

Yesterday was a good day, today is hard but I can do this!! I can't run, I can't hide, I have to face what's inside. This will pass and I will be o.k.

Just needed to vent.

[Altostrata]

Hi, kathy. I moved your update here, to your Intro and Updates topic.

 

Yes, remember to breathe. Sometimes it's one minute at a time, one foot in front of the other. Don't take things too fast and don't expect big things of yourself.

 

Accepting yourself, in the condition you're in, and taking care of yourself is a good lesson all of us are trying to learn!

[kathy1444]

I finally got myself calm but I really thought I was going to lose it!! It gets so intense and overwhelming on so many levels I don't know where to start to get a grip.

I know I have to wait on getting off the Geodon now!! My therapist says it's also the trauma I have not come to terms with fully adding to it. Talk about jumping in!

Thank you to everyone, I would be so lost right without the understanding, guidance and support from this group.

[kathy1444]

Hi Kathy!

 

I know nothing about the drugs you're taking, and I wish you well coming off of them. Some of us who have been on antidepressants for a long time (well over 2 years) had a hard time with a quick taper like what you described for the Pristiq. I felt more or less okay until about 3 months after I stopped taking the meds. Then all hell broke loose. So my caution would be to take it very slowly going off the meds. It is a major change for your brain, and as flexible as brains may be, it takes awhile for them to adjust. Please be patient with yourself.

 

It sounds like you're making amazing progress in therapy. That's great!

 

Thanks ajay,

Each day brings something unexpected I try to be prepared but never seem to be. I'm new to all of this also, never was on computer much. Everyone's input is helpful and hopeful!!

Thank you!!

[Altostrata]

....I know I have to wait on getting off the Geodon now!! My therapist says it's also the trauma I have not come to terms with fully adding to it. Talk about jumping in!

Thank you to everyone, I would be so lost right without the understanding, guidance and support from this group.

 

It's very important to deal with one drug at a time. They create such a tangle in your nervous system, you've got to be very careful to take it slow and control your withdrawal.

 

So where are you with the Geodon dosage now? What happened when you decreased it last? How much were you taking and what are you taking now?

 

If I were you, I'd stabilize on the Geodon and deal with Pristiq withdrawal by taking a quarter-tablet for a month at least, then maybe eighths?

[kathy1444]

Hi Kathy: What about going to another doctor.....one that knows a bit more about tapering off these meds? I got off Pristiq on April 9, 2011 that was my last pill. I had 3 weeks of brain zaps etc., feelings of anger/agression were part of that first 3 weeks, then it did get better, although, now I'm dealing with morning anxiety. When i tapered off Pristiq I did not cut up the 50mg pills because they were timed release. I took them every other day for 2 weeks, then every 3rd day for 2 weeks, then every 4th day for 2 weeks, then I stopped. It was not fun. I took 2 weeks off work (I still have to take the occasional day off work due to withdrawal, 4 months later. I missed 2 days last week) During that 1st 3 weeks, I could barely drive. I was a wreck emotionally, crying, anger, etc. But it subsided after 3 weeks. I hope you will find a Dr who knows more about how to taper off, rather than going it alone, maybe ask friends if they have a good Dr? or people at work? Stay strong.

 

Thanks Eliotsmum,

Just figured out how to respond back today. Unfortunately, I'm home all day which doesn't help. I'm trying to stay strong but it was hard today to keep it together. I've tried valuim, Ativan and klonapin none help ease the anxiety enough to make it tolerable making me freak out more. It doesn't help that I wait till it is so bad before I resort to taking anything, thinking I can control it on my own.

I blame myself for not checking up on what I was taking especially after I kept getting worse more than I blame him, though he should have taken more time to talk to me instead of writing scripts.

Thanks

[kathy1444]

Hi Kathy!

 

I know nothing about the drugs you're taking, and I wish you well coming off of them. Some of us who have been on antidepressants for a long time (well over 2 years) had a hard time with a quick taper like what you described for the Pristiq. I felt more or less okay until about 3 months after I stopped taking the meds. Then all hell broke loose. So my caution would be to take it very slowly going off the meds. It is a major change for your brain, and as flexible as brains may be, it takes awhile for them to adjust. Please be patient with yourself.

 

It sounds like you're making amazing progress in therapy. That's great!

 

Hi ajay,

I still have the Geodon to taper off of down to 60mg this month but I just don't think I can handle anymore right now. I just want it over with!! At first, I thought if I'm going to go through hell then get it all over with but this is pushing me to my limits to add the antipsychotic withdrawal on top, I think I would break.

You're right I need to be patient with myself! This support group helps so much!! Thank you

How are you doing now?

[summer]

Hi Kathy... you mentioned that you were home all day. That gives you way too much time to focus on yourself. Have you tried going outside and taking a short walk? Along the way observe what's around you - the trees, the flowers, the bugs, other people - anything to get your mind off yourself and withdrawal.

 

There have been times that I just knew I had to get out of the house, and sometimes without a shower or brushing my teeth, I'd jump in my car and go to a mall. I'd get a coffee and sit for awhile or walk up and down the mall. When that feeling passed, I'd go back home and get more presentable. Sometimes I'd buy myself something, like a new nail polish, but it helped me get out of my head for awhile.

[kathy1444]

I also meant to say, regarding the bpd and bipolar diagnosis...you might want to "undiagnose yourself". If you went through an abusive relationship then no wonder you'd be struggling emotionally. Many of us here are learning holistic ways of healing and are rejecting psychiatric labels.

 

Hey Phil,

Just learned today how respond back. My doctor says he can't figure me out but likes to label me in an attempt to when he does take the time to listen.

My dad taught us the power of the mind to heal and overcome pain growing up, I use to faithfully use those techniques but after I went through such extreme trauma that sent me over the edge into psychosis and started on meds, I have trouble being able to focus and concentrate and working on believing in myself.

I would love to hear some of the holistic ways of healing you are referring to always open try new ways.

[kathy1444]

Hi Kathy... you mentioned that you were home all day. That gives you way too much time to focus on yourself. Have you tried going outside and taking a short walk? Along the way observe what's around you - the trees, the flowers, the bugs, other people - anything to get your mind off yourself and withdrawal.

 

There have been times that I just knew I had to get out of the house, and sometimes without a shower or brushing my teeth, I'd jump in my car and go to a mall. I'd get a coffee and sit for awhile or walk up and down the mall. When that feeling passed, I'd go back home and get more presentable. Sometimes I'd buy myself something, like a new nail polish, but it helped me get out of my head for awhile.

 

Hi Summer,

I do make myself go outside, especially at night I love the moon, the beauty, energy and love instantly fills me making me feel better. During the day I make myself sit outside to get fresh air and enjoy the beauty that surrounds me. I was walking a little before I started getting these intense anxiety attacks that nothing seems to ease. I did go to the gas station and grocery store today and therapy.

Tomorrow I promised a old friend I would pick her up, I hope I feel better, even if I don't I'm making myself do it!

I want to sleep but it looks like that may not be possible again tonight. I want my daughter to teach me how to load songs on my mp3, I notice in the car while listening to a song I liked I focused on it, they do say music is healing.

[Phil]

 

I also meant to say, regarding the bpd and bipolar diagnosis...you might want to "undiagnose yourself". If you went through an abusive relationship then no wonder you'd be struggling emotionally. Many of us here are learning holistic ways of healing and are rejecting psychiatric labels.

 

Hey Phil,

Just learned today how respond back. My doctor says he can't figure me out but likes to label me in an attempt to when he does take the time to listen.

My dad taught us the power of the mind to heal and overcome pain growing up, I use to faithfully use those techniques but after I went through such extreme trauma that sent me over the edge into psychosis and started on meds, I have trouble being able to focus and concentrate and working on believing in myself.

I would love to hear some of the holistic ways of healing you are referring to always open try new ways.

 

Something that helps me is minfulness meditation, I would class it as a more holistic way of healing. It's not for everyone during withdrawal though.

The mind is indeed a powerful thing and I believe it's our spirit that will carry us through these journeys.

 

Sorry I can't think of anything more specific. My advice is to do whatever you must to get through each day, and be gentle on yourself.

[summer]

Tomorrow I promised a old friend I would pick her up, I hope I feel better, even if I don't I'm making myself do it!

 

Let me know how it goes. Many days I have to make myself do things, and some days it's so hard. I always end up feeling better though... proud of myself and glad I pushed myself out.

[kathy1444]

Finally got a night of sleep, that in itself felt good. I haven't been able to eat anything, I'll nibble here and there, so I got some Boost nutritional supplement, I tolerate that well.

I've been a little concerned though since yesterday I've been feeling faint but noticeable "surges" in my head and body. I was so freaked out yesterday I convinced myself it was in my head but I feel it today also. I've had brain zaps years back that made me swear off antidepressants but due to the trauma that led to psychosis I was desperate for any help.

I don't think I could have made it through that first week if I would have had them too!! Now I'm praying it's anything but that!!

Can anyone shed some light on what is happening?

[Altostrata]

kathy, I moved your update to your Intro and Updates topic.

 

It's a good sign you felt a bit better last night.

 

Those kinds of surges are typical of withdrawal syndrome. Again, stay calm and breathe through them. They come in waves and will go away.

 

Are you taking fish oil capsules? Many people find this makes symptoms milder. See this topic: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

[kathy1444]

Hi Summer,

I started a new topic but think I did it wrong, God all of this is greek to me!

I really am going to try to push myself but started feeling these "surges" yesterday I just figured I was freaking myself out because yesterday was so bad but today I feel them. I don't know what to think about this I thought I was in the clear of getting the brain zaps and still pray that is not what is starting!! That was the only thing that kept me strong and going, not getting the brain zaps.

I've suffered through them before without a clue of what was happening to me, that in itself nearly broke me! I swore off antidepressants then and fought my panic attacks back but that was back then. I hate what I am now especially knowing who I once was!

[summer]

Kathy... I think you already know this, but the zaps can't hurt you one tiny bit! You said you had them before. Did you know that then? Yeah, they are annoying as h*ll, but that is about all they can do to you - annoy you! I had them when I was trying to get off Paxil. But, when I realized they were NOTHING to be concerned about, I stopped being concerned. I think as a result of coming to peace with them, they slowly stopped happening...

[ajay]

Kathy, remember it's going to be a process.

 

Try to be gentle with who you are now. You have a lot to deal with and a lot of healing to do.

 

Here's hoping we all become stronger and, if not who we were, someone we can recognize and love.

[Altostrata]

Hi Summer,

I started a new topic but think I did it wrong, God all of this is greek to me!....

 

kathy, you didn't do anything wrong. In the Introductions forum, each person has one topic. I moved your other posts to this topic.

 

Please put updates about how you are feeling in this topic. This is your topic.

 

If you have other questions, you can start topics in other forums.

 

When a person goes off an antidepressant quickly, as you did, the best way to stop withdrawal symptoms is to go back on a smaller amount on the drug and taper slower. This decreases the chance you will suffer withdrawal symptoms for a long time.

 

If you don't want to do that, you just need to cope with the symptoms. You may recover fairly quickly, everyone is different.

 

Pristiq and its cousin Effexor are known to have very bad withdrawal symptoms, so you're betting against the odds.

 

But I can understand your desire to get off all the drugs, I'm glad you slowed down with the Geodon.

[kathy1444]

Kathy... I think you already know this, but the zaps can't hurt you one tiny bit! You said you had them before. Did you know that then? Yeah, they are annoying as h*ll, but that is about all they can do to you - annoy you! I had them when I was trying to get off Paxil. But, when I realized they were NOTHING to be concerned about, I stopped being concerned. I think as a result of coming to peace with them, they slowly stopped happening...

 

Hey Summer,

No I didn't at the time know what was going on at all!! I feel better knowing that because they feel like I'm short circuiting into breakdown. Thanks for the info!!

[kathy1444]

Kathy, remember it's going to be a process.

 

Try to be gentle with who you are now. You have a lot to deal with and a lot of healing to do.

 

Here's hoping we all become stronger and, if not who we were, someone we can recognize and love.

 

Thanks ajay!!

I'm able to talk myself through most days but have had some really bad one's I struggled all day to try to get a grip on it but mentally so confused and thoughts scattered I couldn't focus and emotionally I was a mess, the physical part I can deal with. I can see now how the therapist is probably right, You're right I have to remember it's a process, I have to be patient and gentle with myself. Sometimes, I feel like I'm in a all out battle with myself, no matter what coming out on the losing end.

Thanks for the inspiration!!

[kathy1444]

 

 

I also meant to say, regarding the bpd and bipolar diagnosis...you might want to "undiagnose yourself". If you went through an abusive relationship then no wonder you'd be struggling emotionally. Many of us here are learning holistic ways of healing and are rejecting psychiatric labels.

 

Hey Phil,

Just learned today how respond back. My doctor says he can't figure me out but likes to label me in an attempt to when he does take the time to listen.

My dad taught us the power of the mind to heal and overcome pain growing up, I use to faithfully use those techniques but after I went through such extreme trauma that sent me over the edge into psychosis and started on meds, I have trouble being able to focus and concentrate and working on believing in myself.

I would love to hear some of the holistic ways of healing you are referring to always open try new ways.

 

Something that helps me is minfulness meditation, I would class it as a more holistic way of healing. It's not for everyone during withdrawal though.

The mind is indeed a powerful thing and I believe it's our spirit that will carry us through these journeys.

 

Sorry I can't think of anything more specific. My advice is to do whatever you must to get through each day, and be gentle on yourself.

 

I was looking into different healing meditation CDs and think I found one that sounds interesting. I was reading about the positive effects meditation has on our natural chemistry so figured it couldn't hurt to try it out. I'll look into the mindfullness meditation too. Thanks

[kathy1444]

Hi, kathy. I moved your update here, to your Intro and Updates topic.

 

Yes, remember to breathe. Sometimes it's one minute at a time, one foot in front of the other. Don't take things too fast and don't expect big things of yourself.

 

Accepting yourself, in the condition you're in, and taking care of yourself is a good lesson all of us are trying to learn!

 

Hi Altostrata,

I'm confused what do I need to do to post updates? What is the Start New Topic for?

Thanks

[ajay]

Hi Kathy. I think you figured out how to post updates. Go to your topic (kathy144 -- off Pristiq) and use the "add reply" button.