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☼ dan998: Cold turkey, reinstatement and tapering citalopram


Dan998

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On 9/8/2017 at 11:57 AM, Martina23 said:

Dan, maybe we had the “privilage“ to go through this ordeal, that we can change it. Or maybe it was necessary for our growth as personalities.

 

I dont know.But this horrendous experience had for me also positives, if for nothing than for finding out my full potential, that there are other ways to live and to have still time to change my life.

 

And by the way, just grab the guitar if you like, you can still play like Hendrix and by the way you shouldnt even play like Hendrix, you should play like Dan998

 

Martina. This is an excellent way of reframing our experience. Rather than look at withdrawal as a bad thing, perhaps we should try see it as giving us a better understanding of ourselves. I have learnt so much about patience and determination from withdrawal. We all seem to discover that we have much more strength than we ever thought.  Nothing is impossible for those of us that have endured withdrawal.

 

On 9/8/2017 at 0:52 PM, Shep said:

Dan, I've been using music therapy to get through withdrawal. Martina is so wise. Please take her advice.

 

I'm definitely going to follow this advice. I've unearthed an interesting article about how musical training can have a dramatic impact on your brain’s structure, enhancing your memory, spatial reasoning and language skills and neuroplasty - https://www.theguardian.com/education/2016/oct/24/want-to-train-your-brain-forget-apps-learn-a-musical-instrument 

 

"musical training has what psychologists refer to as transfer effects – in other words, learning to play a musical instrument seems to have a far broader effect on the brain and mental function, and improves other abilities that are seemingly unrelated. 

“Music reaches parts of the brain that other things can’t,” says Loveday. “It’s a strong cognitive stimulus that grows the brain in a way that nothing else does, and the evidence that musical training enhances things like working memory and language is very robust.” 

Learning to play a musical instrument, then, seems to be one of the most effective forms of brain training there is. Musical training can induce various structural and functional changes in the brain, depending on which instrument is being learned, and the intensity of the training regime. It’s an example of how dramatically life-long experience can alter the brain so that it becomes adapted to the idiosyncrasies of its owner’s lifestyle."

 

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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Shep. Thanks for the Neil Postman link. I have never heard of him before and have not been influenced by his work so it seems uncanny that my own ideas seem to mirror his exactly. This book is definitely going on my reading list.  It's amazing to think that he saw all this coming over 30 years ago when SSRI's were in their infancy.

 

On 9/8/2017 at 0:24 PM, apace41 said:

Chilling in its accuracy.  I would add a slight nuance, however, in that what is happening is that we have created a society of distraction and complacency that has left a huge void where personal responsibility used to be.  Into this void have marched the profiteering corporations in places like pharma and agriculture beholden only to the almighty bottom line.  As we sit idly by they strip us of our ability to regain that personal responsibility by making us sick with things like GMOs, roundup and psych meds.  We understandably fear the destruction of natural forces like Harvey and Irma but are blind to the even greater destruction taking place at the hands of business concerns which are largely indifferent to human life.

 

Andy. Totally agree that there is a huge void in society that has been filled with consumerism. A false belief that we can buy our way to happiness. It is a utopian dream that is forever out of reach and leads us to be perpetually unfulfilled. Whatever we purchase there will always be something that is bigger, better and newer.

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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Thanks, Flowers.

 

Still got a bit of cog-fog, but I'm heading back towards windowland again now. I don't mind having different symptoms. Its sort of reassuring as it confirms that different parts of my brain are repairing themselves. 

 

9 hours ago, Flowers said:

You are not free of the drug and it's effects yet but at least are not taking them anymore so are on the right road. Lets hope you get more windows than waves as time goes on.

 

It's really frustrating to still be getting waves. I thought that recovery would be a lot smoother once I stopped destabilising my brain every month. Looking forward to that big window that stays open permanently.

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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23 hours ago, Dan998 said:

I'm definitely going to follow this advice. I've unearthed an interesting article about how musical training can have a dramatic impact on your brain’s structure, enhancing your memory, spatial reasoning and language skills and neuroplasty - https://www.theguardian.com/education/2016/oct/24/want-to-train-your-brain-forget-apps-learn-a-musical-instrument 

 

Brilliant article, Dan! Thanks for posting this.

 

I printed it out and put it in my Music Therapy notebook. I like to read these kinds of articles over and over again when I'm in a wave and overwhelmed with the thought of healing after 30 years of these drugs. But I do think it's possible. 

 

I took this free online class months ago and plan on taking it again, now that my brain is halfway turned on. Thought you might be interested:

 

Music and Wellness Class

 

The concept of fixing damage at the structural level - and not just the functional level - really can give us hope. I've also seen this in various meditation and exercise studies. 

 

 

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Dan

 

Just thinking about you? How are you doing? Still heading towards a nice window? 

 

Hope so.

 

Flowers xxx

15 yrs on 20 to 30 mgs CITALOPRAM.  MAY 2014 Increased to 40 mgs per day.SEPT/NOV 2014 tapered in 6 weeks down to 10 mgs as per Dr instructions due to violent nightmares/palpitations.Given Noctamid (lormetazepam) to help with anxiety. On average took 2mg per day for 8 weeks.No taper was advised.DEC 2014 WD severe. Nervous tic in eyes and limbs, muscle pain,fluct  temp, weakness, dep and anxiety, nausea, giddy, unstable when walking. Different Dr suggested taking 20mgs CIT. BROMAZEPAM 3mgs up to 3 x daily for anxiety.DEC 9 2014 Updose CIT to 30mgs. Only taking BROMAZEPAM in emergency.DEC 31 2014 Settling at 30mg CIT - helping with depression. No Brom for 2wks.Found SA.APR 2015 Trying to stabilise on 30mgs CIT.  JAN 2016 Started Cit Taper reducing by 5% per month.  28.5 mgs 
FEB  Taper held bereavement. APR Taper resumed 27mgs . MAY 25.50 mgs .  JUNE 24 mgs .  JULY I stupidly mixed up my BP meds with CIT. Consequently took no CIT for 3 days and doubled my BP meds. Waiting for the fallout....Holding for a while until any chance of repercussions have abated. SEPT taper resumed to  22.5 mgs . OCT 21 mgs .NOV 19.95 mgs DEC crashed. 2017: FEB 3rd updose to 20.5 mgs to try to stabilise.FEB.switched over to 75mgs of Venlafaxine XR for 3 weeks.Too stimulating so switching back to Cit. 12 March 37.5 Ven and 20 Cit. 21 March 18mg Ven 20mg Cit. 4 April 9mg Ven 20mg Cit. Xanax .50mg when needed.  13 April 0 mgs Ven, 20mg Citalopram. Xanax .50 mg per day. 5 May reinstated a small amount of Ven to stabilize  1 mg twice a day. 20 mg Citalopram at night. Xanax .25 mg twice per day.Other Meds: Losartan (BP)Started 1993 at  50 mgs at night.  Seretide (Asthma) Started 1996 at 1 puff twice a day. Jan 2019 Antibiotic Ceclor 500mgs twice a day for bronchitis and  Atrovent 2ml capsules twice a day for asthma. Finished the course of both Jan 17. 

XANAX  Jan 27  - Feb 3 2019 Failed Valium Crossover.   Feb 14 2019  Updosed Xanax by .0625  Feb 17 2019 Decreased Xanax by .0625. Back to .50mg daily.  Update Xanax 28.2.20 tapered to .1250 mg 8am .25 mg midnight. Update Xanax 11.8.21 tapered to .25 mg at night. 

Current Meds 28.2.19: CITALOPRAM  20mg  taken at midnight. VENLAFAXINE  .9 mg twice a day at 8am and 10pm.  XANAX .50 mg split into 4 doses per day. 10am .0625mg / 2pm .1250mg/ 6pm .0625mg / midnight .25mg.Update 10.8.22 .25 mg at night.  LOSARTAN 50 mgs taken at midnight.  SERETIDE 1 puff taken at 8am and 10pm.   7.7.19 VENLAFAXINE UPDATE: Started tapering 10% every 4 weeks. Currently .4 mg twice a day at 8am and 10 pm.  2.9.19 .36 mg x 2. 1.10.19  .32 mg x 2. 26.11.19 .29 mg x2. 26.12.19 .26 mg  x 2. 23.1.20  .23 mg x 2.  20.2.20 .21 mg x2.20.3.20  .19 mg x 2. 21.4.20 .17 mg x 2. 19.5.20 .13 mg x 2.  18.6.20 .11mg  x 2 .18.7.20.10 mg x 2.1.9.20.09 mg x 2. 30.9. 20 .08 mg x 2. 1.11.20 .07 mg x 2.  2.12.20 .06 mg x 2.  8.1.21 .05 mg x 2.  4.2.21 .04 mg x 2. 9.3.21 .03 mgx2.  7.4.21  .02 mg x 2.  9.5.21 .01 mg x 2.  21.6.21 .01 mg x 1.  11.8.21 ZERO!

 

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  • 2 months later...
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On 08/09/2017 at 11:50 PM, Dan998 said:

 

 

Hello Dan, how are things with you?

Current: 9/2022 Xanax 0.08, Lexapro 2

2020 Xanax 0.26 (down from 2 mg in 2013), Lexapro 2.85 mg (down from 5 mg 2013)

Amitriptyline (tricyclic AD) and clonazepam for 3 months to treat headache in 1996 
1999. - present Xanax prn up to 3 mg.
2000-2005 Prozac CT twice, 2005-2010 Zoloft CT 3 times, 2010-2013 Escitalopram 10 mg
went from 2.5 to zero on 7 Aug 2013, bad crash 40 days after
reinstated to 5 mg Escitalopram 4Oct 2013 and holding liquid Xanax every 5 hours
28 Jan 2014 Xanax 1.9, 18 Apr  2015 1 mg,  25 June 2015 Lex 4.8, 6 Aug Lexapro 4.6, 1 Jan 2016 0.64  Xanax     9 month hold

24 Sept 2016 4.5 Lex, 17 Oct 4.4 Lex (Nov 0.63 Xanax, Dec 0.625 Xanax), 1 Jan 2017 4.3 Lex, 24 Jan 4.2, 5 Feb 4.1, 24 Mar 4 mg, 10 Apr 3.9 mg, May 3.85, June 3.8, July 3.75, 22 July 3.7, 15 Aug 3.65, 17 Sept 3.6, 1 Jan 2018 3.55, 19 Jan 3.5, 16 Mar 3.4, 14 Apr 3.3, 23 May 3.2, 16 June 3.15, 15 Jul 3.1, 31 Jul 3, 21 Aug 2.9 26 Sept 2.85, 14 Nov Xan 0.61, 1 Dec 0.59, 19 Dec 0.58, 4 Jan 0.565, 6 Feb 0.55, 20 Feb 0.535, 1 Mar 0.505, 10 Mar 0.475, 14 Mar 0.45, 4 Apr 0.415, 13 Apr 0.37, 21 Apr 0.33, 29 Apr 0.29, 10 May 0.27, 17 May 0.25, 28 May 0.22, 19 June 0.22, 21 Jun updose to 0.24, 24 Jun updose to 0.26

Supplements: Omega 3 + Vit E, Vit C, D, magnesium, Taurine, probiotic 

I'm not a medical professional. Any advice I give is based on my own experience and reading. 

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  • 1 month later...

Thinking of you Dan..

hope you are doing great!

 

love

lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Dan!

 

Hope you’re doing well!

Lexapro from October 2012-October 2014

10mg from Oct 2012-Feb 201320mg from Feb 2013-June 201310mg from July 2013-April 2014
Began taper via liquid Lexapro from April 2014-September 2014(Roughly 6 month taper)---0.00 on Oct 1 2014--WD began in December 2014

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reinstated to 10mg - 10mg Tablet October 15, 2015 - Stable by Mid-January, 2016

2016 - 9mg 3/26/16....8mg 5/11/16....7mg 7/05/16....6mg 8/26/16....5mg 10/31/16

2017 - 4mg 3/06/17....3mg 6/24/17....2mg 9/07/17...1.25mg 10/21/17....1mg 11/04/2017

2018 - 0.75mg 1/21/18....0.5mg 2/18/18....0.25mg 3/13/18....0.125mg 3/27/18....0.000 4/9/18

 

Supplements - 15B probiotic on and off. Usually helps w/ mood but sometimes is too activating.

 

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On 9/8/2017 at 8:50 AM, Dan998 said:

You know, I wish I didn't have to know about any of this stuff, the drugs, the withdrawal, none of it. I resent having to experience all this. Why me? I could have lived in blissful ignorance. I could have coped with being a bit shy, awkward and antisocial. I certainly didn't have an illness that needed to be medicated. I have too many regrets about decisions that were beyond my control at the time. It is what it is. It cannot be anything else. The arrow of time only travels in one direction.

 

Long before SSRI's scrambled my head, I used to read a lot of novels, mostly science fiction. This all feels uncannily like one of the many dystopian futures I have read about. Maybe Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-four or Huxley's Brave New World. The difference is that it is not a dystopia, it is my reality; and its not the future, it is the here and now. I'd think the whole thing was too far fetched if it wasn't actually happening. Where is all this leading? I hope there is a purpose to what has been thrust upon me. I hope something good comes out of it all. Nostalgia for a simpler time before all the technology came along and made the world too complicated.

 

Years ago they would take canaries into the coal mines. They were early warning systems. If the canaries fell off their perch and died this would mean that poisonous gas was present, the miners would leg it and make for the surface as quickly as possible. Anyone else feel like a canary within the deepest mines of psychiatry?

 

No one ever says thank you for the bad things that happened to you in life. We only say thank you for feelings of feeling good and warm and fuzzy. If you did have the power to choose what happened to your life, you would only choose good moments. How would you end up? Probably dead or an arrogant Donald Trump. You got the gift of finding a bit of peace with no effort or reason. There are some people in the world that have literally done it all, rock stars, fame, celebrity, money and gave it up. You didn't even leave your own home and you conquered what < 0.00000000001 percent of people on this planet have done and conquered yourself. Don't say that this WD thing shouldn't have happened. You took a crash course into hapiness that people have been trying for 1000's of years to do.

2008-2012: Cymbalta, Zyprexa, Valium (5 days supply),

2012 - Seroquel x 4 weeks C/T. 

2014 - Seroquel x 2 Weeks C/T. Crossed to Risperidone 3mg for 6months until December.

2014 - Stopped Risperidone. Xfer > Anti-Depressant 200mg Zoloft and 6mg Clonazepam. 

2018 - 150mg Clomipromine changed Anti-depressant. Tapered Benzo to 1mg Clonazepam. 2019 - xfer to 20mg Diazepam. 

 

Currently:

Anafranil: 75mg. 17th Dec 2022 70mg. 27th Dec 22: 75mg, 14 January 23': 70mg. 16-26th January: 50mg (too fast drop no sleep). Jan 28th 2023: 70mg. 20 Feb 2023: 65mg. 11/06: 60mg 9/08: 55mg 15/08/23 : 50mg
3/03/2024: 60mg (Updose)

 

        Diazepam (V): 25th Oct 2019' 20mg. 22 Dec 19' 19mg. 04 Apr 2020' 18mg,  30 September 20' 17.5mg , 13 Nov 2020' 17mg. 01 January 2021: 16mg, 13th Aug 21' 15mg. 1st Nov' 2021 14.5mg. 1st Dec' 2021 14mg. 13 January 2022: 13.5mg, 11 Feb: 13mg.  11 April 22' 12.5mg, 12 May 22': 12mg, 6th September 2022: 11mg Valium. 9th October: 10.5mg, 25th Oct 10mg. 12 March 23: 9.5mg 2 April: 9.25mg 23 April: 9mg 12/05: 8.75 26/05: 8.5 12/09: 8.25 21/09: 8.5. 3/10: 8.25 17/10: 8mg 20th Nov Brassmonkey: (7.9.,7.8, 7.75) 5 Feb: 7.25mg. 23 Feb: 7mg 

*.      Have tried to go at faster rate than 0.5mg but is currently too fast. 

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2 hours ago, Ryder said:

 

No one ever says thank you for the bad things that happened to you in life. We only say thank you for feelings of feeling good and warm and fuzzy. If you did have the power to choose what happened to your life, you would only choose good moments. How would you end up? Probably dead or an arrogant Donald Trump. You got the gift of finding a bit of peace with no effort or reason. There are some people in the world that have literally done it all, rock stars, fame, celebrity, money and gave it up. You didn't even leave your own home and you conquered what < 0.00000000001 percent of people on this planet have done and conquered yourself. Don't say that this WD thing shouldn't have happened. You took a crash course into hapiness that people have been trying for 1000's of years to do.

I love this, Ryder. I think I will reread it once I am sad.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

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3 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

I love this, Ryder. I think I will reread it once I am sad.

 

I agree, Martina.   This is great stuff, Ryder.

 

(I also love the Zlatan pic under your screen name.)

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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  • 1 month later...
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It has been far too long since I last updated my thread.

 
Back in September my symptoms relented enough that I could actually stop constantly thinking about them.  Everything was nice and stable, not really in a window, but not really in a wave either. I was doing quite well and at one point I was even considering writing a partial success story.


I just wanted to put this whole experience behind me and get on with my life. I expect most people do this, once the drugs release their grip, all you want to do is run as fast and as far as possible and never look back. Hence, this is why I haven’t been here for many months.


About six weeks ago the withdrawal monster caught up with me again. It grasped me by the ankle and pulled me back into the pit of despair for another round of insomnia, hyper-vigilance, cognitive impairment and anxiety. It was all very reminiscent of that first wave 3 years ago when I naively tried to tough-out a cold turkey. Flipping that switch in my brain which brought about a cascade of horrors that I could never have imagined were possible and from which I have never totally recovered from. 


This current wave has me scared witless. I am fearful that it shall continue to spiral downwards just like that initial wave did all those years ago. I know logically that it will lift and that the repairs that are taking place in my brain will become self-evident. Every other wave has lifted, why should this one be any different? But, I still have a nagging doubt that this is something different. Something sinister. Something permanent.


I suppose the reason why this wave is so big and scary is because of its intensity, duration and the fact that there has not been any destabilisation caused by tapering for 10 months now. Also, being this long off the drugs means that reinstatement is no longer an option. There is no safety net this time around. 


I really didn’t expect this to be happening this far out. Do we ever truly escape from the clutches of withdrawal?
 

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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Hi, 

I was on citalopram 10 mg for 13 years on/off. 

Tapering very very slow over 6 years. 

Off the drug 5 years now and functional 90%.

However, mild withdrawal symptoms hit me at 4 years off the drug in 2016!

( anxiety, body aches, muscle weakness, insomnia etc). 

I was overwhelmed, but understanding what was going on, l persevered and gradually within a year with waves and windows they faded out. 

I am again O. K now for quite a while, And I hope for the best! 

Certainly much better than before the drug. 

Take care. 

 

Citalopram 20 mg

Mid June 1994- end March 1995 Then tapering 3 months 

Mid August 1995-end August 1996 Tapering 6 months 

Mid January 2000-end September 2001 Tapering 6 months

Mid October 2003-end October 2005 Tapering 7 years. 

More detailed drug history is here - ☼-kostas

Off any drug from October 2012 

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  • Administrator

How are you feeling now, Dan?

 

It's probably best to assume your nervous system is still going to be somewhat susceptible for quite a while, and take extra care with it. Was there any precipitating factor that you can recall?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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17 hours ago, Kostas said:

Hi, 

I was on citalopram 10 mg for 13 years on/off. 

Tapering very very slow over 6 years. 

Off the drug 5 years now and functional 90%.

However, mild withdrawal symptoms hit me at 4 years off the drug in 2016!

( anxiety, body aches, muscle weakness, insomnia etc). 

I was overwhelmed, but understanding what was going on, l persevered and gradually within a year with waves and windows they faded out. 

I am again O. K now for quite a while, And I hope for the best! 

Certainly much better than before the drug. 

Take care. 

 

 

Thanks for posting that Kostas. 

 

It is very reassuring to hear from someone who has been off for a number of years and has almost recovered, that really gives me hope that this will one day be worth all the effort.

 

I agree that understanding the process is the key to getting through this ordeal. I would never have gotten this far without the help and support of all those on this forum.

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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15 hours ago, Altostrata said:

How are you feeling now, Dan?

 

It's probably best to assume your nervous system is still going to be somewhat susceptible for quite a while, and take extra care with it. Was there any precipitating factor that you can recall?

 

Hi Alto. Thanks for dropping by. I'm still feeling wavy. it is rather unpleasant and feels like elevated cortisol levels. Symptoms haven't really improved or deteriorated since I posted yesterday.

 

I can't really pinpoint anything that may have set it off. No changes to diet, supplements or lifestyle. It just seems to have appeared out of nowhere.

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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  • Administrator

I hope this wave goes away soon.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I'm still in a wave, but I am feeling a little bit calmer today. Although, it's all relative, as I can't actually remember being properly relaxed since I started tapering or subsequently during recovery. Even when I'm not feeling particularly anxious there has always been a feeling of uneasiness or agitation lurking just beneath the surface. Those ruminations and racing thoughts that are always ready to pounce.

 

I really miss the feeling of tiredness and relaxation that slowly overwhelms you as the evening goes on until you're in that blissful state of peace that occurs just before bedtime. instead of that, I'm wide awake all the time. I might get a bit of tiredness about 5 mins before I nod off, but mostly the transition between awake and asleep is instantaneous, a bit like narcolepsy. 


I used to be such a heavy sleeper. I could sleep through anything, and quite often did. Nothing could rouse me from my slumber, not light or noise and especially not my alarm clock. I was notorious for being late for school or work. I loved my bed and I loved sleeping. Since WD started the opposite has been true and a decent uninterrupted night's sleep has been rather scarce.

 

I think being able to relax and sleep properly again will be sure signs that I have truly healed and recovered from this. I wonder how much longer I'll have to endure? I just want to be me again.

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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I had some respite yesterday. The symptoms relented for a while and I found some hope that perhaps this nasty wave was finally easing off.

 
I was able to lift my gaze towards the horizon and feel optimistic about the future. Daydreams about all the brilliant things I will be able to do once I have fully healed. Getting a job, socialising, making new friends, travelling, finding a partner and creating a home. Ordinary things that most people take for granted, but seem almost impossible because of the cognitive dysfunction that has been caused by withdrawal.

 
I even got a decent sleep last night, but today the crippling anxiety has returned with a vengeance and I once again find myself staring at my shoes. That familiar feeling of hopelessness that is characteristic of withdrawal. The fear that this will never end. That perhaps I really am mentally ill and that I do actually need to be medicated.

 
Up, down, round and around. I just want to get off of this crazy rollercoaster ride. I’ve had enough now. Please let me go.
 

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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2 hours ago, Dan998 said:

Up, down, round and around. I just want to get off of this crazy rollercoaster ride. I’ve had enough now. Please let me go.

 

I will first recite the party line, i.e., that the windows and waves you are experiencing are all part of the healing process and the fact that you had such a good window is a positive sign of your healing.

 

Then I will tell you that I empathize and acknowledge that the whole thing just can't suck enough.

 

If I could stop the ride for all of us I will.  I have not found any solutions for myself either.

 

Just remember that you are healing.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Hey Dan

 

When my more severe akathisia is at bay, I've always got that lingering agitation. The same uneasiness and inability to really relax that you describe. For me, once I am able to lie down comfortably and watch a movie or something, I think I'll know I'm healed.

 

I also get some good breaks like you just have. Hold onto it! Positive daydreams are the best kind of coping fuel in my experience.  

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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Thanks, Andy.

 

Good to hear from you. You are absolutely correct and that's exactly the advice I would give. It's just the windows and waves doing their thing. It all too easy to catastrophise and think that the present wave is the worst one ever, but it rarely is.

 

A similar thing happened a few years ago when I smashed my ankle. I was in excruciating pain. I assumed I would be permanently crippled and forever in pain. As the months went by and I slowly healed I forgot just how painful or disabling the injury had initially been. It just seemed that where I was was worse than where I had been, but it wasn't

 

I suppose it's all subjective. It's hard to compare a memory of pain and suffering with the reality of the present moment. Where I am now is bad, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was years ago. Ankles. Brains. Healing is healing and the present always seems to feel worse than the past.

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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21 hours ago, bheb said:

Hey Dan

 

When my more severe akathisia is at bay, I've always got that lingering agitation. The same uneasiness and inability to really relax that you describe. For me, once I am able to lie down comfortably and watch a movie or something, I think I'll know I'm healed.

 

I also get some good breaks like you just have. Hold onto it! Positive daydreams are the best kind of coping fuel in my experience.  

 

Hi Bheb.

 

Daydreams are great. I've found that having some hope about the future can make all this struggle seem worthwhile. After all, that is why we are trying to get off these horrible drugs, we want to reclaim our lives and make good all the years that have been stolen from us. 

 

Sorry to hear you are suffering from akathesia. I find walking really helps keep it at bay. Some days I walk for hours and hours. I really notice the difference when I can't get out for whatever reason. I used to go running as well, but knee pain (possibly caused by withdrawal) has prevented me from doing this lately. 

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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On ‎28‎/‎03‎/‎2018 at 5:03 PM, Dan998 said:


Up, down, round and around. I just want to get off of this crazy rollercoaster ride. I’ve had enough now. Please let me go.

Oh so true Dan I relate all to  well ,its so painful .

Ive never been so glad to have a day over like today .

Take care Dan .

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, Dan998 said:

I've found that having some hope about the future can make all this struggle seem worthwhile

 

Exactly. The hardest moments are those during which I can't convince myself there's anything good at the end. And when I excessively focus on how, like you said, years are stolen. Daydreams help distract from that too. 

 

Yeah, walking is definitely good...lots of times I try to test myself to see how long I can stay still, not wanting to pace around and look "crazy." But I just need to get over that and accept practices that will make me more comfortable, even if they are noticeable reminders of these drug side effects/withdrawal I'm still in. 

 

Going on leisure walks or runs is a good middle ground. Thanks for that reminder. Sorry that you relate, and also about your knee. Hope it heals up soon.

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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I had some brain zaps. It's been a very long while since I had any of those. It actually felt quite nice and was immediately followed by a fuzzy tingly feeling that permeated throughout my entire body. I read here that zaps are actually local minor seizures. This seems quite plausible. I'm hoping this zap (or seizure) is indicative of some serious repairs going on. Some reorganisation of the neural circuitry.

 

About an hour later I was in the darkest mood imaginable. Very irritable and argumentative. The anxiety levels went off the charts; chest pain, palpitations, jelly legs, knotted stomach. The full Monty. Really horrible. This lasted until bedtime. I actually slept OK, but woke up into the high anxiety again. It has eased off as the day has gone on. I am left with a foul taste in my mouth that no amount of brushing seems to shift. My sense of smell also seems heightened.

 

I read on Brassmonkey's thread about a large wave that hits a lot of people about 10 months after fully quitting the meds. So, I'm hoping this is what's occurring here. Hopefully, this will be my last ever wave and the forever window is about to open soon.

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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9 minutes ago, Dan998 said:

I read on Brassmonkey's thread about a large wave that hits a lot of people about 10 months after fully quitting the meds. So, I'm hoping this is what's occurring here. Hopefully, this will be my last ever wave and the forever window is about to open soon.

 

So, let it be written.

 

Best to you, Dan.

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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It sure has all the signs Dan. I had 24/7 anxiety for mine. Nothing I could do about it but let it run it's course which took about two weeks.  Don't let it panic you, just roll with the waves.  There should be some ups and downs during the day, then it will leave almost as fast as it started.  Let us know how it goes.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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16 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

It sure has all the signs Dan. I had 24/7 anxiety for mine. Nothing I could do about it but let it run it's course which took about two weeks.  Don't let it panic you, just roll with the waves.  There should be some ups and downs during the day, then it will leave almost as fast as it started.  Let us know how it goes.

Thanks Tom.

 

How you describe it is uncannily accurate. The last two days have been almost constant anxiety, punctuated by brief windows of near normality, before being thrown back into fear and worry again. I've also had some sensory weirdness that I'm assuming are structural changes happening within.

 

I'm going to make a determined effort to stick around and keep updating about this phase of recovery as there is a distinct lack of information for post-taperers. Maybe this would be a good subject for a separate thread?

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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12 hours ago, Dan998 said:

I'm going to make a determined effort to stick around and keep updating about this phase of recovery as there is a distinct lack of information for post-taperers.

 

That would be really great.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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20 hours ago, Dan998 said:

distinct lack of information for post-taperers. Maybe this would be a good subject for a separate thread?

 

Experiences after tapering to zero

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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I’ve still been suffering from insomnia and that ghastly cortisol surge waking me up far too early. I try to get back to sleep, but as I start to drift off I get slammed with another surge. This might go on for a couple of hours until it becomes unbearable and I’m forced to get up and confront yet another day. Thankfully, the cortisol usually dissipates once I’m up and moving. A morning walk really helps to break it up.


The last few days had seen some improvement. I found that even with the cortisol alarm clock ruining my sleep I had more motivation and energy than normal. Got a few tasks done around the house, some little jobs that have been nagging to be done for a long time. Nothing massive, little steps, but it did feel like a small improvement considering how completely devoid of energy I have been lately.


However, today the anxiety has been brutal. I actually had a really good sleep, no insomnia or cortisol. I was feeling okay when I woke up, but as the day has gone on the anxiety levels have just spiralled out of control until I’m now on the verge of a full blown panic attack.


I really need to see some positivity soon. It’s all despair, loneliness, misery, self-pity and fear right now. I can vividly remember what positive emotions felt like. I have fond memories of my past and can easily trigger a positive memory, but I find it impossible to experience these emotions in the here and now. They are like ghost emotions. Unfortunately I cannot live in the past. I’m stuck in the present. Waiting for my future to start. Waiting to live again. I’m such a long way from home.
 

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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Sleep seems to be improving, had 7 hours last night, woke without too much cortisol. I'm starting to have dreams again too. They always seem to be absent during a wave, so this is a very good sign that things might be changing.

 

The anxiety is still sitting heavy on my chest today. I also have a splitting headache/ earache and the tinnitus is spiking and changing frequency, which is making me feel nauseous and dizzy. 

 

I heard a song on the radio that literally brought me to my knees. It was quite an obscure song and I doubt if I'd heard it for possibly 20 or more years. It reminded me of a time when my life was good. When I lived in a happy home, had an active social life and had lots to look forward to. Mental health wasn't an issue back then, I was too busy having fun.

 

Anyhow, I was enjoying these happy memories until, near the end of the song, I heard the lyrics; 

 

That's not the beginning of the end

That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence. 

 

I just sat on the floor in floods of tears. Three lines that sum up where I want to be right now, but that feels just as far away as it did all those years ago when I went CT and crashed hard. 

 

 

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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I had a brief window yesterday. I was sitting watching the sunset and I had about half an hour of peace and relaxation. I almost felt human again. It was an all too brief respite before the anxiety, headaches and general sense of uneasiness continued again.

 

The insomnia is also getting worse again as I seem to be waking up earlier and earlier. This has me really scared, because I've made a few withdrawal attempts in the past and it was always the insomnia that had me running back to the doctor .

 

I have this sense of emptiness. It's like my life is missing something, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I need to move on, change my environment, try something different, ditch some toxic people from my life, start afresh with a different plan. What if I make these changes yet nothing changes because the problems are all in my head. I hate where I live, but if I moved would that be just as bad. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. 

 

Maybe I'm just bored of all this withdrawal stuff now. I know boredom always used to be something that pushed me on to new things. I dunno, I struggle to remember what boredom even feels like anymore. All my emotions seem to have been hijacked by fear and self-doubt. Is this what happens to a brain that has been rendered devoid of all other emotions. The default setting is fear.

 

I feel trapped and can't see a way out of this. My problem solving and decision making abilities seem to have totally deserted me. I'm like a rabbit trapped in the headlights. Unsure which way to jump. 

 

Did I do something wrong? Did I taper too fast? Is this just part of the process of recovery? How much more of this can I take before I have to admit defeat and go back on the meds? I've read accounts of people still suffering after 5 or more years. I wouldn't want to go on knowing that I had years of suffering still ahead of me.

 

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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12 minutes ago, Dan998 said:

I had a brief window yesterday. I was sitting watching the sunset and I had about half an hour of peace and relaxation. I almost felt human again. It was an all too brief respite before the anxiety, headaches and general sense of uneasiness continued again.

 

The insomnia is also getting worse again as I seem to be waking up earlier and earlier. This has me really scared, because I've made a few withdrawal attempts in the past and it was always the insomnia that had me running back to the doctor .

 

I have this sense of emptiness. It's like my life is missing something, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I need to move on, change my environment, try something different, ditch some toxic people from my life, start afresh with a different plan. What if I make these changes yet nothing changes because the problems are all in my head. I hate where I live, but if I moved would that be just as bad. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. 

 

Maybe I'm just bored of all this withdrawal stuff now. I know boredom always used to be something that pushed me on to new things. I dunno, I struggle to remember what boredom even feels like anymore. All my emotions seem to have been hijacked by fear and self-doubt. Is this what happens to a brain that has been rendered devoid of all other emotions. The default setting is fear.

 

I feel trapped and can't see a way out of this. My problem solving and decision making abilities seem to have totally deserted me. I'm like a rabbit trapped in the headlights. Unsure which way to jump. 

 

Did I do something wrong? Did I taper too fast? Is this just part of the process of recovery? How much more of this can I take before I have to admit defeat and go back on the meds? I've read accounts of people still suffering after 5 or more years. I wouldn't want to go on knowing that I had years of suffering still ahead of me.

 

Yikes Dan ,I totally get what you say here ,I can relate all too well,I fear what will happen to me ,I can't even go walking I'm that bad .

My mind gets consumed with the thoughts of leaving we're I live and deal with the aftermath no matter what happens .I'm sitting here looking out the window having lunch and the local wineo just walked past with can in had ,I'm tortured with triggers like this.

I'm going to plan a few weeks away .

My living situation is insane and will drive me insane if I don't do something ,I already tried 6 months ago to change my situation,but I can see my partner doesn't have confidence in me so this compounds all the stress .

Take care ,god dam help us all.

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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PB, I get what you mean about triggers. I live on a very busy road and my spidey senses are constantly being set off by the traffic. It's relentless from 8am to 8pm. I have to peel myself of the ceiling every time a bus, lorry or motorcycle goes past. Then I can hear my neighbours through the walls. They're not doing anything extraordinary,  but I've convinced myself that they're deliberately trying to annoy me.

 

I think the whole situation is magnified by the fact that I live alone. Perhaps it is the loneliness and isolation that is holding back my recovery. I quite liked being alone when I was on the drugs, but now I desperately crave human company. The trouble is how do you make friends or find a partner when your conversational skills are seriously lacking? Yes, the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that what I'm missing is a sense of community and companionship.

 

Perhaps what we all need is a quiet safe place to recover. A warm welcoming home where we are surrounded by people who care about us. Somewhere where we are not confronted by the responsibilities of our daily lives. Somewhere that fills our time with meaningful activities so that we don't have time to ruminate and allows our confidence and self-worth to be slowly built back up again. I'd definitely check myself into such a place, although it would probably be prohibitively expensive and only an option if you were super rich. 

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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