☼ manymoretodays: off many years of many medications

[manymoretodays]

Rain.  So.  Of course in purple.  

 

Waiting on plumber. 

More on car repairs.

Garage door springs........wish I could say eternal.

 

House of Cards.......fairly good older movie.  Traumatic autism cured.........something like that.  Oh, I wish.  I wish.  I do wish.

 

Thankful for a lot.  I may have overdid with a bit much last week, too much on my schedule.  Did, done, okay.  Thankful for the more open week this week.

 

Having a bit of a hard time, when those around me are having a bomb of a hard time.  On the ground level though, those in my day to day real life.  And then clarifying for myself when self care is NOT selfish.   I wish I could spend more time online.  

 

Costco happy lite glows.  Epsom salt flows. 

 

Oh.......all bettah. 

That's all it took.

Often I take my kitchen dance to the garage now.

AS IT IS EMPTY until further notice...........a fine studio.

 

I miss Sun.  I shall line up a visit soon.  May he be well. 

I shall plan a ski day soon. 

 

Walked.  Kitchen dance sometimes passes for a bit of Yoga.  Will get there, to the class I sort of like best, this week.  And swim.  Swim mmt swim!  It's slow yet it's a triathlon still.  Ever training.  I was told I am a Warrior yesterday........in a good way. 

 

Love, peace, in healing and recovery, and growth,

 

manymoretodays

 

 

 

Edited January 9, 2018 by manymoretodays

[manymoretodays]

Oh my, Love this:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1921-forest-bathing-reduces-cortisol-aids-mood-immune-syste

 

And down to 12-14 of smokes.  Considering sage.  I wanted to skip the 13........the 12 however, may have contributed to a bit of lack in emotional reserve.  Interesting.

2 mg. sublingual melatonin now.  S'okay.

 

I think some of the plumbing issue may be related to the roof work that I had done and the vent on the roof?  Will call again!  They sure don't do much clean up after roofing and it wasn't like I am doing new construction.  I don't like that.   I feel like a contractor or something........grateful for advice from others and then a bit more ability to discern.  Life gets a bit expensive, at times..........  Me favorite car........she may be soundless for a bit.  And still not totally sure I made the right decision in my initial go ahead.  The radio/C/D player had something to do with the overall diagnostics, and next I guess I'm in sales.........as far as that goes.  Opted for the neighborhood mechanic........ugh, not sure they will get the best review, and will just have to be patient and see how this all pans out.  Garage door springs(not eternal).......well, I'll get started on that Monday.  I am only a small fish among the sales sharks when it comes to repairs/maintenance.  Sometimes I wonder........continue to treat others how I wish to be treated and it all works out?!  I wonder......

 

Yoga!!!  Did/Done.......ahhhh!  The pool was condemned.......it should be bettah today.  Bettah better.  Got to wonder.......  Love the sauna at this point too.  Not overdoing in it anymore.

 

And so.......it's been a week this week.  I think paid work may be nice, as a refuge.......  Limits, babahbaboundaries and being honest with others........and me self.  Kindly.  Not brutally.

 

Hoping to see the Winston Churchill movie this weekend and perhaps stay in the theater and move on into another film after if it's too depressing?  A couple more books to read, fiction and a saga on DVD's to finish on up.  My guitar.  My writing........in cursive and to get it on out on the paper with the pen.  Some culinary sort of fun.......done, continue on those lines.  And oh......all set to go.....to see......Mum........I will manage to get in a few days before the sibs.  I wonder how the desert bathing compares to forest bathing?  Walked in the rain.  Pretty awesome.  Bundled up and sometimes it's real nice to take out the ear buds and music and listen........ 

 

Good morning Saturday. 

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and grrrrowth!

 

manymoretodays

 

[manymoretodays]

And woah...........today........or now yesterday..........I partook in an awesome send off for Junior.  A Buffalo who recently passed.  His pal Shaker passed exactly 30 days ago.

 

I mean I'm serious.  I did.  It was beautiful really.

 

And Monday, monday, monday again..........s'okay.  Something pulled me awake early.  And sometimes it's the best time in the wee hours.  Today I CAN go on back to sleep for a bit.  Nothing pressing early in this day.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

 

manymoretodays( Not medications/drugs, as far as manymore ...........yet manymore alternative resources to be made available for distress I hope and soon)

 

Oh.  And did do a appointment with my therapist week before last.  It had been so long that I inadvertently was about 10 blocks off from her location and was late.  Come on Emu focus!!!!  I had meant to double check her address too......... and then didn't......... just hit it on drive time.  Doh.  Was okay though.  Brief.  And hug and a little bit of input on managing and all, which I am.  I didn't reschedule but probably will check on in again, say in 6-9mos. or so.  It feels like.......is like.......most of it I CAN do on my own.  Or with other supports/friends.    She has an amazingly calming voice and demeanor though.......which I like.........voice is important, tone, pitch, cadence, etc.  To me it is.

Edited January 15, 2018 by manymoretodays
oh, I always elaborate somewhere

[Kristine]

On 14/01/2018 at 1:44 AM, manymoretodays said:

Walked in the rain.  Pretty awesome.  Bundled up and sometimes it's real nice to take out the ear buds and music and listen........ 

Hey MMT, no such thing as bad weather just the wrong clothes!  I love walking in the rain....especially when in the forest and the lush ground has that heady earthy smell 🙂 Before antidepressants I was known to sing in the rain! May it return 😉

On 15/01/2018 at 10:34 PM, manymoretodays said:

I partook in an awesome send off for Junior.  A Buffalo who recently passed.  His pal Shaker passed exactly 30 days ago.

This might seem like a very stupid question but.......do you have pet buffalo? are they wild? Or am I missing something? 

 

Xox K 

[manymoretodays]

Ahhh, swam and sauna.  A walk/run......go pick up my car thing.  Going to try an am rather than pm Yoga and see how it flys.  Lovely dinner with the neighbor ladies, young and old, and in between.

 

Good visit with my Vocational Rehab counselor.  Planning phases..........research for me, and then next month hopefully will start something hopefully......training wise.  Maybe Yoga instructor certificate???!!!!  Or a class on broader alternatives first.  I guess I am avoiding a bit further computer training........so probably SHOULD do!   No doubt it will always come in handy.  She's awesome though......my counselor.  I shall make her proud!  I forget all about the signing as we converse sometimes, or the signer........I do like that language.  There is also apparently a kind of code or word for some(maybe most) deaf peoples behavior/demeanor/affect/not sure what to call it........the receptionist mentioned it........and it is easily understood........maybe it's just deaf culture?

 

Oh "The Darkest Hour" about PM Sir Winston Churchill in WWII.  A full 2 hour film and it really was quite captivating.  From his typist, to the history, and the portrayal of his "Black dog" of a depressive episode.  He drank a lot.  He also had some really good support during his bout with depression.........or so it seemed.

 

A nice visit with Sun(son).  Ski ing next week for sure.  Let it snow, let it snow.........I love the powder!  Ornaments off the small tree.  Stockings down.  Sheesh ka bad........I still like the puny thing with bright lights a bit past mid January.  And my electric candle in the window until daylight lasts to 6:30 pm or 18:30 hour.

 

Still a bit on the slow ness of winter type of fatigue possibly.  More organized........ha ha ha.........probably less efficient by choice?  I don't know.........it's good as I'm pulling off fairly productive days doing this and that, and out and about like a 9 to 5er sometimes.  I'm going to keep on booking it, until my somewhat vacation and Mum, and family visit in the nice, warm desert. 

 

Ah.....cheap culinary creations, and a few lunches out.

 

Keep on dancing everybody, and listen........make music........

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

 

mmt

 

Ah......the Buffalo........hi Kristine  They had been rescued from the local zoo and taken out to a Ranch not so far away by some great people.  So.....it was interesting.........as they told the story of how they re acclimated to a free environment.  So touching.  I have a Betsey Ross cat for a pet.  She is large.  Yes, may you sing in the rain and dance barefoot in the earth! 

Edited January 19, 2018 by manymoretodays

[Kristine]

58 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Ah......the Buffalo........hi Kristine  They had been rescued from the local zoo and taken out to a Ranch not so far away by some great people.  So.....it was interesting.........as they told the story of how they re acclimated to a free environment.  So touching.  I have a Betsey Ross cat for a pet.  She is large.  Yes, may you sing in the rain and dance barefoot in the earth! 

Wow!  I have always loved buffalo but never had the pleasure to be up close and personal with these extraordinary creatures!  Think I'm trying to imagine your surrounding landscape MMT ......

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi again Kristine,

 

Well, it's not like I have Buffalo running around daily.   And I honestly just live modestly in a basic neighborhood setting.  Which might be NOT the same as how you do there in the Down Under?  It was kind of a spiritual rite of passage thing........Native American. 

 

This particular setting though.......I mean think Westerns or something.......not neccessarily Wild West but open plains, high desert.  And there are trees........yet compared to the Eastern or even Midwest part of the U.S. it's definitely sparser tree wise and different types of trees and flora.  Not as lush and green.  I miss that sometimes.  And there was a bit of Red rock even in this setting.......a wall of it............ behind which the sun set, right as we finished the ceremony.   Sage plants.  Scrub oak.

 

And sometimes even I am floored/awed, when I get on out and around now that I am living again........not just convalescing all the time.  Weird though.......I once hated it here, for many different reasons.......or so I thought once.  Happy I am able to shift gears, attitudes, etc.............most of the time.  Trying to live the "Wherever I am, that's where I be" philosophy from "Wherever You Go There You Are"(a book by Jon Kabat-Zinn).  Helps me with acceptance and peace.

 

And okay.......hope you are well enough today, 

L,P, H/R, and growth,

mmt

 

p.s. solly bout the blue, might be a bit too glaring??  Or perhaps it's just the early morning hour.

Edited January 20, 2018 by manymoretodays
p.s. and elaboration

[brassmonkey]

Sounds like a beautiful setting MMT.  I love the high desert especially the the Red Rock formations.  Have you ever been to Utah?  The landscapes are amazing.  Buffalo are also amazing IRL.  Their size shocking.  We got trapped in our motorhome one afternoon at Yellowstone because about 40 of them just wandered into the campground and the park rules say they have absolute right of way and not to go near them so everyone had to wait "inside" util they they left after a few hours.  Later I managed to get close (about fifty yards, any closer isn't a good idea)  to a herd of several hundred.  The spirit of nature was so overpowering, I still mist up just thinking about it.

[manymoretodays]

Yes I have brassmonkey.  And wow.........a herd of several hundred!  Pretty cool!!!

[manymoretodays]

And ahhh........got a ski day in.  Sunny most of the day.  Missed the fresh snow/powder..........yet, it was the best.  I almost had parts of the mountain to myself.  Not kidding.  And then, when I was finished and back down at the car lot........some film students put me on their film footage..........asked me a question, and I responded "Wahoo".  They liked it.  We did 3 takes.    However, they did not keep to my usual 10 feet from the camera rule......or keep the camera 10 feet away.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

[DaveB]

47 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

And ahhh........got a ski day in.  Sunny most of the day.  Missed the fresh snow/powder..........yet, it was the best.  I almost had parts of the mountain to myself.  Not kidding.  And then, when I was finished and back down at the car lot........some film students put me on their film footage..........asked me a question, and I responded "Wahoo".  They liked it.  We did 3 takes.    However, they did not keep to my usual 10 feet from the camera rule......or keep the camera 10 feet away.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

 

Seems like you have had a complex history with these meds, and are now doing great, congrats. I  love skiing, I take my kids skiing a bunch. Just stopping by to say high as I am hoping to one-day be like you, finally off this stuff and not riddled with daily anxiety. Why were you put on psych meds in the 1st place, did you ever have intense anxiety as a withdrawl or side effect. Sorry to bother you with questions, I just read through your thread and you give me hope!

[Kristine]

On 21/01/2018 at 12:31 AM, manymoretodays said:

Well, it's not like I have Buffalo running around daily.   And I honestly just live modestly in a basic neighborhood setting.  Which might be NOT the same as how you do there in the Down Under?  It was kind of a spiritual rite of passage thing........Native American. 

 

This particular setting though.......I mean think Westerns or something.......not neccessarily Wild West but open plains, high desert.  And there are trees........yet compared to the Eastern or even Midwest part of the U.S. it's definitely sparser tree wise and different types of trees and flora.  Not as lush and green.  I miss that sometimes.  And there was a bit of Red rock even in this setting.......a wall of it............ behind which the sun set, right as we finished the ceremony.   Sage plants.  Scrub oak.

 

And sometimes even I am floored/awed, when I get on out and around now that I am living again........not just convalescing all the time.  Weird though.......I once hated it here, for many different reasons.......or so I thought once.  Happy I am able to shift gears, attitudes, etc.............most of the time.  Trying to live the "Wherever I am, that's where I be" philosophy from "Wherever You Go There You Are"(a book by Jon Kabat-Zinn).  Helps me with acceptance and peace.

It sounds beautiful...I used to live in outback Australia for a few years..but that was isolated, sparse and hot. I like to be close to a body of water so It was a challenge. However, thunderstorms, star gazing nights and sunset were stunning and unique experiences.  Yes, wherever you go there you are.  Beauty is everywhere...😊K xo

[manymoretodays]

Hi Dave B.,

 

I will go on over and take a look at your introduction/journal.  Here's another "hopeful" thread I think:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/7320-what-does-healing-from-withdrawal-syndrome-feel-like/

 

See if you can find my post there too from a couple years ago.  Ahhh.......progress.  I did have a couple of months there, a couple of months back..........that were more difficult again.   Not as difficult as it once was though.  Yet the best.......the very best thing is that overall........I have now beat my previous stability while on medication/drugs............since off them.  So that to me........is great.

 

I sought care way back when.........for what I thought was a curable "depression"..........oh, such a long time ago and I was a medical professional and just eating on up all the latest/greatest developments, which I thought were scientific and sound just like "critical care" was.  "Depression" as a label(and people admitting they had it) was coming out of the closets and this new great cure/theory had arrived.  Or so I rather innocently believed.  I could not have been more wrong.  I'm pretty sure Prozac might have been one of my first medications tried.  It also coincided with me suddenly having suicidal ideation.  Ugh. 

 

My main anxiety/fear way back was........that people would find out that I had "depression".  Seriously.  Stigma.  And oh man oh man.........super stigma in the medical professions.

 

Yes definitely.  Anxiety/high fear feelings both as side effects and in W/D.

 

Thanks for stopping by.  Good on the ski ing with your kids! 

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

 

Oh.........and I've got to mention my upcoming travel visit to see Mum and do some chores for her.  As I somehow botched what could have been a really good trip visit back East last August.  I'm feeling okay about this one.  I mean I am ready and able.  Maybe because it is somewhat more familiar and sheesh mageesh, my Mum is turning 90!!!  It's important.  The last one, the August missed trip/travel,  just wasn't as familiar or important.  Not that I haven't continued to be diligent with some of my practices to maintain health/wellness for some time now.  That's helped.  A lot.  And this getting back to what it was.......way back when.........when I sought treatment..........and pretending as if sometimes.........what I wish I had done for myself then or what I had known........or something.........not that we can ever solely treat ourselves all by ourselves.  Somehow it just starts to come together.

 

And woah.........sometimes lately..........so much to choose from and then choosing to just do what needs to be done each day.  And taking time........yes, to smell the roses........find the roses........appreciate them thorns and all.  Growth I guess?  Letting things be sometimes too.........until I am surer.

 

Edited January 25, 2018 by manymoretodays
oh, I always elaborate somewhere

[manymoretodays]

On 1/24/2018 at 7:58 PM, Kristine said:

It sounds beautiful...I used to live in outback Australia for a few years..but that was isolated, sparse and hot. I like to be close to a body of water so It was a challenge. However, thunderstorms, star gazing nights and sunset were stunning and unique experiences.  Yes, wherever you go there you are.  Beauty is everywhere...😊K xo

 

Hi Kristine.    Nice on being near the water.  Amazingly I have found a few bodies of water.......reservoirs and mountain lakes to fill that need for closeness to water.  I guess I share that.  The ocean though.........oooh and aaah.........so alive with the waves(and windows too I hope ).  This year for sure........I will get to the ocean again!  The streams and rivers are so wildly overflowing these past few years in the springtime.........so that is awesome.  I don't know yet but lately I have been to a few places a bit more isolated than I am now.........and wondering........deciding I suppose, if that's where I may downsize to.  A place perhaps with at least one friend not too far away......... might work to smooth the transition.  A place I can come and go to with minimal fuss and upkeep.  So I can travel or just do retreats and cool stuff.  Or create.  Write, or paint, or do eccentric sculpting?

 

Oh......I don't know.  Life is good though lately.  Finishing some garage work........ if you will........whole lot of dust and debree in there and it is sunny and quite nice today.  With music of course.  My poor neighbors........with this dancing deer, me........doing her chores on Sunday no less.  I did head out for a nice breakfast thing and ran a few errands today.  Football in the background on mute.  It's that time almost.........dum de dum........Superbowl Sunday in a few..........

 

Oh.......stopped by to see the more local Buffalo/Bison in my town too.  And there are some subtle differences in bone structure and such.........between the Buffalo and the Bison.

 

Meanwhile.......a bit of the back to work soon and travel hebegeebies.............could be worse, eh?  Oh don't I know it..........could be worse.......

 

As always.......thanks for stopping in.  I am loving your introd/journal as well........some cool stuff there.  I'll stop by and comment soon.  Happy new Home in the "inback" I guess......since you are no longer in the outback?

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

 

mmt

[Kristine]

9 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Kristine.    Nice on being near the water.  Amazingly I have found a few bodies of water.......reservoirs and mountain lakes to fill that need for closeness to water.  I guess I share that.  The ocean though.........oooh and aaah.........so alive with the waves(and windows too I hope ).  This year for sure........I will get to the ocean again!  The streams and rivers are so wildly overflowing these past few years in the springtime.........so that is awesome.  I don't know yet but lately I have been to a few places a bit more isolated than I am now.........and wondering........deciding I suppose, if that's where I may downsize to.  A place perhaps with at least one friend not too far away......... might work to smooth the transition.  A place I can come and go to with minimal fuss and upkeep.  So I can travel or just do retreats and cool stuff.  Or create.  Write, or paint, or do eccentric sculpting?

Hey MMT,  oooh mountain lakes!!!  Water is healing and soothing in many ways...whether it be a Mag bath, river, stream, lake or ocean.  I guess water = Life.  I live in a very creative/eccentric part of the world...lots of markets, art galleries, and folk festivals...unfortunatly as you know my creativity is currently in hibernation.  At least I'm surrounded by potential inspiration!  

18 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Oh......I don't know.  Life is good though lately.  Finishing some garage work........ if you will........whole lot of dust and debree in there and it is sunny and quite nice today.  With music of course.  My poor neighbors........with this dancing deer, me........doing her chores on Sunday no less.  I did head out for a nice breakfast thing and ran a few errands today.  Football in the background on mute.  It's that time almost.........dum de dum........Superbowl Sunday in a few..........

Oh Yes! One must always clean to a tune. And dance! Like a deer?! I'd love to see you dance! I'm sure you are bringing some joy into your neighbours lives!

21 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Meanwhile.......a bit of the back to work soon and travel hebegeebies.............could be worse, eh?  Oh don't I know it..........could be worse.......

 

As always.......thanks for stopping in.  I am loving your introd/journal as well........some cool stuff there.  I'll stop by and comment soon.  Happy new Home in the "inback" I guess......since you are no longer in the outback?

Lol...I love that word "hebegeebies"! Haven't heard that for years.  Yes, it could be worse. Yes, not longer in the outback..left that life many years ago.  Been hot and sticky here...38 degrees yesterday (100 degrees F) didn't cool much overnight...cooling slightly today...sweating has hit a new level...trying to keep hydrated...think I need an IV line for extra hydration 🙄 

 

Love to you Mmt 

xox K 🌻

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Kristine,

Oh yes.  Water=Life.  Water is healing. 

And it sounds nice where you live then.......all that inspiration around you.

I honestly don't know what's happening with me sometimes.......  With my use of words?  Hebegebees!!!!!!  I guess that beats swearing anyway, but I am talking like I was born in the 1930's or something..........no offense if anyone reading was.........a little weird is all.

 

Out of town manana and another busy day today of that non paid..........kind of feels like....... work again.  A lot of little things/items to take care of.  Some self care too.   I sure hope I can do a little something here from my droid while I'm gone.  Otherwise........will miss you ALL........back soonish I hope.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

 

 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Ahhh.  Travel all went smooth.  Supermoon last night AND eclipse!  Mum is well.    The desert is so beautiful and warm.  My car....however......died once again prior to my departure.  Towed it home and.....well hey....it's in my garage until I get back.  I mean the garage works now....so that was nice.  Did a few chores already and relax time.  My siblings and a few others arrive next week.    I can post faces......but not yet anyway....in color.  Maybe will sleuth out a way to see signatures from my droid.....???  So now I miss Betsey Ross cat.  I only forgot some minor items.  My luggage weighed in at 42 lbs.  Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth............manymoretodays

[manymoretodays]

Getting on out of my comfort zone......a bit before I left....and even more so today.  Tis fun.  The natives are ever so friendly.  Cloudy today after some desert bathing in the sun.  Had my spinach and berries today as well.....missed a couple days..... and on the hunt for turmeric soon.  Tea time!  Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth.......manymoretodays.....in turquoise

[Kristine]

On 02/02/2018 at 7:24 AM, manymoretodays said:

Ahhh.  Travel all went smooth.  Supermoon last night AND eclipse!  Mum is well.    The desert is so beautiful and warm.  My car....however......died once again prior to my departure.  Towed it home and.....well hey....it's in my garage until I get back.  I mean the garage works now....so that was nice.  Did a few chores already and relax time.  My siblings and a few others arrive next week.    I can post faces......but not yet anyway....in color.  Maybe will sleuth out a way to see signatures from my droid.....???  So now I miss Betsey Ross cat.  I only forgot some minor items.  My luggage weighed in at 42 lbs.  Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth............manymoretodays

Hey MMT,  Are you having a holiday/break? Sorry I am so easily confused.  I hope you are having a holiday! K xo

[manymoretodays]

Yes....I am visiting Mum and counting down to her bday!!!!  Wifi works here most of the time.  This IS my relax.  Sculpting armadillos............out of gemstone no less!  Mum....the new 90!!!  Huge.  Very grateful.

Edited February 2, 2018 by manymoretodays

[manymoretodays]

Had an excellent visit/vacation/celebration of Mum.  And woah Nellie.......she is 90!  I just hit a few spots where a wee tad of the crabbies came on.......in regards to Mum or others directing my show I spose.  They try to do that from time to time.  I try to cooperate.

 

The weather was the best.  Lot's of sunshine and access to fairly spa like amenities, as well as the desert right down the road.  The sauna(which my Dad actively campaigned for ) No cacti in bloom yet.  I walked the labyrinth a few times, which was built to honor a loved one who was lost at age 23(not one of mine mind you but just the same).  Of note was the fellow taking a sunset walk with his cat wrapped up in a blankie.  A pit bull/mastiff dog combo and owner who gave me some desert tips and information.  So......daily exercise of different types.......I'm not sure what kind of ------thon I'm going for now.  Swimming in the pool which I do believe has some mineral composition.  And all the travel was so smooth.  I got random selection for a palm scan at the airport and I'm like........."tell me more, tell me more"...........he didn't however.  Otherwise I got all the pre TSA clearance both ways.......I mean I don't mind really taking my boots off at all.......that weird scanner is something though........Woody Allen's orgasmitron or something..........I just did the walk through the other one.

 

Oh, I did miss the cat and my dear bunky friend.......a lot.  I can kind of bring them along anywhere though.......I mean in that way that I know they would enjoy some of the things and people that I do........well maybe not the cat.......she's a house queen.......friends though I think I mean.

 

Home again to some snow.  Yay.  House guests for a few days at the end of the month.  Soldier on with Voc Rehab and training/goals.  Get the car on in..........again.  Plan more travel without hesitation.  Yay!!!

 

Excellent sleep too......in my cocoon room at Mums.  I just crossed paths with my sibs at the end.......was nice though.......Love my family of origin.  And my cousin and his cousin....   Way out of my comfort zone on a couple occasions and happy to report that it was fine, I was fine.........Life is good.   And it's good to be home again too.  Oh oh.......and it's good when home travels with me anywhere as it often does........

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

 

 

 

Edited February 11, 2018 by manymoretodays
oh, I always elaborate somewhere

[manymoretodays]

On 1/24/2018 at 8:52 PM, manymoretodays said:

 

 

I sought care way back when.........for what I thought was a curable "depression"..........oh, such a long time ago and I was a medical professional and just eating on up all the latest/greatest developments, which I thought were scientific and sound just like "critical care" was.  "Depression" as a label(and people admitting they had it) was coming out of the closets and this new great cure/theory had arrived.  Or so I rather innocently believed.  I could not have been more wrong.  I'm pretty sure Prozac might have been one of my first medications tried.  It also coincided with me suddenly having suicidal ideation.  Ugh. 

 

 

I just thought I would elaborate on this answer to Dave B. too.  Regarding his question around "anxiety" above.  I think I did have and have always had some general social fears and such.  When I first sought care though.......I forgot to mention........that I think a lot of it, my discomfort and hoping for a cure for that, etc.............was situational and my ability(or inability) to adapt to changes.  I was a newlywed, in grad school, working FT career, and we had just bought a home.  I also had lost a really good job.........really due to me avoiding some issues I was having there.  And in retrospect.......as I continued onward and ?upward.........I think that sometimes I just didn't acknowledge when things........were........just........a.......bad........fit.......or that maybe I did not need to try to be as I thought everyone expected me to be, even while I was not really being that anyway.  I am sure that is perfectly clear......  I strive for clarity................oh and I keep changing colors here as well.......a little bit.

 

In retrospect though.......it is for me......what it is.......I am thankful for it all really.  My journey.   I only wish to be part of something different for others now.......either educating, or providing alternative choices, or just plain letting people be how they are sometimes.  I do so love variety.

 

S'okay.  Best and Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and  growth(I just can't find yet a good forest green)

manymoretodays

Edited February 11, 2018 by manymoretodays

[samanthaelizabeth]

On 2/11/2018 at 9:15 AM, manymoretodays said:

 

.............was situational and my ability(or inability) to adapt to changes.  I was a newlywed, in grad school, working FT career, and we had just bought a home.  I also had lost a really good job.........really due to me avoiding some issues I was having there.  And in retrospect.......as I continued onward and ?upward.........I think that sometimes I just didn't acknowledge when things........were........just........a.......bad........fit.......or that maybe I did not need to try to be as I thought everyone expected me to be, even while I was not really being that anyway.  I am sure that is perfectly clear......  I strive for clarity................oh and I keep changing colors here as well.......a little bit.

 

Hello MM-thank you for your kind words earlier.  Your story has caught my attention! You sound like me working, just buying a home, needing to be what I thought everyone expected me to be..Anyway, I read your story from the beginning and fast forward to now and WOW you are doing great. I am truly inspired!

Love-Sam

[manymoretodays]

Oh.  Hey Sam.  Well thanks for reading.  That was then, however, and unfortunately I didn't know then what I know now.  As far as personal growth goes through the years.  And continues.

 

And boy howdy.......I so do encourage you to, as you can.........do as much as you can as far as research goes, as far as your MS diagnosis.  While on vacation/family visit just recently........I met a woman, my age or perhaps younger even..........who had been given a "dementia" diagnosis.  Oh my........I thought and then she talked about the medications given to her........she did not disclose.  But sometimes..........just being given a diagnosis is so very, very difficult.  Never mind the random sometimes effects of medication.  Makes it difficult to really heal with some of the less than direct diagnoses.  I mean I think most doctors mean well and learn to wear some kind of coats of armor emotionally.

 

Anyway.......what used to be so certain for me........as far as knowing some truths...........is no longer.  In my case.  A good thing.  A very good and hopeful thing.  It's a bit weird though.  In a good way I hope.

 

And another boy howdy.........do I remember?...........as far as when I could not/did not know..........what was going on with me..........and my emotions and even interactions with others were so far from who I am.........I mean I remember all that anger/angst, and sheer terror, and bottomless pits.  And honestly.........I don't mind reading about it, or trying even to see how can I best help.  I mean especially here, with withdrawal, and medication effects.  I have much to learn..........thankfully.  Always room for growth.  But this place is a Godsend sometimes.  And I do believe that we have some of the best collected knowledge around some of the psychomedications and then the coming off of them in a very judicious harm reduction way.  Which I didn't so often.

 

I've got to read up on your Copaxone still.  And as I was told early on here..........well, someone said to me........if they were me and it was doable for me.......that perhaps I should just take some time early on, which I did, and it helped.  A lot.  Life isn't a race.

 

Boy howdy???    Who is this woman?  Why does she talk this way?  Out loud laugh.  And I should and will do some of my prep now for my appointment tomorrow with my voc rehab counselor.  Sheesh, I even found a job to apply for........just one of those PT, learn, use new skills things.  It's been awhile since I did a job application so I'm not expecting much.  It's at the nearby ski resort spa though........and I'd get perks and discounts.........ski ing and author talks and other stuff.  I digress.

 

Thank you Sam.  Very kind of you.

 

mmt

Edited February 13, 2018 by manymoretodays

[samanthaelizabeth]

On 2/12/2018 at 9:54 PM, manymoretodays said:

Oh.  Hey Sam.  Well thanks for reading.  That was then, however, and unfortunately I didn't know then what I know now.  As far as personal growth goes through the years.  And continues.

 

And boy howdy.......I so do encourage you to, as you can.........do as much as you can as far as research goes, as far as your MS diagnosis.  While on vacation/family visit just recently........I met a woman, my age or perhaps younger even..........who had been given a "dementia" diagnosis.  Oh my........I thought and then she talked about the medications given to her........she did not disclose.  But sometimes..........just being given a diagnosis is so very, very difficult.  Never mind the random sometimes effects of medication.  Makes it difficult to really heal with some of the less than direct diagnoses.  I mean I think most doctors mean well and learn to wear some kind of coats of armor emotionally.

 

Anyway.......what used to be so certain for me........as far as knowing some truths...........is no longer.  In my case.  A good thing.  A very good and hopeful thing.  It's a bit weird though.  In a good way I hope.

 

And another boy howdy.........do I remember?...........as far as when I could not/did not know..........what was going on with me..........and my emotions and even interactions with others were so far from who I am.........I mean I remember all that anger/angst, and sheer terror, and bottomless pits.  And honestly.........I don't mind reading about it, or trying even to see how can I best help.  I mean especially here, with withdrawal, and medication effects.  I have much to learn..........thankfully.  Always room for growth.  But this place is a Godsend sometimes.  And I do believe that we have some of the best collected knowledge around some of the psychomedications and then the coming off of them in a very judicious harm reduction way.  Which I didn't so often.

 

I've got to read up on your Copaxone still.  And as I was told early on here..........well, someone said to me........if they were me and it was doable for me.......that perhaps I should just take some time early on, which I did, and it helped.  A lot.  Life isn't a race.

 

Boy howdy???    Who is this woman?  Why does she talk this way?  Out loud laugh.  And I should and will do some of my prep now for my appointment tomorrow with my voc rehab counselor.  Sheesh, I even found a job to apply for........just one of those PT, learn, use new skills things.  It's been awhile since I did a job application so I'm not expecting much.  It's at the nearby ski resort spa though........and I'd get perks and discounts.........ski ing and author talks and other stuff.  I digress.

 

Thank you Sam.  Very kind of you.

 

mmt

Oh thanks for the reply.  I'm starting my transition to liquid tomorrow morning.  After the transition, then i start tapering.  Yes, I thought before Zoloft I had very good coping skills, considering my childhood and everything.  I guess I have to retrain my brain!  

Sam

[manymoretodays]

Hey Sam,

Yes, I believe that's part of it.  This getting through W/D and then maintaining.  Call it brain retraining, a belief and practice to enhance neuroplasticity, or something else.......ah, resiliency comes to mind.  And there is a special beauty in it all.  At least that's how I feel about it all on the good and good enough days.  Beauty I suppose in the transformation of ourselves.......something like that anyway.  Pain leads to growth? 

 

........And.......a bit of an update for me.  Live from the Winter Wonderland I now find myself in.  And cold........yowser.   Snow......the good kind......so pretty.

 

I am a gonna get my car in tomorrow, as it's a holiday today here in the States.  Presidents day.  Oh yah......the car place is open and I am hoping for the best........still though.......trying to come to grips with if the diagnosis is dire AND expensive.......I might have to make a tough decision.  Asking for positive car intentions???  On the plus side.  A new friend is going to look at it and do his very best I am sure. 

 

So......Presidents day.  However, I shall re name it for us all, just for today............ let's all take and make it a both Virtual and On the Ground/in real life(do I owe credit to or a citation of whom ever first said......."On the Ground" here........I thank you, what a great term).  Okay.......so today is........Virtual and On the Ground Self Care Day..........I'm dead serious, well living serious.  Best care, best self talk, best all around acknowledgement of your own best self.  Perhaps some idle Epsom salt baths.  Your favorite music.  Time with your pet.  Or even maybe your husband(s)(singular but in general) or special dear one.  Me, I even have special comfort clothing I like to wear sometimes.........don't laugh.......okay laugh your heads off if it makes you feel bettah..........my overalls.  Oh.......I even have a newer pair but I think I shall don the old worn, holey ones.........hmmmm, Holy?      A pocket for everything and even everything's brother, if you will.  The downside being if I have to use the facilities of course.......must unload several pockets and........well........it's doable.

 

Perhaps I'll continue later.........I need to head on out for a bit.....

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

Edited February 19, 2018 by manymoretodays

[manymoretodays]

So......todays update continued.

Feeling just a tad of that......not enough time in the day........the past few days only really.  Work on getting a job......... prep type stuff, research...... and then applications/resume.  General household upkeep and cleaning, and car maintenance stuff and decisions.   Factor in some yoga, swims, saunas, walk/runs.  And then time with friends and family.  And maybe that........not enough time in the day is......? a sign to slow down a bit........take more time before getting back into the PT semiretired paid workforce.   Anyway.......usually it all settles but as I wasn't working for pay before I got serious with W/D.......maybe it's harder to get back, or maybe I should just live more cheaply?  I'm not really too, too into all the upwardly mobile stuff like 30 year olds are.  Not anymore.  Not real sure I ever was.   

 

I think I do, however, tolerate stress and situations.......oh, so very much better than when in the thick of all the neuroemotions.  It's just a matter of deciding how much I want to do that might create stress, and is it worth it?

 

So that's that part.  Meanwhile the days are lengthening as far as daylight and that's always nice.  Also thankful for the winter, snow weather around here........I like it........

 

Minimal aches and pains.  It's usually in the upper back and neck area if I feel discomfort.

 

Pretty much back to just the el cheapo reading glasses.  Blurry stuff at distances has cleared for the most part.  Night driving is okay........I found out my headlights were low.  The antiglare I got in my glasses made all the other headlights way worse.  Headlights these days ARE more penetrating.

 

Same supplements as noted.  Maybe another drop on the melatonin soon.

 

Seriously.  Most all days ARE good and good enough days.  So am feeling very fortunate.  May the force continue to be with me.   

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

 

And so, also........when I headed on out today, in the snow, with the sun hazily coming through.........I came up to the mouth of the canyon where I turn and there were a bunch of mountain goats(had to be), short in stature, some with horns........all gathered in the road.  It was great........I couldn't pause as there was a fellow behind me, yet did pause and reflect......that.....it is still a very beautiful World.

Edited February 20, 2018 by manymoretodays
elaboration!

[manymoretodays]

Morning.  Seems I am in the snow zone.  The birds are excited.  And oh my........I am lightened up, as far as hair goes and length.   It'll be fine.  Yikes.  It's always yikes the morning after.......  

 

Awaiting the auto/car verdict.  Ski day or days/daze coming soon. 

 

I am just going to repost here on my intro/journal, a really simple, smile invoking, rebalancing......Qigong exercise/practice.  Take a look. 

 

And I met Virginia last night........as in Virginia who wrote to "Dear Abby" many years ago regarding if Santa exists.  Correct me if I'm wrong on that.........anyway, I have a friend more locally......... whom up until now I have never met.  And we don't talk much on the phone anymore.  However we did back last July, perhaps August even.......and then through the fall of 2017.  And I did have a bit of a fall this past fall.  Hopefully my last one.......as far as wave-ish-ness........more intense. 

 

Back to Virginia though.    Some synchronicity I believe.......that we should actually meet last evening.......one of those coincidences.  My point.  Do I have a point ?  Well she was dressed similar to, and reminds me a bit, of the woman in the back in this Qigong exercise.  And I really did need to meet her and remember some of her kind counsel, freely given and oh, I'm sure we will talk again sometime soon.  I hope she will call me when struggling.  I do.  And so........does Santa really exist?  Virginia does.  And I believe.  And may the Universe smile on us all today.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLRQ-hmaaBA

 

Haola!

 

mmt

 

Edited February 23, 2018 by manymoretodays

[Frogie]

Wish we were in the snow zone. We are under a winter weather advisory but only 1-3 inches and ice.

 

Where my granddaughter lives they were only supposed to get an inch yesterday and got 6 inches.

 

That would be great!

 

Hope you have a great day!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[manymoretodays]

Hi Froglet!

We've been getting off and on snow all week now.  My most amazing neighbors have taken care of my drive.  Well today......I may do it myself.  So pretty still and decent, if not the best......powder snow!!!

 

And......I finally got the latest diagnosis and cost on my dear car.  I'll do it.  It's pricey.  And then.......try not to delay on further thoughts/decisions of possibly selling her.  Chhhhh.....chhhh.......change.........is tough sometimes. 

 

My house guests arrive this week too.  And I honestly have not gone overboard on readying........maybe the opposite?  It's family.  They'll no doubt be a bit thrown though, maybe not, probably not.......I don't think this set, has been here for a few years now.  And only one of them came then.   I used to be such an obsessive little housekeeper, perfectionist.......ugh.  I would follow my son and his little friends around with a sponge.......I kid you not.  This place was almost new when he was little.  I would wipe their little handprints off the walls as they went........oh man........I am glad I am medication free now, some of it was due to that...........some was due to........I don't know what.......maybe my basic desire to surpass everyone else as far as housekeeping???!!!!  Or something like that.  Ouuuhh, though..........control issues, that could be it.  If I could control my home or something........  I like Carl Jung now.  Even his stuff over complicates everything sometimes though.  I mean I have always liked his stuff.   And of course, I have a nice book he wrote that I might read soon.

 

Kind of thinking of getting a dog someday.  I'm reading another Shirley Maclaine book about her and her dog.  I finished her other book and then have one more to go.  Hey, Shirley......if you post here and read this......hi!  You never know.  She is very spiritual.  Anyway.......so I am paying attention to dogs lately.  Betsey Ross cat is not in agreement with this idea though.  She is so very fat still too.  Trying to work her down to less calories per day anyway.  She goes outside but doesn't really exercise much.  Maybe when Spring comes.

 

A couple job openings came and went before I got an application in.  My Voc Rehab counselor is helpful though...... and I have begun gathering my stuff, references and what the heck HAVE I been doing for the last several years, type of information.  So I can package and sell myself to the best option.

 

And ahhhh.  Sunday, and I may go visit my son for a bit, in a bit today!!!  I did tell you guys how much I like Sundays, right ee ooo.  So peaceful.  I already see the Sun.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth baby growth....

 

manymoretodays

[manymoretodays]

Well.  Definitely purple for my own introduction/journal today.  My journey gets tougher.......or so it seems in the last 24 hours.  Family stuff.  My son/Sun.

 

As in the beginning, when I first arrived here.........positive intentions and prayers..........whatever you can muster on up for him.......for us.

 

And I struggle.......between getting him into the "system" so to speak........or just "turning him in"(which I cannot do and he has not caused anyone else harm but himself and all those that Love him)..........he's open with me anyway, and we'll get through the day, then the week(he is having some suicidal ideation.....no plan thankfully......a job to go to).......he's moving again........I think that change is what is the most scary for him.......and it's all around lately..........and then that old expectations and then disappointments.  ((((((((Sun)))))))))

 

Much gratitude.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth........strength and courage today as well,

manymoretodays

Edited February 26, 2018 by manymoretodays

[Kristine]

 

5 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Well.  Definitely purple for my own introduction/journal today.  My journey gets tougher.......or so it seems in the last 24 hours.  Family stuff.  My son/Sun.

 

As in the beginning, when I first arrived here.........positive intentions and prayers..........whatever you can muster on up for him.......for us.

 

And I struggle.......between getting him into the "system" so to speak........or just "turning him in"(which I cannot do and he has not caused anyone else harm but himself and all those that Love him)..........he's open with me anyway, and we'll get through the day, then the week(he is having some suicidal ideation.....no plan thankfully......a job to go to).......he's moving again........I think that change is what is the most scary for him.......and it's all around lately..........and then that old expectations and then disappointments.  ((((((((Sun)))))))))

Hey Lovely MMT,  I'm so sorry your son is suffering and of course you as his mother are suffering also.  This is a unique and brutal pain...a pain which is due to the unconditional love for your son (sun - I like that).  I feel as mothers, our love is stitched so deep that it hurts us when those stitches are pulled.  Just know I am thinking of you and sending you hugs across the oceans...as you know you hold a special place in my heart. Much Love K xo 

[Frogie]

On February 25, 2018 at 10:42 AM, manymoretodays said:

Hi Froglet!

We've been getting off and on snow all week now.  My most amazing neighbors have taken care of my drive.  Well today......I may do it myself.  So pretty still and decent, if not the best......powder snow!!!

 

And......I finally got the latest diagnosis and cost on my dear car.  I'll do it.  It's pricey.  And then.......try not to delay on further thoughts/decisions of possibly selling her.  Chhhhh.....chhhh.......change.........is tough sometimes. 

 

My house guests arrive this week too.  And I honestly have not gone overboard on readying........maybe the opposite?  It's family.  They'll no doubt be a bit thrown though, maybe not, probably not.......I don't think this set, has been here for a few years now.  And only one of them came then.   I used to be such an obsessive little housekeeper, perfectionist.......ugh.  I would follow my son and his little friends around with a sponge.......I kid you not.  This place was almost new when he was little.  I would wipe their little handprints off the walls as they went........oh man........I am glad I am medication free now, some of it was due to that...........some was due to........I don't know what.......maybe my basic desire to surpass everyone else as far as housekeeping???!!!!  Or something like that.  Ouuuhh, though..........control issues, that could be it.  If I could control my home or something........  I like Carl Jung now.  Even his stuff over complicates everything sometimes though.  I mean I have always liked his stuff.   And of course, I have a nice book he wrote that I might read soon.

 

Kind of thinking of getting a dog someday.  I'm reading another Shirley Maclaine book about her and her dog.  I finished her other book and then have one more to go.  Hey, Shirley......if you post here and read this......hi!  You never know.  She is very spiritual.  Anyway.......so I am paying attention to dogs lately.  Betsey Ross cat is not in agreement with this idea though.  She is so very fat still too.  Trying to work her down to less calories per day anyway.  She goes outside but doesn't really exercise much.  Maybe when Spring comes.

 

A couple job openings came and went before I got an application in.  My Voc Rehab counselor is helpful though...... and I have begun gathering my stuff, references and what the heck HAVE I been doing for the last several years, type of information.  So I can package and sell myself to the best option.

 

And ahhhh.  Sunday, and I may go visit my son for a bit, in a bit today!!!  I did tell you guys how much I like Sundays, right ee ooo.  So peaceful.  I already see the Sun.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth baby growth....

 

manymoretodays

Hi MMT:

 

We were under a winter storm warning over the weekend and we didn't get one flake of snow and now it's supposed to be in the 50-60's. It's winter! Can't Mr. Winter figure that out! Lol...

 

Glad you got your car fixed. My fiancé and I bought a new one last year. A Ford Escape. I didn't want to get rid of my car. But it had over 200,000 miles on her and was starting to nickel and dime us. I really miss her, but a grandpa bought it for his granddaughter for school. Perfect car for that.

 

If it's your relatives coming I wouldn't worry about your house. I always say they come to see me, if they don't like my house they don't have to look.

 

We watched NASCAR and the Bachelor. Nothing exciting, did laundry.

 

I stopped the thyroid med again. I went back to the dr Saturday because Synthroid was making me sick. He is going to watch my blood work and figure something out. I wonder if it's the fillers they use in these meds making me sick. Flowers wrote on my thread that in WD your body is sensitive to things you weren't sensitive to before. I found an all natural one, it only has 2 fillers and they are both natural. If I don't get better I'm going to ask the dr about it.

 

I forgot to say I'm going to taper at the end of the month.

 

Hope you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[manymoretodays]

Doing okay. 

 

More snow on the way!  How much are you tapering percentage wise Frogie?  That's great that you feel ready.   My car is back.  Bills are due.  And I hear you as far as getting rid of one of these old cars.  Hope I can report a new one in the next century or so........  Life goes on.  The houseguests are plenty comfortable.  I'll just have to hit housekeeper mode when they leave.  Glad they are here.   It's been a little hard though, to be honest........even with family.........messing up my nest, on my computer........  Dietary concerns.  I still don't share all that well sometimes.

 

Thanks Kristine.  Stressed........ugh.  Trying to pretend that I'm on vacation with my houseguests/family.............  Not sure if I'll hit the slopes with my brother next week.  Hope so.   Feeling insecure.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

[Frogie]

7 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Doing okay. 

 

More snow on the way!  How much are you tapering percentage wise Frogie?  That's great that you feel ready.   My car is back.  Bills are due.  And I hear you as far as getting rid of one of these old cars.  Hope I can report a new one in the next century or so........  Life goes on.  The houseguests are plenty comfortable.  I'll just have to hit housekeeper mode when they leave.  Glad they are here.   It's been a little hard though, to be honest........even with family.........messing up my nest, on my computer........  Dietary concerns.  I still don't share all that well sometimes.

 

Thanks Kristine.  Stressed........ugh.  Trying to pretend that I'm on vacation with my houseguests/family.............  Not sure if I'll hit the slopes with my brother next week.  Hope so.   Feeling insecure.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

You are so lucky to be getting snow! And only a ways away from me. We are in the upper 60's and lower 70's. I want snow! 25% chance of rain on Sunday, but I'm sure that will change before Sunday comes along. I'm going to taper 10%. I get along with that pretty well. Around the 3rd or 4th day I get a little nauseous for a couple of days, but I'm used to it now. It goes away. If it wasn't for my fiancé we wouldn't have a new car. But I really miss my car. It was the 1st brand new car I bought on my own after my divorce. And it lasted me 12 years, so I did ok. You'll be ok with your house guests. Just remember they aren't there forever and you have company. I wish I did. I see my Uncle for holidays but then I'm back to being alone.

Have fun skiing. I tried it a few times when I was much younger and just couldn't do it. But love to water ski and wave runners.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[manymoretodays]

Hi Frogie,

On the car.......pfffft, it's just a thing.  Perhaps I'll delve into public transit.  Everything happens for a reason.  I may need just enough car to get to the bus area and then make connections.  

 

And yes, the snow is grrrreat for my brother who is off for a more intense ski ing adventure soon.

 

22 minutes ago, Frogie said:

I'm going to taper 10%. I get along with that pretty well.

 

Wishing you the best.  I would go for less of a decrease if I were you.  However, I am not you.  I take it that you have already made the change, or did you mean at the end of March?  Do track symptoms the best you can........over on your introduction/journal.  And put the decrease in your signature boldly or something.   Hoping for the best with your vision, headaches, and any thyroid symptoms.  Lexapro/escitalpram...........not my best days adjusting to a too quick taper on that one, as well as a difficult uninformed crossover to liquid.  Glad that is behind me.

 

Happy ides of March.......good ides.........great ides..........  Looks like the ides wasn't necessarily on the first of March.  Shakespeare.   The saying goes......beware of the ides of March.........  I'll go with the February 15th date for myself as it's past.  Looking forward to the healing tides of March.  

 

Houseguests up soon and a busy day to come.   I've got to get to the bills before breakfast.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

manymoretodays

Edited March 1, 2018 by manymoretodays