Moderator brassmonkey Posted October 13, 2015 Moderator Share Posted October 13, 2015 One thing about the 12 steps, personal development, self discovery and the like is that it is an ongoing process. A person doesn't just do it once but continuously through out their life. The first few times through, the process generally is done step by step but after a while they all meld together and are done with out thinking about them. So the self improvement becomes a natural part of life. It's interesting that each time through a set of steps the results will be a bit different as circumstances change, but core values become very evident as a foundation on which that change can happen. Even in WD those core values underlie everything that we do, because of the drugs they are sometimes easier to ignore, but they are still there. This is why it is so important that while we are going through WD that we continually monitor and examine out "current" beliefs and behaviors, in an attempt to stay true to our buried real selves. it is also important to address the past issues that have caused us trouble through out our lives to clear away to "deadwood" of the past so we can emerge truly better for the experience. To not do so would be a shameful waste of what we have passed through. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 13, 2015 Share Posted October 13, 2015 Appropriate tears today really.........life can be difficult at times........so much to grieve for if we put our minds to it. But also so very much to live joyously for. I can sure relate to this...especially after the holiday weekend here. Life can indeed, be very tough sometimes. And on the flip side, there's a lot to be grateful for...both in the past, as well as in the present. I'll be curious to hear about what your doctor thought you were praying for..and what he believes you "should be" wishing for instead. A comment like that would have sent me off the deep end...but then, I have no love for doctors these days. I hope you enjoy paradise today MMT... Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 14, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 14, 2015 One thing about the 12 steps, personal development, self discovery and the like is that it is an ongoing process. A person doesn't just do it once but continuously through out their life. The first few times through, the process generally is done step by step but after a while they all meld together and are done with out thinking about them. So the self improvement becomes a natural part of life. It's interesting that each time through a set of steps the results will be a bit different as circumstances change, but core values become very evident as a foundation on which that change can happen. Even in WD those core values underlie everything that we do, because of the drugs they are sometimes easier to ignore, but they are still there. This is why it is so important that while we are going through WD that we continually monitor and examine out "current" beliefs and behaviors, in an attempt to stay true to our buried real selves. it is also important to address the past issues that have caused us trouble through out our lives to clear away to "deadwood" of the past so we can emerge truly better for the experience. To not do so would be a shameful waste of what we have passed through. I am just going to savor that wisdom brassmonkey........I just cannot shorten your user name to bm.........maybe you don't get the joke, but you know bm would be basically poop. And I am pooped.........I somehow made it through today. And can't believe yet that I wrote what I wrote this morning. I am beyond stressed at the moment........almost afraid to sleep........that I will miss the jail pickup of the associate........or somehow freak out not just internally but externally, as I have to at least show my face at this conference planning meeting after that. I got one call from associate today and several.........I mean several others that I missed.........and then tried to call back........one can't do that to a short term inmate.......call back. He is fine. He will be out early and I will be waiting and get through tomorrow all masked up.........and be strong for another 24. But......I kept going on into some "worried" thinking that then became near panic. My hair looks great anyway. See previous post somewhere. Thank you for the wisdom. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 14, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 14, 2015 Appropriate tears today really.........life can be difficult at times........so much to grieve for if we put our minds to it. But also so very much to live joyously for. I can sure relate to this...especially after the holiday weekend here. Life can indeed, be very tough sometimes. And on the flip side, there's a lot to be grateful for...both in the past, as well as in the present. I'll be curious to hear about what your doctor thought you were praying for..and what he believes you "should be" wishing for instead. A comment like that would have sent me off the deep end...but then, I have no love for doctors these days. I hope you enjoy paradise today MMT... I didn't press the issue but told him that was not a good thing to say.........given my state of mind during that last appointment. Said nicely. And after some heartfelt conversation........I managed to get to all my items on my list. We have a good working relationship as a result. We had intelligent conversation. I felt like an equal.....a respected equal. I thanked him for being encouraging and supportive........and he was. Sheesh.....I forgot to ask if he knew of any naturopaths........oh well....... After that.......well sometimes paradise can be turned upside down.........and it was. When all those calls from the jail kept coming through.......and my utter confusion as to trying to find some meaning in that.........calls that leave odd messages about not accepting further calls options and/or trying to put some credit on my phone to accept further calls or something that was not easily figured out from the awful instructions.............and I might have savored the one that came through where the associate sounded just fine.........until there were more. I was out and about and could not answer. Thankfully.........finally some clarity........finally, just this past half hour. He got privileges apparently and called me because there was probably not a whole lot else to do. And he will be out tomorrow and so what if I miss my conference planning meeting.........I mean things come up for everyone..........unexpected little twists and such. I am..........I don't know what I am at this moment........I am fingers on a keyboard. I am searching. I am calmer than I have been for several hours now. Thank you. Today was tougher than anticipated. And now it is okay. Exhale. Stretch. I may only get a few hours of sleep in tonight but I promise to be cautious and careful and just do the best I can........ Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted October 14, 2015 Moderator Share Posted October 14, 2015 Hi MMT-- it sounds like you're handling things as well as could be expected, it is a pretty stressful and confusing situation. Breath through each event and then let it drop away when it's over and don't worry about the next one until it comes up, and you'll be fine. I realized those initials the day after I took the name and have resigned my self to it, thanks for caring to not shorten it. I surprised that very few people actually use the contraction though. ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 14, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 14, 2015 Hi MMT-- it sounds like you're handling things as well as could be expected, it is a pretty stressful and confusing situation. Breath through each event and then let it drop away when it's over and don't worry about the next one until it comes up, and you'll be fine. I realized those initials the day after I took the name and have resigned my self to it, thanks for caring to not shorten it. I surprised that very few people actually use the contraction though. ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Lol.......maybe you didn't catch the further funnies........and maybe they weren't there at all. And........back......... What a wonderful lesson today too, while at conference planning........and even more encouragement support.......sometimes when I least expect it.........it's so bonding. "Conversation cafes". More pretty cool stuff.......could be applied anywhere. And lunch with a dear, dear.........shall I say deer? Another role model for sure and I think it is okay that I "could" be her mother..........I think it is great! Besides growing up to be a "Merlene"..........I would also like to be known for 2 words.........well maybe 4.............thank you. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
AliG Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 MMT. How did it go , with your boy ? I hope all is good . You wouldn't read about it. Just as my daughter is leaving, ( for London, indefinitely. ) my youngest turns up, wanting food & shelter ! Lucky , I'm out of here. Going to " Thailand ". LOL. Over it . They can fend for themselves ! What is it , with these kids ? Love, Ali. . Hope you're still going well. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 15, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 15, 2015 He did his jail time and is doing well. Still to come........no driving for 120 days, a breathalyzer car starting thing, another evaluation, attendance with the Mother's against drunk driving, and the charge was a misdemeanor as well. So all good. Have a fun travel. Me too........soon. Oh, with the travel. And good.......very well with brief drops of spirit is all. Very well. Thank you for asking. Excellent weather, beautiful colors help a lot. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 16, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 16, 2015 Kind of a toughie later today. As I adapt to AA and get familiar with this one group I am becoming aware of so much of the BS that goes on. Or maybe it just feels like that tonight. And then there are the numbers being treated with psychotropic medications. I don't feel like it is my place in the meetings to educate everyone who comes into the rooms. Or just what to say to them after a meeting. I will, however........keep at it. The Alanon groups are small and just not the same. Work my steps in some semblance of order........do the best I can. Kind of dreading therapy in the AM as well. But.......I'll go I am sure. Just missing something lately........the longer days I suppose a bit. And not always feeling that sense of peace. Just not as productive of a week as I had hoped. Kind of half day depressions.......not real low..........and moving through them..........just walked today. I meant to stay out and do Yoga but felt so baffled after the meeting and a couple of errands. I am going to set my mind on finding small miracles. They are there. Savor them. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 16, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 16, 2015 So.......I said I would play it by how I felt. And can always go another time. To the sweat lodge........ I just listened to Will Hall's talk on shamans and such. I think I have 2 more such talks to listen to. Just not sure that I am ready for another spiritual experience, as yes, I have had a few through the years. I can go in and out of the lodge at will.......and certainly will ask about......... and abstain, from any substances offered. It's in a nice area........that I haven't had a chance or reason to go to for a few years........I am thinking the drive and community will be nice. Community......not fellowship, it is called. Food included later in the day. Not even going to worry about bringing something........should I go. I am trying way too hard for some kind of perfection in behavior........this I observe about meself. Trying so hard to fit on in everywhere.........when I am still so very much of a square peg.......going for the round hole.........I just have to eventually see the value of square holes again. And why?........twice now.......out of the blue comes someone talking about relationships........of the male/female kind..........and this theory.........pretty easy to understand and so I get it. Typically.......and of course we are not all typical.........males do this thing, have this way...........of being......... where everything is neatly composed in boxes of this or that.........without much overlap. Where we females often do the circle thing.........tons of overlap.........everything related to everything else. And it does make it difficult..........sometimes........but I like it. It make sense. Lol. Probably not explained very well. The square peg thing was a segway(?sedgeway).....meaning I am trying to explain how I went from square pegs to the poorly explained(by me) box and circle theory of male and female brain/emotion workings. When I get it right......and tease out my thoughts and words more.......maybe I can put it in the relationship section. Or if a reader has a link? Do share. Amazing really how much one off day of sleep can affect my ability to stay calm about it all. I am still catching up from Tuesday night.......trying to get back on routine schedule. A solid 6 hours last night. Still dreading my therapy appointment........which is pre-lunch time. Wanting to control the universe a bit. Not helpful at all.......controlling the universe or thinking too hard about all the what ifs. And so it goes........ I kind of reached a stalemate with my 4th step........fearless moral inventory. Although, I said I would take it slow........the steps........and am........so that should not bother me. I am somewhat happier about the time change, coming soon, and even less daylight. Nothing to fear here about the loneliness of withdrawal, even with company, more frequently than before. I've got this. I do. I won't isolate. I promise. But I do need to hibernate for larger pieces of the day........or so I am finding. Still hoping for a wild weather winter. Yes, I am weird that way. I knew from the start that this would be a challenge........and that many more to days were required. And today........well thankful for today and all my blessings. A bit rambly..........so maybe more later. I think I need a new journal.........I keep drawing pictures of people in the old one.........when I have a hard time listening and am in group situations. So.......it's pretty full. And I still like typing........I find it therapeutic for my health related issues/ W/D. Thanks again for my space here. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 16, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 16, 2015 I am thankful for therapy today after all. And other kind comfort offered. Today is difficult. I am now down to the tears. Usually relief comes shortly after the tears or..........exhaustion and hopefully some restorative sleep. Stomach is in knots but having a PB and J now. Had a banana earlier. Will try more later. Definitely a Mag Citrate night I think, when bedtime finally rolls around. Emotional dis regulation is all it is........neuroemotions. I am going to be alright. I am healing. And oh........time for a cup of Tazo tea!!!!! Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
AliG Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 Hi MMT, I have had a drop in spirit, as well. You're right , beautiful colors do help . I love your thoughts on finding small miracles. I'm trying to , as well. Some days are hard though, to find " anything", let alone , " a miracle". ( of any size. ) LOL. I don't think it's unusual to need some " time out" , for yourself. It's healthy. A lot of us need that , particularly in withdrawal. Don't feel guilty, about it. Sleep, or the lack of can make such a huge difference in the way that you feel . I think " everything " gets amplified without it. " Neuro - emotions" can run wild ! Fatigue exacerbates depression , for me at least. Maybe , for you as well. I hope you get back on schedule. I've had a difficult day , as well, so I can fully understand the tears. Had them , also. I hope tomorrow's better. Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
freespirit Posted October 17, 2015 Share Posted October 17, 2015 MMT, I think the change of seasons can contribute to feeling the need for more alone time. It's part of the cycle of things...I'm back more into my "monastic" mode too. As long as we're still having some contact, I think it's fine..and necessary really. In fact, the acupuncturist confirmed that the last time I saw her. Some of us need more quiet time than others in general...and more so during WD or grief too. I hope you were able to rest some.. Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission. Current Medications: Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats.. My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282 Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself. “After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.” ― Mary Oliver Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 18, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 18, 2015 Blivet. Had a nice nap. Got some work done. A little bit of training in the form of kitchen dancing and walking. Did I ever tell you how much I like weekends? It's going to be tough if that is when my paid work occurs........lol..........if I get a/the job. This past week seems to have settled. I am reading all about quilts now prior to cutting out some squares from clothing of yesteryear...........this is going to be fun! Firing up the stove and cooking a bit. Short days already and getting shorter quickly...........whoosh. Yes, AliG......let those kids fend for themselves a bit, all while learning to respect our wisdom and kindness and just learn some respect. He is. Meanwhile love and encourage. Don't finance or help at all with anything that you don't want to. We've been laughing a lot at this and that............today, anyway. I think he is dying for my escape though.......oops, vacation. Nice to have a housesitter petcare person. Occasional cook. I still want to teach him some end lessons too. How to drive a stick, how to type stuff that I have mastered somewhat........like how to survive anything and anybody. Thanks for the thoughts free, as always. You are the owl!!!! Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 18, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 18, 2015 Say what? Thailand....... AliG? Looks like I am going to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.......joking........hard to explain. Upper canyon......but if it's a canyon? I am going to have to look that up. I am sure it will be grand in any case. Seeing lots of good stuff to look at later. Blurry vision is better when I am feeling de-stressed. Did I mention blurry vision here? Later in the day. Going to check on in with the eye doctor before the year is up in any case. October 18th.......and nice. I have come a long long way from last year at this time........it was 11 days in the horspittal hospital. I want my money back......I do..........it was a chunk of change for the co-pay.............wrote a thank you but did not send..........that may be my first "activist" letter, otherwise.......it was not so very bad. Hard, yes, difficult to a believe in a system of care where one is punished and shunned for utilizing respite services. I could hand deliver the "activist" letter and see how I hold up........... Ummmmm.........."advocate letter". And.........let the drums roll........one year off Lexapro day for me........probably 370 days.....or so, I don't want to do the exact math/thinking on that one. Walk/dance...........happy Sunday comrades! Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted October 18, 2015 Moderator Share Posted October 18, 2015 Hi MMT-- congratulations on hitting year off, that's a big milestone. Your neck of the woods has some really beautiful canyons, and the views from the bottom looking up can be spectacular. (Something we need to remember when we're in our personal canyons.) Burn the letter and let the anger/frustration dissipate with the smoke and be absorbed by the universe. (((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))) 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
melanie Posted October 18, 2015 Share Posted October 18, 2015 October 18th.......and nice. I have come a long long way from last year at this time........it was 11 days in the horspittal hospital. I want my money back......I do..........it was a chunk of change for the co-pay.............wrote a thank you but did not send..........that may be my first "activist" letter, otherwise.......it was not so very bad. Hard, yes, difficult to a believe in a system of care where one is punished and shunned for utilizing respite services. I could hand deliver the "activist" letter and see how I hold up........... Ummmmm.........."advocate letter". And.........let the drums roll........one year off Lexapro day for me........probably 370 days.....or so, I don't want to do the exact math/thinking on that one. Walk/dance...........happy Sunday comrades! Congratulations Manymoretodays, on ditching the "happy pill" Lexapro during this gloomy season. You were one brave woman to do it... And to go to the hospital. I know mental institutions only too well. Have been there three times. And I'm going to do everything it takes not to land there again... Anyway, you're an inspiration. Will try to follow your thread as much as time/energy allow... And I won't abbreviate your name. For me, it means "one day at a time". Keep healing, Mel 1990-1992 Anafranil. OCD under control, extreme social phobia. Hospitalized for the 1st and 2nd time (out of 3). 1999-2002: Prozac 20 mg. Stopped due to severe anxiety. Increased benzo consumption. 2003-2005: AD free (therapy). Feeling good, started working. Persisted 9 yrs in full-time job. 2005-2007: Ixel (milnacipran). SNRI. 2007-2011: Lexapro 10-15 mg. Fatigue and anxiety. Mania. Insomnia. Acne. Shopoholism. Polydrugging with different meds. 2011-2013: Effexor 37,5-150 mg (mostly 75 mg). SNRI. Fatigue and depression, terrible acne with scars, now gone. April 2013: Wellbutrin 150 mg. Hot flashes, extreme appetite, aggression. May 2013 - May 2014: Prozac - from 10 mg to 0 mg, very harsh taper. Functioning great but EXTREME ANXIETY. From May 2014: tried different ADs to replace Prozac, nothing worked, terrible side effects (Seroxat, Zoloft, Luvox, Brintellix, Doxepin, Trazodone). May 2014 back to benzos (Valium) in hope of improvement, aggravated depression and anxiety. Sept. 2014: Lexapro 2,5 mg, highest dose 5 mg for 1,5 months (Spring 2015). Steady decline, anxiety, fatigue. Diagnosed with OCD, dysthymia, social phobia, anxiety disorder, insomnia, eating disorder (first bulimia, then anorexia). Current meds: Seroquel 6,25 mg for sleep - 5 mg since Nov. 5, 2015. Lexapro 1,25 mg since Aug. 4th 2015. Valium, Ambien prn, tapering. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9984-melanie-should-i-reinstate-lexapro/ Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 19, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 19, 2015 Hi MMT-- congratulations on hitting year off, that's a big milestone. Your neck of the woods has some really beautiful canyons, and the views from the bottom looking up can be spectacular. (Something we need to remember when we're in our personal canyons.) Burn the letter and let the anger/frustration dissipate with the smoke and be absorbed by the universe. (((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))) Excellent idea. And thank you brassmonkey. Just another Monday and pre- noon. I will be satisfied with the status quo this week........I will........I am. It appears I am into the hard stuff for a bit. I am going to turn all my expectations down a few notches and keep it very simple. One thing about the 12 steps, personal development, self discovery and the like is that it is an ongoing process. A person doesn't just do it once but continuously through out their life. The first few times through, the process generally is done step by step but after a while they all meld together and are done with out thinking about them. So the self improvement becomes a natural part of life. It's interesting that each time through a set of steps the results will be a bit different as circumstances change, but core values become very evident as a foundation on which that change can happen. Even in WD those core values underlie everything that we do, because of the drugs they are sometimes easier to ignore, but they are still there. This is why it is so important that while we are going through WD that we continually monitor and examine out "current" beliefs and behaviors, in an attempt to stay true to our buried real selves. it is also important to address the past issues that have caused us trouble through out our lives to clear away to "deadwood" of the past so we can emerge truly better for the experience. To not do so would be a shameful waste of what we have passed through. And yes to this as great haste has that potential of leading to great waste. I proceed with joyful caution and new awareness....... and yes, will embrace all these visitors of fall and winter. Looks like I need a pair of pinking shears too. Re: my quilt. I could have sworn I had some...........no where to be found though............hmmmmm. And yah.......today was my discharge date from horsespittal. Once again any readers.........and I repeat.......do not do what I had done.........titrate those meds. down please..........read all you can on this site........ask questions........get it clear.........titrate down, and I will add at that 10%..........as.......I think I could have avoided a whole lot of suffering, and I wish that for you as well.......less suffering for all day!!!!! Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
AliG Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 ManyMoreTodays , Congratulations ! One year off. Party hats and fireworks needed! Well done, you. Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 21, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 21, 2015 Third try. Just me.......I can't seem to prioritize what to report so will hold. Just a busy feeling day. And tired tonight. Not a real wave or anything.........it's just this busy ness is a bit startling to my system........but rolling, rolling, rolling with the.........hmmmm........not really punches....... but just newness or something.........awareness? I don't know. A pretty good 24 or so. Couple of small miracles and nice conversations. Life is interesting. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 22, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 22, 2015 Pinking shears on the ready. I expect I can get plenty of squares cut........and even if no quilt transpires........so be it. To the city tomorrow........I keep over volunteering for stuff........so I have to go in early, and then will stay over(in not so plush hotel......but it has a working pool and am hoping for the brief vacation effect). Plenty of bananas, maybe bring my own simple foods, and reading and surely wi fi exists.........maybe even a bathtub. Hopefully hot tea water as well. Sooooooooooooooooooo.........I've got all morning to ready myself for a couple of easy non paid jobs, show my face, and such. Pretty mellow anyway......very brief tear bursts if I don't keep kind of busy. An easily prompted laugh. Keeping it simple.......real simple. I think casual professional attire will do.......what do I know about working people attire anyway..............nothing to stress about really. Hoping for some further clearing of head space. Something about a hotel room......so nice and simple.......no household stuff staring me down all day..........or evening........lol........sorry.........these days just go on by so darn fast. Don't quite know what all to do about any of the resort jobs that are open......I got to the job fair........and even part time anything is 32 hours.......4 whole days. Will think on it as right now.........doing well with shorter bursts of time applied outside of home only.........eight hours in one day would be pushing it. Plus the gas and drive time........plus all those other expenses of working.......just not sure it will pay much financially at all.......when all is said and done. To possibly just recover for 3 days.........what kind of life is that? Pfffft........a realist today. Pedaling backwards and underwater quite a bit.......not on bike or swimming today........ but oh, hey.............not as lost as when I isolate........I mean hibernate/meditate/relax. Good night Chet. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 24, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 24, 2015 Peep. The hotel room was great but not kidding......no time for a swim in the pool.........can you believe that? Hardly got to hang out there at all. Like I said above......I over volunteered but it was worth it........sometimes one just has got to do what one has to do. Busy, business but all good........really. I feel a bit accomplished. And oh woah.......was nice to run into so many associates of the past........hmmmmm.......say 5 years or so. It was all so very touching. Even a fellow suicide of loved one griever. And so on the way home I stopped at his Mom's grave(he has no marker as yet or ever......not sure if his ashes will ever be interred.......it's pretty much in his daughters hands......and it all is well enough with me). So I will place another stone with dates........ after Halloween and until April 1st, the mowers had to remove my first one. The great part is.......it just is not sooooo unsettling anymore.........the things and people that I cannot control........meaning basically everyone and everything. Phheeewwwww. I look at my calendar though and realize just how way off this week has been.......my training, my attention to details with healing, etc. TGIF is all I can say now......prior to bed.......and yay.........hoping for a solid 8 hours at least. Wondering if I am getting some upper respiratory thing too.......sneezing, bit of a sore throat, and cough. Zzzzzzz time and going down to 75mg. of oxy/trilept. tonight. Less of a decrease than 10% but sounds good so will do that. It should just be easier for the next 2 weeks. No mixing required, etc. Next decrease I'll go back to the 10% and liquefying and syringes. Anyway.......nice brief break. The associate is well. Feta cheese pizza with nuts for the topping(it had sauce too).........my creative cooking endeavor. .........Oh, and I did get my "relatively small but calm and tactful voice heard by a few of my peerage". It was, afterall........just a planning type conference, for the next bigger conference of peers. I mentioned us "underserved" and the gross "underinformation" we are given when treated traditionally by our mental health providers. Someone else mentioned the sheer business aspect of health care too.......which I strongly appreciated. Will just have to see where it goes now. Sadly, I did see some who I have not seen for awhile, looking so very "unwell" and under the influence of their treatment. In anycase.........I feel less sure about where to go with my experiences........which is okay for now. I shall just stay with gratitude and not get frustrated as I am loving this part of my journey and feel........well, pretty well. Sheesh, I was just going to leave todays entry as a peep.......lol. Thank you SA.......in any case, Love you! This weekend is mine.......all mine. Wish me lots of rest. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 26, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 26, 2015 Rested up. Nice long walk. Monday, monday and bill time......kaboom! The weather is nice. I did go back to liquefying my trileptal/oxy.........as it's kind of nice to just mix up a batch every other day. I just keep it in the fridge in a brown paper bag. And knock on wood.......I hope the worst of my upper respiratory(probable virus) has past........it seems pretty good since I woke this morning. Oh.....messed up the times for a committee mtg. so I missed one. Only to find out there is another one on Weds. so all is not even close to being lost. My calm yet passionate voice will be heard one of these days. It just all feels so daunting sometimes.......... I best file some of my Lexapro withdrawal stuff in the UK, for whatever it's worth. Vacation week here in paradise.......more or less.......not sure I can swing the real travel financially right now. I'm sure it might come to reality after the bills are paid. And my associates treatment plans are more in order(he doesn't have much going really and seems a bit stalemate on his own job hunt)........not sure if it is co-dependent or just concern, but he is counting on me in that way where he doesn't say it but I know it. I guess I will say yes to another non-date date and go to a benefit dinner. No real sparks but we do laugh.......maybe there will be some celebratory of something or other dancing and music. It's after Halloween but still.......I have this urge to go Goth, whatever that is.......I have never really tried Goth. That just makes me laugh but who knows......maybe we will do it.....go in costume to a not Halloween benefit dinner. I still have a chance at a resort job.......if I can get a lot of other gears oiled and underway here......in time............basically it involves selling myself and working on my employment history, even Linked in, I hope........and alas.......not sure I am up to it............ Plenty of time I say........I have........that is..........just a bit low today is all. I think I will try lysine or L-lysine next in my supplement repertoire. Groceries, yard to bed work, and laundry today. Will add music......kitchen dance.......and smiles. Thanks all. Interesting reading as always and food for thought. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 29, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 29, 2015 Blivet. Still nursing my cold a bit. Going to head to the sauna and pool........nap later I spose. Especially the sauna........clear the sinuses and the chest and in general........the head. And into pretty neutral ground I think. Not real low.......not a ton of W/D stuff going on as far as I kind tell. Just more of this awareness.........feeling a bit wide open.........listening.........hoping. What an odd world we all live in sometimes. So many lost people.......or so it seems........fighting hard inside, they are. Proud of them. And I don't know how to help or change anyone's circumstances. I can however.......stand beside them, hold their hand so to speak, acknowledge them.......something like that. Where are all the "found people"??? LOL. Yet knowing, knowing........that I have to head in one direction or another pretty soon. Get off the fence so to speak. Wondering if the calamities that occur really do hold meaning as to what direction to go. For example my car battery was dead again yesterday.........and just as I was heading out to another committee type meeting. Charged right on up. Shouldn't have been......I have been driving a lot and all..........pretty sure I didn't leave the lights on or any reason for it being dead. Weird electrically is all. But of course........I was cutting the timing real close..........so I had to send my regrets and miss it. How much weight to put on that kind of thing? Meant to be? Meant to send me into another direction? I mean that is 2 missed this week alone........and they only occur monthly for one........and quarterly for the other. Or is it just what it is.........to be taken at face value? Maybe more later. Shaman friend says I am in middle ground. I agree. Maybe this fence is okay....... A bit of clearance today too........I imagine........then I might just go straight to some Christmas decor(but just could be Christmas decor could be other so as not to appear too weird, such as I am).........other than a pumpkin on the porch and my ambidextrous skeleton on the front door.........Boo!!!! Halloween is always fun.......people driving in their cars in costume and such........funny stuff. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted October 29, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 29, 2015 Lurch was in the sauna(from the Addams Family.....a tv show in the 60's here in the US)........he was pretty nice though, so then I decided well.....he could be a younger version of Tom Sellack(?sp). Gave me financial advice........LOL. And don't be telling me that I am now going to morph into some kind of cheery morning person........I guess that wouldn't be so horrible but........ Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted November 1, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 1, 2015 Did kind of a halfwit job of getting some online applications in to the resort. Kind of an off day......that's for sure........glad it's a weekender and Halloween. Cute kiddies and a few too old......... but better them than me into the chocolate. Snickers. Which I shall be doing next........I simply can't resist that and the sweet tarts. A couple crying jags.......neuroemotional junkola.............sheesh........everything is going well, it is. Of course the financial still seems major gloomy........ Worst is......what if I go neuroemotional on the job........I think I have gotten all wrapped up in that thought.........or another.........frustrated that it still happens and will continue to. Not really even depression.........just weird. It must be the sugar, huh? I mean it could be, right? Throwing me this way and that.........or..........good old W/D or health related issues that make me cry. I am feeling slower than molasses as well. Frustrated sometimes........but not a horrible crab........yet. Ugh. Paradise. Responsibilities. Boo hoo. Happy Halloween! Oh and time change too, here in the States..........most of them. That'll take a day to adjust to.....at least.......it might be light earlier in the am though........that'll be nice. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Fresh Posted November 1, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 1, 2015 Happy Halloween MMT. You don't need to fit in everywhere all at once . . . remember , this is a marathon , not a sprint. You've been doing great. xxx 1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg 2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months. July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months. Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg. October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive. March 2016 , 21mg Link to comment
luv2knit Posted November 1, 2015 Share Posted November 1, 2015 Thank you for stopping by my thread, MMT. Haven't had a chance to read through yours yet! Will try to do that soon. Wishing you well in your recovery!! Zoloft 100 mg. daily for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome since Oct. 1994 / Synthroid 88 mcg. daily / Supplements: Neptune Krill Oil-1,000 mg. twice daily/Astaxanthin 10 mg. twice daily/Ubiquinol 100 mg. twice daily (These 3 have allowed me to discontinue (approved by doctor) bp meds I was on. Calcium Citrate 500 mg. daily/Vitamin D3 2,400 iu daily/K2 (MK7) 100 mcg daily (osteopenia and fam. hist. of severe osteoporosis). Stress B Complex (1/2 dose)/Quercetin (for allergies/asthma)/Magnesium (400 mg. oral glycinate and about 50 mg. magnesium chloride spray oil a day, divided throughout day). Tapered Zoloft about 6 wks. Totally off since the end of July (25-29, 2014). 3 wks. vertigo at end of taper, then 3-4 wks. OK, followed by withdrawal symptoms increasing in severity (nausea, gastric disturbances, loss of appetite, insomnia, restlessness, jitters, anxiety, agitation--jumping out of my skin--possible akathisia?) Seem to have paradoxical reactions to everything new, even Vitamin C. Severity of akathisia comes and goes, but is constant to some degree. Hard to leave house, and cannot be home alone. (Retired) Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted November 4, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 4, 2015 Job interview today. Computer may be crashed. May just hold at the 75mg. trilept/oxcarb. so I don't.....crash as well....give it another week at least. Paradise....I click my heels and remember I am in paradise. Goodnight and freezing temperatures in the wee hours. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted November 5, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 5, 2015 I succumbed to starting a Z-pack, Zithromycin for my ? pneumonia........and if so, probably viral.......me thinks. Right lower lobe wasn't moving much air. My oxygen was okay......fine, really. Very tired from all the snot in my head though........sorry........and dripping down the back of my throat...........this being day 11 or so of this. Light headed when I cough and move it around. But no green color or anything..........sorry again. The Dr. said........"thanks for your presence and then patience" as I waited a solid hour.......got on the tread mill though after doing some stitching........so no, I have not let up on my training efforts. I think, I will,however, skip the Guaifenesin. I purchased some of the extended release tabs but after they carded me and I asked around..........perhaps not a good idea at all. So the youngsters buy the liquid and then go psychedelic with it......so, I heard. As well as the gal at the counter telling me that yes, indeed.......it is an ingredient in methamphetamine. So what do you believe? She was at the women's clothing department counter where I went with my groceries because only she held the further discount for the really cheap fleece vest I bought. I would think my honey intake probably does just as well and all my tea.......... Then there is always drugs.com......which I coulda pulled up on my phone, as well as the ABX.........which I did tell the Dr. I would like to do.......but then.........oh well, I don't believe in ABX for viruses, never have.........and that is a scientific fact.......but as I don't know for sure..........I am just taking the calculated risk. No x-ray. Good karma and I be fine. Another interview......same job. Hoping for an interview for another job there too, or 2. Looking for the best fit and a supportive, non-competitive opportunity for income is all.........in nature, with some movement involved..........even if it is Beethoven's 5th. Good day today really. Yesterday more medium..........woah, what a basket case for a bit! I finally went with the outdoorsy look and was......oh, no, a few minutes late...........proving my flexibility once again and the ability to ad lib if needed..........LOL. They rescheduled my interview right after they scheduled it and I was easy peesy......okie dokie...........we will see........what will be.......... Computer working again. Yay! Associate staying with his Grandpa for a few........closer proximity to his class of the week........court ordered something.........maybe it will get his head turned toward formal education dreams......... All is well. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted November 5, 2015 Administrator Share Posted November 5, 2015 Good to hear, MMT. Are you over the pneumonia-like illness? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted November 5, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 5, 2015 Not quite over it but doing well enough........just took the first 2 of the Zpack midday today. Oh, and got a fine sterile urine cup while waiting in the office to see the Dr............will make for more accuracy with mixing/liquifying my Trilept/Oxcarb. It's a nice 2 oz. size. Pilfered it really.......out of the bathroom there......... Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted November 5, 2015 Administrator Share Posted November 5, 2015 They won't miss it. LOL! This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted November 7, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 7, 2015 Yah well.......if the pneumonia is better.......sooner than later that will be good. Still a little light headed with coughing and having a heck of time rationing cigarettes again(to myself). Convinced myself the AZithromycin was causing delerium earlier, but then went on out in spite of myself. Had a nice meeting, and lonely lunch out........8,000 suggestions as to all the supplements I could/ought to take.......I just wrote them all down. Super knock out nap. And awoke to the associate's beer on the counter. He had a friend by last night.....nice childish 26 year old who never paid rent at the associates old apartment. Yah, sure........I invited him to dinner sometime soonish or never. Sorry.....he was nice and I could hear him encouraging associate and being supportive. And I now have all the keys to my 2nd vehicle for 120 days. If I can ever start it with the darn interlock device. I barely winced.......or spoke and he ran.......the associate, that is.............oh, not far........to Daddy and back. I think he had some dinner anyway. And so........I will offer a hug and some basic kindness later...........when I can......when it's real. Thinking it best to cancel my second interview on Monday......just stay with the healing/recovery. The interview is on Weds. and so......maybe......maybe not. Shift more thoroughly into the loving kindness of spirituality. Oh, maybe a miracle before then.............. inside of me and my nervous system will heal so completely(I think violins here will do.....maybe a harp?).........doubtful, as I have probably had, to date, pretty much all the miracles that one gets in this life. I bought some boxes at the store.......I mean can you believe it? Ordinary cardboard boxes to start some of this clearance activity with. I hate to go to the packy(liquor store) to get some as........at this point I might buy it!! A joke. No hard liquor for me.......well I expect I will slip up sometime again far in the future but I don't need a whole liquor store for that. To the tub.......hot bath........ear buds........... Neighborhood yard work community day........something long winded like that anyway...........manana..........probably when the temperature is just above freezing. I will show my face, be gracious.......hopefully not sobbingly so..........maybe I can even participate in some relay sporting activities.........branches and weeds to truck and back type stuff. Thank you. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
AliG Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Hey Manymoretodays, I think it was Melanie , who made me feel guilty about abbreviating your name ! Now, I just can't do it ! Same with " Brassmonkey " ! ? LOL ! Anyway, I'm sorry I couldn't do the " postcard" thing , on my holiday. I would have loved to , but I'm " tech challenged" , and also fearful of " airport security". Gives me " heart palpitations", so I try to travel light , with no computers, etc !! I would have loved to send a "Prayer lantern " up , as JanCarol suggested, but we we were not in the right place, at the right time, unfortunately. Maybe , on the next visit. I will go back, as I loved it . Maybe to the islands , where they have " Prayer lanterns". I'm sure you would love it , there and should maybe put it on " your list ", of places to travel one day . It is a beautiful place, with beautiful people. Hope you keep doing so well. You have come so far, since I first " checked in". As I think I said a while back , you have " blossomed ". I hope it keeps up for you . Love, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus manymoretodays Posted November 7, 2015 Author Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 7, 2015 I am pretty okay with MMT. You could even get creative on days when I am just saying all the wrong things........and change what the MMT stands for. I just don't like that when I started here it was all about the adderall..........like I had some kind of addiction to that or something. But that was where I was with things........so it's okay. Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks. Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988. In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm. Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time). 5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014) 12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever! Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to 2016 Dec 16, medication free!! Longer signature post here, with current supplements. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed. Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022. Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜 None of my posts are intended as medical advice. Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. My success story: Blue skies ahead, clear sailing Link to comment
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