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manymoretodays

☼ manymoretodays: off many years of many medications

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Frogie
4 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Thanks Frogie.

I'm just trying to do housekeeping, a bit around here, and at home for a bit.  Hoping to ski soon.

Difficulty with interactions, at present.  And so want to be a good example of healing and all.

 

Working on my success story......LOL.   Seriously though, I am.  Just a late wave.

A bit of a mess lately.

 

Thanks again, for the note.

 

Yes, in the year 2020 now!  Exciting and feels like a good one already.  Best to you and yours.

 

L, P, H, and G,

manymoretodays B)

Sorry you hit a late wave. Hopefully it will/has an end.

 

 I can’t wait to read your success story. I’m sure it will be amazing.

 

Do you have much snow? We got hit with about 18” before Thanksgiving then about 6” before Christmas. Some of it is still on the ground, but haven’t had anymore since.

 

Glad you are doing well overall 😊

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

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manymoretodays

We are in the midst of some good ones now.......snowstorms + the right temperatures = greatest powder on Earth.

Swoosh, whoosh........soon.

 

Where is my GONE SKI ING sign.  B)

 

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Frogie
2 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

We are in the midst of some good ones now.......snowstorms + the right temperatures = greatest powder on Earth.

Swoosh, whoosh........soon.

 

Where is my GONE SKI ING sign.  B)

 

Good for you. Wish we would get some more snow. ❄️☃️ I’m ready.

 

Have a great day😊

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

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getofflex

Hello manymoretodays. I  read your initial intro post, and see that you have gotten off of many psych drugs.  I'm in awe that you have done this.  It is a very strong and courageous thing to do.  I"m praying for you and hoping that you continue to heal and recover.  Jennifer

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manymoretodays

Just a share today.  The author is Matt Licata, and can be found, and followed on FB.

This one is on healing.  Enjoy.  I sure did.  Many thanks to Matt Licata!

 

Healing Will Always Surprise Us

While we can honor the authentic call to transformation, those voices, images, and parts of ourselves that genuinely want to heal, we must also be prepared to confront the real-world implications of what all this will inevitably require, which can be life-shattering.

For when we heal, the way we have come to organize our experience—the things we like to do, the people we find ourselves drawn to, the familiar reference points that provide our identity—tend to fall apart.

But this “falling apart” is a sacred process, evidence of the critical alchemical operation of putrefactio, where the known crumbles and disintegrates, revealing important and lesser-known dimensions of our experience that are not available during times of clear reflection and “holding it all together.” These old, inner soul-companions can no longer be accessed and utilized in the same way, to locate ourselves and confirm who it is we think we are and what will fulfill our deepest longing. They just can’t contain us any longer; they’re not subtle, nuanced, or magnificent enough.

To transmute our lives in this way may sound inspiring on the surface, even thrilling (sign me up!) but, remember, true transformation is destructive as well as creative, and does not always conform to the ways we thought it would all turn out. In other words, healing will surprise us.

For example, if we fully transform our shame and unworthiness, and heal from that deeply rooted sense that something is wrong with us at the most basic level, what will our lives be like? What will our relationships be like? How will we interact with others if not through these painful wounds of a lifetime? Who will we be, how will we live, move, and have our being? If those familiar lenses are no longer available, how will we see and navigate? What will we organize around? What is the axis around which we will orient? What will be the new image, metaphor, or lens through which we engage?

Many that I have worked with over the years have come to discover the great liberation in the realization that they are not who they thought they were, as well as the profound disorientation of losing their familiar reference points in the aftermath a profound healing or awakening experience. It’s important that we honor both of these events, the freeing and liberating nature as well as the existential and primordial confusion that can arise in the wake of healing.

One of the mysteries of this work is that we cannot know in advance what it will be like to live our lives without our conditioned ways of seeing the world. If we set our glasses down (or if they are removed by life or God or spirit or soul), we will be required to see with new vision, unable to depend on the known to guide us in the way it used to. This can be a profoundly contradictory place to find ourselves.

Yes, there is a certain excitement in stepping into new territory, but it can also generate bewilderment or even panic as we sense a pending confrontation with the unknown. We must be kind to ourselves during times of transition, honoring the actualities of what it truly means to heal. To slow down and soften as we are asked to provide sanctuary for the wounds, grief, and unfelt joys of a lifetime, and offer a temple of rest where the disowned inner travelers can gather and return.

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FindRest

Wow, @manymoretodays, that is profound! Thank you for sharing it. I will be reading it over and over again as I begin this journey.

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elbee
19 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Healing Will Always Surprise Us

 

Thanks for sharing this MMD. It seems many think of "awakening" as simply bliss / heavenly / love and light. For me it has very much included a process of terror as that which was "known" to me has crumbled and fallen away. It has been a painful process for me to walk into the shadows to reclaim my inner compass (my true north . . . my true self), and to realize as I've found it that the directions it was pointing to were not always pointing to where I had expected to go (surprise). Still, now that I am off the drugs and having done much "inner work," I wouldn't want to go back to where I was, even if I could.

 

🙏❤️

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manymoretodays

Heyo.  I am kind of needing to do my own bit of update today.  And it's been awhile. 

(And yah, in the lavendar color!)

 

Sunday, sunday here in Paradise.  B)  And a fine sunny day it is.  Just past noon.  February storms have been active, with many snowy days, colder temperatures, and the days get a bit longer, as far as the sunlight goes.

 

I woke up last night, as the moon was so very bright.  Went on out and did my best to photograph it.......and got one pretty nice shot, after a bit of editing.  Still......yes, still......adapting to my new replacement android and learning all it's features.  It would sure be tough, in this day and age, to be without a smarter than me(sometimes) cellular device.

 

And okay.......healing progress:

Late September of 2019, marked the beginning of a moderate wave, or shift for me.  I'm not totally sure if it was more related to some PTS type of thing.  Consuelo VW bug is now history and I distinctly felt something, on the day the tow truck arrived to pick her up.  I donated her to my favorite radio station, as repairs were more, in $$, than her value.  Memories of my friend who suicided, back in May of 2014 arose, as he had helped me find Consuelo, after my previous bug was rear-ended and totaled.  The end of an era of sorts, I think.  I just went on back a bit.......feeling- wise......acute memories of how that had felt.......and I don't know if anyone can relate to this.......but how it felt, after that death.......in my mind, spirit/soul, and even body.

 

And then on into October 2019.  That was anniversary time(5 years, October 2014) of my last horsespittal /hospitalization.  In retrospect, I realize now.......that at that time.......I WAS indeed suffering, struggling with some acute WD.  I was, at that time,  on just 5 mg of Lexapro, and had gone to a liquid form of it.......without any type of "crossover" and then had begun to taper, way too fast.  Had come off Seroquel awhile prior to this.   I had only some idea of tapering then.......had not found my way here yet.  And had dropped all the whopping way to about 3 mg. with the liquid, when all heck broke loose, as far as acute WD goes.  I could barely think, or process much, and just got scared as I was not functioning too well with the day to day business of life and so.......went on in, voluntarily.  Of course, in hospital, no acknowledgement that it might be WD, and to be honest.......I really could not communicate very well when I got there either.  I did, on intake, let them know what I was on, and of recent changes......... I mean it is what it was.  And so then.......no one even suggested a small reinstatement, at the hospital.  I came out on my last 2 medications, with a plan.........of my own........to just stabilize a bit........and then come off of them more judiciously than I had come off anything before.  All in all......it was the best I could do at that time.......and I suppose, the best the "system" here could also do at that time.  It was not awful, that hospitalization.........it was helpful.......all things considered, and me hopes, never to have to utilize another inpatient hospitalization again.  I know better.  I do better.  It has been a process of growth and recovery, and continues to be.  My journey, out of psychiatry. 

 

The point of that story......or last paragraph........is that again, last October, just like what began in September..........I seemed to have some sort of stored memory again, resurface, that I call PTS.  Perhaps it was all a bit dissociative........some of that depersonalization/derealization.  I could just feel a shift going from emotional well-being to more emotional dis-stress.  I imagine some of it was, in a more basic sense, my nervous system dysregulation coming into play.  Autonomic nervous system dysfunction.

 

And so......once again, I went......oh, not all at once.......but fairly quickly back to my old MO of coping.  More isolation.  Not recommended folks.  It just seems to be my fall back mechanism sometimes.  When all seems to be too much, too overwhelming. 

 

I did okay, as far as managing my own affairs this time.  Getting on out in my current inherited car, Seymour Subaru for supplies every so often.  And kept up a bit with neighbors and friends........not a lot, but some phone conversations, as well as with family(out of state), and then my dear therapist as well.  Every couple of weeks we did therapy........by phone even, if I just could not manage the drive and all.

 

Other symptoms:  headaches with stress or strong emotions.  Often resolved with ibuprofen and quiet.  Resolved now, for the most part.  Exhaustion.  Overall weakness.

 

And then by the holidays.......I did try to rally a bit.  Yet still.......it was slow........and I had to limit committments as well as expectations of myself.  There will be more holidays.  And over all, I just was honest with people and did my best.

 

Early January, 2020.  Began the climb out.  And doing much better now.  Making my commitments.  Ski-ing.  Using all my other tools of non-drug coping.......there are many that I shift around, back to AA stuff regularly, and that whole practice.  I'm finding a body, or my body in motion, is a much happier body.......thus mind.......thus spirit too!

 

Doing my "Spring cleaning" off season again!  B)  As you might imagine, things got pretty piled up around here.

Mum just had her 92nd bday!  And if that isn't cause for celebration, I don't know what is!  Oh my, my Mum........although not perfect, better than most and so glad she is still around and all.  I WILL go visit pretty soon, or sooner, if something comes up health -wise for her.  The sibs are going soon and we talk, Mum and I, by phone each week.  She is still living independently and all.

 

Sun(son) doing AOK, overall.  I get to the bigger city to visit once or twice a month now and we keep up with each other.  I've got some of his mending to do(honored to do so), and will see him again next week.

 

Betsey Ross cat.  IS.  Oh, so glad to have my cat friend.

 

The dear deer are back.  Doing their art project again on my front bushes........they can only eat so high up........my comical front bushes.

 

And phew......if I forgot anything, will add later. 

Oh.....and this:  I was doing a trial of iodine gtts(drops), using a brand where 2 gtts= 6.25 mg of iodine potassium.  I ran out of it in late December.   I was using it thinking that it might boost my thyroid function a bit.  I've always wondered when I lose energy, if it's a symptom of hypothyroidism(possibly induced by meds used in the past).  I don't have other symptoms of low thyroid though.  I had decreased to 1 gtt/day after my labwork seemed to indicate that it was making my thyroid function worse, after a 5-6 mos trial of it.

 

And then replaced it with another brand that I could get closer by,  of a much lower dosage.  So I am presently just taking 1 gtt daily, of a preparation of potassium iodine that has 226 mcg= 2 gtts.  Much, much lower.  And I'll follow up and get lab work soon.  Still a bit lower energy, yet improving all the time.

 

All my other other supplements are about the same, as what is listed in my very long, at present, signature.

 

Summary:  Back again from most recent wave and life goes on.

 

Hope all are "well enough".

 

And thank you, as always.......for the space, and allowing me to serve here as well.  Helps me so much sometimes.......to type it all out and do an update.  :wub:

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays  😻🙉

Edited by manymoretodays
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FindRest

MMT, I’m so glad things are getting better now. What a tough spell there. And to think you were helping so many others here while going through a very hard time of your own...what an example you are to the rest of us. Thank you for being open with us and for showing us that we can persevere, that there is a light at the end of each wave. 

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manymoretodays

Thank you for your support FR!

 

I am going to Inipi ceremony(sweat lodge) tomorrow and then family and family friends in town.  I will pretend to be on a vacation with them off and on.

 

So.......I am scarcer for about a weeks time.  More regular again after the 21st, or next friday.

 

Hopes for healing for all, while I am scarcer.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

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Junglechicken
7 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Thank you for your support FR!

 

I am going to Inipi ceremony(sweat lodge) tomorrow and then family and family friends in town.  I will pretend to be on a vacation with them off and on.

 

So.......I am scarcer for about a weeks time.  More regular again after the 21st, or next friday.

 

Hopes for healing for all, while I am scarcer.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Hey mmt,

 

We went to a sweat lodge in southern Alberta.  It was on the Blood First Nations Reservation.

 

Amazing experience!

 

It was during the summer, and it was as hot as any sauna in there.

 

Anyway, enjoy the sweet grass 👍

 

Take care,

 

JC

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manymoretodays

Thanks Jungle!  I love the sweetgrass!  Trying to figure out if I could get some seeds or starts and begin to grow my own. 

I do have varieties of sage growing, and that tends to be more abundant in nature.  But I heard from someone, that sweet-grass is tougher to find.

 

It.  Was.  Great.

 

Really nice ceremony and great group this time.  Lucked out again, in a good way.........in getting reconnected with that whole community/family more locally!

Yes, it is.  Amazing ceremony/experience!  Very cleansing, very prayerful!

Is everyone healed now????  I do..... always......bring in many.........for prayers/meditations, etc.  Is there World Peace now??

(just try to do my little part in it all)

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt B)😻

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Junglechicken
1 hour ago, manymoretodays said:

Thanks Jungle!  I love the sweetgrass!  Trying to figure out if I could get some seeds or starts and begin to grow my own. 

I do have varieties of sage growing, and that tends to be more abundant in nature.  But I heard from someone, that sweet-grass is tougher to find.

 

It.  Was.  Great.

 

Really nice ceremony and great group this time.  Lucked out again, in a good way.........in getting reconnected with that whole community/family more locally!

Yes, it is.  Amazing ceremony/experience!  Very cleansing, very prayerful!

Is everyone healed now????  I do..... always......bring in many.........for prayers/meditations, etc.  Is there World Peace now??

(just try to do my little part in it all)

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt B)😻

 

Glad you had a wonderful time mmt!

 

Hope you can grow your own sweet grass, that would be very cleansing.

 

The desert, and the great plains have so many amazing plants that are restorative to humans.

 

Which reservation / tribe was it?

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manymoretodays
44 minutes ago, Junglechicken said:

 

 

Which reservation / tribe was it?

 

Yes.

It's off reservation.  On private property.  High desert location, yet not far from the mountains.  Again.  I've been to a few other locations too.  

And a mix of elders really.  From different tribes.  Yet we all come together.  Elders, teachers, learners,  partakers in ceremony, and community alike.  Visitors stop in from different areas.  There's a network that I am just becoming more aware of now.

It is good stuff.

 

I know that there are groups doing Sweats now at the prison, and then for some of the other recovery groups(addiction mainly), with certain guidelines of course, of when people can participate.  No psychoactive substances involved in any of these.  The ones I participate in.

 

Lakota, Chippawa/ Ojibwe, is where most of my learning seems to be coming from now.  So many tribes in North America!

Hoping to keep learning, while passing on some of the wisdom and "medicine".  From our ancestors.

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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Junglechicken
15 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

 

Yes.

It's off reservation.  On private property.  High desert location, yet not far from the mountains.  Again.  I've been to a few other locations too.  

And a mix of elders really.  From different tribes.  Yet we all come together.  Elders, teachers, learners,  partakers in ceremony, and community alike.  Visitors stop in from different areas.  There's a network that I am just becoming more aware of now.

It is good stuff.

 

I know that there are groups doing Sweats now at the prison, and then for some of the other recovery groups(addiction mainly), with certain guidelines of course, of when people can participate.  No psychoactive substances involved in any of these.  The ones I participate in.

 

Lakota, Chippawa/ Ojibwe, is where most of my learning seems to be coming from now.  So many tribes in North America!

Hoping to keep learning, while passing on some of the wisdom and "medicine".  From our ancestors.

 

 

Really sounds wonderful mmt!

 

The First Nations have much wisdom of the important things in life.

 

I miss that aspect of life in Canada a lot.

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