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☼ manymoretodays: off many years of many medications


manymoretodays

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Is your son still planning to move back in MMT?    

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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Apologies all. I've been kind of unexpectedly out lately, or off site. All is well enough.  Life is good. Hoping to get back soon, just not sure when.   Love, peace, recovery,

MMT, I’m so glad things are getting better now. What a tough spell there. And to think you were helping so many others here while going through a very hard time of your own...what an example you are t

Hugs acknowledged.....thank you,  and ((((((((Carmie hugs enclosed in butterfly wings))))))))). Doing a tad better.  !!!!!!!!! Marching right into March and beyond.......... Sunshine to

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manymoretodays

Possibly at the end of this month.  He really is better off at this point in the City, so to speak, so I am hoping he figures things out.........cheaper apartment, JOB, etc.

 

How are you Fresh?  I think I recall maybe you were feeling up to some work?

 

I need to update my signature one of these days.

 

I slept really well in the early AM hours(generally sleep is present every day though) waking after a DREAM.  A dumb one but just the same.  Funny as I took a swig of some flax oil with omega 3's that has been in the fridge.  Maybe it's time for me to consider omega 3's.  Difficult though.........as part of me just wishes to get free of all pills(including supplements).  Ah well.......and rain this am, which is nice given the triple digit temps now.  And Sunday.  So I am good.  Just hope I can get into some "doing" today.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Possibly at the end of this month.  He really is better off at this point in the City, so to speak, so I am hoping he figures things out.........cheaper apartment, JOB, etc.

 

How are you Fresh?  I think I recall maybe you were feeling up to some work?

 

I need to update my signature one of these days.

 

I slept really well in the early AM hours(generally sleep is present every day though) waking after a DREAM.  A dumb one but just the same.  Funny as I took a swig of some flax oil with omega 3's that has been in the fridge.  Maybe it's time for me to consider omega 3's.  Difficult though.........as part of me just wishes to get free of all pills(including supplements).  Ah well.......and rain this am, which is nice given the triple digit temps now.  And Sunday.  So I am good.  Just hope I can get into some "doing" today.

 

Instead of taking supplements, I would recommend going to buy some salmon, halibut, trout, etc, from the grocery store and incorporating them into your diet.  I personally get all of my vitamins and minerals from a well balanced diet.  Because I'm below the poverty line, I have to be cautious about where I spend my money, but getting inorganic chicken, pork, tuna fish, and frozen vegetables, nuts, etc, has served me quite well.  If you have some extra spending money (most do, I assume) going to the super market and buying all organic items and vegetables would be your best bet.

 

It would also be prudent to eliminate any caffeine, nicotine, etc, from your "diet" - taper slowly over a couple of weeks to months.  These chemicals can only make us worse.

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manymoretodays

Still not doing my own groceries or much in the way of food preparation.  Doing better with some more fruits and drinking lots of V8.  Still not even Ensure free.  I mean it's like depression.......I spose........not the worst but slow and don't care about a lot.  Tears stopped for awhile but still generally daily at some point.  And I am still not up to speed on just general hygiene every day or even feeling decent enough to do much more than walk out to the mailbox on a better hygiene day.

 

I keep it all inside basically......the fears, the depression........whatever.  Try not to bother anyone.  Pretty stuck in a life right now.......really not worth living but I hang on in and hope something clicks soon.

 

Caffiene overall is down........if I ever get to just nicotene(the gum or lozenges) that would cut out a lot of the rest from the actual cigarettes.  I keep thinking it's like AA or something........they usually suggest a couple of years before dealing with the smoking.

 

I don't know..........I best try some music or something now.......stretch a bit.  Eat again and sleep.  Spent most of the day laboring over a crossword and a sudoku.......hoping against hope that that kind of stuff helps cognitively.

 

Thanks for the posts.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Still not doing my own groceries or much in the way of food preparation.  Doing better with some more fruits and drinking lots of V8.  Still not even Ensure free.  I mean it's like depression.......I spose........not the worst but slow and don't care about a lot.  Tears stopped for awhile but still generally daily at some point.  And I am still not up to speed on just general hygiene every day or even feeling decent enough to do much more than walk out to the mailbox on a better hygiene day.

 

I keep it all inside basically......the fears, the depression........whatever.  Try not to bother anyone.  Pretty stuck in a life right now.......really not worth living but I hang on in and hope something clicks soon.

 

Caffiene overall is down........if I ever get to just nicotene(the gum or lozenges) that would cut out a lot of the rest from the actual cigarettes.  I keep thinking it's like AA or something........they usually suggest a couple of years before dealing with the smoking.

 

I don't know..........I best try some music or something now.......stretch a bit.  Eat again and sleep.  Spent most of the day laboring over a crossword and a sudoku.......hoping against hope that that kind of stuff helps cognitively.

 

Thanks for the posts.

 

Sounds like you're pretty fatigued and depressed.  That's probably to  be expected and I'm sort of in the same place as yourself.  The only difference is that I force myself to go outside and do things, like get groceries, etc, from time to time.  Perhaps it's because of the age difference too.

 

I wish there was a way to figure out how long we're going to feel like this.  I measure my progress by the six month intervals rather than month to month.

 

Nicotine is tough to quit, but if you taper it like you would a benzo then you wouldn't even notice the difference.  10% every month - same rule applies - a drug is a drug.

 

It's hard to say if your symptoms are possibly being exacerbated by the nicotine - if you do a google search on nicotine and fatigue, depression, etc, you'll find a lot of hits.   Nicotine won't cause nerve damage and crazy problems like SSRIS or antipsycotics will, but they do cause downregulation of dopamine and norepinephrine receptors, and other changes as well.  Nicotine's a serious drug and tapering or not is ultimately your own personal choice.  I think that allowing the lungs to clear the tar, and allowing your dopamanergic and noradrenergic systems to operate without an artificial stimuli may help with the SSRI withdrawal process.  Or it might not help - but I figure it's worth a shot - say writing down how many cigs you smoke, and then subtract 10% for a month - see if it helps.  If no difference, then no harm done.  Maybe you'll find that tapering the cigarettes makes things worse, in which case you just go back to your original dose.  I just figure it's worth a shot when you have nothing else to lose. 

 

Just my opinion - I care about your welbeing.

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manymoretodays

Thanks Osk.

 

Man oh man I hope this passes.  Tears won't quit.  E-mailed my sister and Mom not to come......I mean they have to make advance reservations and the whole thing just won't accomplish much.

 

No more holidays......please!!!!  Just gotta get through my birthday soon.  And hope for no further deterioration of home or yard.  I guess I bought into my exes negative forecasting and he's right.   I have never felt so alone and hopeless in my life......yet so aware.

 

No worries......after the suicide of my friend and even before.......I made a pact with myself......and maybe God if he exists. 

 

Maybe less sleep will jar me a bit and I can just wander around the house for awhile.  It's just such an effort......the oil has drained out of my car while it's sat........I have a liter to put in and will eventually and the tires look low and when it isn't driven the battery checks out so have to charge it for about 1/2 hour to get it going.  No public transport here........a very long walk to groceries.........I mean everything is so ultra complicated and difficult.  I read way too much into these other peoples accounts and just assume that's gonna be me too.  Years!!!  Years and years!!!!  I mean I am thinking of the senior center for social now and crap........that is not my idea of anything helpful but just further depressing.

 

Okay......vent over.........silent inner scream.

 

This generally *&^%$%^&*^%$****!!!!!

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Thanks Osk.

 

Man oh man I hope this passes.  Tears won't quit.  E-mailed my sister and Mom not to come......I mean they have to make advance reservations and the whole thing just won't accomplish much.

 

No more holidays......please!!!!  Just gotta get through my birthday soon.  And hope for no further deterioration of home or yard.  I guess I bought into my exes negative forecasting and he's right.   I have never felt so alone and hopeless in my life......yet so aware.

 

No worries......after the suicide of my friend and even before.......I made a pact with myself......and maybe God if he exists. 

 

Maybe less sleep will jar me a bit and I can just wander around the house for awhile.  It's just such an effort......the oil has drained out of my car while it's sat........I have a liter to put in and will eventually and the tires look low and when it isn't driven the battery checks out so have to charge it for about 1/2 hour to get it going.  No public transport here........a very long walk to groceries.........I mean everything is so ultra complicated and difficult.  I read way too much into these other peoples accounts and just assume that's gonna be me too.  Years!!!  Years and years!!!!  I mean I am thinking of the senior center for social now and crap........that is not my idea of anything helpful but just further depressing.

 

Okay......vent over.........silent inner scream.

 

This generally *&^%$%^&*^%$****!!!!!

 

Sounds like you have a lot going on.  Perhaps you could call a local garage and see if they would be willing to come to your place to fix your car - or tow it to a shop to fix it.  This is going to cost $$$ obviously, but it's a way to get mobile again - and in somewhere like the Southwest, there's nothing more important than a working car.  I'd first see if you can call around and find someone who is willing to come to you - look in the yellow pages for mechanics.  I'd make this a top priority and budget accordingly.

 

Holidays and social events are tough as heck and very stressful.  I've been through countless parties, events, etc, and found that most people don't notice that I'm different - they're too concerned about themselves to give two craps about your wellbeing.  Even my parents don't really notice too much.  So after realizing that, it becomes less stressful and I just slink around and avoid people or just engage in simple conversation.  It sucks, but I know I can do it and often have to do it (when I got to visit my mom, she's super social and always has someone there, so it can get really uncomfortable).  95% of the time, people are just happy to see me, regardless of how bad of shape I'm in and how badly I'm twitching, etc.  So I just keep this in mind when I have holidays and events.

 

The only reason I haven't really offed myself yet is because of certain family members existing that would be devastated if I were to off myself.  For this reason mostly, I don't do it.  I think I might hang in there if I was by myself too, but it's like 90% more difficult to think about and plan it out when I have family members who care deeply about my life.  I found that hanging in there was much easier when I had cash in the bank.  Now that I'm on the verge of bankruptsy and incapable of functioning, the thought arises every single day and does not go away.  I just push it away and browse the internet or do things with my dad.

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manymoretodays

Triple A and maybe a midweek visit to the overpriced mechanics a couple towns over.  They are overpriced because they will give you a van ride home but also don't remember to check or fix half the things I ask them too......even after they write them all down.

 

I still have this trunk hydraulic thing out that needed replacement last visit and they forgot.  If I don't prop the trunk up I get bopped on the bean every single time.  And they always need days..........

 

Naw......life is life........we still add to it when we don't even know it somehow........ 

 

Are you going back to the useless neurologist?  I mean at least he complemented you.........just drop one of your drug usages on him and tell him nicely you are certain it must have something to do with withdrawal(protracted).........ask him if he has ever heard about it?  Then expect nothing.  Who knows.......maybe some friendly insight.

 

I might make it out the door this evening........drumroll please.......

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Nope......no minimal successes to report.  A bit better taken care of.......bath and teeth.  No big drive to even try and go further.

 

The kind of moderate depression, I think is the best way to describe it,  hey at least it's pure.......no anger, irritability, and although a slow mind.......I guess I still prioritize........paying the bills isn't so bad.  Eating isn't so great.......I do it but with minimal enjoyment.    I am truly picking my brain stores to remember how I get past this state.  Tears about just about anything.  Maybe later I will get further than I did yesterday.   Maybe I can't start to count on later in the day normality(at least with my psyche) and work around that.

 

I'm going to lay down......maybe not take a nap but think happy thoughts.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

I meant can start to count on later.

 

Nope.  In the dead zone.  I ate today.  Did a bit of a crossword.  Listened to birds.  Nothing else that really really needs to get done.  Including me getting dressed and even trying for more.

 

Depressed, depressed, depressed.........frustrated, hopeless, tearful and luckily tired.  So sick of tv and internet and even being here any longer.  Too tired to make a plan and kind of mad that I can't suicide.......will just continue as the burden to society that I am.  Anyone I call will say "what do you want to do".  

 

I guess I should think about meds. again.......going back on something.  I don't know what else to do.   Losing my resolve that there is an end in sight and I will bounce back to something/anything.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Back to turquoise.  Up at 4am.   But asleep at 9:30 or some ridiculous early hour.  Skipped my trileptal and will see how that goes.  I can always double triple dose "safely" if I freak out the other way.  Maybe it is just making it harder.  I mean it's not an SSRI SSNRI or an benzo.  I'm really not afraid it will induce some never had before seizures.  I don't want to try Lexapro again.  I just don't know any other way to do it sometimes but the "hard" way.

 

Will try to have the guts to do just something, anything different today after I get some more sleep.  Ate.  Fed the cat.  Thankful for a cloudy day and can leave the noisy A/C off.  No more crying.  Nobody bother me.  Okay?  Nevermind.......bother me.  Just tell me how much better I am doing and to hang in.......take some chances as far as pushing myself while feeling like a dead person inside.  I just need to unplant some crappy idea tracts that I have playing in my head and quit feeding them.  Every negative thing that has ever been said to me.......well at least a choice few..........are just stuck there......here.......like they are reality.

 

This however.......is better than that........and now........for a little anger recognition.......not a hug.........just a little tootle wave.  So what if I don't enjoy the dark side........so what............and arrrgggggggghhhhhhhh.

 

Watered my houseplant and tree.  Those babies are still thriving........I can't believe it.  And they could not have done so without me.  Talked to me boy last night and he was good.......on the rooftop and listening to a concert from afar in the city.  I taught him that.  I taught him how to love music and let it get inside you and maybe even do a little chair dance or car dance or dance dance.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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And so I am just about ready to venture out.  In my car.  With the oil filled.  And I hope it charges up as the battery dies too when it is not driven......charging now.

Maybe a bit hypomanic and praise the Lord for that and I mean hallelujah.  Didn't rest again and coming back real soon from this virgin voyage as I am not going to push it.  2 errands.....brief list.  I am not even going to think about how long it has been since I headed out........showered and all that hygiene and even hair and a bit of makeup.

 

Re-cap.....held on Trileptal last pm.  Slept 9-4am.  A bit hypo but needed badly.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Did it!!!!!  It felt like a huge accomplishment so just eating and thinking too much today.  Maybe a nap.

 

We had weather too......with a pretty amazing pre storm flashing night sky so that was nice.  Less hypo today but a slight headache.......and so far no crying whatsoever.  I'm going to try ibuprofen.......usually no problem with it.

 

IDK.......I think I'm okay without the Trileptal but I imagine it will take several days to really register with my mind and body.  Not freaking out yet soooooo.......time will tell.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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How about if I just pretend I am having a midlife crisis?  That is what this feels like I just decided.  Emotional system redo and a new coming of age.  Once again.  I mean how many times does this happen in a lifetime.  Many.  It should be old hat by now but it's not.  It's always a bit different.  I had thought somehow that turning 57 and being born in 1957 was going to make for a really easy shift.  I guess that happens next year.....lol.  Only a few weeks away from my birthday.  So I will wake up and be over it.  Yup.  One more hill.  

 

I mean I can't really abandon my home for a few more years due to it being my son's childhood home and sometimes refuge.  And I certainly can't move out of state yet either and leave him far away.  So I am going stop worrying about it for awhile.

 

I think me Mum and sister are going to come in August.  Maybe that will help.  My sister is a princess of types so may do a nearby hotel.  And neither drives a stick......I mean does anybody but me anymore.......so a rental car too I expect.  Hope Muma stays with me though.  It should result in a break from the loneliness but may add undue annoyance, hopefully not........so many times my family......too many at once........and I become adolescent manymoretodays.  Not good.  I really like them, well Love them........so should be fine.

 

It SHOULD be fine and will.

 

Nitey, nite comrades.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Once again I am going to try and boldy take charge of more things.

 

I visited with Merlene for a bit.......... but am going to try and get my own groceries again and other assorted supplies.  Which is big!   She has been doing that for me for weeks.   But am going to just try and be low key about it so I don't abort the whole mission with my mind.

 

I think I will go to Whole Earth and it's nice........with an outdoor cafe and food/health books.  And just try and plan 3 days eating.  Do that tomorrow.

 

Have my therapist coach me on how to do that.  Sounds weird but it usually works.  Get dressed again and check the car today.  Make lists.

 

Research and find a cat groomer for miserable Betsey Ross.  Her fur is all hopelessly matted and she feels like crap.

 

Then I should be in good shape to go get my hair trimmed next week.  It has been awhile.  And some color too.

 

So practice.......practice.........how to get and stay out of the house more and do my own stuff.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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You can do this!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Yup.  Thanks Altostrata.  I did okay today and shall be grooving at Whole Foods for awhile manana.  Probably the cafe' is like a senior center.....LOL.

 

Is it too complicated too try and figure all this out within frameworks of both W/D and kind of a detox situation?  I mean for any of us..........as my and manys' primary toxins have been the psycho drugs.  Idk........just a though.  But I do know that rapid detoxes would not be advised, but just on a biological level of understanding.

 

Osk??  Dr. Osk?

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Going off psychiatric drugs is entirely different from the "detox" recommended for addictive drugs. See Ways to treat addiction - NATURE 22/06/'15

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I will just take your word for it as I think I am more in the "going off psychiatric drugs" category.  But they do create an unusual dependency different from addiction but with some crossover........I mean there must be.  Ah.....I will stop thinking about it.

 

Toilet overflow today..........set me back......... but there is still hope if I can quit surfing....... that I can build further mastery over some basics.

  Maybe not Whole Foods but that sounds interesting to me still.

 

Low key.......call the cat groomer now and get an estimate.  They have a mobile service.  Okay......this is going to be minimally funnish.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

"It feels good to be lost going in the right direction"

 

Not sure who I am quoting but a quote sent to me today and I like it.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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I am going to do a crossword puzzle, the cat box, and the last 2 bills.  I guess that is how I am doing today.  Word difficulties again.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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A quote:

 

"Your emotional range is a gift......you may not always think so but......."

 

Trying to tap my inner loving parent to my inner very small scared child.  One dear eating clover.  One basket loosening up but still just floating......afraid to unhinge and go for a swim.

 

I was able to write for about 2 pages and hope to go get my hair trimmed and colored. 

 

Oh.......the low point.......my real parent telling me I should go back on Lexapro.  My reply: "That just is not an option to consider".  And then the tears.......short lived.  I just want my Mom to get it, get me, reassure me.........blah, blah, blah...........  Childhood was difficult.  Adolescence a bit harder.  And I was the "oops" child.  Never gave anyone a bit of trouble.  I literally used to cry over spilled milk........what a cliche'.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Ooooooooooooooooommmmmmmm.  :(  I have to do some cleaning, and figure out how to join the outer world more often again soon.

 

But I got a couple books.  And my inner child just wants to read them and color and play.

 

It's still fine when I go out......but I can only do short bursts and it takes forever to talk myself into it.  And I get soooo tired sometimes so quickly.

 

I got a cat groomer appt. but not until Aug. 6th.  Much cheaper.  Mobile groomer.  I can try and ask the vet for kitty Xanax..........not sure about that though.  I mean how can I, in good conscience, give Betsey Ross Xanax? I may have to experiment with diffusing lavender oil.

 

Oh.....I am doing some thought blocking too.  Good or bad......IDK........just am.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Sounds like you're doing better. Even little bits of activity are good.

 

I didn't know you had another cat. Why does she need Xanax?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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manymoretodays

For her grooming.  She has to get shaved and then looks like a poodle cat.  I don't know though......the mobile groomer sounded like "the cat whisperer" so she will probably be fine.  As long as she has gloves so she won't get scratched up.

 

These last few cats........high maintenance.

 

Meanwhile I have enough shedded cat hair for sweaters now.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Very tired today despite 9 hours of sleeping last pm........unfortunately from 8pm to 5am.  Tried once for a nap.  Maybe again.........

 

Hardest is to do anything practical besides eat. 

 

Zzzzzzzz body and brain but awake.

 

Well, it beats neuroemotions any day but still...........

 

I am hoping so badly that somehow it is due to the cessation of salts...........almost 2 mos. ago now.........and that somehow I will just kind of pop back into some kind of normal rhythm and flow.   I am 9 mos. off the Lexapro now too.

 

Trileptal some nights......not always.  L-methyl.......usually 1 in am and sometimes 1 in pm.  Most always B12 and melatonin.  And most always hormones.

 

I think I really need to get down and serious about some eating plan that might help.  I am thinking first.........maybe the anti inflammatory foods as I strongly suspect that:

 

although genetically predisposed to depression that between my early in life(less than 1 year old) chicken pox and then the mononucleosis virus(and real bad case at 17) and then the type II herpes contracted in my 20's that for me............well they are all a kind of herpes virus.........that sometimes a inflammatory response is responsible for some of my more natural symptoms that were there pre-meds.  Don't know for sure but..........

 

and IDK......this W/D stuff is hard enough to get through.........but yah.....this is one of my more neutral emotionally but greatly fatigued days.

 

and counted in my head one day.........I think 27 psycho meds total in my trials.  Luckily I don't think I was ever on more than 2 or at most 3 at a time.  With some of the atypicals and mood stabilizers(antiseizure stuff) never more than a year.  My only antianxiety med. was klonopin and was a short lived trial.......I took .5mg just once a day for maybe a week........and stayed awake and stuff but it was almost hypnotic.........and scary that way as I would get home and not remember a bit of the drive kind of stuff happening.

 

Merlene picked up a few supplies that I had forgotten my last trip but.........no cigs..........because I know and she knows that it will be better for me to do that excursion myself as an excuse to get on out again on my own.  Maybe that'll clear me a bit for today.  And we can rejoice that I HAVE gotten out my own a couple times this week.

 

Nice not to feel so frustrated about all my household chores being so behind anyway...........

 

signed: crazy hausfraus........crazy housewife somewhere, anywhere

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Awake today.  Crying. 

 

Trying music with the earbuds.

 

Difficult though.....all these web radio stations have invaded my android.

 

Can't listen to them and walk around a bit.......have to keep the droid stationary.

 

I answered the door.  Wish I didn't.  I can't bear any kindness........I can't bear much of anything....... and now she is worried.  I just want to be tired and sleep some.

more.

 

Bad timing.

 

Not worth worrying about but oh.......I will.

 

Got a hug anyway.

 

Was hoping to watch a thunderstorm but now I don't know.

 

Eat.

 

Maybe her prayer will work.

 

I know nothing.

 

I wait.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Ahhhh.  Crying jag over. Pfffffft neuroemotions........pffffffffft............take a walk stupid neuroemotion tears...........come back maybe one year from now or something.  You are not much fun. (talking to my neuropathways). 

 

The neighbor asked if I had something to take for it??  I just told her it's a crying day..........and not always like this.  Kind of hard though.  Won't worry about.

 

-_-

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

So it could be the chemicals involved in my getting my hair done......a weave with foils.....plus the extra push of getting out on my own at least a few times last week........that has got me all fogged brained and although less neuroemotion today..........still slowed down, not very active/doer.   And ugh..........

 

Monastery time and life may be over.  My 23 year old got a DUI last night.  Fortunately not stopped by the police........but headed out from his apt. to get food and on the way home.......ran on up onto a meridian......fairly busy street.......cabby helped and then police who noticed his condition...........car impounded, son cited and spent awhile in jail......sheesh.  Of course he is miserable today via phone and very depressed.  Talked to his roommate who will keep good eye on him.  My ex is the usual as far as ?helping..............

 

I mean I have to be up for this........I have no choice.  I am going to bring him home for at least a few days.......try and sort things out.........hopefully he will agree to some kind of outside counselor/life coach..........something/anything..........I mean obviously the drinking is a problem now and he made a stupid decision to drive.  And as yet......not totally sure of the ramifications legally and $$$$(fines and car repairs).

 

Ultimately though.......any and all suggestions welcome as to type of counselors/life coaches, etc.  My son has been waning for some time now........no new job, pretty demotivated and down on himself.  At some point if all else fails.........I think I would be okay with him doing some short term antidepressant, I mean I hate to say that but............with some close observation of course initially because I do know the result COULD be worse not better.   Not sure if he will continue back at home here yet or not.

 

Like I said.......any and all suggestions welcome to help get a young man back on his feet and beyond........

 

And how I cope with this continued withdrawal wipe out in the meantime.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Feeling optimistic at the moment.

 

This DUI thing with my son.............not enough words to do it justice.  Seriously.........there was/is some fine grace going on.  He had only gone from his apt. out to get some food........but oh so drunk........why didn't his fool friends stop him???  On the way home.........ran up on a meridian........I mean I expect he was close to black out drunk or something.......no peeps involved......possibly the end of his car.  Cabby helped.......officers came........a night in jail.  I mean this is NOT my son......Mr. follow the rules, responsible and smart...........but.......yet........struggling to find his way..........and seriously drunk.

 

As applicable to W/D and getting to that emotional balance place we all seek.  I pat myself on the back and then a round of applause.  I dragged myself out and pretty much went at it along side of him.......doing what needs to be done now.  His car may well be totaled.......I mean no comprehensive or collision........and the slight possibility of affordable repairs.......but we got it out of impound and to a shop.......oh this after the lovely DMV.  Pretty much a daylong endeavor.  And sheesh......a flat tire for me at the end of it all......just turned too soon into a driveway.........hitting a curb.  Praises for my triple A, used not once but twice today.  And my most excellent spare.  And him, my son.......for taking mature responsibility for his stupidity..........which is really going to cost him for a while.

 

Oh yah.......child brain kicked in after the flat........just the tears and hopelessness all in a jumble.  But pulled it together in 5-10 min.

 

Tomorrow.....another day.  Court date.....he'll take care of.  I will see what help we can get from legal aide......I guess it does make sense to at least get some advisement for the best possible outcome.

 

I mean I went a whole day......drove the freeway........drove downtown.........dealt, dealt, dealt with what needs to be done.  Not so far from how the average joe would.

 

For the Love and wanting to support of my child/young man.

 

Some strange faith keeps me going........thank goodness not so much out time tomorrow.........it's still so tough out there.......easy to overwhelm.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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It sounds like you're handling everything in an amazing way MMT ,   totally rising to the occasion!!

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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manymoretodays

Thank you Fresh.

 

But of course I am wishing wishing I was more solid at this time.  Being jarred out of my going for the "monastery" approach is tough........and giving myself time and rest and comfort.........I don't know.  Still in a bit of shock.  Finding myself unable to always be doing what I want to be doing actively.......that anxious paralysis........difficulty staying mindful and in the moment.

 

Sleep is okay.  Physically, other than the anxiousness and depression associated stuff.......doing okay.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Doing okay.  Will push for more tomorrow......... Tis a weekend.

 

I don't have much positive to say.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Clearly this emotional event and worry about my son has pushed me into some hefty depression.......with all the thoughts and gloom, etc.  Don't think I can call that "neuroemotion" without a source as it used to be.

 

Pirate swearing.......punching walls.......just with words, mind you.

 

IDK..........really questioning, questioning, questioning.........letting the shrinks have their way with me again........

 

I mean I could restart 5mg. of Lexapro........or add back the salts.

 

Just going to sleep on it tonight...........way too much on my weary mind and I have had a sheety day emotionally.

 

Someone just say........keep going.........it'll get better sooner than you think..........you can handle this and more and have been........or send me a dream.........say a prayer........put all the good healing energy  out in the universe.

 

Herb is also history.  It helped........just brought me to creative mindful, rid the ruminating worries, etc.  Oh well.  Maybe this is a bit due to that too.

 

And forgive my whining and helplessness.  I really don't like to give it words and put it out here on cyberspace.  But just can't shift it.

 

Thank you.

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Clearly this emotional event and worry about my son has pushed me into some hefty depression.......with all the thoughts and gloom, etc.  Don't think I can call that "neuroemotion" without a source as it used to be.

 

Pirate swearing.......punching walls.......just with words, mind you.

 

IDK..........really questioning, questioning, questioning.........letting the shrinks have their way with me again........

 

I mean I could restart 5mg. of Lexapro........or add back the salts.

 

Just going to sleep on it tonight...........way too much on my weary mind and I have had a sheety day emotionally.

 

Someone just say........keep going.........it'll get better sooner than you think..........you can handle this and more and have been........or send me a dream.........say a prayer........put all the good healing energy  out in the universe.

 

Herb is also history.  It helped........just brought me to creative mindful, rid the ruminating worries, etc.  Oh well.  Maybe this is a bit due to that too.

 

And forgive my whining and helplessness.  I really don't like to give it words and put it out here on cyberspace.  But just can't shift it.

 

Thank you.

 

I don't think there's any way that lexapro could possibly help you, adderall could help you for a couple of days and then you're addicted to it and need to go through withdrawals.

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manymoretodays

Ayup.  And better today.  I did have an interesting dream although I can't remember it fully.  Lately......I have been dreaming......yay.......if I go back to sleep in the morning when I used to try to get up for awhile.  I think it involved a lot of randomness.......but perhaps a person from my long ago days working in a hospital setting and oh, in retrospect........how I miss that.......the friends associated with work.......the few that you click with and see randomly throughout your shift......and can laugh with, even some times roll your eyes about something with, and just make the whole job go better.....easier......something.

 

Obviously.......I am so missing the community......actual physical people in my community on a regularly scheduled basis.

 

Nonetheless......woke up on the right side of the bed.  Slept well.  75mg. Trileptal last night.  But was exhausted from the emotionality of yesterday.......totally wiped out.  I can still cry rivers.......sob I should say.

 

Not gonna start up on either substance again.....Lexapro nor salts nor herb.

 

I just wish......so wish I knew how to more quickly neuroplasticize myself from these drug induced "bipolarity" nervous system changes.  I mean it is not severe in the sense that I ever go maniacally rabidly stirk crazy in action or anything.......but a pain in the butt.........nor do I ever feel at the depths that I vaguely recall that occurred once treated for "bipolar" which I know was drug induced in the first place........I mean I have for a long time known that.  And when I say drugs I refer to those prescribed by my doctor......psychiatrist.  

 

So......thanks for the dream.  And I can keep doing this.  I have been doing well enough handling all that comes at me during this and without a doubt can handle more.  I will keep going.  It will get better sooner than I think. 

 

You forgot the hug Osk....... <_<

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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  • manymoretodays changed the title to ☼ manymoretodays: off many years of many medications

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