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☼ manymoretodays: off many years of many medications

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manymoretodays

Ooooofffff and tah.  No better way to describe today other than hugely fatigued.  I did get out last pm and visited a friend with a lot of troubles so I guess that is good.  I should update my signature......2 nights now of just 75mg. Trileptal.........probably won't quite yet though because just too tired.  Ooooof.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Ugh.  Sleep is still off.  Worries about how to tell my upcoming "helpers" how to best help me.  Ideas? 

 

Just feeling like they may create chaos with me emotionally, and interactions are once again very difficult.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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cymbaltawithdrawal5600

I've been trying to watch movies too Blue.  Got a couple from the library.  Any recommends.......nothing newly released though......good oldies.

 

Just happened to see this and you might want to check if your library system belongs to "Freegal".

 

"Freegal® is a free music service from your library. All you need is your library card number and possibly a PIN if your library utilizes them. Freegal offers access to about 9 million songs, including Sony Music’s catalog of legendary artists, and over 15,000 music videos. In total the collection is comprised of music from over 28,000 labels with music that originates in over 100 countries. There is no software to download, and there are no digital rights management (DRM) restrictions. Access to Freegal is limited to patrons of subscribing libraries."

 

I have Freegal from my library and I can download 6 songs a week to keep and play whenever I want, just like the old Napster did back when it was called um, 'piracy'.

 

All you need to do is go to your library's website (or phone them) and ask if they are a subscriber. Freegal just recently added streaming movies, lots of the good old ones that we can watch in wd.

 

If your 'dinosaur computer' has a problem with streaming, I may be able to help. An app called 'Soluto' can be installed on your computer and it allows someone (me?) to access and work on your computer using only a web browser.

 

BTW, defrag is not really related to your question in "Read This First", but if your hard drive is severely fragmented it can cause your whole computer to run slowly and eventually wear out the drive. Unwanted apps like spyware and crapware can cause your hard drive to 'thrash' with their intrusive activity and cause premature wear and difficulty getting anything done and this can affect your ability to stay connected.

 

My specialty is setting up computers so they work properly FOR the user, not the companies that produced them and their advertising partners.


What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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manymoretodays

Okay.  Thanks and thanks.  Will check on the Freegal......pfffft though living in a backward county so just negatively forecasting that they don't.  I can check online though or when I return my present DVD's.    I could do another freetrial of Netflix or permanently.......get rid of Comcast as it is so $$$$ for just tv usage.  So.....might take you up on your offer later.  Bill time yah know......one small thing at a time......snail wins in the end.   Close though that my CC cleaner and defrag might be relatives even if not relative to "Read this first" concerns.  LOL.  Words hurt this am.  Ouch.  I think I am up to Windows 7 only......I believe Vista came after as far as intelligent conversation goes.  I do have a droid too, Samsung 5.....at this point the small screen even though it's a mega......and it's inability to do much viewing or listening type stuff unless it's laying down flat are not so great.  Excuse the run on sentence.  Thanks CW.  Appreciate your time taken and willingness.

 

No more L-methyl at bedtime either.......probably would have done better with sleep without it.  Seems okay in the AM though with the D3.......generally guarantees a bit of a lift later in the day.

 

Probably just will be a bit neuroemo until my out of state Mom and sister come(from 2 different states) as I want their help and all......and the company will be a nice switch and even comfort.  I am just not liking my non hospitality mode......inability to spruce the place up, etc.  They are going to do some hotel at the end of the stay unless I drive them batty previous to that or they drive me so.  There is one not too far away.  It'll be fine.  It'll be great.  It'll be a week to remember.......tralalalala.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

In general.  Right now.  People want too much from me.  And likewise......I want too much from them.  Bill time.  Try to get to that place in the day to do a few errands.

 

I feel shaky and shot.  Scattered and random.

 

The smallest expectation of myself is surely too much.

 

And it brings on the tears.

 

And the fears.

 

"Keep going MMT.  You are doing great.  Another long window and comfort is coming.  Eat.  Rest.  Let the rest go except for the high priorities......such as paying bills."


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Updated signature best I could with monkey brain.  2 mos. off the darn salts.   9 mos. off the equally darn Lexapro.  And off another 25 or so psycho. meds. 

 

So yay!!!  Welcome waves, not really but they are easier.  I will visualize giving them a ride to wherever they want to go next.  My words aren't as sure today.  My poor mind and body are so tired.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Felt pretty together in the latter part of day yesterday.  It doesn't equate to getting too much practical done round the monastery, etc. but am getting to the high priorities of managing finances, bills, eating.  I spose I did accomplish a few important conversations anyway.... earlier in the day...checking out counseling for my dear Son......hopefully more holistic practices and prices, etc.  Doing my therapy.......although by phone this week.......but thank you kind therapist for some practical tips on how to best manage with my upcoming "helpers" visit......Mum and sister.  Angel friend Merlene and groceries.....some. 

 

Finally, headed out to bank and for library.....late returns on the DVD's I had rented.  In the evening.  Took a shower and pretty much full hygiene.

 

The Blue moon was awesome to see and tried a couple pics.

 

Back to morning though......doldrums, etc.

 

It sure comes and goes though.......the waves.  Not as much abject thrashing to them but oooof.  And then the lovely ocean settles and I get to have a nice float for a bit.  With a nice clear mind and peaceful spirit.

 

A day......a moment........at a time.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Altostrata

Good to see you feeling better and getting out in real life as well as posting in other topics here. You're on the mend.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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manymoretodays

Thanks Altostrata.  It comes and goes though.  Today it is gone but not as far gone as it once was.......so trying to grasp the hope out of that.

 

Had an excellent Blue Moon half day yesterday!  And I foolishly thought it would last.  The windows.......the waves........

 

Your post made my day so far.  :)


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

My son is an alcoholic.  I am just getting used to the sound of it.  23 years old.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

He's accepted that he has underlying "depression".  So......good I guess.......I mean I don't have a clue.  Took the higher dose Trileptal and still insomnia, crabby, pretty hateful really.  And today is my birthday.  Whoop de do.  Tears of rage really and curling up into a ball.  A little pacing. Rocking.  And generally being the person that I never want to see again type.

 

I'll see how it goes with out of state family.  Doubtful that it will be much more than further agitating......possibly some laundry done and a bit of cleaning.  Unfortunately $$$cat grooming appt. is same day.......time conflict with therapist as well.  Of course I can deal with that later.  It's a weekend.

 

Catch 22......could be the agitation from Trileptal, herb withdrawal or protracted W/D.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Oh and he is sober now for 2 weeks.  He really is.  Looking forward to Alanon one of these days.  I do need some kind of real life support group and the mental health ones have become so tiresome.  Or just plain AA........we'll see.  

 

Sunday, Birthday..........relax.  Glad that one is more or less over.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Altostrata

Happy birthday. Hold on, it will get better.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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direstraits

Happy Birthday-sorry you're having such a bad time.(((hugs)))


went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.

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bluebalu86

Happy Birthday Many ! I wish you all the best - peace, healing and restored health. 


I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering

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manymoretodays

He totaled his car 2 weeks ago......no one else injured thank goodness.  DUI though when the police arrived.  And very nearly black out drunk.   But has been laying about for a long time now in his apt. paid for with his "inheritance"(not) that was just a small sum I set aside years ago for his instate college which he tried a few times without lasting interest, etc.  Oh.....he has tried working several times......never lasts though......2 mos. or less. 

 

He is brilliant however and we will do this one.......I will do this one.......and so will he.  My MAOI baby.  Damn them........I asked to be put in a study at the time but oh......good idea they said........hmmmm don't know of one.  He has had his difficulties socially and doing the work of school.......but so intelligent and so sensitive.  I hope he at least learns how to cry. 

 

Thank you ladies.  Going to try some more Magnesium now as this day post insomnia.........not fun.  Found some lovely orange citrus tea however...... :D


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

oh.....and thank you direstraits for the support also.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Tired right now......just so tired.  Calm but tired.  I get up.  Ensure and banana usually in the first hour.  Now I am having nuts and V8 tomato juice.  But this kind of tired usually just sets on in.  I can lay down but don't sleep.  I guess I will try a PB and J now too and see if I perk up as it is hard to do much practical.......think load of wash.....at least start one.......pay some more bills and balance my checking.......

 

I'm wondering if the ensure has too much sugar or something.  Usually the normal energy comes later in the day........but as I have to go to sleep at night it doesn't equate to much functional time.  I did stay up reading my book until one am.........I guess that wasn't such a good idea.

 

Oh.....and waking up......my brain just isn't right.  Don't you sometimes wish you could function like a robot until you came around.....I mean mentally came around?  I do.

 

My birthday turned out nice really.  Even headed out and got some cake.  A couple of nice incoming phone calls and other pleasantries.  :)

 

Had my usual chat with angel Merlene this am......quite extraordinary really this friendship of mine and how much it helps.  I think she knows......I try and thank a lot.  And I also think it gives her some room or I do to express her hopes for everyday or what she is doing with her people and all.  And she is always the one who reminds me how much better I am doing and encourages and all that.  I wish in this whole world of people......more were like her and maybe I can be one day.

 

My son coming later......not sure he will be able to mow......some wonderful rain but will definitely get on out to dinner.......hopefully something "ethnic" and then I'll drive him back home.  I had hoped to make bigger bday plans......go to an Arts Fest........but this will have to suffice.  I just couldn't see me lasting out there for the long period that that would involve.  Doesn't make me terribly sad though.  Do what I can.  A day at a time.  Many more todays(said in a positive going forward way).  :-)


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Oh well....can't further edit today or cancel partial posts. 


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Altostrata

I think I cleaned it up.

 

Good to hear your birthday went better later on. You do sound like you're improving.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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manymoretodays

back in the hole.......got the trash out........

 

thank you


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

In reality/somewhat......my obsessing mind today......tells me that this may be the last time I see my Muma alive.  I mean knowing whats ahead for me.......unlikely I will be fit to travel much of anywhere come Christmas.

 

Waving my magic wand.......I can be some kind of gracious hostess and a bit of a good daughter to boot.  I hope they see.......I really do........that the hotel nearby will be a better place for them right now.  Have had way to high of expectations of what they can do, how they can help right now.   I mean they will make it okay here for one night I believe.......and then I don't think I can bear to have my 88 yr. old......recent and successful hip replacement survivor, down on her hands and knees scrubbing and cleaning.......I just can't.  My princess sister perhaps.......at least she can help get the cat groomed.  I mean.....they don't know their way around here and are as slow as I am with technology.......my patience will be tested.   Plus all that idle chatter which will result between the 2 of them.  And then their memories never quite match up with my own...........as far as much in the early years of our "happier than most, downright Ozzie and Harriet" type family.

 

Have kind of reversed any sunny options to......sell house at a loss......paying family members to come, from my IRA, to help liquidate any of my material goods.  Then or in tandem, buying a trailer in a rundown trailer park, but nearby public transport......possibly even walking distance to a decent health food store and maybe a doctors office.  And hoping the other fairly indigent neighbors, of course others who are disabled and such, are fairly decent.........unlikely in rundown trailer parks but..........one can always pray.  I mean all of this will take at least a year or maybe more.......such as my family is all out of state and busy just like most people.  I don't trust anyone else though anymore.  I don't do well around bunches of strangers coming around to do much of anything for long.  I'm a lot paranoid and somewhat psychotic sometimes.  I can't even really me much help to my dear alcoholic DUI son sunshine.  Only 2 weeks out now.....he will find his way.........I can just pay my ex to help him the best he can.......ex always wants/needs money for any kindness he can offer........and yes, he was fairly abusive......although just in that verbal way....."hey let's kick you while your down".  Of course he's long forgiven......he married(me) an unmedicated,  do everything type with a good career and lost her after about 10 years.......he had his own mental health problems too.  He is fairly dependable and timely though.......something I cannot be at this time.

 

This Magnesium seems a bit depressing but it is better than the agitation.  No GI upset.........yet.......but not sure I can read or do much offline other than couch potato.  And eat......time for another frozen dinner wonder meal.  Pretty wobbly in other words.  Woah.......real wobbly actually.......but starting to laugh at my own depressing words anyway.

 

Only one bill collector, so to speak........added on a late fee this mos. so that's the positive.  And only 2 more bills to pay.

 

I'm going to try and read.  A Toni Morrison book and then perhaps get it returned on time.  Maybe color too......in my most excellent fully grown adult coloring book with inspirational quotes and lovely outdoor scenes.

 

Had a big daddy antler deer visitor too.......didn't get a chance to ask him to pay for the fence damage.......pretty sure it was the deer..........maybe not........I'll go with maybe not.......and someday get it repaired.

 

Thanks for the space.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

And furthermore.......my justified anger which I have great difficulty expressing........is with the lack of a whole system that actually helps people when they are distressed, right from the start.......not just the pharmaco's or shrinks, or myriads of social workers and psychologists singly.......but the whole darn lot of them.  And can we.....I mean any of us........really make a difference for even the next generation.  Oh, let's add in society........our whole society now.

 

I guess there's a reason for our suffering..........I guess........although I am not even sure at this moment I have changed one person in the system.......not even one.  Maybe, possibly, hopefully........at least one in society.......not sure who yet though........

 

My Muma did go to Beyond Meds once.......just on FB.......once.  Unfortunately she understands the mainstream mental illness hype much easier.  She went to groups and came to help so many times already...........and even that awful ex of mine wanted to sue my psychiatrist or report her or something.........not sure if he ever did.  But I have assured my shrink that I am not the suing type......will never be.......but still.......that last visit........oh that last visit..........oh......oh.......oh, the things she said to me and even with my friend sitting there too and even as I paced about.

 

Big black hole kinda day is all it is.......


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Third post today.  So yawn......

 

Just wanted to say though that better.  Out of black hole.  My dear child came by to mow for me.......has to do a bit of a commute to do so and without a car.  And that my fellow sufferers made all the difference.  He is still not so far in truly facing his ordeal or taking much action but is staying sober and I have every hope he will succeed.  In time.  With help.  And hopefully will sign any Hippa forms when he starts counseling so I can insist on no meds. or low med. singular for very short time......carefully observed.

 

Maybe it was just the pulling together to drive him back to the transit center........out of house.......always does it for me for a short time.  Clarity.  Some safe social, loving going outward interaction.  :) :) :) :)   Really not paranoid psychotic but I have felt lately some re visitation of my Seroquel time.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Getting some good eating in.  Also I am once again being hacked.  So catch you all soon.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Maybe hacked is not the best term.  But someone kind of following me around my usual sites(I can tell by the cross references they make).  And now 3 loved ones surrounding me most of the time.......in computer area as it's in main living space.  Annoyance......yes......love the feeling, isn't it grand(said sarcastically).

 

Had a moment or several though actually today.  So just thought I would offer further explanation of decreased journaling(yawn.....but it is helpful to me lol).

 

So will try a shift to gratitude before going to my favorite place lately on site.

Okay, that was that.  :ph34r:


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

I sleep real well for about 5 hours.  But my mind and body need more........I think they do.  So am up.  If only to get sleepy again I hope.

 

I haven't been the most gracious hostess but did better yesterday than the day before.  I'm not sure if I have said thank you enough.

 

We got some vines cleared off my bedroom window and now the light really comes in well.......so I can sit real cozy in there in the daytimes and read or draw.

 

I may be able to report that my mountain......oh yes......mountain of laundry will be all done and sorted and put away in just another few days.  That alone is huge.  And most of it I am doing myself while my family/helpers have their other assignments.

 

It's my town days celebration this week.  Lot's of little, somewhat corny events and today is the big day.  I could/should/really want to/wish I could go on this hike up one of the mountains nearby with the past mayor.  An all day thing......and lol......I would have to be ready to go in less than 10 minutes and then it is 3 or so hours up and 2 hours down.  I get frustrated that I have to delay doing things that I really like and wait and be patient.........maybe next year for sure.  I did try and go one year in the past........missed the group by a few minutes.......it's still dark.........but hiked anyway that whole day......bushwhacked off trail.......saw a rattlesnake baby.........drank untreated running stream water.........and got my legs all scratched up.  I can do the official one another year.........he takes them up to the site of a plane crash years ago and a lake and of course amazing views all around.

 

Yawn....I might try for another hour or so sleep here before the visitors wake........either that or get some of my now clean clothes put away and do some other clearing in my bedroom.  My other goal, with help..........is to get this front area of the house tidied and organized........includes kitchen living and dining area and computer.......a smallish great room with high ceilings........and then the hallway and bathroom down the hall.  So then I will feel better when I have people in to help later after my family is gone. 

 

So mostly just the organizational difficulties........I think and the neuroemo stuff.........and can't always put my words out right from my brain........I mean I can and go over backwards trying to explain how I feel, what I need, etc.   I guess it's the how I feel that gets to me..........feeling so intensely...........that sometimes I just have to sit, stand, or pace or laydown to allow myself to feel it all.  It's hard and a challenge not to stuff stuff.  But sometimes I am really clear and level too.......those are the best times right now.

 

Therapy is going good.  I brought my son on in with me this week and needed to.  His friend texted me and his Dad that he was concerned and we should get him into counseling ASAP.  He contracted that he would not suicide and talked in private with my therapist........because I had to step out.  I am so worried that we will loose him.  Then I brought him home and he stayed for a couple days with us, me......his grandma.........and aunt but he wants.......I guess needs to stay in the city for now.  He talked to me a little more.  And is not drinking.  And my therapist helped me see that he wants/needs to do this hard stuff on his own without me being such a mother of a little boy or something.........that this is how it is when your child is 23........not that he ever told me too much anyway when he was younger.  So......I am less scared for him overall.......he is just in such a black hole place right now.......and I can feel it all..........however.......I will be alright........he will be alright.  He called 2 of the possibles for his own counseling........could only leave messages.........hopefully call backs on Monday and at least his first appointment scheduled. 

 

Universal good intentions and prayers for all today.  I will probably do some out time with family......maybe the parade.......maybe walk around and look at the booths and things in the old city park.  A day at a time.  Finished one book.  Started another.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Seven hours of sleep!  Definitely overdid.......over stimulation to this poor old nervous system.  Sun, walking, events, eating out, etc. 

 

May I say my sisters rambling on and on and on is most difficult.  Mum is a bit hard of hearing and when she doesn't hear it is very hard to speak up without feeling like I am yelling at someone.  Then yesterday ended with us watching a movie(turned up real loud) while the town celebration fireworks were going(which of course excited my sister's enthusiasm to no end and more chatter).  Lord knows......I handled it........it's not more than I can handle.........but please make it easier.......and soon.

 

Not sure if I feel more or less overwhelmed then I did before they came.  I guess that at least is neutral.

 

Huge tree branch also fell 2 nights ago.  My bros(mormon neighbors) and I got it all squared away.......and again.......a lot of exercise hauling and such.  Least no tears with their kindness.  And again.....I don't have much to give back with at this time to anyone.  Super critical.  The grace there.....yes, the grace is that it didn't hit the roof.  Hoping when(my neighbors tree and she is disabled with post "broken neck" injury and pain control treatment only and financially in more dire straits than I) it cracks again......at least when it hits my home......it just lands softly.  I mean how can I hate a tree.  My bushes it landed on appear to be very hardy.  I get complimented now......that I accept their help(the neighbors), that that is a good thing as compared to some.  Don't know that I want to believe that it is however......so sick of being the needy.....oh me oh my poor woman type........don't know much about anything today.

 

So......any empowerment I get to feeling over my chronic situation gets pretty quickly undone to below neutral for awhile.  Will cry a river today and hopefully just eat and chill.  They go to the hotel tonight(as planned).  Not even sure I will go over for a swim, as much as I love to swim......it's a smallish indoor pool and just might involve me calling forth some strength I just can't find today for the next few days.

 

Ensure now hits my gut like a rock.  High protein stuff.....nuts and chicken and such seems okay.  V8 vegetable juice is easy.  Bananas and dairy seem fine.  And the ever present and easy PB and J's.  Frozen dinners and raw vegies/fruits in small doses and dairy seems to sit well as well.  Yougurt with fruit.......applesauce.......yawn......I am sure nobody is too interested.

 

That's my peep.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Altostrata

It sounds like you have wonderful neighbors. And it sounds like you're getting better!

 

Go for that swim and treat yourself.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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manymoretodays

Swam x2.  Neuroemo......especially around Mum and son thoughts.  Will do my best to give them each a hug manana........when they each go back to their own haunts.

Good day yesterday.  Today more iffy but doable.

Oh......I did ask Mum for $$$$.  I guess she'll send a check one day soon, write it out of her "estate".  Just the asking was very hard, very, very hard.........it hurt me.  But will help me as well.......get over this feeling that I am going to run out, wind up on the streets, etc., etc.  At least for a little while.

 

And too tired to read.

 

Alto, best taper advice for Trileptal?  Does it have to be 10%.  So far I have 300mg. scored tablets and a couple different size syringes...... 10cc., 5 cc. and 3cc.   I have a kitchen mortar and pestle.  I have a small brown glass container with lid.  The hole in it doesn't fit any of my syringes though.   Thanks in advance.  Oh, least complex method is best.  I can wait....... but was thinking of crushing the 300 mg. now(it would give me maximum nightly dosage for 2 nights) just to get the hang of it before tapering.

 

Or where online to get more efficient equipment?


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Sooooo.......nevermind Alto.  I have it all printed off from another day.  "How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules".  Sooooooooooo.......next I will study it.  LOL.

 

Darn......old habits are hard to break.  Woke up early ish with yet great intentions.  One cup......just one darn cup........of coffee+mocha has left me all jittery......brain and body.  Spent some time here and there on computer and now 3 whole hours later........wondering if I should just hang it on up......any real doing that is.......for today.

 

I think best......I will modify my great intentions list.  One thing.  Just one thing.  And when I feel the success of that........take a breather, then one more.......and repeat......ad nauseum.

 

Okay......gonna flick around the site some more first.  :ph34r:

 

And try my magnesium in split doses throughout the day.  In cold water.  :)

 

Thanks.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Check book balanced completely.  Yay!!!  Huge.  Major!  That was 2 days ago.

 

Not so good wavish ooftah......el ick yesterday plus another night of insomnia prior to it.

 

I think I like weekends again......or at least this one......and I strive to do better on holidays.  Thankful for my therapy yesterday......just to vent mostly.......phone only.  Heck......she does get paid.

 

Interesting so far today......a more out of the usual happening with my ex........coming over to demand the check for the car repairs of my son's car(post DUI, etc. and we are trying to split all the costs of this and whatever else for him.......legal, counseling included).

 

Man, is he worked up.  He thought I was attacking him or something when I started to converse in a very calm, nice way about the extra responsibilities and costs I would now have with 2 cars.  I mean......don't get me wrong.......funky doodle machine is not always reliable and there will be some pluses to having 2 cars for a little while.  Which I did mention.

 

Well he is insomniac worse than I.......and very, very stressed.......I should have noticed before I spoke.  Well.......long story short.........I was able to shift and let him know I understood.......boy did I understand his state of mind...........and that made all the difference.  I mean I could see his face relax a bit and his demands were less urgent.......and off he went on his less than merry way.

 

But no ideas here folks(be not getting ideas I mean)........I would not.......never........in a million, trillion years re unite with that beast of burden in some kind of relationship post divorce.  Perhaps on the other side of a duplex as MY present home doesn't have possibility of separate entrance to another's living space.

 

Who knows.....maybe a suitable housemate of types will show up(someone that is on a regular schedule and out a lot......lol, but who could help with expenses and repairs and such), that would really help........more likely is that my son will wind up back here.........so will wait and see.   If it is son, I do feel fairly optimistic today that we could work out better the usage of rooms here.  He always stays in his old room, upstairs and across the hall from me and hangs out up here too........but I think I could convince him of the value of having a couple rooms downstairs as his own for a bit.  It's really the transportation issue that is so bad living here while he is carless and hopefully getting help and beginning to change.  I don't really want to be his chauffeur either.......selfish as that may sound.  I mean he is 23.  He does have a bike and could do bus hook-ups to other transit though.

 

Well.......glad to have a day here.........a window kind of day today.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

I guess the fact that it was difficult to find my way to my own journal page says enough.

 

My son will be moving back next week.

 

Other than that........I can't remember much of what I have already said so.................................

 

Oh......crying jags, rocking, inability to focus long, fatigue, etc.  That "it's all my fault" feeling for just about anything that is wrong.

 

Come on clock I say today..........let's just get on to tomorrow.

 

Oh well......I have a whole hour.  I see your post Skyler........thank you something to attend to another day.  Congrats on being off the Benzo's!  It's okay on the blame thing........I am well used to it and it is easier than a lot of the states.  A bit lost in that inability to do much, offer much to others and that feeling of selfishness that comes with.  And oooh.......the cynicism........it is just there about everything under the sun.

 

Hoping to try a close by AA mtg. tomorrow........who knows.....maybe it will help.

 

I will add to Fresh's "undateable" term as I also feel "unfriend able"  in real life as I know this inconsistency goes on a very long time.

 

I however, do have a pretty durable imagery boat, and I think I am in it now.........the waves are pretty calm........the island is in site..........

 

I guess that's it........maybe........indecisive.......

 

I will try to remember to go to an easy grey too..........I can't really look at your message Skyler as my eyes can't really take the flashing fireworks today.  They kind of stay with me even when I went offline for a few.  Now on another day.......no problem and no problem.     In any case........teatime........yay!  I will try to remember grey, grey, grey..............  Some days color really helps me but I will try to be more respectful of others.  Sob.........meaning the tears of uselessness and annoyance to others and all that.  It's okay to talk about it I hope.

 

I am sad about so many things and so afraid.  And so tired of the "good day" feelings where I forget it isn't going to last.  And honest the sheer torture that I cannot help anyone but myself right now.

 

I did have a good visit with my friend who in all likelihood I will not see again as he is basically homeless.........not sure, but pretty sure he is aware of that now.........I will probably still from time to time get his "inspirations" via e-mail and at least know he is still alive somewhere. 

 

Maybe my angel will call today too.  Okay........will try for mute.........and tea.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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Skyler

I guess the fact that it was difficult to find my way to my own journal page says enough.

 

Oh......crying jags, rocking, inability to focus long, fatique, etc.  That "it's all my fault" feeling for just about anything that is wrong.

 

Make a link to this thread from your sig. line so you can find it without a hassle.. see mine for an example.

 

Sorry to hear you are feeling so blue... please don't blame yourself.


As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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manymoretodays

Holding is hard, hard work(whoever's quote that is)

 

Yet, I have hope and help and so very thankful for that.  With my son........  we'll see how the family resource coordinator works out.  In theory.......it sounds like a great thing.  In reality it may prove to be life saving(for son).  I can handle this.......I can handle this..........I can handle this..........ad nauseum.........

 

For now......if I just sign on in and go to my content......

 

Thank you all.........many hugs.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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manymoretodays

Tough day right now. 

 

Started out pretty clear, even got a walk in, took some pictures........all was lovely.  Son's friend brought the first of 2 loads in.  They should be back soon with second.  And then he, my son will be officially back home tomorrow.  His first appointment is scheduled with.......what sounds like a really good counselor.  Talked to her yesterday and she listened so well.  And then he got the call for the appointment in about 2 weeks.

 

Then I just shifted into what sooooo feels like temporary dementia.........scary, yes.  I tried to down load some music both on my computer and then on my phone and not like I ever understood the process before.......but as yet can't play it in either place........only a loss of about $18.00.  I would go to the AT and T store for help but I am not sure I could communicate what I need help with.  Maybe tomorrow.  If it is slow there they usually can figure out the problem really fast.  Just my incompetency in the, what is difficult for many, techno stuff kind of convinced me I was stark raving mad.....like in crazy.   I used to be able to just buy google play music and then it would turn up in my droids music player.  Not to be.  The first purchase was same thing as far as the music I wanted but just came in a zipped file and I have it but don't have the faintest idea how to open the file and then get it on my droid from my computer.......just dumb stuff I can't figure out, never could though.......ugh.

 

Fog brain now and I think once they come and drop off more stuff I will lay down or something.........and so so worried..........brain is just temporarily disorganized.........some clarity will return I am certain later on or by morning.  Whoosh.

 

Sleep a little off but overall doing okay.  The money situation is okay.  Definitely not a day to try for much at all further than relax, relax, relax some more.  Eating is going okay.  Just so darn confused right now.

 

Ugh.......difficult........ugh.

 

I will try an itty bitty amount of Mag. in water.


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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