Faithbarelysurviving: Too damaged?

[Altostrata]

Dear Altostrata

I started decreasing the buspirone sometime in Dec January and got worse and worse...

Went back and forth not knowing what todo/happening. Then i tried reducing bupropion once for one or two days and got worse and went back. And i also tried reducing Escitalopram for a day and God!!!!!!!went back. So maybe i have screed up even worse my whole system????I thnk i was better??before trying these withdrawals and now i am much much more screwd up....i don t because i do not remember...........i am out of it soooooo bad, twiching clenched problems breathing and.....psychotic maybe? delirious?? You think if I go back on buspirone to what it was before is too late for that?

 

Faith, you need to reduce these drugs somehow. They are making you sick. Do not go back and forth in dosing.

 

Instead of reducing buspirone by a quarter of a tablet (25%), reduce it by less -- an eighth of a tablet. To cut a quarter in half, cut the quarter through the side of the tablet, not from the top of the tablet.

 

This may make it easier to reduce buspirone. Hopefully, this will not disturb your system too much. Give the reduction at least 4 days to take effect. Let us know how you are doing.

 

http://blogs.windsorstar.com/news/windsor-psychiatrist-ravi-shenava-faces-more-patient-allegations-of-sexual-assault

 

He put his hands on me too in one of my hospitalizations......

 

Did you add to the complaints? You should.

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Thank you Martina... I think I went through many withdrawals but they were done and caused much damage, protracted....plus the drugs themselves, many antidepressants, long term bbenzos....antipsychotics....why would anybody give me antipsychotics in the name of God????? All the drs that I had, some treated me briefley, doped me up with meds that hurt my system very bad, because my body eas not accustomed to any kind of meds prior to 2005 when i stsrted taking AD and benzos. I went thtough many withdrawls with brain zaps and much more, but as I felt horrible not knowing i needed to go slow taper, got put up on other meds when I was actually in protracted withdrawal.... Once they took me off antipsychotic Seroquel because i think i developed neuroleptic syndrome, and the withdrawal was so fast i was psychotic for almost two years, muscles tight like cement....a form of dystonia or I do not know...they screwed me up big time and with the fast benzo withdrawals, Severe akathisia and all the horriific symptoms of protracted benzo sithdrawal....and now i am in hell.

 

 

They all endagered my life and almost killed me!!!!i was taken by ambumbalance so many tymes, once they had defibrilators ready in case my heart stopped....i couldn t breathe......i still have that......i know all about the most horrific withdrawals and side effects..... These people are criminals and I was so stupid because i did not know how to core y stop these poisons, but i think i reacted to most of them and i just wanted to get rid of them!!!! 10 yrs of torture and severe mental and physical disabilities...

God bless us all!

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Deat Altostrata,

The buspirone pill i can cut in half, then each half in four. So 8 pieces. That is how I have reduced it but it seemed i got worse......So after4 days i should feel better or feel the withdrawal? My symptoms sre so many and so horrible I don t know what is side effect, what is withdrawal grom buspirone, what is protracted withdrawal..... God i just want a little bit of normality to sleep without waking up in terror and pain and twiches and totally confused, soooo suicidal sometimes.....I mean to wake up and first thought is you killing yourself????? Or harming somebody else????? And not even being aware of what is happening whete i am ...it s like psychosis or delirium i don t know what what would be called.........paranoid like crazy and stiff and and clencehd and muscles pulling my head back, my spine too, etc etc

 

That so called doctor, i am too ill to complain.... Or can I do it via e mail without talking to anybody? I don t even know....

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Dear bdtd i will try to get to you i am in such a bad state

Thank you for being kind

[Martina23]

Faith, I know it is unjustified. But you can not change the past. You can change only your future, that you survive.

[LoveandLight]

I hope I'm not speaking out of place here..

 

But maybe as long as your making a start reducing try and not to worry about the withdrawal too much. I mean, it's already determined that you are taking a dangerous combination so the main aim is to reduce as Alto has advised. Just concentrate on (and I know it's so hard) what you can change and do. Right now you are taking control and reducing the first med..this is a start.

 

Xx

[SelmaLady]

(((Faith)))  I want to share something that was posted to me from a moderator here, Peturnia.  I was in some of the very worst of it and I read this over and over because I know she was right.  I had expressed the fact that I didn't know how I was going to get through this and this was part of her reply:

 

"I've often asked myself this question and I've learned that the way to endure the unbearable is one moment at a time.  If we let ourselves think about future moments, it can seem too much, but we are always able to endure the one moment we have, then as each moment passes, we are slowly getting closer to that future moment which isn't quite so unbearable. "     Underline and bold are mine.  

 

I have gotten to a place where it is not so unbearable and I expect to get further still.  Even tho I'm having a bit of set back now, it is still not as bad as I was a few months ago. 

 

If you can reduce the amount of drugs in your system , I know you will begin to see a change.  Praying for you.

[mammaP]

Faith please listen to Alto, she is expert at this and knows more than most doctors.  I wish there was something we could do to lessen this for you but all we can do is be here for you and Alto can guide you through the stages of tapering. It does seem fast but she knows which drugs would cause the worst withdrawal symptoms and the worst  interactions and has a good idea which is best to go first. The combination is making you very sick. I hope your husband looks at this site sometime so he can see what is happening and support you.  You will get better, it will take a long time but you will get better and then you can make complaints about the treatment you have received. 

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Thank you.

 

An important question please: How do I know that I do not have a paradoxical reaction to Clonazepam??? I mean all the rage, the tightening of my head, neck rigid as a rock, muscles on http://blogs.windsorstar.com/news/windsor-psychiatrist-ravi-shenava-faces-more-patient-allegations-of-sexual-assaulttopof my head tight toght startled after waking startled really bad and hostile, aggresive, the paranoia, the sensitivity to light, noise, teeth pain, jaws clenched, the depression the crying, I wouldn t be able to sleep without the trazadone, weaking up wired and irritable as hell, keeping grudges , pounding heart and my aggresive behaviour irrational

 

What do you think????

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Thank you mammaP and all everybody!

 

Altostrata when i fall asleep like a nap, i wake up crazy as i said above. What about this poison of clonazepam, I read about people with paradoxical reactions and similar symptoms.....God what have i done to deserve this? I must be a really unwanted person on this earth.

[Altostrata]

Given that you are taking 8 psychiatric drugs, it's impossible to say which is causing any particular symptoms.

 

Clonazepam is probably not the worst offender.

 

I've done my best to suggest what I would do in your situation. Taking charge and taking care of yourself is up to you. No one can do it for you.

[ricardo7]

I don't Know if someone wrοte it before  but I want to tell you: Don't think  all the hour how many drugs are you taking. There are many people who are damaged only with 2-3 pills from one drug - and maybe they are more damaged than you or they have a  very serious symptom which is worse and more debilitating than yours all together! 

On the other hand there are people who take benzos (for example) for 40 years and they have little or no problems.

I don't want to underestimate your situation (the crime for you is 1.000 times more hideous) but ...nobody Knows. You can recover faster and more easily than someone who tοοκ  one drug.
I wish you the best and good luck...

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Ricardo i am not even able to think because my mind "races" constantly, so many different altered states of mind like flipping through channels of a broken TV. I feel Possessed mind and body, no conyrol over my body or my mind....i don t know what can be worse than this....everything changes from a moment to another no stopping and it is pure Evil, it s like my body is constantly in a seisure of some kind , no stopping......i have to try to feed myself or to go to the washroom, i am probably dehydrated because i cannot move from bed to the kitchen , i am grasping for air almost constantly... And much more, tongue moving against teeth , grinding, pain like crazy in face eyes jsw body teethhead. ,body, nerves all over are hurting, sensations of things moving in my head that i want to smash it to the walls, csnnot take a shower, hard to recognize my family or interact with them, God knows how I manage to take the meds, fury, evilness... And things i cannot rxplain and hapen constantly ... Suicidal , homicidal , cannot comunicate, Possesed like .....what can be worse? bed ridden ....i have 2 kids.....no cooking, no housework,no homework( I can bately add 1+1)...out of my mind literally, writing these from an i phone while clenched and barely seeing (eyesight problems), cannot articulate words, cannot read a book.....just trying to stay alive and use my brain which is soooo limited to keep in touch with you guys and try to make sense of who what is writing

[Martina23]

Faith, I am sorry that you have to suffer so much. We have to believe that it gets better.

[Altostrata]

Faith, did you reduce buspirone today?

 

If not the buspirone, did you reduce the Wellbutrin?

 

You are having adverse effects from the drugs. I am very worried about you. When was the last time you went to the hospital and what did they prescribe for you there?

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Dear Altostrata, i have been taking 10 mg + 5mg + 1/4of the 5mg for i don t know....a mth or maybe a bit more and I think i was much more tired, in that kind of "sleep" almost constantly, not hearing the alarm to take my meds many times, i think it was withdrawal ( from 10 mg + 5 mg + 1/2mg of 5mg), brainzaps, very very out, don t know if I was eating, akathisia, ....very out I barely remember, shaky hands and could not stay on my legs, trembling, wably and no coordination....so i went up again by 1/4 of 5mg bit of improvement....O could make my son a sandwich ( it was like a bit of a small "window" if i can call it that), and i am trying to remember if i ate..i ate some bluberries, and two sandwiches today i think, i had a couple of glases of water .

The last i was at the hospital was last summer, i mean last summer i got out after 1 yr of torture in that institution. When I got in the hospital I was on Zoloft and Valium, screwed up big time because i was trying to taper off valium, my friend that was helping me pushed me to do it faster....I got crazy burning all over all the horrid sumptoms that you can get and more....fear terror paranoia rigidity of neck head pressure like crazy and more more , then I got into hospital, I was blaming both the Zoloft and the decrease in valium, my previous dr changed Zoloft with Cipralex and the new dr started to detox me from valium fast.....he dropped 4mg of valium in one day!!!!! and gave me Abilify and something else at the same time!!!! I was Crazy in pain burning nerves all overu body , my neck got kind of sucked up in my body of horrible tension, i was crying, akathisia non stop pacing and pacing. And he decided to give me seroquel ..... I got nuts!!!!! After a mth he took out the seroquel i was crying constantly, pacing like crazy that damn prison hallway, i think i had seisures, they gote to ER, the dr there accused the valium crazy witjdrawal, and when she saw all yhe meds shr mentioned interactions, she couldn t do anything, gave me Ativan and I think Iv, it is a blurr..... I was alteady on Buspirone for benzo withdrawal, Gabapent for the same reason, Wellbutrin, Trazadone for sleep, Baclofen for cervical pain and muscle spasms rigidity...Propranolol, he almost killed me, i am a miracle, and he tried other antipsychotics on me, i had reactions, code red because i wasn t responding anymore, given injections to counteract.....His response: I Was Faking everything!!!!! Bastard. And now i am still in protracted withdrawal from valium.........and with a ton of meds to cover his Imbecility....and it was my fault i was so handicapped, I was faking it, I could not even communicate with anybody, my brain was shot, i think i was psychotic , deliriois, delusional for sure and still am... So that is when I got pit on all these medications....Three drs i had and all of them almost killed me.....and I could have killed myself a billion times and still fighting not to do it.....but there are sooooo many times when it is beyond my control.....however i think i am so disabled mentally and physically that i couldn t do it

 

And before that other hospitalizations, CT withdtawal from Clonazepam....laying in hospital bed almost lifeless......I have some flashbacks.... These people should be .... Shot

[ricardo7]

Faith, try to reduce one -one the drugs with Alto's way. You may  feel better immediatelly after the reduction. Many people don't exprerience w/d symptoms but only side effects. I cannot move from bed too due to dizziness. Υοur b@$d psychiatrist must be punished for this crime.

Yοu are very strong , you can quit most of the drugs and you will feel better. We have to fight, Faith. You are strong , your logic is still here, you can do it.

[Faithbarelysurviving]

God Bless Ricardo

[Altostrata]

Faith, if you don't want to reduce the buspirone, how about working on the Wellbutrin?

 

Although I almost never suggest someone go to the hospital, I think you are taking so many drugs that if you can't reduce them yourself, I would say go to the hospital and tell them you need to go off some of the drugs. I expect if they take you in, they won't taper, they'll immediately discontinue the drugs, which may make you very ill.

 

But you need to go off the drugs somehow. Are you going to focus on it and do it yourself? We can't do much for you here other than counsel you in this.

[btdt]

http://blogs.windsorstar.com/news/windsor-psychiatrist-ravi-shenava-faces-more-patient-allegations-of-sexual-assault

 

He put his hands on me too in one of my hospitalizations......

I was thinking hosp must be terrible to suffer so much and not go for help.  I see there are many reasons.. I am sorry none of this is your fault but leave it till later.  

I get your state I get not being able to get up.  Will your husband get you things you need it is important not to get dehydrated... pedialyte is what I recommend I know it is sweet but it works adding water if you can't take it helps too.  

 

I don't have any great insights but I  have found a couple of people along the way where I thought if I got into really big crap I would reach out to those who know and there are not many actually only one... I know her to be a sort of advocate/survivor no promises as I may not be able to find her and if I can find her I don't know if she will be able to assist in your area.  It is worth a shot. 

I wish you peace

[btdt]

I found a mental health advocate office gov't I suspect but the links seem broken in case it is temporary.. I will give it but this is not the lady I was thinking of still looking for her

http://www.sse.gov.on.ca/mohltc/ppao/en/Pages/SystemicAdvocacy.aspx?openMenu=smenu_SystemicAdvocacy

[Martina23]

Faith, please fight! You have to go down with your medicaments! You have to find this strenght in yourself.

[Faithbarelysurviving]

So Altostrata which one do you think I should try to reduce? Pray you ll make the right decision. God no hospital . My thinking is very abnormal, maybe delusional i don t know how,having difficlty breathing, my body is wably and very heavy like glued to the bed,then i feel like moving, head tight with jaws temples, tongue glued to the theeth feel so tired heavy breathing, head is wably because of the neck not supporting it. No more hospital, if I die I die in my bed. Do you think they can help me there? I will stay with you guys

[Faithbarelysurviving]

(((Faith)))  I want to share something that was posted to me from a moderator here, Peturnia.  I was in some of the very worst of it and I read this over and over because I know she was right.  I had expressed the fact that I didn't know how I was going to get through this and this was part of her reply:

 

"I've often asked myself this question and I've learned that the way to endure the unbearable is one moment at a time.  If we let ourselves think about future moments, it can seem too much, but we are always able to endure the one moment we have, then as each moment passes, we are slowly getting closer to that future moment which isn't quite so unbearable. "     Underline and bold are mine.  

 

I have gotten to a place where it is not so unbearable and I expect to get further still.  Even tho I'm having a bit of set back now, it is still not as bad as I was a few months ago. 

 

If you can reduce the amount of drugs in your system , I know you will begin to see a change.  Praying for you.

(((Faith)))  I want to share something that was posted to me from a moderator here, Peturnia.  I was in some of the very worst of it and I read this over and over because I know she was right.  I had expressed the fact that I didn't know how I was going to get through this and this was part of her reply:

 

"I've often asked myself this question and I've learned that the way to endure the unbearable is one moment at a time.  If we let ourselves think about future moments, it can seem too much, but we are always able to endure the one moment we have, then as each moment passes, we are slowly getting closer to that future moment which isn't quite so unbearable. "     Underline and bold are mine.  

 

I have gotten to a place where it is not so unbearable and I expect to get further still.  Even tho I'm having a bit of set back now, it is still not as bad as I was a few months ago. 

 

If you can reduce the amount of drugs in your system , I know you will begin to see a change.  Praying for you.

That is how i am surviving my hell.

Don t stop praying

God bless all of you!

[AliG]

 Faith, what did you decide to do ?  Did you reduce the buspirone?

[btdt]

Maybe a person here that has access to Healy or the other doc who gives advice for cash... could try to pick their brains for free just this one time.. maybe. Just a thought. 

 

I hear you loud and clear Faith wishing you well. Peace 

[Faithbarelysurviving]

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/11847943/?i=3&from=/2247245/related

 

I don t understand this article, which one is worse, bupropion or buspirone??

[Faithbarelysurviving]

I have those symptoms that they are talking about in there dystonya is it??? + iritability amd foggy foggy mind i cannot make decisions

[btdt]

• Bupropion-induced acute dystonia.

  www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11847943

  •  

  by MB Detweiler - ‎2002 - ‎Cited by 31 - ‎Related articles

  Bupropion-induced acute dystonia. Detweiler MB(1), Harpold GJ. Author information: (1)Department of Psychiatric Medicine (116A7), Salem Veterans Affairs ...

It seems they can both cause dystonia 

There is a list here of drug that can cause it and suggested to be avoided.. but they also say some of these drug may oddly help..in other words they don't know that is what it means to me.. and it could be they don't know as we are all a bit different. 

 

http://www.spasmodictorticollis.org/index.cfm?pid=60

[AliG]

 Faith, you have to let us know what you are doing, with the medication.  What  have you decided? Are you tapering?   Are you going to "hospital".?

[Faithbarelysurviving]

Damn these drs i hope they all go to hell along with their poisons of meds.....making peopleliterly Crazy and disabled. This is worse than torture, this is pure Evil diabolical how can you fight with Evil when it ppossess your mind and body?????i can t even pray that s how screwed up my mind is... I feel pure evil, i live in a house if it were a building i would have jumped a looong time ago and right now.... akathisia damn you, I reduced 1/4 of 5 mg of Buspirone.... I think that wellbutrin is poison....bupropion.... Which one should i try to rduce?i am writing i have no idea to whom i am totally out; nuts, angry fury at anything i now this is not reality i am experiencing i now that!!it is a horrible altered state...i am in bed, can t see well, i am soo scared

[btdt]

If I were in your shoes and the hosp was completely out... (I would likely go to the hosp) with that off the list my next best bet?

I would try what Alto has to say.. it is the best we have.  

[Faithbarelysurviving]

I don t know what to do with the meds....No hospital

Bupropion or Buspar decrease? I don t know!

Guys don t get mad with me

[Faithbarelysurviving]

In the hospital they will give me more meds if they see me like this, don t you think?

[Faithbarelysurviving]

I am decreasing the buspirone by 1/4th of 5 mg

[Meimeiquest]

Alto will hopefully chime in, but a quick look at the drug interactions looks like the Buspar is increasing the blood levels and/or action of several drugs, so when you reduce Buspar, it is like shaving a little off most everything. So that makes it very hard, and very helpful, if you can just hold steady and pull it off. Hopefully Alto can confirm or correct that theory.