Vonnegutjunky: Paxil 10 mg for 8 years - partial wean with reinstatement

January 29, 2016

Thank you for your reply Rachel, it means more than you know- I guess I hope my struggle can be a saving grace for someone, you know I don't think anyone wants to think their strife is all in vain

I do think had I reinstated on my original medication at 10mg and waited I would have stabilized for sure - I think the effects of the different generic and the antibiotic created a perfect storm and threw me into a horrible wd, one that I had a difficult time trying to get out of

However

I also think Because I was so afraid and didn't know what was happening to me I updosed too quickly out of fear ( and because i listened yo my doc)

And in relation to the bad reaction to the dose increase I believe that My metabolism has changed from the medication and that caused the negative reaction

I read about cognitive akathisia in Merritt's neurology, one of the symptoms of the akathisia (aside from psychological horror) is burning mouth, which I have, badly, but it goes away during Windows - this cognitive akathisia, is akathisia without so much of the movement issues - I believe this is the my negative reaction- I felt so strange and bizarre I could not describe it, I still can't - but I think that's the answer to the negative reaction( it's really bothered me that it happened)

Today I am in a window - a really really good one, in the sense that I feel like me, I am depressed, but I feel more and more like me with each dose decrease and time - and I love this window, I've been in one for almost 3 days now- it's really nice.

I am not a fool though, I know I will be back next week with a wave, but for now I am happy that I feel some sense of normal, so I know I am on the road to some sense of normalcy, that makes me grateful-

I know you will stabilize Rachel - just don't act like me and make jump decisions, and please do listen to people on this site, they really do know.

and my rule of thumb?

Its better to feel like **** off the medication than like **** on the medication. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

I am very happy for your window! Open it up more so I can catch a breeze please.

January 30, 2016

I actually think of everyone on here when I'm in a window and send good vibes - hopefully they reach you Christian - hopefully they reach us all

February 2, 2016

Well that was a nice window -

My symptoms are returning -

Today was the first day in almost a week that I felt them coming back -

I worry that the next wave will be the worst and I won't Wver recover from it

They always start out the same

Lots of anxiety, then intestinal issues

Lots of depreonalization and derealization

It's almost as if I'm bipolar, sometimes during my windows I do have more issues sleeping ( I don't sleep as much) and I feel better and more clear - then in a wave I sleep so much -

Damn roller coaster

February 14, 2016

Still in a wave, however it's not as bad as before, the waves are getting easier- I don't know if it's because I'm no longer working, but durning this was I was able to semi function- and the akathisia was less, still it's a long wave it's been hanging around for almost 2 weeks now.

I plan on decreasing again Monday down to 13 mg -

Hope everyone is hanging in there

February 14, 2016

Please do not decrease while you're in a wave. That's a sign your nervous system needs longer to settle down, or you need to make smaller reductions.

February 14, 2016

Ok - I will heed that advice and wait until I feel better

February 18, 2016

Hi! Sending healing thoughts your way.

February 18, 2016

Sorry. Double post.

February 18, 2016

Thank you amy ❤️

I decreased again this past Monday- for the past 2 days no akathisia - none at all- I'm sure it will be back off and on as I continue to decrease but today I am good - just an update - hope everyone finds themselves well

February 27, 2016

Little akathisia this past week- however so mild, barely noticeable, but it's still bothersome, my mouth is not longer burning, but it is tingling and my ears still get pretty loud off and on, but they are less and less days and of less and less intensity - anyway I decreased another .5 today - I wanted to wait the full 2 weeks but because I feel so much better with each decrease I risked it a few days early - I have not had one withdrawal symptoms since I started decreasing last September, only feelings of clarity, and feeling better and better, that's why I decided to go down again a couple of days early - will see what happens, plan on staying here for 4 weeks - hope everyone else is finding a good path to healing

March 3, 2016

I don't think this will make any difference but I wanted to document my windows and wave patterns - since November I have been keeping track in a calendar-

Here is what it is for me m, of course some of these numbers overlap as there is a definite transition phase from window to wave or vice versa -

I never ever am one day hit with symptoms, they always wax and wane, and they always come to a peak before they get better or worse - so if I am 10 days into a window, the first day I will feel ok but by 10 I feel great, and the next day symptoms of a wave creep in, then if I am I a wave for 10 days, by the 10th day I am suicidal before some relief begins, and the cycle starts all over again

Here is my window and waves

Each number represents days long

November - February

Window. ----------------- wave

11--------------------------- 12

20. ------------------------ 10

9------------------------------ 4

14. -------------------------- 7

11 ---------------------------- 6

Each time I hit a wave my symptoms are the same - visual snow and double vision, along with visual floaters, feelings of vibrations or humming inside my body, burning tongue, tinnitus, anxiety and the most horrific feelings of despair and torturous fear with no thoughts connected to them- just feeling I need to run away -

This is the same every time- also I am in Peri menopause - I don't know if that makes a difference -

April 6, 2016

Just an update :

I have reduced enough to stop the horrific akathisia, but I am now left with waves of debilitating depression- it's horrible and affecting my relatuonship with my husband - we are on our family vacation and all I want to do is lay in the bed in the hotel and sleep or cry - right now things feel bleak -I thought once the akathisia was gone I would be so much better, but I'm not, it's just been replaced with horrible depression-

April 7, 2016

Remember it's just neuroemotions. If you remember that it's maybe easier to endure.

It will pass! Do as best as you can, lie in the bed if you have to, but maybe try to do small things that give you glimpses of the things you usually like on a family vacation. Are there any such small things?

What dose are you on now? When was your last drop?

Many hugs! It will pass.

April 7, 2016

And being away from our regular environment causes stress, as well as being worried about the expectations which are being placed on us by other people.

April 9, 2016

Thank you for your replies -

I still feel horrible - I just am not doing well- burning mouth has not been around through this wave though, so I feel grateful for that - I am not getting worse as each day passes - but I'm also not getting better -

But I do have some things that are better than they were months ago-

I don't feel likens am going to fly out if my window anymore - I think I got some sort of psychotic depression in these waves of akathisia - I don't have akathisia anymore - but I still get weird thoughts at times, almost paranoid or things easily upset me and get me angry, but I hold it in because it's things that i shouldnt be upset about - plus they feel weird - they only last a few seconds though, maybe they are anxiety

I hope this despair lifts - I cannot function like this ????

April 9, 2016

I apologize if this has already been done- I can't find a thread like it -

I am having symptoms that are coming on only in waves - after 5-7 days they go away and for 12-14 days I feel good - and I mean the difference is intense - and these windows and waves I can count like clockwork- they are not really random

First my symptoms

Debilitating depression ( I can't get out of bed,literally non functional)

Constant anxiety (feeling I am losing my mind)

Fear (for no reason)

Stomach trouble ( using the potty a lot)

Double vision

Burning mouth ( tongue/mouth feels like I burned it on hot food)

Tinnitus

Lack of appetite

I sleep fine, actually I sleep a lot

Then slowly this stops and I go back to feeling fine -

I am wondering if is is wd or something else (hormonal?)

Just wanting to know if other people are like this

Symptoms that cycle

And if so what are your symptoms?

Thank you

April 10, 2016

Hi,

This topic might contain some of the information you are seeking: pms-and-menstrual-cycle-problems-during-withdrawal/

Posts 8, 9, 14, 20, 24. I didn't go to pages 2 and 3.

April 10, 2016

Thanks Chessie - I no longer have menstrual cycles - I hit perimenopause 2 years ago and am wavering on menopause as we speak- have not had a cycle in 6 months - only have maybe 1-2 cycles per year now

April 10, 2016

Windows and waves are very common...and no fun

April 10, 2016

It will lift! When was your last drop? Is your sig updated?

Many hugs!

April 11, 2016

Hi VGJ , what you are describing is the typical windows and waves pattern.

"I am having symptoms that are coming on only in waves - after 5-7 days they go away"

So you're having a wave for around 5 - days , then when the symptoms "go away" is

what is referred to as the "window".

Please see the thread on "The Windows and Waves Pattern of Recovery".

I'll move this to join with your Introduction thread.

bw , Fresh

April 11, 2016

Sept 4th 2015 17.5 mg (took 2.5 off 25mg tablet) March 18th. 12mg (took 8mg off 25mg tablet)

October 30th. 16.5mg (took 3.5 off 25mg tablet)

November15th 16.0mg ( took 4mg off 25mg tablet)

December 12th 15mg. ( Took 5mg off 25 mg tablet)

January 4 14.0mg (took 6mg off 25mg tablet)

January 25th. 13.5mg (took 6.5 off 25 mg tablet)

February 15th. 13 mg. (took 7mg off 25mg tablet )

hi,

reading your signature, you are still taking meds, you suffer from withdrawal

the windows /waves pattern is after you no more taper, when you are off any meds,

the windows /waves pattern is part of healing when you no more eat drugs, it is not the case

in your situation we speak of withdrawal

you cannot have windows of normality while eating still drugs

April 11, 2016

Please keep notes on a calendar of your symptom pattern.

While you are in perimenopause, your body is still going through some regular cyclical changes. Keeping notes on a calendar may help you determine if this is a factor.

April 28, 2016

Update -

After I decreased on April 11th I felt great for about 8 days, the best window I have had in over s year - then I went down again, but this time the wave was about 25% less intense than previous ones, so that's a good sign to me-

also I read about progesterone dominance, it can cause burning mouth (this time during my wave my breasts were very tender, like when I was pregnant) my point of that tmi is I think my perimenopause is causing some of this- not all of it though- definitely the Meds are still creating a suppression of dopamine, and destroying my serotonin receptors -

Either way with each decrease I notice more and more improvement, and I feel no withdrawal, just still some akathisia symptoms during my waves - I'm also horribly depressed, but that to me would be normal considering everything I have been going through-

I also remembered something that I never connected to wd before -

While pregnant with my second child, I did a very fast taper, during that pregnancy I had horrible insomnia ( now I'm pretty sure it was the wd) well because of my being pregnant, my doc suggested I take Tylenol nighttime, to help sleep, this was about 3 weeks after my completed taper -

well hours after taking the over the counter sleep med, I got RLS, I got it bad-

I never took that over the counter med again- but I continued with the RLS

I thought it was because of the pregnancy at the time so I didn't freak out- but....I have had intermittent RLS since then (10 years later) even after I had my baby and reinstated the Paxil, I continued to get RLS, and to this day I get it(10 years later) - I never correlated the RLS to any events, and I don't get it every night, but I do get it- I think it's a permanent effect of the Paxil and my dopaminergic system - I have also read RLS is related to akathisia - this scares the **** out of me

I have been reading Mapleleafgirls posts and I am so very concerned I know this will happen to me, I can't believe this is my life now

April 28, 2016

Thanks Alto I do keep a calandra of my symptoms - I could probably calculate when my next wave will hit - I also think some of this is perimenopause chasing these waves -