Vonnegutjunky: Paxil 10 mg for 8 years - partial wean with reinstatement

[Rosetta]

I'm glad you are feeling better.

[planifolia]

On 4/22/2019 at 8:46 PM, Vonnegutjunky said:

i was thinking of something like vistaril, but I’m not sure how difficult it is to withdraw from that - I know that acts on serotonin too so it could be useful in helping me come off this Paxil - but I’ve done all I can at this point - it’s been 5 years and I still have not stabilized on this med - 

so if I continue a slow taper with the help of a sedative I might be able to do it-

Hi Vonne was just scrolling through and noticed this. I was taking Hydroxyzine, and the brand name is vistaril. Vistaril is an antihistamine but also Benadryl, which you found to be effective. I personally found vistaril to have no effect on the terror and mental akathisia, but made me feel super hangover, and i felt even worse. 

 

However I only take it as needed but some people find that they need to take for a few weeks to see its effects, a bit like how antidepressant works. Perhaps that's why I felt nothing. However other people do feel immediate relief, much like the fast onset of benzos.

 

I did ask David healy about Vistaril and he didn't have any problem with it and said that it may provide some cushioning for tapering. Like you said, he talked about it's effect on the serotonin receptors, although much weaker than antidepressants. He also said that compared to other medications that you could take, vistaril is one of the least problematic. 

 

Hope you have been well  

[Vonnegutjunky]

Just an update, been more functional the past 2 weeks, the terror has been at bay only popping in sporadically for minutes then retreats. 

 

Stil have a lot of anxiety and still feel very traumatized by all that I went through in April and may. Still very emotionally fragile and feel if I let my mind, i can get in a bad state easily,.stil feel triggered by a lot

 

I have always suffered from pretty intense seasonal affective episodes, I wonder if wd made this years eposode worse for me? Is that possible? It left me bedbound with agitation and terror? 

 

Anyway I am able to do things now.

 

But I have new symptoms ....I am now  experiencing involuntary movements in my head and legs. They are not.all the time, but they are there. And I have been experiencing rls too. 

And emotional flooding of overwhelming sadness....

I started seeing a new therapist at a clinic that also offers acupuncture, yoga, meditation, and deep tissue massage. So im.going to try some of those.

Ive been forcing myself to stay Physically active even tho I have cfs. 

 

How long does it normally take to see.the mental health benefits of physical activity? 

[RusTW]

Hi V just wanted to say hi.glad to c your getting good days.yay

 

[planifolia]

On 6/15/2019 at 8:58 AM, Vonnegutjunky said:

How long does it normally take to see.the mental health benefits of physical activity? 

Some people find improvement in mental wellbeing after just a session of physical activity, i'm sure you heard of runner's high. But regardless, continuous excercise gradually improves mental wellbeing, so it should be measured in weeks and months. 

 

i think it;'s best if you start slow and build up on your physical activity. The CNS is still quite fragile and sometimes too much physical activity can cause things to go bad again. Maybe start of with walks, yoga before going off to run or the gym It's great that you have been having some relief the last 2 weeks!

[planifolia]

On 5/30/2019 at 6:36 AM, Vonnegutjunky said:

Just needed to make a note. My symptoms are 50- 70% reduced today. 

Need to note the good too.

Was this an adrupt improvement? 

[Dejavu]

I'm so happy you're feeling better! I've been thinking of you. I haven't been on much because I'm going through yet another death in my family. My uncle, who is also my godfather, is slowly dying, and we are keeping vigil at the hospice. It is unbelievable the number of loved ones I've lost in the past 2 years. So much for keep stress levels down...lol!!

 

But I'm glad to hear of your improvement. You sure deserve it!! Hugs!!

[Vonnegutjunky]

Hey @planifolia thanks for your response. 

 

It was not, I am still having symptoms but they are less intense. I am pushing myself to function, I still have a lot of brain fog and derealization, but I am functioning around it, also I get waves of intense depression,  but I am getting used to the intense emotional sensations and not letting them overwhelm me at the moment, I think it’s a chicken and egg thing, becuse I feel better I am better able to cope.  I still feel fragile, and still am very very on edge, but I am trying to let the sensations come and recognize that they don’t stay, and just practicing letting it happen and not let the secondary fear take over. 

 

But i think I can do all of that because I am feeling better. So still very symptomatic, but not as bad as I was. 

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you so much @Dejavu, I am so sorry to hear of your added stresses. A friend of mine also going through wd was 2 years off, the suicide of her friend caused a wave after 2 years of feeling fine....so stress really does affect our grind and bodies in profound ways, and probably makes things worse in wd. I hope and pray you can move through this time and process it all in a healthy way, 

 

much love to you and your family during this time. 

[Dejavu]

Awww, thank you so much, J. I think I'm doing all right with it. My uncle passed this afternoon and it is a relief; he was suffering so much. I hope that we get a little break from all the death for a while now, so that I can heal. And I you're exactly right about the "chicken and egg thing." I am of the same opinion. It seems the more I do, the more I CAN do. 

 

Sorry the foggy brain and DP are still in your way. But I am so happy things are easing up for you a little. More relief is on the way, I'm sure of it. Sending much healing energy to you tonight!

 

P 

[Vonnegutjunky]

Just an update, 

I rate my days in my journal on A-F scale 

For the past.2 weeks I've been at a B, 

Yesterday I felt good enough to give myself an A. No symptoms little anxiety and feelings of happiness

 

Today I can feel the symptoms coming back. I can feel the feelings of terror creeping back and the mental feeling just feeling like I am going to lose my mind. 

 

Rationally I know what is happening,. But no matter what I do I physically cant calm, and it is so so so consuming, as many of you understand. 

 

I have nothing else.to report.....just needed to vent. 

 

Thank goodness for the good days. That's all I can do. 

 

[planifolia]

Please vent as much as you like, It helps to unload and be authentic and we all understand here in SA  

 

Sorry that you are feeling that terror again and I can understand the freak out. But this may just be a few hours, day or two thing, as if you remember you always had these small blips. Hold on to hope although I know the WD mind will always want to catatrophize  

 

 

[Dejavu]

I'm sorry, J. Keep breathing. It may not last long. Sending healing energy!! 

[RusTW]

Hey  I just wanted to say hang in there. It's good to see you're getting breaks that makes this journey a lot easier and more hopeful. We got to take the blessings whenever they come.

The kind of anxiety you've explained I feel also quite a bit. It's scary but we always get through it. Someday it'll end I know it will.

 Russ

[direstraits]

On 6/18/2019 at 6:26 PM, Vonnegutjunky said:

For the past.2 weeks I've been at a B, 

Yesterday I felt good enough to give myself an A. No symptoms little anxiety and feelings of happiness

that's great! hold onto this...it shows you're healing.

wishing you many more days like this.

xx

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you so much! I really really hope that’s what it is ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thank you all for your replies, I know many of you are also struggling, I appreciate the words of encouragement from you brave and loving souls. @direstraits @Dejavu @RusTW @planifolia

 

I wish I could hug you all. 

[direstraits]

🤗🤗🤗

[planifolia]

How have you been Vonne? 

[Vonnegutjunky]

On 6/24/2019 at 8:27 AM, planifolia said:

How have you been Vonne? 

Still in my window. Started therapy last week, and they have acupuncture, and yoga at the place I do therapy at. So I am hoping those can help me too. 

 

Hoping the next wave.doesnt knock me over again. When I am in a window almost.every single symptom is gone.

I do have some symptoms but they are barely noticeable. 

 

I am working with my therapist on my intrusive thoughts and my past..i dont know if.it will help but it shouldn't hurt.

 

I'm 1000% sure I'll be back here.in a week or so in a wave. But for now I'm feeling pretty ok 

[Altostrata]

So good to hear you've gotten a break!

[Dejavu]

Good on you!! I'm so happy to see this! Here's hoping the next wave is much easier. But for now, enjoy the peace.🌺🕊

[RichT]

6 hours ago, Vonnegutjunky said:

Still in my window. Started therapy last week, and they have acupuncture, and yoga at the place I do therapy at. So I am hoping those can help me too. 

 

Hoping the next wave.doesnt knock me over again. When I am in a window almost.every single symptom is gone.

I do have some symptoms but they are barely noticeable. 

 

I am working with my therapist on my intrusive thoughts and my past..i dont know if.it will help but it shouldn't hurt.

 

I'm 1000% sure I'll be back here.in a week or so in a wave. But for now I'm feeling pretty ok 

 

That’s really great news!

 

R

[planifolia]

So glad to hear that the symptoms are mostly gone  ! Hope that the activities you started doing can help boost your wellbeing. Keep us updated 

[direstraits]

hope you're still doing well,Vj...

❤️

[Vonnegutjunky]

Hello everyone. 

 

Just an update. 

I was doing pretty great back to my pre withdrawal feeling. 

Then I got a bladder infection, 2 days ago I had to start an antibiotic....yes some of my.symtoms have returned..however, I cant tell yet if its just anxiety from having to take the antibiotic (because they have always caused me anxiety) or if the medication is pushing me back into a wave or what. 

 

Either way the intrusive thoughts are trying to creep back in along with depersonalization and derealization, and insomnia...so I although I've been active everyday for almost a week....I am starting to feel like I just want to lay on the couch all day now....like I was before, waiting for these feelings to pass.....

 

And to top that off I do not like my new therapist....shes just not good at her job. 

 

This just really feels hopeless. 

But I felt better before,.I just dont know what.to do about the intrusive depersonalization feelings....they are intense..

[Altostrata]

Well, you might feel rocky for a few days after you're off the antibiotic. Hang in there, you've been doing so well.

[Dejavu]

Darn it, J! Sorry to hear this. I hate DP/DR. For me it always comes along with dizziness. Floating through that particular double-whammy is challenging.

 

But you have been improving. Just a bump in the road, sweetie. Sending you healing energy today!!

 

P.

[RichT]

2 hours ago, Vonnegutjunky said:

Hello everyone. 

 

Just an update. 

I was doing pretty great back to my pre withdrawal feeling. 

Then I got a bladder infection, 2 days ago I had to start an antibiotic....yes some of my.symtoms have returned..however, I cant tell yet if its just anxiety from having to take the antibiotic (because they have always caused me anxiety) or if the medication is pushing me back into a wave or what. 

 

Either way the intrusive thoughts are trying to creep back in along with depersonalization and derealization, and insomnia...so I although I've been active everyday for almost a week....I am starting to feel like I just want to lay on the couch all day now....like I was before, waiting for these feelings to pass.....

 

And to top that off I do not like my new therapist....shes just not good at her job. 

 

This just really feels hopeless. 

But I felt better before,.I just dont know what.to do about the intrusive depersonalization feelings....they are intense..

 

Sorry to hear this. Life throws things at us we don’t need or deserve sometimes. I can see you feel hopeless about things. But stick with it, you’ve had great improvements. Can you change your therapist?

 

R

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. 

The depression is kicking in and it’s heavy, and yeah, I am starting to feel like I did back in April....when I had to take Ativan just to take my daughter back and forth to school...just that agitated terror feeling....it’s horror on a scale I can’t even fathom, it’s so so scary....I hate this so much. 

 

I can and and will find a new therapist rich, hopefully someone who can really help me and understands these feelings. It just makes me want to do nothing, and it makes me feel like I have nothing to look forward to and I am lonely and my life is pointless. I just hope I don’t get to the point that I need to use Ativan, I hate taking that stuff so much. 

 

I am supposed to start working again in August and I just don’t know if I can do it. 

 

[Vonnegutjunky]

Hello everyone. 

 

Just here for an update. 

So my new therapist and me didn’t work out, I am back with my old one. He’s good enough lol. 

 

One of of the things I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is how my crash in April came to be. 

 

In december of of last year I started getting intrusive thoughts, the were weird and always realized to anxiety, and I started becoming afraid of everything, being by my stairs, the sunlight, just everything ....and by April 2019, it crescendoed into 2 months of akathisia terror, agitations and this raw horrific nightmarish horror, day in and day out, it was incapacitating. 

 

I had been tapering , from August 2017, to December 2018, from 10mg down to 6.8, so it took over a year to go down not even 4 mg.....albeit at 10mg I was still having pretty bad akathisia, and I’m no longer metabolizing this med correctly. 

 

Anyway, I wonder if I tapered too fast? Or is this something else? Did it all just catch up to me? Like how some people taper slowly and get off their meds then crash? Could this be similar to my situation? 

 

Anyway, I also saw my doctor, my general practitioner, and my psychologist, 

thye are both concerned I may be having seizures. My psych has another  patient who is also coming off of an ssri and she started having seizures, similar to what I describe to him. 

 

So so I am going to see a neurologist in November. 

 

I am taking everything day by day, still sleeping well, and not suicidal, hell some days for most of the day I feel like my old self, no bizarre feelings and I’m staying active and trying to get sun. 

 

Love to all my fellow survivors on here. Xoxo 

 

[Tom37]

Glad to here your currently feeling better. 

 

As you know it’s hard to really know for sure why you got so bad in but it could well be the taper caught up with you. We are all so unique in how our bodies respond to tapering. The fact your having windows shows you are slowly healing and eventually stabilising. 

 

Keep going and just think how great things will be when your through this. 

[Vonnegutjunky]

Thanks Tom 😊😊😊😊

 

your right, I keep moving forward but now I feel traumatized by that last wave, it scared me so much I’ve stopped tapering for now. If I get a few stable months under my belt I will resume. I’m not in a hurry, I have reason to rush, and I’ve just started real therapy last year, so not even a year, I’ve not been exercising or doing other theraputic things yet either, like yoga or acupuncture, I want to get some of that stuff in my daily routine too. 

 

Im still licking my wounds from April, trying to get my feet back on the ground. 

But my outlook is brightened and I feel more hopeful for my future than I have in 5 years! 

 

The intrusive thoughts though.....man do those really affect me. No matter what I do those ******* loop over and over....I would love to find a way to shut them off...

 

 

[RusTW]

Hi V try to use that traumatized feeling for strength.you made it through it.june was my worst yet but I made it..doc tried to get me back on hormones and I crashed so hard.it was scary but I use that to know I can make it..each obstacle is a potential success .

I loop music when intrusive thoughts come in.rather hear that than myself ruminating.lol.

[Rosetta]

Thank you for your sweet message on my thread.  I hope a break from tapering has helped you.  It seems that some people have to go slower than others.  

I'm holding on.  Last night was better than the night before.  Maybe I'm climbing out of the wave.  I hope so.  So tiring as you well know.

Rosetta

[Rabe]

Hi V...wanted you to know that it took me 5 months to get back on my feet.  I tapered in Jan and that seemed pretty good...then I had a GI procedure and I fell off a cliff.  I am so glad I waited to stabilize.  I feel so much better in every way than I have for these past months finally.  Much stronger mentally and physically.  Take care of you.  I think not being in a hurry is ok sometimes.  Hope you feel better soon!!!