success Hibari: tapering Remeron and want to start tapering Lamictal

[powerback]

Is there anything you can do to take your mind off todays phone call and de stress .calm your system down .

 

[Hibari]

7 minutes ago, powerback said:

Is there anything you can do to take your mind off todays phone call and de stress .calm your system down .

 

I am at a point and this keeps happening where my body is in such an acute state of distress, akathesia, that the usual things like breathing or baths can't cut through the physical tension. 

I'm taking some things to nourish my body but I can't seem to stop my nervous system from being in overdrive.   It's on it's own track right now, so I am overwhelmed.

 

 

[powerback]

13 minutes ago, Hibari said:

I am at a point and this keeps happening where my body is in such an acute state of distress, akathesia, that the usual things like breathing or baths can't cut through the physical tension. 

I'm taking some things to nourish my body but I can't seem to stop my nervous system from being in overdrive.   It's on it's own track right now, so I am overwhelmed.

  

 

I like your description ,this applies to me also ,the tension the last few months is so  scary .

[Songbird]

5 hours ago, Hibari said:

Taking 0.20mgs now, 0.20 in the afternoon and 0.20mgs in the evening.

 

I think your system needs some stability, so it may be best to stick with this dosing consistently for some time.  Keep daily symptom notes and post them here.  Here's an example of how they should look:

 

23 June

7 a.m. woke up, anxiety 3/10

8 a.m. ate breakfast, took 20mg Prozac tablet

10 a.m. anxiety 7/10, nausea 3/10

12 p.m. ate lunch, anxiety 5/10, nausea 1/10

2 p.m. anxiety 4/10, nausea 2/10

6 p.m. ate dinner, took magnesium tablet 200mg, anxiety 2/10, no nausea

8 p.m. anxiety 1/10

11 p.m. went to bed, anxiety 2/10, difficulty falling asleep for 2 hours

4 a.m. woke up, no anxiety, went back to sleep for 3 hours

 

You could try this relaxation video that helped me when I was in a state of extreme akathisia - I was doing this three times a day:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/6122-relaxation-exercises-guided-meditations-calming-videos-sleep-hypnosis/?page=2&tab=comments#comment-390065

 

[Hibari]

17 minutes ago, Songbird said:

 

I think your system needs some stability, so it may be best to stick with this dosing consistently for some time.  Keep daily symptom notes and post them here.  Here's an example of how they should look:

 

23 June

7 a.m. woke up, anxiety 3/10

8 a.m. ate breakfast, took 20mg Prozac tablet

10 a.m. anxiety 7/10, nausea 3/10

12 p.m. ate lunch, anxiety 5/10, nausea 1/10

2 p.m. anxiety 4/10, nausea 2/10

6 p.m. ate dinner, took magnesium tablet 200mg, anxiety 2/10, no nausea

8 p.m. anxiety 1/10

11 p.m. went to bed, anxiety 2/10, difficulty falling asleep for 2 hours

4 a.m. woke up, no anxiety, went back to sleep for 3 hours

 

You could try this relaxation video that helped me when I was in a state of extreme akathisia - I was doing this three times a day:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/6122-relaxation-exercises-guided-meditations-calming-videos-sleep-hypnosis/?page=2&tab=comments#comment-390065

 

Songbird, how quickly can I go up during my reinstatement?    I am in agony, I know the dosage is too small or maybe it dosen't work for me anymore?

 

Please advise.

[manymoretodays]

Hi Hibari,

You are hanging in, being very brave.  And I'm so sorry for the upset from the psychiatrist call and suggestions.

The best I can tell.......is that you are managing some sleep every other night.

How is your hubs doing now?

I'm thinking that, as you started with the 0.25 mg of Lamictal back at night......and now is only the 6th night.......that, once again........there is not going to be a real quick response to getting you on up to the 0.50 dose suggested awhile back.

I think when you get to a week........on any one, consistent dose of it now........that will be great.  It may not relieve all symptoms......but you may feel a difference, if even slight.

Can you maybe just choose one of your supplements, be it the CBD MCT, or the Gaba stuff, or the lemon balm to be consistent with as well......in the meantime?

 

I know that's not what will offer you relief from what feels so desperate right now.  And I'm sorry. 

 

Note, notes, notes, as Songbird has reiterated as well.  From where you left off on them might be good.  You can put in briefly upsetting situational stuff(like your hubs stuff) and scales for the inner agitation that is so very prominent too.

Then......it's all out here, on your introduction page.  Clearly.  Do you follow?  Rate on a 1-10 scale the inner angst......feeling desperate.......coming out of your skin feelings.

I have noted that you get some sleep every other night.  Not ideal, no........but that's something.  And you are getting some food in when you can.  That's important too.

 

I wish, I wish........there was respite, out of the home, out of the hospital, just plain comfort care for when W/D really hits the fan.  Meantime......sending healing......all I can muster, okay?

Shoot, I mumified myself in a comforter(large fluffly quilt) sometimes, and just stayed put with my head on the pillow sometimes.......as I recall.  And I would exhaust and sleep eventually.  Pacing helped a bit.  Rocking in a rocking chair.

I mean.....no, it's not where you want to be now.......but anything might help......

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth, (((((Hibari)))))

mmt

Edited December 1, 2018 by manymoretodays

[Songbird]

7 hours ago, Hibari said:

Songbird, how quickly can I go up during my reinstatement?    I am in agony, I know the dosage is too small or maybe it dosen't work for me anymore?

 

Please advise.

 

I'm sorry you're in agony, I know it's horrible, but I don't think there is a dose that will instantly fix everything.  All changes can potentially cause instability - dose decreases, dose increases, adding in meds and/or supplements.  Every time something changes, the nervous system has to try to rebalance everything to cope with the change.  When you stick with one dose consistently, the body will have a change to adapt and make the changes it needs to stabilise.

 

See: the rule of 3KIS - keep it simple keep it slow keep it stable

 

It may be that the dosage is too small, but it's hard to say yet - let's get several days of symptom notes to see what happens after the recent dose change.

[Rabe]

Wanted to tell you I think you are so strong and so brave Hibari!!!  I think about you everyday!!  💜

[Hibari]

8 hours ago, Rabe said:

Wanted to tell you I think you are so strong and so brave Hibari!!!  I think about you everyday!!  💜

You too Rabe.  It's so hard with an injured brain to take care of ourselves while bei bombarded by the.presuures of life land opinions of others.  

 

Right now my husband, who is basically my caretaker, is  pressuring me to go up faster on my Lamictal reinstatent. I understand why as he has seen me fall to pieces in the past months and has had to have numerous conversations with me about why going to a hospital would not be good.  I had a small bag packed medical history ready to go yesterday.   

 

He also has had to comfort me when I have been in states of akathisia, hysteria and on going acute wd.  It's very wearing on both of us. 

 

I don't feel well today but that was due to some choices I made yesterday, including taking something by mistake, which made me hyper.  I finally had to take something to sleep last night because I was desperate and could not shut off the akathisia.  

 

I'm trying to stick with my basic plan of reiststating the Lamictal so that I can move out of acute wd, stabilize and then when very steady taper again. That will probably be quite awhile from now.  

 

 

 

 

[Hibari]

9 hours ago, Songbird said:

 

I'm sorry you're in agony, I know it's horrible, but I don't think there is a dose that will instantly fix everything.  All changes can potentially cause instability - dose decreases, dose increases, adding in meds and/or supplements.  Every time something changes, the nervous system has to try to rebalance everything to cope with the change.  When you stick with one dose consistently, the body will have a change to adapt and make the changes it needs to stabilise.

 

See: the rule of 3KIS - keep it simple keep it slow keep it stable

 

It may be that the dosage is too small, but it's hard to say yet - let's get several days of symptom notes to see what happens after the recent dose change.

Okay Songbird. 

 

So as I stated above, I'm going to use divided doses.  .20mg morning, .20mgs afternoon and .20mgs evenings.  

 

I hadn't been taking the full 0.25 night time dose for that  long so Im hoping making these changes in times  will be okay.  I'm rolling back the times hourly from the evening. 

 

I know adding supplements changes things.  Currently magnesium is not doing anything for me and so that why I have tried both tryptophan and melatonin to sleep.  In addition, I have tried some milk peptides.  All used to help me chase sleep and get relief from the unrelenting akathisia. 

[Hibari]

10 hours ago, manymoretodays said:

Hi Hibari,

You are hanging in, being very brave.  And I'm so sorry for the upset from the psychiatrist call and suggestions.

The best I can tell.......is that you are managing some sleep every other night.

How is your hubs doing now?

I'm thinking that, as you started with the 0.25 mg of Lamictal back at night......and now is only the 6th night.......that, once again........there is not going to be a real quick response to getting you on up to the 0.50 dose suggested awhile back.

I think when you get to a week........on any one, consistent dose of it now........that will be great.  It may not relieve all symptoms......but you may feel a difference, if even slight.

Can you maybe just choose one of your supplements, be it the CBD MCT, or the Gaba stuff, or the lemon balm to be consistent with as well......in the meantime?

 

I know that's not what will offer you relief from what feels so desperate right now.  And I'm sorry. 

 

Note, notes, notes, as Songbird has reiterated as well.  From where you left off on them might be good.  You can put in briefly upsetting situational stuff(like your hubs stuff) and scales for the inner agitation that is so very prominent too.

Then......it's all out here, on your introduction page.  Clearly.  Do you follow?  Rate on a 1-10 scale the inner angst......feeling desperate.......coming out of your skin feelings.

I have noted that you get some sleep every other night.  Not ideal, no........but that's something.  And you are getting some food in when you can.  That's important too.

 

I wish, I wish........there was respite, out of the home, out of the hospital, just plain comfort care for when W/D really hits the fan.  Meantime......sending healing......all I can muster, okay?

Shoot, I mumified myself in a comforter(large fluffly quilt) sometimes, and just stayed put with my head on the pillow sometimes.......as I recall.  And I would exhaust and sleep eventually.  Pacing helped a bit.  Rocking in a rocking chair.

I mean.....no, it's not where you want to be now.......but anything might help......

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth, (((((Hibari)))))

mmt

Lots to respond here. 

 

Will post notes, though yesterday's will look like a horror show.  

 

My plan is to divide my dose into 3 doses of .20.  I have started rolling backing each dose by an hour from the original evening dose of . 20mgs. 

 

In terms of CBD,  Gaba and Lemon Balm, I have discovered some things. 

 

1. CBD has mixed reviews on taking it while on meds.  Some research says it can cause the med ro metabolize quicker.  When I was off Lamictal forn18 days it had some help but then not.  Could have been I was not on high enough  of a dose or it went paradoxical. 

 

2. Gaba. This worked for me the first time and the other 2 times I tried I got very hyper.  I also think that  because Lamictal works on gaba this was not going to be good thing in the long run. 

 

3. Lemon Balm.  Worked one night but the next day it felt icky in my system. Also found out it effects thyroid functuining and thyroid medication, which I am on.  

 

For now I'm going to work with tryptophan, milk peptides and melatonin. 

 

Insomnia: If I had insomnia hat just left me tired and cranky the next day, i could probably deal with it.  But my insomnia leads to a daylong into evening akathsia the kind with mental anguish thrown in.  

 

That why I have had to turn to stronger sleep aides on occasion to help keep from  going to the hospital.  I'm very aware when I make those choice and trust myself to know when I reach that point. 

I also talk with a good friend of mine who has been through this when I have to make those choices in order to have clarity.  I am very aware that when I take strong substances to sleep that they have an affect on my nervous system so I do it mindfully.  

 

I always appreciate the willingness that all rhe mods have to guide me. 

 

Thank you. 

[wantrelief]

So sorry you are still in this awful place, Hibari.  You are so strong to get through unrelenting insomnia and akathisia.  I so hope you gain some stability very very soon.     Thinking about you - WR.

[Hibari]

1 hour ago, wantrelief said:

So sorry you are still in this awful place, Hibari.  You are so strong to get through unrelenting insomnia and akathisia.  I so hope you gain some stability very very soon.     Thinking about you - WR.

Thank you for mentioning my strength.  It must be in there somewhere because I don't know how I keep going. 

 

This is a lonely time for me as I have lost my profession, my activities and my closest friends are not where I live.   I'm going to try and go to an Alanon meeting tonight to connect with people again.  

 

I always appreciate your kind words to me.  

[Hibari]

On 11/30/2018 at 12:08 PM, powerback said:

I like your description ,this applies to me also ,the tension the last few months is so  scary .

Right?  There is nothing like it and that's why even if I sound like I'm not open to suggestions to relax (which I am) they don't quite touch the tension. 

[manymoretodays]

2 hours ago, Hibari said:

My plan is to divide my dose into 3 doses of .20.  I have started rolling backing each dose by an hour from the original evening dose of . 20mgs. 

I was so hoping you would be able to stick with just the low dose, on up to 0.50 mg, after a week of the 0.25 mg in the evening.  I wasn't really looking at the very low dose you started with as a reinstatement.  I was hoping it would work more as a gentle stabilizer.   I guess that's all out the window now though.......if you are seeking to find a dose to stabilize on.  The other required great patience, and then no other substances messing up the picture.  Things just got out of hand I guess.......between the onset of W/D and then additional stressors in your life.  I'm sorry.  And the paradoxical reactions to boot.

2 hours ago, Hibari said:

For now I'm going to work with tryptophan, milk peptides and melatonin. 

Phhhewww.......sounds like a better option than what you were going with.  Do you want the links?  We do have topics on these.  Just type them on in your general browser......survivingantidepressants.org first and then the topic. 

 

I take it you slept last night?

Post some notes soon though.  Maybe Alto will have some further insight,  too. 

 

Meantime, my best suggest would be hold, hold, hold and hold some more, steady.......with just ONE change........there have been several now, every day something new.  Try and get to the 4 days, even better a week.  Before drawing conclusions, and making another change.  No day has been the same.......from what I can glean.  And I know.......it's hard not to.  I'm just saying......if we can help you make any sense of it all........it's not going to be based on just one day.

 

You sound better in your replies.  A bit less desperate.

I am glad of this.

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

Edited December 1, 2018 by manymoretodays

[wantrelief]

3 minutes ago, Hibari said:

Thank you for mentioning my strength.  It must be in there somewhere because I don't know how I keep going

Exactly - your strength is in there as you do keep going, despite all of what you've been enduring.

 

4 minutes ago, Hibari said:

This is a lonely time for me as I have lost my profession, my activities and my closest friends are not where I live.   I'm going to try and go to an Alanon meeting tonight to connect with people again

I am so sorry, Hibari.  I know how you feel as I have given up a career too - although one that in the end was not well suited for me.  Still, it is really difficult to let go of a professional identity so I do very much understand how you are feeling.  However, your profession is not lost if it is something you would like to do again someday....you will get back to it; this is just a temporary respite from your work for now. Our work for now is to get through this time. I hope you are able to go to the Alanon meeting tonight for the support and connection.  💖

[Rabe]

You sound better today Hibari...and that is strength!  Just to get through another day...and another....

You have had a rough stretch and yet you reach out and share and offer hope in your words and in your actions of getting through such difficult times!

Hope today is ok for you!! 💜

[Rabe]

3 hours ago, Hibari said:

You too Rabe.  It's so hard with an injured brain to take care of ourselves while bei bombarded by the.presuures of life land opinions of others.  

 

Right now my husband, who is basically my caretaker, is  pressuring me to go up faster on my Lamictal reinstatent. I understand why as he has seen me fall to pieces in the past months and has had to have numerous conversations with me about why going to a hospital would not be good.  I had a small bag packed medical history ready to go yesterday.   

 

He also has had to comfort me when I have been in states of akathisia, hysteria and on going acute wd.  It's very wearing on both of us. 

 

I don't feel well today but that was due to some choices I made yesterday, including taking something by mistake, which made me hyper.  I finally had to take something to sleep last night because I was desperate and could not shut off the akathisia.  

 

I'm trying to stick with my basic plan of reiststating the Lamictal so that I can move out of acute wd, stabilize and then when very steady taper again. That will probably be quite awhile from now.  

 

Im sorry I didnt see this sooner!!🤪 Yes..the pressure, for me, just takes me to the moon so fast I think I should patent that flight!!!  

If I had ONE thing to do over it would be not to listen to those that were taking care of me be it doctors or otherwise, or loving me, or wanting me to be better because it is and was so hard for them not to have me better...and I would listen to that part of me that always spoke the truth to me and that was most always right and that was intuitive as to what was best for me....it has withered through all of this.  Had I listened to that I would not be where I am today...that's for sure.  But I am trying to find that part of myself again.  Thing is when we are in the throws of WD and not thinking clearly it is a blessing to have a loved one with clearer thinking steer us in a better direction as your husband did with the hospital.

He so wants you better....he loves you and feels helpless and upset when you are hurting...just as you felt for him when he was hurting.

The love you share is a beautiful thing..you comfort each other in these times.

Im sorry you are not feeling well...I did read about the things you were trying to help with the anxiety and sleep...for me I just know my system will balk at all that....things do eventually settle on their own though seems forever some days.  Thinking about you so very much and hope you find some peace today Hibari!💜 

[Altostrata]

On 11/30/2018 at 8:16 AM, Hibari said:

The conversation I had with my psychiatrist did not go well.

 

He got very defensive around my explaining my reaction to Lamictal in the fall and dismissed everything I said.

 

He has put in a prescription for Abilify and Clonazapam.   I am not on board with taking it but will get the prescription filled.

 

I am going to continue to go up on my Lamictal to try and find stability.

 

Can anyone help me in how quickly I can increase my dosage?

 

I am now at 0.40mgs and just last night took two divided doses.

 

Can I increase a bit more quickly?

 

For example, can I take another dose amount today and move up to 0.60? 

 

Taking 0.20mgs now, 0.20 in the afternoon and 0.20mgs in the evening.

 

I really could use some help as I am quite shaken by what just occurred on the phone.  

 

 

Hibari, by now you know that when you make a drug change, it takes at least 4 days for your system to register it.

 

You saw a little improvement on Thursday, 11/29 after you reinstated 0.25 Lamictal on 11/25, but you've been panicking and kept changing your dosing, so it's hard to track what's going on. (Please put date of reinstatement in your signature.)

 

Now you're taking 0.60mg Lamictal, you need to give it 4 days and post your daily notes each day. That way, we can see what the Lamictal might be doing. It's important not to overshoot the dosage. If you get a tiny bit of relief, that's good enough for a while.

 

I think your nervous system might be extremely hypersensitive now. I am sorry you're in this state. If the akathisia is severe, I am hesitant to suggest a tiny bit of benzo because it might cause a paradoxical reaction.

 

Your psychiatrist does not sound like he's much help. I would not spend the money on the Abilify.

[Hibari]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Hibari, by now you know that when you make a drug change, it takes at least 4 days for your system to register it.

 

You saw a little improvement on Thursday, 11/29 after you reinstated 0.25 Lamictal on 11/25, but you've been panicking and kept changing your dosing, so it's hard to track what's going on. (Please put date of reinstatement in your signature.)

 

Now you're taking 0.60mg Lamictal, you need to give it 4 days and post your daily notes each day. That way, we can see what the Lamictal might be doing. It's important not to overshoot the dosage. If you get a tiny bit of relief, that's good enough for a while.

 

I think your nervous system might be extremely hypersensitive now. I am sorry you're in this state. If the akathisia is severe, I am hesitant to suggest a tiny bit of benzo because it might cause a paradoxical reaction.

 

Your psychiatrist does not sound like he's much help. I would not spend the money on the Abilify.

 

Hi Alto,

Thanks for you response.  Yes I do know it takes 4 days for my system to register the medication.    

 

It's not just that I've been panicking, but my body has been in an acute state of akathesia, and mental anguish.   On two separate days I was asking my brother and husband to take me to the hospital as they watched me pace the room, lie on the couch trembling and cry in anguish.   

 

I did the 0.25 reinstatement for 4 days and it was not shifting anything.  I know it's not a miracle thing but I was physically deteriorating very quickly, with lots of SI and it was more than panic that made me reisntate more.   

 

As you will see, I did have to take a benzo and it worked for me.   I don't want to take them but after these nights of no sleep, it was the only thing that kept me from the hospital.  And you will see on the day I took it, there was another big mistake made.

 

Please bear with me.   I know I have made lots of mistakes and I appreciate your willingness to work with me.

 

I just lost all the logs I was doing, will redo them again.

In  nutshell, I have done:

0.25 for 4 days

0.40 for 2 days

0.60 for 1 day

Logs to follow. 

[Hibari]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

Hibari, by now you know that when you make a drug change, it takes at least 4 days for your system to register it.

 

You saw a little improvement on Thursday, 11/29 after you reinstated 0.25 Lamictal on 11/25, but you've been panicking and kept changing your dosing, so it's hard to track what's going on. (Please put date of reinstatement in your signature.)

 

Now you're taking 0.60mg Lamictal, you need to give it 4 days and post your daily notes each day. That way, we can see what the Lamictal might be doing. It's important not to overshoot the dosage. If you get a tiny bit of relief, that's good enough for a while.

 

I think your nervous system might be extremely hypersensitive now. I am sorry you're in this state. If the akathisia is severe, I am hesitant to suggest a tiny bit of benzo because it might cause a paradoxical reaction.

 

Your psychiatrist does not sound like he's much help. I would not spend the money on the Abilify.

 

Alto, below are my logs.   I could use your help in the dosing schedule.   At times I have had to trust my body but I don't want to overshoot the dose. 

 

Thank you.  

 

Logs:

After a terrible day of shaking, fear and panic, and I decide to reinstate 0.25mgs of Lamictal after being off of it for 18 days.   Had not slept on the night before so have been up for 24 hours.

 

Moderators suggest 0.25 mgs to start.

Saturday, 11/24/18                   Day 1 of reinstatement

8:30AM  75 mg Thyroid
6:45PM  0.25mgs                       Liquid Lamictal from compounded formula
7:05PM                                         Feel anxiety in my system but not sure if it's the meds.  
7:30PM                                         Dizzy and head pressure.

8:30PM 200mg Mag                
9:00PM                                       Feel some low grade nausea. Feel despair, fear, and depression.  Feel sad I have made my husband a prisoner because I have been so anxious.

10PM      2 Kavinace                 Take them because I am desperate for sleep.
12AM                                          Akathesia stops

2AM                                             Fall asleep

Sunday, 11/25/18                      Day 2 Reinstatement
Slept
Morning Cortisol Spike:        Sweating, nausea, headache, some anxiety but okay because I slept.  Very tired.

10:00AM  75mgs Thyroid    (late because I slept in)
11:40AM   200mgs Mag       with lunch
1:00PM                                    Feel spacey and fuzzy in my head
3:00PM                                    Go to bank and store.  Feel sad, some dizziness and nausea
3:30PM                                    Cry with a friend
6:45PM    0.25mgs Lamictal
10:00PM                                  Maybe a little calmer from reinstatement but still have anxiety.
11PM    Mag 200mg, 3 Calms Forte
12PM                                       Very agitated from the inability to sleep and relax, Very scared about not sleeping again
3AM      2 Kavinace                 Does nothing

Monday, 11/26/18                  Day 3 of Reinstatement
No sleep

Morning Cortisol Spike:      Tense, sweating, agitation, adrenaline
5:00AM                                  Husband goes to the hospital for adrenal procedure
7:00AM                                   Lie in bed trembling and fearful, can’t sleep or shut my mind off, 10-10 Stress
8:30AM 75 Thyroid
9-2PM                                     In bed or on couch, tense, head pressure, agitation, anxious, adrenaline
                                                Call my older brother to consider having him stay with me.
2Pm                                         Husband comes home
3PM                                        Husband has pain attack, help him into bed, my anxiety through the roof
4PM                                        Ambulance is called.  Call my brother to come stay with me.
4:30PM                                  Husband goes back to hospital.  Stay at home in acute state of anxiety.   10-10 Stress 
                                                 Brother arrives.  Feel depressed and SI over my physical health
5:00PM  10mg Propanol      Does nothing for my anxiety.  Tearful and anxious can’t relax  Listen to rain falling audio track but doesn't calm me down
6:45PM 0.25 Lamcital         
7:05PM                                    Feel some low grade hyperness.  Side effect of taking medication again?
8PM  Tryptophan 200mg    
10PM                                       Husband home, in extreme pain due to adrenal bruising.   Feel anxious about him.  Consider using Lunesta to sleep 10-10 Stress
10:30 2 droppers of Lemon Balm.  Feel myself relaxing.
11PM                                       Put a dropper of lemon balm in water.  Sip during the night.  Sleep

 

Tuesday, 11/27/18                Day 4 of Reinstatement
Slept
Morning Cortisol Spike:    Headache, nausea, some sweating, dizzy, anxious
8:30AM   75mgs Thyroid    Sip some lemon balm water
9:00AM Alka Seltzer Gold for Nausea
9:30AM  Food                     Have hot flash after eating
10AM-1PM                          Nausea, head pressure, tired.  Feel low grade depression about this process of getting of meds, losing my office and my life stopping.  Anxious over husbands ongoing pain. 
 2PM                                      Listened to relaxing audio tape, try to relax on couch, feel tired,   4-10 stress
6:45PM    0.25 Lamicattal 20 mins later some low grade anxiety
7:30 Speak to sponsor       Emotional and angry about recent losses
10PM                                    Try to sleep, can't sleep start to feel hyper and adrenaline surges,  8-10 Stress
11PM                                    Listen to anxiety audio file, doesn't help
12AM                                    Sip Lemon Balm water ,can't sleep  9-10 Stress

Up all night

Wednesday, 11/2818         Day 5 of Reinstatement
0.40 Lamictal
No Sleep

Morning Cortisol Spike:   Headache, nausea, akathesia, deep fear, panic, 8-10 stress
8:30AM  75mgs Thyroid  
All day:                                 Akathesia, panic, nausea, dizzy, fear, no appetite.  Deep breathing does not help calm me down.  Call my brother to come stay with me. 10-10 stress

4PM  0.30 Lamictal           Take med early.   20 mins later some low grade hyperness, and then I cry with my brother.  Feel some SI about all of this
5PM                                     Have some food.
5-9                                        Continued akathesia , fear, trembling 10-10 stress.  Ask my brother and husband to take me to the hospital, they talk me out of it 
9:30PM  0.10 Lamictal     Feel something in my system, can't really tell

10PM                                   Feel very SI because I can't relax or sleep, consider taking  a Lunesta left by my brother
11PM                                   Call a friend, suggests melatonin
11:30 0.625 Melatonin and 1 300 Tryptophan
Sleep

Thursday11/29/18            Day 6 of Reinstatement
0.40 Lamictal
Slept

Morning Cortisol Spike:  Sweating, low grade anxiety
8:30 75 mgs Thryroid
Feel tired but functional
2PM                                    Mood drops, thinking I may need to divide my dose of Lamictal
3:30PM                              Have conversation where I officially give up my office,  8-10 stress
4PM                                   Acupuncture, ask and receive calming session
5PM                                   Take some milk peptides to keep my system calm. 
6:45   0.20 Lamictal        Want to start rolling back the dose so that I am at the 8AM/8PM dosing schedule, feel slight speediness
8PM  0.20 Lamictal        Fell slight speediness
10PM                                 Adrenaline surges start, anxiety, can't relax 
11PM  Milk peptides       Still can't sleep
Up most of the night

Friday 11/30/18                         Day 7 of Reinstatement
0.60mgs
No sleep
A very bad day filled with mistakes
Morning Cortisol Spike:    No real headache, or nausea but anxiety
10:30AM                              Conversation with psychiatrist who basically says he never had anyone struggle with Lamictal wd, it's my stuff, I have a disorder.  I keep him on the phone, he orders Abilify and                                                  Clonazapam.         
1-2:30PM                                Shaking, trembling, no appetite, akatheisa kicks in.   Husband picks up prescription.
2:30PM   *1 mg abilify          We agree to have me take a clonazapm to try and sleep.  He makes a mistake and gives me a 1mg pill of Abilifiy  
2:30-4:00PM                           Can't sleep and we discover why, very hyper and alert on top of the anxiety I already feel.
4:00PM      0.20 Lamictal     Feel a little speedy 
5:00PM     0.20  Lamictal     Trying to space out the dose, feel a little speedy but not bad
8:00PM     0.20 Lamictal       Feel okay but mainly very upset and tired and can't calm down.
9PM          0.50mgs Clonazapm   Sleep.

I know this day was not planned well.

12/1/18
Sleep
Morning Cortisol Spike:  Wake up hungover from all the meds but okay.  Sweating, headache, nausea
8:30AM  75mgs Thyroid
9AM   Breakfast                 1 omega, 1 magnesium, oatstraw tea
11AM Bed                          Rest for a bit then do some cleaning in bedroom
12PM  Milk peptide, tryptophan
12:30                                    Cry about all that's happened, fear I won't get well, fear doctor is right. 
2:00PM                                Go to bank, grocery store and pharmacy
3PM      .20 Lamictal          20 minutes later a little speedy but do deep breathing and relaxation
5:30      .20 Lamictal                                     

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

56 minutes ago, Hibari said:

Feel sad I have made my husband a prisoner because I have been so anxious.

 

It sounds like much of your anxiety is related to your husband's condition and your belief that you are not meeting your or his expectations.  You have to stop this. You are doing the best you can. I am sorry that both of you are ill.

 

Please stop experimenting with Lamictal dosing. You've been moving the timing and amount around. Not sure if a total of 0.40mg is an improvement over 0.25mg. More is not better.

 

For split doses, it's best if your Lamictal are taken 12 hours apart. Suggest you set one time in the evening and one time in the morning to take it.

 

Lamictal is not an anti-anxiety drug, it reduces nervous system reactivity.

[Hibari]

5 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

It sounds like much of your anxiety is related to your husband's condition and your belief that you are not meeting your or his expectations.  You have to stop this. You are doing the best you can. I am sorry that both of you are ill.

 

Please stop experimenting with Lamictal dosing. You've been moving the timing and amount around. Not sure if a total of 0.40mg is an improvement over 0.25mg. More is not better.

 

For split doses, it's best if your Lamictal are taken 12 hours apart. Suggest you set one time in the evening and one time in the morning to take it.

 

Lamictal is not an anti-anxiety drug, it reduces nervous system reactivity.

So, for now should I keep it at 0.40mgs, split between two doses. 

[Hibari]

Thank you for saying I'm doing the best I can, its true I am.  

[Hibari]

Okay, so I am choosing to set two times  for my split doses.

8:30AM 0.20

8:30PM 0.20

 

Will stick with this consistent dosing.

 

Akathesia is bad today and  no sleep again. 

[Rosetta]

I'm sending love and support, Hibari.  I've been there with the aka.  It will pass, but don't think about that so much as distracting.  Distracting is the only thing that helps me. I hope your husband is feeling better. -Rosetta

[Rabe]

Hi Hibari.  You have support here where there is understanding.  Seems doctors get defensive and perhaps that has to do with loss of control...IDK but it would be nice if they could desire to learn a bit more about all this wouldn't it?  

Alto and the mods are so wonderful and you are so blessed to have them guiding you....the 4 day wait is something I sometimes forget...nice to read it again and again.  Hard not to want things to be different.....yesterday!  

Just a thought.....I am wondering your thoughts on perhaps not getting those prescriptions filled right now?  Sometimes if something is around and I am having a rough time, tendency is to want to grab the nearest new thing to try to 'help'...but it most often doesnt.  Just a suggestion...

Thinking about you Hibari!!!  Take care!!💜

[Hibari]

37 minutes ago, Rabe said:

Hi Hibari.  You have support here where there is understanding.  Seems doctors get defensive and perhaps that has to do with loss of control...IDK but it would be nice if they could desire to learn a bit more about all this wouldn't it?  

Alto and the mods are so wonderful and you are so blessed to have them guiding you....the 4 day wait is something I sometimes forget...nice to read it again and again.  Hard not to want things to be different.....yesterday!  

Just a thought.....I am wondering your thoughts on perhaps not getting those prescriptions filled right now?  Sometimes if something is around and I am having a rough time, tendency is to want to grab the nearest new thing to try to 'help'...but it most often doesnt.  Just a suggestion...

Thinking about you Hibari!!!  Take care!!💜

They are wonderful but i am in a very primitive state of operation.  I trust them and at the same time the pain of the acute wd is overwhelming me. 

 

Even though it appears to everyone that I am trying so many things to ease my pain, and it true, it's because I am basically bedridden most of the time.  I got out rarely but most times at home on wd.  

 

Today, after no sleep and then my body moving into adrenaline surges and shaking, I tried to take a benzo in two split doses get relief. It didnt work.  

 

So now one of my emergency helps is gone.  

 

I tried to go to a meeting last night but was adenalized and overwhelmed when i got outside in the rain. 

 

I don't what to do to stop the akathisia and get relief or sleep. The answer to those two issues is I need.  

 

Thanks for letting me write here.  I know I will be getting lots of feedback for my choices but I am so low its beyond belief.  

[Hibari]

45 minutes ago, Rabe said:

Hi Hibari.  You have support here where there is understanding.  Seems doctors get defensive and perhaps that has to do with loss of control...IDK but it would be nice if they could desire to learn a bit more about all this wouldn't it?  

Alto and the mods are so wonderful and you are so blessed to have them guiding you....the 4 day wait is something I sometimes forget...nice to read it again and again.  Hard not to want things to be different.....yesterday!  

Just a thought.....I am wondering your thoughts on perhaps not getting those prescriptions filled right now?  Sometimes if something is around and I am having a rough time, tendency is to want to grab the nearest new thing to try to 'help'...but it most often doesnt.  Just a suggestion...

Thinking about you Hibari!!!  Take care!!💜

Alto and the mods are wonderful. They are trying to guide me while I am very sick.  I am in a very primitive state of operation.  I trust them and at the same time the pain of the acute wd is overwhelming me. 

 

Even though it appears to everyone that I am trying so many things to ease my pain, and it true, it's because I am basically bedridden most of the time.  I got out rarely but most times at home on wd.  

 

Today, after no sleep and then my body moving into adrenaline surges and shaking, I tried to take a benzo in two split doses get relief. It didnt work.  

 

So now one of my emergency helps is gone.  

 

I tried to go to a meeting last night but was adenalized and overwhelmed when i got outside in the rain. 

 

I know everyone has lots of suggestions abour what I should or shouldn't due in terms of self soothing. All in want is for something to calm down the akathisia and also to help me sleep.  If I could get consistent sleep, I would be able to tolerate more withdrawal.  

 

It's not just a matter of panic, its about acute, intolerable withdrawal symptoms. 

 

Reaching for things right now Rabe are all about keeping me out of the hospital. 

 

Thanks for letting write this out here.  

 

 

[FarmGirlWorks]

8 minutes ago, Hibari said:

I tried to go to a meeting last night but was adenalized and overwhelmed when i got outside in the rain. 

Oh @Hibari... your whole experience now sounds so so rough... I send so many good thoughts your way.

 

I don't know if the meeting was AA (might not have been) but there are online meetings. I also listen to SoberCast podcast when I am trying to distract. Of course, that experience has absolutely nothing on ADWD but I find it helpful, at least parts.

[Hibari]

8 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Oh @Hibari... your whole experience now sounds so so rough... I send so many good thoughts your way.

 

I don't know if the meeting was AA (might not have been) but there are online meetings. I also listen to SoberCast podcast when I am trying to distract. Of course, that experience has absolutely nothing on ADWD but I find it helpful, at least parts.

1 hour ago, Rabe said:

 

[Hibari]

9 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Oh @Hibari... your whole experience now sounds so so rough... I send so many good thoughts your way.

 

I don't know if the meeting was AA (might not have been) but there are online meetings. I also listen to SoberCast podcast when I am trying to distract. Of course, that experience has absolutely nothing on ADWD but I find it helpful, at least parts.

I attend Alanon ans yes there are podcasts to listen to.  You are right the experience has nothing to with ADWD and at times that is lonely.  I loved Alanon and it seems very far right now.  

[Hibari]

5 hours ago, Rosetta said:

I'm sending love and support, Hibari.  I've been there with the aka.  It will pass, but don't think about that so much as distracting.  Distracting is the only thing that helps me. I hope your husband is feeling better. -Rosetta

Thank you Rosetta.  I'm trying to distract as much as I can.  I'm so tired from not sleeping and then the constant trembling and racing thoughts.  

 

My husband is much better though he is still in pain.  We have had a wonderful breakthrough today where after doing some reading, he says he finally gets that this is wd.   

 

How to approach relieving my pain is the mystery part but it was huge for me.  

 

 

[Rosetta]

Hi Hibari, 

 

I'm going to be very blunt, honey.  You are not keeping yourself out of the hospital by reaching for things.  You are kindling yourself.  I honestly believe that.  I understand why you are doing that, but I want you to see that it's hurting you more.  I've seen this on other threads.  The desperation to sleep is very intense.  The person keeps trying different drugs, and the distress gets worse and worse.  You must stop this.  Please.  Keeping your nervous system from being harmed further is what you must do.  Don't fill the prescriptions.  Don't take anything else.  This will be hard I know, but I believe it is necessary.

 

I'm glad your husbamd finally understands!!

 

All my love, Rosetta

[Hibari]

48 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Hi Hibari, 

 

I'm going to be very blunt, honey.  You are not keeping yourself out of the hospital by reaching for things.  You are kindling yourself.  I honestly believe that.  I understand why you are doing that, but I want you to see that it's hurting you more.  I've seen this on other threads.  The desperation to sleep is very intense.  The person keeps trying different drugs, and the distress gets worse and worse.  You must stop this.  Please.  Keeping your nervous system from being harmed further is what you must do.  Don't fill the prescriptions.  Don't take anything else.  This will be hard I know, but I believe it is necessary.

 

I'm glad your husbamd finally understands!!

 

All my love, Rosetta

 

 

Its okay to be blunt Rosetta, I know what you are saying.  

 

But what else can you offer me?  I am bedridden most of the time and shaking with exhaustion, and wd.  My mind races with negative thoughts, I watch tv when I can, I breathe when I can.   I hope and pray healing is going on  but I don't feel it.  

 

3 hard years of tapering and it falls apart at the end.  

 

Is the only protocol here, omega and magnesium?  What if they do not provide enough support or any st this time.  

 

I go to acupuncture and therapy, call friends for support and still the akathisia shows up.  

 

So I am being honest too.  Most people offering me advice are getting out of the house, getting some sleep and semi functioning. And I am happy for them.  I also know there are people in the same boat as I am, stuck in bed, housebound and not functioning.  

 

I  embrace Altos suggestion to keep my reinstatement low and in divided doses. I believe Alto and the mods can get me to where I want to go. I just nees help to survive the last part of this journey.   

 

I know tone can be hard  to read on line but I am tearful as I write the above.  

 

[Songbird]

On 11/29/2018 at 10:19 AM, Songbird said:

This is the video that helped me when I had severe akathisia, anxiety and insomnia - I did it three times a day:

 

 

Did you try the relaxing yoga video?  Doing this three times a day was the only thing that helped my extreme akathisia.  

 

I also used a sleep hynosis recording which enabled me to get to sleep.  I woke up each time it finished, so just replayed it again, to get through the night.  The one I used doesn't seem to be on YouTube, but there are lots of others there you could try. 

 

Also check out our topic where people have posted their favourites: Relaxation exercises, guided meditations, calming videos, sleep hypnosis