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Hibari

Hibari: tapering Remeron and want to start tapering Lamicatal

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Merrymary

Hi Hibari,

 

I rarely comment on any treads...the only person that gets me through when I had more than enough is Baylissa...her website, her webinars, q and a, s consultation with her!

 

Just to let you know that it will get better!

 

 

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Hibari
4 minutes ago, Merrymary said:

Hi Hibari,

 

I rarely comment on any treads...the only person that gets me through when I had more than enough is Baylissa...her website, her webinars, q and a, s consultation with her!

 

Just to let you know that it will get better!

 

 

Thank youMerrymary. I have reached my limit today. 

So lacking in faith right now.  

 

You had a consultation with her.? 

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Merrymary

Are you a member of Baylissa's website?  For me It is worth every penny...

 

Yes I had a consultation with her yesterday! 

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Hibari
2 hours ago, Merrymary said:

Are you a member of Baylissa's website?  For me It is worth every penny...

 

Yes I had a consultation with her yesterday! 

I'm not a member. I have to figure out the price from.pounds to dollars.  

 

Thank you saying it will get better.  I feel so far from that right now.  

 

How are you feeling?  

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Hibari

Have a slight headache and also very sad about my life right now.  I know I've been writing a lot about this but it really has hit me how small my life is right now.

It's totally different than it was even 5 months ago.   The losses have been so hard and the main ones being my confidence and how I function in the world. 

 

Monday 12/3/18                                                    Day 10 of Reinstatement

Sleep

Morning Cortisol Spike: Sweating, headache, low grade anxiety (No nausea)

8:00AM 75 mgs Thyroid

8:30AM 0.20mgs liquid lamictal                              1/2 later don't feel any reaction to the med.

10AM-12                                                                       Feel uncontrollable rage about this process and about my former psychiatrist, did  some hitting and yelling into a pillow.

1-4                                                                                   Eat lunch, therapy, grief, anger frustration and a headache.   5-10 Stress

4PM                                                                                Talk with a friend

6PM Dinner

8PM                                                                               Cry on phone with a friend,

8:30  0.20mgs liquid Lamictal                                   1/2 later a little bit speedy

9PM                                                                                 Heat flash

11PM Bed  0.625 Melatonin                                       Feel relaxed but not sleepy, still have headache

11:30PM 81mgs Baby Aspirin

 

Tuesday 12/4/18                                                    Day 11 of Reinstatement

No Sleep (Up for 24 hours)

Morning Cortisol Spike:                                             Wired and Tired,  Extreme physical tension, can't relax, adrenaline surges, (no nausea, no headache)

8AM       75 mg Thryroid

8:30AM  0.20mg Liquid Lamictal                              Wonder why I am continuing to try to keep going with wd.  

9:00AM                                                                         Feel some nausea but only took the med with a banana

12:00PM 1 omega, 1 mag

1PM                                                                              Cried with a friend over the fear I won't heal

1-3                                                                                 Still wired and tired

4PM                                                                              Check in with a friend again and am upset about how sick I feel

4:30-6:30                                                                       Eat dinner, rest,  still low grade cortisol surges

6:30PM 1 magnesium

8:30PM  0.02 Lamictal                                               1/2 later a little speedy

10PM   Take 2 Tryptophan, tiny Melatonin             Start to relax but still can't sleep, Angry about all this

11PM  1 Tryptophan                                                  Go to sleep

 

Wednesday, 12/5/18                                           Day 12 of Reinstatement

Sleep

Morning Cortisol Spike:                                             Sweating, head pressure (could be melatonin or tryptophan hangover) some adrenaline

8:30AM  0.20mg Liquid lamictal                              Don't notice so much speediness, some nausea as I took med on an empty stomach

8:45AM  75 mgs Thyroid

9AM                                                                               Overall grief and anger over how my life has stopped for now.  Hard to imagine feeling differently.  Not depressed, more a mourning.

  

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Hibari

I need some moderator support.

 

I'm in such acute wd pain again today, both physically and mentally.  I did not sleep last night.  

 

I know I'm in a a cold turkey state even with the small reinstatement.

 

I don't want to take anything but do still have my cbd oil as a backup. 

 

If there is any suggestions, I appreciate it. 

 

 

Wednesday, 12/5/18                                           Day 12 of Reinstatement

Sleep

Morning Cortisol Spike:                                             Sweating, head pressure (could be melatonin or tryptophan hangover) some adrenaline

8:30AM  0.20mg Liquid lamictal                              Don't notice so much speediness, some nausea as I took med on an empty stomach

8:45AM  75 mgs Thyroid

9AM                                                                               Overall grief and anger over how my life has stopped for now.  Hard to imagine feeling differently.  Not depressed, more a mourning.

12PM                                                                             Lunch

1PM                                                                               Walked to bank and grocery store, low mood

2PM                                                                               Try to nap, keep jolting away, anxiety rises., have oj, sea salt and creme of tartar drink for potassium

3PM                                                                               Cried with a friend

4PM         1 Magnisuim                                                                     

6-8                                                                                   Depressed most of the night

8:30PM   0.02 Lamictal

9:30PM                                                                           A little hyper

10PM                                                                              Bed, can't sleep

10:30     2 tryptophan, speck of melatonin

No sleep

 

Thursday, 12/6/18                                                      Day 13 of Reinstatement

No Sleep

Very physically tense all night

8:30AM   0.02 Lamictal                                            No reaction to med

9-11                                                                             In bed, physical and mental pain of acute wd.

  

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Hibari

Hi Shep,

I'm stopping by your thread to ask a question.  

 

Though I am tapering Lamictal at this time and not a benzo, I feel an affinity for the benzo experience because my medication affects gaba as well and in a major way. 

 

What is the benzo community's thoughts on using cbd oil to help with withdrawal symptoms?  It seems that some people on benzo buddies use it but can't really seem to get a consensus.  

If you have any thoughts oir insight I would appreciate it. 

Hibari 

 

 

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Songbird

Please can you update your signature with dates and doses for your reinstatement.

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Hibari
31 minutes ago, Songbird said:

Please can you update your signature with dates and doses for your reinstatement.

Just did Songbird. 

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Carmie

Hi Hibari, 

 

Just wanted to drop by and give you lots of hugs as I see you’ve really been struggling lately. We will win this fight one day. It’s a slow n frustrating process but we will get there in the end. 

 

Sending you lots of sunshine too☀️☀️☀️

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Hibari
20 minutes ago, Carmie said:

Hi Hibari, 

 

Just wanted to drop by and give you lots of hugs as I see you’ve really been struggling lately. We will win this fight one day. It’s a slow n frustrating process but we will get there in the end. 

 

Sending you lots of sunshine too☀️☀️☀️

Thank you Carmie.  

 

So hard to believe right now.  I'm very low right now.  

 

I appreciate your support at this time.  

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Rabe

Hi Hibari...wanted to tell you how much I admire your strength in all the changes you have made in all ways to deal with all you have been....you are truly amazing.  Thinking about you so very much!!!  Sending hugs your way Hibari!!!💜

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Hibari
20 minutes ago, Rabe said:

Hi Hibari...wanted to tell you how much I admire your strength in all the changes you have made in all ways to deal with all you have been....you are truly amazing.  Thinking about you so very much!!!  Sending hugs your way Hibari!!!💜

You brought tears to my eyes Rabe. 

Thank you. 

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wantrelief

I've been thinking about you, Hibari.  I am so sorry you are having such a rough time.  I too admire your strength and how you are getting through this time.  Lots of hugs - WR. 💗

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Carmie
4 hours ago, Hibari said:

Thank you Carmie.  

 

So hard to believe right now.  I'm very low right now.  

 

I appreciate your support at this time.  

 

Hi again Hibari, 

 

Remember we can do this n we will get there in the end. Did you end up joining Baylissa’s encouragement group? Did you figure out the pounds to dollars with the link ChessieCat sent you? I actually have her book. 

 

The site here is amazing too. The amount of work Altostrata does to keep this site going just boogles my mind! What a beautiful, kind n caring soul she is. 

 

Here is an illustration of what withdrawals are like, so many downs n lows but we will get there in the end. 

 

Sending much love to you💚

 

 

 

 

89EE12E7-7D1A-4A24-9FA6-E79685E53BF5.jpeg

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Shep
12 hours ago, Hibari said:

Hi Shep,

I'm stopping by your thread to ask a question.  

 

Though I am tapering Lamictal at this time and not a benzo, I feel an affinity for the benzo experience because my medication affects gaba as well and in a major way. 

 

What is the benzo community's thoughts on using cbd oil to help with withdrawal symptoms?  It seems that some people on benzo buddies use it but can't really seem to get a consensus.  

If you have any thoughts oir insight I would appreciate it. 

Hibari 

 

 

 

Hibari, I moved this post out of my thread and into your own, since you're asking about your own taper. 

 

I don't have any experience using cbd oil during withdrawal, but I would treat it as any other supplement and add in a small amount first to see how you do. For more:

 

Cannabis, marijuana, THC, and CBD or Hemp oil

 

Some people find it helpful, others no so much. 

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Hibari
2 hours ago, Shep said:

 

Hibari, I moved this post out of my thread and into your own, since you're asking about your own taper. 

 

I don't have any experience using cbd oil during withdrawal, but I would treat it as any other supplement and add in a small amount first to see how you do. For more:

 

Cannabis, marijuana, THC, and CBD or Hemp oil

 

Some people find it helpful, others no so much. 

Thanks Shep.  I've used it in the past and ended up using a dropper last night, after a very bad day of acute wd symptoms,  to help with the panic and anxiety that came up fiercely when I tried to sleep.  It did help me sleep.  

 

I am trying very hard to rotate different supplements, when I can't sleep and not turn other medications.  I find that that most things work once or twice and then I have to move on. 

 

Thank you for your input.  

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Hibari
7 hours ago, wantrelief said:

I've been thinking about you, Hibari.  I am so sorry you are having such a rough time.  I too admire your strength and how you are getting through this time.  Lots of hugs - WR. 💗

Thank you WR.  It's so funny how others view me as strong. I see myself as someone who is just limping alison right now, making mistakes because I'm just trying to survive. 

 

I guess I can't see things clearly at all.  

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Hibari
7 hours ago, Carmie said:

 

Hi again Hibari, 

 

Remember we can do this n we will get there in the end. Did you end up joining Baylissa’s encouragement group? Did you figure out the pounds to dollars with the link ChessieCat sent you? I actually have her book. 

 

The site here is amazing too. The amount of work Altostrata does to keep this site going just boogles my mind! What a beautiful, kind n caring soul she is. 

 

Here is an illustration of what withdrawals are like, so many downs n lows but we will get there in the end. 

 

Sending much love to you💚

 

 

 

 

89EE12E7-7D1A-4A24-9FA6-E79685E53BF5.jpeg

That's a perfect illustration of wd. 

I did join her site and am watching the videos and listening to the podcasts to keep going. 

 

This site has been a life saver to me even though I feel my progress has stalled. Despite my belief, Alto and the modes have not  given up on me.  

 

Thank you for posting. 

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Hibari

So today is another tough day.  

 

Different from yesterday's physical and mental anguish.  

 

Today I feel severely depressed anxious and have SI.  

 

I slept last night with the help of some CBD oil and thought after being up for 24 hours and then sleeping it would help. But no. 

 

I feel.i have done something wrong because i can't stabilize or feel any real relief.  

 

 

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Hibari

Am looking for guidance on whether I need to do another updose on my reinstatement.  

 

I am now at 0.40mg of Lamictal in divided doses.  

 

I have had a rough week, including the last 2 days, which have been very tough.    

I need some perspective on how I  am doing other than my own very gloomy one. 

 

Thanks.  

 

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Hibari

Thursday, 12/6/18                                                      Day 13 of Reinstatement

No Sleep

Very physically tense all night

8:30AM   0.02 Lamictal                                            No reaction to med

9-11                                                                             In bed, physical and mental pain of acute wd.

12PM 1 omega                                                          Lunch

2PM                                                                            Start to get hyper, have 1/2 of adrenal drink oj, creme of tartar, sea salt

3PM                                                                            Talk with my psychiatrist, she says it wd, cry with her.  She recommends leaning on CBD oil more if neccesary.

5PM                                                                             Cry with my husband

8:30PM 0.02 Lamictal                                              1 hour later a little hyper and weeppy

10PM                                                                           Try to sleep, feel panic and fear, maybe drop for 5 minutes, sweating and hot flashes

10:30PM                                                                      Take 1 dropper CBD, fall asleep till 12AM

12AM                                                                            Take one half dropper of CBD, sleep till the morning.

 

Friday, 12/7/18                                                            Day 14 of Reinstatement

Slept

Morning cortisol spike:                                               Wake up 7AM, sweating, very anxious, very depressed

8:30AM  0.20 Lamictal                                                No reaction to med

9:00AM  75 mg Thyroid

9:30-4:00                                                                        Feel very depressed, SI, reach out to psychiatrist-says to increase CBD, research psychiatric in patient hospitals, Take CBD Oil, call friends

                                                                                        and cry, cry with my husband, feel deep fear over depressed thoughts.

4:00PM                                                                          After call with a counselor, feel tiny bit of a shift but am very low in my spirits and faith I will get better.  Overwhelmed on how to get better.

 

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Rabe

Oh Hibari...you are a try light...so kind and reaching out...you are a ray of sun...not gloomy at all!!!  But I understand the feeling.  DO take care!!!💜

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Hibari

Again, if a moderator is available to check in with me to see if I should do anything wirh my reinstatement.  

 

Thank you. 

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Hibari
4 hours ago, Hibari said:

Again, if a moderator is available to check in with me to see if I should do anything wirh my reinstatement.  

 

Thank you. 

 

Took a 10 min walk with my husband.  Felt depressed and weak.  

I came in and cried about how far my health I am.  

 

I'm exhausted but my mind wont let me drop.  Everyone time I start to relax my body and mond start to panic.  

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Rabe

Im so sorry you are in a bad wave again Hibari...love and hugs to you my friend...praying things get better again soon...it is so so hard...please take care.💜  

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Hibari
2 hours ago, Rabe said:

Im so sorry you are in a bad wave again Hibari...love and hugs to you my friend...praying things get better again soon...it is so so hard...please take care.💜  

Thank you Rabe.  It is so hard and there are buckets of tears inside me to shed when I think about it.  

 

Big hug back.  

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Hibari

Thursday, 12/6/18                                                      Day 13 of Reinstatement

No Sleep

Very physically tense all night

8:30AM   0.02 Lamictal                                            No reaction to med

9-11                                                                             In bed, physical and mental pain of acute wd.

12PM 1 omega                                                          Lunch

2PM                                                                            Start to get hyper, have 1/2 of adrenal drink oj, creme of tartar, sea salt

3PM                                                                            Talk with my psychiatrist, she says it wd, cry with her.  She recommends leaning on CBD oil more if neccesary.

5PM                                                                             Cry with my husband

8:30PM 0.02 Lamictal                                              1 hour later a little hyper and weeppy

10PM                                                                           Try to sleep, feel panic and fear, maybe drop for 5 minutes, sweating and hot flashes

10:30PM                                                                      Take 1 dropper CBD, fall asleep till 12AM

12AM                                                                            Take one half dropper of CBD, sleep till the morning.

 

Friday, 12/7/18                                                            Day 14 of Reinstatement

Slept

Morning cortisol spike:                                               Wake up 7AM, sweating, very anxious, very depressed

8:30AM  0.20 Lamictal                                                No reaction to med

9:00AM  75 mg Thyroid

9:30-4:00                                                                        Feel very depressed, SI, reach out to psychiatrist-says to increase CBD, research psychiatric in patient hospitals, Take CBD Oil, call friends

                                                                                        and cry, cry with my husband, feel deep fear over depressed thoughts.

4:00PM                                                                          After call with a counselor, feel tiny bit of a shift but am very low in my spirits and faith I will get better.  Overwhelmed on how to get better.

8:30PM    0.20mgs Lamictal                             

9:05                                                                                A little anxious

9:40                                                                                Slight headache, nausea

10PM                                                                             Go to bed, start to feel cortisol surges

10:15PM  1 dropper CBD 
12AM 1 dropper CBD

3AM    1 Dropper CBD

No sleep
 

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Altostrata
On 11/2/2018 at 10:58 AM, Altostrata said:

....

Please include your thyroid hormone in your daily notes. It could be your thyroid hormone dosage is still too high. One's need for thyroid supplementation can vary, necessitating occasional dosage adjustments. As thyroid hormone has a very long half-life, feeling a reduction in dosage takes weeks.

 

How is your doctor monitoring your change in thyroid hormone? It could still be too high, contributing to your symptoms.

 

CBD can have a half-life of 2 days. If there's some in your system from the prior day, you might be overdoing it by ramping up the dose. It seems you get better results with a half-dropper than more than one dropper.

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Hibari
3 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

 

How is your doctor monitoring your change in thyroid hormone? It could still be too high, contributing to your symptoms.

 

CBD can have a half-life of 2 days. If there's some in your system from the prior day, you might be overdoing it by ramping up the dose. It seems you get better results with a half-dropper than more than one dropper.

I'm supposed to get checked in month.  

 

Yes, believe it or not. I'm trying not to use the cbd too much.  It does seem to keep me calm and I need that right now.  

So basically keep my divided dose the same.  

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Altostrata

Why is your doctor waiting on the thyroid follow-up? Didn't you make the change in October?

 

It looks to me that the evening Lamictal may be activating, you might gradually move it earlier in the day. Or, you might take 0.10mg instead:

 

On 12/1/2018 at 3:45 PM, Altostrata said:

 

It sounds like much of your anxiety is related to your husband's condition and your belief that you are not meeting your or his expectations.  You have to stop this. You are doing the best you can. I am sorry that both of you are ill.

 

Please stop experimenting with Lamictal dosing. You've been moving the timing and amount around. Not sure if a total of 0.40mg is an improvement over 0.25mg. More is not better.

 

For split doses, it's best if your Lamictal are taken 12 hours apart. Suggest you set one time in the evening and one time in the morning to take it.

 

Lamictal is not an anti-anxiety drug, it reduces nervous system reactivity.

 

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Rosetta

A big hug, Hibari.  I'm sorry this is so hard on you right now. - Rosetta

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Hibari
11 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Why is your doctor waiting on the thyroid follow-up? Didn't you make the change in October?

 

It looks to me that the evening Lamictal may be activating, you might gradually move it earlier in the day. Or, you might take 0.10mg instead:

 

 

 

Yes, the change was made in October.  

 

The other factor is.that I havent been able to leave the house much, I've been too sick physically and mentally to make many appointments. 

 

I was thinking the eve Lamictal was becoming to activating.  

 

Since I experienced a window last night for the first time in months, I have to decide whether I shift the dose or time right now. 

 

Plus I took my morning dose today and feel a little hyper as well but tha could be amplified because I woke up so angry today about what has happed to me.  Almost neuro emotion anger because I am so furious.  

 

 

 

 

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Hibari
11 hours ago, Rosetta said:

A big hug, Hibari.  I'm sorry this is so hard on you right now. - Rosetta

Thank you Rosetta.  

 

Finally had a window last night where I felt close to normal.  And today, I am very angry, which is a shift from being so depressed and sad.  

 

I saw that things shifted for you as well. 

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