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Hibari: tapering Remeron and want to start tapering Lamictal


Hibari

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I  totally hear you on all of this. I think these despondent feelings are part of healing. Unfortunately. Hang on and ride it out. You will come out the other side. I know you will. You will feel great and your hair will shine. As for toning the body - that will happen also. 

 

My eye doctor and retina specialist insist on eye vitamins. I take Preservavision and I get it at Costco. There are other eye vitamins available also. It must contain Lutein my eye doctors say.  I think it has helped me. The doctors no longer see anything related to macular degeneration they suspected. I also have dry eyes. Hmm. When did that happen? Remeron drys us out. That's what I think.

 

It's so easy to fall into that dark pit of negative thinking about ourselves but even more so in withdrawal. Look straight ahead and keep your eye on the goal. You will diet and exercise when you are ready for that. In the meantime, time will pass as it usually does but you will be getting healthier every day. 

 

L

 

"What if the doctors were right and I am a person who probably have been depressed my whole life." Please do not believe that, Hibari, for one second. It's not true at all. I was also told by a psychiatrist that I was depressed and probably had been since I was 6 years old. That doesn't sound very hopeful, does it? NOT TRUE. Do not believe that, Hibari.  

I cried when I read this Leahy and in a good way.    You gave me some deep reassurance and that's what I really needed.  Thank you for your caring of me and your belief in my ability to heal.  I also appreciate you suggestions for the vitamins for my eyes-that gave me hope too.  You have been such a steady friend while I go through this because as you well know, it's hard for others to understand. 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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I  totally hear you on all of this. I think these despondent feelings are part of healing. Unfortunately. Hang on and ride it out. You will come out the other side. I know you will. You will feel great and your hair will shine. As for toning the body - that will happen also. 

 

My eye doctor and retina specialist insist on eye vitamins. I take Preservavision and I get it at Costco. There are other eye vitamins available also. It must contain Lutein my eye doctors say.  I think it has helped me. The doctors no longer see anything related to macular degeneration they suspected. I also have dry eyes. Hmm. When did that happen? Remeron drys us out. That's what I think.

 

It's so easy to fall into that dark pit of negative thinking about ourselves but even more so in withdrawal. Look straight ahead and keep your eye on the goal. You will diet and exercise when you are ready for that. In the meantime, time will pass as it usually does but you will be getting healthier every day. 

 

L

 

"What if the doctors were right and I am a person who probably have been depressed my whole life." Please do not believe that, Hibari, for one second. It's not true at all. I was also told by a psychiatrist that I was depressed and probably had been since I was 6 years old. That doesn't sound very hopeful, does it? NOT TRUE. Do not believe that, Hibari.  

I cried when I read this Leahy and in a good way.    You gave me some deep reassurance and that's what I really needed.  Thank you for your caring of me and your belief in my ability to heal.  I also appreciate you suggestions for the vitamins for my eyes-that gave me hope too.  You have been such a steady friend while I go through this because as you well know, it's hard for others to understand.  Thank you.

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Hibari,

 

It's really disheartening dealing with endless symptoms and lousy thoughts that come with WD. It's difficult, but try not to believe them...especially from a ____ psychiatrist (fill in the blank with the word or words of your choice). Some guy who didn't know you or your history made an pronouncement of something that HE believed. Maybe it says more about him, than it does about you.

 

WD seems to evoke those beliefs that we are the one person who will not get better, needs to be on drugs, etc. I imagine that nearly all of us have had them. It's scary going through this process. I think the mind wants to latch onto something, anything, that feels certain...even if that certainty is something negative.

 

You'll ride this out too and look back...realizing, that you have strengthened and become more determined through the downs. Of most importance at this time in my opinion--be as kind to yourself as you possibly can. Focus on the 1 or 2 things you can do for yourself today....

I think it did say more about him than me.  This psychiatrist was recommended to my by my former therapist.  I left that therapist even pre-withdrawal because she couldn't handle it when I fell apart after the death of my mom.  Her boundaries were poor and at one point she told me she had been on Cymbalta for years and was afraid to come off of it.  No judgement on the choice for medication but subsequent behavior by her, made me realize it was time to leave.   Her choice of psychiatrist, in my opinion, was all part of that learning experience for me.

 

Thank you for acknowledging that it's scary to go through this process.  I have read that in many threads and on days like this, I feel affirmed when I read it again. 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Hi Hibari,

 

Would you consider holding for a while and not making any cuts.  I think micro tapering is a great technique but it can catch up on you.   Maybe there is value for your body and spirit in just putting the whole withdrawal to the side for a while.

 

Your thoughts?

 

Dalsaan

Yes, it did catch up with me and my body has told me to stop for now.  I am definitely holding till I feel strong again.  I am headed into a busy work period and need to be as stable as I can.

 

Thanks for stopping by and gently suggesting a hold.  

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm glad you are listening to your body and making good decisions for yourself.   These things pay off over the long term

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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Better yesterday and today.  The mental anguish is much less, the physical exhaustion is still very much here.  That, the hot flashes and achy joints are the most extreme symptoms. Started taking tart cherry capsules and Vitamin D3.  Also, from Leahy's suggestion, taking a eye supplement with Lutein. 

 

Thank you all again for your support. 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Thanks for keeping us updated, Hibari. Hopefully tomorrow will be a tiny bit better for you.

 

It helps me to get outside a little bit, as much as I don't want to. There is a strong correlation between how much sun/exercise I get and how I feel mentally and physically.

 

Battling with agoraphobia I resist going out. Planning a small activity helps me to forget. Otherwise, I feel "bored" outside doing nothing. When I walk, I listen to music which again helps me forget as I enjoy each song. I pick a destination or chore and walk to that point and back. Getting to the destination is the big push but then I have to walk back.

 

Walking makes a huge difference in my weight also. I don't know why I don't do more of this. Actually I do know why. Gosh, you just got me to really think about it. Thank you. I hope it helps you a tiny bit, too. :-)

 

L

2001-2007 Rem 90 mg, xanax 2 mg synthroid 112mcg - 2007-2014 Rem 60 mg xanax 3-4 mg

2015   Feb Rem 45 mg xanax 2 mg, March Rem 30 xanax 2, April  Rem 22.5, May Rem 30  xanax .25x4 hrs, June Rem 26 xanax 2-3, July Rem 22.5 xanax 2, Aug Rem 15 xanax 2, Sept Rem 22 xanax 2, Oct Rem 18 mg xanax .25 mg /4 hrs, Nov Rem 23 mg xanax .5mg, Dec Rem 24 xanax 2 

2016  Jan Rem 20 xanax 2,  Feb Rem 18 mg xanax 1.5, Feb Rem 14 12 mg xanax 1 mg, March Rem 10 9 mg xanax 1-2 mg Rem 7.3 8 xanax 1-2, April Rem 10 12 mg xanax 2 mg, May Rem 11 xanax 1 .75mg Nov Rem 10mg Xanax 2mg 2017 May Rem 10.25 Xanax 1 mg, November Xanax 1mg

 

 

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This is good information about CYP 450 enzymes particularly CYP3A which metabolizes mirttazapine with a list of interactions which might be helpful... 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5301-tips-for-tapering-off-remeron-mirtazapine/page-2#entry185623

2001-2007 Rem 90 mg, xanax 2 mg synthroid 112mcg - 2007-2014 Rem 60 mg xanax 3-4 mg

2015   Feb Rem 45 mg xanax 2 mg, March Rem 30 xanax 2, April  Rem 22.5, May Rem 30  xanax .25x4 hrs, June Rem 26 xanax 2-3, July Rem 22.5 xanax 2, Aug Rem 15 xanax 2, Sept Rem 22 xanax 2, Oct Rem 18 mg xanax .25 mg /4 hrs, Nov Rem 23 mg xanax .5mg, Dec Rem 24 xanax 2 

2016  Jan Rem 20 xanax 2,  Feb Rem 18 mg xanax 1.5, Feb Rem 14 12 mg xanax 1 mg, March Rem 10 9 mg xanax 1-2 mg Rem 7.3 8 xanax 1-2, April Rem 10 12 mg xanax 2 mg, May Rem 11 xanax 1 .75mg Nov Rem 10mg Xanax 2mg 2017 May Rem 10.25 Xanax 1 mg, November Xanax 1mg

 

 

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Thank you Leahy. e

 

How are you doing?

 

I am more stable though not so up in mood.  Just feeling a lack of inspiration and joy.   I know some of this is the flatness from the Mirt and Lamictal and some of it is my own doing.  I am in a busy work period and while I am grateful I can work, my life feels out of balance between work and play.

 

When I am in this mindset I think, "how could going to the movies or meeting with friends possible make me feel better" but I have to over ride my pessimism and when I do, I usually feel better.  Need to take those action steps.

 

H

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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I feel terrible physically, mentally and emptionally. I woke up at 4 AM this morning with a massive headache, sweating and nausea. It has to be bad to wake a person up. I updosed to 22.5 using the 15 mg tablets and for some reason it's not working. I felt better on half of a 30 for 4 weeks previous to this but then I had begun to feel sick again. 

 

I started taking one 15 mg tablet after that to see if my sickness was due to my irregular breaking although I am extremely careful about breaking tablets. Dalsaan suggested I try updosing to 22.5, which I did. I used the 15 mg tablets and felt better for a week but started to feel sick again. I'm so confused and tired of being sick. It ruins entire days and weeks and months. No one in my life believes me or cares. Except here on SA. I know you care.

 

I saw my pdoc and she doesn't believe it's wd. Something else is going on she says. Would I consider seeing a nuerologist? She asks. WD happens in 24 hours she says not 4 weeks or 2 weeks or 4 days. And wd is shaking she says. 

 

It's really hard to deal with this when my head feels like an ax was lodged into it and I want to throw up. I can't even go to bed early because I have to go to a wake. God help me. Please. This is making living very difficult.

 

Sorry, Hibari. I'm going to post this on my page as well. Maybe someone will have additional advice for me.

 

You are not alone. That's for sure.

 

L

2001-2007 Rem 90 mg, xanax 2 mg synthroid 112mcg - 2007-2014 Rem 60 mg xanax 3-4 mg

2015   Feb Rem 45 mg xanax 2 mg, March Rem 30 xanax 2, April  Rem 22.5, May Rem 30  xanax .25x4 hrs, June Rem 26 xanax 2-3, July Rem 22.5 xanax 2, Aug Rem 15 xanax 2, Sept Rem 22 xanax 2, Oct Rem 18 mg xanax .25 mg /4 hrs, Nov Rem 23 mg xanax .5mg, Dec Rem 24 xanax 2 

2016  Jan Rem 20 xanax 2,  Feb Rem 18 mg xanax 1.5, Feb Rem 14 12 mg xanax 1 mg, March Rem 10 9 mg xanax 1-2 mg Rem 7.3 8 xanax 1-2, April Rem 10 12 mg xanax 2 mg, May Rem 11 xanax 1 .75mg Nov Rem 10mg Xanax 2mg 2017 May Rem 10.25 Xanax 1 mg, November Xanax 1mg

 

 

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Leahy, hang in there.  I am going to post on your thread.

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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 Hi Hibari,
 

Thanks for  your support. 

 

It can be hard to follow through with those action steps, when you're feeling down & joyless. Procrastination seems to rule, but of course if  you can push through it, the end result is a lift in spirits, even if it's only temporary.  It's easier said than done, but can turn things in a more positive direction.  Then, the next time , a low mood hits,  it seems  a little easier, as you know those " steps " will definitely help ,because the memory is there  &   an upward cycle begins, again. At least , that's what I have found.   Most of the time it works.  Not always , though.  :unsure:   Some days, you just have to get through !!   :blink:

 

Just some thoughts.

 

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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I agree Ali.   I know that when my mind tries to trick me, I have to overide it and just take action steps, as many as I can depending on my physical state.

 

I was thinking that my habit of projecting my insides on other people's outsides is exactly that and it's not based in reality.  I have no idea what is going on with other people who look smiley and happy on the outside.  I wish them happiness but just because I am struggling doesn't mean others aren't as well.  I see it all the time on this site and I'm so glad for the honesty and support.

 

I am feeling better today-stabilizing for sure. 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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Feeling emotional today-lots of sadness and wanting to cry. I am trying not to over react.  I had an acupuncture treatment yesterday from my acupuncturist's supervisor who gives me the Chinese formulas.   He reads the body really well but his ability to understand the emotional roller coaster of this process is not something he gets.  He keeps focusing on the fact that something needs to be let out and assumes it's me holding back emotionally.  Even though I have told him that the medication flattens me, I don't think he remembers or gets it-what am I saying, he doesn't get it. 

 

At the end of the session when I was paying, he came up to me and said something like, "can you let out your anger by hitting something?".   I looked at him and said, "I've done that work for years.  I don't mean to sound egotistical but I am a very sophisticated patient.  I have done Reichian therapy, Reiki, acupuncture, Rolfing, Colon Therapy, Homeopathy, and many other things".  He looked startled and said, "I have to get to know you more, I don't know these things".   It is exhausting educating people.

 

Anyway, needed to share my feelings and experience.  I feel my age and so much so that I went and had my hair cut really short-I just had to do it.  I really like it.

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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It sounds like you handled the situation exceptionally well Hibari. I understand though, about how it is dealing with people who have no idea of what WD is like. I'm afraid I dealt with much the same while I was grieving..to the point that stopped attempting to communicate much about the process. It really comes down to not understanding what you haven't been through yourself I guess. Still, some people are more open to learning and listening than others.

 

Do you ever find the acupuncture actually stirs things up emotionally? My last treatment did..not that it set off my nervous system, but it triggered something which I'm still dealing with.

 

I find with the 2 practitioners I've worked with a very long time, I don't feel so reactive about them not fully understanding WD. Maybe it's because they know me in so many other ways, what I've been through, and I trust them. They were both very much there for me through my wife's illness and death..and from them, I feel no judgment. I don't know the chiro or acupuncturist well enough yet to feel that same level of trust...and in fact, I've more or less decided to take a bit of a break from both..as it's unclear right now if it's hindering or helping...

 

Sorry for hijacking...I think that interface with practitioners of any type brings on extra challenges during more intense times, like WD. They tend to see things from a certain perspective, which may or may not fit with what we are actually going through. Have you taken anything in for them to read or suggested anything like that? I may print something off here to take with me, should I go back for either of those kinds of treatment...

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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It sounds like you handled the situation exceptionally well Hibari. I understand though, about how it is dealing with people who have no idea of what WD is like. I'm afraid I dealt with much the same while I was grieving..to the point that stopped attempting to communicate much about the process. It really comes down to not understanding what you haven't been through yourself I guess. Still, some people are more open to learning and listening than others.

 

Do you ever find the acupuncture actually stirs things up emotionally? My last treatment did..not that it set off my nervous system, but it triggered something which I'm still dealing with.

 

I find with the 2 practitioners I've worked with a very long time, I don't feel so reactive about them not fully understanding WD. Maybe it's because they know me in so many other ways, what I've been through, and I trust them. They were both very much there for me through my wife's illness and death..and from them, I feel no judgment. I don't know the chiro or acupuncturist well enough yet to feel that same level of trust...and in fact, I've more or less decided to take a bit of a break from both..as it's unclear right now if it's hindering or helping...

 

Sorry for hijacking...I think that interface with practitioners of any type brings on extra challenges during more intense times, like WD. They tend to see things from a certain perspective, which may or may not fit with what we are actually going through. Have you taken anything in for them to read or suggested anything like that? I may print something off here to take with me, should I go back for either of those kinds of treatment...

Hi Free

 

I'm sorry you had that response when you were grieving-you're right people can't handle what they don't know.  And yes, there were some people who just were kind because that's who they are all the time.

 

This is the first time the acupuncture set me off emotionally and I think it's because I did two treatments close together and the second treatment was deep.  I could tell by the placement of the needles and the intensity of the feelings around the points.  I decided not to go tonight because I felt instinctively I needed a break.  For me taking care of myself was not doing something "good for me".  And this could be a projection on my part, but I am left with a feeling that this acupuncturist wanted to stir things up in order to bring things to the surface.  I don't believe in forcing things but I just feel he wants me, as I mentioned above, to open up.  I don't get my regular treatments by him, just the testing of the points for the formulas. 

 

I agree with you about finding the right people who can support us during a process.  As long as they are not locked into their way being the only way, I am willing to give practitioners a chance.  I have found with my main acupuncturist that she is willing to learn about the impact of medication wd and I trust her more because of it.  I have cried her office because I felt so bad and have cried on the table with her in the room.  I don't feel comfortable doing that with the other practitioner.  

 

This process is my great teacher, no more handing my power to anyone who operates from a fixed point of view, especially a holistic practitioner.  They can be as rigid as a psychiatrist and just as shaming.   I know to much now about my own health and body from what I have gone through and what I have learned here.

 

You haven't hijacked my thread at all, feel free to post any thoughts you have about your process here, I know I have done so on your threads as well.

 

I did find something written by Rhiannon that I sent to both my acupuncturists, two friends and my husband.  I found it so clearly explained what this process is about and it educated me as well.  The link is below and her post is on August 1, 2014.   Let me know what you think.

 

Thanks as always for your thoughts and sharing Free.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6786-dadeen8-tapering-off-of-lamictal-is-hell-on-earth/#entry184054

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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 Hi Hibari,

 

I'm really starting to think, in  this process, that the less you do, the better off you are !  None of this sounds  " healing". Your " accupuncturist", sounds just as ignorant . as the " Psychiatrists & Psychologists ".    I think, at the end of the day, we just have to " heal" ourselves, with diet, exercise,sunlight, sleep & positivity  ! and positive encouragement !      :) 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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I love this line you wrote Ali:

 

I think, at the end of the day, we just have to " heal" ourselves, with diet, exercise,sunlight, sleep & positivity  ! and positive encouragement !  

 

True that.

 

Leahy 

2001-2007 Rem 90 mg, xanax 2 mg synthroid 112mcg - 2007-2014 Rem 60 mg xanax 3-4 mg

2015   Feb Rem 45 mg xanax 2 mg, March Rem 30 xanax 2, April  Rem 22.5, May Rem 30  xanax .25x4 hrs, June Rem 26 xanax 2-3, July Rem 22.5 xanax 2, Aug Rem 15 xanax 2, Sept Rem 22 xanax 2, Oct Rem 18 mg xanax .25 mg /4 hrs, Nov Rem 23 mg xanax .5mg, Dec Rem 24 xanax 2 

2016  Jan Rem 20 xanax 2,  Feb Rem 18 mg xanax 1.5, Feb Rem 14 12 mg xanax 1 mg, March Rem 10 9 mg xanax 1-2 mg Rem 7.3 8 xanax 1-2, April Rem 10 12 mg xanax 2 mg, May Rem 11 xanax 1 .75mg Nov Rem 10mg Xanax 2mg 2017 May Rem 10.25 Xanax 1 mg, November Xanax 1mg

 

 

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I'm so glad that you found ways to take care of yourself Hibari. Sometimes the best doing is "not doing" in terms of self care. It's good that you've built a trust with your main acupuncturist...and that she is obviously willing to listen and learn. To me, humility is perhaps that most important characteristic a practitioner can demonstrate. If they don't have to be right or be in charge, there's a lot of room for healing on both sides of the relationship.

 

I found it very interesting what you said about feeling that the other acupuncturist has some kind of agenda for you to "open up", which for you, feels like a push in the wrong direction. More than anything, I encourage you to trust yourself and that deep inner knowing about what is helpful, and what isn't.

 

It made me think about a few things that the chiro has said to me, around "things getting worse before they get better". On one level I understand this and a times, would even agree with it. But I'm just not sure that this is the time. Though I've told her about the stack of difficult events over the past 7 or 8 years, I don't know that she "gets it". For me, it's so much more than WD itself. It's the accumulation of these past years, plus a lot of early trauma...which I have also told her, though not shared any details about. I think in a way, that she believes that bringing things up is a good thing...

 

In general, I find healing relationships to be a challenge. It took some time for me to iron things out with both the massage therapist and naturopath I've been working with for a long while. I had a break from massage for a time, because it just wasn't working..and ended up going back a few years later. A lot of the difficulties I know reside within me...as they are not unlike the challenges I deal with in other relationships, only they are often intensified, especially when I'm in a time of greater emotional difficulty.

 

A number of practitioners I've dealt with over the years seem to have no idea about how to relate to a client who has done a lot of personal work. Perhaps that's connected to their need to be "in charge" or "the expert"...but some seem to simply not get that some of us are looking for is a relationship of equals, because we truly are our own best expert about our bodies.

 

I agree with Ali that we first need to be our own healers...but I also think there can be a place for some support in that. Without my naturopath, I'd have had a much worse time through WD. Acupuncture seems to have healed whatever was causing the digestive problems...but maybe, I should have left it at that. It's hard to know, except looking back at times, what has or hasn't proved helpful.

 

Thanks for your generosity in letting me share my thoughts on this topic on your thread....

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

So tired these days and my legs feel like to lead pipes.  Hoping this will lift post medication.

 

For those of you post 50 who have either gotten off your medication or are really low, has your energy come back? 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

Link to comment

Yes, energy has come back...for the most part. This time of year is always more challenging I find, where there's a natural inclination towards being more sedentary. But I'm 60 and much of the time, feel a lot more energy than when I started on Remeron. There's hope Hibari...it's slow, tedious, and disheartening at times...but an upward trend is happening.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

Link to comment

Thank you Free!

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

Link to comment

Another day of feeling tired and unable to concentrate.  I also feel restless at the same time, like I want to run and run.   My legs ache though and

for right now walking the dog is all I am up for.  

 

I am trying to get some writing done and it is so hard to put my thoughts together. 

 

My mood is okay, not bad but I am filled with professional envy today and am trying to keep myself from ruminating.  

 

Just needed to share. 

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

Link to comment

I can relate to the professional envy...as well as the tendency towards rumination.

 

I've had more restless energy in my legs recently too. I find stretching to be helpful, especially when I'm not up for a bike ride or long walk. Opening the meridians through stretching relieves some of the sensation and can sometimes shift the rumination too.

 

All we can is keep plodding along...some days, that's easier than others. At least we're not plodding alone.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

Link to comment

And each day gets better even if we don't realize it. I think someone here said it's like the movie Ground Hog's Day. It feels like the same thing but we are walking towards a better life. For the rest of our lives - we are working towards a better, healthier, happier life. Ups and downs - yes, of course but it's got to get better from here. Here is hell. We're climbing out of it.

2001-2007 Rem 90 mg, xanax 2 mg synthroid 112mcg - 2007-2014 Rem 60 mg xanax 3-4 mg

2015   Feb Rem 45 mg xanax 2 mg, March Rem 30 xanax 2, April  Rem 22.5, May Rem 30  xanax .25x4 hrs, June Rem 26 xanax 2-3, July Rem 22.5 xanax 2, Aug Rem 15 xanax 2, Sept Rem 22 xanax 2, Oct Rem 18 mg xanax .25 mg /4 hrs, Nov Rem 23 mg xanax .5mg, Dec Rem 24 xanax 2 

2016  Jan Rem 20 xanax 2,  Feb Rem 18 mg xanax 1.5, Feb Rem 14 12 mg xanax 1 mg, March Rem 10 9 mg xanax 1-2 mg Rem 7.3 8 xanax 1-2, April Rem 10 12 mg xanax 2 mg, May Rem 11 xanax 1 .75mg Nov Rem 10mg Xanax 2mg 2017 May Rem 10.25 Xanax 1 mg, November Xanax 1mg

 

 

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I can relate to the professional envy...as well as the tendency towards rumination.

 

I've had more restless energy in my legs recently too. I find stretching to be helpful, especially when I'm not up for a bike ride or long walk. Opening the meridians through stretching relieves some of the sensation and can sometimes shift the rumination too.

 

All we can is keep plodding along...some days, that's easier than others. At least we're not plodding alone.

I have been making the connection for myself that when my professional envy comes up strong, it's because I am longing to be seen.  Sometimes it means being seen professionally, sometimes it means that I have been over-giving to others and not enough to myself and sometimes because I lack inspiration. 

 

I've been thinking I just want to go to the movies and I think I will go today.  I know from my times of meditating that when my "striving" energy comes up that it is time to disrupt that focus. 

Going to the movies will move me from the pattern of either working or working on myself and allow me to have some pleasure instead.

 

I am more than okay having ambition but when it feels energetically tight, that's when I know I shouldn't be pushing so hard because it's a pushing out of fear. 

 

I went to a meeting last night and it just felt good to share and connect. 

 

Yes, it feels very good not to be alone during this.

 

H

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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And each day gets better even if we don't realize it. I think someone here said it's like the movie Ground Hog's Day. It feels like the same thing but we are walking towards a better life. For the rest of our lives - we are working towards a better, healthier, happier life. Ups and downs - yes, of course but it's got to get better from here. Here is hell. We're climbing out of it.

You're right Leahy.  It's only when I read back over my thread and the treads of other people do I see the shifts.

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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I hope you enjoy the movie. Please let us know how you liked it. Some movies captivate me so much I forget about myself and feel like I am so invested in the story.

 

Masterpiece Theatre on 13 and 21 have two awesome show going on Indian Summers and Home Fires. I love historically based stories. Fascinating.

 

I am going to look into acupuncture soon. I have trouble making appointments because I never know where I will be. This house or the other. Always things to take care. I know it should be a good thing but Oh, Lord, what have I done to myself?

 

I feel sick today. Yesterday window was short lived.  I made the 30 mg soltab solution and removed 5 mg. I thought I could do 25 mg. Iv'e been at 18.75 mg for a while. I do so want to be less than 30 mg. I wasn't able to go to sleep until 1:30 AM. I felt wide awake. Going to sleep that late for me is always a recipe for disaster. I don't understand what is happening.

 

L

2001-2007 Rem 90 mg, xanax 2 mg synthroid 112mcg - 2007-2014 Rem 60 mg xanax 3-4 mg

2015   Feb Rem 45 mg xanax 2 mg, March Rem 30 xanax 2, April  Rem 22.5, May Rem 30  xanax .25x4 hrs, June Rem 26 xanax 2-3, July Rem 22.5 xanax 2, Aug Rem 15 xanax 2, Sept Rem 22 xanax 2, Oct Rem 18 mg xanax .25 mg /4 hrs, Nov Rem 23 mg xanax .5mg, Dec Rem 24 xanax 2 

2016  Jan Rem 20 xanax 2,  Feb Rem 18 mg xanax 1.5, Feb Rem 14 12 mg xanax 1 mg, March Rem 10 9 mg xanax 1-2 mg Rem 7.3 8 xanax 1-2, April Rem 10 12 mg xanax 2 mg, May Rem 11 xanax 1 .75mg Nov Rem 10mg Xanax 2mg 2017 May Rem 10.25 Xanax 1 mg, November Xanax 1mg

 

 

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I am sick today.  My recent cuts have caught up with me and I am having that awful sick, panicky feeling of overwhelm.  The past two days I was crying and anxious, today it's more physical. I knew my cuts would eventually show up and even though my brain can't really soothe me, I just have to put the focus on other things.   I will be holding now till I stabilize again.  

 

Deep down I know I am okay but I am furious.   I am going to use my anger to get things done today and not let myself get swept under by my wd. 

 

I know my body is trying to do the best it can to stabilize and move into health so I don't want to get mad at it.   I think I am just angry that I am more ready than ever to be in my life but I have to deal with feeling sick. 

 

H

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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H ,

 

Sorry for your pain.  I understand the anger.  This  takes such a lot  from our lives , it's overwhelming at times, and so frustrating.  We should  get a " PhD" in patience and strength. However , sometimes it  all runs out.  Try to hang in.  It's not easy . You'll get there  though .

 

Hugs,

 

Ali.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Thank you Ali. 

 

I like the PHD idea, that made me smile.   Maybe we could create a whole degree program in medication wd? 

 

You get your Bachelors in courage

Your Masters in determination

Your PhD in patience and strength 

 

Along the way we get extra credit for being researchers, counselors, guinea pigs, advocates anything else??

 

H

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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 H,

 

Your turn to make me smile !     :)   I like your idea .  We will graduate , with " honors". !   S.A. " Doctorate". 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Yes! These degrees are very hard earned. We do indeed deserve every degrees plus extra credits! What a great way of looking at it! Both of you made me smile!

 

Hugs, Leahy

2001-2007 Rem 90 mg, xanax 2 mg synthroid 112mcg - 2007-2014 Rem 60 mg xanax 3-4 mg

2015   Feb Rem 45 mg xanax 2 mg, March Rem 30 xanax 2, April  Rem 22.5, May Rem 30  xanax .25x4 hrs, June Rem 26 xanax 2-3, July Rem 22.5 xanax 2, Aug Rem 15 xanax 2, Sept Rem 22 xanax 2, Oct Rem 18 mg xanax .25 mg /4 hrs, Nov Rem 23 mg xanax .5mg, Dec Rem 24 xanax 2 

2016  Jan Rem 20 xanax 2,  Feb Rem 18 mg xanax 1.5, Feb Rem 14 12 mg xanax 1 mg, March Rem 10 9 mg xanax 1-2 mg Rem 7.3 8 xanax 1-2, April Rem 10 12 mg xanax 2 mg, May Rem 11 xanax 1 .75mg Nov Rem 10mg Xanax 2mg 2017 May Rem 10.25 Xanax 1 mg, November Xanax 1mg

 

 

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So even though I have been experiencing some low grade nausea everyday and some tearfullness/irritability off and on, the good news is that my memory and cognitive functioning are  improving.  Before medication, I was able to say to myself at night, "oh I have to remember to do x in the morning and I would remember.   Since being on Remeron and Lamictal that ability went out the window along with my ability to remember what I was thinking 5 minutes ago.  

 

I have noticed an improvement in that area and feel mentally sharper over all.  I still wake up in a medication haze and it does take about 2 1/2 cups to get me going in the morning but that does lift.  I also get pockets of extreme fatigue through the day and from what I have read, Lamictal wd is known for this-probably most medication is too.   

 

About 4 months into my depression, I started going to 12 step meetings because I was so alone in my depression and I needed to be around people.  Someone recommended Alanon to me and I just went-even though I am not with an active alcoholic.  However, there is tons of alcoholism behind my parents and the impact, as I have discovered is huge. 

 

The structure of the program has held me over the past two years, sitting in a room with other people, hearing their experience, strength and hope has been so calming for me.  I can sit in silence or share if I want to and nobody can speak directly back to me as it is set up in the rooms.  After I left therapy in March, I found the rooms, like this forum, have given me so much support and in ways I could not have predicted.  Like SA you hear what you need to in the rooms and leave the rest.

 

I am facing my deep spiritual distrust in the program and know it I need to in order to find solace for the abandoned little girl inside.   The great thing is, I don't have to force it or even believe, I just have to show up.  

 

Still have more tapering to go and I know I will be writing again when I am in the trenches of wd but it's good to feel my memory again.

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

Link to comment

Hibari,

That is awesome to hear! Totally awesome.

Leahy

2001-2007 Rem 90 mg, xanax 2 mg synthroid 112mcg - 2007-2014 Rem 60 mg xanax 3-4 mg

2015   Feb Rem 45 mg xanax 2 mg, March Rem 30 xanax 2, April  Rem 22.5, May Rem 30  xanax .25x4 hrs, June Rem 26 xanax 2-3, July Rem 22.5 xanax 2, Aug Rem 15 xanax 2, Sept Rem 22 xanax 2, Oct Rem 18 mg xanax .25 mg /4 hrs, Nov Rem 23 mg xanax .5mg, Dec Rem 24 xanax 2 

2016  Jan Rem 20 xanax 2,  Feb Rem 18 mg xanax 1.5, Feb Rem 14 12 mg xanax 1 mg, March Rem 10 9 mg xanax 1-2 mg Rem 7.3 8 xanax 1-2, April Rem 10 12 mg xanax 2 mg, May Rem 11 xanax 1 .75mg Nov Rem 10mg Xanax 2mg 2017 May Rem 10.25 Xanax 1 mg, November Xanax 1mg

 

 

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Thanks for your post on my thread Hibari. That's so exciting that you're seeing some return of your mental faculties...it must be very encouraging for you. I'm glad you have the support through Alanon, that it's helping to carry you through some of the difficulties. The spiritual part can be deeply challenging I find...I keep hitting layers where I want to turn and run. We sometimes have to face our deepest fears and betrayals in the process of connecting more deeply with spirit. I wish you well in finding your way.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium, Methyl B. What has helped me most: spending time in nature, qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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