success Hibari: tapering Remeron and want to start tapering Lamictal

[Rosetta]

You can heal whether you believe it or not.  I didn't think I could for a long time, but now that I look back there was progress during that time.  A lot of progress that I could not see.  The improvement disappears during a wave.  So, it feels as if nothing is happening, but months later you will notice the change overall.  Try not to spiral on the thought that you can't heal, but if you do that doesn't mean you won't heal.  It's absolutely remarkable how much the brain can recover after a wave.  We are lucky this is the case.  So lucky.

[Shep]

3 minutes ago, Hibari said:

 I thought herbal teas were okay.  

 

Oat Straw is more than an herbal tea. It's loaded up with stuff that could cause problems. For information on herbal teas, please see:

 

Herb Teas: Camomile, Ginger, Mint, etc

 

Stick with the basics like peppermint or ginger tea and you can't go wrong. You've been having symptoms like nausea, and peppermint and ginger teas are great for that symptom. Those are safe to drink. 

 

Bone broth should be okay, but please only add one new thing in at a time. 

 

 

1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

Breakfast:                                    Sweet Potato, and Oat straw Tea (hope that's okay)

11:00AM   1 Omega                Cup of Bone Broth

4:30                                          Cup of Bone Broth

 

 

Is this all that you have had during the day?  Is this what you have every day?

 

ChessieCat is asking a very good question.

 

How is your diet? Are you able to eat meals and snacks throughout the day and keep your blood sugar stable? Drops in blood sugar are very common during withdrawal, even for people who never had problems with blood sugar before. 

 

The symptoms of low blood sugar are anxiety, depression, fatigue, headaches, nausea - some of the same symptoms you've been experiencing. 

 

I think if you concentrate on the basics of a high protein, low sugar diet, eating small meals and snacks throughout the day and drinking plenty of fresh water, you'll feel much better than trying supplements. 

 

Please add when you eat in your daily drug and symptoms journal. It will help us figure out if you may be dealing with drops in blood sugar. It also will be a good reminder to eat something. 

 

 

 

[Hibari]

1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

Breakfast:                                    Sweet Potato, and Oat straw Tea (hope that's okay)

11:00AM   1 Omega                Cup of Bone Broth

4:30                                          Cup of Bone Broth

 

 

Is this all that you have had during the day?  Is this what you have every day?

No, I've had meals.

 

I'm eating.  Meat, chicken, bananas sweet potatoes apple sauce. 

 

I'm eating and actually making a big effort to clean up my diet.  I don't have coffee,  drink (except that desperate time in Nov) but I have had gluten and some sugar in the form of gingerale.  Now trying to keep it cleaner.  

 

[Hibari]

3 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Oat Straw is more than an herbal tea. It's loaded up with stuff that could cause problems. For information on herbal teas, please see:

 

Herb Teas: Camomile, Ginger, Mint, etc

 

Stick with the basics like peppermint or ginger tea and you can't go wrong. You've been having symptoms like nausea, and peppermint and ginger teas are great for that symptom. Those are safe to drink. 

 

Bone broth should be okay, but please only add one new thing in at a time. 

 

 

 

ChessieCat is asking a very good question.

 

How is your diet? Are you able to eat meals and snacks throughout the day and keep your blood sugar stable? Drops in blood sugar are very common during withdrawal, even for people who never had problems with blood sugar before. 

 

The symptoms of low blood sugar are anxiety, depression, fatigue, headaches, nausea - some of the same symptoms you've been experiencing. 

 

I think if you concentrate on the basics of a high protein, low sugar diet, eating small meals and snacks throughout the day and drinking plenty of fresh water, you'll feel much better than trying supplements. 

 

Please add when you eat in your daily drug and symptoms journal. It will help us figure out if you may be dealing with drops in blood sugar. It also will be a good reminder to eat something. 

 

 

 

Okay, I will add that in. 

 

Thank you all for support of me during this very tough time.  

[Hibari]

12/15/18                   Day 21 of Reinstatement    (Day 1 of keeping It Simple)

Broken Sleep

Morning Cortisol Spike:             High Anxiety, Sweating, Headache, Nausea

8:00AM  75mgs Thyroid

8:30AM  0.10 Lamictal             Feel some anxiety but its hard to tell with the ongoing morning anxiety

Breakfast:                                    Sweet Potato, and Oat straw Tea (hope that's okay)

10:00AM  1 250mg Mag

11:00AM   1 Omega                Cup of Bone Broth

12:00PM                                   Walk to grocery store with husband, very anxious

1:30       0.10 Lamictal            Ongoing Anxiety, can't tell if there is a speedy reaction, cry deeply with a friend

Lunch                                        Sauteed beef, avocado, 1 banana

2PM                                          Do two sets of light weights

2:30-4:30                                 Deeply depressed, unable to relax, headache, low grade nausea

4:30                                          Cup of Bone Broth, bannana

6:00PM                                    Leftover sauteed beef, sweet potato with coconut oil, apple sauce

6:30PM   0.10 Lamictal

 

 

 

[Rosetta]

I think I should clarify that when I said I started sleeping again without drugs it was meant to be for encouragement not to make you feel bad that you have used rescue doses.  My experience is different from yours.  Some people don't have the insomnia that others do.  Maybe I was lucky in that respect.  I really don't want you to feel bad for the past decisions you have made.  I'm concerned about the way the drugs hurt me and made this syndrome worse for me, and I worry that that will happen for you.  I want you to have hope that you can get to a point that you can sleep better.  It's hard to know what the brain might do if we leave it be and let it adjust.  I'm sometimes shocked at how short WD was for some people and then they say it got worse again.  I have a strong suspicion that some of them were later kindled.

[Rabe]

4 hours ago, Hibari said:

What I'm sad about now Rosetta is that I used to really believe I would heal.  But as you have seen in my posts lately, my faith has dropped.

Hi Hibari...I believe that you will totally heal !  Our bodies know how to heal...we just have to give them a chance.  My brain does not do well with any added meds of any kind and many many foods that to others would be benign I have trouble with including most herbal teas and bone broth.  I was trying to help my stomach and made some from scratch and made chicken soup and had some awful anxious days.  I finally googled it just cause it was the only change...never thinking it was an issue. Talk about learning curves!!!

It is so hard for my brain to soak up information.  Do you find that?  If so, perhaps it would help you to go back over SHep's post re all the things you have tried in hopes of helping yourself get better.  If you look at all that I think it might help you see that perhaps it is not best for you to give up hope of healing...but rather to give up trying to add things that you hope will heal you faster.  You are healing...you have had better days and better parts of days....your body and brain just need the chance to heal.  Love and hugs Hibari!!!!💜

[Ather]

You are in my prayers Hibari  

You'll be fine very soon, Just think this way there are people on this site who have healed after taking these meds for more than 30 years, and you have only been on these drugs for 4 years, am I right? You will heal just stay positive and try to keep your mind busy somewhere else where there is no talk of psychological problems and medicines. 

 

Your's

Ather

[Hibari]

Thank you both.  

 

I was only on each of my medications the following time line before I started tapering. 

Benzos 9 months 

Remeron 11 months 

Lamictal 11 months

 

Of course it has taken me close to to 3/2 years to taper to where I am now. 

 

But I'm in trouble wirh rhis last taper and now am moving back towards benzo dependency. 

 

I could not sleep.again last  night and was crying and shaking.  I tried so hard not to take anything except magnesium melatonin but they did not work. 

 

I waited till 2am and finally had a .50 Ativan, which didnt work and then tried another. 50 at 6, which also didn't work.

 

I'm not looking to have the ativan heal me faster, I just want to sleep.  

 

So now I have used 2 of my emergency pills and will receive lots of comments for doing so.  

 

I'm very upset

 

[Hibari]

Shep, as you will see from my post above, in made a choice to use an atavan to sleep, which did not work. 

 

I think I am moving into dependency/tolerance   If you have any thoughts on to navigate this, besides what you have written. I would appreciate it.  

 

Do I now work with both the benzo and the Lamictal?  I may end up back on Lamictal an higher dose and then have to taper the benzo. 

 

I did not expect the Lamictal to be this hard to come off and to destroy my abilty to sleep, which is in turn deeply affecting my mental state.  

[Happy2Heal]

Hibari,

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I'm thinking of you.

I'm so sorry you're going thru a rough patch

 

I know you're upset about feeling the need to use rescue meds but please don't beat yourself up about it. you're doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

 

don't worry about what anyone else thinks, ok?  in this journey to recovery, everyone must find their own path, what works for them

 

I remember at some point,  it occured to me that I was looking too much OUTside of myself and not enough INSIDE myself for the answers

 

I said I wasn't going to give advice but I'll make a suggestion, for what it's worth- maybe take some time to sit with yourself, look inside yourself, and see what  YOU think you might need or want to feel better....?

 

as Rosetta mentioned, your sleep will improve, you are going to heal. it's unfortunate that the sleep issues seem to be the ones that hang on the longest, I know it's been that way for me.

but it does get better

 

you're going to be ok. 

if it calms you any, maybe tell yourself, this is  just a rough patch, it's going to get better......?

 

[Hibari]

37 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

Hibari,

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I'm thinking of you.

I'm so sorry you're going thru a rough patch

 

I know you're upset about feeling the need to use rescue meds but please don't beat yourself up about it. you're doing the best you can in a difficult situation.

 

don't worry about what anyone else thinks, ok?  in this journey to recovery, everyone must find their own path, what works for them

 

I remember at some point,  it occured to me that I was looking too much OUTside of myself and not enough INSIDE myself for the answers

 

I said I wasn't going to give advice but I'll make a suggestion, for what it's worth- maybe take some time to sit with yourself, look inside yourself, and see what  YOU think you might need or want to feel better....?

 

as Rosetta mentioned, your sleep will improve, you are going to heal. it's unfortunate that the sleep issues seem to be the ones that hang on the longest, I know it's been that way for me.

but it does get better

 

you're going to be ok. 

if it calms you any, maybe tell yourself, this is  just a rough patch, it's going to get better......?

 

As I read your post I am crying H2H. 

Your perspective and support is what I needed to hear.  

 

I know you also reinstated a tiny dose of meds to stabilize and then were able to get off. I have so wanted toi follow your example. 

 

This is my final.medication and I am trying my best to keep the reinstatment part simple, while I try to address the sleep.and akathisia. I want my neurotransmitters to keep healing from the amount of Lamictal they were on. Even at this dose, the medication make me wired.  

 

I know in my heart I want off the med and at the same time o willing to accept that if it can't happen, I could live being on a partial dose that works.  

 

Right now I am in that dreaded second month of wd where from what I have researched can be very difficult patch.  

 

So I sit with myself and I know deep inside that if I could sleep some hours on a nightly basis, I would survive this final taper.  

 

Getting that piece in place is what this whole rough patch has been about.  

 

Thank you for stopping by H2H and for understanding that I am doing the best I can in this difficult situation.  I really am trying and sometimes its chaotic but it's all aimed towards calming my system down so I can sleep.  

 

 

 

 

[Hibari]

12/15/18                   Day 21 of Reinstatement    (Day 1 of keeping It Simple discovering it's not)

Broken Sleep

Morning Cortisol Spike:             High Anxiety, Sweating, Headache, Nausea

8:00AM  75mgs Thyroid

8:30AM  0.10 Lamictal             Feel some anxiety but its hard to tell with the ongoing morning anxiety

Breakfast:                                    Sweet Potato, and Oat straw Tea (hope that's okay)

10:00AM  1 200mg Mag

11:00AM   1 Omega                Cup of Bone Broth

12:00PM                                   Walk to grocery store with husband, very anxious

1:30       0.10 Lamictal            Ongoing Anxiety, can't tell if there is a speedy reaction, cry deeply with a friend

Lunch                                        Sauteed beef, avocado, 1 banana

2PM                                          Do two sets of light weights

2:30-4:30                                 Deeply depressed, unable to relax, headache, low grade nausea

4:30                                          Cup of Bone Broth, banana

6:00PM                                    Leftover sauteed beef, sweet potato with coconut oil, apple sauce

6:30PM   0.10 Lamictal        1/2 later some speediness

6-9                                           Try to relax, watch tv, still very trembly inside

10PM  1 250Mag                  Go to bed, cant' drop off

10:30   .375 Melatonin        Doesn't work

1-2                                          Tense, trembling, crying,

2AM   200 Mag                     No difference

2:30   .50 Ativan                    No difference

4:30   .50 Ativan                   No difference

 

12/16/18               Day 22 of Reinstatement

No Sleep

Cortisol Spike:                 High anxiety

8:30  0.10 Lamictal        A little speedy reaction

10:00  Breakfast:             Banana, chicken, avacado, ginger-ale sweetened with pineapple juice and honey

 

 

 

[Rabe]

Hi Hibari...my brain doesnt work as well as it used to...

12 hours ago, Rabe said:

but rather to give up trying to add things that you hope will heal you faster.

"things that you feel might help" is probably better way to say it...  It was just a thought Hibari and my thoughts are not as clear or in order as they once were which becomes more painfully obvious to me with time and I apologize.  

My thought  was simply to look back over what Shep had written to you as when neuro emotions are high I find it very hard to focus or integrate.

You will find your way, you have much support, you are healing, you are very much cared about.  I wish you some peace today Hibari.  Love and hugs!

 

[Hibari]

32 minutes ago, Rabe said:

Hi Hibari...my brain doesnt work as well as it used to...

"things that you feel might help" is probably better way to say it...  It was just a thought Hibari and my thoughts are not as clear or in order as they once were which becomes more painfully obvious to me with time and I apologize.  

My thought  was simply to look back over what Shep had written to you as when neuro emotions are high I find it very hard to focus or integrate.

You will find your way, you have much support, you are healing, you are very much cared about.  I wish you some peace today Hibari.  Love and hugs!

 

 

 

I understand Rabe.   I took Sheps advice to heart and am so willing to try to keep it simple.  Some things I've done are out of ignorance and as I have shared before, some choices come from a deep well of physical and mental pain. 

 

As I said to Rosetta, if I could really feel a sign that I am healing, it would make things better for me.   And not being in a hyper-state partially caused by wd and some by lamictal's activating energy, would be  a relief.   To be able to walk outside and not feel fearful because of the artificial anxiety would be a blessing and would be healing.   get out every other day, sometimes on my own and sometime with my husband. 

 

Right now it's magnesium, omegas, simple food and some elusive way to sleep.    I'm eating well the past few days and hoping to calm my nervous system down.

 

 

 

 

[Hibari]

Having a cup of ginger tea to calm my stomach.  

 

It's a rainy day here even though I'm tired and wired, I'm trying to hold onto my intention to keep going towards my goal of becoming Lamictal free. 

 

My life has been turned upside down in the past 4 months and I have to trust that when I am better, there will be a place for me again.  

 

 

[Shep]

7 hours ago, Hibari said:

Shep, as you will see from my post above, in made a choice to use an atavan to sleep, which did not work. 

 

I think I am moving into dependency/tolerance   If you have any thoughts on to navigate this, besides what you have written. I would appreciate it.  

 

Hibari, are you sure you're dependent? I thought you only received 6 Ativan pills?

 

How many times to did you take Valium? I don't remember it being a lot, but it would be good to have the dates posted so we can go over it. 

 

[Hibari]

23 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Hibari, are you sure you're dependent? I thought you only received 6 Ativan pills?

 

How many times to did you take Valium? I don't remember it being a lot, but it would be good to have the dates posted so we can go over it. 

 

Here are all the times in the past 5 months I've taken a benzo.

 

August 31st,   .50mg  xanax

Oct 29th.           .25mg Valium

Nov 30th.          .50 Clonazapm 

Dec 2nd.           .50mg  Clonazapam (no effext) 

Dec 12.              6 mgs Valiim (no effect)

                            2 mg Ativan at hospital

Dec 14.               1 mg Ativan 

Dec 16.  2am     .50.Ativan (no effect)

               4:30 am .50. Ativan (no effect) 

 

I have 4 pills left.  But I am concerned about my increased use because of sleep issues.  

                            

What do think in terms of dependency?  

 

Thank you so much Shep.

 

Also, Chamomile teas is out due to GABA issues, yes?  

And L-Theanine as well?, 

 

Just looking for sleep help but will not use them. 

[Shep]

Thanks Hibari. That's very helpful.

 

You've taken 9 doses in the past 4 months. Even with the 7 doses taken within the past few weeks, that's still not enough to cause dependency. I would stop taking them. They don't work and you risk developing a dependency on drugs that aren't working and have a high risk of paradoxical and rebound symptoms. 

 

I would stick to peppermint or ginger tea and stop trying to fix this with supplements and herbal remedies. Your nervous system is crying out for rest. Given time, you'll sleep again. 

 

A warm epsom salt bath (if you're able to tolerate magnesium), put a bit of lavender oil in it if you have some, put some gentle music on. 

 

Watch a gentle comedy on TV or the internet tonight. 

 

Before trying to sleep, listen to a guided meditation to help with intrusive thinking. Here's a good one:

 

Guided Meditation Deep sleep | anxiety and insomnia relief | relaxation before bedtime video (21 minutes)

 

Your body is in fight-or-flight mode right now. Don't attach your thoughts to the bodily sensations. Just let them pass by. Let your thoughts pass by. As my favorite online meditation guru Mooji says, "Your thoughts are just visitors and you are NOT a hotel! Don't let them in."

 

Let your thoughts pass without engaging in them. Let the anxiety and bodily sensations pass without attaching thoughts to them. Simply be the Observer. 

[Hibari]

11 minutes ago, Shep said:

Thanks Hibari. That's very helpful.

 

You've taken 9 doses in the past 4 months. Even with the 7 doses taken within the past few weeks, that's still not enough to cause dependency. I would stop taking them. They don't work and you risk developing a dependency on drugs that aren't working and have a high risk of paradoxical and rebound symptoms. 

 

I would stick to peppermint or ginger tea and stop trying to fix this with supplements and herbal remedies. Your nervous system is crying out for rest. Given time, you'll sleep again. 

 

A warm epsom salt bath (if you're able to tolerate magnesium), put a bit of lavender oil in it if you have some, put some gentle music on. 

 

Watch a gentle comedy on TV or the internet tonight. 

 

Before trying to sleep, listen to a guided meditation to help with intrusive thinking. Here's a good one:

 

Guided Meditation Deep sleep | anxiety and insomnia relief | relaxation before bedtime video (21 minutes)

 

Your body is in fight-or-flight mode right now. Don't attach your thoughts to the bodily sensations. Just let them pass by. Let your thoughts pass by. As my favorite online meditation guru Mooji says, "Your thoughts are just visitors and you are NOT a hotel! Don't let them in."

 

Let your thoughts pass without engaging in them. Let the anxiety and bodily sensations pass without attaching thoughts to them. Simply be the Observer. 

Thank you so much Shep.  

 

I have tried the guided meditations but will look at this one too. 

 

I'm looking also looking for solutions for the cortisol surges.  That's what is keeping me up more than anything and causes the trembling and shaking. 

 

Even now I have a ripple of wd anxiety that runs through my body. 

 

I will try my best to relax.  

 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Hi Hibari,

Sometimes I do some pasta for my last meal of the day when stressed.  It gives me a great calming......not a complete knock out, but calming.

Yah......I waited a long time to add a bit of bone broth powder to my blender concoction in the morning.  Amino acids scared me.......after my experience with the other snake oil venders.  The first being psychiatrists.  The other being all manner of natural foodie "experts" for gaining a quick pass to "normal".  This includes True Hope-Empower Plus.  My feeling is that if one had never had any psychotropic drugs........well, maybe.........I don't know.

 

I've never had any problem with chamomille tea.  Presently it has a bit of lavender in it too, and of course honey.

 

Use and cherish your 5 senses as well.  Comforting smells/aromas.  Things to look at......be it color or lights or even just a pretty candle.  Sounds.........ooooh, so many pretty peaceful sounds.......have you heard the snow falling yet?    I'm serious though.  Taste.........and it's funny........I'm not into the sugary stuff at all.......well not much.  Cherry licorice, and life savers go a long way with me.  I do spices and seasonings too.  Ethnic eats.    And then touch.......whether it's the lotion you put on yourself after a shower or bath, or that nice fluffy quilt, or just the hug goodnight to your hubs or brother(hey throw a "I like you guys" in there too, if it's a human).  I hold my own hand sometimes, as it connects me.......to me, my best friend.

 

Hoping you are asleep.

You've got time........to learn how to get out of the house, on your own again, for short walks, and then maybe even a sit down in a cafe, or natural food store cafe.  Those are groovy.  Make friends with yourself again.  Don't fight so darn hard.  Dare to be weird even or slightly disheveled sometimes.  Laugh.  Sing.  Dance.

 

And maybe just get on back to 0.25 mg next of Lamictal.    Consider cutting out a bit of that 6:30pm one.  As that was the one where you last noted "speediness". 

A day at a time. 

 

And have a very peaceful, good enough Christmas or Hanukkah, or  whatever, however you do it.  I'm promoting Baby Jesus big time now.  In a manger, no less.  With all the animals around, and that big bright North Star!  That's hope.  Healing.  No hurry.

 

Best,

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt

 

 

[Hibari]

I am very hyper this morning and it's scary for me.  Its the I can barely keep still kind of anxiety, trembling and shaking. 

 

I think I got some broken sleep last night but was deeply sweating all night long.

 

I have taken some magnesium and am now drinking some ginger tea.

 

Chamomile tea apparently affects Gaba, which is the issue I'm dealing with so I have to stay away from that. 

 

I really could use some support today.  

 

 

[Shep]

If nothing else, Hibari, simply finding some distractions can get you through the day. Gentle comedies on tv or the internet, a movie, playing video games or games on your phone, turning up some music and dancing (I got rid of a lot of nervous energy and akathisia that way), coloring or painting, taking a walk in nature. 

 

 

[Hibari]

18 minutes ago, Shep said:

If nothing else, Hibari, simply finding some distractions can get you through the day. Gentle comedies on tv or the internet, a movie, playing video games or games on your phone, turning up some music and dancing (I got rid of a lot of nervous energy and akathisia that way), coloring or painting, taking a walk in nature. 

 

 

Hi Shep,

 

I wish I could go out. I now have wd induced agoraphobia that has made me scared about going out on own. Sometimes I can do it but not today. I also live in a city, which is a bit overwhelming these days. 

 

I will try the things you suggest.

 

I dont want to take anything today but my husband is going to work and I am by myself.  Right now I am sweating again and feel emotional. 

 

I'm sorry to ask this again but what are the problems with oat star tea?  It has calmed me in the past.  

 

I'm trying to keep calm. 

 

 

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Oat straw?  It might be the sativa in it......too energizing.  Indica is apparently more calming.  It's like pot/maryjane/weed again, is what I am finding.

 

Did you do a search?

This oat straw perhaps came from a normie?  You.  Me.  We're comprimised.  Or highly sensitive.  Or something.

 

I don't do peppermint teas or like that aroma at all lately.  Way over stimulating.  And um........just don't like it when folks douse themselves in the oil of it.  I like the floral scents way better.  Pine and cedar are fine scents for me this time of year too!

 

I think you could probably handle a weak tea?  If you use chamomille..........brew up 4 whole cups from one bag.  Add some ginger tea and green.  It's going to be minimal.  Any Gaba, gaba effect. 

If you are making tea, and worried about the ingredients........make a whole pot at once.  In other words, dilute it.  And do a mix.  Find some that are totally non-psychotrophic.

 

I found chamomille as number 5 going down on the list of possible, might have, Gaba, gaba effects.

Perhaps stick with green or lemon balm only? 

Orange citrus might be good for you too.......as a tea, without any psychotropic indications.

 

Well, the day is getting on there.  Have you bathed or showered.  Brushed your teeth.  Changed your clothes.  Decided what to watch or do today?

Act as if.  Get cozy.  Make a nice nest.  And have a good enough day.

That's good that hubs is out.  Gives you a chance to self soothe a bit.  I don't kitchen dance when anyone is around usually.  Now's your chance!  And hopefully after the rush of the scary morning you might cry.  Just eat.  Stay hydrated.  Warm and cozy.  That's your only challenge today.  Some movement.  And to laugh.  Even just once.  Try not to nap or doze after 2 pm or so.  That might help you sleep better tonight.

 

You are surviving antidepressants now.  That's your job.

 

Let us know how it went.  Today.  The positives.  There is always at least one.

 

[Hibari]

I am close to crying.  I am pacing and in a deep state of panic

 

No, research on Oat Straw, just recommended and I tried it over the summer and a few time since. It was relaxing for me. 

 

I have eaten, brushed my teeth, taken my my meds and have an old fashioned tv show on in the background. I listened to a relaxing audio tape and still am so wired.  

 

I feel like my nervous system has been highjacked.  

 

I am trying to use all my skills to stay grounded and yet can't seem to do it.

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Don't hold back.  Cry.  Weep, if you need to.

Was it relaxing when you recently tried the oat straw tea?

Any positives to anything noticed yet?

 

Oh.  Floating is good too Hibari.  Just float.

The rest sounds good.  You are on top of hygiene.  And nutrition!

Edited December 17, 2018 by manymoretodays

[Hibari]

9 minutes ago, manymoretodays said:

Don't hold back.  Cry.  Weep, if you need to.

Was it relaxing when you recently tried the oat straw tea?

Any positives to anything noticed yet?

 

Oh.  Floating is good too Hibari.  Just float.

The rest sounds good.  You are on top of hygiene.  And nutrition!

It was relaxing when I tried the oat straw tea. 

 

The only positive I have noticed is that I did not take a benzo last night to sleep.  

 

I wish I could see more signs of healing. 

[manymoretodays]

Well.....I'd say work on getting a large tea pot.   As well as a nice kettle to boil your water in. 

Are you using bags or the metal tea container that you put actual herbs/dried tea into?

And just do a blend, with a tad of oat straw, and then some of the totally benign teas, to make on up a batch that will yield you 6 or 8 cups.  And make that last 2-3 days.

You have a microwave.  And some pretty cups or mugs, I'm guessing.  And honey.

 

Take a shower or bath next.  Even if.......you showered or bathed last night.  When the tears end, splash some cold water on your face and put on a touch of make up.   Get out of your frump clothes and pretend you might take a walk.   Settle in for the shows.  By then it will be lunch time.  It's okay to eat in front of the telly today.

 

Elfish and other errands for me today.

I usually pause for tea after lunch.

 

Give yourself a hug.  And let yourself know that you like yourself a lot!

 

[Rosetta]

I'm glad you slept.  That's a good sign. -R

[Hibari]

 Oh Rosetta, I will take anything at this point.  

 

I'm so discouraged about this whole thing and back to thinking I will be the one person who does not heal.  

 

I'm now lying in the couch with a heating pad.  Just counting the hours till my husband comes home and I will feel safer.  

 

[Altostrata]

Have you followed up on the thyroid hormone yet? It may still be too high.

 

In your case, taking too little thyroid hormone (whatever that means), is less than a risk than taking too much.

 

Why were you prescribed thyroid hormone in the first place and how does your doctor determine whether you're taking the right dosage?

[Hibari]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

Have you followed up on the thyroid hormone yet? It may still be too high.

 

In your case, taking too little thyroid hormone (whatever that means), is less than a risk than taking too much.

 

Why were you prescribed thyroid hormone in the first place and how does your doctor determine whether you're taking the right dosage?

 

No Alto, haven't been able to leave the house.    

 

I was prescribed Armour Thyroid when I was 30 years old, now 59.   It's gone up over the years reaching 90mgs and now recently dropped down to 75mgs. 

I mainly get a thyroid panel when I go to the doctor biannually.

 

Alto, MMTD made the suggestion that I lower my nightime dose of Lamictal but you are the person I have been working with regarding Lamictal. 

 

Still at 0.30 in 3 divided doses. 

 

Logs:

12/15/18                   Day 21 of Reinstatement    (Day 1 of keeping It Simple discovering it's not)
Broken Sleep

Morning Cortisol Spike:             High Anxiety, Sweating, Headache, Nausea

8:00AM  75mgs Thyroid

8:30AM  0.10 Lamictal             Feel some anxiety but its hard to tell with the ongoing morning anxiety

Breakfast:                                    Sweet Potato, and Oat straw Tea (hope that's okay)

10:00AM  1 200mg Mag

11:00AM   1 Omega                Cup of Bone Broth

12:00PM                                   Walk to grocery store with husband, very anxious

1:30       0.10 Lamictal            Ongoing Anxiety, can't tell if there is a speedy reaction, cry deeply with a friend

Lunch                                        Sauteed beef, avocado, 1 banana

2PM                                          Do two sets of light weights

2:30-4:30                                 Deeply depressed, unable to relax, headache, low grade nausea

4:30                                          Cup of Bone Broth, banana

6:00PM                                    Leftover sauteed beef, sweet potato with coconut oil, apple sauce

6:30PM   0.10 Lamictal        1/2 later some speediness

6-9                                           Try to relax, watch tv, still very trembly inside

10PM  1 250Mag                  Go to bed, cant' drop off

10:30   .375 Melatonin        Doesn't work

1-2                                          Tense, trembling, crying,

2AM   200 Mag                     No difference

2:30   .50 Ativan                    No difference

4:30   .50 Ativan                   No difference

 

12/16/18               Day 22 of Reinstatement

No Sleep

 

Morning Cortisol Spike:                 High anxiety

8:30  0.10 Lamictal                        A little speedy reaction

10:00  1 200 mg Mag, 1 Omega

Breakfast:                                        Banana, chicken, avocado, ginger-ale sweetened with pineapple juice and honey
1:30   0.10 Lamictal                       1/2 hour later a little speedy

Lunch:                                              Scrambled eggs, chicken, sweet potateo

6:30    0.10 Lamictal                     20 mins later a little anxious

Dinner:    1 200 mag                     Soft boiled eggs, sweet potato, apple sauce

8PM                                                Listen to sleep relaxation tape

10PM      Bed

10:30PM  0.375 Melatonin

 

12/17/18             Day 23 of Reinstatement

Broken Sleep       Deep sweating all night long

 

Morning Cortisol Spoke:            High anxiety feel like I have been plugged into an electric socket, nausea, headache (probably due to Ativan hangover and mini wd)

8:00AM  75 mg Thyroid

8:30   0.10 Lamictal   

Breakfast:                                      Chicken, sweet potato, apple sauce, gingerale
                      2 Mag 200mgs each

11-1                                               Very hard day, physically sick, and very hyper

1:30   0.10 Lamictal                    Don't notice speediness

Lunch                                            Steamed chicken, mixed veggies, white rice

 

 

 

 

[Rabe]

Hi Hibari....I know how hard it is to make the brain think when dealing with the emotions....I had copied this so will send it to you to see again.  I read up on some teas and oatstraw has amino acids and it can affect serotonin.  I personally just stick to ginger tea..very weak...or warm milk...thats about it.  

 

"Oat Straw is more than an herbal tea. It's loaded up with stuff that could cause problems. For information on herbal teas, please see:

 

Herb Teas: Camomile, Ginger, Mint, etc

 

Stick with the basics like peppermint or ginger tea and you can't go wrong. You've been having symptoms like nausea, and peppermint and ginger teas are great for that symptom. Those are safe to drink. 

 

Bone broth should be okay, but please only add one new thing in at a time. "

 

I am so grateful you slept!!!  That is healing!  And you were posting on others threads...that is healing too!  You are getting there Hibari...you really are.  Wanted you to know I am thinking about you every day!!!  Love and hugs!!! 💜  

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Altostrata]

4 hours ago, Hibari said:

I was prescribed Armour Thyroid when I was 30 years old, now 59.   It's gone up over the years reaching 90mgs and now recently dropped down to 75mgs. 

 

It may still be too much. Thyroid hormone has a very long half-life, you may not feel the difference for weeks.

 

Your symptoms would also match those of hyperthyroidism or too much thyroid medication.

 

Were you hypothyroid at 30? On what basis does your doctor evaluate your thyroid hormone dosage?

 

I have no idea what the Lamictal is doing other than keeping you from having Lamictal withdrawal symptoms from quitting it last month. You might reduce the evening dose to 0.5mg and see what happens.

 

 

[Hibari]

I was hypothyroid at 30.

 

I actual am having acute Lamictal withdrawal symptoms and have been for quite awhile.  I'm not sure if the reinstatement is keeping those at bay.  It has felt pretty much the same as when I was off meds for 18 days, maybe a couple of weak windows.  

 

I'm not pushing to go lower, I was just looking for your perspective. 

 

I actually am thinking i may have go back up on Lamictal and be medicated again or consider another medication.  I just dont seem to be making any progress.  

 

I don't feel depressed, I just feel too sick most of the time. 

 

Thank you for your support Alto.