☼ youngguy: Hello there, I'm youngguy from paxilprogress

[youngguy]

Hello everyone,

I used to frequent paxilprogress and when I've heard that the forum was shut down I immediately asked where the other users moved and I joined this forum. 

I won't say my real name, just call me young guy. I am from Italy, that's all my personal information that I feel to reveal.

 

I was on Cypralex (aka Lexapro) from June 2012 to July 2012. I had a panic attack that lasted few seconds, and I was mildly depressed. I didn't take antidepressants as a desperate attempt to break out from my situation, but rather as a way to improve my mood a prevent another depression episode. My psychiatrist told me that the longer I took antidepressants, the fewer chances I had to fall into another depression/panic attack episode. I trusted him and now I regret my choice.

 

After more than 3 months that i was under SSRI, I felt totally lobotomized: I couldn't prove emotions. That's why antidepressants work: because they're like a chemical lobotomy that cut out all your emotions so that you can't be depressed anymore. But it's like if you have mild hand pain and they cut you your arms, it's a destructive and unnecessary solution.

I wasn't even able to sleep at night, I was hyperactive and derealized. When I explained these symptoms to my psychiatrist he didn't believe me. He treated me like a capricious kid and I had insist to get him to tell me how to taper. 

I used to take 10 drops of Cypralex, he told me to taper 2 drops per week. I even tapered quicker because I was frightened by the symptoms so I quit almost cold turkey. 

The withdrawal symptoms that I had were the classical ones: mental confusion, dizziness and brain zaps. The most invalidating one was mental confusion, I really couldn't stand it, I wanted to get my mind back !!

 

I am persevering and patient so I managed to live with it until it went better. After a year my symptoms were acceptable but I still had some mental confusion, PSSD and sleep disorders.
Now I have mild mental confusion (that also depends on the climate - sunlight helps me a lot) and sleep disorders.

I stopped taking fish oil after that I had stomach problems but I want to start taking it again because my symptoms are worsening.

I will write my full story when I'll be in the right mood.

 

 

Why am I here? I really feel that humanity has a big problem. It's not only about antidepressants, we can observe this behavior in all contexts: people first decide which are their ideas and their views, and afterwards they decide what is the reality, trying to make it fit with their ideas instead of doing the opposite.

My psychiatrist didn't believe me when I told him that I had severe symptoms. Is it possibile that a 20+ years old man can't be trusted? how many patients do psychiatrists have? is it possibile that all of them report them the symptoms and they're not trusted? psychiatrists are in denial.
I feel that there is a blind communication between patients and psychiatrists: neurological symptoms can't be seen so they tend to don't trust the patients. It's like if a surgeon cut an artery to a patient and when he starts bleeding he dismisses the complaints as a caprice. This is an extremely irrational way of thinking.

When Walter Freeman started making his first lobotomies he saw with his eyes that patients were stunned, confused and even totally invalidated in some cases, but the problem here is that no one believes to their eyes and to their ears. This is a form of intellectual dishonesty that push people to protect their own interests while totally ignoring other people's needs, without even knowing it. It's self deception to the maximum level.

 

Psychiatry is not a science, it's a doctrine and until it will be a doctrine no one will gain benefit from it. 
 

[geminigirl]

Totally agree with you.

 

Its so sad. Im still dealing with the fact I ever took this ****. I was perfectly healthy before except for emotional difficulties.

 

These psychiatrists and big pharma and the doctors are ignorant selfish criminals.

[Petunia]

Welcome youngguy,

Thank you for sharing your story, I'm glad to hear you have mostly recovered. How long did it take before your PSSD resolved?

[oskcajga]

I remember reading your posts on PP and identified a lot with your issues.  If I recall correctly you at some point went on a roller coaster and made your symptoms quite a bit worse for a while - after reading this post I decided to avoid things like roller coasters.

 

It's a bit inspiring to see that you're getting better, but it's extremely daunting to realize that you're not 100% recovered after all of this time.

 

I'm currently 21 months after taking my last pill, and I think about ending my life nearly every single day (some worse than others).  I'm not going to do it obviously, what would be the point in killing oneself?  But the pain and suffering is really just intolerable most of the time, and there are NO COPING MECHANISMS.  NO ESCAPES.  That's the worse part about all this.  I can't even drink alcohol or smoke weed or do drugs to escape, I just have to sit there and LIVE.

 

Life used to be so easy, and then it got EXCRUCIATING, and now it's hard (but not even close to excruciating).  So I've partially recovered in the sense that I'm calm 90% of the time, I get 8+ hours of sleep, and I can interact with people for the most part.  Unfortunately, my career was put on hold, and I haven't worked in over 9 months.  No money, living with my parents who seem to be understanding.

 

Thanks for coming here, this community is small and we need the support

[youngguy]

Welcome youngguy,

Thank you for sharing your story, I'm glad to hear you have mostly recovered. How long did it take before your PSSD resolved?

 

It's still not totally resolved. It comes and goes, but I think it's almost gone because most of the times I can have regular orgasms. It started getting better 2 and half years after stopping SSRIs.

 

I remember reading your posts on PP and identified a lot with your issues.  If I recall correctly you at some point went on a roller coaster and made your symptoms quite a bit worse for a while - after reading this post I decided to avoid things like roller coasters.

 

It's a bit inspiring to see that you're getting better, but it's extremely daunting to realize that you're not 100% recovered after all of this time.

 

I'm currently 21 months after taking my last pill, and I think about ending my life nearly every single day (some worse than others).  I'm not going to do it obviously, what would be the point in killing oneself?  But the pain and suffering is really just intolerable most of the time, and there are NO COPING MECHANISMS.  NO ESCAPES.  That's the worse part about all this.  I can't even drink alcohol or smoke weed or do drugs to escape, I just have to sit there and LIVE.

 

Life used to be so easy, and then it got EXCRUCIATING, and now it's hard (but not even close to excruciating).  So I've partially recovered in the sense that I'm calm 90% of the time, I get 8+ hours of sleep, and I can interact with people for the most part.  Unfortunately, my career was put on hold, and I haven't worked in over 9 months.  No money, living with my parents who seem to be understanding.

 

Thanks for coming here, this community is small and we need the support

 

The hard part is about having a good sleep. This is what makes you recover faster. I use to have 40 minutes runs and long walks almost every day to get a better sleep. Plus I use melatonin when I can't get to sleep and I feel a lot better. Before then I used to have sudden awakenings and night and I was unable to sleep more than 6 hours. 

[oskcajga]

 

Welcome youngguy,

Thank you for sharing your story, I'm glad to hear you have mostly recovered. How long did it take before your PSSD resolved?

 

It's still not totally resolved. It comes and goes, but I think it's almost gone because most of the times I can have regular orgasms. It started getting better 2 and half years after stopping SSRIs.

 

I remember reading your posts on PP and identified a lot with your issues.  If I recall correctly you at some point went on a roller coaster and made your symptoms quite a bit worse for a while - after reading this post I decided to avoid things like roller coasters.

 

It's a bit inspiring to see that you're getting better, but it's extremely daunting to realize that you're not 100% recovered after all of this time.

 

I'm currently 21 months after taking my last pill, and I think about ending my life nearly every single day (some worse than others).  I'm not going to do it obviously, what would be the point in killing oneself?  But the pain and suffering is really just intolerable most of the time, and there are NO COPING MECHANISMS.  NO ESCAPES.  That's the worse part about all this.  I can't even drink alcohol or smoke weed or do drugs to escape, I just have to sit there and LIVE.

 

Life used to be so easy, and then it got EXCRUCIATING, and now it's hard (but not even close to excruciating).  So I've partially recovered in the sense that I'm calm 90% of the time, I get 8+ hours of sleep, and I can interact with people for the most part.  Unfortunately, my career was put on hold, and I haven't worked in over 9 months.  No money, living with my parents who seem to be understanding.

 

Thanks for coming here, this community is small and we need the support

 

The hard part is about having a good sleep. This is what makes you recover faster. I use to have 40 minutes runs and long walks almost every day to get a better sleep. Plus I use melatonin when I can't get to sleep and I feel a lot better. Before then I used to have sudden awakenings and night and I was unable to sleep more than 6 hours. 

 

 

 

Thank you for stopping back, Young Guy. 

 

You're a valuable member of this community because you present a case of "mostly recovered" which is very helpful for those who are currently suffering very very badly.

 

I agree with you about sleep and recovery - one helps the other - but sometimes it's not even possible - and I'd argue that taking meds to get sleep may cause more damage than not getting sleep at all.  Melatonin is sometime not effective, and so I notice some desperate invidivudals turn to benzos or z-pills to get sleep - which is probably a mistake.

 

I've been meaning to try running in order to get better exercise, and accelerate my recovery.  That's literally the one thing I have NOT tried - intense aerobic exercise on a consistent basis.  I've had periods of exercise, but they didn't last more than a couple of days. 

 

How long has it been now since you've been off the SSRIS?

 

Cheers,

Osk

[youngguy]

 

 

Welcome youngguy,

Thank you for sharing your story, I'm glad to hear you have mostly recovered. How long did it take before your PSSD resolved?

 

It's still not totally resolved. It comes and goes, but I think it's almost gone because most of the times I can have regular orgasms. It started getting better 2 and half years after stopping SSRIs.

 

I remember reading your posts on PP and identified a lot with your issues.  If I recall correctly you at some point went on a roller coaster and made your symptoms quite a bit worse for a while - after reading this post I decided to avoid things like roller coasters.

 

It's a bit inspiring to see that you're getting better, but it's extremely daunting to realize that you're not 100% recovered after all of this time.

 

I'm currently 21 months after taking my last pill, and I think about ending my life nearly every single day (some worse than others).  I'm not going to do it obviously, what would be the point in killing oneself?  But the pain and suffering is really just intolerable most of the time, and there are NO COPING MECHANISMS.  NO ESCAPES.  That's the worse part about all this.  I can't even drink alcohol or smoke weed or do drugs to escape, I just have to sit there and LIVE.

 

Life used to be so easy, and then it got EXCRUCIATING, and now it's hard (but not even close to excruciating).  So I've partially recovered in the sense that I'm calm 90% of the time, I get 8+ hours of sleep, and I can interact with people for the most part.  Unfortunately, my career was put on hold, and I haven't worked in over 9 months.  No money, living with my parents who seem to be understanding.

 

Thanks for coming here, this community is small and we need the support

 

The hard part is about having a good sleep. This is what makes you recover faster. I use to have 40 minutes runs and long walks almost every day to get a better sleep. Plus I use melatonin when I can't get to sleep and I feel a lot better. Before then I used to have sudden awakenings and night and I was unable to sleep more than 6 hours. 

 

 

 

Thank you for stopping back, Young Guy. 

 

You're a valuable member of this community because you present a case of "mostly recovered" which is very helpful for those who are currently suffering very very badly.

 

I agree with you about sleep and recovery - one helps the other - but sometimes it's not even possible - and I'd argue that taking meds to get sleep may cause more damage than not getting sleep at all.  Melatonin is sometime not effective, and so I notice some desperate invidivudals turn to benzos or z-pills to get sleep - which is probably a mistake.

 

I've been meaning to try running in order to get better exercise, and accelerate my recovery.  That's literally the one thing I have NOT tried - intense aerobic exercise on a consistent basis.  I've had periods of exercise, but they didn't last more than a couple of days. 

 

How long has it been now since you've been off the SSRIS?

 

Cheers,

Osk

 

 

I agree on this. It would be hazardous to take other medicines just for sleeping, I think that just supplements are worth it. If there's something that I learned from my SSRI withdrawal is that medicines should be taken very cautiously. 

 

It has been 3 years and a couple of months now. My SSRI withdrawal gets worse at winter, because the body produces few serotonin. But this summer I was perfectly fine.

[Altostrata]

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

☼

to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[Theon]

 

 

After more than 3 months that i was under SSRI, I felt totally lobotomized: I couldn't prove emotions. That's why antidepressants work: because they're like a chemical lobotomy that cut out all your emotions so that you can't be depressed anymore. But it's like if you have mild hand pain and they cut you your arms, it's a destructive and unnecessary solution.

I wasn't even able to sleep at night, I was hyperactive and derealized. 

 

Exact same symptoms here. Now my only symptom is emotional flatness and trouble getting more than 6 hours of sleep, but I used to be hyperactive this summer in my first months of withdrawal and while on prozac. I also took it few months (7 in total, 3 in 2014 and 4 in 2015) and also for panic attacks / fear/ worrying.

 

I am also a guy in his 20+, so it looks like we have a fair amount of things in common. 

 

Glad to hear that you recovered even when it took  2 years.

[KarenB]

Hello Youngguy,

 

You've probably read the sleep thread, but thought I'd post it just in case.  There's a lot of ideas in there.  I use magnesium, and try to get out in the garden during the afternoon.  I also have music ready to play so I don't get too worked up if I can't sleep.  At times when my sleep is really messed up, I've also used relaxing yoga poses like the legs-up-the-wall one, and yoga-nidra meditations.

 

It's a really frustrating symptom, I know... Hope you find something that works for you.

 

KarenB 

[Sampo]

Hello and welcome youngguy! Its glad to have you here. You are a living proof that healing is possible even if you aren't fully recovered yet but it seems that you will soon!

 

I must ask about your PSSD because I think that there is many different versions of it. You mentioned orgasms but did or do you have other sexual dysfunctions? For example I don't have as pleasurable orgasms as before and I ejaculate too early but I think that there is little improving in both areas in my case. I also have problems with erections because they are much weaker and they come spontaneously only some mornings. My libido is totally dead.

 

How about your emotions? Do you think that all of them have come back? Because I'm some kind of musician and music have been so important to me all the ways so I need to ask that have SSRI's impacted to your ability to like music?

 

Sorry that I wrote in your thread so much of my problems but this is just my way to make my point clear!

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story here. Keep us informated. I wish you all the best!

[escitalopramsucks]

Nice to have you here with your improvements! Thanks for sharing younguy!

[youngguy]

Hello and welcome youngguy! Its glad to have you here. You are a living proof that healing is possible even if you aren't fully recovered yet but it seems that you will soon!

 

I must ask about your PSSD because I think that there is many different versions of it. You mentioned orgasms but did or do you have other sexual dysfunctions? For example I don't have as pleasurable orgasms as before and I ejaculate too early but I think that there is little improving in both areas in my case. I also have problems with erections because they are much weaker and they come spontaneously only some mornings. My libido is totally dead.

 

How about your emotions? Do you think that all of them have come back? Because I'm some kind of musician and music have been so important to me all the ways so I need to ask that have SSRI's impacted to your ability to like music?

 

Sorry that I wrote in your thread so much of my problems but this is just my way to make my point clear!

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story here. Keep us informated. I wish you all the best!

 

My problem is that sometimes the ejaculation is very bothersome, I wouldn't say painful but it feels like it's irritated and I don't feel pleasure at all. It's like if my penis burns, but not at the point that I find it painful.

 

I'm a computer programmer and before taking SSRI programming was my passion. I used to write programs in my free time and I really enjoyed it. Now it's more a duty than a passion. I still feel almost no emotions. Although sometimes (specially during season changes) I start feeling some emotions again but it just lasts few days. But it's still encouraging to see that my brain is still able to prove emotions. It means that it was not an irreversible change.

[youngguy]

Hello everyone. I took cypralex (aka lexapro) for 4 month 5 years ago. After tapering too fast I experienced severe withdrawal symptoms. Now it's the 5th year of withdrawal and thing are better, except for the fact that during winter I experience mild mental confusion and I am always tired and apathetic. This is not invalidating. I can go on with my normal activities and I feel that except for this withdrawal-caused seasonal disorder, I have pretty much recovered from my withdrawal syndrome. 

I started attending kick-boxing and boxing classes, and I don't plan to have any fight. But I just wanted to have some light sparring sessions for fun every one or two weeks. So the question is: does my withdrawal make me more sensitive to punches? is it to be regarded as a pre-existing condition that makes more vulnerable to taking punches? do I risk that my withdrawal symptoms get worse? 

[Altostrata]

How are you doing, youngguy? How did your increased physical activity work out?