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Lonelygirl - Please help me, I am really scared!


LonelyGirl

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LonelyGirl

Hi,

I was in PaxilProgress and most people from there came here, so I decided to join.

I am scared because after 6 months from my last panic attack I had another one today, totally out of the blue. The only factor with the previous incidents is that I had food poisoning. I had to take a Xanax to calm down but I vomited after 30 minutes. I feel effects though. I am scared that I will relapse and get as bad as I was in 2012. I had rebuilt my life, I got a job, I got another job because I was suffering from mobbing on the first job, and I will start my new job soon, I can't relapse and ruin my chance, I need this job. I can't be on bed for a whole month. I am really scared of ending up taking a bunch of pills to function. I need help and reassurance. I have no family I can count on, my mom is dead, so in my grandma, and my dad doesn't speak to me because he has another family. Sorry if I am writing with typos I feel very sleepy and drowsy. I don't know what to do, I can feel the anxiety in my chest, I can feel that it can't grow due to the Xanax, I am scared that tomorrow I will have to take more Xanax and become dependent of it to function. Please help me, I am scared and I thought this part of my life was gone, but now it had come back.

2012: I had a succession of anxiety attacks after a serious food poisoning episode and was put on Paxil, Seroquel and Xanax. I took all of that cocktail for 2 months, Xanax for 3 months and I quitted cold turkey on the 24th of September. I suffered from withdrawal and relapses of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I spent October on my bed crying and small things would bring suicidal thoughts and anxiety. I took Xanax and Seroquel on my severe episodes.

2013: Got rid of most symptoms by September, I didn't experience anxiety and I started to be a happy person, even though my 6 years boyfriend broke up with me.

2014: After dealing with a lot of job anxiety I decided to get a job anyway and fight my anxiety, I got a job on September and it didn't bring me anxiety, on October I got food poisoning and I had a severe anxiety attack, I took a Seroquel and Xanax after having been clean for more than a year.

2015: I got another job and I am in transition of switching, I was ok watching tv and I was hit by an anxiety attack, I trembled from head to toe and I spend an hour and a half speaking with a friend's mother. I took a Xanax but I vomited half an hour later, the pill didn't come out, but a lot of liquid came out.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Lonelygirl,

 

You have obviously had a lot of stress and a lot of change. Having one panic attack doesn't mean you are going to go back to where you were and ruin your chance. That's stress driving your system and your thoughts, The best thing you can do for yourself is to take deep breaths, focus on relaxing your body via guided meditation and manage your thoughts.

 

You have friends and support here.

 

Dalsaan

Please note - I am not a medical practitioner and I do not give medical advice. I offer an opinion based on my own experiences, reading and discussion with others.On Effexor for 2 months at the start of 2005. Had extreme insomnia as an adverse reaction. Changed to mirtazapine. Have been trying to get off since mid 2008 with numerous failures including CTs and slow (but not slow enough tapers)Have slow tapered at 10 per cent or less for years. I have liquid mirtazapine made at a compounding chemist.

Was on 1.6 ml as at 19 March 2014.

Dropped to 1.5 ml 7 June 2014. Dropped to 1.4 in about September.

Dropped to 1.3 on 20 December 2014. Dropped to 1.2 in mid Jan 2015.

Dropped to 1 ml in late Feb 2015. I think my old medication had run out of puff so I tried 1ml when I got the new stuff and it seems to be going ok. Sleep has been good over the last week (as of 13/3/15).

Dropped to 1/2 ml 14/11/15 Fatigue still there as are memory and cognition problems. Sleep is patchy but liveable compared to what it has been in the past.

 

DRUG FREE - as at 1st May 2017

 

>My intro post is here - http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2250-dalsaan

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome Lonelygirl,

I'm glad you decided to join. You have done really well to come off your medications and build a great life for yourself. As Dalsaan wrote, having a panic attack doesn't mean you are going to become sick again. Episodes of panic for no reason are actually quite common, its just a sort of glitch in the nervous system and not harmful.

 

Knowing that they are not harmful and learning how to calm down if you do have one can stop you from developing a fear of them.

 

Here is a thread with some of the meditations which Dalsaan mentioned:

 

Links: Healing Meditations, Calm Anxiety, Guided Imagery

 

You can find lots more on youtube.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

Hi LonelyGirl--  Welcome to the group, I'm so glad you could catch up with us.  It sounds like you're really getting your life back on track, well done.  It also sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on our self.  First thing to remember is that even though a panic attack is very uncomfortable and upsetting, it can't hurt you.  Just left alone they usually go away in a few minutes.  Back at PP we use to talk a lot about adding secondary fear to a panic attack and how it makes then seem even worse.  This sounds like a one off event so there is no need to get scared of a relapse.  The best thing to do is just brush it off and go on about your life, the less you think about it the better.  It happened, it's over with, lets move on.

 

Best of luck with your new job.

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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LonelyGirl

Thank you dalsasn, Petunia and brassmonkey. I went to two job interviews today (I didn't want to cancel them because they haven't sent me the contract for my new job) and I was drowsy but they went well, people complimented me on my looks (after a long time I had my hair cut by a professional and not by myself, lol) And then I took an astrology test, I made some mistakes at the test and I was very sleepy. I was scared at 3 pm because I took the Xanax at 3 am and I thought that a panic attack might occur again, but then nothing happened. I have a problem though, I am home now and I feel anxious, not like having an attack but a lot like before the attack, I feel specially anxious in my bed which is the place where I had the attack yesterday.

Today I also talked today with a psychologist to start therapy again. I want to learn to handle panic attacks, even though my previous panic attack was 6 month before this one I had come to realize that when I am facing mayor changes in my life and challenges I have an attack, specially when I change environments and I have to deal with new people.

I feel anxiety and I don't feel 100% myself yet.

I am scared of a relapse because I feel really alone, I have few friends, my mom is dead and I feel very vulnerable if something happens. I want so desperately to have a boyfriend and live with him, to stop feeling so vulnerable and alone.

I am really scared of not having control over my emotions, this attacks shows me that I am vulnerable and that is scary for me.

I am really happy I have found this forum =) When I have an attack I tend to call people over the phone but they sometimes don't react well and they don't understand what it is like to have an attack. 

2012: I had a succession of anxiety attacks after a serious food poisoning episode and was put on Paxil, Seroquel and Xanax. I took all of that cocktail for 2 months, Xanax for 3 months and I quitted cold turkey on the 24th of September. I suffered from withdrawal and relapses of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I spent October on my bed crying and small things would bring suicidal thoughts and anxiety. I took Xanax and Seroquel on my severe episodes.

2013: Got rid of most symptoms by September, I didn't experience anxiety and I started to be a happy person, even though my 6 years boyfriend broke up with me.

2014: After dealing with a lot of job anxiety I decided to get a job anyway and fight my anxiety, I got a job on September and it didn't bring me anxiety, on October I got food poisoning and I had a severe anxiety attack, I took a Seroquel and Xanax after having been clean for more than a year.

2015: I got another job and I am in transition of switching, I was ok watching tv and I was hit by an anxiety attack, I trembled from head to toe and I spend an hour and a half speaking with a friend's mother. I took a Xanax but I vomited half an hour later, the pill didn't come out, but a lot of liquid came out.

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

Sounds like you had a very positive, productive day, best of luck on the interviews.  If your new psychologist can give you some CBT training it can work wonders for anxiety and panic.  Trust yourself, you're doing great.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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LonelyGirl

 

Hey this interview stuff is a positive! Good job! Fake it till you make it as needed. The distraction may help as you journey through. 

 

Those panic attacks are pure pains in the butt for sure. Can trigger fears of the past - and with your stress level it is clear why you are testing the direction of the wind with regards to the outcome potential. Such is the nature of panic. Supposed to alert you to danger but in our case it often expresses as terror. 

 

Brass Monkey is on the money w CBT. You will be okay but you have to get up and try - and don't give up. 

I'M A WEANER!  :D 
atavan PRN ,Paxil approx 20 yrs ago for major depression
Switched to Klonopin PRN through to current
Paxil wore out
Changed to Effexor 
Depakote added
enormous weight gain - flat affect - led to depression - dropped depakote
Dropped Effexor, changed to Paxil 
PDoc added mixed salts amphetamines for ADHD - took for 2 yrs - was ok at first but had to cut as symptoms too intense -  then the crash was too much. STOPPED
Vyvanse started in 2013 (APRIL) - more smooth than IR amphetamine tabs---Have not used vyvanse daily in full amt since May 2013 

Paxil CT withdrawal 10/2012  :wacko:  Klonopin CT WD

Switched Klonopin to Xanax prn  - too strong

WD CT from XANAX after taking for a while - it was awful but can be done if you hold on!

Back to Klonopin PRN - working very hard to avoid taking it at all. 

Effexor 37.5 started 02/2013, 75mg by 03/2013, 150mg by 05/2012 (approx)  :blush:

Effexor 150mg 3/10/2014 Microtaper -3beads  :unsure:

3/11/2014-4beads ,3/12/14 - 5, 3/13/14 -6, 3/15/14 - 7, 3/18 - 8, 3/22 - 10, 3/24 - 12, 4/6 - 13, 4/7 - 14, 4/11 - 16 - on 4/19 ran out of brand took generic. Bad move. Back on brand on 4/20 and updosed 2 beads. 5/1 - 15, 5/6 - 16, 5/9 -17, 55/10 -17, 5/15 -18, 5/21 -19, 5/24 -20, 6/3 - 21, 6/6 -23, 6/13 -24,6/19- 25, 6/21 -26, 6/25 -27

6/28 -28, 6/29 -30, 7/3 -34, 7/8 -35, 7/17 -36, 7/30 -41,7/31 -42, 8/2 -43, 8/3 -44, 8/5 -45, 8/14 -48, 8/26-50, 9/24 -53, 10/24 -55, 12/1 -57, (lost the tally sheet, thus taper info for some of it), 4/19-63, 4/26-64, 4/30-65 Switched to wt reduction - now @ -.068, 7/14 -.070, August 2015 -.074, between Sept & October 10 -.077, Nov. -.078(feeling great), -.090 as of 1/10/16, down to  -.101 since January 2016 (it is now 6/24/16), -.105 as of 8/13/16
 
 

Ladies, please don't underestimate the possibility of perimenopause. The symptoms can be similar to, may intensify & in some cases mimic protracted w/d from ssri's & benzo's. 

 

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LonelyGirl

Hi brassmonkey and NewMe,

I feel pretty good with myself about all the things that I have managed to achieve since I have started working. I feel useful and stronger. But the attack brought back a part of my life that I thought it was gone for good.

I started therapy and this psychologist seems insightful and right for me, I hope it works and that I will learn how to handle things better. CBT didn't work for me in the past, I didn't have money back then for a private therapist and I went to the therapists covered by my healthcare, they weren't the best and it just didn't work.

I finally received the contract, so I had to cancel an interview today. I am sort of nervous about my new job, but I try to think positive. I also feel sad due to the bad experience with my last job :/

Today I felt kind of anxious at night, I don't know why anxiety sort of stars at night, specially around 10 pm.

Thank you for your support, for your kind words and for encouraging me. There are a lot of people out there that can't talk about this things with anyone, I am one of those people and having a place where I can talk about my fears and my challenges is great.

2012: I had a succession of anxiety attacks after a serious food poisoning episode and was put on Paxil, Seroquel and Xanax. I took all of that cocktail for 2 months, Xanax for 3 months and I quitted cold turkey on the 24th of September. I suffered from withdrawal and relapses of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I spent October on my bed crying and small things would bring suicidal thoughts and anxiety. I took Xanax and Seroquel on my severe episodes.

2013: Got rid of most symptoms by September, I didn't experience anxiety and I started to be a happy person, even though my 6 years boyfriend broke up with me.

2014: After dealing with a lot of job anxiety I decided to get a job anyway and fight my anxiety, I got a job on September and it didn't bring me anxiety, on October I got food poisoning and I had a severe anxiety attack, I took a Seroquel and Xanax after having been clean for more than a year.

2015: I got another job and I am in transition of switching, I was ok watching tv and I was hit by an anxiety attack, I trembled from head to toe and I spend an hour and a half speaking with a friend's mother. I took a Xanax but I vomited half an hour later, the pill didn't come out, but a lot of liquid came out.

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

Starting a new job is always stressful, especially if the last one didn't go well.  You'll be fine, just don't beat yourself up with over expectations.

 

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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