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Lack of Compassion and Empathy from Family


GardeniaBlossom

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GardeniaBlossom

After my too-fast taper 8 months ago, I spent about 4 months in bed. Since then, I experience waves of not being able to do much and having to spend a lot of time in bed. A couple weeks ago a very stressful event happened that really set me back. I've been in bed almost all day every day since then. I've gained about 20 lbs in the 8 months I've been in withdrawal. I'm about 40 lbs overweight, now. Compared to the severity of the other symptoms I experience though, weight loss is not at the top of my list of priorities right now.

 

I recently saw my mother several times and every time she told me I needed to lose weight. As though I don't already know that. I'm not comfortable or proud of the weight I've gained. It hurt my feelings that during the most difficult time of my life she would focus on criticizing me. It is a pattern of hers to be overly critical and negative, but I need her support and kindness right now more than ever. I explained that I knew I had gained weight and that I've not been able to do as much as I normally do. She just wouldn't stop criticizing my weight, and I got very angry. I told her to stop.

 

I've given her resources to help her understand what I'm going through, but she just doesn't get it. I have talked to her a lot about withdrawal and how difficult this process has been. I think she's tired of me talking about it. I live alone and don't have much social support. I've had to rely on my parents a lot during the past year. It's been unhealthy and demoralizing, but I've had to in order to survive.    

 

Has anyone else faced this kind of lack of empathy and understanding? How have you dealt with it and was how you dealt effective? I would love your feedback.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
changed font

After being on (over 25) psychiatric meds continuously during a 16 year period, I began in July 2014 to taper off 1mg Klonopin. In September 2014, I came off Brintellix, Trazadone, Zoloft, Proprityline & Hydroxyzine in 2 weeks on my own without knowledge on how to taper properly. I've been off all psych "meds" since 10/2014 and am currently experiencing protracted withdrawal.

 

Medication history: Vibryd, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Prozac, Xanax, Celexa, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Lamictal, Abilify, Zoloft, Trazadone, Citalopram, Effexor, Seroquel, Klonopin, Paxil, Brintellix, Protriptyline, Lexapro, Pristiq, Buspar, Clonidine, Lorazepam, Notriptyline, Hydroxyzine, Serzone.

 

Introduction: http://bit.ly/1SIxWwl.

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There was a time I was so sick nobody questioned me much it was completely obvious I was too dizzy to walk did not bath did not eat... crapped the bed puked all the time. Not too many questions those months. 

 

I did not know I was having trouble from drugs... till I was 8 months into cold turkey. So I could not tell them anything just that I was ill and could not get up... they kept questioning what did the doctor say what did the hosp say... it was always a virus or this or that blah blah blah... I would get more pills for this or that blood pressure lipids digestion... but I could not get well i could not tell them what I did not know.  I thought I was dying and I think some of my family thought the same thing.  The ones that were around to see it were too concerned to bug me.  

 

That does wear thin it wears off... once you get a good wave on good wave bingo everybody wants you baking bread and pulling in cash ... how long till you get back out there I know it is on their minds... then the window closes back to bed I go... or I am just confused and mean tempered and say things that put me on the **** list... 

 

As it goes on people lose their compassion for it all and for me.  There is no way in he double hockey sticks wd can last 7 years... so they think... so I thought too ...so I sometimes thing now.. so what is it then lets call it something else got a name?  I don't.  That is all I have. 

 

I have tried to tell everybody if anything I have talked too much about it.. and I could not seem to help it in some parts of wd I told anyone with ears that would stand still 2 minutes like the town crier it was national news everybody needed to know this so they would not take these drug so they would tell the people they love and protect them.. other times I did not say a word and could not form a thought... a lot of vasculating in my healing 

 

I try to cut everybody some slack for this reason... It looks bad... if you can go for a walk shop for food and chat on the phone one wk and the next wk your back in bed well that looks bad cause all we know about healing till the crap shoot was linear... but this isn't so we tend to look like we only do what we want when we want... i get that is how it looks. 

 

I get that no matter how well i describe wd to somebody who had not lived it they are not going to get it really... they will not understand the waiting for the next window to do the laundry or have a bath.. or how bad this can really make you feel or how crazy... how disconnected... how angry lost afraid or hopeless they are not going to get any of that...

 

So I stopped talking about it why bother.. nobody gets it may as well shut up... yes i am angry about it as I am always there for them always. 

this is the nature of the beast it is a trickster and we have to figure out  most of how to beat it on our own... should we actually win one day we will go on and do good things...all will be forgiven.  Till then... you got me. 

 

I think the only way to get family and others to truly take withdrawal seriously is to get a doctor to say it right to them that this is what is it how it present this is the prognosis ... haha wish him luck with that I want to hear it too....

 

That is how to convince people it is an actual syndrome just look at pharma want something to be believed as  a disease others will understand put it in a tv commercial get some black and white sad pictures of suffering ... some cartoons of brain zaps and people in pain... all that... put it on tv... and run it constantly ads in books ya we need some of that and medical journals so doctors can learn about it... 

Tell the story of bright successful people cut down in their prime by antidepressant withdrawal who lost a year of school they paid for or lost jobs ect... and the mothers who can't be with their kids ..oh I could so go on here but I don't think it is good for me and it sure is not helping you in any practical way unless you have access to making tv commercials... sorry carried away time for me to step away from the computer... 

 

It is one of the more difficult parts of wd watching as the world changes it's opinion of you. It is hard one I too am waiting to see the answers.

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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Hi GardiniaBlossom, I can certainly relate to what you're going through. My mother and sister were a big part of my support system until recently (I am married, though, and my husband is supportive). They became tired and somewhat dismissive of what I'm going through. I have decided not to call them as often and don't talk about withdrawal much. This makes me extremely resentfull and a little lonely because I'm home much of the day by myself. I don't quite know what to do about it.

 

It seems this type of family reaction is typical especially if one has been suffering for a long time.

 

You mentioned you don't have much of a support system other than your parents so it may be to your benefit to print out pages from this site of what others are going through. If that doesn't work the only thing I can suggest is not talking to them about withdrawal on a regular basis. You may experience some resentment because of that or you may not.

 

As for your mother telling you to loose weight, it's a good thing you told her to stop. Let her know you are sick and that her hurtful comments are making you sicker. You don't deserve the criticism, especially as you try to make your way through this mess.

 

I feel your pain and I hope your parents develop a real sense of what you're going through. I also hope they become more compassionate too. Take care and I hope each day you feel a little better.

2001-04 Polypharmacy to include Paxil,Celexa, Risperdal, Seroquel, Depakote, Ambien, Geodon, Valium, Ativan, Haldol

03/04-11/04 Abilify

11/04-05/07 CT Abilify Non symptomatic

6/07 took Valium, began to experience altered reality and physical symptoms of withdrawal from Valium.

07/08. Abilify 2 mg, 12/08 Abilify 1 mg, 03/09 Abilify 0 mg, 03/08-06/11Altered reality but fully functional

10/12 hospitalized, Invega Depot, 2 shots discontinued, severe insomnia

6/14-10/14 flexeril, discontinued, developed insomnia; 10/14 10 mg Doxepin I week, no help with insomnia; 10/14 Remeron for two days, paradoxical reaction

Present Risperdal 1mg, clonazepam 2 mg, Restoril 15 mg. Went from .5 to 1 to 1.5 to 2mg of clonazepam in 2014. Also in 2014, tapered from 2 mg risperdal to 1.5 (fairly slowly but still too fast) and had to up dose back to 2 mg. Got liquid risperdal and started from 2 mg again.

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freespirit

Being criticized and not understood really adds salt to the already tender wounds. Sorry you're going through this. 

 

At the beginning of wd, I tried talking to people about it. I rarely, if ever, mention it anymore. I prefer to post on here, where people fully get what I'm talking about..no explanation needed here and people don't judge if you haven't been able to shower in days or get out of bed. Much of what I've gone through in wd I have never mentioned to any friends or family.

 

Of course, I found it no different going through grief. After a few weeks, people expect you to move on and somehow be the person you once were. People stop asking how you're doing, don't want you to talk about your loved one..and so, I mostly went through that alone too. I found the stupid advice too much to tolerate and preferred feeling lonely to having to fend off the unwelcome and often ignorant comments.

 

In general, people don't believe what they can't see...if you had a broken leg, the injury would be obvious. Folks with chronic pain or other so-called invisible diseases go through this as well.

 

We have the added layer of being injured by people we thought we could trust--docs or psychs..and believe me, hardly anyone can understand that aspect. Many people know nothing about pharma or the long-term impact of these drugs. Most believe they can trust their doctor and that ad are a good thing.

 

I think it's unrealistic to think we can convince anyone else of our injuries...unless they are truly open to hearing and understanding. Mostly, we live in a culture that abhors suffering and does anything and everything to cover it up...one reason that some of us ended up on meds in the first place.

 

The loneliness and isolation is very hard. I'm not in any way minimizing it...but I've come to appreciate that it truly isn't the worst thing for me..and I try to remind myself this is temporary, not permanent.

 

Keep posting and reading on here..you are amongst those who fully understand and have been there.

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium. What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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When it comes to family I have sent journal articles videos all sorts of things in emails and I can't really recall those first few times to tell the truth but as I recall more recent attempts there was no response at all. 

 

With me you have to keep in mind this started by in 89 90 with prozac and me being nuts.. since then ever dx I had ever change of drugs every doctor that ever changed him mind about what my problem was chronic fatigue ptsd.. depression anxiety blah blah blah... I always passed this on to my family with the greatest hope that this time we had the answer... and you know what it always meant I was going back on antidepressants... yep back to the same old drug all these different diseases complications ect call it what you want... they all had the same cure... 

 

ANTIDEPRESSANTS... 

 

 One could almost think what I was dealing with all those 18 years was and antidepressant deficiency... or maybe server reactions and withdrawal or perhaps an altered brain from the first severe adverse reaction that did not heal in the 2-3 years I suffered before I got into a pain clinic and dx with chronic fatigue ... sounded sensible enough at the time as I had not slept a night in years... and there is always something new to learn a new disorder a new disease ...pamphlets and books and campaigns and doctors traveling from other countries collecting drugs and support groups with more pamphlets and more fees and on and on and on... 18 years on... 

 

Looking back I wish I had the business printing the phamphlets and books for all these new things that antidepressants treat cause I would be rich now and hiring somebody to vacuum this f...ing rug. 

 

Seems my drug was my problem all along one more problem was the first time I took that would be prozac it hurt me I have never really recovered to a place of being healthy without the drugs... that is 25+ years of my life...that is how a long a person can be fooled.. if there is no talk about a subject ... so if you can send some money to support this site cause really is it priceless without it how else would you know... 

 

So my family has been thru some crap one can't blame them or me at this point for not getting too excited of hearing "this is withdrawal most people are better in 3-4 years... but i cold turkeyed out  of ignorance... so maybe I will be longer.. as I am  now passed the  7 year mark and have heard so many stories... already as have my family.. we are all a bit jaded. 

 

I am better I am not perfect... some days functional other not so much... memory is often a big problem ...yet still hear stories of people who just were done at 9 years or 10 years... so maybe.. what do I have to lose in hoping a couple more years... 

 

I think the point is this... it does not matter in the big picture if they believe all you say or not as long as they support you ...  if they support you for a time good if not you can't make them...support may be hit and miss as families get tire out as this is a long process...

 but at the end of the day if they still respect you now that is a winning... maybe. 

 

I am a parent and as a parent I think you can likely get support like rent and food as long as they can afford it parents tend to look after their kids... people will say things to you that will hurt you more cause your in wd.. part of this will for you to learn about your situation ... how emotions will be over the top ...learning about wd is one sure fire way to stack the deck in your favour to have an easier time of life while you go thru it .. 

For example I know have to sometimes check myself am I extra sensitive to some words said cause I am in wd was the person mean or was it a bit of both... lots of times in wd .. i did not care.. 

then I learned about 

 

neuro emotions

 

things made a bit more sense to me ... it may not be that this time but sooner or later it will be best to know ahead of time.

peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • Moderator
manymoretodays

Good reading above .........thanks.

 

I keep trying to come up with something or other to say I have...........these last few days I am thinking I will just say I am convalescing.........and hopefully they won't ask from what.  I mean who am I kidding......it's not like I am making new contacts nor expect anyone to take the time to go read much as it just isn't happening to them.  It hurts........then it doesn't.  My mother actually went to Beyond Meds. but I am not sure at her age she can really grasp it all........I just hope I have a really long window before she passes and we can spend more time together.  Family is out of state.  Friends are phone calls.  Crap.......now I be sad.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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GardeniaBlossom

Thank you so much, Adagioo.  I appreciate your feedback.

 

As for your mother telling you to loose weight, it's a good thing you told her to stop. Let her know you are sick and that her hurtful comments are making you sicker. You don't deserve the criticism, especially as you try to make your way through this mess.
 

 

I love this suggestion.

After being on (over 25) psychiatric meds continuously during a 16 year period, I began in July 2014 to taper off 1mg Klonopin. In September 2014, I came off Brintellix, Trazadone, Zoloft, Proprityline & Hydroxyzine in 2 weeks on my own without knowledge on how to taper properly. I've been off all psych "meds" since 10/2014 and am currently experiencing protracted withdrawal.

 

Medication history: Vibryd, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Prozac, Xanax, Celexa, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Lamictal, Abilify, Zoloft, Trazadone, Citalopram, Effexor, Seroquel, Klonopin, Paxil, Brintellix, Protriptyline, Lexapro, Pristiq, Buspar, Clonidine, Lorazepam, Notriptyline, Hydroxyzine, Serzone.

 

Introduction: http://bit.ly/1SIxWwl.

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  • Moderator
manymoretodays

And how do we maintain and find our compassion and empathy for others while we continue on this journey?  In essence.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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GardeniaBlossom

As I find people who empathize with what I'm going through in withdrawal and am able to receive their compassion, I find it easier to have compassion for myself in this journey. I think we are all doing the best we can with the internal and external resources we have. I know I am. When I have what I need, I extend what I can offer to others. I believe that's a natural progression.

After being on (over 25) psychiatric meds continuously during a 16 year period, I began in July 2014 to taper off 1mg Klonopin. In September 2014, I came off Brintellix, Trazadone, Zoloft, Proprityline & Hydroxyzine in 2 weeks on my own without knowledge on how to taper properly. I've been off all psych "meds" since 10/2014 and am currently experiencing protracted withdrawal.

 

Medication history: Vibryd, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Prozac, Xanax, Celexa, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Lamictal, Abilify, Zoloft, Trazadone, Citalopram, Effexor, Seroquel, Klonopin, Paxil, Brintellix, Protriptyline, Lexapro, Pristiq, Buspar, Clonidine, Lorazepam, Notriptyline, Hydroxyzine, Serzone.

 

Introduction: http://bit.ly/1SIxWwl.

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GardeniaBlossom

freespirit, yes. Exactly.

 

"In general, people don't believe what they can't see..."

 

I have been thinking about that all day.

 

Thank you for your clarity, your insight, and your wisdom. Thank you for your kindness. They are deeply appreciated.

After being on (over 25) psychiatric meds continuously during a 16 year period, I began in July 2014 to taper off 1mg Klonopin. In September 2014, I came off Brintellix, Trazadone, Zoloft, Proprityline & Hydroxyzine in 2 weeks on my own without knowledge on how to taper properly. I've been off all psych "meds" since 10/2014 and am currently experiencing protracted withdrawal.

 

Medication history: Vibryd, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Prozac, Xanax, Celexa, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Lamictal, Abilify, Zoloft, Trazadone, Citalopram, Effexor, Seroquel, Klonopin, Paxil, Brintellix, Protriptyline, Lexapro, Pristiq, Buspar, Clonidine, Lorazepam, Notriptyline, Hydroxyzine, Serzone.

 

Introduction: http://bit.ly/1SIxWwl.

Link to post
  • Moderator
manymoretodays

Thank you.  Good answer.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Link to post

freespirit, yes. Exactly.

 

"In general, people don't believe what they can't see..."

 

I have been thinking about that all day.

 

Thank you for your clarity, your insight, and your wisdom. Thank you for your kindness. They are deeply appreciated.

Every now and then some body will come on here with a gift to explain this.. how it feels ect... 

we have had that happen a few times at those time IF I still cared what people thought it would make sense

to copy those type posts when you find them... there was one or two recently but I can't recall who wrote them .. 

my memory is not so hot right now. 

Just an idea... as you read more I hope you find them

peace

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to post
freespirit

freespirit, yes. Exactly.

 

"In general, people don't believe what they can't see..."

 

I have been thinking about that all day.

 

Thank you for your clarity, your insight, and your wisdom. Thank you for your kindness. They are deeply appreciated.

 

You're welcome...I'm glad it helped. There is so much wisdom on this site...the kind gained through painful experience.

 

My family jumped ship well before my wife died. I heard from them once in 2 years...and that was it...friends were lost too. I read somewhere that grief re-writes your address book. I think the same could be said for any kind of suffering.

 

It's very hard seeing someone you love suffering. We have the tendency to want to fix, often to avoid our own suffering. It takes a lot of mindfulness to bring change and compassion to that process. It's the same thing we impose on ourselves too...

Remeron for depression. Started at 7.5 mg. in 2005. Gradual increases over 8 years, up to 45 mg. in 2012.Began tapering in June 2013. Went from 45 to 30 mg in the first 3-4 months. Held for a couple of months.Started tapering by 3.75 mg every month or 2, with some longer holding periods. Eventually went down to 3.75 mg. about April 2014. Stopped taking Remeron August 2014. Developed issues with histamine a week after stopping--symptoms reduced through diet and a few supplements. Currently having issues with a few foods. Most of the histamine intolerance has resolved or is at least, in remission.

Current Medications:

Current Supplements: Cannabis (CBD and THC), Vitamin C, D, Quercetin, CoQ10, Tart Cherry, Probiotic, Phytoplankton oil, magnesium. What has helped me most: qi gong, exercise, healthy diet, meditation, IV vitamins, homeopathy, massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, music, and cuddling my cats..

My introduction: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8459-mirtazapine-withdrawal-freespirit/#entry144282

Please note: I am not a therapist or medical practitioner. Any suggestions offered come solely from my personal experience in recovering from childhood trauma, therapy, and AD use. Please seek appropriate care for yourself.

 

“After a cruel childhood, one must reinvent oneself. Then re-imagine the world.”
Mary Oliver
 

 

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GardeniaBlossom

I am finding that this forum helps facilitate the process of being mindful and bringing compassion to my own and others' suffering. That is invaluable.

After being on (over 25) psychiatric meds continuously during a 16 year period, I began in July 2014 to taper off 1mg Klonopin. In September 2014, I came off Brintellix, Trazadone, Zoloft, Proprityline & Hydroxyzine in 2 weeks on my own without knowledge on how to taper properly. I've been off all psych "meds" since 10/2014 and am currently experiencing protracted withdrawal.

 

Medication history: Vibryd, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Prozac, Xanax, Celexa, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Lamictal, Abilify, Zoloft, Trazadone, Citalopram, Effexor, Seroquel, Klonopin, Paxil, Brintellix, Protriptyline, Lexapro, Pristiq, Buspar, Clonidine, Lorazepam, Notriptyline, Hydroxyzine, Serzone.

 

Introduction: http://bit.ly/1SIxWwl.

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'grief re-writes your address book. I think the same could be said for any kind of suffering."

 

This one I am keeping thanks. 

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • Moderator
manymoretodays

Well said.  Yup.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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GardeniaBlossom

btdt,

 

"it would make sense to copy those type posts when you find them"

 

Yes, that's an excellent suggestion! Thank you for that. I think I may start. I read a few wise, insightful posts last night that were so helpful! I wish I could read them over and over, again, whenever I need to but am concerned I may not be able to find them.

After being on (over 25) psychiatric meds continuously during a 16 year period, I began in July 2014 to taper off 1mg Klonopin. In September 2014, I came off Brintellix, Trazadone, Zoloft, Proprityline & Hydroxyzine in 2 weeks on my own without knowledge on how to taper properly. I've been off all psych "meds" since 10/2014 and am currently experiencing protracted withdrawal.

 

Medication history: Vibryd, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Prozac, Xanax, Celexa, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Lamictal, Abilify, Zoloft, Trazadone, Citalopram, Effexor, Seroquel, Klonopin, Paxil, Brintellix, Protriptyline, Lexapro, Pristiq, Buspar, Clonidine, Lorazepam, Notriptyline, Hydroxyzine, Serzone.

 

Introduction: http://bit.ly/1SIxWwl.

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  • 2 months later...

The most difficult thing I find is conveying the impact of non-physical symptoms to others. Fortunately for the most part my friends and family are compassionate and realize if I'm moving slow or not wanting to go out there is a reason for it. I'm very thankful for that. Perhaps, on then positive side of things....these kind of events in our lives help us discover the depth of friendships we have. The deeper friends remain compassionate longer.

Lexapro four times in the last ten years. Each time 6 month use. Two week taper.

Lexapro 20mg August 2014 until Feb 28 2015. Two week taper

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  • 2 weeks later...
strongereachday

I'm glad we have a topic for this. I moved back in with my parents and although my mother understands relatively well what I'm going through and empathizes my stepfather never even asks me. I think he believes its something emotional like just general neurotic behavior and laziness. He's been pushing me to work more than two days a week and get out of the house more but he doesn't want to hear a word about why I'm struggling. It's very frustrating and I wish he knew what kind of pressure in under and how its not just emotional but also physical and neurological

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Yes it is difficult to convey to other people. But motivation itself has at its root neurochemistry. For me I have a track record with my family of working all the time...to the point that in the past they encouraged me not to work as much...well they have their wish now :)

 

I'm trying to think of what you could do to help explain the situation to him better but I don't know... Some people simply want to believe that a lack of motivation is laziness... I realized a few years ago there was more to the picture than that.

Lexapro four times in the last ten years. Each time 6 month use. Two week taper.

Lexapro 20mg August 2014 until Feb 28 2015. Two week taper

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My mothers side of the family has not only denied the existence of my situation, but they attack me and tell me I need to pull myself up from my boostraps and get on with it.  I will never forget their lack of compassion, it has scarred me and I cannot ever hope to have a relationship with these people again.   Who the heck could be so cold and calculating that they abandon their own children and grandchildren?  True scumbag humans - the worst part is that I gave them my loyalty for many years and then they screwed me over when I needed it the most when I became sick.  My mother is mostly at fault - she is very manipulative and spreads lies into my grandmother's ear.  I have no doubt that bad things will happen to that side of the family - my mother is already taking psych meds, and is in a very screwed up relationship - I sort of eagerly look forward to her house of screwed up cards collapsing with her along for the ride.

 

On the other hand, my fathers side of the family is just himself, but he has been much more sympathetic and has basically saved my life.  I'm very grateful for his support and I'd definitely have killed myself long ago if it weren't for him.

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I remember the many days, weeks and months of w/d as I tapered. My sister the therapist had written me off after one phone call to my shrink and he told her I would always be mentally ill. My elderly dad tried his best to be supportive but I know he wondered if it was psychosomatic. I did have a few friends who came to visit and tried to listen, to help. They felt helpless seeing how ill I was not fully understanding but still stood by me. I am so thankful for having them. My joy was for them to see I was once again "me" off the numerous psychiatric drugs and no tell tale signs of any so-called mental illness. It made believer of more than a few that psychiatric drugs are extremely harmful and these drugs do change the essence of who you are.

 

I do agree many do not understand or sympathize what they can not see.

Poly drugged for 18 years with every psychiatric drug in the PDR. C/t off Seroquel, tapered trazodone, celexa, dalmane, ativan (among others) and have been drug free for years. I thank the heavens I survived.

Link to my Introduction thread: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2477-aria-my-psych-journey/

Reading my psychiatric records: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5466-drugged-crazy-reading-my-psychiatric-records/

My Success Story is listed under "Aria's Recovery".

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Aria, thanks for posting. It must feel great to be able to show them that there was indeed nothing wrong with you and show them just how bad those medications were.

Lexapro four times in the last ten years. Each time 6 month use. Two week taper.

Lexapro 20mg August 2014 until Feb 28 2015. Two week taper

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GardeniaBlossom

My joy was for them to see I was once again "me" off the numerous psychiatric drugs and no tell tale signs of any so-called mental illness. It made believer of more than a few that psychiatric drugs are extremely harmful and these drugs do change the essence of who you are.

 

I do agree many do not understand or sympathize what they can not see.

 

The fact that psychiatric drugs change the essence of who we are is an important point. I also believe the drugs affected my ability to connect with my own spirituality, prevented me from fully accessing my intuition, and changed the way I experienced my core self. The reach of their effects cannot be overstated. I am relieved to feel my own sensibilities returning and with them who I remember I was before I took the drugs. I am beginning to trust myself, again, too. One part of that is realizing and in a sense remembering that I was never "mentally ill" in the ways that term is interpreted by psychiatry and its associated disciplines.

After being on (over 25) psychiatric meds continuously during a 16 year period, I began in July 2014 to taper off 1mg Klonopin. In September 2014, I came off Brintellix, Trazadone, Zoloft, Proprityline & Hydroxyzine in 2 weeks on my own without knowledge on how to taper properly. I've been off all psych "meds" since 10/2014 and am currently experiencing protracted withdrawal.

 

Medication history: Vibryd, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Prozac, Xanax, Celexa, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Lamictal, Abilify, Zoloft, Trazadone, Citalopram, Effexor, Seroquel, Klonopin, Paxil, Brintellix, Protriptyline, Lexapro, Pristiq, Buspar, Clonidine, Lorazepam, Notriptyline, Hydroxyzine, Serzone.

 

Introduction: http://bit.ly/1SIxWwl.

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GardeniaBlossom

My mothers side of the family has not only denied the existence of my situation, but they attack me and tell me I need to pull myself up from my boostraps and get on with it.  I will never forget their lack of compassion, it has scarred me and I cannot ever hope to have a relationship with these people again.   Who the heck could be so cold and calculating that they abandon their own children and grandchildren?  True scumbag humans - the worst part is that I gave them my loyalty for many years and then they screwed me over when I needed it the most when I became sick. 

 

On the other hand, my fathers side of the family is just himself, but he has been much more sympathetic and has basically saved my life.  I'm very grateful for his support and I'd definitely have killed myself long ago if it weren't for him.

 

I have also experienced a similar level of denial to the one you describe. My take is that this is a reflection of a deficit on the part of people around us, an inability to empathize and the choice not to believe what cannot be seen. People believe what they cannot see all the time. In this culture, we call that faith. People believe in all sorts of unseen things but often do not accept what we describe as our own pain, in particular during withdrawal as medical science largely does not acknowledge our experiences. Again, they chose not to and/ or are unable because of their own limitations. Those include previously held beliefs about medical science which in some ways seems to have become a kind of religion. Their feelings and beliefs are not an accurate reflection of our authenticity or an appraisal of the realities of what we experience. It is cold comfort considering how vulnerable we are and how much we need support from professionals and our families, regardless of who that family consists of during this time. I believe the deficit so many of us experience while undergoing withdrawal is a call to action in the sense that we must create a chosen family when the one we have/ had in place was inadequate. I agree with you. I will never forget the lack of compassion of some members of my own family or friends during this time either. I will also remember the empathy I receive from other family members and friends. 

After being on (over 25) psychiatric meds continuously during a 16 year period, I began in July 2014 to taper off 1mg Klonopin. In September 2014, I came off Brintellix, Trazadone, Zoloft, Proprityline & Hydroxyzine in 2 weeks on my own without knowledge on how to taper properly. I've been off all psych "meds" since 10/2014 and am currently experiencing protracted withdrawal.

 

Medication history: Vibryd, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Prozac, Xanax, Celexa, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Lamictal, Abilify, Zoloft, Trazadone, Citalopram, Effexor, Seroquel, Klonopin, Paxil, Brintellix, Protriptyline, Lexapro, Pristiq, Buspar, Clonidine, Lorazepam, Notriptyline, Hydroxyzine, Serzone.

 

Introduction: http://bit.ly/1SIxWwl.

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I agree, unfortunately :(

off cold turkey:zoloft, trileptal, stratteracurrently on:<p>latuda .05 milligrams latuda (to stabilize cns) from 20 mgs 4 months ago.

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  • 4 months later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Someone posted this in the facebook group and after watching it, I think I understand why some people, even though they care about us are unable or unwilling to show empathy when we are hurting.

 

Being able to empathize with someone else means tapping into our own similar feelings temporarily and 'being with'. But what if we  don't have any inner reference point to relate to because we never experienced anything like this? Most people, I think, look for the closest experience in their own history and assume that must be what we are talking about and offer empathy or solutions for that, completely missing the mark.

 

Some people seem unwilling or unable to allow themselves to feel much of anything most of the time. If someone is disconnected from their own uncomfortable feelings in general, or puts a lot of effort into avoiding them, its unlikely they will be able to connect with them and show us empathy now, just because we suddenly need it.

 

When I gave up trying to get empathy from people who weren't capable of it, I experienced another period of loss, but letting go of the expectation that other people should be giving me what I needed turned out to be a positive thing because I've learned how to be with myself in a more empathetic way.

 

The Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy Explained Perfectly With a Simple Animation.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZwhUyZZgs0#t=64

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Moderator
manymoretodays

Yes.  Well said Petunia.  We must be very kind to ourselves.  (also just marking to watch the video later and delve into your intro.  You've always got some good stuff.)

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016. 

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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when I became very sluggish and out of it, because, unknown to me at the time, my Zoloft had pooped-out, My husband became extremely irritable and impatient with me. Eventually I figured out that it was the Zoloft (about a year later) and went off of it against my Doctors advice (who pushed me strongly to triple my dose, because of course, its not the medicine, its my ILLNESS). i got much better very quickly, but my husbands animosity has never subsided. He recently has asked for a divorce at first saying he wanted an amicable divorce, but very quickly getting a lawyer involved. Today i found out that he is using my use of and stopped use of antidepressants against me trying to get my daughter from me.

 

I would really like to know if anyone might suggest a psychiatrist who has some understanding of these problems who I might call upon if all this nastiness ends up in court. It really frightens me that if my psychiatrist was called upon, he would say that he told me so and that I should have tripled my dose. Could a judge require me to go back on Zoloft again? Could he require that I take 3X the amount in order to keep my daughter?

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Calli . Please try to not end up in court . That won't go well .  Do you have a thread , here. ?   If not , could you start one in Introductions.

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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