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I came here just to update after 3 YEARS.

APRIL 2020 I arrived to 0mg.

Remember I reduced 3mg in 3 years!!!!!!!!

WD synthoms hundred times more manageable,not bedridden. Now they come and go but windows are huge now in the order of >1month.

(I don't know if you want to call it a success story)

 

I hope I will never update this story.

Hugs to all who came across my story

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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I came here just to update after 3 YEARS. APRIL 2020 I arrived to 0mg. Remember I reduced 3mg in 3 years!!!!!!!! WD synthoms hundred times more manageable,not bedridden. Now they come a

Hi Marta-- please don't get too discouraged, this is sounding like you are getting hit by a "late breaking wave". These can happen many months after making the jump to "0" and can be very disheartenin

Hello @Marta,   Im not a mod or an expert, but to me that sounds like a sign of healing. Please, hang in there.     I have something similar, in the left under part of my he

Sadly i had a relapse of symptoms after 1yr one month after 0mg. So far they are on from ~3 weeks. Some days are very bad. No appetite,deep anxiety,no concentration. I know maybe I am screwed but i don't want to take the medication back. I hope i can update with better news.

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

Hi Marta-- please don't get too discouraged, this is sounding like you are getting hit by a "late breaking wave". These can happen many months after making the jump to "0" and can be very disheartening and frustrating. They are usually fairly short, lasting a few weeks, and often leave a person feeling better than when the wave started. Here is some more information on the post "0" experience:

 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/23081-are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take/?tab=comments#comment-492502

 

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Many thanks for the answer. I try to give myself few weeks more . (However racing thoughts just tell me i have an episode of major depression and total inappetence). 

Hugs

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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An update in case someone is reading. 

So i wait and wait in agony... 4 Nights not sleep btw i had so many auditory hallucinations... the problem is that i have to function because i have to pay the rent. I know that i can screw up but i will take a small low dose again and see ... and idk if really at some point of my life i will have the possibility to quit.

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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!!!!!!Just a question PLEASE is someone can answer. Can you experience TOTAL LACK OF APPETITE during a wave? I mean for weeks. ZERO appetite. I swallow the food just to keep me alive

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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siderale
4 minutes ago, Marta said:

Can you experience TOTAL LACK OF APPETITE during a wave? I mean for weeks. ZERO appetite.

Yes. In my case this is actually "THE" symptom saying I'm in a wave. I spent a continuous month and a half with zero appetite, 3 weeks of which were supplemented by nausea which made everything even more difficult. Appetite changes I believe are very common. They are none the less exhausting, I send you strength and can only encourage you to keep eating despite not feeling like it. It'll come back, it always does.

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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Many thanks for the answer. For me its like this exactly 20 days...(well insomnia too). I will try to give myself a bit of time more before trying a reinstatement

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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siderale

Listen to yourself Marta. I couldn't tell you what is better but if it becomes unbearable you can always take the reinstatement decision. I send you all the strength I can, and I hope things will improve for you soon!

Aug 2017 - May 2018 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. June 5 mg and then stopped. Absolutely no withdrawal symptoms.

Nov 2018 - Jan 2021 -> Escitalopram 10 mg. Jan-Feb 2021 - 5 mg, daily (1 month).  Feb-March 2021 - 5 mg, one day out of two (2-3 weeks). No withdrawal symptoms during taper.

--- Since March 13th, 2021 -> Escitalopram 0 mg.

Withdrawal appeared 8-10 days after last dose: introduction topic

Benzos occasionally: Prazepam 5mg (last intake: aug 05).

Profile image: Edward Robert Hughes' "Night"

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

PLEASE! 😫

I am quite desperate.

This "late" wave (after 13 months off!!) started around one month ago and it's quite devastating. Is it this possible?? I hoped it could last 1-2 weeks but it's one month now. Do you heard of similar experiences? How much time do you suggest me to try to hold on? I am also scared to reinstate .... 

 

If you have some kind words... :(

(I have anxiety,constant nausea, tiredness,insomnia,hard to bear any activity... luckily i am not working at the moment)

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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  • Moderator
brassmonkey

Hi Marta-- the Late Breaking Waves can be really disheartening to experience, especially when they drag on and on. They do clear up though and will leave you in a better place. I would not reinstate, it would be very risky because you've been off the drugs for so long, and any setback would take a long time to resolve. 

 

I had several Late Breaking Waves after my jump to "0". Each one to four to six weeks to resolve. Also we have many members reporting that it took that long or a bit longer for theirs to clear up. Please just roll with it as best as you can and let things settle naturally.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Mentor
Greatful

@Marta

I am sorry you are experiencing this hard of a wave after being at 0 for over a year. 

Hang in there.

Keep posting and let all that pain out 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

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@brassmonkey @Grateful

Thanks for the answers, sorry if i post again, it feels like at least i did something today.

One month and few days in this late wave.

Crazy insomnia(i sleep every night 2/3h), anxiety, depression, total lack of appetite(so scary),aches everywhere, hard to exist even.

 

No improvements now.

 

I felt the same in 2015 after 3 weeks too fast going off for the first time (unaware).

After a month I had reinstated and the wave ended quite fast...

 

Took me 5years to taper, and here we are again. Instead of 3 weeks after now it is 13month after being 0mg....

 

such a cruel cruel symmetry...

 

Now I DON'T know if there will be SOMETHING at the end if there will ever be an END. :(

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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  • Mentor
Greatful

@@Marta Are you getting any let up during the day?  Look for any signs of ease . This is probably a dumb question but are you taking Magnesium, Omega 3 or Melatonin for sleep?

 

Man I feel your pain.  I have no appetite, depression and anxiety to.  It is very wearing.

Hang in there.  Keep looking at your FREE statement on your med history.  You have made it through before, you can do it again.  

.

 

One day at a time.  I try and remind myself.  I made it through yesterday, I can make it through today and I will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  Find what ever mantra you can repeat in your mind that will give you encouragement. 

You did have a stretch of good months.  So you know it will come again‼️ 

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

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Thanks so much for the answer.

Sadly i cannot say i have any improvement, maybe in the middle of the day I get like 10% less anxious but the physical symptoms never improved.

 

I take magnesium, melatonin (1mg) fish oil no because i have truble swallowing the big pills, i have to search for a liquid. I eat(swallow down) a lot of fish.

But i am not constant i admit because i am such a mess that I don't know what i am doing.

 

I am so so sorry that you have also this total lack of appetite and the usual depression+anxiety. Only who is trying this on his own skin can understand.

I don't know if also around you people are talking about food, i cannot stand.

 

Thanks for the kind words. Yes i was prepared for the wave soon after the 0mg but i had a bearable one. Now it's so hard to accept this thing after 13 months, I wasn't prepared really to this sudden long hell. I keep seeing negative outcome journal papers.

And all report the late wave hits at around 6 weeks not at 50 weeks 😭

I am scared to search in the stories of this forum too...... 

But yes as you said, I don't have a lot of choices, just make the days pass.

 

 

 

 

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

Link to post

Hi Marta,

 

Sorry to here your struggling at the moment. Try not to be to concerned as waves do come to an end we just don’t know when. In similar situation at the moment with a intense and longer than normal wave after many months of only minor short ones and feeling really good rest of the time. The unknown is my biggest fear but nothing we can other than sit tight, try to go about our day as best we can and be gentle with ourselves and fingers crossed we are feeling better very soon.

 

You should be very proud of your journey so far.

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November.

Link to post

@Tom37thanks for the answer. I really try not to think "tomorrow it will be better" because i know i will be disappointed. That tomorrow could be so far.

I hate this unpredictable nature of waves. I was really not prepared to have such a 1 year belated wave.

But i still DO believe it's a wave because this combination of hellish feelings came exactly the SAME after my previous unaware fast taper. And I know the "bad feelings-pain" before Cipralex and they are absolutely not comparable.

Sorry for stressing this, it's hard to make people around me understand, so it's more a self talking.

 

How are you? Are parts of the day that are worse? I have a short relief of the anxiety in the midday, bure really in minutes timescale, the other synthom stay the same. Mornings of course are the worst.

I see you are still tapering or are you off already? I, too, say you should be very proud for keep going.

 

 

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

Link to post

Hey,

 

I always feel worse in the mornings especially if had a bad night then usually feel bit better in evenings. Definitely sounds like a wave but I guess it just means healing is happening and when it ends you will feel even better. I can always tell the difference between wd and natural anxiety/depression. It’s crazy how waves can affect so many different parts of you. I get sexual issues as well during them which then clear up.

 

Keep fighting.

20mg Lexapro 2007

10mg Lexapro 2012

Started tapering approx (October 2017) 12 months ago  from 10mg to 9mg then 8 then 7 then 6 then 5 then 4 then 3.

Held for approx 4 to 6 weeks min on each reduction.

Hit severe symptoms (started 7th Nov) after dropping to 3mg. Dropped to 3mg approx 22nd October.

Back to 4mg (7th November) and stabilising. Current symptoms started 23rd November 

Used diazepam (2018) 10mg 10th Nov, 5mg 11th Nov, 2.5mg 12 Nov, 2mg 13th Nov.

Used diazepam 10mg 24th Nov, 7.5 25th Nov and 5mg 26th November.

Link to post

Update. I had few hours relief here and there from the anxiety (not disappeared but bit less) and depression.

The appetite is a bit back but a lot of stomach pain.

What now makes me so scared is that even in the small windows i have this lack of emotions and so much numbness "there''? 

Please, if someone reads and have similar experience. Do you think it can get better? Could be that different syntmoms last longer in a wave? :( I am so scared i develop now after 13 months a permanent condition :(

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

Link to post
  • Mentor
Greatful

@Marta  The window is right around the corner.  You  had some small improvements there is HOPE.  Please dig down deep and find the strength to go one day at a time.  This has to pass,  you know that your brain is healing, you went so long feeling good.  

Read the success stories.  If you have already read them read then again.  Some of them are still on line, reach out to them.  

 

I want to stress to you NEVER apologize for reaching out for help and encouragement. ♥️ We are all here for you. One day you will return the listening ear to anyone of us.

Please keep talking and letting it out

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

Link to post

Hello @Marta,

 

I've read your whole thread. I am so sorry that you are still suffering, even after 13 months after coming off.

 

THe good news is that you had some hours of relief, which means you are healing. The bad news is that this f***** WD is so unpredictable that we never know when the healing Will happen. We cant even compare to other people because everyone is different, and because I think that when we are writting, we can lose some of the information. For example, right now I am thinking that none ever has experienced tiredness like me, that I am an special case and that I will never heal. But maybe other people had been in the same situation and got better. We just have to keep on fighting.

 

I Send you a Big Big hug and my best whishes for your healing,💜

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to post

@almuPA

You are so right. I also think I am a special case. And I also think it's permanent and I also diagnose myself with the worst untreatable conditions and illnesses. It's like this word "permanent" (or "chronic") gives me the panic. Like seeing a snake or something like this.

I think, if we could look at ourselves from the outside we will even laugh. How much I focus on every sensation in my body. I hate this and at the same time I cannot stop.

 

We have to love day by day sadly there is no shortcut. :(

Every moment that i have a glimpse of normal fades so fast it's so disappointing to fall back in the WD.

 

It's hard to think that it can take years ....

I send you a big hug and the patience to wait. There must be something good at some point. ❤️

 

 

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

Link to post

Update. Not good!

The small improvements are that I sleep few more hours even if i have gap in between, appetite is still a mess but some days i felt at least the hunger. 

And I have few hours where I can calm down and the weight of existence lift a bit.

 

BUT I feel strange. I don't feel myself. I am scared! I don't have emotions it's like living in a bubble. I cannot laugh or love.

 

@brassmonkey please excuse me if I bother you, in these late waves (now i am hitting the 6th week in, after 13 months off), can the lack of feelings, libido be in the package usually? 

Before it i was doing ok. Do you think there is some hope for me? 

 

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

Link to post

Hello @Marta,

 

if you are seeing improvements, I think It means that there is Hope. I know is easy saying It, but I do feel that if you had good times before, you will improve and feel better with time.

 

You are in my thoughts.

 

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to post
  • Mentor
Greatful

@Marta  Hang in there.  I can really relate to the weight of existence.  Very low moods are very stressful.  Let's tell each other we can make it through today and we will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  The waves mean our brain is healing🤗

 

  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

Link to post
  • Moderator
brassmonkey

Unfortunately pretty much every symptom you've ever had is fair game to reappear during a wave. It's what makes them so disheartening. Emotional feelings are the first thing to go and often the last to reappear for a lot of people.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to post

Small update. Soon 1 month half in the wave. Sleep improved. Appetite very small improvement. Anxiety and depression always in the background, strong but not unbearable.

Sadly emotions (hobbies,affection,hugs and kisses are nothing,love and the sexual side) totally numb, VERY hard to deal. I just keep waiting. 

 

I recalled that before the wave I had several weeks a sense of pressure and "swollen" in my head, above the neck, behind. Maybe it was a signal. Maybe no. But I clearly remember it was constant (not like the normal aches that comes and go) not painful but could not ignore it.

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

Link to post
  • Mentor
Greatful

@Marta  I am so glad that things are improving, to slow I am sure, but at least something.☺️

You are a inspiration to me.  Your drive and determination is remarkable. That depression and neg self talk can be quite trying.  

 

Hang in there❤️

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

Link to post

Hello @Marta,

 

Im not a mod or an expert, but to me that sounds like a sign of healing. Please, hang in there.

 

9 hours ago, Marta said:

recalled that before the wave I had several weeks a sense of pressure and "swollen" in my head, above the neck, behind.

 

I have something similar, in the left under part of my head. It comes and goes, but when It comes It s normally there for some days. 

 

I send you a Big hug.

March 2019: 10mg Citalopram

April 2019: 20mg Citalopram

October/November 2019(sorry, I don't remember the exact date): 10mg of Citalopram without tapering, as suggested by my pharmacist. 

March 2020: Started "tapering", taking the 10mg of Citalopram every other day, again, following the recommendations of my pharmacist. 

April 2020: Stopped taking Citalopram.

I haven't reinstall since then. I've tried taking Magnesium a couple of times, but I found out it makes me nervous. I only take Paracetemol when the headache becomes unbearable (2gr every couple of weeks or so). 

Link to post

This post is more a note to myself.

 

I am stuck....8th week and not a single sign of any emotion (plus physical symptoms are there 80%). I only had two small anger bursts towards my boyfriend out of nowhere, I didn't control them. I felt even more bad after, I committed myself to stay with him no matter what, even if I have to be in this limbo forever...I knew him at the lowest dosage and after the jump to 0mg (when I felt more myself) and I am old enough (35) to decide to commit myself to someone.

 

It's crazy:2 months ago I was so happy and in love. I scroll the old messages from me to him, they seem written by an alien now,not by me.

And the problem is not him because my hobbies,my passions,playing music,my love for my family,fun talk with friends...all gone. I wish I could have 10 seconds out of this but the more I wish it the more it hurts, everything is just a memory I cannot *recreate* any good emotion. They don't respond. I think I forgot them.

Also I can hardly recognise myself in the mirror too and I try not too look at it.

 

Still, I am sure that this is withdrawal because apart from the burning skin that this time I traded with pssd, I have *exactly* the same state I had in my previous fast taper attempt. Why my brain gave me this nice ~6 months window before throwing me in this??

 

I never expected something so severe was lurking and I think, if I would have this from day 0 it would have been much better, now after a sweet bite ot normality it's harder to handle it.

I cannot be scared or panic too, this emotions also disappeared. I just have small bursts of anger that comes out of nowhere and pure apathy, tiredness that is not related to sleep and a constant stone in my chest 24h, which makes me feel so bad and trapped.

 

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

Link to post
  • Mentor
Colonial
On 7/26/2021 at 2:28 AM, Marta said:

 

I recalled that before the wave I had several weeks a sense of pressure and "swollen" in my head, above the neck, behind. Maybe it was a signal. Maybe no. But I clearly remember it was constant (not like the normal aches that comes and go) not painful but could not ignore it.

 

I had this with such sensitivity to light they almost did a spinal tap on me to check for bacterial meningitis since I had difficulty breathing and swallowing with that wave, which was kinda serious.

It felt like my ear canals and estuation tubes were gonna explode and all my neck glands were swollen

The emotional symptoms stink but at least You know their aren't deadly but that was bad news.

I had some outbursts from the Wellbutrin WD, like you say, out of nowhere.

Sorry your wave is so bad right now.

 

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs  8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/29/21: 0.20mgs

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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  • Mentor
Greatful

@Marta  My heart breaks for you.  I have been worrying and hoping you would start to pull out of this wave. If I could, I would  change your spiritic outburst of anger for a some peace and calmness😊 

  I  can only give you encouragement to keep going.  I know after awhile that sounds like a clique,  but you know there is no other way but to move forward.  If I tell you this, than I too must practice what I preach.  All we have is to make through another day, lean on our loved ones at home and reach out and lean on your fellow SA members.

I am pulling for you♥️

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

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@Grateful many many thanks for your nice words. It's hard when you don't see a single window for most of the syntmoms and the weeks start to become months. 

Easy but terribly hard at the same time as you said ... waiting. There is not a lot more to do.

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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  • Mentor
Greatful

@Marta  How are you doing? I have been thinking about you hoping you are feeling a little better.

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

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@Grateful thanks for writing me.

I am still doing quite bad. I guess I have to accept that my real WD has started, the first wave had been just an appetizer. 

 

Improvement on physical symptom is very small, basically just the sleep (and not always) and appetite every few days of inappetence. Improvement on psychological symptoms is that i am bit calmer, but the emotional numbness is here 100%.

 

Sorry to sound gloomy, I had been too much optimistic thinking in one, one and a half month I will get over it. I am trying to organise the upcoming months knowing I will be low functioning.

 

Again, I really thank you for asking. ❤️

I feel less alone. 

All the best!

 

 

 

 

06/2012 - 02/2015 CIPRALEX 10 mg (given by GP motivation: I developed left abdomen pain for ca. 2 yr probably due to MD stress) - prior to this NOT any significant episode of anxiety/depression - on medication: emotional-sexual numbness, total inability to cry, +8 kg even with going to the gym, mild fatigue -> abdominal pain gone

02/2015 - 1/04/2015 tapering from 10 mg to 0 mg because I had enough of the numbness following GP advise

05/05/2015 SUDDENLY never-had-before huge anxiety, burning skin sensation, panic, fear, not able to cry again, never-had-before insomnia, totally lost appetite, little loss of vision in one eye, sweating, chest pain, short breath, restlessness, accelerated heartbeat 

30/05/2015 reinstated 8mg (I was suggested 5 mg here, but I had a fight with my GP that he knows better...last time I gave him credibility -__- )

middle 07/2015 general improving

09/2015 quite stable 10/2015 start tapering 7mg  11/2015 6mg  12/2015 5mg 1/2016 4mg  2/2016 4mg  3/2016 3mg ->FAIL back to 4mg AGAIN.... 8/2016 3mg 8/2017 2mg  (had a very short wave in summer '17) 8/2018 2mg stable  8/2019 1mg  1/2020 tried  ~0.6 mg 1/4/2020 0mg FREE!

7/2020 till end 9/2020 MILD WD (mostly anxiety, poor sleep)

11/6/2021 13 MONTHS OFF FULL WD WAVE (anxiety, severe insomnia, total loss of appetite, deep depression, internal restlessness, sexuality gone) trying to resist 😫

SUPPLEMENTS 2021 0.5g melatonin, magnesium, eating a lot of fish + exercise, no alcol, very low caffeine, low carb

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  • Mentor
Greatful
6 hours ago, Marta said:

I am trying to organise the upcoming months knowing I will be low functioning.

Marta, your will power and strength is so amazing.  You have encouraged me to keep up my clomping along through this mine field of fun🤪

 

6 hours ago, Marta said:

I feel less alone. 

We are never alone.  Reach out and someone will be there for you.♥️

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/24894-greatful-is-this-withdrawal-or-to-many-med-changes-at-once/

1995? Prozac,  tried several Paxil, Serzone, St John's Wart back to Prozac and Trazodone ct:d Traz

 Lexapro. Tried to stop Crash in 2015  Kindled   Hospitalized, Vybrid, Seroquel, Effexor, Abilify  Pristiq, Wellbutrin 2016  ended back on 2016  Prozac and Lamictal 200mg

5/2020  through 12/2020 taper from 20mg  Prozac  down to 3mg.  Crashed  12/13/2020 Zoloft 50mg 1/29ct  1/29/2021 Seroquel 50mg ct  Trazadone 50mg 4/25  25mg 2/5/ 2021 Lamictal 150mg.  2/24  100mg   4/9  75mg   4/21 37.5  2/12/2021 Wellbutrin 75mg.  Became hypo manic 2/16 ct

2/16/2021 Seroquel 50xr  3/3 100mg  3/17  150mg  side effects ct   4/3 2021 Lexapro 5mg  4/14  7.5mg  4/30 10mg  5/10  7.5mg   5/16  5mg

 5mg Lexapro   37.5 Lamictal   25mg trazadone,   xanax  .0625mg  3x a day   Magnesium glycinate 200mg. Omega 3 , Melatonin L Theanine 

Lexapro 2021/01/09 4.90mg  05/09  4.75mg

 

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