Jump to content

Pug: My Story including CT Twice


pug

Recommended Posts

  • Moderator Emeritus

I mean, I know I sound like a "positive thinking" d*ck, which isn't me at all. But when you're really up against the wall like this, you have to do things a bit differently. Sure, acknowledge all the sh*t, all the hopeless feelings, because you can't pretend it's not happening and you can't pretend that’s not how you feel. But be aware of the other voice saying "Don't be a f**king idiot, do you want to die here or do you want to get better, for your own sake and the sake of your kid? Because if there's even a 5% chance of that happening, you have to try and meet it halfway." Just having a thought like that in the back of your mind, however weird it feels... it's important.

 

Pug,

 

Congrats on your celebration!  You should be proud of what you have accomplished.

 

I LOVE what I quoted above.  I know you from your earlier posts and I have followed you for a while so I know that you are not a "positive thinking d*ck" which is what makes your positivity all the more compelling.

 

Your posts are inspirational to many (including me) regardless of whether you sometimes have to look in the mirror afterwards and say, "did I really jusrt post that?"

 

LOL.  :D

 

Keep fighting the fight, Pug.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

1 year ago today I took my last SSRI pill. This past year has been something I would never have imagined could happen to me or anyone for that matter. Am I still in withdrawal? Yes. Am I still suffering? Yes. Am I healing? Yes. Do I have hope for my continued improvement and complete recovery? Yes.

 

I am having some good days and some bad days; never knowing what I am going to be dealing with from day to day. But, I am improving ever so slowly that it is hard to feel and see, but it is happening. I now have much more hope going into my second year and know that it is just a matter of time until my complete recovery will happen. And I know it will happen for all of us give enough time.

 

I wish only the best for all here, hope on dark days and quick healing!

 

Now some of my favorite quotes from Baylissa:

 

If your symptoms are intense and the "What if I never get better" thoughts hover, please remember that the natural progression withdrawal takes is for the symptoms to either gradually go away or to spontaneously disappear. Everyone's journey is unique and the challenges vary, but the one thing that is consistent with this experience is that people do eventually recover and go on to live fully functional lives. YOU WILL TOO! So, dear friends, breathe through whatever is happening today, do what you can to cope, and always keep trusting that your healing is taking place and that recovery will be YOUR outcome.

 

If this was shared every day, it would still be not too often: Your withdrawal experience is just a chapter in your life. Please don’t see it as your whole life. I know that having to put all your resources & mental capabilities into coping can be all-consuming & may make it seem that this is all there is & ever will be. No, this is a challenge that will one day come to an end. Why am I so confident? Because of all the ‘good news’ emails I have received over the years from people who once thought they were literally going mad or dying, as a result of a bad withdrawal. It wasn’t always easy & for some, recovery took longer than anticipated. But inevitably, the day came when the symptoms began to disappear and, eventually, the new beginning arrived. This day will come for you too, so keep holding on… keep trusting. This, too, shall pass!

 

Please don’t despair. As bad as things are now, they won’t last. Over the years I have spoken to 1000s of people, many... of whom at some point or other were convinced they would never heal – that somehow, with such terrible symptoms, it would be impossible to get better. But they did recover and are now busy with life: family, work, holidays, etc. Dear Friends, this will happen for you too. Never underestimate the ability of the human body to heal. Your receptors are in the process of being up-regulated and when this has been accomplished, your nervous system will begin to function properly and all these terrible symptoms will disappear. So see if you can breathe through the pain and/or other symptoms and keep reminding yourself that you are going to be well again. Stay focused on the timely recovery that is on its way and this will help to keep the fear and worry thoughts at bay. Keep your chin up. You are stronger than you think and you will make it through this… just like the many before you.

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
Link to comment

That's great news! Keep that positive attitude going and it will speed things up !! Congratulations on your achievement !

Paxil start September 2003 due to Fluoroquinolone adverse reaction that I wish doc. knew what it was. 10mg. most of the time with a few short runs of 20mg. FAST tapered 3 times and finally hit poop out or a reaction to nsaid's in Nov.2013. Started a 10% taper Jan. 2014 and have been ok until Sept 14 and went through a short hell. Now plodding through and looking for the light with unrelenting insomnia and pain, fog, loss of interests....<p>12/20/14 - .8mg.

1/01/15 - .75 mg.

1/15/15 - .42 mg. better sleep now, hope it continues...

2/11-15 - .25 mg. doing really good!! 2 weeks feel 85% of old me!

3/17/15 .14 mg. Knee pain bad!

4/07/15 .05 mg. this is so small now that I am estimating and just licking it off palm small as a "." 

4/13/15 NOTHING !!!! Took my last little micro dose on 4/12/15. 

Link to comment

Pug, congrats on being a year off. I admire your positive outlook it will get you far. I wish you continued healing and the best of luck.

Celexa 20mg 2008-2012 for Social Anxiety

Failed attempt to stop reinstated

1 year taper skipping doses

Celexa free 12/2013

1/2014-5/2014 took 5 htp every other day

Failed Reinstatement 5mg of Celexa on 12/2014 for 5 days only

Link to comment

Hi Pug, Congratulations on a year  :)  You haven't been around much and I hope that's a positive sign. You say you have good and bad days. If you don't mind I would like to know how you're going on a day to day basis. How are your symptoms now? I'm similar as I never know what I'm dealing with from one day to the next .I think it might be helpful for others to know what symptoms you're coping with at 12 months out. It all sounds very positive.Well done.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

Thanks everyone for the encouragement, I appreciate it!

 

Ali, that is a great idea and something that I will start doing on a more regular basis. I have just had such a hard time with fear and panic when visiting the forum I couldn't really do much but add a brief reply. Now that those things have improved a bit, I think I can do more and that it could help me and maybe even someone else.

 

13 month update:

 

Well tomorrow is 13 completed months of recovery.  After a few months of what seemed like very slow but steady progress, month 13 has challenged me with an over month long wave of new, and returning symptoms.  My short lived pattern of 2 steps forward and 1 step back has taken 2 steps back and has really tested me.  Staying positive through this wave has been a serious challenge and I have often failed; but somehow I have continued to push on even when feeling hopeless, beaten down and defeated.

 

I have been finding solace in looking back 3 to 6 month and seeing a few things that have improved for me.  One big thing is that my overall level of fear, dread, anxiety, and the rest of those challenging symptoms seems to have stepped down a bit and that is encouraging.  It seems like they now come in waves, but are not a constant background in my life.  I have also noticed that over the last few weeks I can read negative stories and posts without having a panic attack or immediately assuming that I will have the same recovery challenges.  This is a nice change and I hope it lasts.  There may also be some slight improvements in sleep. I have noticed that I am waking with less panic and dread, although I still wake from dreaming with a rapid heartbeat and racing thoughts.  But it does seem that intensity of the alerting process and the accompanying rapid heartbeat and racing thoughts has mellowed slightly and I am making it further along in a dream before it starts happening.  Of course some nights there is not much sleep and I wake up many, many times, but I try to focus on the overall picture.  My tinnitus has even broken up and reduced for a day or part of a day on occasion.  It seems really strange when it is not present, although it is certainly a relief to not have the high tension sizzling going on.

 

My health anxiety has also improved a bit and I have discontinued all supplements, something that just a month ago would have been inconceivable, and just eat as healthy as I can.  I am still avoiding caffeine and alcohol, but have started eating gluten and sugar again in small portions.  Also, my emotions seem to be coming back on line more regularly, although they seem to fluctuate quite a bit and can be challenging to control.  I am just hoping I don’t do or say anything too stupid or damaging.

 

I have even sometimes had the “sense” that I am going to make it and that it will just be a matter of time.  For so long I have wanted to sense it, but it was more of a false hope that I used to try and stay encouraged; and I guess that is something we need to do when hope is in such short supply.  But lately when I am not struggling through the worst part of this wave, I do get that “sense” that I can do this for real and make it to the other side; and that it will be a glorious feeling to be healed and healthy once again, and free of all drugs and their effects.

 

Overall as I head into month 14 I can see some small improvements and can find myself feeling hope on more occasions.  I read success stories daily about recovery from all types of drugs and their resulting damage.  I figure it doesn’t matter what brand of hammer you use when you smash your finger, the result is still the same!  So healing from any type of drug has some similarities and a common thread just like healing from antidepressants; waiting for our brain and central nervous system to heal.  The success stories all pretty much say that time is the healer and we just have to hold on and we will heal eventually.  So that is what I am doing, holding on tight and doing my best to get through each day while the healing process happens.

 

I hope that all here will have hope and find relief and quick healing on their journey to freedom.

 

 

Here are some quotes from one of my favorite success stories posted over on BB by Albie1:

 

I report all of this not to scare you but to encourage you, because I had to think quite hard to even remember that list of symptoms. They are now that far removed from my everyday thought.

 

Also, please note that I am just a regular guy who kept putting one foot in front of the other, trying to do the right things, until sufficient time had passed to allow me to heal. I took some solace in hearing and understanding that healing from Benzos and Z drugs is not linear. And it is not. Two steps forward and one step back, sometimes even two steps back is part of the uneven path to recovery. So please take a page of encouragement from my book and realize that if I can recover from this anybody can. 

 

Most of all, however, you need to believe. Especially because quitting Benzos is far and away one of the most difficult things many of us will ever do, but trust me when I say you can do it, you will survive it, and most of all, you will recover and find a much better place, but you must have the faith of a child, blind faith to sustain yourself when common sense keeps telling you it's not working. The most important thing to remember is that if you can pass time benzo-free, somehow, anyhow, that no matter how bad you feel, you are healing even though a boatload of horrific symptoms is making you seriously doubt you can go on any further.

 

And, I just needed to let time pass. Please have faith for it is really truly true, as trite as it sounds, that time is the great healer. And you, too, will heal and become whole again.

 

So please have faith in healing, even if you don't have faith in yourself at this moment. Time does miraculous things.

 

 

.

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
Link to comment

Thank you Pug for both quotes from Baylissa and also for the success story you posted. It gave me so much hope, I am also struggling, now 5 and a half months drug free (Lyrica free) and it feels so good to get again this reassurance that it once goes away. I am glad that you are feeling healing too.

05/2013 Lyrica 100 mg / per day for pain + PGAD resulting from caesarian delivery11/2014 started to taper: 50 mg per day/ for one week then c/tafter one month reinstated at 50 mg /per days of 10 July 2015 drug free-

symptoms OCD

Link to comment
  • 5 months later...

Could we have an update Pug?

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

Link to comment
  • 7 months later...

How are you doing now Pug?

Took 10 mg of Lexapro for 15 years. Started to taper in October 2015. Took last 1mg dose in March 2016. Started having side effects end of March 2016. Symptoms include: anxiety, heart palpitations, shaky, chronic fatigue, body feels like lead(so heavy), brain fog and dizziness and really bad pain especially on right side of body. 

 

Symptoms as of 10/18/16- Burning skin, widespread body pain, some insomnia, some fatigue, some brain fog, anxiety upon waking up, numbing and tremor in pinky and ring finger on left hand, cracking/popping/stiff joints. 

 

Symptoms as of 4/19/17- A little burning skin, muscle pain, FATIGUE, some brain fog, tremor in pinky and ring finger on left hand, cracking/popping/stiff joints, blurry vision, eye floaters, sciatica.

 

Symptoms as of 10/3/17- Physical symptoms-- Very little burning skin that comes and goes, some muscle and nerve pain that comes and goes, tremor in pinky and ring finger, muscle twitches, cortisol spike in the morning(heart palpitations), cracking/popping joints all those this has gotten a little better lately, blurry vision and eye floaters that come and go, sciatica(less intense now), fatigue which is still very bad but better than a year ago. Mental symptoms-- Depression, anxiety, hopelessness, lack of motivation or interest, brain fog(trouble focusing and concentrating), ruminating thoughts. All these come and go. 

 

 

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Anyone know what happened to Pug, is he now living the good life?

Intro - 

  • On Paroxetine (Paxil / Seroxat) 20mg since 1999 (age 18). Tapered off over 8 weeks on Dr's advice 2016 - Crashed massively (acute withdrawal) September '16 and reinstated on doc's advice. Found this site and started getting real answers! Currently doing a very slow withdrawal. 

 

Taper progress - 

  • September '16 - 40mg / December'16 - 30mg / Feb '17 - 20 mg / March '17 - 18mg / April '17 - 15mg - became paranoid / May '17-  upped dose to 20mg (kindled - developed chemical sensitivities and neuropathy in legs). 2 month hold. July '17 - 19.5mg / Aug'17 - 18.5mgSept '17 - 17.5mg / October '17 - 17mg / Nov '17 - 16mg / Dec '17 - 15.5mg / Jan '18 - hold / Feb '18 - 14.5mg / April '18 - 13mg / June '18 - 11.5mg / Aug '18 - 10mg (half way hold of approx 2 months) / Nov '18 - 9mg / Dec '18 - 8mg. (tapering too fast, having anxiety / paranoia, so having a 6 week extra hold) / April 19 - still holding at approx 7.5mg

 

Points of interest - 

  • Average seroxat 20mg pill weights 0.355g 
  • Using AWS Gemini 20 scales (seem reasonable for about £20)
Link to comment

Come on Pug let us know how you doing for me it's been 2 and a half years and been in a bad way PLEASE GOD it stops soon

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...

First, my apologies for not posting a long over-due update; I am honored that folks took the time to ask how I was doing.  I am well, 90% recovered and living the "good life" that we all dream of when we are in the middle of this utter hell.  I have posted a detailed update in the success stories section here; may it be of help to you as you recover and become whole again.

 

Love,

 

Pug

20+ years of Zoloft 50-100 mg CT 03/2014 for 5 months
Back on Prozac 20 mg for 4 months CT since 11/2014
Found this forum the last day of 2014
The secret is to keep going!  Time will heal.


 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

First, my apologies for not posting a long over-due update; I am honored that folks took the time to ask how I was doing.  I am well, 90% recovered and living the "good life" that we all dream of when we are in the middle of this utter hell.  I have posted a detailed update in the success stories section here; may it be of help to you as you recover and become whole again.

 

Love,

 

Pug

Awesome news, Pug!

 

It's great to hear from someone who left for an extended period and came back close to healed.

 

Thanks for that.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Pug's Success Story topic is here pug Your miracle is coming, hang on!

 

In keeping with our tradition, I'm closing this topic now as pug goes on the next stage of his journey, please congratulate pug in his Success Story topic.

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy