divalee: 24 months off Zoloft

[divalee]

I am sorry but I could not get in to post my latest update......I signed in  added my name divalee to search and could not post

so I am sorry I am in the wrong place

 

I just wanted to know how much B12 I should take for being insufficient.....I am petrified taking anything at all.....which is the safest amount I should take to start please.  My depression is so bad now I have lost my courage....also insufficient in vitamin D  ......I just don't know what to do.....am desperate now......I am sorry.

 

Love

Lee

xxx (f)

 

[apace41]

49 minutes ago, divalee said:

 

I am sorry but I could not get in to post my latest update......I signed in  added my name divalee to search and could not post

so I am sorry I am in the wrong place

 

I just wanted to know how much B12 I should take for being insufficient.....I am petrified taking anything at all.....which is the safest amount I should take to start please.  My depression is so bad now I have lost my courage....also insufficient in vitamin D  ......I just don't know what to do.....am desperate now......I am sorry.

 

 

Nothing to be sorry about, Lee.  It's very understandable that you would feel this way.  That's why you come to SA -- a safe place.

 

I would start low as is always the best for us with compromised CNSs.

 

My suggestion, Lee, would be to find a 500mcg spray of the B-12.  Something like this would work:

 

https://www.amazon.com/California-Gold-Nutrition-Vitamin-Raspberry/dp/B01M1FR8MF/ref=sr_1_4_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1517680144&sr=8-4&keywords=b-12+spray+500+mcg

 

For the Vitamin D, you could probably start at something like 400IU and see how you tolerate it. If you have no issues, you can titrate up until you get to something like 2000IU depending on how far you need to increase the level.  Something like this would work:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Nature-Made-Vitamin-I-u-Count/dp/B004GJTGKQ/ref=sr_1_4_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1517680207&sr=1-4&keywords=vitamin+d+500

 

Importantly, Lee, I would try one of these at a time so you can isolate if you have a reaction.  Take the B-12 for 5 days and see if you are doing okay on it.  If so, add in the Vitamin D.  Either way, report back and we'll help you with next steps.

 

Good luck.  I think it will be just fine.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

[divalee]

Hello everyone

 

My update isn't very good at all.  I have lost courage and hope - there is no end to this suffering.  But day before last - in the afternoon - suddenly the waves became a window - I don't remember how if feels like to be well any more - so I don't know how much of a window this was - but my head felt clear, no light headedness, my vision was perfect and I had no anxiety and this lasted all afternoon into the night..It felt so strange -  and some hope and courage came back.  Only for the next morning the waves were there again so very bad....At least I know that windows can happen, even if it is just for half a day.  I didn't want to go to bed and prayed it will continue next day..but it didn't.

 

I have started taking my B12 and Vitamin D3 very low doses - and I am so petrified to take it - I cant blame the way I am feeling because of taking it because these symptoms are the same as I always have.....Still I am so worried about taking it.  I have tried before and failed - I just stopped taking them - but this time I am determined to give it a try...So many of my friends on face book are taking d and b12 I was amazed.    They don't know my problems because never talk about it to them.  

 

I have to say though, still no matter how bad I feel - I do what I have to do.  I went out to dig my car out of deep snow - feeling claustrophobic doing things close - if you know what I mean -  If I am making my bed, or dusting the floors, I get claustrophobic - I have to look up or walk away.  Yet I can be on the computer for hours and I don't get that feeling.  I go for groceries, to the bank, I even take an elderly lady who is 96 years old for her groceries, every Saturday. 

 

I have lost all my friends - my son died from Leukemia - two years ago.  I just had a birthday last week and now 47 years old.....my mum and dad - sister in law and brother in law have all died and young too....I had a beautiful family - Christmases were of Polish and Italian  My partner was Polish and I am Italian.  Now....no one - they have all gone....I have friends because I am or was an entertainer....I sang and weddings, parties....I inherited my mothers beautiful popular voice and my father<s tenor voice...play piano and guitar...music is my soul and my soul is music.....now I don't even play any more nor sing....nothing...All because I took Zoloft when my son was diagnosed with Leukemia - I should have known better because in life we have to face adversity - people get divorced, lose their jobs, lose a loved one, move to another city or country - they feel overwhelmed, go to the doctor and they give you SSRIs....big mistake - all of these painful situations pass - they don't last - it is part of life -  we grow from them....we learn from them.

 

I still cant believe day before yesterday - I had a window - why couldn't it have stayed - because when we have a window and have to go back to dark waves - it is even worse.   I hope the vitamins don't make me worse - I so worry about it.  But I am deficient in b12 and D and have hypothyroidism.  Some in other Paxil group said that they developed hypothyroidism while taking SSRIs.  I never had it before I started on Zoloft either - so who knows..

 

Anyway bless the  group- I don't talk to anyone about this because they just don't understand -  I have now isolated myself.  I stopped seeing friends...I will chat on the phone though and thank God for the Internet and T.V.   In May of this year I will be off Zoloft for 5 years  now 4 years and 8 months.....how much longer can one endure this.

 

Please forgive me - I don't mean to talk so much - and you all know me by now - I do not look for sympathy ever - many people are suffering like me - and I can walk solidly in their shoes and only have empathy for them - I am not the only one -  all we can do is get up every morning and do our best - and trust me...I do.....that is all we can do.

 

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

So can .....you......and ......I

 

Love

Lee (f)

 

 

[apace41]

3 minutes ago, divalee said:

My update isn't very good at all. 

 

Lee, you will, I hope allow me to beg to differ?  While your post has an awful lot of challenges recited, it also has the following:

 

3 minutes ago, divalee said:

But day before last - in the afternoon - suddenly the waves became a window - I don't remember how if feels like to be well any more - so I don't know how much of a window this was - but my head felt clear, no light headedness, my vision was perfect and I had no anxiety and this lasted all afternoon into the night..It felt so strange -  and some hope and courage came back. 

 

While I understand it feels really bad when the window shuts on your fingers, the fact remains that YOU HAD A WINDOW.  That is a statement by your body telling your mind "I still know how to do this".  As one who has never had that kind of full window where  you felt normal I would LOVE to have that feeling.  That feeling is the one that should carry you forward saying, "I will heal from all this -- I just got a glimpse."

 

You are not a negative person, Lee, but this process is so wearing that sometimes it is hard to see something monumental for what it is.

 

Take it and run with it.  Nothing will bring back your son or minimize the things you've endured, but the fact that you have evidence that your body will heal is pretty awesome.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

Thank you for your reply Andy.....Did I read right - you said  "You would love to have that feeling'  Dont you ever feel well Andy - do you have windows at all.  My prayers are with you.   You give me such courage......Yes I will remember that window - it was something to experience - Can you tell me if this is DP when I get claustrophobia when doing close work that I have to look away or walk away....I think it might be anxiety -  I dont have it on the PC though....Just wondering if anyone else experiences that too.

 

Stay well Andy and everything you wish for in life ------I wish for you too

 

Love

Lee (f)

 

 

 

[apace41]

5 minutes ago, divalee said:

Did I read right - you said  "You would love to have that feeling'  Dont you ever feel well Andy - do you have windows at all. 

 

I don't really know what a window is or looks like, Lee.  I have moments where I feel "less crappy" than others, but I can't say I've had a day where things "lifted" and I could say, "so that's what I'm going to feel like when this is over -- nice."

 

6 minutes ago, divalee said:

Can you tell me if this is DP when I get claustrophobia when doing close work that I have to look away or walk away....I think it might be anxiety -  I dont have it on the PC though....Just wondering if anyone else experiences that too.

 

I think many members get that sense of feeling "overwhelmed" suddenly by things being very close to you. I think that is more in the nature of anxiety and seems to be an outgrowth of "hyperstimulation" and something akin to a startle reflex.  I don't think I would characterize it as DP.  I do, however, think it is fairly common in anxiety/withdrawal.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

Thank you Andy - and you are in my prayers -  I know how much you are suffering -  and my heart and soul goes out to you, 

I will post again - Thank God for this group .....and you.....

 

Love

Lee 

 

[divalee]

Hello again

 

Well I tried the B12 250mcgs - this is my 7th day.  It was fine until yesterday - when this extreme tiredness was unbelievable.  This morning when I got up - again this extreme tiredness -  Not the usual tiredness I have this is totally different. 

 

So I researched Can B12 250mcgs cause tiredness - and there were so many complaining about tiredness to the extreme.  Other places would say that B12 is suppose to boost your energy and not cause tiredness.  But I am reading comments of people who just cannot take it and end up so tired and anxious on top of that......which I have today.

 

I tried very hard to take it but I am so tired to the point of exhaustion.

 

Please is there anyone who call tell me if the B12 is the cause.  

 

I am not deficient in B12 but borderline normal - 

 

In Canadian Levels and I believe the UK levels too

 

197 pmol/L     the lowest you can be before becoming deficient is  ......  156 pmol/L   to maximum  698 pmol/L

 

I want to stop taking it - I tried so hard to control my fears of taking any medication - but this tiredness is unbelievable...and many comments I read online have confirmed this. 

 

Could it be that it is affecting my Central Nervous System that is so compromised . 

 

I have an appointment with my GP on February 21st and will ask him for my annual complete blood tests. Should I stop taking it and wait for my blood work to be done?

 

I am so disappointed.  I really thought it might help these WDS  but it seems making them worse.   I had a window as I mentioned before a couple of weeks ago so this was before I took the B12.

 

I am sorry to be such a bother but I so want to be well again - I am so tried of fighting these WDs...but I don't let it stop me from doing anything, no matter how I feel I do everything.  Friday I went to the Bank, to the Pet shop, to the bakery, to the fruit store and to the grocery store with these WDs.  I do it...cry when I get back into my car.  Then drive somewhere else do what I have to do there and cry when I get back into my car.....but these WDs are not going to get the best of me....I look fear straight in the face and do it anyway....My God - I am losing hope...and courage and inner strength...but I say that only to pick myself up and keep on walking -  keep on hoping....keep the courage and inner strength...just keep on walking.

 

We all must - no matter what -  don't give up.....please.  I know some of you are worse off than me but I can walk solidly in your shoes and have so much empathy for all in this group and other groups who are suffering so much.

 

Please let me know your thoughts about the B12 -   I take nothing at all because I have also read that people who try so many vitamins, minerals, etc. to help themselves - doesn't help them at all.

 

Love

Lee

 

[apace41]

3 minutes ago, divalee said:

Please let me know your thoughts about the B12 -   I take nothing at all because I have also read that people who try so many vitamins, minerals, etc. to help themselves - doesn't help them at all.

 

Lee,

 

 

Sorry this happened.  There is, of course, no way to know if it was caused by the B-12 or was "going to happen anyway."   Any supplement can go paradoxical on us with sensitized CNSs.  Was there any improvement prior to this wave of exhaustion hitting you?  You said it was "fine" -- did that mean better than before or just the same?  

 

Either way, I'd discontinue the B-12 and see how you do over the next several days.  If it was helping you, I might be inclined to do a second trial once your body returns to a normal, non-exhausted state.   If it wasn't, I'd probably just try the Vitamin D.

 

I agree with you that there have been a lot of people in W/D who spent and wasted a lot of money on supplements, however, there are some people on the site who have derived great benefit from them as well.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

By fine I meant - as usual with WDs it is this extreme exhaustion that got me.    I never could take anything at all.  Some people can tolerate taking almost anything.  Oh yes I know people on this site derived great benefits from supplements as well, but many did not - all depends on the person

 

I had a beautiful window about two weeks ago and that was way before I took the B12....I was having so much hope -  of course the wave came back next day but at least I have some hope now. 

 

I will take your advice and stop the B12 until the non-exhausted state returns  But I am seeing my GP in 11 days so perhaps I should stop it altogether until I Have my blood levels checked. 

 

It is funny, though because on February 3rd the day before I took the B12 - I had another slight window -  I was terrible in the morning, but then in the afternoon another window....so these windows have nothing to do with the B12 at all.

 

Today I am a total wreck because so tired and worried what is causing it.  I was doing okay taking the B12 and proud of myself not to let fear get in the way until yesterday.

 

Thank you once again Andy - I will let you know how it goes.  I hope you are doing better.  I see the supplements you are taking and am please that they are helping you.

 

Love

Lee

 

[divalee]

Hello again everyone

I hesitated to post because I just have bad news all the time.  Things are much worse and it will be 5 years next month that I am off Zoloft, the only medication I ever took.

 

My symptoms and anxiety are worse than ever.  Today I was on face book and I read a link about heart attacks and I have most of those symptoms - but I have had them for years - still I panicked and symptoms went way out of proportion.  

 

I just had blood work done a month ago and everything is perfect better than ever -  My B12 has gone up to perfectly normal so has my Vitamin D - and I didn't take any meds for them. 

 

Right now these are my symptoms

 

Severe Anxiety

Panic attacks

Pins and needles in face, head, lips, tongue, neck, arms  (more than usual after reading about the heart attack)

Sensation in my head as if there were a thousand bees in there

Feeling of blocked ears.

visual disturbances

light headedness

Having digestion problems (but never had this for a long long time, )

Migraines

Night sweats (they have eased up a bit)

Tremendous fear that I am going to die

 

I use to at least have some relief at night, I still do but not as much as before. 

 

I have given up people, I have lost my courage, my hope, everything, because there is no let up - and I no longer think it is withdrawals any more - how could it be after 5 years.   Even though I have always had these symptoms - they are worse now.

 

I am going to my ENT doctor next Monday, then to my Ophthalmologist, and to a Neurologist at the end of the month.  Just to take some of the fears  I have away.  I am finding it harder and harder to go to appointments - and I always did no matter how I felt - shopping, everything...but now I am finding to do all this so much harder. 

 

Thank you for this place - it is the only place I can talk about this.   I know there is nothing you can do -

 

Maybe someone can answer me and let me know if they have any of these symptoms that I have?   Just to ease my mind a little.

 

Stay well, take good care of you.....please someone answer me if you have any of the symptoms I listed above. 

Why did it get worse -  I do have mild windows that don't last long -  even a month ago there was one afternoon.....but the waves are constant and fearful - 

 

Andy I just saw before I posted here that it is your birthday - Happy Birthday and Blessed Passover to you.

 

Much love for this group -

Lee xo

 

 

[apace41]

4 minutes ago, divalee said:

Andy I just saw before I posted here that it is your birthday - Happy Birthday and Blessed Passover to you.

 

Lee,

 

Thank you for your thoughtful wishes.  You are always so gracious even though you are suffering so intensely. I thank you for that.

 

5 minutes ago, divalee said:

I hesitated to post because I just have bad news all the time. 

 

You should NEVER hesitate to post.  We provide support on a lot of levels and asking for that is not a sign of weakness -- it is a sign of strength to know how to rely on the kindness of others.

 

6 minutes ago, divalee said:

My symptoms and anxiety are worse than ever.  Today I was on face book and I read a link about heart attacks and I have most of those symptoms - but I have had them for years - still I panicked and symptoms went way out of proportion.  

 

It is hard to do "qualitative" assessments of how things are now versus before, etc.  We see the past as better than it was and the present as worse than it is.  I do not discount the fact that you feel like crap -- I can empathize in addition to sympathizing -- it just may be that your most recent interaction with your symptoms is the strongest and freshest in your mind.

 

8 minutes ago, divalee said:

I just had blood work done a month ago and everything is perfect better than ever -  My B12 has gone up to perfectly normal so has my Vitamin D - and I didn't take any meds for them. 

 

This is good, although I know how you feel -- "find something that we can take care of so I can feel better!"

 

8 minutes ago, divalee said:

Severe Anxiety

Panic attacks

Pins and needles in face, head, lips, tongue, neck, arms  (more than usual after reading about the heart attack)

Sensation in my head as if there were a thousand bees in there

Feeling of blocked ears.

visual disturbances

light headedness

Having digestion problems (but never had this for a long long time, )

Migraines

Night sweats (they have eased up a bit)

Tremendous fear that I am going to die

 

This is a common list of symptoms for both withdrawal and anxiety.  I think you have what many of us have -- a hyperstimulated nervous system that has been triggered by the drug use and the withdrawal from the drugs.  Getting out of that state is not easy as Dr. Healy has indicated that withdrawal is an ongoing stress event meaning that it is hard (to say the least) to reduce the inner stress that exacerbates and continues the condition so long as the body is still trying to clear the drug from the blood.  How long that takes and what neural rewiring is required to overcome it will vary from person to person and, therefore, the time for recovery will vary.  

 

What do you do for relaxation techniques, Lee?  Are you involved in any sites designed to help you focus on dealing with your anxiety?  While I understand the anxiety was caused by the withdrawal, that does not mean we can't deal with it at least to a certain extent.  Looking into CBT methods to rewire the brain would be a good place to start for you.  

 

13 minutes ago, divalee said:

I have given up people, I have lost my courage, my hope, everything, because there is no let up - and I no longer think it is withdrawals any more - how could it be after 5 years.   

 

 

Don't give up, Lee.  You can never know when you are one day, one hour or one minute from meaningful change in your system taking place. You have battle fatigue.  That is understandable.  It may not be "simply" withdrawal but I'm confident that withdrawal is what set it off and is what continues to fuel the fire.  Other people have been symptomatic for 5 years and gone on to recover.  I'm pretty sure Alto's history falls into that category.

 

15 minutes ago, divalee said:

Maybe someone can answer me and let me know if they have any of these symptoms that I have?   Just to ease my mind a little.

 

Everybody's symptom set is a little different.  I can tell you I have had or have Severe Anxiety, Pins and needles, light headedness

digestion problems, fear that I am going to die (tremendous is too relative to determine).

 

I also have fun little creatures like:

 

Dizziness

Derealization

Shooting pains in the chest, back, legs

Depression that comes and goes

 

And I could add more to the list. 

 

The point is that you are not alone.  And, while they have not been as long as we'd like, you have had windows.  That is huge.  I'd kill for a "real" window rather than a "modestly less sucky moment or two".  None of this is to make you feel sorry for me.  Rather, it is to say to you that even though you feel isolated and that you are unique in how this is affecting you, it is not entirely true.  

 

I have every reason to believe you will heal.  It will just take longer than we hoped.

 

I hope that provides even a modicum of help.

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

[direstraits]

Hi divalee,

I'm so sorry to read how much you still suffer after almost 5 years off.

you're not alone...I'll be 4 years off next month and still have a lot of symptoms.( many that you have)

I know how worn down you can get....it's beyond comprehension.

 

we just have to keep believing that we will heal one day...because we will!

 

just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and sending big hugs your way.

 

much love,ds

xxx

[divalee]

To Andy

Thank you so much for this Andy - it gave me a spark of hope again....You always come across for me and say the right words.  I should not wait so long to come here, it did lift my hope somewhat.  I had to go to the drug store, it was difficult but I did it - One day Andy, this too will pass.....and one day all of it will pass for you to Andy.  I see how you are still suffering too - and yet you help so many people.

 

Thank you so very much - this is what this group does - it lifts us up.  You mean Alto suffered longer than 5 years - does she still come to the group, or is there a place i can read about her.

 

Stay well Andy and all that you wish for.....I wish for you too.

Love

Lee xxxx

 

 

[divalee]

Hello Direstraits

 

You are off 4 years and still suffering too - I can solidly walk in your shoes - I am so sorry.   I am also thinking of you too - and will pray for all of us to get through this.....We must keep our courage and hope - and you and Andy have given me a spark of hope again.  Thank you so much

 

And all that you wish for.......I wish for you too.

Love

Lee (f)

 

[apace41]

14 minutes ago, divalee said:

You mean Alto suffered longer than 5 years - does she still come to the group, or is there a place i can read about her.

 

I believe she did.  Yes, she's still here and all of this is her "baby".  Without her guidance we would never have had SA and all the good that it has done for so many people.

 

All the best, Lee.

 

Andy

[divalee]

 

Oh yes I know she is the owner of this group - I will try to find her posts.  

 

thank you again

Love

Lee

[Rosetta]

This is Altostrata's story

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/49-☼-about-altostrata-withdrawal-syndrome-since-2004/

 

Peace, Rosetta

[divalee]

Rosetta thank you for taking the time to do this for me.  I will read it. 

 

I hope you are doing well -  are you free of symptoms you have been off Zoloft for over a year now...Are you doing okay?

 

Love

Lee (f)

[Rosetta]

Sadly, no, but I see improvement.  I have cortisol surges, anxiety, muscle stiffness, difficulty sleeping at times, issues with digestion, and a lot of trouble with PMS.  I have improved dramatically since early December, but there is a fair amount of distress as I have very short windows.  I call it ping ponging.  I'm still trying to learn how to let my system calm down after it is perturbed.  I have a six year old who is both an enormous blessing and a source of stress for me.  I am learning to choose what upsets me and ignore what isn't important.  It's very tough, but I'm sure it will be invaluable once I get a handle on the matter.

 

Would you be willing to write an update post describing all the symptoms you have left behind and those that you still have?  I would love to see a synopsis of your journey.  

 

Here's an article I read today that is about bi-polar disorder, but is very useful for WD related activation of flight or flight response:

 

https://www.madinamerica.com/2018/04/how-the-human-stress-response-explains-away-bipolar-disorder/

 

I hope you see improvement soon.  It could be soooo close!

 

Yours,

Rosetta

[divalee]

Hello Rosetta

 

I am here right now with full blow anxiety - all day - everything seems to be getting worse - I use to be able to go to my appointments even though WDs now I don't think I can any more - this is so frightening.  Maybe it seems worse because I am not getting any better and my hope is gone so now I just have these terrible anxiety.  My head never clears, buzzing, pressure, pins and needles light headedness - the works.  If my head were clear I think I would be able to cope better.

 

My fear is at its max...no hope...nothing.

 

But here is what you asked for.

 

What I have now is and has never gone away since beginning - I should say I had windows though and had more before than I do now....now they don't come very often any more.

Head pressure

Light headedness

pins and needles, face, head, lips, tongue

pins and needles arms and feet too

Pressure across bridge of nose

ears feel blocks (they are not)

Night sweats *

Severe anxiety

Panic attacks

Crying much of the time

visual disturbances

Wake up in morning very high anxiety and crying - use to be better by now worse

Used to feel a lot better when night time comes, but now not as good as before

Really bad depression (who wouldn't have depression with constant suffering)

 

But maybe all worse because I have no more hope - and what is the use any more, you know  I am so scared - I thought I was progressing - but indeed I am not.....

 

What I don't have any more

Indigestion

Leg pain

Sciatic pain

 

So there you have it and doing this with much anxiety but wanted to answer this.

 

Thank you this Group - you are very much appreciated. 

 

Stay well -

Love

Lee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[wantrelief]

 

Hi Lee - I am so sorry you have felt badly for such a long time.  You have been so strong.  I came across this video yesterday and found it helpful/hopeful.  I hope you find some hope in it.  

[DaveB]

1 hour ago, wantrelief said:

 

Hi Lee - I am so sorry you have felt badly for such a long time.  You have been so strong.  I came across this video yesterday and found it helpful/hopeful.  I hope you find some hope in it.  

This was very helpful to me wantrelief, thank you!

[Rosetta]

6 hours ago, divalee said:

What I have now is and has never gone away since beginning - I should say I had windows though and had more before than I do now....now they don't come very often any more.

Head pressure

Light headedness

pins and needles, face, head, lips, tongue

pins and needles arms and feet too

Pressure across bridge of nose

ears feel blocks (they are not)

Night sweats *

Severe anxiety

Panic attacks

Crying much of the time

visual disturbances

Wake up in morning very high anxiety and crying - use to be better by now worse

Used to feel a lot better when night time comes, but now not as good as before

Really bad depression (who wouldn't have depression with constant suffering)

 

But maybe all worse because I have no more hope - and what is the use any more, you know  I am so scared - I thought I was progressing - but indeed I am not.....

 

What I don't have any more

Indigestion

Leg pain

Sciatic pain

 

So there you have it and doing this with much anxiety but wanted to answer this.

 

Thank you this Group - you are very much appreciated. 

 

Stay well -

Love

Lee

 

Oh, Lee, I'm so sorry you are suffering this way.   I wish I had some way to help.  I'm sure any suggestion would seem inadequate as I'm sure you have tried everything imaginable.  Do you still drink coffee?  It would be ridiculous I suppose if it were that simple, but it's all I can think of -- coffee, sugar and Internet use all have affects on the brain.  They have all been very difficult for me to avoid.  I feel worse every time I use this iPad or my phone.  My jaw gets tight, I have tingling and pins and needles in my tongue and face and tremors in my eye.  I've been testing my theory on this and it's pretty clear that these symptoms are increased by viewing the screen and writing.  I'll be thinking of you.

 

Peace, Rosetta

[divalee]

On ‎03‎/‎04‎/‎2018 at 1:42 PM, direstraits said:

Hi divalee,

I'm so sorry to read how much you still suffer after almost 5 years off.

you're not alone...I'll be 4 years off next month and still have a lot of symptoms.( many that you have)

I know how worn down you can get....it's beyond comprehension.

 

we just have to keep believing that we will heal one day...because we will!

 

just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and sending big hugs your way.

 

much love,ds

xxx

Direstraits - would you mind telling me the symptoms you have I know you said you have many of what I have but it would help me to know what they are.  I am sorry to ask and if you don't feel like it - it is absolutely okay.  Just that somehow it helps me.

 

Yes I will try to keep in mind that we will heal one day -  thank you so much

The visual disturbances and my head pins and needles and my face too and the anxiety is so terrible -

I don<t know what I would do without this group -

 

Thank you

Love

Lee

If Happy Little blue birds fly

Beyond the Rainbow

So can.......you.....and.......I

 

[direstraits]

Hi Lee,

I don't have the tingling in my  head or face but my lower legs and feet.do you get any burning skin? I get that in my feet ,arms,sometimes hands and back ,it comes and goes.

I get severe anxiety,light-headed,off balance,anxiety upon awakening,crying spells.

I don't know what's going on w/ my vision,I see much clearer since cataract surgery but my eyes still aren't right.

It's hard to explain but things just don't look right and they burn and sometimes I feel like I have light sensitivity and I have trouble keeping them open. I use drops for dryness but don't know how much they're helping.

and I do get a strange feeling on the bridge of my nose lately.not really pressure,again hard to describe...ugh

 

thankfully,I really don't feel depression anymore.

still a lot of fatigue and inner restlessness though.

 

love that song

xx

 

[divalee]

Thank you for your response Direstraits.

 

I hope we will all be free of these symptoms -  we will - this too will pass.  I am very depressed because of these symptoms that wont let up - or else I would not be depressed either - but they are making me suffer so much.

 

All here in this group are in my prayers.

 

Hallelujah......Hallelujah........Hallelujah......Halle....luuuuu...jah

Love

Lee

 

[divalee]

20 hours ago, DaveB said:

This was very helpful to me wantrelief, thank you!

Thank you very much - DaveB - it has given me some hope again - some courage back again...

I will listen to this video thank you so much.......yes it was the hope that I lost - I must get it back

Much Love

Lee (f)

[divalee]

Hello Everyone

 

Well I went to my ENT doctor yesterday to rule out things that I was worried about.  He has been my doctor for a long time and a very nice man.  He knows about the loss of my Son and also about my withdrawal. 

 

I told him that I was worried something wrong with my ears because I have pins and needles in my head, face, neck, lips and tongue as well as pressure in my ears.  He looked in my ears and said they were perfect - no accumulated wax at all and very healthy looking.  Then he looked at my sinuses and the were also  perfect.  Then he took a silver thin looking spoon and looked down my throat....nothing.  So then he started talking to me and he said that severe anxiety the way that I have tightens the muscles in your head so much that you get the sensation of all that you have described.  Muscles everywhere in your body tighten up and you can have pins in needs in your arms and feet too, which I do have too.

 

He believes me about the WDs and he told me that he knows that anxiety is one of the symptoms of WDs -  He asked me what I do to help myself.  I told him that I went for Mindfulness every Saturday with a very good doctor friend of mine at his house.  There are only 4 of us - him, his wife, me and another friend of his.  He thought that was wonderful because when at mindfulness we do not talk about the past, nor the future, but just to concentrate in what we are doing.

 

We do mind games, we meditate, we do passive exercises to music ( Dr M said never do extreme exercise because it challenges your central nervous system when it is compromised like mine is.  He has a beautiful singing voice as well....He can tell when I walk in there how anxious I am feeling - and when too anxious - we sing - and sing and that brings my anxiety right down.  Music is my heart and soul...and my heart and soul is music. 

 

My ENT doctor was very happy that I am doing this.  He reminded me that all these symptoms are from WDs and anxiety and the WDs become worse when the anxiety hits the roof.

 

I felt so much better when I left there - and as bad as I was feeling - I decided to go to the Bank, to the Pet Shop, to the bakery to get my crusting bread, to the fruit store and then to the grocery store all the while anxiety so high but did it anyway.  Then I had to take bags and bags of groceries up the outside stairs and the inside stairs having to do it 4 times.   After putting everything away I had my lunch - well suddenly got so exhausted because after eating you feel about tired anyway. 

 

What I want to say here is - this morning woke up so tired it was unbelievable - So Dr M and my ENT doctor Is right - I exerted my self so much that the end result was this extreme tiredness.  Does anyone agree with that.  My central nervous system just hit the roof.

 

I said to myself - okay I am going to try to not be so anxious - had motivation to try.  Well it isn't that easy because my symptoms are so bad - I try not to be frightened because these are only symptoms. 

 

So now that I have seen him - I will go to my ophthalmologist to rule out the distorted vision and blurred vision I have.   I know he will find nothing as he didn't before, but I am going through this whole thing again just for peace of mind....again.

 

I have an appointment on April 24th to see a neurologist for my migraines and then that will be it - if nothing wrong I just have to make up my mind that these are withdrawals the long list of symptoms I have.

 

I only hope that what we all say here............This too will pass.......that I will believe it and have my hope and courage back again.

 

Thank you for listening.  I know this is long

Love

Lee

 

[apace41]

13 minutes ago, divalee said:

What I want to say here is - this morning woke up so tired it was unbelievable - So Dr M and my ENT doctor Is right - I exerted my self so much that the end result was this extreme tiredness.  Does anyone agree with that.  My central nervous system just hit the roof.

 

Lee,

 

Have you ever seen this off of my thread:
 

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the etiology of the symptoms that arise in withdrawal and I intend, when I can find the time, to write a description of what I see as the process (not for all but for many of us) and I think that anxiety plays a major role.  It is not the anxiety that you or I would commonly think of, i.e., the "ooh, that's a scary thought -- I'm anxious."  Rather it is the anxiety that arises when the CNS gets hyperstimulated from some perturbation which can range from seeing a traumatic event or being exposed to a toxic agent or, in our case, having spent time on psych meds and then trying to come off them.

 

Spend some time on anxietycentre.com and you will see the range of symptoms resulting from excess stress on the body.  It is longer than the list we have on SA.  There is an overlap for many of us.  I think you have a very good doctor.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

Andy I am so pleased that you have confirmed this - I saved the link you sent me here to my favourites...

 

So they are right - and so have you been for a very long time.  Yes I am lucky I have two super doctors who believe me and believe in me. 

 

Thank you for answering me..... I have to beat this thing and one way is to have this knowledge to help us understand.

 

Bless you Andy

Love

Lee

 

[apace41]

45 minutes ago, divalee said:

So they are right - and so have you been for a very long time.  Yes I am lucky I have two super doctors who believe me and believe in me. 

 

Yes, very.   My view on all of this is that much of the crazy symptoms we experience are the result of extreme stress on the CNS that places us in perpetual "fight or flight" so that the body is constantly releasing cortisol and other stress hormones.  The fear that is created by the symptoms creates more anxiety and results in the release of more hormones, etc.  A vicious cycle of sorts.  The things that typically help to reduce stress like relaxation techniques, etc. are marginally useful in withdrawal because much of the reaction that we have is chemical in nature and not simply the result of controllable bad thoughts.  Thus, the time it takes to heal is, for many of us, very long and challenging.  When the cascade of hormones and stress lowers over time the body can control things better and the symptoms will slowly start to abate. 

 

That's the way I see this all fitting together, Lee.  Whether or not it's 100% accurate on the details is not of concern to me.  It fits together nicely so I'm working on the assumption that it is, in fact, what is going on for me.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

Andy you said:

3 hours ago, apace41 said:

ave been spending a lot of time thinking about the etiology of the symptoms that arise in withdrawal and I intend, when I can find the time, to write a description of what I see as the process (not for all but for many of us) and I think that anxiety plays a major role.  It is not the anxiety that you or I would commonly think of, i.e., the "ooh, that's a scary thought -- I'm anxious."  Rather it is the anxiety that arises when the CNS gets hyperstimulated from some perturbation which can range from seeing a traumatic event or being exposed to a toxic agent or, in our case, having spent time on psych meds and then trying to come off them.

 

I am looking forward to you writing about this.   I think you are spot on.  

 

Lee xx

 

[divalee]

Hello Everyone

 

I am taking Andy's advice and am posting again - He told me never to think I cannot post for fear everyone will get fed up with me.

 

I am having a terrible time.  Things have just gotten worse and I don't know why.  I mean the WD symptoms are the same but the anxiety and panic attacks are there now all the time - and the fear of dying.  I use to have some relief at night, but not any more.

 

Has anyone gone this far in withdrawals next month 5 years and have gotten worse.  I have done everything to help myself.  I do everything I have to do like everyone else but now it is getting more and more difficult.  I dread appointments, I know I will go anyway and I pray that I don't lose it when I am there.  The thing that has gotten worse is the light headedness - 

 

I don't know what else to say - but thank you for this group....I am totally alone.  I have isolated myself from all my friends except two one lives in England the other in Australia, messaging from facebook.   One cousin here I speak to on the phone but he knows nothing.  I pretend to my friends in England and Australia that everything is great.  I never complain.  I have learned that you lose friends when you do that - not that they mean too, it is just after a while they just can't cope with you any more.

 

I have lost my mother, father, brother and son Jamie - I never minded being alone - I am a loner and enjoyed my own company - it isn't the loneness - it is the fear of being alone feeling like this . 

 

I certainly do not want to go on any SSRIs that"s for sure.  Anyway after being off for 5 years I heard it can be very dangerous to go on them again.  I never ever took anything but Zoloft - but took it for 6 years at 150mgs a day.  Going off took me a year and a half but that was too quick because Zoloft only comes in capsule form here 25, 50 and 100mgs...so I had to taper 25mgs at a time although I stayed on 25mgs for 4 months and then another 25 for 4 months, and so on.  Still that was too much of a drop.

 

Why am I getting worse.  Just a couple of months ago I thought I was getting better when I had a couple of brief windows.  Suddenly I am going down hill -  I am afraid to die - then I say to myself everyone dies - and if Jamie wasn't afraid then I shouldn't be.  The thoughts I have are so frightening. 

 

I looked forward to going to bed at night because nights I always had some sort of reprieve from all of this .  Now I don't look forward to nights because there is no let up even then.  Well there is some let up but not much, but when in bed I wake up thinking such horrible thoughts and in the morning I wake up around 5 oclock forcing myself to stay in bed til at least 6 with terrible anxiety thinking how am I going to get through the day.   I am only 47 years old...

 

Maybe I shouldn't say this but my father left me very well with money, so not being able to work is okay. 

 

I don't know what else to say - except why am I getting worse....is this the pattern, is this how it works....is the rubiks cube still not done yet.  I want to scream to you........please help me.......but what is the use in that.....no one can help me but me -

 

Thank you for listening.....

Love

Lee

 

 

 

 

[Kostas]

31 minutes ago, divalee said:

Hello Everyone

 

I am taking Andy's advice and am posting again - He told me never to think I cannot post for fear everyone will get fed up with me.

 

I am having a terrible time.  Things have just gotten worse and I don't know why.  I mean the WD symptoms are the same but the anxiety and panic attacks are there now all the time - and the fear of dying.  I use to have some relief at night, but not any more.

 

Has anyone gone this far in withdrawals next month 5 years and have gotten worse.  I have done everything to help myself.  I do everything I have to do like everyone else but now it is getting more and more difficult.  I dread appointments, I know I will go anyway and I pray that I don't lose it when I am there.  The thing that has gotten worse is the light headedness - 

 

I don't know what else to say - but thank you for this group....I am totally alone.  I have isolated myself from all my friends except two one lives in England the other in Australia, messaging from facebook.   One cousin here I speak to on the phone but he knows nothing.  I pretend to my friends in England and Australia that everything is great.  I never complain.  I have learned that you lose friends when you do that - not that they mean too, it is just after a while they just can't cope with you any more.

 

I have lost my mother, father, brother and son Jamie - I never minded being alone - I am a loner and enjoyed my own company - it isn't the loneness - it is the fear of being alone feeling like this . 

 

I certainly do not want to go on any SSRIs that"s for sure.  Anyway after being off for 5 years I heard it can be very dangerous to go on them again.  I never ever took anything but Zoloft - but took it for 6 years at 150mgs a day.  Going off took me a year and a half but that was too quick because Zoloft only comes in capsule form here 25, 50 and 100mgs...so I had to taper 25mgs at a time although I stayed on 25mgs for 4 months and then another 25 for 4 months, and so on.  Still that was too much of a drop.

 

Why am I getting worse.  Just a couple of months ago I thought I was getting better when I had a couple of brief windows.  Suddenly I am going down hill -  I am afraid to die - then I say to myself everyone dies - and if Jamie wasn't afraid then I shouldn't be.  The thoughts I have are so frightening. 

 

I looked forward to going to bed at night because nights I always had some sort of reprieve from all of this .  Now I don't look forward to nights because there is no let up even then.  Well there is some let up but not much, but when in bed I wake up thinking such horrible thoughts and in the morning I wake up around 5 oclock forcing myself to stay in bed til at least 6 with terrible anxiety thinking how am I going to get through the day.   I am only 47 years old...

 

Maybe I shouldn't say this but my father left me very well with money, so not being able to work is okay. 

 

I don't know what else to say - except why am I getting worse....is this the pattern, is this how it works....is the rubiks cube still not done yet.  I want to scream to you........please help me.......but what is the use in that.....no one can help me but me -

 

Thank you for listening.....

Love

Lee

 

 

 

 

Hi Lee, 

I'm very sorry for the way you feel and the loss you have experienced! 

I'm also five years off my last citalopram dose, been taken it for 13 years. 

I was gradually weaned off during a period of 6 years with no withdrawal symptoms during tapering, and for 3 years after being off. 

However mild withdrawal symptoms, phychosomatic ones , appeared after 3 years! 

They lasted for one more year, and gradually lessend, being barely noticeable now, and functional 90%.

I am also a loner, but with a fairly good family cycle, and I cope well at the moment. 

I strongly believe, that the withdrawal is only part of your problem, and you possibly need counseling to face the withdrawal trauma now, and the losses of past years. 

At the moment I think that you are stuck in the feelings of the trauma, and with the proper counsel you could get out of this vicious cycle. 

Please take care of yourself, you deserve it!

[powerback]

52 minutes ago, divalee said:

Hello Everyone

 

I am taking Andy's advice and am posting again - He told me never to think I cannot post for fear everyone will get fed up with me.

 

I am having a terrible time.  Things have just gotten worse and I don't know why.  I mean the WD symptoms are the same but the anxiety and panic attacks are there now all the time - and the fear of dying.  I use to have some relief at night, but not any more.

 

Has anyone gone this far in withdrawals next month 5 years and have gotten worse.  I have done everything to help myself.  I do everything I have to do like everyone else but now it is getting more and more difficult.  I dread appointments, I know I will go anyway and I pray that I don't lose it when I am there.  The thing that has gotten worse is the light headedness - 

 

I don't know what else to say - but thank you for this group....I am totally alone.  I have isolated myself from all my friends except two one lives in England the other in Australia, messaging from facebook.   One cousin here I speak to on the phone but he knows nothing.  I pretend to my friends in England and Australia that everything is great.  I never complain.  I have learned that you lose friends when you do that - not that they mean too, it is just after a while they just can't cope with you any more.

 

I have lost my mother, father, brother and son Jamie - I never minded being alone - I am a loner and enjoyed my own company - it isn't the loneness - it is the fear of being alone feeling like this . 

 

I certainly do not want to go on any SSRIs that"s for sure.  Anyway after being off for 5 years I heard it can be very dangerous to go on them again.  I never ever took anything but Zoloft - but took it for 6 years at 150mgs a day.  Going off took me a year and a half but that was too quick because Zoloft only comes in capsule form here 25, 50 and 100mgs...so I had to taper 25mgs at a time although I stayed on 25mgs for 4 months and then another 25 for 4 months, and so on.  Still that was too much of a drop.

 

Why am I getting worse.  Just a couple of months ago I thought I was getting better when I had a couple of brief windows.  Suddenly I am going down hill -  I am afraid to die - then I say to myself everyone dies - and if Jamie wasn't afraid then I shouldn't be.  The thoughts I have are so frightening. 

 

I looked forward to going to bed at night because nights I always had some sort of reprieve from all of this .  Now I don't look forward to nights because there is no let up even then.  Well there is some let up but not much, but when in bed I wake up thinking such horrible thoughts and in the morning I wake up around 5 oclock forcing myself to stay in bed til at least 6 with terrible anxiety thinking how am I going to get through the day.   I am only 47 years old...

 

Maybe I shouldn't say this but my father left me very well with money, so not being able to work is okay. 

 

I don't know what else to say - except why am I getting worse....is this the pattern, is this how it works....is the rubiks cube still not done yet.  I want to scream to you........please help me.......but what is the use in that.....no one can help me but me -

 

Thank you for listening.....

Love

Lee

 

 

 

 

Hi divalee my heart goes out to you ,I'm glad you posted your among friends here ,I'm in the protracted withdrawl camp and its not a nice place to be .

Please take great care with yourself ,do you know of baylissa,com  ,you mite find her site helpful also .

You don't need to be disclosing your finances but this is a position that is more helpful than a hindrance that's for sure ,just be very careful when your vulnerable and guard yourself .its so annoying this long out and you are suffering ,I had a particularly bad day today myself .doe your best to get some fresh air and sun ,the sun has done a runner here in Ireland ,I hope to see it soon .

Take great care.

Powerback .