divalee: 24 months off Zoloft

[divalee]

Hi Andy I didn't know where to post this as I didn't want to start a new topic ......

 

Hello everyone

I have not been here for quite a while for the simple reason - I have nothing happy to tell you.

　

I hesitate to post because each one of you are struggling and wanting and hoping for some good news from us to help you make it through the day.

　

I have nothing to say that will do that for you. I know we are all different and I think my case is not the usual - still I dont want to frighten anyone and I dont want you to lose any hope -

　

I want you to keep on being strong, have inner strength - and never, ever give up hope.

　

As bad as things are for me - I still do, as some of you know, all the things I must do during the day - no matter how I feel - and somehow make it through the day -

　

So take care all of you, things do get better for many many of us - so don't despair...

Love, Lee (f)

 

　

[apace41]

Lee,

 

I'm sad to hear this.  I remember when you had that little window for a day or two and I was so hopeful that would be the turning point for you.  I still believe you will heal and can't wait to hear from you when you start to see real improvement.  There are stories of people in your situation who recovered after 7, 10 and 12 years that I am aware of and expect you to be one of them.

 

With great care and concern,

 

Andy

[divalee]

Andy my dear friend

I want to write a lot trust me - but I do not want to discourage anyone - I was hoping some day I would see some improvement - but all just gets worse - I do have a couple of hours at night of relief and thankful for that - I have so much to say, but afraid to discourage people...

 

I hope you are doing well 

Lee 

xo

 

[apace41]

5 minutes ago, divalee said:

I have so much to say, but afraid to discourage people...

 

Lee,

If you need to unload and don't want to burden others, feel free to PM me. I"m happy to listen and do what I can to help you keep your spirits up.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

Thank you for the offer = will do when I get it all together - Thank you Andy

Lee

xo

[divalee]

Andry are you well now - or are you still struggling - please let me know here - I wonder how you are doing as well

 

[Rozon1]

Divalee, I wish you healing. I’m currently three months off Effexor . Have considered reinstating as the anxiety is high. I also have a daughter I’m trying to push through for. It’s been tough so I understand. If you ever want to PM me, feel free. I’d love to hear more about your experience. 

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you, Divalee.  I’m glad you get some rest in the evenings.  I know exactly how important it is to push through for one’s child.

Rosetta

[RachelSusan]

Divalee,

 

I am very sorry to read that you are still suffering, but I am glad that you decided to come back and post. Thinking of you and desperately hoping that you see some improvement. This is a terrible ordeal to have to go through.

[apace41]

17 hours ago, divalee said:

Andry are you well now - or are you still struggling - please let me know here - I wonder how you are doing as well

 

Unfortunately, Lee, I'm not healed.  I think I see some improvements, but when I'm in a wave I would dispute that vigorously.  I think I'm having more good moments than I did a few years back, but the progress is very slow and challenging.

 

Having become way more deconditioned, I'm finding working out to be much more difficult for me so I'm trying to adapt and do more "gentle" exercise.

 

In short, still very much a work in progress and I'm continuing to hold at 12.5mg of sertraline in the hopes that I can fully stabilize and worry about the the last phase of tapering after that.

 

Thanks for asking.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[apace41]

Hi, Lee.  This was posted today in case you didn't see it:

 

HappilyDerailed From heaven to hell, and back

7.5 years ago I was in college and suffered a major panic attack preceding public speaking. Before this my life was GREAT. My doctor recommended both EFFEXOR and XANAX.  I dont know exactly when, but sometime around two years on both meds I began to feel incredible darkness. Not just any darkness, darkness void of EVERYTHING. I then decided to wean from both. The next five years were the most grueling years of my life. I tried to commit suicide early on twice and ended up in a psych ward for 3 months.    I went almost FOUR YEARS feeling NO IMPROVEMENTS   My symptoms consisted of ANHEDONIA (no pleasure, no anything. Along with no libido), near endless insomnia, chronic fatigue, a feeling of disconnected-ness. My mind was trapped on repeat. Repetitive thoughts, obsessions, past, future. Etc   Today Mark's 5 years and 11 months. I feel INCREDIBLE! There's still some ups and downs, but I'm ALIVE again! I can walk around with a smile on my face and truly appreciate life. My nickname was "smiles" before this happened because I always had this feeling of understanding and appreciation towards life. I feel that again. I dont know how I lost this. But I'm forever grateful for this experience. It taught me alot about myself. Hopefully this can offer someone hope. I remember very well the hopelessness    I was taking 150 MG of Effexor XR and 2mg of Xanax per day    It made me think of you.   Keep hanging in there.   Best,   Andy

[divalee]

Hello Everyone

 

I am hoping everyone is okay and staying safe with this corona virus -  Please let us know how you are all doing, and know that this group is always in my prayers, even though I am not posting ..

 

I am having a terrible time - more than ever before -  and I think I am stuck in anxiety rather than withdrawals - but I have the same symptoms as I had from the beginning when  went off Zoloft.  Now they seem to be stuck in me - and as I see myself not getting any better and much worse - I am losing my courage.  I worry about my eye sight all the time and my eyes are fine...they become blurry, cloudy, distorted - and Ophthalmologist said it is because I have tremendous anxiety all the time and it can affect your vision.

 

Eye Problems, Vision Anxiety Symptoms – anxietycentre.com

 

Those who are having vision problems if you go to the above, you will see what anxiety can do to your vision.  It is an excellent read.

 

Thing is I have had vision problems from the beginning  when I went off Zoloft .  I never had vision problems before that.  So what is it now, Anxiety or still withdrawals.

 

I am 6 and a half years off Zoloft - and just seems like I am getting worse, not better.  But this is very strange.  At night my symptoms lift markedly.   Mornings are a night mare for me - but 3 weeks ago I had to go to the garage to get the heater in my car replaced and had to be there for 9 am -  I don't know what happened that day, but hardly any anxiety, my vision was good and I stayed there waiting for my car for 2 and a half hours with no anxiety.  

 

But next day all came back with a vengeance and hasn't let up since - BUT still at night I get some reprieve from it. 

 

I pray and cry every time I have to go out , be it for groceries, bank, appointments -  but I go - and persevere always.  But now it seems to be getting worse and more challenging .  I know I will do what I have to do....but now scared that I might lose my courage.

 

Please tell me your stories - I don't know if any of you are going through the same, but please tell me if you are - so that we can give, courage, inner strength and speranza to each other...xoxo

 

Stay well all of you -  be safe - and walk with one foot in front of the other....no matter what. 

 

I should add here my other symptoms....Pins and needles face, pressure bridge of nose, pressure head, migraines, night sweats,  severe anxiety and panic attacks, my head is never clear, very seldom.......pressure in ears...nothing wrong with ears.... wake up in a panic every morning.....xoxo

 

Much love

Lee (f)

 

 

[RachelSusan]

Hi Divalee,

 

It's nice to see your post. It's not nice that you are still suffering.

 

I'm still tapering and do have symptoms every time I taper but over all I am doing better.  I hope that you eventually get some relief too.

 

RS

[apace41]

46 minutes ago, divalee said:

At night my symptoms lift markedly. 

 

Hi, Lee.  

 

I'm safe and keeping away from people as best as I can.  Working remotely and basically hunkering down with my family.  If not for the withdrawal I'd probably be drinking heavily!

 

I know you are sick of me saying positive things and sounding like "Nero fiddling as Rome burned" but the quoted statement is very positive.  You are seeing some healing.  Yes, it's been slower than for many others but that doesn't mean it is not happening.

 

Your anxiety is a MAJOR contributor to what you are feeling and it is very hard to distinguish what symptoms are from withdrawal and what come from that anxiety.  Since you've taken my earlier advice 😉 and spent some time on Anxietycentre.com you know that there are people, without regard to the drug issue, who feel many, if not all, of your symptoms.  I suspect that if you could limit the anxiety you would feel more improvement even than what you are feeling at night.  And I know, trust me I know, it is easier said than done.

 

My working assumption is at least in part that those of us who have anxiety problems (whether from the meds or otherwise) take longer to heal because of the way that impacts our nervous systems on top of and in conjunction with withdrawal.  Longer but not never.

 

You are healing, Lee.  I know it doesn't feel like it but you are.

 

Stay safe.

 

Andy

[divalee]

Oh Andy you make me cry - giving me such hope that you see that I am healing - boy though what a ride =  Thank you, you are always so positive and you make so much sense.  Yes, I am sure most of it is the anxiety - and I am sure once the anxiety leaves me - the other symptoms will be quite mild.....and I never get sick of what ever you say to me.  

 

Please tell me how you are doing- I know you are still on a small amount - and I am sorry for your suffering too Andy - but we will heal, yes we will - like that song says - There'll be blue birds over, the white Cliffs of Dover tomorrow Jusy You Want And See.........yes....thank you.  My prayers are will you and everyone who suffers daily xoxo

 

What are your symptoms Andy - I know you must have told me before - Stay well my friend - and be safe.  

 

Lee (f)

 

[apace41]

Lee,

 

I'm glad I made you happy.  Any joy in these difficult times goes a long way toward helping us survive and come through it all on the other side.

 

I'm doing reasonably well.  I am continuing a very demanding job (even while I work remotely) as a general counsel of a real estate company and the past 2 weeks have been crazy trying to deal with the impact of coronavirus on our development projects and tenants.

 

My symptoms are primarily:

• Insomnia (although the past week or so has been much improved with a series of 7 hour + nights)
• Dizziness (which pre-existed meds for me so it is probably an anxiety symptom)
• Anxiety (largely triggered by the w/d)
• Body pain (also a symptom common in anxiety)
• Depersonalization/Derealization -- that has been marginally better 

In general, I have not felt like "myself" in a long time, but I think a lot of that may be mindset.  Perhaps the coronavirus is putting things in perspective for me as I have probably allowed myself to be a "victim" too long.  Our lives may be less than what we planned but that doesn't mean we can't live them to the fullest while we wait for the rest of the healing to take place.

 

I'm trying to live by that mantra a little more these days.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

Andy, You think a lot like I do , I also think it has to do a lot with mindset.   I have to learn to stop fearing so much - and have a strong gut feeling that most of these symptoms are anxiety driven.  They are the same symptoms I had with withdrawals, but I think now I am hanging on to them with this daily anxiety.   I have fears of going out, fears I wont be able to get to my appointments,  fears that my vision will get worse, fear of dying.....so many fears , now the corona virus -  I work from home thank goodness - and doing very well in that job because I am home and dont have to face people.   Yes, we are going to be okay - we will -  just you wait and see.

 

I dont really understand what Depersonalization/Derealization really feels like.  I will tell you how I feel -   When doing close work, i feel claustrophobic, I have to look away .  I feel like I have to shake myself back to clear my head or is it reality - I feel like I am just not here sometimes.  I just cannot explain it - and when I get this is when my anxiety gets worse.

 

I like what you said :  that you think you have probably allowed yourself to be a <victim<  too long..........YES -- light bulb moment for me.   Yes I must try not to allow myself to be a victim -    I love that.

 

I think by the way you talk that you are doing much better -  For you to be working in a very demanding job is absolutely awesome - I cannot do that.  I was a medical secretary for 10 years, but when I stopped the Zoloft - my whole life took a turn that I do not wish on anyone.  Thing is all those symptoms of withdrawal I have or had - I never had any of that before - so it goes to show it was the Zoloft.

 

Thank you for helping me out once more - and yes i will try not to be a victim - and che sera sera.....you might guess by now that I am a musician - sing, piano, guitar - and a deep thinker....the deep thinking is what gets me in trouble - there is always a negative to the positive.   Stay well, and thank you again Andy.

[Elyssa143]

Hey @divalee

Im sorry your still struggling so far out. I too am a zoloft victim. 24 months now. Its been absolute hell. I am definitely healing slowly but surely but still struggle really bad. Scary symptoms si intrusive thoughts, dread, hopelessness, depression, anhedonia, si feelings, feelings of not wanting to do this anymore. But much less than before but still very very tough. Even if symptoms are a 4 out of 10 i still feel the exact same way which is frustrating for me  anyway i hope with all the chaos your doing as well as you can be. Its definitely affecting me. Question.  U said you had your vitamins tested anfew years back do u have an idea of what your b12 level was? Nutrients are very important and im trying hard to work on mine noe. Just because the dr says theyre normal does not mean they are! I am also very interested in starting some low dose of amino acids. My theory has an always been that if the medicine keeps the chemical in the receptors longer would that not make our body stop making our own chemical? Kind of like if we need thyroid meds our body stops its own production of the hormone because were now being given some "artificial " one. So maybe after our receptors have upregulated our bodies still struggle to produce the necessary hormone or chemical? I dk just a thought and something id like to explore just a bit. We are all so sensitive in withdrawl so taking things has to be low and slow bu im kind of at the point i want to continue to try to take the things i know im low in and take things to kind of help my body maybe produce the hormones? Who knows. Im rambling im sorry. Just curious about your vitamin levels. Maybe theres a link for some of your continued symptoms.  Especially with being on the meds for a few years theyre known to deplete things and then years of stress fighting for our lives. Hugs your way!

[divalee]

Hello Elyssa 

 

As far as vitamins - in my opinion, and I worked in a psychiatric hospital for 10 years, no one should take vitamins unless they are deficient in them.  We all think, because we feel so bad that vitamins will help - they will not.  I was deficient in Vitamin D -  I did not take vitamin D - so I started to eat food that had Vitamin D in them..... Pacific wild red sockeye salmon, mushrooms, eggs... There are not too many foods that have vitamin D.  You get vitamin D from the sun.... most foods have plenty of all the other vitamins - you must eat healthy and you will not be deficient - Of course nothing is written in stone - if you have an underlying problem that is causing you to be vitamin deficient - they have it checked.  

 

After eating these foods for two months my vitamin D results came out perfect.  About b12 - some older people are   not  able to absorb  B12 any more so they become deficient - these people must take B12 supplement - but people usually are not deficient in vitamin B12.....the only way you can get B12 is through animals and their products, milk, cheese, eggs, etc.  There is no use in taking any vitamin if you are not deficient in it.

 

Eat healthy food - minimal sugar and bad carbs - I never eat bad carbs.  I know this is not easy but it is well worth it.  My blood tests come back perfect.

 

I went through all that too - trying this and that trying to make myself feel better.....Withdrawals for some takes a long time - it is horrible - I am well over 6 years off.  

 

Be strong Elysse - have courage, have hope and please no matter how you feel - Never ever give up -  You are all in my prayers because I know of your struggles and can walk solidly in your shoes.

 

Stay well and stay safe 

 

Love

Lee (f)

 

 

[Altostrata]

On 6/28/2020 at 1:40 PM, divalee said:

I took 3 years to get of Zoloft and did very well while doing so.  Then when I stopped completely - about two months later all hell broke loose and the symptoms were horrendous -  Dizziness, pains in my legs and groin, pins and needles all over my face and pressure bridge of nose,  visual disturbances, sweating profusely, high anxiety  tension headaches and migraines -  It is now 7 years off and still have most but not severe  the ones that continue are pins and needles, visual disturbances, severe anxiety and now depression.  Having said that - I think what is left is more from my anxiety because when night times arrive - those symptoms are gone...But when I wake up in the morning they are all back.  My doctor told me that now what causes my symptoms are my anxiety and panic attacks -  I might be hanging on to symptoms of withdrawal - or they are still there - I just dont know.....Why I think some of the symptoms are withdrawals is because I  have had these same symptoms right from the start.....So yes I am confused......is it still withdrawals or are they now symptoms of severe anxiety.   So strange because at night i feel so much better - also when i ttake a shower and wash my hair the symptoms subside a lot......so who knows -  I am working on my anxiety and not to be so fearful - I think once my anxiety is under control - so will the symptoms.  Has anyone any ideas......

 

Much Love

Lee

xoxo

 

 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

@divalee
I came across your page and wanted to wish you well. You are clearly a strong person. I see you don't like to post unless you have something hopeful to share. I wanted to say that even without that you inspire hope. I'm new here and I am often afraid I won't get better. I was put on about 7 drugs at once and fast tapered and C/T at least one. Then put on more. (I don't like acknowledging it)Scary right? I don't know what will happen. But I fear I will be in withdrawal for a very long time or that I won't survive the effects. Seeing you persevere is hope that a person can keep going for the long haul. I wanted to say thank you for posting about being here despite everything. I hope you get some relief. You are in my thoughts. I hope if you ever need to post again you will do so, good or bad.