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Seeker7: Trying to heal


Seeker7

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Newbie here. At really desperate point in my life, trying hard to make much needed changes to turn my life in a healthier direction, but I'm the only one in my life who knows I'm struggling with all this BS from my past. I was put on this poison when I was just a little girl, and didn't escape fully for ten years. I'm trying hard to heal from what happened. I'm trying to be positive and to use the principles of the Law of Attraction (though I'm a Christian) - generating positive energy and that. I've certainly felt cursed for a very long time, so it's hard to argue that negative energy isn't a magnet to negative energy. Anyway, I'm really struggling between apparent conflicts sometimes between positivity and truth, because I've found both healing, and sometimes one is needed, and sometimes, the other. Releasing negative emotions seems cathartic at times, and yet, they seem to get in the way now when I'm trying to be positive and turn my life around. I seem to repel people without meaning to, and it's hard to make friends. That has to change now I'm in a new area, situation, etc. I'm hoping this site and connection to some people who understand this journey through hell and the struggle it still demands sometimes will help and provide me a good counterbalance.

 

I want to heal, to be healthy, to get out of this rut...I just don't seem to know how. It's like negativity, and the history of trauma and abuse (the worst kind being the drugs) was my "ground." Without that, I don't even know how to...be. If that makes sense. I don't want things to be that way anymore. But I don't know how to find better soil for the life I want, either. If this, or other darkness, defined you once, or does now, have you found a way to get out of that prison of a definition, and to claim freeing definitions? How did you do it?

 

Blessings and healing to all.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Seeker7 , welcome to the site.

 

It sounds like you were taking antidepressants for ten years from the age of...8?

How long has it been since you stopped them?

 

Best wishes , Fresh

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome Seeker7,

Many of us here are on similar journeys, trying to learn who we are underneath the changes caused by drugs. We can help you with safe tapering and an understanding community where you can explore wider issues connected with taking and stopping psychiatric drugs.

 

If you could share a little of your drug history, that would help. I’m glad you found us, we’re here to support you. When we have a few more details, we will be in a better position to offer support and suggestions.

 

Petunia.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • 2 years later...

Hi, all. I'm back after a long hiatus.

 

My symptoms are worse than ever. I've been off all drugs (different SSRIs from 13-22, plus a mix of Xanax and similar from 20? - 22) for 9 1/2 years (I'm now 32), so I'm not sure what to call this. Withdrawal syndrome? My emotions are so blunted, yet deep down, there's an agony of suffering so painful it's hard to even talk about any of this. "Anxiety" (such an understatement) is through the roof and constant, cognitive functioning is TERRIBLE, memory is shredded...and I have some kind of absolutely debilitating fatigue. It's hard to do ANYTHING, I can barely function, and I'm not working right now...I'm supposed to start a job in September, but I want to find an easier one because I honestly don't think I'll be able to do it...but I find myself taking NO steps toward finding another one, day after day...

 

I've been reading recently about reducing cortisol as a way to reduce anxiety/stress. I think my adrenals are overactive, and fight-or-flight response is out of control. Hyperactive, hypervigilance. Every little thing freaks me out, sends me careening into fear or despair. Extreme emotional lability for going on 10 years here. My therapist thought some of my symptoms were PTSD (which, in fact, they very well could be: I've had, before, during, and after WD, multiple extreme traumas, including time spent in a cult that continues to haunt my thinking). Addressing the traumas by themselves, or the cultic experience, has not been enough.

 

Life has become quite an acid nightmare. 

 

I'm not sure exactly what I came back here for, but I know I need to address this piece of the puzzle, and my brain won't work well enough to figure out what my next steps should be. Any advice much appreciated. Thanks.

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  • Administrator

Hi, Seeker. I merged your new post with your existing Introductions topic. 

 

Very sorry to hear you're struggling. First, you might take some deep breaths. You sound like an excellent candidate for meditative breathing.

 

Starting a new job might make anyone anxious. Have your symptoms gotten worse since you've started to worry about this?

 

Have you tried fish oil and magnesium? Magnesium itself can be relaxing. See

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to Seeker7: Trying to heal

Hi, I remember you from Paxilprogress.

 

My symptoms have been growing steadily worse for months, quite apart from the job thing. And I'm certain now that I can't do the job lined up because it's connected to grad school, and that's the part I can't handle (cognitively, I'm just not up to it anymore...thesis research with psych drug withdrawal - ha).

 

I've tried both those supplements, but I can't afford either anymore right now. I'm already taking calcium, VC, VD & VK, plus probiotics when I can afford them. There's a lot wrong, but I can't muster either the energy or the money to see a doctor, despite the fact I know I won't have health insurance come September. Copays and tests still cost money, and mine's running out. Rent is way too expensive, and so will moving be...but I'm rambling. I don't think I can afford to add supplements I've already tried, which I know aren't enough. I'm willing to try other things...

 

God, it's hard to even focus on this. Right now, I'm just eaten up by worry. It's a constant, suffocating knot in my gut. Plus despair, which thankfully isn't sliding back into suicidality...

 

Would you mind if this thread were moved out of the intro section? It's just that I doubt that area would get the same sort of traffic. I'm looking for something along the lines of a direction to try, hope for possible solutions, etc. I'm sorry if it was in the wrong section before, but maybe there's another one that would fit? Greetings are always nice, but I really need more right now...I feel like my brain is melting. I don't know how to really describe these symptoms. It's extremely hard to break out of any pattern -- once I start doing anything, I'm locked into some inertial slide, I just keep going like the energizer bunny. I feel like I've been lobotomized. On top of which, the WD anxiety shapes itself into trauma-specific triggers...I haven't found a therapist who can understand in this tiny town, despite almost a year of looking, so now I'm going it on my own. Which is just as well, since I didn't make any improvement, unable to really articulate the various threads of the problems...sorry, rambling again. 

 

I've been making things worse in my despair, eating all kinds of junk that I know does me no good. Alcohol and caffeine are the only things I haven't indulged in, food-wise, but I'm sorely tempted to that and worse. Losing hope fast. I thought coming back here might help, but I honestly don't know what I'm looking for. Thanks for reading.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Seeker7 -- Welcome back to Surviving Antidepressants (SA)

 

The name of this forum is "Introductions and updates."  So you have posted in exactly the right place.  This forum and the topics in them are the ones that get the most views and activity. 

 

What is the rationale behind taking calcium?

 

It would help us help you to know what your current and recent situation is with medication. Please summarize your history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.

  • Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
  • Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • 1 year later...

Hello, everyone.

 

I found this place a couple of years ago, but I never had the time/inclination to think about these issues during grad school. Now I'm making serious strides to improve my health and my life, and I'd really like some support and feedback from people who understand the effects of "antidepressant" and other poisons. It's been really hard navigating a social world brainwashed by Pharma while carrying these burdens. It's been 10 years, but I've been living a very unhealthy lifestyle, and I'd like to shed those burdens.

 

I've been looking into alternative medicine, and some of it has helped more than I'd thought possible. I regret having given up hope so easily, though I know my thinking was not rational in initial withdrawal when the patterns were set. But I'm happy to say that my faith and hope are stronger now.

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  • Moderator Emeritus
On 7/28/2017 at 11:32 PM, scallywag said:

Please summarize your history in a signature -- drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements, in the last 12-24 months particularly.

 

  • Any drugs prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years.
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago)
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016.
  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses.
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs.
  • Link to Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions. 

  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I've moved your homeopathy question to this topic:

 

homeopathy

 

Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions. 

  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus
5 minutes ago, Seeker7 said:

Has WD ever led to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for you folks? I've been wondering about this possibility since my fatigue has become so extreme in the last few years. It's frustrating trying to find reliable info on CFS in the first place, since it seems so hard to even diagnose. That makes me even more reluctant to go to an allopath about it. I'm terrified at the possibility of not being able to work, pay bills, being homeless, etc. Disability seems extremely hard to get for anyone, never mind for something "vague" like this. Not that I know the first thing about that; I'm still slaving away full-time, but I can feel myself getting worn down. I need a break or a cure, and I'm not sure if there is treatment for CFS? Even assuming I have it, which I don't know.

 

Just trying to gather more info from those who have also been through WD.

 

If anyone has had it, have you healed? Fully or partially?

 

I've moved the above post to the existing topic.  Click on the arrow at the top right of the quote box to go to the topic.

 

There are many existing topics on this site.  Before creating a new topic, please use either the site search function or google and add survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.  Thank you.

Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions. 

  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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