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Roads

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Roads... since you tried acupuncture yesterday for the first time, I don't think it will set you back. I really think it's great that you tried something to make yourself feel better. That it didn't work for you only means not to do it again.

 

I think you'll be fine. I doubt you'll have ongoing problems for going one time.

 

Take in some sun and be extra kind to yourself over the next few days. I have days when things seem too difficult to deal with. Sometimes I push myself anyway, and sometimes I just watch silly TV shows and let the day pass. Almost always, the day following is better.

 

I wish easier and better days for you!

 

 

Charter Member 2011

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I am in the state you can't reassure yourself and rationally see things... Things have gotten really bad these last days, and I feel like I am ineluctably going to my loss. Feel like my body and mind will explode.

I am terrified at the idea of not doing what is right. Fear that I spend too much time in front of my computer (I tend to stick on it to forget the pain), not eating well enough, not resting enough (bloody agitation). I feel a tremendous reluctance to any unnatural act, and as my executive function and determination are crippled, I think I can't commit the worst, but I fear that I am doomed to invariably getting worse until a kind of ultimate exhaustion kills me, or that I will indefinetely live in agony (I know, stinking thinking, but that's what is in me now). I have almost no support in my family (I have pieces of family by the way), the situation and my mother are very insecure, she broadcasts negativism, despair, and anxiety (but this is comprehensible regarding to the history of our family, and her history).

I am broken, even my determination and positivism... is there hope? It feels like this is the end...

 

I am so sorry for breaking down and begging for solace, for being dependant.It is just that it is a nightmare. It definitely feels like a nightmare... It is almsot surreally horrific... I am rolling down a pit without the faintest ray of light.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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It is a nightmare, Roads, many of us have experienced this.

 

All you can do is put one foot in front of the other, minute by minute. We're not used to living like this. It takes a huge amount of patience, but you will come through it.

 

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with acupuncture. Did you tell the acupuncturist she was going in the wrong direction? They need to know that. If she said she was working on serotonin and adrenaline, she may be the wrong acupuncturist for you.

 

When talking to an acupuncturist, it's very important NOT to let them assume you are depressed. Their treatments for depression are stimulating. If she didn't listen to you, the least she could do is refund her fee!

 

Magnesium citrate can be relaxing. Our diets often don't supply us with enough magnesium.

 

Magnesium citrate is gentler on your stomach and absorbs well. Don't overdo it -- too much will give you diarrhea. Start with 25mg. I was never able to take more than 50mg-75mg at a time, but others can take much more. You will want 100mg tablets you can cut up or 100mg capsules you can open, so you can try a lower dose.

 

Some people get magnesium by taking hot baths in Epsom salts (magnesium sulfate). The magnesium is absorbed through the skin. This is an even more gentle way of taking magnesium.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Roads,

 

Please hang in there. It sounds like you're in a really rough patch.

 

I know I often get caught up in what I can/should do - get more exercise, sunshine, eat better, etc.... But sometimes the best I can do is just hang on.

 

Be kind to yourself. You don't need to apologize for asking for solace here - we've all been there, and many of us will be there again.

 

I wish you warmth and calm. And whatever images may cheer you - sparkling sunshine playing on waves of water, dappled sun through a canopy of green leaves, fuzzy bunny rabbits - whatever works for you.

 

We never know what tomorrow will be. I wish I had an answer. But when you're really down, just making it through the day is a success.

History is approximate; I didn't track my dosages.

 

1995 - started zoloft/sertraline for depression

1995-2008 - sertraline ranged from 100-200mg, may have gone as high as 250mg

2006 - 2009 - added welbutrin/budeprion SR, 150 mg

sometime in 2009-2010 - stopped budeprion c/t

sometime around 2009-2010, Tapered down sertraline w/o guidance to 50 mg, then 25mg.

~ feb 2010, stopped sertraline.

~ Apr 2010, resumed 25mg low dose (really bad business trip)

Oct 2010, stopped sertraline

Jan 2011 - another bad business trip "breaks" my sleep.

 

current issues include insomnia, anxiety, GI distress, depression.

Taking multivitamins, Vitamin D, fish oil, Chinese herbs, ~ 0.5mg melatonin in the evening.

Going to therapy and acupuncture once a week.

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Hi Roads,

 

Yes, I quit cold turkey! I'm sorry I have not been active on the forums lately, I have not had regular internet access and have had too much work. Although I am in general doing better, I too feel awful... several times a day. I think the only difference is I have gotten better about not dwelling in those moments. Being really busy helps, it distracts me from falling into depression. And going for runs in the morning helps with the awful thoughts, too. But I have also been lucky in having good moments... I think we can get through so much if we are allowed little windows of something good. I hope you find some of those... patches of light to get you through the darkness.

'94-'08 On/off ADs. Mostly Zoloft & Wellbutrin, but also Prozac, Celexa, Effexor, etc.
6/08 quit Z & W after tapering, awful anxiety 3 mos. later, reinstated.
11/10 CTed. Severe anxiety 3 mos. later & @ 8 mos. much worse (set off by metronidazole). Anxiety, depression, anhedonia, DP, DR, dizziness, severe insomnia, high serum AM cortisol, flu-like feelings, muscle discomfort.
9/11-9/12 Waves and windows of recovery.
10/12 Awful relapse, DP/DR. Hydrocortisone?
11/12 Improved fairly quickly even though relapse was one of worst waves ever.

1/13 Best I've ever felt.

3/13 A bit of a relapse... then faster and shorter waves and windows.

4/14 Have to watch out for triggers, but feel completely normal about 80% of the time.

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I am sorry to post again, but I am in real despair. I suffer from intense restless leg for two days, and it is the greatest torture I have ever underwent (at least as bad as akathisia) The bottom of my legs and my feat are unbearably itching, as if my nerves were constantly tickled. It is coupled with intense sadness and despair. I really don't know how I am supposed to ride this out. This is irrational. I don't want to be of the failing ones, driven to suicide or worse, to murder (holy ****, I don't want to kill anybody, but two days ago I was so mad and resentful towards my mother... this scares me a lot) I am in intolerable pain. How is it possible to bear it so many days? (or months?) I feel like I am facing something absurd, a horrendous paradox. Isn't it supposed that there is way out?

 

Sometimes I think of taking a med, because it affects my mother a lot (as I have ever said, she is very fragile and cannot bear the slightest bit of stress), and I don't want her to be broken or destroyed as well (I mean, there has to be a limit). But I don't see wich one, and I think that this is very risky (too risky, I don't want to interfere with my recovery).

 

I am scared because I have never heard of anybody developping RLS during W/D. Is it really W/D?

 

I am so sorry for displaying so much distress. I thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for not being up to the scratch.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Roads,

 

I am so sorry to hear you are having such miserable physical symptoms as wells as mental during your journey here. Just remember to keep on hanging in there. You can do this. You will get through it. I understand your intense emotions where you are in the dark and also become so enraged to the point of wanting to murder someone. Remember to keep breathing and do some meditation breathing. While you are crying, sit in the sunshine to cry. Make sure you are drinking plenty of water. I know these seem simple and not effective, but any little bit helps. If you are feeling so angry at your mother, take a walk and BREATHE. Look at the beautiful things around you. There are there but it is hard to see in your dark cloud. Birds.... clouds..... children..... animals....... You can do this.

 

My thoughts and prayers are with you...... please hang in there.

Age 11-Depressed~14-Use alcohol and drugs~20-Prozac~21-Zoloft~29-Paxil; Used for 2 yrs; took 5 yrs to recover memory back~39-Raw Thyroid for low T3 & take Prilosec~40-Zoloft stops working, so Lexapro; doesn't work; start counseling. Start 300mg Omega 3 Fish Oil & Vit B Complex. Feel better. Taper off Lexapro unsuccessful~41 (5/22/11)-Quit Lexapro, b/c pills at once. Breakdown at work~(6/26/11)-Start 5mg Lexapro to help WD symptoms~(6/30/11)-Feel better; Able to go back to work.~(9/6/11)- Better! Delay tapering.~(11/14/11)-Taper by skipping 4th day.~(11/20/11)-Crashed. Need another strategy.~(1/14/12)-Start 25mg Zoloft w/Lexapro. Taper to 1/4 Lexapro; success.~(2/17/12)-Stop Lexapro.~43 (2/12/13)-Am great; still on 25mg Zoloft.(9/13/14) Off all meds over a year! :)

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Thanks a lot. I feel so weird. This seems so distant. The worst is that I feel like a monster. Like an enraged and insensitive person, full of hatred. This is not me. I am not a monster. Anyway. Everything is going mad. I'll stop venting. Thanks for the help.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Yes, many of us have had leg movements or cramps in withdrawal.

 

Roads, have you been able to find magnesium or Epsom salts to bathe in? Magnesium can help relax leg muscles.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Yes, but the relief is too short. Actually, it is not RLS, but only tickling in the feet. Sincerely, it is pure torture. Sometimes I walk clenching my feet wailing or roaring because of that torment. Fortunately, it is on and off. I am doing slightly better than two days ago. I think it is perceptible in my message. Two days ago was the pinnacle of hell. I thought I was disintegrating in madness, panic, and pain. On the whole, my condition is much worse though. High anxiety, increased agitation, feeling of doom, and horrible despair spells have kicked in. On the other hand, I have to pee less frequently at night (let's be positive lol)

 

I have pain in my spine (aroud the middle), and it feels like it is going to break. the lower part is sometimes painful too, but the pain is more like an incomfort. I can't believe it is withdrawal! I fear i have a spine problem and that this is causing the tickling in the feet.

 

I don't know how I am gonna to make it. But that's what I thought two days ago, and yesterday too. Who knows? Maybe one day after the other... Let's hope.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Hello Roads;

 

I have read your thread. I feel so sad and wish we were all nearby so we could just put a hand on each others shoulder or sit and have a good cry together. I have not had the despair hit me full tilt for a while now...June was the last time so I feel very lucky about that. I know I would just wander the house as I could not sit or lay down, I have also had neuropathy in my feet and pain in my hip area that gets so extreme it is hard to describe. Suffice it to say, I relate to your pain and suffering.

 

I hope that you might find a way to be gentler to yourself. How funny we are, I say that and I can be kind to others and yet really get down on myself for not being able to work, think, ...I beat myself up and that is the last thing I need. You are a mirror for me and I cannot tell you how your willingness to share has helped me today - right now.

 

I know it is difficult to write but I will do the same when I am hurting and hope that is the best support I can give - actually doing it vs. just saying the words.

 

You are a warrior - every one of us who will go through this hell that others do not recognize or can even wrap their heads around....I am proud to be a part of this forum and only wish I had found it earlier.

 

Crocus

xxxx

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I had painful cramps in my feet and legs, also at night, for quite a while, but it went away.

 

Roads, can you get extended-release magnesium? We have it in the U.S. and it can be ordered on the Web.

 

Or, keep some water with mag citrate powder mixed in it to sip now and then at night.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I am too afraid of supplements... so...

 

Hell broke loose last days. I don't know how I can ride this out. One day is an eternity of hard suffering, and there's an eternity of eternities of pain looming. I think I understand what hell means now. The beginning was a gentle stroll compared to now (by the way, is it normal?). Feel like swallowed in an other dimension.Feel like doomed. Pure darkness, and the feeling of being stuck on it forever. My instinct of survival seems so inconsistent for me, for I don't see a way out. But ending like this too. I am amazed at those who got through this. You are supermen (and I don't feel like a superman at all).

 

Wait and survive and see, as hollow as it may seems. There is no other way I guess...

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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I was very fragile lastly, surviving was very hard. And my mother worsened my condition a lot. I was supposed to go to my uncle tofay, but I told her I needed to stay at home. She broke down in tears, anxiety, harshness. I tried to get out and walk a bit, so as to escape her, but when I came home, I couldn't resist, I broke down myself, with terrible anxiety, intolerable suffering. And she can't stand my state. I have no right not to be well. When I manifest suffering, she laments, cries, speaks harshly, emits high anxiety. This drives me mad. It was so painful, that I threw myself on the floor, on the wall, wrtihing and shouting like a maniac, the pain driving me out of control. And she kept rejecting me, being anxious, harsh...

 

I finally fell asleep, but she took me to my uncle. The trip hurt me, the voices hurt me, the akathisia is horrible, I can't have calm so as to rest my CNS, I am becoming mad. I just want to die.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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I was very fragile lastly, surviving was very hard. And my mother worsened my condition a lot. I was supposed to go to my uncle tofay, but I told her I needed to stay at home. She broke down in tears, anxiety, harshness. I tried to get out and walk a bit, so as to escape her, but when I came home, I couldn't resist, I broke down myself, with terrible anxiety, intolerable suffering. And she can't stand my state. I have no right not to be well. When I manifest suffering, she laments, cries, speaks harshly, emits high anxiety. This drives me mad. It was so painful, that I threw myself on the floor, on the wall, wrtihing and shouting like a maniac, the pain driving me out of control. And she kept rejecting me, being anxious, harsh...

 

I finally fell asleep, but she took me to my uncle. The trip hurt me, the voices hurt me, the akathisia is horrible, I can't have calm so as to rest my CNS, I am becoming mad. I just want to die.

 

Roads,

 

My heart breaks for you and your feelings are understandable. We have all been there.

 

But I think most of us can say that the good windows do show up and are worth waiting for.

 

Regarding supplements, I had become afraid of them also. But taking one yesterday greatly improved my situation.

 

It sounds like you have nothing to lose in trying the magnesium that was suggested.

 

Regarding your mother, I know this is hard but say as little as possible to her about your symptoms. I have learned from experience that when people don't get it, they are not going to and it is best to keep quiet.

 

If a similar situation happens regarding going to your Uncle's, simply say, Mom, the issue is I don't feel well and don't wish to go. If she starts ranting, simply sound like a broken record and repeat. Hopefully, she will give up when she realized you're not playing her psychological games.

 

Also, is reinstatement a possibility? It might be a crapshoot but it seems in light of your current condition that you have nothing to lose.

 

Hang in there.

 

CS

Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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Thanks for the warm words...

 

But I think you don't understand. My mother hurts me. Regularly, intensely. She does me a lot of harm. She worens my condition and keeps me in hell. If I keep on living with her, I will kill myself, because she makes me mad of pain. Because of her reactions, I scream because the pain becomes indescriptible, throw myself on the floor, begging for calm and comprehension and getting rebukes. She will kill me honestly. I had the same problem last year, but in my state it is intolerable. She is killing me. You know, my father is a narcissistic pervert (she split up last year), and I think that unfortunately, the suffering made her very noxious and highly dysfunctional herself (though it has nothing to do with narcissistic perversion).

 

I was gonna kill me, but my brother called me and there had a glimpse of light. I am gonna live elsewhere. He will help me. I am of age and I have 5000 euros on two bank accounts. By the way, I can't reinstate, I don't tolerate the meds any more.

 

I am ******* afraid. I have to leave my home in the deep of withdrawal hell. I am barely capable of doing so. I am hopeless.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Thanks for the warm words...

 

But I think you don't understand. My mother hurts me. Regularly, intensely. She does me a lot of harm. She worens my condition and keeps me in hell. If I keep on living with her, I will kill myself, because she makes me mad of pain. Because of her reactions, I scream because the pain becomes indescriptible, throw myself on the floor, begging for calm and comprehension and getting rebukes. She will kill me honestly. I had the same problem last year, but in my state it is intolerable. She is killing me. You know, my father is a narcissistic pervert (she split up last year), and I think that unfortunately, the suffering made her very noxious and highly dysfunctional herself (though it has nothing to do with narcissistic perversion).

 

I was gonna kill me, but my brother called me and there had a glimpse of light. I am gonna live elsewhere. He will help me. I am of age and I have 5000 euros on two bank accounts. By the way, I can't reinstate, I don't tolerate the meds any more.

 

I am ******* afraid. I have to leave my home in the deep of withdrawal hell. I am barely capable of doing so. I am hopeless.

 

Roads,

 

I am glad you're going to live with your brother. No matter how much withdrawal hell you are in, look at it as your chance to get better.

 

Actually, I do understand about your mother. My point was that she is incapable of understanding so as long as you are still at the house, don't get into any battles with her no matter how much how much you want to.

 

When people hurt you intensely, you have to refrain from engaging with them to protect your mental health. And that is tough when you're dealing with someone like your mother. But to expect her to understand that you're not well is like expecting me to paint like Monet.

 

Your fear is understandable but you have light.

 

CS

Drug cocktail 1995 - 2010
Started taper of Adderall, Wellbutrin XL, Remeron, and Doxepin in 2006
Finished taper on June 10, 2010

Temazepam on a PRN basis approximately twice a month - 2014 to 2016

Beginning in 2017 - Consumption increased to about two times per week

April 2017 - Increased to taking it full time for insomnia

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Roads, sending you love and support while you make this necessary change to aid your healing.

 

You are such a beautiful, spirited person -- don't leave us.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hang in there Roads. You'll get through. There is another side. Here's a link with some people from other forums coming back to tell us about life after this struggle. Success quotes.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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Hi guys, still alive, but don't know for how long

 

I know it is quite useless and disruptive to talk about that but, in short, I endured an extreme trauma a week ago, for several hours, saturday and sunday (I don't exagerate at all. I don't understand how I am still here and how my CHS hasn"t definitely blown. I am barely alive. The withdrawal got exreme because of what happened.

 

Did it wrecked all my progress?

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Roads, what happened? What is CHS? Please hang in there. :(

Age 11-Depressed~14-Use alcohol and drugs~20-Prozac~21-Zoloft~29-Paxil; Used for 2 yrs; took 5 yrs to recover memory back~39-Raw Thyroid for low T3 & take Prilosec~40-Zoloft stops working, so Lexapro; doesn't work; start counseling. Start 300mg Omega 3 Fish Oil & Vit B Complex. Feel better. Taper off Lexapro unsuccessful~41 (5/22/11)-Quit Lexapro, b/c pills at once. Breakdown at work~(6/26/11)-Start 5mg Lexapro to help WD symptoms~(6/30/11)-Feel better; Able to go back to work.~(9/6/11)- Better! Delay tapering.~(11/14/11)-Taper by skipping 4th day.~(11/20/11)-Crashed. Need another strategy.~(1/14/12)-Start 25mg Zoloft w/Lexapro. Taper to 1/4 Lexapro; success.~(2/17/12)-Stop Lexapro.~43 (2/12/13)-Am great; still on 25mg Zoloft.(9/13/14) Off all meds over a year! :)

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Road;

 

I hope you will write more as soon as you are able. I am thinking you meant CNS - that really is the last thing we need during this time is additional trauma. I know that the body and brain are really amazing at coming back though so please don't give up hope.

 

We are pulling for you.

xxxx

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Roads, very sorry to hear you suffered a further blow. You'll recover from setbacks, we've all had them.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Roads,

Stay with us. I know you probably don't know me, but I have a special place in my heart for all people on this board who are suffering intensely, as I am. I too recently had an extended period of such suffering I thought I wouldn't survive.

I am thinking and praying for us all.

xxx

Paxil 20mg 1995 for panic disorder/anxiety.

3 attempts to w/d c/t. Horrific w/d hit after 1 month each time. Straight back to 20mg.

2003-2007: 30mg.

30mg to 20mg slowly over 2007.

20mg to 15mg (liquid) (Jan 2009) - big problems, back up to 20mg (pill) immediately. Recovered slowly.

20mg to 15mg (liquid) (Dec to Feb 2010) - suicidal. Back to 20mg May 2010, could not stabilise.

Dec 2010 to 31/01/2012: 20mg~9.6mg in tiny drops.

21/02/12~9.0

08/03/12~8.4

22/03/12~7.9

12/04/12~7.5

03/05/12~7.1

24/05/12~6.7

14/06/12~6.3

05/07/12~6.0

26/07/12~5.7

17/08/12~5.5

ALSO ON 1MG XANAX

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Roads, please hang on! I went through early WD from 2008 and it has been utter hell. Most of the times I thought I would never get any better and many times thought there was no other option than ending it all. Luckily, in my country it is hardly possible to obtain a firearm. It took a long time but after about 18 months windows started to occur. And though it is still a arduous road, thing can get better over time even if it takes years. Hope you wil somehow find a way to overcome this time. Wish you all the best and even if you do not feel any progression right now, it can come in the future. And I am pretty sure it will!

10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002
several attempts to quit since 2004
Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then
after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road

after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons
after 8.5 years working again on a 90% base and basically functioning normally again!

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi,

 

Thanks for all the messages, it has been of a great help. I am sorry not to have answered yet, but I am in a very poor state, and writing is quite difficult for me. It is very tough and I feel so much like Sysiphe, rolling up a boulder everyday with no result. But I think this is normal and part of the thing, isn't it? Crawling is bad, but crawling blindly in the dark is hellish... But somehow, the rolling of the boulder in itself is meaningful and dignity-retaining...

 

I am sick. A sore throat I presume (or maybe the flue). I would like to know what to do regarding the meds. Should I take some? Or would I do better staying away from those craps. I have read here and there about the harmful effects of antibiotics in withdrawal (it is all the same crap, isn'it?); and I confess that I would be probably unable to gulp down anything coming from a pharmacy. But, considering the benefit/risk ratio, what is the best way?

 

Thanks for reading

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Hi Roads. I don't know how it works with withdrawal syndrome, but Golden Seal Root and Echinacea are very good for infection and boosting the immune system. I hope you feel better. Sending you positive thoughts.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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Roads, that is a good question about taking antibiotics.

 

If the doctor can definitely determine you are sick from a bacteria (they usually can do a throat culture test) and you are not getting better over time, I would accept the antibiotic with the lowest risk of side effects.

 

If the doctor believes you are suffering from a virus and is quite sure an anti-viral can help, I would take that -- but this is not common.

 

If the doctor wants to give you a drug without knowing exactly what you have, I would ask for whatever testing he or she can do to identify the infection.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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I won't take anything. I'll just lessen my intake of food. I would fast if I wasn't so anxious and weakened by the withdrawal. (Very important: fasting must be perform with precautions and after instruction. It can be harmful and even lethal. It has nothing to do with nutrient depletion though. Fasting is part of the design of the human body and is essential to a healthy life. However, I don't know if this is doable during withdrawal)

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Are you still sick with the sore throat? Why do you think fasting would help?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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Because food diverts the body from regenarating itself.

 

I took antibiotics in despair yesterday, cause being sick in withdrawal is really terrible, and I wanted to cut it short... This is amoxicillin. It is a soft antibiotic (it is even half-synthetized only). It doesn't affect the CNS. I took my first one yesterday at 10-10h30 am, I didn't notice anything wrong. Took a second one at 8h30 PM, nothing noticeable too. One tablet amounts to 1mg, so I only took 2mg a day, the daily limit being 6 mg. But at 1h30am today, I began to twitch, and I am still twitching, with burning in my face.

 

The point is the night before was not easy as well. I also had the burning, and was on the verge of twitching at the very same hour (1h30pm). Plus, twitching is not a reported side effect of the drug. On the contrary, it feels like the bad reactions I got when under effexor... I know this is a tricky situation, but if anyone has piece of advice, PLEASE drop it

 

Let's sum up: I am in withdrawal, probably one of the worst phase. I am sick, which worsens the suffering relatively strongly. I am getting even worse being tortured by twitches and very painful inner tension (though the tension was already there, probably less intensely). Plus, I can't walk, which is very, very hard to manage because I am agitated. I am a crawling little mess. My feet sometimes make me suffer a lot, with piercing pain, and don't semm to recover (nasty fall on them one month ago). To top it all, the toxic behaviour of my mother undermines me, stabs my heart, and sometimes sends me into a frenetic howling and convulsing, in utter insensivity to the explosion of pain she triggered in me. I am not in the state to move out.

 

I can't believe that I have survived so far. And I can't believe that I will still survive. Something is playing a bad joke on me. It is so well-designed that I have not the strength nor the capacity of execution to take my life away. But hey, too much is too much.

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Sorry for the bulk. I think that the best thing to do is to continue the treatment and endure the torturous symptom, which may have nothing to do with the antibiotics by the way (why is it ALWAYS SO HARD TO SORT OUT THE CAUSES AND EFFECTS?!) THe sore throat a priori is bacterian. A nasty complication would suck, and as my body is very feeble, doing it the natural way may be exceptionally ill-advised.

 

Fortunately, my sore throat seems to recede...

 

 

I am full of hatred and intense sourness. I am a very respectable and healthy person (At least I was, now I am an embiterred, agressive, and unbearable wailing wreck). But I am in hell. My father is a pervert (but I don't live with him any more). But he continues to wreak havok in total impunity. So does her deranged mother too. W-T-F?

 

In my life, I didn't have the opportunity to do anything. And believe me, there were so many splendors awaiting for me... ****

 

 

(sorry for the deshinibited enraged message. Maybe wd is driving me crazy)

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Roads, any message from you is welcome. We love you here.

 

I thought you were moving out from living with your mother?

 

It's good you are getting medical treatment for the bacterial illness. We wouldn't want you to get sicker and have to go to the hospital for that.

 

Please eat food. Perhaps broths, juices, applesauce, a little boiled chicken? The body needs fuel to repair itself.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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Roads,

 

Keep taking your antibiotics and keep hanging in there! Do what Alto says and keep your body hydrated and keep the nutrition coming in. You said that you were going to move in with your brother for a while. Is it possible for him to load you up and take you away? Is it a place that you will be able to get rest away from all outside irritations? I understand your mother doesn't understand how she makes you feel; if she did, she would back off completely. Please try to understand that it is probably very hard for a mother to watch her child go through what you are going through and she can't help. People yell at you trying to "convince" you to "straighten up" trying to help because they don't know what to do.

 

You can get through this. I know it is unbearable what you are going through and you don't think you can survive, but you can. You CAN. Please keep trying. Keep moving even if that is just crawling. Find a sunbeam and take a nap in it. You can do this.....

 

Thinking about you....

Age 11-Depressed~14-Use alcohol and drugs~20-Prozac~21-Zoloft~29-Paxil; Used for 2 yrs; took 5 yrs to recover memory back~39-Raw Thyroid for low T3 & take Prilosec~40-Zoloft stops working, so Lexapro; doesn't work; start counseling. Start 300mg Omega 3 Fish Oil & Vit B Complex. Feel better. Taper off Lexapro unsuccessful~41 (5/22/11)-Quit Lexapro, b/c pills at once. Breakdown at work~(6/26/11)-Start 5mg Lexapro to help WD symptoms~(6/30/11)-Feel better; Able to go back to work.~(9/6/11)- Better! Delay tapering.~(11/14/11)-Taper by skipping 4th day.~(11/20/11)-Crashed. Need another strategy.~(1/14/12)-Start 25mg Zoloft w/Lexapro. Taper to 1/4 Lexapro; success.~(2/17/12)-Stop Lexapro.~43 (2/12/13)-Am great; still on 25mg Zoloft.(9/13/14) Off all meds over a year! :)

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I eat and drink normally, and I've never stopped doing so. I take antibios too. I am too messed to explain what I really meant. But I still assert that fasting, if very intelligently and precautiously implemented, could potentially speed up the recovery. I would like to draw your attention on an enema too. It can't but ease the regenerative process (the gut are littered with solidified feces that continuously intoxicate the body)

 

Regarding moving out, I really reconsider doing so, my mother is really intoxicating me and hampering my healing. I am undergoing at least a second setback because of her.

There is nothing to understand. Basically, if you are upset by the ill-being of someone, there logically are only SOLIPSISTIC reasons. 1. His/her suffering bothers you. This is the case of my mother, who is extremely anxious. In her case, my suffering is equivalent to an agression. 2. The suffering of someone, especially someone you are supposed to be in charge of, can get very unbearable and agressive when you can't positively act on it, for this unability can be experienced as incompetence and upset a low self esteem. It is decuplated when you base your value on the benefit you provide to other people, as it is the case of my mother. She is not really a mother. She made me suffer more than anybody, and for years, (so did my father, who is crazy and perverse). When I will be healed, I will forget that, and sadly contemplate the harm she does to herself (Seeing a human being being so stuck in an auto and hetero-harmful funtioning is a very upsetting vision). But being in the depth of hell, I can't prevent my resent against my tormenter.

 

Regarding my healing... It feels like everything has been set to trap me and prevent me from healing. My feet, my mother, in addtion to my WD (and its setbacks)... I feel like it is my DESTINY to be pervertly anihilated. I feel somewhat PROMPTED AND FORCED to suicide (even if I don't manage to do it). Furthermore, I am too independent, distant, and solipsistic to really have a place in this world. You know, I have experienced so many suffering, so many trauma, I have saw so closely so many dysfunctionalities, so many unequities, so many aberrations, so many defects in this world, that I don't feel like to be part of it again.

How can you be part of a world where people supposed to cure and help vulnerable ones, wound, kill, intoxicate them for money, which is all the more incomprehensible since money is of no taste, of no benefit?!(contrary to trees, love, sympathy...). I just can't live a normal (that is to say unaware) life anymore. I have to do something, but I am so useless. I have tried so many times to help my mother for example, and I have always failed... I don't want to be self-centered anymore, it is so harmful.

 

...

First AD -sertraline- in 2007at the age of 13 because of child abuse

2009-2013: intricate story of multiple wds, meds and cts, gradually became a living mess

Feb 2013: last CT from a cocktail of four drugs, symptoms are relenting but witness a constant sharpening of the brain

 

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Roads, what's wrong with your feet?

 

I don't think it takes a lot of analysis to conclude that if your mother's attitude makes you unhappy or stressed, you need to have some distance from it.

 

Roads, you know you have a great deal to offer. People who are independent and understand sorrow are the best people. Yours is the melancholy of withdrawal talking, and how slow and painful it is to recover. You might be better in 6 months!

 

In withdrawal, many of us face having few options. We're used to being able to make decisions, to change our situations, to protest, but withdrawal syndrome takes away our mental and physical strength. We are weakened and confused and dependent.

 

This is very troubling, but we have to accept that we have been hit by a large chemical boulder. We are injured and it will take time to recover.

 

Your first priority is to find the space to recover, a safe, quiet space where you can take care of yourself.

 

One way might be to make your mother stop bothering you. If you can still live with your brother, and it's a better situation for you, you might set that in motion.

 

As for fasting, purging, and enemas -- I don't hold with that thinking. I believe it's based on a superstitious inclination towards purification of sin. It is not reasonable when your nervous system has been injured. You are not filled with poison or evil spirits.

 

Your body needs nutrients to heal. If you had a puppy who was sick, would you starve it? And your intestines are lined with mucus and very slippery. Stuff does not stick to them. If you poop, enemas are not helpful. Don't fast, purge, and do intestinal cleansing -- all it does is put additional stress on your system.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

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