Multidrug Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Hello everybody, I was a silent visitor on this page for a while now but today I think it`s time to share my story with you. I will try to make it as short as possible and I apologize for my bad english, I am not so good at it. So...here is my story: At the age of 21 I was prescribed Paroxetin because I had a stressful time at college and troubles in my relationship (I was so surprised that my doctor thought these problems could be "healed" by a pill, but well...I took it). In total I took it for 10 years!! I hated it from the very beginning and I tried to ct it many times (I did not know it doesn`t work like that) but always reinstated after some days. So after ten years I switched over to Effexor, because I told my doc I so badly wanted to get off that drug but I just wouldn`t make it (if I only knew about HOW to do it right!). So I took Effexor for another 2 years. I always felt numb but I took it anyway until the day that I started to think that something was out of order. I started getting very very anxious (I never was anxious before!) and I knew it was a side effect from the drug. So I went to my doc and told her about it and she crossed over to citalopram. Then hell`s doors opened!!! I felt soo bad that I had to stay away from work (I thought it would be for maybe 2 weeks...WRONG...it is 2.5 years later now and I am still not back!!!). I felt worse and worse with citalopram and stopped it ct after 6 weeks. Immediately I felt better. I felt great for 6 weeks and then had a completely break down. I couldn`t do anything. Not eat, not walk, not shower, not talk, I was suicidal for the first time in my life. What followed was: - 7 stays in psychiatric hospitals without ANY relief - 20 different psych meds (alone, together, blue with red, green with blue, yellow with red and blue) (don`t remember them all but there was: cymbalta, amitryptilin, doxepin, lithium, opipramol, lyrica, atosil, effexor again, elontril, etc. some I took only once or twice, some I took for some weeks) - everything got worse and worse One led to another and after I ct 30mg of Seroquel last September and feeling psychotic after that I started taking Ativan, 1mg a day. The first two weeks it was such a gift from heaven. I felt relief for the first time. But after only two weeks something changed into a very bad direction. I got aggressive, even more depressed and suicidal. I went to my doc and he gave me a taper plan. I had to taper 25% every two weeks (which, now I know, was waaaaay to fast!!). It was HELL....I freaked out almost every day. I begged my doc to switch me over to valium and make a smoother taper but he refused. So I had no choice. Today: I am in month seven now without ativan, ten months without Seroquel and I am in pure hell. Only during the last few months I started searching the internet because all these symptoms I have soooo do not feel "human" or like "myself". They feel so toxic and now I know they ARE. My conclusion is whatever there was to do wrong during the last 2.5 years, I DID wrong (not knowing it was wrong though). I trusted in my doctors so much, never doubted what they did or gave me to take). Now I live in the corner to death. I lost my job, my apartment, my relationship, my friends. I moved back to my parents, I am unable to be alone. I will lose my relationship because I am unable to give and I am unable to meet). There is just nothing left and every day is just another nightmare. I forgot to mention that I am still on one drug. It`s Lamictal. I so much want to get that out of my body, too. I was on 100mg for a year (not because I am bipolar or have seizures, just because it was just another drug they played around with) and started a taper two months ago. I do that water method (cannot remember the name now) and reduce 5% every month. I don`t know if that makes my withdrawal from all the other things even worse. I don`t know anymore what causes what. What I know is that I am at the end with my strength and faith. My symptoms bring me to me knees every day. The agitation is killing me, the anxiety is torment, awful depression, suicidal thought (actually it is more like a suicidal feeling than a thought), dizzyness, headaches, brain fog, burning body as if acid would run through my veins, no memory, not a single feeling that feels normal. I lost myself. I just came here so that I will not be all alone with all these things. I cannot make it anymore. I am also a member in a benzo forum but there, most of the people "only" took benzos and I think, maybe I will not heal like they do because I was so badly poly drugged. I am so afraid that this will never get better. I so don`t know how to survive only one more day like this. I wonder if reinstating the ativan in a lower dose would help or maybe start diazepam in a very low dose. I wonder if I felt better if I just ct the Lamictal. I am clueless!!! Thank you for reading..... Multi 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Hi multi.. I'm so sorry for what you've been through but I'm so glad you've found this place I don't have much experience but someone will be along soon to give advice. Welcome here 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
btdt Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I am the poster child for doing things wrong.. please do not think this is the last word.. there is no last word in any of this as long as your alive. Sorting out drug confusion is what this site does best so please do not despair.. help is on the way. You are not the first one to come here worried you would not get better... and I am sure you will not be the last. Your drug history is very important what drugs you took dose and length of time taken. This link will show you how to put your drug history in your thread http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/ once that is complete one of the mods will take a look and offer suggestions/information. I wish you peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Btw..your english is very good 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Mentor ang Posted June 22, 2015 Mentor Share Posted June 22, 2015 Hello and welcome.... I feel your pain, and wish I could take it away.. all I can say, and please, honestly believe it, you will recover............... just takes strength, emotional strength, and sounds like you got that!. Someone better with more information than me will be along shortly. Welcome! 1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression. Serotonin syndrome, oh yes! seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol. Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly) pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby). 98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout.... Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol, and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg tegretol 400mg. Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.Mid 15 .... 75mg seroquel, 3 x 1800mg SJW 2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW:::: 28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::; 18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump. 23/9 3mg....., 27/9 0mg. Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg............. LIGHTBULB MOMENT, I have MTHFR 2x mutations. CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it. Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 Thank you soooo much for your quick replies!!!! I really really hope to find some help...or understanding here. I hope now you can see my signature. Multi 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Yep I can see the signature.. Yes other people who can advice will be along to at some point 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Multidrug Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 That would be so great. I am just really at my end. I so much want to get off of the Lamictal....I just do not know what would be wise to do now. These suicidal thoughts are bringing me on my knees. I almost do not talk at all anymore. I lay on the couch for hours and hours and my only thoughts are "I cannot do this anymore...it is just too much." Besides that, I am trying to find a way out of this every single second. I think that I did something wrong and that it why I am feeling so bad. And I do not have any ressources anymore. Everytime during a wave I get that deep black depression but this time something is different. I just do not move anymore. Something in my head is about to give up. This is going on for such a long time now. When I have a window (I had 2 windows that lasted 2 days and then a really long one that lasted 3 weeks), I can do things like meditation, light yoga or even ride my bike for a short while. When I am in a wave I cannot do ANY of these. I just can`t and again I start blaming myself for that. But that depression is so overwhelming....I really think I will not make it this time.....I have no strategies left....I am so very scared... 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I was in that only a few days ago..black black depression..but it can change so quickly..I also feel terrible about myself when I cannot do anything..but we are not at fault..maybe your body and brain need this rest..can you let it? 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Multidrug Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 Dear LoveandLight, it is so hard to let it. When I lay, I am so agitated that I feel like freaking out all the time.....I am unable to relax. I am unable not to think. I am even unable to tell myself this will pass. I cannot reach myself. When I walk, it is a bit better for a very short time. I am in that wave for 4 weeks now..... 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Yes, I know.. It was like that for a long time..even before this withdrawal.. I totally can understand 'not being able to reach yourself' but another window will come where you will reach yourself again! 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted June 23, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 23, 2015 Welcome Multidrug, Thank you for posting and for filling in your signature. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. From what you have written, its sounds like you are in protracted withdrawal from Paroxetine and Ativan, exacerbated by all the other drug trials. Its not a good idea to be tapering while you are experiencing symptoms from previous withdrawals, if I were you I would stop tapering Lamictal for now and wait until you are recovered more. From what you are saying it sounds like your nervous system is healing. I know it's slow, but given the other stories I have heard, this kind of improvement generally just keeps getting very gradually better (although there can be ups and downs) and I think you can be optimistic about the future. The best I can offer by way of advice is to listen to your body and avoid those things that set off symptoms as much as possible. Aside from a high quality fish oil and magnesium, avoid supplements. (See King of Supplements: Omega 3 Fatty Acids (Fish Oil) and Magnesium, Nature's Calcium Channel Blocker). They've been helpful to many of us. Here is the link to our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover. Especially read the topics pinned at the top. Please feel free to write whenever you want, you will find a lot of friendly help and support here. Petunia. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted June 24, 2015 Administrator Share Posted June 24, 2015 Welcome, Multidrug. At what time of day do you take Lamictal? Do your symptoms have any pattern from day to day? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Hello, well I really cannot say what effect the Lamictal has to me. When I started taking it last year in April, I also was on other drugs and I felt awful all the time. Now that I am only taking Lamictal I am in withdrawal from all the other things so I still cannot say what it does or if even the Lamictal is what makes me feel so very bad. I so much want to get off these awful pills. My worst symptoms are the mental ones. And now, for a week or so, I got the worst depression I ever had with horrible suicidal feelings. I am so close to reinstate because I cannot handle it anymore and I am very afraid that I will act on these thoughts. I had three better weeks in may but the wave that hit me then and that I am now in for more than 4 weeks is the worst I ever had. I take the Lamictal before I go to bed. I don`t know if my symptoms got any patterns. Besides the three weeks when I felt better I did not have any windows since I quit ativan 6.5 months ago. I got terrible headaches and cramps in my brain, horrible anxiety and depression and always the suicidal thoughts that got worse and worse. I am just hopeless. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted June 24, 2015 Administrator Share Posted June 24, 2015 You are not hopeless, you have withdrawal syndrome. When you say reinstating, do you mean go back to 100mg Lamictal? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Right....but still I am hopeless! I got withdrawal syndrom for 2.5 years and these last 6 months were the worst with ativan withdrawal on top. With reinstating I mean going back to ativan...or diazepam....it is the last thing I want to do and I know I will have only very short relief...I did a very rapid taper off ativan and withdrawal is so very bad. God damn it....... 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Please please, can anybody give me an advise? I really don`t know what to do anymore. Before all of this started, I was a really calm and nice person. I lost that person. She ist just gone. I start feeling hate of everything. My family, people that can live a "normal" life, myself. I start getting thoughts that say I deserved all this. I start getting crazy. And the suicidal ideation is getting bigger and bigger. There is no way I will go to a hospital again but I honestly admit I am becoming a danger for myself. I feel so insane and just mad. Everyday I think I won`t make it. I am unable to think and on the other hand I just cannot stop but the thoughts that come are so crazy. It really doesnt feel like heeling. It feels like going crazy and being unable to stop it. When is it adviced to reinstate a benzo? Can I at all heel as long as I am still taking the Lamictal? Should I really stop my Lamictal taper as long as I am feeling so bad? I am so sorry for being like that but I am sooooo scared that I might act on any of my crazy thoughts. Can`t I do anything to make it a little bit less awful?? Please....anybody... 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted June 25, 2015 Administrator Share Posted June 25, 2015 Stop tapering Lamictal until you have this figured out. Keep notes on paper about your daily symptom pattern -- do they happen at a particular time of day? Go here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-tapering-discussion/to discuss reinstating a benzo. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
btdt Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Dear LoveandLight, it is so hard to let it. When I lay, I am so agitated that I feel like freaking out all the time.....I am unable to relax. I am unable not to think. I am even unable to tell myself this will pass. I cannot reach myself. When I walk, it is a bit better for a very short time. I am in that wave for 4 weeks now..... For a long time walking was the only thing that helped me.. if walking helps for a short time that is your body sending you a message it says to walk. I walked a lot all sorts of weather it was a survival thing for me I had to walk.. I have many times called it tromping as much of it was done in winter in rather deep snow. Still I went..sometimes many short walks a day 3 -6 and for sure after every meal .. other times just because I had to walk then... please if walking helps then walk. It can be good medicine peace WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG Had a car accident in 85 Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89 Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above. One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking. As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/ There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted June 26, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted June 26, 2015 Its a little unclear how long you were taking Ativan for. In your first post it sounds like only a few months but in your signature it looks like you were taking it for 2 years, please would you clarify the dates you started and stopped taking it. As Alto suggested, stop tapering for now until you have stabilized more. If you have already been off the benzo for 6 months, we probably wouldn't advise reinstating, but asking about this in the benzo forum would be the best place for advice about this. Members-only benzo forum You will be healing from the Ativan while you are still taking Lamictal, its best to wait to recover from one withdrawal before starting to taper another drug. Here is the link to our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover. Especially read the topics pinned at the top. Many people find fish oil and magnesium helpful, see King of Supplements: Omega 3 Fatty Acids (Fish Oil) and Magnesium, Nature's Calcium Channel Blocker I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Multidrug Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Dear all, thank you so very much for you support. So you think I should stop my Lamictal taper? I got a theory about it which I do not know if it`s right. I think that all these drugs I took and the withdrawal I am in now is like a wound and since I am taking another drug it is like putting salt in that wound. Means that I think as long as I am still taking a drug my brain cannot recover at all. Isn`t that right? Plus it is known that Lamictal can cause depression, anxiety and rage and I am afraid that these symptoms will not get better as long as I take it. Petunia, I took the Ativan only for 2.5 months (maybe a little longer) in total including a six weeks taper and am now 6.5 months off of it. It gave me relief only for maybe 2 weeks, then I started getting depressed because I could not feel myself anymore and then I started a six weeks taper, which was hell!!!!!! I thought I was losing my mind. I went to the forest every day and ran around and screamed. I thought I would kill somebody. I was full of rage and agitation. And after the taper, all hell broke loose. I begged my doc for a more slowly taper but he did not agree. He said I was on the drug only for a short time in a low dose and the withdrawal could not be bad. I searched and searched for another doc to help me with the taper. After three months I found one who was willing to help me and do a taper with valium as the ashton manual advises. But then I was already 3 months off and I was to afraid that things would not work anymore because of that long time and I never took the diazepam. I was given Ativan already half a year before during a stay in a hospital for 4 weeks and they stopped it ct...immediately I got suicidal and thought I was going crazy. Then they gave me other pills (Seroquel and Lithium) and said it was my sickness and not from the Ativan which I believed because I didn`t have a clue what these drugs do. I will go to the benzo section and ask what they suggest there. My cheeks and nose are so red because I am so stressed and this morning I thought I had to kill my cat, only because she woke me up as she does every morning. I love her so much but I really cannot control these awful thoughts and feelings (I did not kill her by the way). I am so aggressive and I am SO NOT LIKE THAT (as far as I remember my old self...which is completely gone). Again....thank you so very much for your support!!!! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 I have the aggression too..horrible isn't it? I isolate myself because of it..it's so out of character.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Multidrug Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 LoveandLight, oh yes it is horrible. And I think it is even more horrible if you cannot get connected with yourself. As if you can just wait and see what you will do next without being able to do anything about it. How do you handle that? 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Not very sure what you mean? 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Multidrug Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 i mean how do you handle the aggression.... 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Oh I don't..just go for a walk..keep it in.. 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Hello again, it`s been a while since my last post but now it`s time for an update. My benzo brain didn`t stop telling me that something else was the problem and not the benzo withdrawal. I couldn`t stop thinking that I feel so bad because of the Lamictal. I made a big cut 5 days ago. I cut from 82,5mg down to 50mg. I feel like dying. I started feeling very bad yesterday. I am crying all the time, depression, completely numb in my head, cannot think, don`t talk, strange pain in my head all the time. Instead of being out in the forest all day because of the agitation I am in the couch, not moving at all and just feel like losing my mind. Jesus...I am so stupid. I was SO afraid that I was feeling so bad because of the Lamictal, that is why I made the big cut. Now I am SO afraid that I just destroyed everything. Do I have the chance to updose tonight??? I wish I was strong enough to just wait this out, but I think I am not. How long would it take the brain to get used to this lower dose? Jesus....I thought it was only bad for benzo or ad taper to be so horrible. But now the Lamictal, too?!?! Can I updose again? Did I mess up everything? To what dose should I updose? I feel so ashamed for doing what I did. I didn`t want to make it worse. Thank you so much for your replies. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 12, 2015 Administrator Share Posted August 12, 2015 Updose. And stop messing around with the Lamictal. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Thank you, Alto, for your advice. Ok, I will updose. Should I go back to 82,5mg? One thing I recognize is that, with the lower dose, the agitation is almost GONE as well as the running thoughts. But maybe that is because I am just too depressed to have these now. I don`t know. I will updose. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 12, 2015 Administrator Share Posted August 12, 2015 I'd go back to 70mg and see if that works. Give it at least 4 days. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 Thank you Alto, I will take 70 then!!! Thank you so much! 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted August 13, 2015 Administrator Share Posted August 13, 2015 Let us know how you're doing. This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 I am just awful and don`t know how to survive this. I took 70mg last night and the night before. I am SO bad. Is it possible that there is a difference in brands of the pills? Normally I take the Lamictal from always the same brand. Three months ago I went to another pharmacy and he gave me another brand. That is when I started feeling very very bad but I thought it couldn`t be because of the brand since the ingredient is the same. My mother went to get me my original pills now. I don`t know what is going on. I was feeling much better some months ago. I do not feel better on 70mg yet. Just the agitation came back immediately. I know I should go to the hospital but I am so afraid of more awful pills. My mother is staying with me and I am crying all day because I am so very despaired and it just doesn`t stop. My symptoms are: Anxiety, Agitation, Restlessness, Racing thoughts, Depression, Cannot eat (lost 3 kilos in the last three days), Desperation, Nausea, almost don`t talk anymore, Crying spells, and that "feeling" in my head, that I cannot describe. I need something to help me to survive this. But I don`t know what. Sorry for this.....but I am feeling so very bad. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 Maybe I should go hogher with the dose? I started at 100mg and before my big jump I was on 82.5 mg. Maybe I should go back to 100 or at least to 82,5. I think the cut from 82.5 to 70 is still way too much. I am very very sensitive with when it comes to reductions. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
LoveandLight Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 So sorry your feeling so bad xxx 2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare! On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect. Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan. Nightmare that could have been avoided! Link to comment
Multidrug Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 God, I really don`t know what`s going on but this is too much for me to handle. LoveandLight, I see in your signature that you had trouble with taking Sertraline from another brand. I never thought that was possible before but today I tried to figure out when it all started to go that bad (it was bad all the time, but it felt like "normal" withdrawal) and I realized it was when I started taking my meds from another brand. I feel poisoned. 2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg 2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse) 05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg 09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still current drugs: Lamictal (started in 2014; 100mg) April 2015 - 95mg, May 2015 - 90mg, June 2015 - 85 mg, July 2015 - 80 mg, August 2015 - CRASHED and hold but never completely stabilized again October 2018 - 71 mg (have only been able to reduce 10mg in the last 3 years and feel so stuck) UPDATE: Quit the then last remaining 62mg of Lamictal within 11 days. Last dose was Aug 21, 2019. The drug was killing me and I had a massive reaction, couldn't do a taper anymore. But am still in hell over 3 years later. I am so desperate. Link to comment
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